Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr Williams.
- Good morning, ma'am.
- Good morning.
- Morning, Mrs Wilberforce.
Good morning, Mr Brown.
- Morning, madam.
- Good morning.
Fetch the superintendent.
Tell him it's Mrs Wilberforce.
- Good morning, ma'am.
- Good morning, Sergeant.
Ah, good morning, Mrs Wilberforce.
- How very nice to see you again.
- Good morning, Superintendent.
It's about my friend Amelia
and the er... spaceship.
Spaceship?
That she saw in her garden
last Wednesday afternoon.
She er... she hasn't seen it again?
She never saw it in the first place.
Oh, I'm very relieved to hear that.
On Wednesday in children's hour,
they were doing a little play called
"Visitors From Other Worlds".
Amelia had her wireless on.
It's obvious. She dropped off to sleep.
The whole thing was just a dream.
Amelia was so embarrassed.
She quite refused to come here
to tell you herself.
- Well...
- I do hope all sorts of official wheels
haven't been set in motion.
Now, you mustn't
worry about that, ma'am.
I'm very grateful to you
for this additional information.
Now, if you'll allow me,
I'll see you to the door.
But as I was with her
when she came to report it,
I thought it no more than my duty
to come here and explain.
I must say, if there are
any beings on other worlds,
I can't think why they'd want
to come to our world, can you?
Now you mention it, ma'am,
I can't either.
We seem so terribly overcrowded
already, don't we?
It was different when I was a girl,
quite different.
Superintendent.
Ah, your umbrella, ma'am.
You left it behind.
I'm always leaving it.
I don't like it very much, really.
Perhaps that's the reason.
Well, I won't keep you, Superintendent.
Thank you very much
for being so understanding.
Thank you, Mrs Wilberforce,
for being so helpful.
We're always more than pleased
to see you.
Thank you.
Miss Whipple, has there been
anyone about the advertisement?
I'm sorry...
Never mind.
Thank you all the same, Miss Whipple.
Here we are. Come on then.
Come on. Here we are.
- All right. All right.
- Pretty Polly.
All right, my dear.
I haven't been gone so very long,
have I?
Oh, darling. Water. Oh.
Help, help!
♪ That's the time they long for... ♪
Help!
Hey, over here.
- Mrs Wilberforce?
- Yes?
I understand you have rooms to let.
Oh, the rooms, yes.
Won't you come in, please?
Thank you.
- My name's Marcus.
- How do you do, Mr Marcus?
- Professor Marcus.
- Oh, how do you do, Professor?
Yes, I have two, right back...
Yes, would you excuse me a moment
while I put this away, please?
Oh, I'm afraid it's quite impossible
to make it hang evenly,
Professor Marcus,
because of the subsidence.
- Subsidence?
- From the bombing.
- None of the pictures will.
- You have no other lodgers?
Oh, no, the upper floors are
no longer structurally sound.
But the two rooms at the rear,
they're quite all right.
- Then you live here all alone?
- Yes.
I think I should tell you, Professor,
I'm unable to provide breakfast
or early morning tea.
This is the sitting room.
And the bedroom is just down here.
These rooms do need an airing,
don't they?
I'm afraid there's no proper service.
And the view is, well...
Most exhilarating.
The rooms will suit me admirably,
Mrs Wilberforce.
Oh.
I shall move in tomorrow
if that is convenient to you.
Tomorrow?
- Oh.
- Hello.
What's that? Who's talking?
It's only General Gordon.
He belonged to my late husband.
- I had four.
- Husbands?
- No, parrots. And now I've only three.
- Parrots.
There's one small point,
Mrs Wilberforce.
Some friends and I have formed
a small musical group.
- Oh...
- A string quintet, in fact.
Then you're a musician,
a professor of music?
No, no, no. Merely an amateur,
you understand.
But we have been looking
for somewhere to practise.
- Now, would it be agreeable to you...
- ...if you were to practise here?
Oh, Professor Marcus,
I should be delighted.
I've always loved music.
Now, if you'll come into my sitting room,
I'll find you a key.
I've got a spare one
here somewhere in my desk.
I'll let you have it.
Then you can let yourself in,
should I happen to be out
when you arrive.
You know, I shall be able to
let my friends in of an evening.
They can come and go
without disturbing you.
Oh, it wouldn't disturb me
in the least.
I have very few friends.
It'll be very pleasant
having someone in the house again.
Ah... These are
my three little companions.
You see? This is General Gordon,
that's Admiral Beatty
and this one is called...
Mildred.
I should like to pay
a few weeks in advance.
- Three guineas, I think the...
- No, no, no, please.
That will do quite well
when you come tomorrow.
I shall have the rooms aired.
And if there's anything I can do,
I do hope you won't hesitate to ask.
You are most kind.
And if I may say so,
you have a very curious
and charming house.
Such pretty windows.
Thank you.
I'm rather afraid the position...
I always think the windows
are the eyes of a house.
And didn't someone say,
"The eyes are the windows of the soul"?
I don't really know,
but it's such a charming thought.
I do hope someone expressed it.
Well, au revoir.
- Good morning, Professor Marcus.
- Till tomorrow.
Oh...
Did you understand all that?
We're going to have
a guest in the house.
♪ But I saw them last night
having, oh, such a time
♪ In the twilight... ♪
All right, Mrs Wilberforce.
I'll answer it.
It must be my friends.
