Oh, I gave it to his old neurologist.
- Came by to check on him.
- Neurologist?
- I don't have a neurologist.
- Yes, you do.
He was just here, Dr. Todd.
Who the f*ck is Dr. Todd?
Oh, sh*t.
- What?
- Don't worry.
Dr. Todd said cognitive lapses
and memory loss
are a common side effect
of brain trauma.
Okay, I don't know any Dr. Todds.
He said you'd probably say that.
Oh, my... okay,
yeah, this isn't working.
Can I talk to your boss?
He said you'd probably say that too.
f*ck off, all right?
Stop gaslighting me, you lying...
BOTH: Sack of dog sh*t!
Boy, did he really call
this whole interaction.
Dr. Todd isn't a real doctor.
What do you mean? Of course he is.
Did he show you identification?
He was wearing scrubs.
Oh, cool, that proves he has $ .
How could you give a stranger access
to an unconscious patient?
He made eye contact.
He touched my elbow
and asked with a serious voice,
"When did the hospital start
allowing teenage nurses?"
See, I'm a little self-conscious
- about getting older.
- You look fine.
- Will you please call security?
- Okay.
Craig, what the hell is going on?
Dr. Todd is Isaiah's fake identity
from his time in Phoenix.
He must have snuck in
here to steal the dongle
and give it back to Rodney.
So I'm f*cked?
I'm not gonna be a farm owner?
I was more worried about Jillian,
the person whose life is in danger.
My life is in danger.
I have no job, no money,
no health care.
I'm not gonna be able to pay for this.
So it's gonna be what we call
a "treat it and b*at it" situation.
I'm gonna need you to body-slam
that f*cking nurse
when she comes back in here,
and then I'm gonna sprint
out those doors, okay?
- Is that a plan?
- Wait, Dad.
What about my college fund?
"What about my college fund, Dad?"
I would never touch your
precious college fund, Corby.
Your mother wouldn't
give me access to it.
Stop making this about you.
This is about me.
- This is about Jillian.
- This is about all of us!
We are unified in our struggles.
I want you to look up the phrase
"intersectionality," Craig.
Shut up. Let me make a call.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Where the hell have you been?
We have a problem.
Isaiah stole the dongle.
He's giving it to your dad.
[SIGHS] Why did I have
to choose the nice brother?
Hey, we got that call with Macao.
- You joining or what?
- Can't Isaiah do it?
I don't know where the f*ck he is.
Fine, I'll be there in a sec.
I'm talking with Mom.
Ugh. [QUIETLY] I'm not here.
Isaiah hasn't shown up yet,
so you better get here
before he does and stop him.
Okay?
Or else, we are both so f*cked.
Do you want to know how f*cked?
Imagine...
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
You're years old.
How do you even know that word?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Where the f*ck is this guy?
It's f*cking cold in here.
That's why I told you to put on pants.
No, you told me time
was of the essence.
Come on, crank the seat heater.
Yeah, that's just what I need,
your bare assh*le sweating
little booty kisses
all over the seats.
So what do we do if we see Isaiah?
- We stop him out front and...
- No.
I'll tell you what we gonna do.
We're gonna put him to sleep.
That's why I tore this puppy
off the wall at the hospital.
It's filled with needles.
I'ma put 'em between my fingers
and stick him like Wolverine.
That's why you took that?
One of 'em's gotta be filled
with anesthesia.
Be careful, Dad. That's dangerous.
Christ, Corby, unclench, okay?
It's only dangerous if you don't know
what you're... oh!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
What's the worst that could happen?
- Hepatitis.
- Syphilis.
- HIV.
- Yeah, probably HIV.
Okay, God damn.
That's the last time
I come to you two for support.
Mm, there, see? I sucked it out.
You sucked it in!
We are not sticking my brother
with used needles.
- You got a better plan?
- Yes.
I'ma talk to him,
ask him why he's doing this.
[SCOFFS] That's your plan?
Talk to a guy that's f*cked you
over at least a dozen times.
