02x04 - Heavy Heads

[bunniefuu]

- [STACI] Previously on Heels

- [ACE] Hey!

- You okay?

- I sprained my ankle.

I left the DWL because

no one really likes me.

I'm gone because any other promotion

would've run me out of town.

We're not any other promotion.

I'm sorry I put the DWL first.

I'm sorry I kept your son from you.

- Can I stay here?

- Of course.

Uhh! Ahh!

Y'all got to watch this.

[ANCHOR] Shocking video has surfaced

of NFL linebacker Chris DeLeo

assaulting his wife.

This follows a disturbing trend

of athletes and domestic v*olence

We need a women's division.

We can't have Crystal

getting b*at on each week

by every man on our roster

and vice versa,

she can't run through everyone.

It's a nice little story.

We've pulled it off this far,

but it's not sustainable.

You help me restore my honor in the ring

with a cross-promotion

between the DWL and Dystopia

or I hit you back and

take everything you got.

[MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[SINGER] I'm not waiting for ♪

The answer ♪

♪

I will ♪

Walk in the shore ♪

To find you ♪

To find ♪

The peace that's your own ♪

Where you come from ♪

All that you want ♪

♪

One that's your own ♪

Place to call home ♪

Won't be ♪

Granted ♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

One ♪

To one ♪

What's love ♪

In w*r? ♪

♪

[KISSING AND MOANING]

[MELLOW ROCK MUSIC]

♪

[SINGER] When the sun arose ♪

This morning ♪

- [SINGER] God didn't smile ♪

- Hi.

- [SINGER] He didn't smile on me ♪

- Hey.

♪

[SINGER] I was all alone ♪

I had no one ♪

You have time for lunch?

If that's some kind of

metaphor, I'd love to say yes.

But I've got the county

people coming by Leckie,

and then I got a meeting with

Laurie about the Gully thing.

[CLEARS THROAT] Don't worry,

initial consultation's free.

I'm not worried.

You decide what you're gonna do?

Willie thinks if I turn down

Gully's offer,

I'll lose in court

or we'll get tied up so long,

we go bankrupt. Bill kind of agrees.

- They're probably not wrong.

- I know they're not wrong.

I just don't want them to be right.

What do you think?

[SIGHS] Jack,

there's a time if you'd lost the DWL,

I wouldn't have minded,

but it'd devastate you.

Also, we'd probably

have to sell the house

end up living with your mother.

[LAUGHS] No, that's not

that's not gonna happen.

I know.

Jack, I'm not trying

to be a Pollyanna here,

but have you considered maybe

just apologizing to Gully?

Man-to-man, saying, "Sorry

I let things get out of hand.

Can we resolve this another way?"

Well, he's given no indication

he's that kind of guy,

but yeah. I mean, man-to-man.

I should. That's elementary.

- Hmm.

- Obvious.

And yet, I need you to point it out.

Thank you.

- Hmm?

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

- [CHUCKLES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

- [SIGHS]

- I thought he was out back.

You didn't check?

I was a little focused on you.

It's so embarrassing.

Don't worry, I didn't overhear you two

not doing whatever

it was you were doing.

Thought you'd gone out.

[ACE] Where would I go? Piggly Wiggly?

Sit on the roof of the courthouse,

waving my arms for everybody to see?

I'm supposed to be a thousand

miles away from here.

Brand-new life.

Didn't even make it to Louisiana.

I know you're trying

to figure things out.

[ACE SIGHS]

[JACK] There is a place for you here.

The DWL was always supposed to be

the two of us working together.

Not according to Dad.

Well, I'm talking about us.

Wrestling'd just be getting on

the same treadmill

that put me here.

[JACK] Not if we really

did things together this time.

The two of us. Even Steven.

You'd still be you. I'd still be me.

My whole life, I had dad's plan,

then I had your plan.

I need my own plan that puts

wrestling behind me.

[JACK] Okay.

What can I do to help?

I just

I just need to stay here

a couple more days.

Okay.

Whoa. [GROANS]

- [LAUGHS]

- Damn.

- [GROANS]

- [LAUGHS] Holy sh*t!

[RICKY RABIES GROANS]

[DIEGO LAUGHS]

[RICKY RABIES GROANS]

She's muscular.

And fast.

[DIEGO] And skilled.

[RICKY RABIES GROANS]

[LAUGHS]

Hey, I give up. I give up. I give up.

- That's right.

- Oh.

[GROANS] You still got it, girl.

Really? It feels like you lost a step.

- Feels less impressive.

- [CHUCKLES]

Crystal, come on up. Meet Elle Dorado.

Mountain of pure gold.

- Real name's Tanya.

- Hi.

Jack told me you needed

somebody to wrestle this week,

so I made a phone call

and retained the services

of this incomparable lady.

Welcome. Glad you're here.

Let's get after it.

[BOTH GROANING AND PANTING]

My bad. I won't throw the elbow so hard.

