02x05 - Who the Hell is the Condamned?

[bunniefuu]

[STACI] Previously, on Heels

Willie around?

Not at the moment. Can I help you?

[SONYA] She leave anything for me?

You're not gonna be some gushing fanboy

all day, are you?

Just go to the bar and get me

two g*dd*mn martinis.

Whatever the f*ck you say.

[RICKY] Crystal. Meet Elle Dorado.

Real name's Tanya.

Elle's a pro.

[ALL] Oh!

So are you.

[CROWD] Crystal! Crystal!

[THOMAS] It's granddad's crown.

It's all right, buddy.

Your dad won't care.

I got this idea.

Could use some help.

You help me restore

my honour in the ring

with a cross-promotion

between the DWL and Dystopia,

or I hit you back and take

every g*dd*mn dollar you make

for the rest of your g*dd*mn life.

Yeah! Yeah!

[CROWD] Oh!

[ACE] I am the Condamned.

[CROWD] Whoo!

[MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[SINGER] I'm not waiting for ♪

The answer ♪

♪

I will ♪

Walk in the shore ♪

To find you ♪

To find ♪

The peace that's your own ♪

Where you come from ♪

All that you want ♪

♪

One that's your own ♪

Place to call home ♪

Won't be ♪

Granted ♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

One ♪

To one ♪

What's love ♪

In w*r? ♪

♪

[QUIET DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[CROWD CHANTING "GODDAMNED"]

Listen up, folks!

It's "con-damned".

Do not conjure incorrectly.

You risk offending

that bewildering barnstormer.

His voice may have been garbled,

but that spectre can't possibly share

a name with the most high,

for the most high

has cast that demon below.

Say it with me.

Con!

[CROWD] Con!

- Damned!

- [CROWD] Damned!

All together!

[ALL] Condamned!

Condamned! Condamned!

Condamned! Condamned! Condamned!

For those of you wondering,

"What was that?"

that was the Condamned.

Come back next week

as we peel back the mystery

of he who fell from the skylight.

This is Eddie Earl with Bobby Pin,

signing off from Duffy, Georgia,

the cradle of the greatest

wrestling in America,

the DWL.

What the heck was that?

Uh, that was the Condamned.

Well, they-they could have told us that.

A heads-up would have been nice.

[CROWD] Condamned! Condamned! Condamned!

Jack or Ace tell you

that was the f*cking finish?

No. They kayfabed all of us.

Tryin' to keep us on our toes.

I almost had a heart att*ck.

I know CPR, if it ever happens.

- It's gonna happen!

- [BIG JIM] Listen, guys.

Ace is my daughter's godfather,

and I didn't even know he was in town.

[DIEGO] Willie, if y'all knew

anything about that,

it's bullshit you kept it a secret.

Rule #1 of kayfabe is

don't kayfabe the boys!

Secrets are only secrets

if you don't tell anyone.

Willie, a company of compadres are only

true compadres when we know what

we are all compadre-ing about.

A mysterious seraph

riding in on a chariot?

'Twas glorious. Admit it.

I don't gotta admit sh*t.

- Bill

- Bobby.

Don't know the word "seraph".

Seraph's a high-ranking

angel, young Bob.

He's an angel, but he's damned?

Condamned.

So he's a fallen angel, like Satan.

Satan?

Nobody told me Ace was playing Satan.

No. Ace isn't playing Satan.

So then what is he?

He's whatever Jack and Ace say he is,

and when they tell us,

that's when we'll know.

Well, as a reporter,

I'm supposed to ask questions.

During the show. The show's over, dummy.

Good sh*t tonight.

We gotta cover this entire night

for the podcast.

Yeah? Write up some notes.

Text me.

Where's my brother?

That was a top-five

DWL moment right there!

Do you feel good?

You should feel good.

- Think it got over?

- Course it got over.

Big time.

Crowd was gasping and shouting.

Ace Spade is back.

Yeah, well, it's not

like it's me, Ace Spade.

It's supposed to be this thing

where i-it's not me,

so it doesn't have

to be me, but yeah.

It felt good.

It should've.

It was good.

Well, it's a first step anyway.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Oh, sh*t.

- What?

- Hey.

Told you we should have told Gully.

Wasn't his business.

[WILLIE] I don't think that's gonna fly.

Bill?

Coming, dear.

[BIG JIM] That was a damn entrance.

Wasn't sure I could pull it off.

Butterflies.

Emotions, you know.

Hey, it's good to have you back, man.

I just wanna say,

if you need to talk to anyone

about anything, I'm-I'm here for ya.

Even even if I am

a married man with a baby,

that don't make me, uh I don't know,

not your friend.

You know, part of the reason

I un-retired and came back

was to do this with you,

so just saying reach out.

You're a good friend, Jim.

I haven't been one to you lately.

Oh, cut the sh*t.

I'm not trying to have

a long conversation.

Not here, anyway.