Yikes, I'm not excited to be
business partners with you.
- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Holy sh*t.
It's Isaiah. Hold on.
Zay!
Yo, big bro!
What's good, man?
You stole my dongle.
I need that dongle.
Where's my f*cking dongle?
You really gotta stop
saying dongle, big bro.
It's a goofy word,
and it undermines the urgency
you're trying to convey.
Do you know what will happen
if you give that to Rodney?
Jillian could die.
I know.
That's why I'm not
giving it to Rodney.
I'm giving it to you.
What? But you took it from me.
No, I took it from a public hospital,
which was very easy to sneak into.
All I had to do
was touch somebody's elbow.
You and Prada should be thanking me.
I don't get it.
If you were on my side,
why didn't you say something?
I had some sh*t to sort out on my end.
Look, I sent you a pin, all right?
Just come meet me.
I'll tell you everything in person.
Is this real?
Am I getting the farm back?
Yeah, man.
And Jillian's gonna be okay.
Just get your ass down here.
[SIGHS]
Oh, f*ck yeah!
Yes! We did it! Whoo!
All right, first thing's first,
I think I'm gonna do
a full audit on the farm.
You know, when you get a hog,
you gotta lift up its tail
and look right in its assh*le.
You don't get to do an audit.
Heh, spoken like a man whose
hog is filled with tapeworms.
Okay, how bad is it?
You know what? Hey, doesn't matter.
I'm here now. Steady hand on the till.
Let this be a lesson, Corby.
Okay? Ears up.
When you take over a business,
the entrenched interest
will always resist progress.
But remember, they're failures.
They don't know
what they're talking...
I don't know why
you think you get a say
in how the farm is gonna run.
Well, 'cause I'm a part owner.
Are you though?
I mean, we just talked.
We didn't officially agree
on anything.
Well, I mean, yeah, we did.
We had a deal.
Mm, I don't know.
I feel like, if we had a deal,
we would have signed something.
Jesus, Dad, that's, like,
the whole thing we're learning
in my sports management seminar.
Always get that Jane Hancock.
My professor's a woman.
Hey, do not criticize me till
you can b*at me in a fight!
Okay, that's how
father-son stuff works!
All right... Craig, hey! Craig, Craig!
- Where are you going?
- Sorry, Brock.
I gotta go meet with my brother.
- You're good to Uber, right?
- No!
No, we are not good to Uber!
Okay, all right, calm down.
Everybody, calm down.
Listen to me.
I know you don't give a sh*t
about me, okay?
But what about Corby?
He f*cking loves
to go to school so much.
Now he's gonna have to drop out.
'Cause I blew through
the college fund.
What? You did?
Talk to your mother, Corby, okay?
It's not my fault
her security questions
were so easy to guess.
But you said an education
was the ultimate gift
was the ultimate gift
from a father to a son.
Well, Elton John's
lawyers don't give a sh*t
about my beautiful f*cking promises!
Craig, please.
Think about the kid.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry your dad
did this to you, Corby.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I see you, Craig!
I got one eye, and I still see you!
m*therf*cker.
[BELL JINGLING]
♪ I feel it's true ♪
- [BELL DINGS]
- Order up!
What's up?
You gon' tell me what's going on?
Yeah, uh, sure.
Before we get to that,
you hungry, man?
You want a fry?
No, I don't want f*cking fries.
I want the dongle
you said you had for me.
Right, so about the dongle,
little change of plans.
I had to give it to Rodney.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
Something unexpected came up.
I got a more appealing offer.
I don't understand.
What about Jillian?
She's gonna be fine.
They probably won't even k*ll her.
They'll just... I don't know...
slice her up a little bit.
I swear to God, Zay.
You are evil!
I will never forgive you for this.
Okay, I get that,
but let's not pretend
like I'm the only one at fault here.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Who else would be at fault?
I don't know, maybe the fool
that cut a side deal
with a bunch of swamp criminals.
What the f*ck?
I didn't have a choice, Isaiah.