My grip wasn't solid.

[RICKY RABIES] Try not

to snatch at Elle's wrist.

Let her come to you.

Maybe whip into a cross-body this time.

Okay. From the headlock?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

[GROANS]

All right, hey, no shame. No shame.

This y'all's first dance together.

Y'all want to try it without the whip?

If we can't land the spot now,

how are we gonna land it

15 minutes into the match

when we're both exhausted?

We could simplify.

Go with the clothesline.

You nail me. I take the bump.

No, we-we don't need to simplify.

Hey, Elle's only here to put you over.

I can do the spot.

Just same again.

[MUZAK PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[GULLY] Well look at that, he showed up.

I appreciate your willingness

to find a way forward

without suing me,

but a cross-promotional card

between the DWL and the FWD

is a bad idea.

I think it's a good idea.

[JACK] You have your brand of wresting,

and it's violent and it's transgressive

and it's a whole bunch of

things that the DWL is not.

Your guys are smashing each other

with fluoro-tubes and barbed wire.

My guys

they're focused on

storytelling and character.

Yeah, I'm not asking you

to cartwheel to the moon.

It's a onetime card.

Your people versus my people.

Okay? We do a whole buildup

about the grudge

between the two promotions.

I've already told you,

the most viewed video

on our Instagram page is

you punching me in the face.

So we have an obligation to

follow through on that setup.

Yeah, it's just not that simple.

[SIGHS]

What's going on here, Jack?

I-I-I feel that olive branch

tickling my taint.

[ROOSTER] Jack went to his lawyer

and Jack's lawyer said

he wouldn't win in court.

And now he trying

to wiggle out from under.

[SIGHS] I know

that I owe you an apology

for coming to your place

and punching you.

- So I am sorry.

- [GULLY] "I'm sorry.

I'm sorry".

People say those words like

vocalizing that particular

string of vowels and consonants

is all that matters.

- [CHUCKLES]

- [GULLY] "I'm sorry".

Wow, that changes everything.

You punched me

on camera at my own promotion

in front of a crowd

conditioned to shout,

"Gully is God", which means

that you punched God.

Which kind of violates the whole

narrative character construction of God.

May I shuttle in some

diplomacy in this bitch?

Jack, this is good business.

Now, I understand that

you got some momentum,

but FWD has a bigger fanbase,

bigger arena,

and bigger social media.

We giving you access to all of that.

[JACK] Yeah, that's if

there's a good story,

but if the rest of it sucks,

nobody wins.

Jack, it's wrestling. It's not Faulkner.

Oh, well, he wants it to be.

I don't care, okay, Jack?

You've already admitted

that I have you over a barrel.

Okay? Your punch means

that I can file my lawsuit

and take your promotion at any time.

I don't want to do that, okay?

If you'd just do this cross-promotion,

the slate is wiped clean.

Your debt is paid.

We can move on from each other.

There is only one goal here:

to turn your punch

from a sh**t into a work

so that my character is restored

to its rightful authority.

So that is what we are going to do.

Now, I will leave it

to you two professionals

to work out the details.

My daughter just won

an academic scholarship

to Notre Dame, so I promised

her we'd go get sushi.

There's a sentence

my parents never said.

Put dinner on my tab.

[ROOSTER CLEARS THROAT]

[JACK] I can't believe

you f*ckin' work with that guy.

Ah, men with big egos don't scare me.

I worked with you.

Look, if we're gonna do this, we need

We're doing this.

I don't know what the story is.

Sure you do. You practically wrote it

longhand while you was

bitching to Gully.

It's a brand w*r.

[ROOSTER] Your style

versus Gully's style.

He's your villain, you're his,

and the fans get to pick sides.

And you get to yell out

all the nasty sh*t you feel

about Dystopia out loud.

Yeah, but who wins?

To be determined.

Uh, probably a split decision.

Something that everyone

can go home happy.

It's not gonna pop.

Because we both gonna be

yelling into the void.

Our fans are only going to hear our side

and your people are

only gonna hear yours.

[ROOSTER] You're right.

That's why I'm coming in

as FWD's ambassador

the voice of the enemy inside DWL.

How'd I know you were

gonna give yourself

a starring role in all this?

I knew y'all wouldn't gonna give me one.

It's a every-man-for-hisself

type of world.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]

[DIEGO] Yo, I did one of those,

you know, online master classes

with one of them,

you know, action directors

from, you know,

the action movies and sh*t.

And he was saying if you really

wanna convey pain, you gotta

set it up with want and need.

And so, yeah,

I was thinking want and needs

got to go more into

the stories, you know?

Yeah, Diego, trying to follow

your train of thought

is like trying to f*ck a kangaroo

in the cone of a tornado.

[DIEGO] Huh.

Uh, did you call Man-Beast Magoo about

doing the podcast

while we're at the convention?

[SIGHS] Alvin? No.

But he doesn't commit

to anything till last minute.