Just, uh, stop by and

visit your goddaughter.

I'm gonna.

I promise.

Oh, and be ready to stay the night,

'cause we're goin' out,

and you're babysitting.

[LAUGHS]

Pick your poison.

I'd take one of each,

but, uh, I gotta head out.

One beer.

[ELLE] Can't. Road life.

Get in, get out, move on.

Break a few hearts

along the way, if I'm lucky.

Tanya, you were so great tonight.

I-I'll push Jack to bring you back.

[ELLE] Focus on them pushing you.

Only way to improve is by improving.

Take care of your knees.

Best advice I never got.

Oh, and check for peepholes.

Really?

Huh.

Thanks for being so cool.

[TENDER MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

Condamned, what are you?

I'm vengeance.

Isn't that what Batman says?

I taught it to Batman.

Taught him everything he knows.

[FAN] Get it!

Could you sign this for me?

Thank you.

I appreciate it, man.

♪

[FANS CHEERING AND CHATTING]

♪

Gully's pissed.

Gully's always pissed.

What the f*ck was all that?

[WILD BILL]

That was a lights-out finish.

[WILLIE] Literally.

That was not the finish we booked.

Ace came to me last minute.

You had time to rig a zipline!

That's easy to do if you're handy.

I informed Rooster and The Hole

that this might happen before the match.

I'll take that up with them later,

but it's not about informing.

It's about you and I

booking this cross-promotion

and agreeing on how we're gonna do it,

which I thought we had done,

so I was stowed away up here,

like a gerbil in a pet shop,

sh1tting on myself, watching, waiting,

assuming things were gonna go

according to the plan

that you and I agreed to, but no.

Needle scratch. No.

Y'all change sh*t up

with some f*cking ghoul

in a "Quadrophenia" coat.

f*cking Adam Ant meets the Hamburglar,

who apparently stole

Burger King's crown.

Hey, bud, I got a phone.

You could have called, texted.

You could have walked up

one flight of f*cking stairs

and whispered your big,

new, dumb idea in my ear.

Nope! Surprise, Charlie.

f*cking Ace hijacks the entire night!

- Not Ace. The Condemned.

- "Condamned".

[WILD BILL] Nothing got h*jacked.

It was the cherry on top

of a DWL storyline.

It's got nothing to do with you.

Hey, Billy Boy, in this cross-promotion,

there is no storyline that's

got nothing to do with me.

Nobody told me that

I was gonna have to run

every little detail by ya!

Detail? It was the finish!

Jack wrote Rooster an amazing promo.

Yeah, before the Condemned

dive-bombed him

and launched some bullshit!

It's "Condamned", Charlie boy.

It's "f*ck you", Bill!

Shall we start the foreplay

with me sitting on your face again?

Only if you'd like your nuts

chewed off this time.

I'll hold him down while you do it.

Be my guest and try.

I'm so glad we're working together.

Dystopia was supposed to end the night

up with the ring invasion.

Instead, we end the night down,

in front of 1,000 people.

1,122.

New Dome record, much of this

due to Crystal's new popularity.

Charlie, f*ck-yous

and scrotum chewing aside,

Jack delivered.

Speaking as a hall-of-famer,

looked to me like the cross-promotion

was kicked off perfectly.

Well, speaking

as one pissed-off m*therf*cker,

it looked like my top guys

got b*at up by a guy

named after a non-word.

Jack, two pieces of advice.

One, get a new sound system

that doesn't sound

like you bought it at Radio Shack.

Two, get a spelling book,

'cause the word is "condemned!"

Maybe I didn't consider this

with the level of granularity

that you were expecting,

but I am not used

to having to run everything

by a partner!

Get used to it!

Or the lawsuit is back on.

Geezum Crow.

You wanna play f*ck-f*ck?

Spin the wheel!

I, too, should have been more granular,

so let's get granular now.

Ace's Blair Witch Project

is gonna get his ass kicked

in my ring next week.

End of discussion!

It's a slow-burn character, Charlie.

He's not gonna wanna do it!

Well, that's your problem to fix.

Talk to your brother,

and you better book the Condamned

in the f*cking card next week

and pray that I don't

zipline down and f*ck him up

in whatever whimsical way

I feel like f*cking improvising

at my fancy.

I'm tryin' to f*cking work

with you guys, man.

I'm trying to f*cking work together.

I'm trying to be a f*cking partner.

You're not making it f*cking easy.

f*ck you!

Thanks.

Now I gotta ride home with him.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

Intrigued about how to play f*ck-f*ck.

Apparently there's a wheel.

Hamburglar was a deep cut.

And Adam Ant.

Must have watched a lot of MTV.

I put us in a real bad spot here.

I begged Ace to come back and told him

we'd do the DWL together.

Now we're making sh*t up on the fly

to appease Ace's psyche.

I'm trying not to be my dad.

I'm trying to take input from you,

and from you, and from Ace.