I was gonna lose my farm.
That's the difference between us.
I know I'm a shitty person,
but you're still out here
pretending you're good.
Anyone would have done what I did.
You think Dad would
have did that sh*t?
I mean, before he d*ed
of prostate cancer?
f*ck you, Zay. I'm a good person.
And you don't deserve fries.
Or coffee.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Hey, hey, over here.
I think they're gone.
Here's the plan.
You and I can get out of here.
All you have to do
is come up here and...
peck these ropes.
[BIRD TRILLS]
You're hungry, right?
Well, guess what?
There are lots of bugs up here.
They're on the ropes that are
binding my wrists and feet.
So if you want them,
you're welcome to them.
Just come on up here.
Mmm, these bugs smell good.
- You can...
- What... what the f*ck?
Come on! Fucker.
Get the f*ck out of here,
shittin' all over my carpets.
Why were you talking to that bird?
Um...
I've gone crazy.
Why is it even in here?
Who the f*ck left the back door open?
Ray-Nathan and Natalie-Ray
left in a hurry.
They had one job, to watch you.
What, they f*cking
deputized this egret?
Well, Ray-Nathan got a call
about an ex-performer here.
I guess she was poking
around in your taxes
and got you guys shut down.
Oh, that turncoat stripper Kathay-Ann.
Yes, that's the one.
Well, someone saw her in Little Rock,
so they went up there to talk to her.
But they took baseball bats with them,
so I think they're gonna do
more than just talking.
I got a colonoscopy appointment today.
I gotta get to the g*dd*mn hospital.
Who the f*ck's gonna get me there?
God damn it!
And what am I gonna do with you?
I told them not to go.
I said, "What if your mum needs you?
She's the best.
She's so normal and nice."
That's what I said.
You got any gas in that Kia of yours?
About / of a t*nk.
All right, that'll work.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYIN]
♪ ♪
So colonoscopy.
Is everything okay?
It's no big deal.
I just gotta get mine now
because I only have eight days
until my f*cking insurance runs out.
If it's no big deal,
then why do you need someone
to bring you?
'Cause that hoity-toity nurse
said I can't drive myself
on anesthesia.
You're getting anesthesia?
♪ ♪
Oh, I see what this is.
Your little Irish brain having
its one thought of the day.
You're not going anywhere, Jillian.
'Cause while that f*cking
doctor's sh**ting
a movie picture up my ass,
you'll be zip-tied
in the hospital garage
with a rag in your mouth.
But at least the rag's clean, right?
Right?
Right?
Oh, yeah, it'll be
the cleanest one I have.
[SCREAMING]
[HORN HONKING]
[DOOR CLICKS]
God damn it.
Come here.
[SIGHS] Thank God.
It turns out,
I hate being gagged.
Yeah, well, there's a change in plans.
Little miss power trip said
I need somebody physically
present when I sign in
or the m*therf*ckers won't release me.
So you're coming up
to the surgery suite.
Oh, so you're gonna untie me?
Yeah, but if you try
talking to someone
or sneaking away,
or if I don't wake up
and see your big old dopey eyes
looking back at me,
I will track down your family,
and I will hurt them.
Oh, no, not my family.
I love them so much.
You ain't got a family, do you?
No, I do not.
So I'll hurt you, and I'll hurt Craig.
You know, I wasn't born at night.
I can tell you two are
a sexually romantic couple.
Oh, we're really not.
Okay, well, if you ain't f*cking,
then you won't mind
if I cut off his d*ck
and make him eat it in front of you.
Um, no, I would mind that.
[LAUGHS] You're f*ckin'.
I knew it.
Now, don't do anything stupid.
If anyone asks, you're my daughter.
Got it.
So am I Natalie-Ray or Jillian?
Or Jillian-Ray?
Just say, "I'm her daughter."
This isn't a Sadie Hawkins dance.
You don't have to say your name
and kiss the doctor's f*cking hand.
Okay, I won't say my name or
kiss the doctor's f*cking hand.