It's gonna be so cool.

When I was a kid in Miami,

I saw him eat the stuffing

out of all four turnbuckles.

What you didn't see was him backstage

barfing those turnbuckles back up.

- No way.

- That sh*t's not gonna digest.

[DIEGO LAUGHS] I was looking at

the Super-Fan website [CLEARS THROAT]

It said the Texas Slinger was

gonna be at the convention too.

- Jimmy-John?

- [DIEGO] Uh-huh.

Yeah, if he's sober,

we'll get him for the podcast.

Man, I love that old promo

where he smashed you

with the guitar. [LAUGHS]

Man, I'll bet you guys had some times.

Yeah, and I remember 'em all. Sorta.

[DIEGO LAUGHS]

Wow!

I totally used to want one of these.

You could never find them.

[WILD BILL] Distribution problem.

They only pushed

certain parts of the line.

Hey, you're not gonna be

some gushing fanboy all day, are you?

- No. I

- Because this is work.

Mistake most wrestlers make

is they treat these conventions

as a ego stroke.

The status of my ego is irrelevant.

The goal for the day is

the cathartic validation of the fan.

The happier the fan,

the more money they spend,

of which I get a defined percentage.

Fifty percent of autographs,

100% of all personalized merchandise.

Ooh. Can I have one of these too?

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

I passed out on the floor

and you left me down here all night?

[TED] Yup.

[WILLIE] Good. Don't ever pick me up

if I'm on the floor.

I deserve it.

[GROANS, BREATHES HARD]

Oh, I think I might throw up.

You already did. All over the bathroom.

[WILLIE] Oh, God, I'll clean it.

Yes, you will.

I'll tell Robin you're sleeping in.

[EXHALES]

Hey, Staci, I hate to ask you,

but Willie's AWOL.

Could you could you handle

the beer delivery?

Yeah, I can do it.

I'd reschedule,

but I gotta sh**t an offsite,

or we'll be dry this week.

I'm happy to help.

I just have to get Thomas

to his appointment at the therapist.

[JACK] Hey, why don't you have Thomas

hang with Ace after school.

It'd be good for both of them.

Get Ace out the garage.

[STACI] Good idea. See you soon.

So my tooth hits this girl

right in the skull.

[BOBBY PIN] Got your speech?

I'm not making a speech.

Yeah, Jack's gonna let you

make a speech.

It's your picture on the wall.

He's forcing you to surrender the belt.

The national call to action

on domestic v*olence

is forcing me to surrender

the belt, not Jack.

[LAUGHTER]

[JACK] Hey, everybody, gather around.

Come on now.

For as long as there has been a DWL,

photos of our champions

have lined this wall

whether they held the belt

for a couple of years,

a few months, or just a few days.

Crystal Tyler,

you deserve to be up here.

Congratulations.

- [WRESTLER] Good work.

- Thank you.

Forgot my fancy dress. [CHUCKLES]

[JACK] Okay, now, uh,

I can spend a lot of time

explaining why, but, uh

I'm just gonna come

right out and say it.

The DWL and Florida Wrestling Dystopia

are going to be doing a cross-

promotional card next month.

Oh, criminy Dutch.

Oh, come on, Jack. Really?

I know. I get it.

Gully's a f*cking c**t.

Good God, Jim. What's gotten into you?

Can't go just droppin' hard Cs

with women present.

No, it-it's okay, Ricky.

I agree with Jim.

I don't know the guy,

but I'll take your word for it.

I know it's not the easiest fit.

Okay? But Dystopia,

they got a bigger fanbase,

they got more resources,

and we are going to

tap into all of that.

So from here on out

is all hands on deck.

Jim, Bobby, Ricky get in your gear.

Thirty minutes outside,

we're gonna sh**t an offsite.

Okay? We're gonna kick off

this storyline just right.

That-that's it. T-that's all.

[RICKY RABIES] To-Tobar, hey. Hey.

Hey, Jack, real quick.

You said all hands on deck.

This here Tobar.

He working on an Olivia Newton-John

"Let's Get Physical" type thing.

Might be something you're

interested in for the offsite.

Right. No. Okay.

Better luck next time, kid.

Let's go.

Dust off that Dracula, a'ight?

So you need me for the offsite?

I need you here. I want

you to work with Elle.

We're breaking out the new women's belt.

I want your match to pop.

It will. Elle's a pro.

So are you.

Things goes well,

we'll bring her back here,

we'll build her up

into a real rival for you.

You get the 5% off sexy discount inside.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, all right.

I thought they'd have bigger signs

and, like, those velvet ropes.

[WILD BILL] Well,

you get what you get at these things.

Still it should garner

solid foot traffic

along the edge between

pretzels and the restrooms.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Let's set up shop.

