01x04 - The Great Pioneer Adventure

[bunniefuu]

♪ Whoa oh oh oh ♪

♪ So much to see ♪

♪ So much to do ♪

♪ Let's share a dream ♪

♪ Make it come true ♪

♪ Us girls got the
right combination ♪

♪ Make our way
to new destinations ♪

♪ Imagine all
the possibilities ♪

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

♪ You can be anything ♪

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

♪ Barbie's here,
gonna sing ♪

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

♪ Adventure, yeah that's
our thing ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh ♪

♪ It's the Dreamhouse
Adventures ♪

You're probably wondering

why Skipper and I are riding

Misty up an escalator.

To get to the elevator!

[laughter]

Ba-dum-ch!

Actually, we were on a very

serious mission,

believe it or not.

The whole thing started out

on a typical Roberts family

Saturday morning.

We were all hanging
out together.

Well, sorta together:

I mean we
were all doing our own things

but we were together.

[sigh]
Where is Game-Game-Giveaway?

Oh, I'll send you the link.

Thank you!

So how's everyone's

weekend going?

What's happening?

What's hip and cool right now?

"Hool"?

Hip and cool combined.

I just made that up myself.

[laughter]

You know what?
This isn't working.

I have an idea.

[All]: Great. Cool. What?

How do you all feel about having

sort of a time-travel
adventure together?

[All]: Time travel?

Ooh, can there be jousting?

Please?
If there's jousting I'm in.

Uh, I wasn't thinking
quite that far back.

I want to make a documentary
about a modern family

living the pioneer lifestyle.

No cars, no phones...

No electronics?

Exactly.

What?

I woke up screaming once

when I dreamed I had
my old G phone back.

And you're thinking we'd be
that modern family?

Sort of like an experiment?

Mm-hmm.
It'll be good old-fashioned fun.

Don't you want to find out

what that was like?

I love it!

[sing-songy] Family time!

So, let's set up our Frontier

Experiment in the back yard.

We'll be outside... all weekend?

With the bees and mosquitoes?

Not to mention poison ivy
and fleas.

[whimper]

No fleas.
And poison ivy doesn't

even grow in California!

What will I do
for entertainment?

Board games and charades.

Hmm. Okay!

It could be kind of fun to have

an Old Timey Adventure.

I'm in.

Skipper?

Absolutely...

Barbie is definitely in.

Skipper...

Please.

Come on.

I hate peer pressure.

Come on Skip.

Please.

Okay, okay.

I'll go acoustic for hours.

Sheesh!

Yes! Great!

♪

Huh?

♪

♪

[gasps]

[screams]
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Ahem...

Ah, ah ahhh, no power
tools dear.

Ahh!

[gasps]

Ugh!

[barks]

Alright, we have
a sack of salt.

In jousting times
that'd make us rich.

Salt was like gold then.

That's true...
but no jousting.

Just sayin'.

Matches...

Uh, where are the wooden toys

we made for the puppies?

Right here?

Rookie fetch!

[barks]

Hey, there, pioneers.

You ready to be video-archived
for future generations to study?

Thanks for being cameraman,
Ken.

No st Century electronics
for me.

I'm about to become...

Pioneer Dad!
[laughter]

OK. We've got pots, string,
needles and thread

and our phones are all
call-forwarding to Ken's cell

for emergencies.

I think that does it.

Everybody ready?

Phones off!

Can't... push... button...

Welcome to .

Ugh!?

Y'hear that?

What?
Nothing.

Pure old-fashioned silence.

[gasps]

[car alarm wailing]

Sorry. Sat on my keys.

Okay, so the time-traveling
experiment

was off to a great start.

And it quickly went downhill
from there.

♪ Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake,
baker's man. ♪

♪ Bake me a cake as fast
as you can. ♪

[giggles]

Oh. This is the life!

The whole family together
after a hard day's work.

Setting up camp
wasn't so hard.

Just like Girl Scouts, really.

That's the pioneer spirit.

Hey, hey! Get a close-up of the
elbow grease it takes

to clean this skillet.

Ah!

Hmm. Love, love, loved making
pancakes from scratch.

I wish we had syrup,
but I have to admit,

the melted sugar
was pretty good.

It was yummy.

But that reminds me,
I'm thirsty.

Me, too.

Me, three.

Race you to the garden hose.

Hey, where is it?

Sorry, girls, but you're gonna

have to do what Barbie did

for the dish water:

fill up a bucket at the fountain

in the beach parking lot.

But the beach is a really
long walk.

How soapy is that dishwater?

Dad! I wasn't really going
to drink it.

Not without a straw.

C'mon everybody.
Let's sit by the fire.

So, how was everybody's
first Pioneer Day?

Great.
Good.

Thirsty.

Itchy.

I like our new "homestead."

By the way, you guys did
a mighty fine job

collecting firewood.

And we made up this
mighty fine game, too,

where we tried to find logs
with famous faces in them.

This is George Washington.