Any of your notebooks have something

for a situation like this?

A situation in which

a brand-new masked character,

one who just revealed his true identity

by holding aloft the charred crown

of his dead father?

Are you asking is there a page

in one of my notebooks

that might provide us

with some direction

as to how we will continue

this new storyline

while in the midst of a looming lawsuit

that threatens to crush the DWL?

I can say with confidence that

nowhere in the many notebooks

that I have pondered

countless, wide-ranging topics

is there insight as to how to make

this particular situation work.

But sounds like we must try quickly.

[BOBBY] You were amazing tonight.

- [CRYSTAL LAUGHS]

- [BOBBY] But then,

you're always amazing. [LAUGHS]

[CRYSTAL] You had a good night too.

[BOBBY] Oh, limpin' around

playin' reporter.

Gorilla Monsoon made

a career out of that.

Hmm.

Ace's new gimmick

hit it out of the park.

Oh, oh, surprised the pants off me,

even though I could tell it was Ace.

Well, it's not like you're

not supposed to know.

He pulled out his dad's crown.

How much, uh, did you, you know, help?

I just did his hair and his makeup.

The other stuff he's still figuring out.

He really wants to, you know,

create his own thing.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh, I'll be right back.

[BOBBY] Yeah.

[CRYSTAL] Hey, uh, Willie,

when is Jack having tryouts

for the women's division?

Your guess is as good as mine.

You got candidates, send me names.

[CRYSTAL] Well, I got no one

to wrestle next week.

[WILLIE] Well, that's all right.

Take a week off. Cut a promo.

What? Why? A-against who?

Oh, boy.

This tone again, really? Wah-wah.

Me-me.

The complaints and entitlement.

Look, right now, Jack's

got Gully up his ass

Okay. W-we can do it.

Jack's not gonna care.

You and I can hold the tryouts.

I'll go online, and I'll find some girls

up in South Carolina or something.

I can't lose momentum.

You won't lose momentum.

Make your own momentum.

And make sure you're using a condom.

That one's, you know, a little bit dim.

Dumb.

D-don't say that.

Bobby is a good guy

who thinks before he speaks,

who considers feelings,

who knows that whatever he says

can either lift someone up

or put them down,

so I-I'm not gonna stand

for you putting him down to me.

Okay. Lighten up.

How about you don't tell me

that you being mean

is something I need to lighten up about?

How about that?

[QUIET DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

Your eyes are squinty.

Is it bad news?

Mm. No news.

No plans.

Just a week off.

Hmm.

You wanna do a push-up contest?

♪

[CRYSTAL SIGHS]

Time to head home, Jack Spade.

Crazy night.

I need help.

With putting the money in the safe?

What to do next.

How to do it.

Can you help me?

I have no expertise in wrestling.

I don't even I don't know.

What's the opposite of expertise?

Beginner-pertise?

I like having you here working with me.

Have you liked it?

It's our family business.

Mm-hmm.

With the cross-promotion,

things are probably

gonna get a little crazy here.

Willie's underwater already.

She's, uh she's goggle-eyed.

I worry that things might be, you know,

falling through the cracks.

A woman from the County

came by the other day,

looking to get something from Willie,

but Willie wasn't here.

The woman seemed angry.

She was here again tonight.

I saw Willie give her

whatever she was looking for,

so I hope it all worked out.

That'd be Sonya Tuckerman.

She does the county tax assessment,

so it's that time of year again

when she's gonna cost us,

but she's fine.

She j-just doesn't realise

how she comes across,

which is dour and grumpy.

Let me wash up.

We'll get home.

♪

[GULLY] Rise and shine, sleepyhead!

I been calling you.

Texting you. Seven times.

[ROOSTER] I had to bail last night

and take care of my pops.

[GULLY] He all right?

Yeah. That sums it up.

He just a'ight.

Let me know if I can help.

May I shift subjects and

express my displeasure

about last night's show

while acknowledging

that this may lack perspective

about your father's current health?

You knew about the Condamned beforehand?

[ROOSTER] Only moments beforehand.

[GULLY] Yet you didn't call me?

Because my phone was in my damn locker!

- I'm just asking!

- When I'm 'bout to go up,

I'm working on what I gotta do.

I ain't got my phone out,

looking at TikTok,

texting, and calling people.

It was locked up

in my locker so I could focus.

Now, Jack wrote me a great promo.

Look, I'm playing ball. He playing ball.

He juggling you and Ace.

It's complicated!

Well, it's gonna get

a lot more complicated

if the Condamned isn't in my ring

Saturday night, getting his ass kicked!

Look, those Spade boys don't know

what that Condamned thing is,

and they damn sure

ain't gonna figure it out by Saturday.

Look, the only reason I agreed to this

because I believe it's good story.

Thus, eventually money

in my pocket and yours.

Now, come on, Charlie.

Remove your emotions.

Think creatively.

Now, you remember how bad

you wanted Ace, right?

