02x02 - Cut It Out

[bunniefuu]

You know what I love most about the songs we've been writing?

The fantastic harmonies? The brilliant lyrics?

All great, but the best part

is that they really show who we are, you know, as people.

We are what we make, right? Or is it eat?

Either way, I couldn't agree more.

Morning, ladies.

How are my fabulous Barbies doing this fine Friday?

Rafa, we need to talk schedule.

Oh, I know. I know. We cannot keep him waiting much longer.

Gato has been begging for a play date with Etta.

I gather you were talking about something else?

It's time to get back in the stude'.

Right. And while I love the spirit,

that's still not a thing.

But, as your magnificent manager,

I booked you more studio time at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

Cut!!

Again with this guy?

Hey, Dash, were in the middle of something,

so you, you know...

Rafa, Rafa, Rafa.

It's The Dash, but you know that

and what I know is that the camera doesn't lie.

Yeah, you've mentioned that like a million times.

So you do listen to The Dash.

Well, he just captured you saying you'll be

in the studio tomorrow, which is perfect.

Why do I get the feeling

we have two very different definitions of perfect?

Tomorrow is Handler's annual film festival.

Oh, ah. Entrants only have 12 hours

to sh**t, edit and premiere their masterpieces.

And The Dash has chosen you to be the subjects of his film.

He and Cammy with be at your record.

-Cammy? -What?

Don't you think we should get a say in who--

You'll hardly notice The Dash's presence,

striking though it is.

Think of the exposure you'll get on the big screen!

I hate to admit he's right, but it would be great publicity.

My girls, already starring in their own film.

I'm so proud.

Might be good for our career.

It'll be fantastic. Everything will be fine.

Okay, we're in.

Ah, excellent decision

and don't be late for your call time.

The Dash and Cammy run a tight set.

Who is Cammy?

Wish you were here, Barbie.

We're gonna have the best video game day.

We even made strawberry swirl cookies to snack on

while we play.

I got to eat the extra frosting.

You ate all the frosting.

Eat a couple for me, k?

Woah!

Um, I gotta run. Have fun!

Bye, Barbie!

-Got space dust! -Yeah!

Oh! I love Alien Crossing Great Galaxies.

-Mom! -My moon cheese!

We're about to mine

an astroid before it crashes into our colony!

I can see that. Oh my, that is a big asteroid.

And I can also see that you weren't planning

to clean up the mess you made in the kitchen.

No more video games until that kitchen sparkles.

Am I clear?

Aw.

Come on.

That asteroid will still be threatening

doom and destruction later.

Oh. I don't feel so good.

Stacie, honey, what's wrong?

She was fine 10 seconds ago.

Skipper, Chelsea, kitchen. Now.

Lay down sweetheart.

You are on fire.

Me? What about you? That vocal riff was...

Cut!

Not even close, ladies.

This is art. I need to feel it in my soul.

Brooklyn, lean into the mic like it's your best friend.

You're sharing secrets, making memories.

You don't have a best friend, do you?

Malibu, I need you to play that guitar

like you're running desperately away

from personal failures you fear most.

Okay, but I don't run in these shoes.

What is he talking about?

How can I put this?

This is a close set people, no personal calls.

Barbie, we need advice.

We maybe left a big mess in the kitchen

and Mom told us to clean it up.

But Stacie won't help.

She says she sick but she's not.

Are you sure? Maybe she is sick.

This is the drama I'm looking for.

This is a private conversation.

Which I'm capturing perfectly.

Time to go capture something else.

Oh, conflict. Loving it.

No! Cammy!

Ahhh!

Oooh!

So, that's Cammy.

Sorry, girls, I'll call you later.

What was it you said about hardly noticing his presence?

Oh, hey, The Dash,

funny running into you here, in the film room,

where all the film things happen.

Is your movie done? Can we see it?

Just finished.

The Dash doesn't normally show anyone his films

before the premier, but in this case, he'll make an exception.

Ready to have your minds blown?

-Yes! -Yes!

Dreams, what are they really?

Or, is it a dream at all? Is it really... a nightmare?

Our dreams are totally dead. I hate singing.

Malibu doesn't even play guitar. Pineapple!