See... we can have fun

without indoor luxuries

like electronic devices.

Ugh!

[moans and groans]

You mentioned
electronic devices.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Ok, how about we get some

entertainment going?

I love it when you girls
make up songs.

Ooh, I got it!

Guys!

[whispers]; OK guys,
let's sing that funny song

we made up last night.

[whispers]. Yea, yea, yea, yea,

[clears throat]

♪ I woke from my slumber ♪

♪ a dream of dessert ♪

[girls joins in]
♪ It wouldn't have happened ♪

♪ But somebody burped. ♪

[loud belch]

[laughter]

Classic!

Okay, time for a big finish.

[thunder]

Now that's drama.

[laughter]

[sigh]

Ugh!

Uh-oh.

Ugh! Ugh!

[grunts]

Let me in.

Let me in!

[sighs]

Really?

Aargh!

Mom! Dad!

Can we come in your tent?

We're drowning in here.

Sorry, Stace!

We're all wet too!

On the bright side,

we won't have to fetch water

in the morning.

[barks]

Aargh!

Ahh!

Aaahh!!

Aargh!!!!!

[yawns]

Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Ah!

This is a residential
neighborhood.

No farm animals!

Whoops, Reardons!

[giggles]

I dreamed I had to brush
my teeth with a stick.

Uh... That wasn't a dream.

Hey! You guys are doing great.

You know, except for

your hair and your clothes.

Yeah.

We're...

hanging in...

Though last night
we were floating in.

Hey, where are you goin'?

Oh, I was just heading back

to the st Century for a sec.

I thought I'd DVR the first game
of the playoffs.

Ohh! Playoffs!

Uh! I forgot!
It's okay, dear.

You only have to wait years
to find out who won.

Ahhh!

I remember television.

[sigh]

I need a bowl,
some milk

and some crunchy
munchy cereal.

Well, the cereal has
to be oatmeal,

which we have to cook

and it could take a while,
'cause the wood's wet.

Dad, that's Julius Caesar.

Et tu Brute?

Huh?

What, it's Shakespeare.

I'll find some non-famous

dry wood for the fire,

but we still won't have
any milk.

[sigh]
No milk?

Maybe we can buy some
off a Prospector.

I know where we can get milk.

From our local cow!

We have a local cow?

[roosters crowing]

Too late. My sister
b*at you to it.

[laughter]

Why does a stable have

a rooster and a cow?

It's also a farm animal
sanctuary.

It's one of the things I love
about this place.

Okay, this is where
Felicity lives.

Ready to try to milk a cow?

I'm so thirsty, I could
milk a rock.

[chaotic sounds]

Skipper, never approach
from behind!

Ahh!

Ahh!!

Felicity is a very
misleading name.

And this is incredibly heavy.

At least it's only a five-mile
walk home.

Could we like, mail it?

No.

[horse whinnies]

But we can Pony Express it!

[horse whinnies]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Great.

Milk, hot sun.

Ugh, I'm gonna smell
like old yogurt.

Is that where you hit your
fingernail with the hammer,

splitting the firewood?

No, sweetie.

Uh, this is where I cut my hand
trimming the bandage

to go on the spot
where I hit my fingernail

splitting the firewood.

[sigh]
I can't unbend my bucket-

carrying arms.

Well, don't straighten them yet.

We still have to fetch
drinking water.

I'll never ask you to fetch
anything ever again, DJ.

Fetch is a terrible,
terrible word.

I have a supply-fetching
foot blister. Wanna see?

I can tell you all about it
and my brave suffering

during family time
around the fire tonight.

If there is a fire
and not more rain,

cold and additional suffering.

Ooo! Yikes!

I don't suppose we could trade
documentaries

with a family making one
about living on a cruise ship?

Ok. Here's something
to look forward to.

After we finish our chores,

I have a special
Frontier Surprise!

It better not be quilting.

Okay... I have a different
Frontier Surprise.

[grunts]

[laughter]

Ugh!

Tarping the tents with another

sheet should keep them

from getting wet.

Isn't that what the original

tent was supposed to do?

[chuckle]
We learn as we go!

Can we heat the face-washing
water, too?

Well, we need the fire
for cooking.

Unless you want to wash
your face in old potato water.

The dirt would be an
excellent exfoliant.

I'm good.

Yeah.

[mosquitos buzzing]

What's the best natural

mosquito prevention?

Indoors.

I'm gonna go help
your mother

look for more stuff
for the fire.

Ah! Ow!

I can't sew two stitches
without poking myself.

Maybe you should sew them
while wearing other jeans.

I'm a pioneer, I don't have
other jeans.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Sure!

Mrs. Roberts, it's for you.

It was one of mom's coworkers.

Suddenly he needed her Turbine
Model immediately

so he could helicopter it
to Houston.

Only...small problem.

Sorry, Pioneers.

There's a weather system
developing.

It could delay the test flight

so they want to go sooner.

I've got minutes to get
these to my boss.