- I do.

- [ROOSTER] Mm-hmm.

Now, the Condamned gimmick

is already way better

than any Ace gimmick.

Now, let's say we string

this thing along.

We build us back up, and we make

this cross-promotion thing work.

Who's DWL's top guy, to take on me?

I mean, it's gotta be somebody, right?

- Yeah.

- I mean, they last champion

was a girl the size of Tinkerbell.

And they former top guy, Jack Spade,

just lost clean to that Tinkerbell.

And the legendary Wild Bill

is a pants-sh1tting laughingstock

who's one match away

from slipping into a warm bath,

slitting his wrists, and

donating his brain to science.

- [LAUGHING] Oh, my God.

- Now,

the Condamned is mysterious.

The Condamned is new.

Now, if I b*at a masked vigilante

who seems like he can kick

100 guys' asses in the alley,

who's the real cock of the walk?

Rooster time.

- [LUCY] Dad?

- Hey, honey.

You got a call from a guy

named Brooks Rizzo, in Hollywood.

He works for a social media app

and streaming company called Continuum.

He wants to discuss

putting Dystopia on TV.

- What?

- [LUCY] Well, not TV,

but on their platform,

which plays on TVs,

and tablets, and phones,

like all the streaming

service companies.

- Let's go!

- That's what I'm talking 'bout!

- [GULLY] All right! All right!

- [ROOSTER] Come on! Come on!

Guys, we-we about to be famous!

[GULLY] Yeah we are!

- [ROOSTER] You damn right!

- [GULLY] Okay!

[DOOR BUZZES]

[INMATE CHUCKLES]

- [CRYSTAL] Hey, Mom.

- Hi.

You finally got some sleep.

Mm.

So, tell me what happened.

[CRYSTAL SIGHS] She ended up being nice.

What was her stage name?

Wasn't really a stage name.

It was more like a gimmick.

Elle Dorado.

Well, what's her real name?

[CRYSTAL] Tanya.

That was popular when I was a kid.

They ever give you kind of a fake name?

I'm just me.

Crystal.

Rock solid.

All natural.

She said it's not easy.

The road.

She said to watch out for peepholes.

Well, if I wasn't in here,

I'd go on the road with you.

No one would ever risk peeping at you

through peepholes with me around.

g*dd*mn, I hate not being there

to look out for you.

I'm fine.

- It's all fine.

- [KARIN] No, it ain't.

You're out there, on your own.

I should have been there

with you the whole time.

Mom, it's fine.

Don't worry.

I am strong.

Really.

Just like you said.

Rock solid.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

I just want you home.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

You don't need to say it.

I met a guy.

Oh, do tell.

Only if it's a nice guy.

♪

[JACK] Good to see you. Thank you.

Just saw Mr. Devaux.

He was at the show last night. Loved it.

Fred Devaux loved the show?

Yeah.

- High school principal.

- Aw.

It's weird having

people actually like you.

One of these days,

you're gonna have to let me

- know what that feels like.

- I'm trying to.

Hey, after you left last night

Oh, one sec. Tricia Bell texted me

and said that she wants to be, like,

my goth/emo valet.

Catwoman kinda thing.

Last time didn't terrorise her?

[ACE] Says she's intrigued.

You're blowing up.

Yeah, but it's more than that, you know?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Hey, look.

After you left last night,

I had a chat with Charlie Gully,

and he offered to host

the Condamned at Dystopia.

Host? Host what?

He wants to feature the Condamned

at Dystopia this week.

[LAUGHS] Of course he does,

'cause it's dope.

- Obviously, the answer's no.

- Okay.

No way we're wasting

the Condamned at his shitshow.

- He can host this.

- [JACK] Hey, hey.

Come on, dude.

Look, when we're at church,

you do not need to grab

your unit to make a point.

All right? S-sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Staci.

I'm sorry, Jesus.

I understand the impulse,

relative to the situation.

Best sister-in-law ever.

I don't think Gully understands

what this all means to you.

No way he could.

That being said, I did tell him

that I would run it by you.

Okay, well, tell him you did,

and tell him I told you

there's no way we're wasting

the Condamned

on an audience that wouldn't

understand the

nu-the nuance. Is "nuance" a word?

Mm-hmm.

[ACE] The-the-the-the complexity

of what we got goin' on here.

There's a chance

for this gimmick to really,

really speak to people

about, uh, impulse,

and-and appetite, and the-

the cost of those things.

You know, redemption.

Deliverance from evil.

Like in the Lord's Prayer.

"Deliver us from evil".

It's all right there

waiting to be tapped

and told for new audiences.

Mm-hmm.

You understand, don't you, Staci?

You can see it.

I do understand.

And you can see it?

I can.

[ACE] Come here.

[STACI] Aw.

God bless you.

[STACI] Aw, I love you too.

[WILD BILL] Hey.

You all right?

[DIEGO] I'm great.

[WILD BILL] You don't seem great.