♪ ♪
Let's go, let's go.
♪ ♪
Oh.
f*ck yeah.
♪ ♪
Let's go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.
Hi, I'm Dr. Bernard.
And you must be my patient,
unless you brought
that hospital gown from home.
I'm Jackie Boone. This is my daughter.
- I'm her daughter.
- Oh, that's funny.
You two have such different accents.
I f*cked a foreign man.
I didn't know about her
till she was .
It was a late in life miracle.
Can we just move on?
Well, this is all just
precautionary, right?
No unusual symptoms?
Well, I have had blood in my stool,
but that can be from anything...
I mean, IBS, eating beets,
that pressure down on the anus
due to childbirth.
Oh, well, someone has been Googling.
And you're right,
that doesn't necessarily have
to be a cause for concern.
Is the blood red or black?
- Black.
- Hmm. Interesting.
Interesting?
Can you believe this f*ck
trying to scare me?
Probably so he can charge more.
You're supposed to say
everything will be fine.
I'm just trying
to assess the situation.
Well, for f*ck's sake, where'd you get
your bedside manner, Abu Ghraib?
f*ck you and f*ck your hospital.
I'm sorry.
I haven't eaten anything for hours,
and I got the low blood sugar.
Well, I understand.
It happens.
Sometimes.
I'm gonna go get prepped.
You know, it's okay to be scared.
I'm not scared. You're f*cking scared.
Shouldn't I be scared? I'm a hostage.
Yeah, exactly. That's my point.
Nobody's scared. We're all scared.
Just shut up.
Okay, Ms. Boone, we're ready for you.
There's a waiting room down the hall.
Your mom should be done
in about an hour.
Look, can I give my daughter
a quick hug?
I got mean-ass kids,
a nephew who's a cop,
and a bunch of inbred cousins
who are addicted to v*olence.
You run, we will find you.
♪ ♪
Good luck with the procedure.
Mum.
Picker, tickler, pinkie,
stretch, or thumb.
Picker, tickler, pinkie,
stretch, or thumb.
Picker, tickler, pinkie,
stretch, or thumb.
I'm gonna f*cking go.
♪ ♪
Ms. Boone?
Ms. Boone.
We tried calling you,
but you hadn't actually
put down a phone number.
I'm sorry. I needed some air.
Well, we finished
your mom's procedure.
I can't say anything for sure yet,
and we'll know more
once we get the biopsies.
- Biopsies?
- Yes.
The number and size
of polyps in her colon
were very concerning.
Oh, no.
You're gonna want to schedule
additional imaging right away.
Now, if it is cancer and it's spread,
it does usually go to the liver first,
but it can also get
into the lymph system
or even the brain.
♪ ♪
Hi, How are we feeling?
Where's my daughter?
Oh, I'm sure she's
around here somewhere.
You're probably thirsty.
How about a juice box?
I don't want your f*cking juice box.
I need my daughter. Where is she?
I can't help you with that,
but I can get you a juice box.
Enough with your f*cking juice box.
I need my daughter!
Mum, Mum, I'm right here.
I just stepped out.
Good girl, smart girl.
Hey, Juice Box,
can you get my drawers?
We can leave now, right?
How'd I do?
So not the best news.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Do you want something to eat?
There's a Lil' Piggies
near here, my treat.
I mean, I'll pay you back.
I like Lil' Piggies.
♪ ♪
Are you okay?
Yeah, I knew there was
something wrong, and there was.
I'm not surprised.
I've been bleeding out of my
ass for three straight years.
Whoa.
That's a lot of...
straight years.
Why didn't you go to the doctor?
'Cause I was scared.
I'm a big f*cking p*ssy,
and I'm just getting what I deserve.
You are not a p*ssy.
You're a terrifying maniac.
You're just saying that.
I'm really not.
You seem genuinely unhinged.
That's real nice of you,
Jillian, but I know what I am.
I couldn't even get a colonoscopy
without bringing you along
to hold my hand
and to s*ab this straw
into this little bitch baby juice box.