Ah, good evening, Major Courtney.
Good evening, Professor.
- I hope I'm not too early.
- Not at all. Not at all.
Mrs Wilberforce,
may I present Major Courtney?
How do you do, Mrs Wilberforce?
I'm honoured.
Come in, gentlemen. Come in.
- May I introduce Mr Lawson?
- How do you do, gentlemen? Mr Lawson.
And Mr Robinson. Mrs Wilberforce.
- Mr Robinson.
- All right. Thank you.
- You're the cellist, Mr Lawson?
- Er... what, ma'am?
- He's the cellist.
- Yeah. I'm the, er...
There's only Mr Harvey to come.
I think perhaps we might, erm...
- go upstairs.
- Yes. Yes.
- Excuse me, Mrs Wilberforce.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, Major.
Here. What's all this about, Doc?
Take out your instruments.
Not "Doc" this time, Harry.
"Professor".
Good evening, Mr Harvey.
It is Mr Harvey, isn't it?
Yes, it is Mr Harvey.
Come in. Come in.
The others are all here.
Our Mrs Wilberforce.
- The temperamental one.
- Oh.
I do hope you'll be comfortable,
gentlemen.
Upstairs.
And I do wish you well
with your efforts.
Professor Marcus has told me
so much about you.
I really must just tell you
how very happy I am
to have you all here.
Thank you.
Who's she?
What does she mean
you told her so much about us?
We supposed to make noises
with these things?
- What kind of noises?
- Who is she?
Not noises, One-Round, music.
- I said, what does she mean, you...
- Shh!
I tell you, it makes no sense.
If we have to have someone to bring
out the money, let's get a professional.
- We'll bring it out ourselves.
- Make a spectacular getaway, you mean.
At 70 miles an hour in the heart of London
in broad daylight.
- We'll take it back into the station...
- ...and send it out by train.
What any intelligent policeman
would expect us to do.
You've quite a flair, Louis,
for the obvious.
Can't you appreciate that Mrs Wilberforce
is not a mere appendage to my plan,
she's the very core of it.
- A lopsided old grandma.
- Yeah.
How can we trust her to do it right
if she don't even know what she's doing?
One-Round?
Sweet little old lady like her,
it just don't seem right for her
to be working with us on a stick-up caper.
I tell you, I don't like old ladies.
I don't like having them around.
I can't stand them.
One-Round!
I thought perhaps before
you've all become too absorbed,
you and your guests
might like a cup of tea.
Oh, you shouldn't.
You know, Professor,
you didn't tell me
the truth about yourself
and these other gentlemen.
You're not the least bit like amateurs.
You really must be professionals.
- You're every bit as good.
- Not quite.
Though we are rather proud
of Mr Harvey's timbre.
And that pizzicato passage, Mr Lawson...
quite delightful!
May I ask you where you studied?
Well, I didn't really study anyplace, lady.
I just picked it up.
You know, I was so surprised
when I heard what you were playing.
It brought back something that really
I'd completely forgotten all about.
My 21st birthday party.
You see, my father had engaged
a string quintet
to come in and play in the evening.
And while they were playing Boccherini,
someone came in and said
the old queen had passed away.
Then everyone went home.
That was the end of my party.
All that time ago in Pangbourne.
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll run and make the tea.
The kettle must be nearly on the boil.
Who's she talking about? Old queen who?
Look, I don't care how we do this job,
but let's leave her out of it.
I say, hadn't we better
discuss it later?
I don't want it discussed,
I want it settled - here and now.
All right, Louis.
I'll put it to the vote.
But understand this:
No one is indispensable,
and certainly not you, Louis.
Only the plan is essential,
the plan, my plan.
Major, if we don't use Mrs W,
if we call in someone else,
we'll each have to take a smaller cut.
- Yes.
- Good, we see eye-to-eye.
I don't care what it means,
I want her out of it.
Two for her, one against.
Harry?
I... I just don't think we can depend on
a screwy old dame like that.
It's up to you, One-Round.
Er...
Are you going to leave a decision like this
to a thick-eared muscle man like him?
- How would he know?
- What do you mean?
I got a vote too, ain't I?
It's a democracy, ain't it?
And what's the matter
with muscle anyway?
OK, I'm with you and the Major.
Mrs Lopsided just got elected.
- Of all the stupid ways to decide.
- Bravo!
A majority decision
to do the intelligent thing.
Louis, you accept that decision,
or you pack up your fiddle
and play elsewhere.
All right. But there's just one thing.
I've never worked with you before,
and I don't know anything about you.
But Major has, and he says you've got
quite a reputation as a master brain.
He'd better be right.
If you do your job as well as Mrs W
will do hers,
I shall be well satisfied.
You just worry about your plan!
Because her part of it sounds to me
like something somebody dreamt up
in the booby hatch to while away the...
Well, now. Shall I be mother?
'The train now arriving at platform one
'is the one-five from Cambridge.'
Excuse me, Major Courtney,
I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea?
I wonder if perhaps you'd
like some tea, Major Courtney?
No, thank you, Mrs Wilberforce.
Please don't bother.
I could make some coffee
if you'd prefer.
No, thank you. You're very kind.
Thank you.
Yes, Mrs Wilberforce?
So sorry to bother you, Major,
but before you start again,
would one of you
hold General Gordon for me?
I have to give him his medicine, you see.
I can't quite manage by myself.