Singing is dumb. And music makes no sense.

Why puppies, my sisters. I wish never called.

I don't need our fans but we love money.

But what really happens

behind the recording studio doors?

Where nightmares are reality.

Isn't it... beautiful?

That isn't what happened. We never said those things.

We would never say those things. Not in a gazillion years.

And what's with the explosions and barnyard noises?

I mean, sure, I might croak a little if I'm not warmed up.

But I've never yodeled in my entire life.

Uh, it's called artistic license.

Then you should have your license revoked.

You've got to re-edit that now

and show what actually went down.

Re-edit?

Would you remix Mozart, paint over Picasso?

The Dash is a director ahead of his time.

Nay, a visionary.

But the whole point of being an artist

is connecting with people.

How is anyone gonna connect with car crashes

and random sh*ts of Jupiter?

People don't care about connection.

They want drama, conflict, stuff blowing up!

And The Dash is a master, trust me.

It'll be a huge hit at the premiere tonight.

See ya there and don't be late.

Ugh! I'd like to paint over him.

Shh. Skipper and Chelsea think I'm resting.

We have to play quietly.

Uh, that doesn't sound like resting.

How you feelin', Stacie?

Sure hope the puppies didn't disturb you.

I thought I heard you in here. Is the kitchen already clean?

No, but...

Then go finish and let Stacie rest.

Mom!

Now.

Got your text. The Dash did what now?

It'll be fantastic!

Everything will be fine.

Maybe it's not as bad as you think?

It's a total disaster!

And a total lie! Except for Chuck.

He did capture his essence.

But it makes us look super selfish.

It's a career ender.

And our career has barely even started.

Okay, maybe it is as bad as you think, but never fear.

Rafa is here. We'll figure this out.

Oh, oh. I've got an idea. Picture this.

We pull off an elaborate heist

to steal The Dash's laptop

and re-edit the movie ourselves.

We can't steal his laptop.

Our only option is to change our names

and leave New York forever.

Starting new lives where The Dash's film

can't tarnish our reputations.

What? No!

We're not leaving New York and I love our names.

But, we definitely need a way to stop The Dash

from showing his film.

Like ever.

Lock The Dash in a closet and throw away the key?

I like your style, Stefan.

I was suggesting you lock the truth in your hearts

and not worry about The Dash's movie.

Although, locking him up is good too.

I overheard your plight and offer a solution.

Upload a virus to The Dash's laptop

that swiftly corrupts every megabyte.

Sending it to a digital grave

and forcing him to reconsider this path he's chosen.

What?

I can throw down like the next girl.

Barbie! Stacie's totally faking it.

But we can't prove it to Mom.

Gosh, I wish I could help

but Brooklyn and I are kind of in the middle

of our own enormous time sensitive problem.

-What happened? -You are?

Well, it all started when The Dash said

the camera doesn't lie. But...

The camera doesn't lie!

We knew you'd have the answer, Barbie.

Glad I have the answer for something.

The camera may not lie but the director definitely does.

What are we gonna do? We're running out of time.

You know, there is one other thing you could try.

Yes!

Here's some ice cream, sweetie.

You feeling any better?

A little, I think. Thanks, Mom.

Come on!

Oh, so close! Yes!

How's that for doom and destruction?

Woo-hoo!

Woop woop, oh, yeah!

Woah!

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Ah, ah!

Lower down and grab the laptop.

Oh!

Woah, woah!

Ah!

Ahh!

Oof!

Oh, I'm gonna need a minute.

I got this.

Tell me again how that plan

isn't just another version of us stealing The Dash's laptop?

Oh, look, it's the man of the hour.

Boiled water poured over 31 grams of freshly ground coffee

in a gentle yet assured spiral pattern?

The Dash will take that to go.

You would.

But, unfortunately your cinematic portrayal of lies

disrupts the delicate balance of the universe.

And I cannot enable this

by providing your caffeinated energy.

Unless you're willing to reweave your film to express truth?

Yeah, that's a no.

Then your coffee's fate is beyond me.

So, no pour over then?

I hate to go there ladies, but it's like Mi Abuela always says.

"There are times in life when you must accept defeat

and throw in the towel.

But don't throw it too far or you'll slip in the shower

and need a new hip."