Don't worry,
we've got it covered.

Go! Go! Go!

We'll miss you!

Hurry back soon!

Ew! So, Barbie,
what's your surprise?

Is it that this is
all a bad dream?

Ta Da! I thought maybe
we could form a band.

This can be a tambourine.

This is a drum.

And listen...

[blows into the bottle]

Tuba, right?

So who wants what?

Here catch!

Skip. Stace.

Chels.
You know you want this one.

The only bottles
I'm interested in

are full of calamine lotion.

Stace, where you going?

I'm catching an early night
with the drip bucket.

Me, too. Just crow when it's
time for us to start chores
again.

Come on guys.

Where's your spirit
of discovery?

Where's the hair dryer?

Where's the microwave?

Oh, I know!

In the house,
with everything else

that makes life worth living!

The pioneers lived terrible,
splintery, ache-y lives

and smelled
like a bad brunch.

I'll tell you what
I've discovered:

there's literally nothing

they could do in the 's

that we can't do better today.

I'm out.

Skip!

Skipper was ready to walk,

Stacie and Chelsea
were really itchy,

and I was feeling really bad
for all of them.

Oh, and don't forget Mom
had a crisis at work.

But as you know,
there's nothing like a crisis

to pull the Roberts
family together.

I tried, Bob.

The roads are jammed
in every direction.

Holiday traffic,
couple of accidents.

I don't know what to do.

I can't make it happen.

Mom, what's wrong?

There's no way I can get these

to my office in time.

All this work is about

to go down the drain.

Uh. I am so sorry, honey.

I never meant for this
little experiment

to cause so many problems.

It's not your fault, George.

I'm sure the pioneers never

had to deal with traffic jams.

Come on guys,

are we gonna let a little

modern inconvenience

get in our way?

Our pioneer ancestors

didn't give up,

and neither should we.

I have a plan.

But I need a volunteer.

Of course it has to be me.

All aboard.

According to Ken's app

if we ride Misty along

the hiking trails and canyons

we'll bypass the traffic.

But it's at least
ten miles to...

[horse whinnies]
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Careful, Skipper,
that's crushable.

What about me?
I almost fell off this thing.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

I guess I'm pretty stressed.

You sure you want to go
through with this?

If it helps you,
I'll do my part.

That's the pioneer spirit!

Prepare for takeoff!

Huh!

Ahh!!

Not the tomato garden!

They're heirloom!

Mom was so right about
the traffic.

Totally bumper to bumper.

Three different drivers offered
to buy Misty.

But our unconventional
transportation

was getting us through.

Meanwhile back at camp,

things were about to take

an unconventional turn
of their own.

Goodbye 's.

Who wants to play video games?

You know what, Chels?

We survived the whole weekend
without one text.

And coming up with a plan
to deliver a turbine
-flow-motor-thingy

using only horsepower...

I don't know.
It's pretty exciting.

I'm good.

And ready for dinner, Pa.

Great! Who wants the
mixed-road grass salad

and who wants the berries
we found in that ditch?

All wrapped in leftover
pancakes!

Can I have berries and salad
and pancakes?

Darn tootin'.

All we need now is some water.

And, since you just poured it
all out,

why don't you do down to
the beach and refill it.

Ugh!

[gasp]

Skipper... Duck!

[gasp]

Ah!
Aaaaaaaa!

Again!
Ugh!

Ah!!

Ugh!

Ah!!

Uh...
You hear something buzzing?

I've heard a buzzing
ever since we jumped over

the Reardons' fence.

[wasps buzzing]

[gasp]
Wasps!

Oh, roll up the windows.

Hit the gas!!

Whoa!

Uh! Ugh!

Ah!!!

Hurry!

Go! Go! Go!

There, mom's office!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[buzzing]

Ah!

[horse whinnies]

Hi. Urgent delivery
from Mrs. Roberts.

We're expected.
How do we get to the rooftop
heliport?

Picture I.D.

Um, we're sorta from the past.

OK. Escalator's that way.

Thanks!

Hey no running...
I mean galloping.

Sorry!

Hi.
Hello.

So... this is odd.

I know.

This is from Mrs. Roberts.

Thank you.

How did you get here so fast?

Pony Express.

Very resourceful!
Well, thanks again!

Gotta run, bye!

And then the a*t*matic doors
fly open...

And close and BAM
go the wasps.

And we gallop inside
and up the escalator.

Whoa!
On Misty?

My two girls saved the day.

[horse whinnies]

Three.

[laughter]

Not exactly the way I saw this
experiment succeeding

but succeed it did.

And here's your reward:
a delicious,

not completely pioneerish
but close enough hot dog.

[laughter]

And that's a wrap.

[laughter]

We always thought we were
a close family...

but spending a whole weekend
in the 's,

we got even closer.
We definitely got a whole
new appreciation

for our
ancestors' lives.

And some of us even learned
a little about ourselves.

Hey, want to check out
the new hiking trail?

See what I mean?

♪