Mr Robinson, would you mind
giving Mrs Wilberforce a hand?
It's a pleasure, Mrs Wilberforce,
I assure you.
- I hope you gentlemen will excuse me.
- Extremely kind, Mr Robinson.
- He does dislike taking his medicine...
- I'll do it right away for you.
I'm afraid it's rather nasty.
I think I'd better ask the vet
to make it a little more palatable.
You leave it to me, ma'am.
I'm very good with birds.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
Tea, coffee, mend the plumbing,
give the parrot his medicine.
Give the parrot his medicine?
- Ow!
- Oh!
- Oh, I'm so sorry. I do apologise.
- It's all right, Mrs Wilberforce.
- No, no, no.
- I assure you,
- he's never bitten anyone before.
- Hasn't he?
I wonder how we're to get him down.
Oh, I am so sorry, Mr Robinson.
I'll get a bandage.
No, don't bother, Mrs Wilberforce.
It's all right.
Swab the decks!
Swab the decks yourself,
you filthy-looking...
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Poor Mr Robinson.
I'm so sorry, Major Courtney,
but I'm afraid General Gordon
has bitten Mr Robinson's finger.
Now he's on top of the cabinet
and refuses to come down.
Mr Robinson is on top of the cabinet?
Oh, no, Mr Harvey. General Gordon.
Mr Lawson, you're the tallest.
Do you think you could try
to get him down for us?
Sure, I'll get him, ma'am.
I feel I'm being such a bother.
How could you possibly
think a thing like that?
Oh, you are kind.
...very fond of parrots, and they were
at sea for many years with my husband.
Here, I'll do it.
- All right, Pavlova.
- Captain Wilberforce was in the Marines.
Oh, be quiet, you naughty bird.
- Hello.
- Come here, birdie.
Do be careful, Mr Lawson.
General Gordon, General Gordon!
Mr Robinson, don't laugh. Do catch him.
Mr Lawson, it's all right.
He'll help you in a minute.
General Gordon.
Oh, don't open the door, Major.
He mustn't get out.
Oh, Major, could you...
Oh, Mr Lawson...
no, you're in the chair.
- Mr Robinson.
- Give us a hand, will you?
Oh...
I'll get him for you.
- Yes, he'll get him.
- Here, General. Nice birdie.
- What are you doing?
- Him.
- Steady, steady. No v*olence!
- What are you doing?
There he goes.
Well, get him. Surely the three of you
can catch a parrot.
But there's no ladder.
Somebody has to go out of the window.
Go on, then.
Lend him a hand. Get him.
I'm wounded in the hand.
Get him yourself.
Oh, I do apologise for the disturbance.
Now, you really mustn't
trouble any more.
You know, the last time
I just phoned the police.
And they came round with the fire brigade
and long ladders.
Oh, the wicked, wicked bird.
It's always General Gordon too.
He's the naughty one.
Don't worry about the police
or the fire brigade.
I'm not chasing any parrot.
I don't care if he's a field marshal.
Land ahoy!
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. General Gordon.
I'm not too keen on heights, you know.
Never mind, you stay where you are.
I'll get him.
All aboard.
- Sorry, ma'am, but...
- It's all right. You couldn't help it.
Oh, Mr Lawson.
That's great! Now he's flown off again.
Major, was that your nose?
Are you all right?
Pretty Polly.
Good morning, Louis.
Why, there he is.
I am so sorry you've been disturbed.
Poor darling, he does so dislike
taking his medicine.
I think that he's been so upset,
I'll leave it until tomorrow.
Right, tomorrow.
Oh, Professor, as the practice
has already been interrupted,
- are you quite sure you wouldn't like any...
- No, thank you, Mrs Wilberforce.
No tea. Thank you all the same.
Oh, well. I'll make quite sure
you're not disturbed again.
I'm ashamed of you.
Ashamed of you causing all this...
Such a disturbance.
I'm going to shut you in.
- But you were a good little girl.
- Naughty Polly.
Naughty Polly.
Nervous, Louis?
- Let's get started.
- Yeah.
Now, Harry. The g*n.
- Right.
- Thank you.
Hey, what do you think you're trying to do?
Hey, move on.
Go on, get a move on.
We want to get past here.
What's the big idea? You're in our way.
Get out of here, will you? Oh.
- There's no driver here.
- Now, what's all this about?
Take the hand brake off, will you?
Hey!
Disturbance at King's Cross.
'The train now arriving at platform one
'is the one-five from Cambridge.'
Here, Charlie.
Take this lot up to parcels.
Yeah, all right.
Hello, M2GW, from HPC.
Urgent message begins:
Car believed concerned in armed robbery,
King's Cross area,
- found abandoned in Field Street.
- It's the one.
There is no trace of stolen property.
It'll disorganise
the entire running of the trains.
We know that, sir. We gotta check
all luggage going out of here.
You can't hold up traffic
on a mainline station.
We're sure the stuff was brought in here
They'll try and ship it out under our noses.
We've gotta check on all the exits.
They must be inside.
Yes, yes, all right.
I'll phone the Yard.
In broad daylight?
I mind me own business.
If you don't mind, just open up.
Excuse me.
Sure, it belongs to me aunt Kate.
She's just after dying and
leaving me a few old knickknacks.
Family items. Keepsakes, you might...
Excuse me. Could you tell me
where I'd go to collect a trunk?