Or, we could just...

Ask him again to re-edit his film?

Sure, yeah, fine. That works too.

That was fabulous.

The performance. The vulnerability. The heart.

I understand now.

You... You do?

Yes! Your gripping portrayal of a shipwrecked soul

struggling against the unrelenting tides of life.

It moved me.

Brilliant though my film may be,

perhaps there is a greater truth to be found by re-editing it.

That's what changed your mind?

A row your boat routine?

Seriously? I was working out at the gym.

We've only got an hour until the premiere.

How you feeling, Stacie?

Still not great.

Oh, we get it.

Eating all of that pudding and ice cream is hard work.

We thought you might like to watch something special

while you rest.

Woo-woo! Oh, yeah!

Busted!

The fever, sore throat, tummy ache made me do it!

I mean, the puppies used mind control on me.

I bet Mom would find this super interesting,

don't you, Chelsea?

Yeah, super interesting.

Okay, fine.

I may have faked being a teensy-eensy bit sick

so I didn't have to help clean the kitchen.

And I shouldn't have.

I'm sorry.

And besides, playing video games and eating ice cream

is way more fun when we do it together,

[sighs[ I'll finish cleaning everything up.

You two deserve a break.

Well, when you're right, you're right.

We do deserve a break and even though it was wrong to lie...

You're not wrong that things are way more fun together.

We'll help you clean.

After we have a few cookies.

Hurry!

We don't have much time!

The Dash does his best artistic work

when under intense pressure.

Ah, so that's when you do your best work.

Mystery solved.

Is there something in my teeth in that sh*t?

We said no car crashes, not more!

What's this button do?

Your decision to return balance to the universe

will be rewarded.

-Oh, oh! Going upstairs? -Grabbing a midnight snack?

Hiking a mountain?

I'm obviously ascending to victory!

Are these chairs really necessary?

How are we supposed to see from back here?

Anybody gonna eat that last broffin?

And that's a wrap.

The Dash can't help but feel doubtful.

Where's the spectacle? Where's the drama?

Can't The Dash have at least one expl*si*n?

Not gonna lie, I do love a good expl*si*n.

Rafa! I know it's hard not to embellish things,

but remember...

The best art comes from the heart.

Mhm. It's true and it rhymes.

This is really beautiful and all,

especially the rhyming, but I'm gonna need you

to have your little moment of truth later.

The festival is about to start!

So, moving away from my family was super hard,

but my dreams are in New York

and I'm not pursuing them alone, I have Brooklyn.

And I have Malibu.

We're doing this together by following our hearts.

That's the true message of our songs.

Chasing your dreams can be scary.

But we hope our music inspires everyone who hears it

to go after their own dreams too.

Ah! See, they hate it. The Dash never should have--

See, I told you!

The Dash knew they'd love it

because the best art comes from the heart.

That's pretty good. The Dash should write that down.

I kind of missed the explosions.

Ah! Looks like my sisters figured out their problem too.

I haven't seen the counter shine like this in years!

Stacie, what are you doing up?

Oh, I'm feeling loads better now.

Must have been one of those three hour and 47 minute bugs.

But, we'll be finishing these up, just in case.

Wouldn't want Stacie's stomach ache to come back.

Mm-hmm.

Looks like we don't have to leave town and change our names after all.

Too bad, 'cause I've been work shopping a couple of new identities.

What do you think about Rodrigo Cedillo De Herrera III?

Got a nice ring to it, no?

Yeah. But I still love good ol' Rafa more.

I knew we'd find a way to get the truth out there.

The Dash couldn't have said it better himself.

He learned a lot from you today.

And from now on, he'll only be making films that speak the truth

about the human condition.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the results are in for the audience choice award.

And the winner is....

"Nightmare Noire!"

Oh, forgot to change the title.

Thank you, thank you so much.

That's "The Dash's Nightmare Noire",

and what an honor for you to experience my solo masterpiece?

A directorial triumph that reflects one man's desire

to express the truth and only the truth.

And he's back.

I knew it couldn't last.

True that.

Really, I'm thrilled for you. I wish I could be you.

But, just for a second or even less

because being me is so much better.

Am I right, Cammy?