[NATHANIEL RATELIFF'S "S.O.B." PLAYING]

[SINGERS HUMMING]

[SINGER] I'm gonna need

someone to help me ♪

I'm gonna need somebody's hand ♪

I'm gonna need someone ♪

- [SINGER] To hold me down ♪

- Enjoy.

I'm gonna need someone to care ♪

- [SINGER] I'm gonna ride ♪

- Wow.

[SINGER] And shake my body ♪

I start pulling out my hair ♪

I'm gonna cover myself

with the ashes of you ♪

And nobody's gonna give a damn ♪

Give me this. Whoo.

[SINGER] Son of a bitch ♪

Give me a drink ♪

One more night ♪

This can't be me ♪

Son of a bitch ♪

[DIEGO LAUGHS]

[SINGER] If I can't get clean ♪

Who's next? Oh, my.

♪

Bottoms up.

[SINGER] Whoa, whoa ♪

Whoa ♪

- [LAUGHS]

- [SINGER] Whoa ♪

Hey, Dad, let's roll one.

[DAD] You got it.

I have never been a gentle man.

I never been a gentleman either.

I'm a bad guy,

but I'm your bad guy.

[HEROIC MUSIC]

I know what you know.

I know who's winning in this country

and who's taking a b*at down.

So when Charlie Gully and

his team of corporate lawyers

thr*aten me with a lawsuit

trying to destroy my family business,

I said, "Hell no".

See, we live in a world

where the haves think they can

take what they want and the rest of us,

well, we'll just be overjoyed

with the crumbs that fall off the table.

To that I say, "Hell no".

Hell no to frauds like Charlie Gully

and his Dystopia Wrestling.

This a man who calls himself God.

There's only one God.

So I'm here to challenge you

to settle this beef in the ring.

One night,

one card,

your best versus my best.

Because these men behind me,

they are an army

representing all of our fans.

An army of pissed off, fed up Americans

who've had enough of the

Charlie Gullys in this world

and have said, "Hell no".

And when we're done,

I'm gonna cr*ck a beer

and we're gonna light up some fireworks.

♪

[JACK] Fellas,

I thought we checked those.

[RICKY RABIES] That's fine. It's fine.

We'll just massage it in post.

[SLOW CLAP]

You ain't got nothing to worry about.

That sh*t was Biblical.

It was the truth.

Well, you be sure to write me

some equally Biblical truth

for me to spit in my promo Saturday.

I'll f*cking write you something.

[ROOSTER] Something good.

Don't be stingy with your talent.

The better I look, the better

you look for taking me on.

[ROOSTER] What's goin' on fellas?

I got to say, your speech on

circumcision really touched me.

Like you, I was m*nled in

the name of genital hygiene.

Glad I could make you feel not so alone.

I'd love to get a pic side by side,

both our junk hanging free.

Might trigger a few folks,

and I'd hate for you to feel less than,

seeing yours next to mine.

Oh, no, my wang's huge.

Meet me in the men's room.

I'll show you.

- No?

- [DIEGO CLEARS THROAT] Yep.

My balls are pretty big too.

Oh, my God.

Oh, hey, it's Man-Beast and Slinger.

Grab your camera.

This'll be a good video clip.

Yeah.

Holy sh*t.

What the hell are you two wearing?

Good to see you, too, Sport-o.

No, I'm serious. You look like

you lost all your clothes

in a house fire

and picked those ones out

of a dumpster behind Kmart.

Not all of us has

got the guts to go around

muffin topping out of

stinky old leathers.

I'll have you know these pants

fit just as good

as the day you dislocated my shoulder.

Your waist does look

about the same, but

your inseam seems

to have shrunk a few inches.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey. [LAUGHTER]

No, uh, seriously.

Alvin, you're the Man-Beast.

Where's your gear?

No one wants to see me in my gear.

I only come to these things

to help out Jimmy-John.

What's wrong with him?

Left it all in the ring.

As a man should.

I bring him here, he makes some cash,

it helps him cover his bills

when he remembers he's got bills.

I wish I could forget a few of my bills.

Is that your way of saying

you ain't picking up

the check at dinner?

Oh, like you never

stuck me with a check.

Toledo, Tacoma, Tucson, Tulsa

[SHOUTING] and that's just the Ts.

Oh! [LAUGHTER]

[MAN] What are you looking at?

Hey, I got to say.

I been a huge fan for a long time.

I work with Bill at the DWL.

I'm a wrestler.

Anyone here recognize you?

No, I wrestle in a mask, you know?

Well, lucky you.

Harder to make money, but less hassle.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, you-you want a T-shirt or a button?

I mean, I'm-I'm sure Bill'd

let you have whatever you want.

I like pepperoni.

Got to get Jimmy-John to his table.

Dinner, 8:00. We'll have a drink before.

[WILD BILL] We'll have five before,

three during, and two after.

And I'm gonna record you for my podcast.

Whatever you need, Sport-o.

Don't call me Sport-o.

I hate f*cking Sport-o.

Okay, Sport-o.