Just over there, madam,
where it says "parcels".
Thank you.
Now, how many pieces of luggage
have you booked in
in the last 10 to 15 minutes?
- Excuse me.
- Just a minute, lady.
You mean going out or coming in?
Going out, leaving the station!
How many?
I'll have to check.
It's a trunk. Professor Marcus,
who lodges with me,
is having a trunk sent up from...
where was it? Cambridge.
He's leaving today.
Coming in from Cambridge for Marcus.
Right. Will you sign for it,
please, ma'am?
There it is, right...
Going out, how many?
Let me look at the list, will you?
Now, Major, before we start,
let's press button "a", shall we?
- 'It's the police.'
- That's better.
Major...
Major, I want you to keep calm,
speak quietly and concentrate.
Have you got that?
Splendid.
Mrs W should be coming
into view just about...
...now.
Now she's driving away.
Major, Major, Major.
Relax! Calm down!
Back to the station!
She's come back to the station!
What's wrong?
Major, Major, what's happening?
- Louis, Louis, Louis.
- Major?
Will you mind
your own business, please?
Louis. Give us a listen, Louis.
- Get out.
- You get out.
- Louis, I want to hear what he says.
- Major, tell me what's happening.
I'm always leaving it.
Tell me, what's she doing?
- What's going on here?
- It's all right.
It's just that she went back
to get her umbrella.
She could've shopped us all.
The silly old...
What you knocking her for?
She done it, didn't she?
We're nearly home, Louis.
What can possibly go wrong now?
- Driver, stop at once!
- Eh? What?
- Go, get out of here!
- I say!
Young man, stop that.
Young man, did you hear me?
What are you doing to that horse?
Go on, get out of here
Is this your horse?
Go on, get out of here! Go on, get out!
Shoo! Go on. Get out of it.
Young man.
Do you mind?
Now, go on, get out of it.
Get this horse out of the way there.
- Whose horse is it?
- Will you leave that horse alone!
Look, missus, will you mind
your own business? And don't prod.
- Get out of here!
- The poor, defenceless animal.
Look, missus, you don't understand.
He's been following me
all the way down from Burton Street.
He's had three pounds
of my best pippins.
Let's see, that's one in six...
he's at it again.
Go on, get out of here
No, now stop it this instant
or I shall report you to the authorities.
Look, missus, will you mind
your own business?
Driver, driver.
Look, if you like the horse, if you
don't want me to break all four of its legs,
get him out of here!
Driver, I insist that you do something
to stop this vicious brute.
- Listen, lady, this is no business of ours.
- Keep out of this!
- Keep out!
- Look, lady...
Keep out! Now get the old witch
out of here!
The poor, innocent animal.
He's hungry. You don't feed him enough.
Are you going to stand there
while this hooligan...
Look, he's at it again!
Oh, boy, go for a constable.
- No, lady, please.
- Get out!
Now, listen...
Now, steady on.
Stop it, I say. How disgr...
- Bogies, I knew it.
- Let's get out of here
No, slowly. Drive round the corner
and come back.
Constable!
This ruffian has been behaving
disgracefully.
What's all this about?
What about my barrow?
Where's my horse?
Stop that!
Where's my horse?
- Where's my horse?
- All right, what's going on here?
- How did all this get started?
- Constable. I can explain.
Officer, he started it.
Look what he's done to my cab.
Your cab? What about my barrow?
What about my wagon?
And where's my horse?
I don't believe it.
- I don't believe it.
- Shut up!
It's just sitting there.
Look, couldn't we...
No one, I hope, is going to suggest
that we steal it.
Quiet, quiet!
- What's going on, Sergeant?
- There's been a fight in the street, sir.
- I'm so glad you're here
- What are you doing here?
This lout has been behaving...
Do you mean to say you know her
and you let her walk around loose?
Don't you distress yourself, ma'am.
- You don't know what she's done.
- Be quiet!
- Look what she did...
- Be quiet!
You better go home, ma'am.
If we need a statement, we'll call on you.
Wilson, take this lady home.
Use my car.
And it's a brown horse,
11 years old and answers
to the name of Dennis.
This way, please.
Could you put it there?
That's right. Ah.
It's so good of you.
I do hope I haven't been a bother.
No, ma'am. It's all right.
Good afternoon.
Harry, the police! They're at the house.
They're actually in the house.
But... where are the others?
The bogies brought it home for her.
What did you expect?
♪ In the twilight
♪ Oh, in the beautiful twilight
♪ They all go out ♪
Ah, Professor.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Your last rehearsal.
Ah, Professor, I must give you back
your ten shillings.
You see, the cab man
wouldn't take any money,
because he said he was going
into some other business.
How about that, eh?
How about that?
Right. Got it?
You know, I was even hoping
you'd be able to play for them.
Oh, yes, Boccherini.
You know, if only you could have stayed
just a few minutes longer.
They will be so disappointed
to have missed you.
And as for me, well, I'm sad to you go.
Gotta get my cello upstairs.
I only hope you've enjoyed it
as much as I have.
Indeed we have, madam,
thank you, thank you.
Goodbye, Major Courtney.
And I do wish you good fortune
in your travels.
- Thank you very much.
- Oh, indeed, I do.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Goodbye, Professor Marcus.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
- Goodbye.
- Tootle-oo.