[DIEGO] Yeah, well

Let's just do this.

[WILD BILL] Yes, let's.

Should we discuss the Condamned?

You tell me.

Let's discuss it.

It was big news.

Cool.

Hey, hey.

What is up with the pout-pout?

I'm trying to help you,

open doors for you.

Expose you to stuff. Lift you up.

Make your dreams come true.

And you're pouty-pout man-pouting

about I don't f*cking know what.

You treat me like a scrub.

You treat me like a gofer.

You aren't lifting me up.

You're using me to buck up

your fragile ego.

My ego isn't fragile.

Everyone's ego is fragile,

but good people don't

treat other people badly

to build theirs up.

And

Three, two, one.

Welcome.

Quick bit of business.

I know y'all love listening

to the Wild Bill Podcast,

but going forward,

we got a new name in the title.

Going forward, this is

not the Wild Bill Podcast.

This is the Wild Bill

and Diego Cottonmouth Podcast.

Been a great partnership so far

and one I hope will continue.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

[SIGHS]

It's an honour to be with you, Bill.

♪

[LAUGHS]

All right, let's get into it, shall we?

First up

♪

Caitlyn, please get Brooks.

He's coming.

[EXECUTIVE] And please tell

whoever redecorated my office

over the weekend,

who clearly thought they

were doing me a favour,

that when they redecorate,

they shouldn't insult

people's intelligence with fake books

with colourful spines

that I would like to burn.

Brooks, I am meeting

with the board in two weeks.

Please brighten my day

with some good news.

Darren Phillips scouted women's golf,

said there might be

some possibilities there.

Taylor said that we can get

Kentucky Derby coverage cheap.

Imagine our surge in subscribers

when people find out there's

a new platform

where you can watch horses

running around

while getting whipped,

surrounded by women in hats.

We're very much all over the place.

We need not to be.

I'm going to Florida to scope out

some independent professional

wrestling promotions.

I hate professional wrestling

even more than I hate horses.

You don't hate horses.

I hate when they're racing

and getting whipped.

You know, horses aren't

naturally competitive.

It's humans who make them that way.

Perhaps I hate horses more

because of the people

who own them, who make them

something they're not.

Last year, total revenue

for professional wrestling

was 1.095 billion.

I guess I could grow to love

professional wrestling.

Although, I hate when men

wear those bikini pants.

Either wear shorts or nothing,

not in between.

So we buy a wrestling promotion.

More than one. Grab a handful.

Promote the hell out of 'em.

Build it, brand it, live shows

and streamed content.

Expand. Who knows?

Maybe, in one to three years, it grows.

Optimism is mental illness,

but it's cute.

Have fun. Don't drink.

[BROOKS] Hmm.

[WILLIE] You look handy up there.

[LAUGHS] Just got to thinking

how, every summer,

we lose who knows

how many thousands of dollars'

worth of air conditioning

out these windows.

Hey, would you hand me that towel there?

[WILLIE] I should get you

to come to my place.

[STACI] I'm happy to help

wherever I can.

Jack was thinking, with

the cross-promotion chaos,

things might get

a little busy around here,

so I figured I might as well help out.

- All for one and all, you know.

- Yeah, well,

the list of things we need help with

is never-ending. You don't wanna know.

I do.

Sump pump's busted.

- Maybe I don't.

- Exactly.

Oh, hey, Willie,

before you go, uh,

you connected with Sonya Tuckerman,

the woman from the County?

I did. Thanks.

Okay.

Yeah, so she got what she came for then?

Saturday night, in the hallway?

Yeah. She got it.

Jack says she's the tax assessor.

She is.

I paid a bill.

For some bills, we write checks,

and some we pay in cash.

You pay the property taxes

in cash, in an envelope?

We do.

We pay the property taxes

in cash, in an envelope,

and Sonya Tuckerman handles it.

And if Sonya Tuckerman didn't handle it,

we'd be screwed.

That's enough of an answer.

No, it isn't.

[WILLIE] Staci

this isn't anything

you need to worry about.

It looks like it might be.

[WILLIE] It isn't.

Okay, look, there's-there's

two kinds of women.

There are women who get taken care of.

You know, they emit

some kind of soft vapour.

People gather around

and take care of 'em.

That's you.

And then there's me.

I emit some kind of coal engine smoke.

I get dirty, and I fix sh*t,

and I stay up all night worrying about

more dirty sh*t I gotta fix.

I fix sh*t, so you don't have

to spend a single second

worrying about un-fixed sh*t.

What's going on here, Willie?

You wanna know what's going on?

Here's what's going on.

Tom and I made an agreement, years ago,

that we would do

whatever we needed to do

to keep this place alive.

And you don't need to worry

about what those things are.

Are they legal?

[WILLIE] Some are.

Well, whatever those other ones are,

we're not doing 'em anymore.

The DWL is a house

of cards built on sand,

in the middle of a hurricane,

on a leaky boat.