[CHUCKLES]

You get enough for us to post a clip?

Mm-hmm.

Just make sure you cut out

all that Sport-o crap.

- I hate that sh*t.

- [CHUCKLES]

I can't seem to find where it

lists the total number of kegs.

Oh, um, first column

at the bottom. Total.

- Right.

- [DELIVERY GUY CHUCKLES]

Willie around?

Not at the moment. Can I help you?

Not if you can't find Willie.

You sure she's not around?

[STACI] I'm so sorry, she's not.

She leave anything for me?

If you tell me your name,

I could check her office.

Would it be, like, an envelope or?

You Jack's wife?

I am. Have we met? I'm Staci.

Nice to meet you, Staci.

I guess, Willie must've

confused the dates.

Never you mind.

You have a nice day now.

- Thanks. You too.

- Mm-hmm.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS]

[ENGINE TURNS]

[ACE] Let's make this quick, little man.

In and out, and get us back

to the garage and the Xbox.

[THOMAS] Okay.

What flavor we getting? Red or blue?

If I get blue, Mom will see my lips

and know we got slushies.

Well, if you're worried,

we don't got to get them.

No, I'll just get red.

You know, red's not invisible.

Hey, careful with that.

Sorry.

It's okay. It's just

old.

Hey, don't spill it.

Hey, grow up.

If you wanna go talk to her,

I can wait in the car while you pay.

You don't got to wait in the car.

- I'll wait in the car.

- [CHUCKLES]

Hey.

Ace, hey.

Uh, I didn't know you were back.

When-when did you get back?

Uh, just a couple days.

Oh.

Jack didn't say anything.

So, uh, where'd you go?

Took the long way around to nowhere.

Fell off a cliff.

[CRYSTAL CHUCKLES]

I saw the video of, uh,

you and Jack's match.

k*ller.

Yeah. Now I just gotta figure

out how to do it every week

against women who are

bigger and stronger and

more experienced, so

Experience is overrated.

I just got a whole bunch of it,

and it didn't leave me any better off.

No, Jack will take care of you.

He knows what he's got.

I don't know, this

this vet he had Ricky bring in,

she's only here for the week, but

she's, uh, she's good.

You're good.

I have my strengths.

We'll see if they're enough.

Come on. I'll ring you up.

You should call Big Jim and the guys.

I'm sure they'd all love to see you.

I don't really want

anyone knowing I'm back.

Uh, do me a favor. Don't say anything.

Yeah, if that's what you want.

Jack said, uh, you and Bobby

Yeah. We are.

Good.

He's a good dude.

You deserve a good dude.

Uh

Keep the change.

[ACE] Thomas.

[TRUCK HORN HONKS]

Thomas.

Thomas!

What's wrong, buddy?

[THOMAS] I'm sorry.

I dropped it, and

a car dragged it out there.

[TRUCK HORN HONKS]

[THOMAS] I'm sorry, uncle Ace.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

It's all right, buddy.

[SIGHS]

It's just a prop.

It's Granddad's crown.

No one will even miss it.

Please don't tell Dad.

Your dad won't care. He never liked it.

I used to think it looked important,

but your dad, he was smart.

He knew it was just [SIGHS]

Fabric and plastic.

Come on. Let's go home bud.

[THOMAS] Did Granddad

ever wrestle with you?

[ACE] No.

[THOMAS] Did he wrestle with my dad?

[ACE] They'd wrestle,

but Granddad didn't like

putting people over.

He liked being the winner.

Uh, when you put someone over,

it means you get pinned.

The funny thing is

when you do put someone over

and you're laying there

on your back looking up,

half the cheers are really for you.

So it's not so bad.

When are you gonna

get back to wrestling?

When you gonna start wrestling?

[THOMAS] I don't think Dad

wants me to wrestle.

He says I'm too small.

For now, but wrestling ain't about size.

You and I could wrestle.

I'm serious.

Come on. Get up.

[GRUNTS]

All right, grab my hands.

Ooh, that's right.

[GROANS] Damn, you're strong!

Ah ahh! All right, now, sling me.

Ohh! Ah

Kid's got moves. You got moves, huh?

All right.

- Hey!

- Where you going, huh?

Where you going?

That's right, circle up.

Circle up now. Oh, all right. Lock up.

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪

[INAUDIBLE SPEECH]

♪

[INAUDIBLE CHEERS]

♪

[GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

[MAN-BEAST] With the kids

out of the house,

Cindy finished her degree,

and I took over running the Froyo shops,

which isn't hard if

you hire the right managers.

So it's mostly me and the dogs

and a stack of books

on medieval history.

Is this what you want, Bill?

I was hoping for something

a little more colorful,

- but we can edit it.

- Yeah.

What about the old guard?

Jeff, Jake, Sammy.

Y'all still get rowdy?

Not really.

Jeff's up in Minnesota.

Bad hips, bad knees.

Saw Jake and Sammy at Duke's funeral.