Mr Lawson, I must tell you,
when I was listening to your playing
of that andante passage a while ago,
I thought it the most sensitive playing
I'd ever heard.
- You thought it was good, eh?
- Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
Bye-bye, Mrs Lop...
Bye-bye, Mrs Wilberforce.
- Thanks for the nice tea and everything.
- Not at all.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
What is that moron playing at?
It's stuck in the door. The case is...
Well, ring the bell, brains.
Don't just stand there.
Thank you.
It's all right, Mrs Wilberforce.
Everything's under control. Goodbye.
Good bye.
- Get over in the car there.
- Hey, that's my money.
- Go on.
- Wait a minute. Stop and think.
- We haven't the time. Drive on.
- I said wait a minute!
What are we going to do about her?
Stop! Go! Stop! Go! Make your mind up!
I tell you, we must do something.
She knows.
She saw the money. She'll talk.
And my picture's on file
and so is Harry's and yours.
If they take her down to the gallery,
she'll shop us.
They've got our fingers and thumbs.
Professor Marcus,
I don't quite know how to say this...
I suppose you're wondering about
the money in Mr Lawson's cello case.
Why, it's only natural that you should.
I don't think we told you that Mr Lawson
sold his butcher shop in Hammersmith.
- That's right, I did.
- Yes, yes. He got the cash for it,
'cause there wasn't time to, er...
write a cheque.
I still don't quite understand.
You're wondering about the music.
You're wondering how Mr Lawson...
is er... able to play
Without a cello.
Yes, but...
Yes, he's going on this tour,
and all he's got in there is...
and no cello.
- We must get her out of here
- A snatch?
Get her into the car.
- Good afternoon, Louisa.
- Good afternoon, Amelia.
Do come in. These are...
Oh, then you were able
to stay to tea after all.
Oh, how very, very nice.
What an exciting surprise.
- We'll have to take them both.
- We've got to get away.
Excuse me, won't you?
- Professor Marcus...
- Oh, good afternoon.
And Hypatia. How are you?
Let me present these gentlemen.
Amelia, you've met Professor Marcus
and this is Major Courtney.
Hypatia, have you met Major Courtney?
What do you think we should do,
charter a bus?
Mr Robinson and Mr Harvey.
- Lettice, oh, dear.
- Oh, Louisa, dear, I'm so sorry I'm late.
Ladies, ladies.
Would you all please
step into my sitting room?
Ladies, ladies.
There's been a terrible robbery
at King's Cross station
at one o'clock this afternoon.
Oh, have you a paper?
May I the latest test score?
A robbery? At King's Cross station?
Yes, it must have been terribly exciting.
The paper says...
- What is the score?
- Australia all out for 60,000.
Oh... at one o'clock?
Yes. The papers say that
the police are not certain...
310. They're out for 310.
They're not certain how the money
was brought from the station.
£60,000, they say it is.
Ladies, ladies, please. Do you mind?
You'll step into the sitting room
for a few minutes.
I'll be with you in a moment,
but I've something of a very private nature
to say to these gentlemen.
Constance, I can't help it.
I'm very sorry.
Hypatia, I was asking you
to step into the sitting room.
- Oh, but I want to talk to Major Courtney.
- I can't help it, my dear.
- Slip out, move the car into the next row.
- All right.
Uh-uh.
Leave that here
Professor Marcus, I take it there's no need
for me to look at the newspaper.
Indeed, I thought not.
I am shocked by this revelation.
Shocked and appalled.
And I must tell you, all of you...
- Where's Mr Robinson gone?
- He'll, er... he'll be back in a moment.
Now, look, missus,
we haven't got much time.
Louisa, you've only laid five places.
Surely these gentlemen
are staying for tea.
They want to play to us.
No, I don't...
Oh, no.
I'm sorry, but we mustn't press them.
- Oh, let them play, Louisa.
- We can't press them, Lettice.
I'm sorry. They must hurry.
It'd be nice
when we're having our teas.
Come, dear.
Yes, we will have them by and by.
Now, Amelia, if you don't mind.
They'll all come. I assure you.
Yes, I do assure you.
You know, at the bottom of the garden
there's a most jolly little...
Hypatia, didn't you hear me say
we'll just go in the sitting room?
Yes, go in. I'm sure
they'll come by and by.
Louisa, I think it's very unfair.
Well, there's nothing for it.
You'll have to come in.
But please remember this:
These are some of my oldest
and closest friends.
They mustn't get the slightest inkling
of this disgraceful affair.
Oh, really. This is the
most embarrassing position.
Embarrassing and humiliating.
Simply try for one hour
to behave like gentlemen.
All right, ma'am.
No, please.
Now we will go in.
♪ Darling, I am growing old
♪ Silver threads among the gold
♪ Shine upon my brow today
♪ Life is fading fast away
♪ But, my darling, you will be, Will be
♪ Ever as young and fair to me... ♪
Well, goodbye, ladies.
Good bye.
I thought they'd never go home.
Mrs Wilberforce, I don't think
you quite understand
the intricacies
of this particular situation.
Let me try to explain, Mrs Wilberforce.
You see, in this case, it would do no good
to take the money back.
Strange as it may seem to you,
nobody wants the money back.
Don't expect me to believe that.
But it's true, Mrs Wilberforce.
You see, this particular shipment
of money was insured.
So now the insurance company
simply pays to the factory £60,000,
and then,
in order to recover its money,
it puts one farthing
on all the premiums,
on all the policies
for all the next year.