We do whatever we need to do.

Does Jack know?

[SIGHS] No.

What else are we doing?

I wanna know everything.

I'm not gonna tell you everything.

You're saying that to pretend

like you're protecting me

when, in fact, you're

only protecting yourself.

This turning into

that kind of conversation?

Everything that's going on,

Jack needs to know.

I need to know,

so we can make it right

- [WILLIE LAUGHS]

- move on.

"Make it right".

Well, those are some big,

shiny morals you've got there,

but here's the problem

with knowing stuff.

You can't un-know it,

so what if knowing stuff

means finding out the DWL

can't keep itself afloat legally

and never has?

What if it means finding out

that Tom had years and years

of promissory notes and third mortgages

and lines of credit and

business loans he knew

he'd never be able to pay off?

Hmm?

Is that really something you wanna know?

And how you gonna fix it?

How you gonna fix over $100,000

in county property taxes

that we avoided paying

because Sonya Tuckerman

had a crush on Tom?

What are you gonna do?

You gonna tell Jack

his father wasn't only

the bastard that left him,

but also a hustler

who didn't always tell the truth

to get people to give him money?

Tom didn't want Jack knowing anything

'cause he didn't want

wrestling ruining his life,

and as for the DWL,

he probably forgot

he even willed it to him.

That will hadn't been touched

since Jack was six years old.

Back when Tom thought, as did I,

that this thing was gonna be something

worth leaving someone.

Stupid.

Tom didn't do Jack any favours

leaving him the DWL.

He left him a rat's nest to untangle,

and he left me with it.

I'm just stupid enough

to still be standing here,

trying to fix it.

You say you need to make it right.

Make it right, Staci.

Take it all.

Tell Jack all about it.

Jack's an honest man.

We're all honest, till we're not.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[DOOR SLAMS]

The Condamned is wrestling

at Dystopia this week.

No exceptions.

[JACK] I'm not gonna blow

the Condamned's whole character

in some ordinary match with you.

First, the character's been

around what, three days?

Second, a match with

me is never ordinary.

I'm the FWD champ.

So by not wrestling me, you get to keep

that belt a little longer.

Ace doesn't wanna wrestle at Dystopia,

so it's not gonna happen.

You agreed to this cross-promotion.

There's only one choice.

Well, there's two, if you count

gettin' sued and going bankrupt.

I'd say Charlie doesn't care

which, but he does.

His character really means a lot to him.

Next, you gonna tell me

that he's not such a bad guy.

You keep telling that

to yourself until it sink in.

He's the one you got to deal with,

because you punched him.

So you just focus on what's next.

Right now, you just do what you gotta do

so your bill don't get past due.

Ciao.

Tell me I'm being short-sighted.

You're not being short-sighted.

You're trying to pretend you

got a choice when you don't.

We can make it a sh**t.

Go down there, and pin him

when he's not expecting it.

[JACK] Ace, you can hold

him down for an hour,

and the ref will never count to three.

Besides, you said you don't

wanna go back to Dystopia,

and I don't blame you.

I definitely don't.

It's not like I wanna go.

I'm just saying, as your

brother, if you told me,

"I need you to do it"

No.

If you really don't got a choice

It's my f*ck-up.

It's not yours.

You punched him 'cause you were

trying to save me from him.

That was the wrong way to handle it.

This is your character.

Don't go messing with it

just to cover my mistake.

f*ck Gully.

I'd rather go down in flames.

I don't want you to go down in flames.

I don't want us to go down in flames.

Besides, flames are

the sort of situation

the Condamned's trying

to steer away from anyway.

[BOTH LAUGH]

We really are f*cked.

Nah, not really.

It's just wrestling.

Give him Crystal.

Gully wants me, not Crystal.

Gully wants you to wrestle,

so don't wrestle.

Appear.

Ten seconds. You're in. You're out.

Boom. It's over.

Gully'd wanna win the night.

[WILLIE] Then Gully wins the night.

So what?

Move on. Cut your losses, right?

Let's stop acting like we got

a choice in the matter.

Just do it. Go.

We can't throw Crystal to the wolves.

Not at this point.

Crystal just survived y'all's asses.

Y'all are wolves, bears,

lions, and hyenas.

And jackasses. Crystal

can handle Dystopia.

She can handle

whatever comes at her next.

Stop talking.

Let's fix this sh*t.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[SIGHS AND LAUGHS]

[WILLIE] Those are something.

The bracelets.

[CRYSTAL] Elle left them for me.

[WILLIE] Bargain-basement

Wonder Woman she was.

She was nice.

Come sit.

Crystal, Jack is

sending Ace to Dystopia.

Not sending.

It's voluntary. He wants to go.

Now Gully's being a d*ck.

Sun's gonna rise tomorrow too.

Big surprise.

Anyhow, Ace is gonna do it.

One night.

And I think you should go too.