Duke was a wild man.

That show y'all put on

at the Pond was a all-timer.

[MAN-BEAST] Glad it was memorable.

I was concussed, so the whole

match is kind of a blank.

Didn't stop you from drinking 13 beers

- in the locker room.

- [LAUGHTER]

- Again, concussed.

- [CHUCKLES]

We kept track with a Sharpie

on our necks.

I won with 17.

When you're young,

you can do these things.

It was an amazing match.

I have it on VHS.

I'm happy to loan it to you.

I'll take your word for it.

What about Sammy and Jake?

You remember the night

the four of us hit

the dance club outside Raleigh?

Sammy and Jake get into a fistfight

over these identical twins and you say,

"Why are you fighting when you

can't even tell them apart?"

[LAUGHTER]

I think that was your line, Bill.

- Well, it was a good line.

- [DIEGO LAUGHS]

[MAN-BEAST]

Sammy and I, we trade emails.

He's been sober a couple of years.

Jake's kinda down and out.

Fused the vertebrae in his neck

and never got off the pills.

And what about you?

You keep in touch with Oppy or Mike

or anyone from the show up north?

Nah. When I had my troubles,

they all turned their back,

so f*ck 'em.

[MAN-BEAST] They're good guys at heart.

It's the nature of the business.

The business to them.

My life, to me.

And that is why you made it to the top.

Now, I loved wrestling,

but when the pain got too much,

I made sure there was

something else in my life.

But you, you-you took whatever

part of you existed

outside of your gimmick

and you carved it out with a spoon.

Because I had balls.

Hundred percent,

and the proof's that you're still at it.

Me, I was happy taking

Man-Beast off and on like a cape.

You want me to stop recording?

No, it's fine.

We'll pick it up from here.

Counting in three, two, one.

So, Alvin, what you're telling me is

when your knees started to hurt,

you turned into a giant p*ssy

who likes dogs and Froyo,

or do I have that incorrect somehow?

Is this a bit, Sport-o?

Honest question.

'Cause if you want to do a bit

I want an answer.

I'm a happy man, Sport-o.

Most of our generation

are crippled, broken, or dead.

One way or another,

we were all addicted.

The crowd, the adrenaline,

standing in the center of that ring.

So when I see you still clawing away

on that same, damn hill, I understand.

And I cheer for you,

but I don't wish I was you.

I'm gonna hit the salad bar.

Anybody want anything?

Croutons.

[WILD BILL] Turn the recorder off.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Get me another two of these.

- Waiter should be coming by.

I don't want to wait for the waiter.

Just go to the bar and get me

two g*dd*mn martinis.

Sure. Whatever the f*ck you say.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You gonna drink your martini?

Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You got a time table on that?

When I'm thirsty.

[WILD BILL EXHALES]

Whoo.

So there is some fight left in you.

And I ain't just

clawin' away.

I got plans

to make it all the way back to big show.

If you say.

I do. I say.

What the f*ck?

[CHUCKLES]

Lookee here. My drink just arrived.

What you gonna do about that?

I always like seeing you, Bill.

[CLEARS THROAT]

A flamin' disgrace. The both of them.

At least Jimmy-John can blame it

on his smashed eggplant brain,

but Alvin?

He just got off the damn horse.

It's easy to get off the horse.

Anyone can get off the horse.

I ain't getting off the damn horse.

So should I get these in a go cup or

Everything in life

is a choice.

Flossing your teeth is a choice.

And if my only choice is to turn into

or

I still ain't getting off

the damn horse! [POUNDS TABLE]

[WHISPERING] sh*t.

Ready to go?

Mm. Let me finish my cheap calories

and find some ibuprofen.

You okay if I borrow,

like, a half dozen?

Yeah, take a couple for now,

a couple for later.

They're all for now.

Does a number on my stomach,

but keeps me in the ring

and out of surgery.

Is your knee that bad?

Knee, shoulder, back.

Road dogging town to town doesn't help.

Have you tried CBD?

I've tried everything short of heroin.

[SCOFFS]

Acupuncture works best,

but who can afford it?

I get that.

[ELLE] I had health insurance once.

I managed to hang onto that

for, like, two whole years.

Had an apartment, a ficus.

And like most places,

they only carry two or three women,

so they run out of stories

and combinations pretty quick,

then it's off down the road.

[CRYSTAL] Well, let's run it

forwards and backwards until it pops.

Well, it's a promo.

It's a heel promo.

You're playing the heel.

I mean, I cou-I could dress this up,

but you're not exactly playing fair.

You standing on your t*nk,

fighting for the soul of America.

This? This-this might as well

be "See Spot Run".

I don't want to write for you at all.

I'm only doing it 'cause I have to.

Oh, poor Jack.

The only one in life forced to do sh*t

that he don't want to do.

Gully put a g*n to my head.

Do you expect me to like it?

You think I wanted to leave DWL?