You see?
So how much real harm
have we done anybody?
One farthing's worth, Mrs Wilberforce,
one farthing's worth.
You hadn't thought of it
like that, had you?
Hey, you know what?
I never thought of it like that either.
Surely it isn't as simple as all that.
I assure you, if we tried
to take the money back now,
it would simply confuse
the whole issue.
- They wouldn't even take it back.
- That's perfectly true.
Oh, but it's quite ridiculous.
Before you speak, Mrs Wilberforce,
has it occurred to you
to wonder why five such men as ourselves
should have been driven to this?
Why we should risk apprehension,
public humiliation, disgrace?
There is not one amongst us
who is not burdened
with responsibilities to others.
Major, tell her.
Tell her your own story.
- No, no, I...
- Oh, please, Claude. Tell her.
Well, it's just that, well...
At this very moment, Mrs Wilberforce,
there is waiting an invalid,
a dear, sweet, little old lady,
not, may heaven bless her,
not unlike yourself,
waiting with patient serenity,
but with high hope
that she has nothing more to fear.
My mother.
Each of them
could tell a similar story.
I planned the robbery, Mrs Wilberforce.
I wanted to help them.
No, I don't think,
even if what you say is true,
I still don't think it can be said
to be enough justification...
- Madam, how can you be so heartless?
- You're a cruel woman.
But to sit in judgment
on your fellow creatures.
I'm sorry.
This is getting us nowhere.
We must do something.
Quite right, Mr Harvey,
we've got to tell her.
Mrs Wilberforce,
I wanted to spare you this,
but I'm afraid
the police are after you too.
That's right, you're as hot as
the rest of us, ma'am.
As hot?
If they pick her up, there's no saying
what they may do to her.
Pick me up?
- Would you mind explaining...
- The job was planned in her house.
- She carried the lolly for us.
- Yes, I know I carried the lolly, but...
She was ignorant of the plan,
of course.
Ignorance in the sight of the law
is no excuse,
even if we swear that she didn't know
what she was doing.
- They'd never believe us.
- Yeah.
Who'd believe anything we said?
Oh, but this is ridiculous.
I know the superintendent.
- I shall deny any knowledge.
- She'll never stand up to it, of course.
- The grilling, the rubber hoses.
- The rest of her life sewing mail bags.
Mail bags?
- And no one to look after the parrots.
- Oh.
We won't let them get you,
Mrs Wilberforce.
- Why not?
- What's she ever done for us?
If they get us, I'll tell them
she planned the job.
- I'll tell them she planned the big one.
- Oh.
The Eastcastle Street job.
Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
- It's a bogey.
- A bogey?
Oh, no.
- Look, out the back way.
- Stay where you are.
- Don't answer it.
- We must answer it. The light's on.
When you were at the station
with the trunk, what did you say to them?
Nothing. I've no idea.
I don't remember.
- Let's get out of here
- Where do we go?
No one's going anywhere.
Mrs Wilberforce, listen to me.
Go to the door. Ask him what he wants.
- Say you're going to bed early.
- Yes.
If he asks about me, say I left
this afternoon for Manchester.
Manchester.
- Don't let him in, you understand?
- No.
He can't come in
without a search warrant.
Not without a search warrant.
You don't want to rot in stir
for the rest of your life. Be sensible.
Stay buttoned up.
Buttoned up?
Yes?
- Er... good evening, Mrs Wilberforce.
- What do you want?
It's Sergeant McDonald.
Yes, I know who it is.
What do you want?
The superintendent asked me to call in
on the way back.
What about? What's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing, ma'am.
Just to let you know,
we've sorted out all that rumpus.
- You'll not be wanted.
- I won't be wanted?
- I won't come in. I'm all wet.
- You can't come in!
I'm going to bed early.
Professor Marcus left this afternoon.
You can't come in
without a search warrant.
A search warrant, ma'am?
What would I be wanting
with a search warrant?
You haven't got a search warrant,
have you?
- No, ma'am.
- Then good night.
He...
- ...c-coming.
- Oh, dear. Don't let him in.
Whatever he says,
just tell him to buzz off.
You're quite sure
you're all right, Mrs Wilber...
Of course I'm all right.
Now, will you please buzz off?
He's going off. He's going away.
Was that all right?
Fine. Give him time to move on.
- Now, now, Mrs Wilberforce. In here
- The cases.
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Don't go near a police station again,
any police station.
And don't speak to
a police constable again,
under any circumstances.
Just lie low and stay buttoned up,
you understand?
Don't talk to anybody about anything.
Surely you don't intend to
take the money.
Surely we must send back the money.
I agree that we must stay low and...
and buttoned up.
- It wouldn't be right to keep the money.
- What?
Now, listen, ma'am.
Listen with both ears.
We've had about all
we're going to take from you.
You don't seem to realise
what this situation means.
No.
No.
- I was quite wrong.
- Doesn't she understand?
No, it isn't any good.
I know what we must do.
I know I carried the lolly for you,
but even if they do
make me sew mail bags,
I would rather...
rather go to the police station
and give myself up.
It ought to look like an accident.
- How about su1c1de?
- What do you mean?
Well, get her to write a note,
you know.
"I just couldn't stand it no more.
Signed, Mrs Wilberforce."
And then somebody goes down
and hangs her.
- Hmm?
- Very funny.
You got a better idea?