Lemons outta lemonade,

or other way around,

but the thing is,

you were right about the women's league.

It's time we sh*t or get off the pot.

We'll make Gully put you in

a match with one of his girls.

Women.

You know, someone from his roster.

He's got a lot of 'em, women down there.

Could be a big boost,

one you couldn't get here,

not without more women

on our roster, so go.

Don't just stand there,

staring at an open door.

Don't question it.

This is a chance.

You take it, and it'll lead

to another and another.

You get in that ring at Dystopia,

and you say, "Shove it up your ass.

I am here to sparkle".

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

And I'll be there to protect you.

[WARM MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

Okay.

I'll do it.

Willie says Gully has me wrestling

some woman named Venus Cancer.

- Mm-hmm.

- Willie talked to her.

- Says she's cool.

- See?

You were all worried you were gonna have

a week off and lose momentum,

and now you're a featured act

at Dystopia.

That's five times our crowd.

Trust your destiny.

Faith.

It's not a lot of prep time.

[BOBBY] Your entire life,

up to this moment,

has been prep time.

God placed you in this moment,

not to test you,

to reward you,

to shine a spotlight on you.

I know this.

I do not know a lot, but I know this.

[LAUGHS]

At what point does,

like, your face fall off,

revealing yourself to be some kind

of romance novel android man

engineered to make me feel good

about myself

when I'm at my lowest

and most uncertain?

Hmm.

I cannot compute what you say, Crystal.

Go win!

Bobby 2000 at your service.

- Thank you.

- [BOBBY] Mm-hmm.

Don't worry about calling.

Stay focused.

[ACE] Oh, Jack says it's time to roll.

Bobby, wish us luck.

[BOBBY] Oh, you don't need it.

We'll be watching

on the Dystopia livestream.

- Crush it, Crystal.

- [CRYSTAL] Mm.

And you give 'em hell, Condamned.

I really like you.

You know what I mean?

I really like you too.

[LAUGHS]

[TENDER MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

["LONG COOL WOMAN" PLAYING]

♪

[SINGER] Saturday night

I was downtown ♪

Working for the FBI ♪

Sittin' in a nest of bad men ♪

Whiskey bottles piling high ♪

Bootlegging boozer on the west side ♪

Full of people who are doing wrong ♪

Just about to call up the DA man ♪

When I heard this woman sing a song ♪

A pair of 45's made me open my eyes ♪

My temperature started to rise ♪

No, no, no.

Now, now, now, right after that, Venus,

I need you to kick out.

Kick out!

There it is. Good job.

Yo, Rooster, heads up.

And, well, looky here.

Hello, old friends.

Now, folks, let's give

a warm Dystopia welcome

to our partners from the DWL.

[POLITE APPLAUSE]

♪

So I have some thoughts

on how this should go.

Well, your thoughts better involve

you getting your asses kicked.

[JACK] Rooster, I need

your help persuading Gully

that what I've booked is great.

Look, Jack, I'm not here to

help you with your business,

yo bitchin', your complainin',

or persuadin'.

Look, good sh*t sells itself.

Sell some good sh*t without

Condemnation Man winning,

and Gully will bite.

Why, in the name

of whatever almighty God

created this dog-eat-dog world

should I let you

book what happens in my ring

and trust that you're actually

gonna go through with it?

Well, first off, you get

to punch me in the face.

- Yay, Dad.

- Yeah, yay me.

Okay, keep going.

It gets better.

Brooks Rizzo just texted.

He's gonna be a little bit late.

We're not gonna start

the show without him,

so meet him out there for will-call.

Sit next to him during the show.

If he needs anything, get it to him.

- Dad?

- Yes?

- I got this.

- Okay. Thank you.

[BELL DINGS]

[GROANS IN PAIN]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD JEERING]

[DRAMATIC SLOW DRUMBEAT PLAYS]

[CROWD] Ooh!

Yeah!

[REFEREE] Get her on the corner, Venus.

Aha!

You okay, Crystal?

[CROWD GROANS]

You okay, Venus?

Venus?

[CROWD BOOING]

Okay.

Holy sh*t.

One, two

All right. She's great.

Let's see how she is on the mic.

I am not gonna be thrown off

by your words, Jack.

I learned all of them.

I was in the senior class

play, Godspell.

Okay. Pipe down, Pippin.

I didn't do Pippin.

Pippin was not as good of a musical.

Crystal, you wanna give

Crystal, you wanna give up?

No.

Whoo!

[REFEREE] No, she's doin' it!

She's doin' it!

Go!

One, two two.

Two.

- Hey! Hey!

- [GRUNTS IN PAIN]

Hey, where are you going?

Get back in here!

No más! Ah!

[CROWD BOOING]

Don't look at me. I'm still here.

Y'all came to see wrestling, right?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

♪

[CROWD CHANTING "GULLY"]

♪

Crystal Tyler!

That's a great name.

You got a lot of guts coming down here,

taking on my number one lady,

Venus Cancer.