You leaving was your choice.

You didn't have to leave.

Didn't I?

It was a smart move. Got me a belt.

I got champ on all of my merch.

What? You think I didn't

have to pay a price.

You know what?

You're Yertle, Jack.

- The turtle?

- [ROOSTER] King Turtle.

Sitting on a throne held up by

a stack of other turtles,

but instead of realizing that

he's standing on the back

of 157 people,

he's pissed 'cause there's still birds

and sh*t still higher up.

The promo's the promo.

You polish it up if you want to.

[ROOSTER] It's your ring, Jack.

[ANCHOR] As this footage goes

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

we haven't seen it.

A few seconds later

[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[ACE] I got this idea.

It may be stupid and childish,

but childish is my specialty.

I could use some help.

[SOFT MUSIC]

[WATER RUNNING]

♪

[BOBBY PIN] Hey.

Did I miss something?

Ace was here.

Oh, I didn't know he was back.

[CRYSTAL] He doesn't want

anyone to know.

Is it like a-a big deal?

For him

but not for us.

[COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC]

♪

[SINGER] The old white lightning ♪

Can't set me off ♪

Heard what you said.

Wrote you some new stuff.

It's a lot.

[SINGER] Yeah, cut me off ♪

Get on your horse, boys ♪

Said adios ♪

To the hey, hey, hey ♪

Hey.

How was the convention?

Great. Diego got to meet his heroes,

got stuff for the podcast,

satisfied the fans,

then went out and satisfied our thirst.

Must've been nice to see

some of your old crew, hmm?

Yeah, you know?

Hey. Uh,

I was thinking maybe

it wouldn't be the worst thing

to get myself an apartment.

The motel is depressing.

Maybe you can point me

in the right direction.

Yeah, let me think on it.

It won't be long-term.

I been coming to matches

for over two decades

here at the Duffy Dome.

I've seen a lot of great matches,

but few with the combination

of inspiration

and ingenuity as Crystal's defeating

Jack Spade and Wild Bill Hancock.

[CHEERING]

[EDDIE EARL] For that reason,

a new era has been initiated

here at the DWL.

Where women and men, boys and girls,

will spend awe-filled evenings enjoying

our new women's division.

[CHEERING]

[INAUDIBLE SPEECH]

All hail our inaugural woman's champion,

Crystal Tyler.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[UPLIFTING MUSIC]

♪

Whoo.

♪

- [BELL DINGS]

- All right, here we go.

And we're off here

at the inaugural match

of the DWL women's league

with special guest commentator

Wild Bill Hancock

at the table with us tonight.

Like a Florida State defensive

back there.

[CROWD GROANING]

[WILD BILL] Elle Dorado

teaching Crystal Tyler

what it's like to be a real pro.

[BOBBIE PIN] Oh oh, that's

that's another region there.

That's not right.

- [WILD BILL] Watch out. Oh!

- [EDDIE] There you go.

[WILD BILL] That's exactly

the kind of dirty stuff

I'd expect from her.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BOBBY PIN] That's not dirty, Bill.

That's just good old

fashioned wrestling.

[EDDIE] She does know

how to work the legs.

I've never seen a wrestler

use their legs this much.

[WILD BILL] Oh ooh hoo hoo!

Old Denny there with the slow count.

[EDDIE] She's got her by the ears.

Right into the turnbuckle.

[CROWD GROANING]

She got a face full of foot there.

Here she comes.

- Oh!

- [CROWD GROANING]

[WILD BILL] Welcome to Elle

Dorado's elbow, Crystal Tyler.

[BOBBY PIN] That's gotta hurt.

She's in trouble now.

[EDDIE] Got a little bit of

taunting going on here.

[WILD BILL] Welcome to

planet Earth, Crystal Tyler.

[BOBBY PIN] Don't count her out yet.

[WILD BILL] Come on, Elle.

- Suplex.

- [EDDIE] Oh, no.

[WILD BILL] Come on, Elle.

[GROANS] Tyler reversed it.

[EDDIE] That's gonna be

lifetime of back pain.

She's got her by the ears again.

I like that.

- Claw her.

- Rip her face off.

[FAN] Come on, Crystal.

[EDDIE] Oh, right down

on the back of her head.

[WILD BILL] Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

[EDDIE] That's got to hurt.

[GROANS]

[BOBBY PIN]

She goes for one, two, three.

- [BELL DINGS]

- There we are.

Crystal Tyler, ladies and

gentlemen. I don't believe it.

[EDDIE] Well, of course she won, Bill.

She b*at the hell out of you.

[WILD BILL] I protested

that result Eddie.

[CROWD CHANTING] Crystal! Crystal!

[EDDIE] Crystal Tyler.

- Still undefeated.

- [CHANTING CONTINUES]

There's a spill right in front

of the merch table.

Can you please clean it up? Thank you.

[DISTANT CHEERING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Night's going well.

Seems like.