Who's gonna do it?
I couldn't.
I should be terrified of... muffing it.
- I mean to say...
- Well.
It ought to be someone
experienced in...
- Why look at me? Why should I...
- We know how you feel about her.
You've told us so often
that you hate little old ladies.
Why not you? You are the one
who masterminded this mess.
I... I'm not...
Professor, if we're going to
the police station, we ought to go now.
Well, we'd sooner not go now, ma'am,
not in this rain.
Mr Lawson here's got a bad cold.
Oh, very well.
As soon as the rain stops.
I think, in the meanwhile,
I had better lock these away,
out of temptation.
Thank you.
No, no. I... I won't. I can't.
Come, now, Major.
Enough of that.
No... No, no, I... I can't.
All right, Louis.
I lost.
I'll do it.
No, no. Not down there.
Not in her own room.
Not in front of the parrots.
Send her up here afterwards.
Ah, good.
Mrs Wilberforce,
Major Courtney would like to
speak to you privately,
if you don't mind. Upstairs.
Major Courtney? But what can he...
just a moment, please.
If you wouldn't mind
just going upstairs,
I think you'll find he has the solution
to all our problems.
It won't take a minute.
Yes, Major Courtney?
She had to go.
She asked for it.
She's probably been asking for it
all her life.
Yeah.
Look what she done to that barrow boy
and the cabby and the junk man.
All of 'em out of business
in ten minutes.
I promise you, Mrs Wilberforce,
they've no intention of letting you
take them to the police.
- But Professor Marcus said...
- He was lying.
At this very moment,
they believe me to be...
to be bargaining for your silence.
These men are criminals.
And I, too, am one of them.
All the same, I don't like it.
Shut up, will ya? Shut up!
Please, please.
Let us try to be patient.
All I ask you is to believe me
when I say, well,
a spark of decency remains.
I was moved, madam, by your appeal.
I shall go to the police,
even if the others do not.
But I... I need your help.
Stay here Guard the money.
Give me time to reach
the officers of the law
and bring them back with me.
Er... you do trust me, don't you?
Yes, but, er...
Major.
Major?
What's taking him so long?
What's taking him so...
Be quiet. I am still
talking to Major Courtney.
Wait downstairs.
He's gone. The Major's gone.
- He's crossed us.
- Mrs Wilberforce.
It's gone. The lolly's gone!
- He didn't go the back way.
- He's done us. He's took the lot!
I've nothing to say!
I'm going to stay buttoned up.
Louis! On the roof!
On the roof, quickly!
Cover the back!
Come!
Now, now, Louis.
Well, don't get excited.
Oh, my word!
- Professor...
- No, thank you, Mrs Wilberforce.
- May I ask you...
- No tea. Thank you all the same.
What are you all doing? Professor!
Where did you get that cello case?
I'll have that, Mr Robinson.
I gave Mrs Wilberforce our word
that no attempt would be made
to remove the money.
Thank you. Thank you!
Be sensible, old man.
You don't think I'd walk out on you?
The idea is preposterous.
You know me better than that.
Louis! Oh, no. Louis, old chap. Please.
No. Don't. No. Louis, Louis!
No. Louis, Louis!
It won't do any harm to tell you now.
Major Courtney has gone for the police.
They'll be here shortly.
Oh, whatever's that?
- I expect something fell off the roof.
- The roof?
- Maybe a chimney pot.
- A chimney pot?
Who it is, Harry.
We'll talk about this
when the police get here
It's long past my bedtime,
and I've had a most exhausting day.
Well, where is he? Where is the Major?
Is he up there still?
No, no. He, er... he come down.
Well, bring him here
He come down with the chimney pot.
The chimney... is he hurt?
I shouldn't think he felt a thing.
I just decided something.
I decided I changed my mind.
I ain't gonna do it.
- What?
- Why not?
- What are you saying?
- You're in this as much as we are.
It's too late now, One-Round,
to have a mind to change.
This is a hanging matter, One-Round.
Why is it a hanging matter
for doing the Major
any more than it is
for doing Mrs Lopsided?
That's not the point.
- Come on.
- Listen.
I drew the match last time, didn't I?
I took my chances, didn't I?
I sat there when we thought
the Major was doing it.
OK? I've had enough.
If we were gonna do it, we should have
done it and got it over with.
- Ah... you're being stupid.
- OK, I'm stupid.
But nobody touches Mrs Lopsided,
nobody.
I see.
Maybe One-Round is right.
What?
As One-Round says,
the first thing to do
is to lose the poor old Major.
There's a wheelbarrow out there.
Would you mind fetching it, please?
- What for?
- The Major has a train to catch.
Psst, psst.
Harry and Louis are desperate men.
We must be careful.
Let's get this clear.
No one is running out now.
- That goose head is...
- ...unreliable.
And dangerous.
I had to sweeten him.
That leaves the three of us.
All right.
Stop the clowning, will ya?
- Come on.
- All right, Harry.
I'll give One-Round a hand.
You stay with Louis.
Too noisy, eh?
No, no, no, no...
No, I can manage all right. Thank you.
Yeah.
Hello, madam.
We're in a tough spot.
Don't shout out or any...
I think, One-Round,
you'd better fetch the car.
Here is the key.
There's no need
to go through the house.
Hey... Hey, Professor.
You wouldn't be trying
to get me out of the way, would you?