But I thought the nurse said
you needed someone
to check you out.
I was lying. I had it all planned out.
I sent the kids on that wild
goose chase to Little Rock.
And then I was gonna bring myself,
and then take an Uber home.
And then I woke up just paralyzed.
And I knew what was coming.
And I just couldn't face it on my own.
Why didn't you want your kids
to go with you?
They can't know I'm sick.
If I d*ed now,
what would I even leave them,
that tiddlywink criminal empire?
Or that piece of sh*t strip club
with a million birds in it?
Don't be silly. Carpets is lovely.
And some of those birds
are really pretty.
Used to be,
you could send your kid out
into the world with nothing,
and even if they were dumb,
they would still do better than you.
And now your kid can be a genius,
but if you don't leave 'em a fortune,
they're still f*cked.
And believe me, my two ain't geniuses.
I failed them.
They're gonna be so mad at me.
g*dd*mn anesthesia still in my system
got me talking out my ass.
When my dad had his heart att*ck,
he left me with nothing,
and I didn't hate him.
I just hated
that I never got to say goodbye
before he was gone.
If there's something really wrong,
I promise your kids
are gonna want to know.
♪ ♪
Where were you?
And why's she not zip-tied?
You took her to Lil' Piggies?
You didn't ask us if we wanted any?
We didn't just go to Lil' Piggies.
Jillian took me
to my colonoscopy appointment.
Why do you need a colonoscopy?
Are you crazy?
She could have told someone.
And a colonoscopy, that's anesthesia.
She could have run off!
I made it very clear to her
that that would be a bad idea.
What the f*ck?
Hey, Jillian is a nice person.
And she was with me
during a very scary time.
Why is it scary? Is something wrong?
She's manipulating you, Mom!
She wants you to like her,
so we won't hurt her!
And we won't hurt her!
I will not let anything happen
to this girl!
- That's f*cking bullshit!
- No, you're f*cking bullshit.
Shut the f*ck up! Mom, are you okay?
Why did you get a colonoscopy?
Are you okay?
Listen, baby, it's unclear.
I'm still waiting on some lab results.
But I want you to know one thing.
I will always...
Ahh!
Mama, you're out of your f*cking mind!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[TENSE MUSIC]
God, I can't believe this sh*t.
Maya!
I knew it was too good
to be f*cking true.
- Maya, wait, Maya, stop!
- But, oh, every f*cking time.
- Every time... God.
- Maya, Maya!
And I get end-of-the-year bonuses.
And we're going on a company
retreat in March.
And I get a polo with a logo on it.
It is so f*cking boring,
but I'm so excited
because being boring
means I might get to be with you.
♪ ♪
I know you'll never forgive Dr. Todd,
and you shouldn't... he's shady.
But I was really hoping...
girl, I'm praying
you give Isaiah a chance.
♪ ♪
You have a half an hour,
one half hour to tell me
who you really are.
Okay.
Half hour, I got this.
♪ ♪
♪ Way down ♪
♪ Way down it must be, I can't stop ♪
Please say something.
Well, when you told me
you weren't really a doctor,
I was like, wow, that's a big drop.
Can't get any crazier than that.
But the bank robberies,
and the psycho millionaire
k*lling his son,
and the snake eating the body?
- What the f*ck?
- I know, I know.
I know it's a lot,
but now you know everything.
Okay, no more surprises, I promise.
Okay.
I believe you.
Oh, f*ck, great. Hey, barkeep!
Can I get a bottle of champagne
for me and my girl
who I just won back?
You did not win me back.
Just because you're honest
doesn't change the situation.
I thought we could
kind of start fresh.
What exactly are you picturing?
You're Marty the energy dealer
at work.
You're Isaiah at home.
You're Todd to all my friends.
I can't be in a relationship
with all three of these people.
I'm just one person.
I can be one person.
No more Marty, no more Todd.
Just Isaiah.
But Isaiah's a f*cking criminal.