♪

[INAUDIBLE SPEECH]

♪

All right, now.

It's time for tonight's

tag team main event,

sponsored by Eddie Earl's Title Pawn.

When you're needy, we're not greedy.

[ROOSTER'S THEME PLAYS]

[ROOSTER] Oh yeah!

[ROOSTER CROWS]

♪

[EDDIE] Rooster Robbins? The defector!

[ROOSTER] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You all know the routine.

I'm the SOB that left town,

and you're the yokels here to boo me.

[CROWD BOOING]

But what did I do?

Other than realize if I wanted

to make something out of myself,

that I had to do something

that none of you had the courage to do.

And that's leave this pissant

one stoplight town.

[CROWD BOOING]

See, I knew as long

as Jack Spade was in charge,

all the stories would be

about Jack Spade.

Mr. Small Town, family values,

champion of the little guy

with his holier-than-thou

stuck in the past

fairy tale wrestling bullshit.

[CROWD BOOING]

See, the only thing that Jack Spade

has ever been champion of is himself.

He's a con man selling you

that cowboy myth.

Lone Ranger riding through the plains

that sh*t is antique!

Horses are slow, but the future?

Oh, it's big, it's loud, and it's fast.

So go ahead,

boo me.

[CROWD BOOING]

Yeah, I'm gonna make my future.

I'm gonna get out there

and grab all that I can.

Now, that's the real America.

So listen up, Jack.

FWD accepts your challenge.

A full grudge match card.

You and your people versus the future.

Yeah, that's right.

Florida Dystopia is coming

and we don't knock,

we don't take no prisoners,

we kick ass, and we march on.

Rooster. [MICROPHONE SCREECHES]

[CROWD BOOING]

Word for word.

[BELL DINGS]

[BOBBY PIN] Tell you, these people,

they do love this tag team match.

[EDDIE] A lot of happy customers.

[BOBBY PIN GROANS]

[EDDIE] He is handing out

some business cards.

Right there, two of them in a row.

Hope that mask is padded, quite frankly.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, we get

a reverse from Diego.

[EDDIE] Do-si-do.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, that's

a lot of man coming at you,

but Wild Bill knows

just how to handle it.

Nothing new to him.

[EDDIE] He must've seen

that elbow coming.

[BOBBY PIN] And coming down

Oh, it's an elbow again.

[EDDIE] With a vengeance to his head.

[BOBBY PIN] That'll put

you down, let me tell you.

[EDDIE] Staying alive.

[BOBBY PIN] And the crowd

loves it. He struts.

[EDDIE] Haven't seen some

of that dance since about 1978.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, throat slash.

And oh, he goes for Ricky Rabies

for no reason out in the corner. Come on.

And he tags in Big Jim.

And Big Jim hops the rope.

He's setting up something here,

into the turnbuckle,

he's coming out, he's picked

him up like a new groom.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, he's gonna come down

- and Big Jim comes down

- [ALL GROANING]

[BOBBY PIN] You don't want

to be underneath that. One, two

[EDDIE] Oh, Ricky Rabies

He's foaming at the mouth.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, he bites his ear off.

- [BELL DINGS]

- [ANNOUNCERS INDISTINCT]

[BOBBY PIN] He goes completely rabid.

- Look, he's he's completely

- He's out of his mind.

[BOBBY PIN] He's chased

everyone out of the ring.

Bill is there trying to calm him down.

[BOBBY PIN] Oh, and he turns

on his own partner.

Bill has to run out of the ring.

He's out of his gourd ladies

and gentlemen

- You all right, Bill?

- What's going on with him?

With all come on now. Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, my goodness. None of this is okay.

He's got to he better wait, wait.

[BOBBY PIN] Wait, now we got Rooster!

[EDDIE] Where are

these guys coming from?

This is an invasion from Florida.

He just put this rabid man

[BOBBY PIN] Completely come

Oh! With a double kick and he's down.

Traitor.

[BOBBY PIN] That's how you put down

- the rabid man right there.

- [CROWD BOOING]

[EDDIE] Whoa, he is down.

Ladies and gentlemen

- No. Hey, hey, hey. No.

- Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

- You guys

- They're taking the DWL belt.

[EDDIE] A couple of posers, I tell you.

- Traitor.

- [BOBBY PIN] We need to get

security in here on Rooster right away.

[EDDIE] Call security down here.

[BOBBY PIN]

Just coming up here and posing.

Yeah! Yeah!

[CROWD BOOING]

[BOBBY PIN]

And the lights have gone out.

It doesn't seem to be

Rooster or The Hole.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪

[EDDIE] What the hell is going on?

Who is this mystery guest?

Is this Jack Spade in a hoodie?

♪

[SHRILL MIC FEEDBACK]

♪

[DISTORTED VOICE] I come to you,

a damned soul in search of redemption.

I will break free.

I will not stop until

my redemption is obtained.

I am,

the Condamned.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