- Don't be stupid, One-Round.
- Don't call me that.
Just don't call me stupid.
Just tell me what's going on!
Hey! Hey, what are they doin' in there?
- No, no. It wasn't me.
- You done her! You done her! You...
- No, look! It was Harry!
- Why, you...
He's got the money. He's gone!
- You done her!
- No, I never...
- Ah...
- You done her!
No, I never!
Where's your sense of humour,
One-Round?
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!
I said nobody was to do her!
- I said... I said...
- Mr Harvey!
I said nobody was to do Mrs Lopsided!
Stop that!
What are you doing?
And who is Mrs Lopsided, may I ask?
- Where's Mr Robinson?
- He's...
He's... he's outside.
Somebody took the key.
The cello case has gone.
It's, er... out there too.
Well, bring it in.
I fell asleep.
Somebody took the key out of my pocket.
- I'm very angry.
- As you have every right to be.
It's disgraceful, Mrs Wilberforce.
Shameful.
Mr Robinson will answer for it.
I'll take that, thank you.
Professor Marcus,
this is another black mark against you.
I shall certainly tell the police.
What happened?
Why, er...
I thought they'd done her in.
I thought Harry done her.
So?
So, all right. I made a mistake.
- Put him in the barrow.
- No.
What? What are you saying?
You lose Harry. I'm staying with mum.
Have you any idea what's making
those officers so long in coming?
All right.
But afterwards, before we do her,
we have to take care of him.
What my husband would have said
about all this if he were alive!
Captain Wilberforce
was in the Mercantile Marines.
He went down with his ship,
oh, 29 years ago,
in a typhoon in the China Sea.
These three little creatures
were with him.
He kept them in his cabin.
Captain Wilberforce made sure
they were safely on the last boat.
But he himself remained
at the salute on the bridge.
Look, er...
I make a proposition to you.
I'll take care of him
if you take care of her.
That's a straight 50-50 split, huh?
No, no.
I would rather it was the other way about.
Let me have One-Round.
- You take care of Mrs W.
- Wait.
Guess who's next.
Wait a minute, One-Round, don't sh**t.
Don't sh**t. Don't sh**t.
Look, we can make a deal.
You'll never get away by yourself.
I'll help you.
Do him. He's the one
who got you into this - do him.
I heard ya, both of ya.
I've been standing here all the time.
Sure, you two were gonna put me
on the train.
And all the time you been telling me
how stupid I am.
OK. So who looks stupid now, eh?
The safety catch was on.
It was a good plan, you know.
I've worked on so many plans,
and they were all good,
but this was the best.
Except for the human element.
All good plans
include the human element,
but then, I admit you were right.
No really good plan
could include Mrs Wilberforce.
Unless, of course, we had more men.
There were only five of us.
What's the matter?
What's the matter with you?
Take it easy, will you?
But it would take 20 or 30 or 40, perhaps,
to deal with her,
because we'll never be able
to k*ll her, Louis.
She'll always be with us.
Forever and ever and ever.
And there's nothing we can do.
You're crazy!
You mustn't say things like that, Louis,
because I told you...
You mustn't make me angry!
Over here, Louis.
Seven gone, Louis. One more to go.
Louis.
Louis...
Ooh-hoo!
What are you doing?
I won't keep you, Louis.
There'll be another train soon.
But I do hope you'll believe me.
It's true I carried the lolly,
but I wasn't really one of the g*ng.
I admit the caper was planned
in my house,
but it wasn't I who planned it.
And I did not plan or have anything to do
with the Eastcastle Street job.
Didn't you, ma'am?
I don't even know
where Eastcastle Street is.
Oh, good morning, Superintendent.
- I was just telling the sergeant...
- Morning.
If you'll forgive me, I'm rather late
for an important conference.
I'm sure Sergeant Harris'll
look after you all right.
Oh, but, Superintendent, I did want to ask
your advice about some things.
What happened to
the rest of the g*ng, ma'am?
Well, that's the funny thing.
They all disappeared during the night.
But I have all the lolly...
Oh, I beg your pardon. I'm so confused.
I have all the money back at the house.
You see, I took charge of it.
And they were so alarmed,
they simply disappeared.
They didn't have a spaceship, did they?
You're not suggesting
I imagined all this?
- No, no, ma'am.
- You must think my mind is wandering.
No, no, Mrs Wilberforce.
It's just that, er, well...
For various reasons,
we want you to oblige us
by forgetting all about the matter.
- And don't mention it to anyone.
- Oh!
Oh, I won't mention it, of course.
But you'll send someone for the money?
Oh, I think as far as
we're concerned, ma'am,
why don't you just keep the money?
Keep the money?
I can't believe...
Oh, I know it's only a farthing
on everybody's policies...
They said you wouldn't want
the money back,
that it would only confuse the issue.
That's right, Mrs Wilberforce.
Now, if you don't mind,
I've got some very pressing business
to attend to.
Oh, yes, of course. Good morning.
Mrs Wilberforce!
Wait!
Just a moment!
- You forgot it, ma'am.
- Oh.
No, I don't think I want it.
I never liked it.
Now I can buy a dozen new ones.
Oh, er... good morning, Sergeant.
Oh. They're very good, very good.
- Turned out nice, hasn't it?
- Yes, it has.
Oh, hey! Hey, look! Here! Lady! Look!
Ladykillers, The (1955)
Moderator: Maskath3