He doesn't have to be. He can be good.
Give me a chance to prove
I can change for you.
Give me a chance to make things right.
I'll give you two months.
All right.
Cool.
It's a lot of variables at play,
some of which could get me k*lled.
How about five?
Are you seriously negotiating with me?
Two months is perfect.
Perfect timing.
I'll see you then!
[TENSE MUSIC]
Got about minutes.
- Okay.
- See you up there.
Yeah, I'll meet you there
and just let me know.
Hey. How you doing?
My name is Isaiah Foster.
I don't really know
if I'm doing this right,
but I'd like to speak
with someone at the FBI.
So I've read your statement,
Mr. Foster.
♪ ♪
And I want to thank you.
We've had our eye on
Rodney Lamonca for a long time.
And with the information
you've provided us,
I imagine a judge being very lenient.
Only wish you had come forward sooner.
Look, I was scared.
Rodney has friends in the Miami PD.
Plus, cops don't generally serve
and protect dudes like me.
Well, I'm not a cop.
You can tell because I can read
without moving my lips,
and my son still talks to me.
Look, I promise you,
we're not all bad.
- I joined the bureau...
- [PHONE BUZZING]
To put scumbags
like Rodney Lamonca to...
You got somebody texting you?
Just give me one second.
♪ ♪
You're doing great.
Well, well, well, look at
this piece of sh*t right here.
What happened to the other...
Oh, sorry, did you want your mommy?
Oh, she's gone, Stuart Little.
Daddy's home now.
Oh, sh*t, this ain't gon' be good.
Yeah, box kick!
God, I am the Grim Reaper.
I am the Slender Man.
I am gonna stomp your ass, Mini-Me.
My name is Agent Burton.
And you really f*cked up.
By coming in and offering to help?
I think...
it was when you hid a body in a snake.
Hold on.
And then what you
decided to do was just
waltz on in here and tell us about it.
Because I'm cooperating.
I can prove that Rodney
Lamonca committed a m*rder.
Oh, my God, a m*rder?
Oh, do you see a shiny
toy star on my uniform?
What?
Do you see a doughnut
sticking out of my pants?
Because you must think I'm the
sheriff of Dingleberry County.
I'm the FBI. We do real crimes here.
I don't give a sh*t about m*rder.
m*rder is a real crime.
Oh, "m*rder is a real crime."
The lady said you guys
have been looking
for Rodney for a while now.
Yeah, because he is
a national security risk.
We have reason to believe
that Rodney Lamonca
is in possession of some
very sensitive documents.
What the f*ck, like nuclear sh*t?
Oh, yeah, let me just check
your security clearance.
Oh, it's level f*cking skid mark.
The only thing you need to understand
is that you're gonna help me
get those documents back.
I need you on the inside.
You want me to go undercover
with Rodney Lamonca?
- No f*cking way.
- All right.
Then go to prison for
conspiracy to commit m*rder.
That's fine with me.
I mean, a pretty guy like you,
you're gonna be real
popular behind bars,
like a human suck bot.
Oh, I can say that
because I'm bisexual.
Okay.
I'm sorry, does that
make you uncomfortable?
I've been out for years.
Bigots like you don't scare me.
Rodney wants me dead.
How would I even convince
him to hire me back?
I don't know.
You seem like a clever guy.
You'll figure something out.
f*ck.
Well, you got some
big brass balls calling me
out of the blue like this.
You know how much
trouble you caused me?
- With the cops?
- No, with my wife.
Ever since Katrina found out
that her son was m*rder*d,
she's been a total buzzkill.
She stopped whitening her teeth.
She let her fillers go to sh*t.
It's like being married
to a f*cking jack-o'-lantern.
I don't even enjoy cheating
on her anymore
because she deserves it.
So here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna sh**t you
in the f*cking head.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I think he just pulled a g*n.
Should we go in? We should go in.
Oh, my God, what would we do
if this terrible human being
wasn't alive anymore?
Jesus Christ, stop being such a p*ssy.
You know why I can say that, right?
Yeah, because you're bi.
But what if Rodney kills our asset?
Well then, I'll send a
-pack of soda to the funeral.
Just shut up.
I want to see where this goes.
- Go on.
- Three words.
Saw, Palmetto, berries.
♪ ♪
I'm listening.
♪ ♪
Yo!
- You're not gonna sit with me?
- Don't look at me, Thumbelina.
Stare straight ahead,
pretend you're alone,
and order some f*cking fries
so you don't look like a freak.
Hey, hey, can I get some fries?
Yeah, one second, sir.
It's been three f*cking weeks.
Are you ever gonna tell me
what these documents are?
I don't know you well
enough yet to trust you,
so unless you want to suck my
d*ck and fondle my assh*le...
- Jesus.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Is the way that I love weird
to you, you h*m*?
I just need to know
what I'm looking for.
You are looking for Rodney's
secret second phone.
That's where he keeps the documents
that you're not allowed to know about.
I know that phone,
and it's always on him,
so how am I supposed to get it?
I don't know. You're a smart guy.
You'll figure it out.
Wait, wait, you think
I should fight a shark?
You're launching "Predator Power."
You need this night to be
unforgettable.
I mean, unless you're too scared.
f*ck you.
I'm never too scared
because I don't have fear.
Fear is just a product
of our imagination.
It's something the great
Eric Stonestreet taught me.
- So you'll do it?
- I wish.
It's just, you know,
I'm the CEO, remember?
I don't have time
to train for a shark fight.
I know, I know, which is why I think
you should use a stunt double.
BOTH: Like Pitbull.
- Uh-huh.
- Yes, this I like.
This sh*t is gonna make
people's titties hard.
It's gonna make
their sacks get all tight!
Ooh, we're gonna blow
people's f*cking...
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Oh, this is bad!
You guys, this is really bad!
Is there a doctor? Is anyone a doctor?
The f*ck's going on?
The shark ate him!
The shark ate Rodney!
Is anyone a doctor here?
- I'm a pimple popper!
- I review lotions!
[PHONE RINGS]
Did you get it?
No, but I got a lead on a dongle
with data from Rodney's secret phone.
Ooh, okay,
that's that good news
that Daddy's been waiting for.
Okay, but once you get the files,
I need you to give
the dongle back to me.
What, why?
So I can give it to my brother.
There's some other
sensitive data up there
that he needs to do his own thing.
All right, well,
that's f*cking random.
But yeah, sure. Who cares, all right?
Just get Daddy his dongle, okay?
Hey. How you doing?
I'm Dr. Todd Stevenson
from Phoenix General.
A patient of mine was recently
admitted with a head wound.
Gloria.
- Did he order food?
- No.
This m*therf*cker.
Are you gonna order food?
No, I thought, since this was over,
we could stop the charade.
Sitting by yourself drinking coffee,
you look like you just
got out of rehab.
Order some f*cking French fries.
Hey, can I get an order
of fries please?
- It's not here.
- What do you mean?
I scanned everything. It's not here.
God, you f*cked me, you little sh*t.
- Me?
- No, I'm looking at you.
But I'm talking to him.
I've been doing it the whole time.
- You f*cked me, Isaiah.
- How could I f*ck you?
I don't even know
what I'm looking for.
Shh!
♪ ♪
Okay, here.
I am working under direct order
from a very important person
in the executive branch.
Now, that person has reason to believe
that Rodney Lamonca is in possession
of a humiliating personal photo
of a sitting senator from Texas.
Wait, all this is because Donald Tr*mp
wants a d*ck pic of Ted Cruz?
No, I never said that. You said that.
He said that, and besides,
why would Donald Tr*mp want a picture
of Ted Cruz's weird-looking d*ck?
What, so he can pull
it out at meetings?
Oh, sh*t, I don't know.
That would be funny.
Well, how weird is Ted Cruz's d*ck?
Well, I don't know.
To go through all this trouble,
it's got to be
pretty f*cking weird, right?
I don't understand.
Okay, Rodney k*lled somebody.
He just had somebody else
eaten by a shark.
I have evidence of multiple
financial crimes he committed.
But all you seem to care about
is some weird,
petty political blackmail?
You're the FBI.
The FBI was built on weird,
petty politcal blackmail.
Grow up.
Now, here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna give that dongle
back to Rodney,
sell out your brother,
prove your loyalty,
and become the kind of
close personal advisor
with whom Rodney would share
disgusting photos
of famous dicks,
whose ever they might be.
I already called Craig.
He's on his way here right now.
Well, I don't give a rat's ass,
and you know what, I'm gonna
f*cking sit right here,
and I am gonna watch you
tell your brother
that he's gonna get f*cked, okay?
Or else I'm not giving you
back the dongle.
♪ ♪
Here you are.
Thank you.
♪ ♪
- [BELL DINGS]
- Order up!
What's up?
You gonna tell me what's going on?
Yeah, uh, sure.
Before we get to that,
you hungry, man?
You want a fry?
No, I don't want f*cking fries.
I want the dongle
you said you had for me.
Yeah, right, so about the dongle,
little change of plans.
I had to give it to Rodney.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
Something unexpected came up.
I got a more appealing offer.
I don't understand.
What about Jillian?
She's gonna be fine.
Probably won't even k*ll her.
They'll just... I don't know...
slice her up a little bit.
I swear to God, Zay.
You are evil!
I will never forgive you for this.
♪ ♪
There he is! There he is!
f*cking Al Pacino back there!
"I'm a good person."
Ah, you spit a little bit
when you said it.
It was awesome.
Zay, seriously, what the f*ck?
Why we have to do that?
Who was that even for?
[SIGHS]
Okay, I'm working for the FBI.
- FBI?
- Yeah.
But they tried to f*ck me.
They just wanted me to give
the dongle back to Rodney.
But I had other plans.
Okay, dongle!
Hopefully, that little
one-act play we did in there
will give me a head start.
Wait, what do you mean, head start?
What's gonna happen when they find out
you didn't give this to Rodney?
I'll probably have
to go back on the run.
- Maybe to prison.
- Prison?
Zay, you did that for me?
No.
I did it for Maya.
I mean, that sounds sweet,
but it's also kind of insulting.
Like, you could have just said
it was for me.
Would have been a nice moment.
She's not even here.
Take the win, Craigory.
You got the dongle.
I got the dongle.
And sorry I went a little rough on you
back there in the diner.
Yeah, but that wasn't real.
We were doing a thing, right?
You don't actually think
I'm a bad person.
Do you?
I love you, man.
I love you too.
But you didn't answer my question.
You don't got time for all this, okay?
Get that to Prada.
Go save Jillian.
♪ ♪
Calling all Boones!
I come with good news!
I can hire you back!
Hello!
♪ ♪
Oh, sh*t.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪ I'm not in this world ♪
♪ To live up to your expectations ♪
♪ Neither are you here
to live up to mine, yeah ♪
♪ I don't owe no one ♪
♪ No obligation ♪
♪ No, I don't mean none,
so everything is fine ♪
♪ Fine ♪
♪ I said, I am that I am ♪
♪ I am, I am ♪
♪ I am ♪
♪ I am that I am ♪
♪ I am, I am, I am ♪
♪ I am that I am ♪
♪ I am, I am, I am ♪
♪ I am that I am ♪
♪ I am, I am, I am ♪
♪ You could a try more nuttin' ♪
♪ You cannot move I at all ♪
♪ And you can try make a something ♪
♪ That can't move I at all ♪
♪ And could a come with ism ♪
♪ You can't move I at all ♪
- Not a doctor.
- Shh.
02x07 - On the Inside
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Rags-to-riches sitcom about class and capitalism, Craig is a bank security guard living in Miami and struggling to make ends meet.
Rags-to-riches sitcom about class and capitalism, Craig is a bank security guard living in Miami and struggling to make ends meet.