Hey, Kevin, give her a mic.

Crystal, you and I need to talk.

Talk about what?

How your wrestler is a coward?

- [CROWD] Ooh!

- Venus is not a coward.

She was just following orders.

My orders, because this

is my ring, and I am God!

[CROWD CHEERING]

I wanted to see

the Crystal Tyler show in person.

You have come a long way

in a very short time.

From valet, to DWL champ,

to women's champ,

to pound-for-pound

the toughest S-O-B in the DWL.

It's true!

[CROWD] Yeah!

But tonight, I have been reminded

of a very important botanical truth.

Even in a sh*t pile like the DWL,

a lovely rose can still bloom.

[CROWD LAUGHS]

Okay, so to me, the real sin

is to leave that rose

growing in a sh*t pile.

Oh, Hole-i-o, please

bring me my briefcase.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Listen up, Crystal.

I wanna be

in the Crystal Tyler business.

I wanna see you realise

your full potential,

not selfishly,

but for the industry that we both love.

I wanna build the Crystal Tyler brand,

so please, just take a seat

and hear my pitch.

Sit. Sit. Sit.

[CROWD CHANTING "SIT"]

Come on. You're my guest.

Sit down.

Please just sit.

[CROWD CHEERS]

I need Crystal Tyler pay-per-views.

Crystal Tyler action figures.

Crystal Tyler home goods.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

We both know that as long

as you stay in the DWL,

that will never happen.

Jack Spade can't take you

to the top, but I can.

[CROWD] Yeah!

You know, Rooster used to be

with the DWL, but, Rooster,

before you started working

with me, what kind of car

- did you drive?

- Tercel.

[LAUGHTER]

It's a fine car. It's a fine car,

but what kind of car

are you driving now?

Lamborghini.

[CROWD] Whoo!

I can make you a star

beyond your wildest dreams.

Crystal Tyler, I want you to join

Florida Wrestling Dystopia!

[CROWD ROARING]

[CROWD CHANTING "YES"]

You know, being born

in Duffy means being born

into low expectations.

When you come from nothing,

it's okay to not succeed.

It's probably why

I never thought of myself

being worth a damn.

Mr. Gully, I have been

through stuff that no kid

should ever have to go through,

overcame way more than I should have.

And just when I thought

I couldn't squeeze out any more fight,

the Spade brothers gave me a home.

And I'm not talking about a home

with a fireplace and a big-screen TV

and a comfy, cozy couch.

No, I'm talking about a home

that was built for me.

The ring.

Because in the ring,

all the bullshit that used to bury me

can't even touch me!

And so, for that, I'm forever

grateful for the Spade family.

[CROWD] Boo!

But this is a business,

and it's a nasty one, at that.

And there is no one looking

out for me now except for me.

[AUDIENCE GROANS]

Truth is, Mr. Gully,

I deserve everything

you offer and then some.

Mm-hmm.

You want Crystal Tyler in Dystopia?

You want Crystal Tyler in Dystopia?

- [GULLY] Let's hear it, folks!

- [CROWD CHEERING]

[GULLY] Let's hear it!

Well, then you know what?

My answer is

hell no!

I ain't no sellout, and

I am never working

for a bottom-feeding maggot like you.

DWL for life!

[CROWD BOOING]

Go on! Get out of here!

[GULLY] All right.

First, I just wanna say ow.

And now that you've done

the loyalty act,

let's get down to business.

Help me out, Hole.

This right here is a two-year contract

for you to join FWD,

and right here

is $100,000!

[CROWD] Whoo!

A bonus for signing it!

Did Jack Spade ever give you

this kind of an opportunity?

No, he did not.

You will never see this amount of money

for as long as you're with

Jack Spade and the DWL,

no matter how hard you grind,

no matter how much you deserve it.

But you work for me,

you will be set for life.

Work for me, and you have security

for you and your loved ones.

Or are you gonna throw away

the biggest opportunity of your life

for some silly and blind

devotion to Jack Spade?

[CROWD CHANTING "SIGN"]

Sign! Sign! Sign!

Hey, Gully!

- [CROWD] Boo!

- Shut up!

You get the hell away from her!

[CROWD BOOING]

[GULLY] All right. Let's hear him.

Let's hear him out.

[JACK] Maybe you're hard of hearing,

but you cannot buy Crystal Tyler!

She's no sellout, like you!

[CROWD] Boo!

Well, well, well, Jack.

It's, uh, not really a surprise,

you showing up here tonight.

I see how you're looking at Rooster,

like the one who got away,

and so you're here, now,

beg Crystal to not leave too.

[JACK] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Crystal Tyler chooses her own words!

I'm not here to plead with her to stay.

I'm here to fight by her side!

She's always had my back,

and I will always have hers!

Crystal's not here to have your back.

She's here to s*ab you in it!

[CROWD] Oh!

[CRYSTAL] Whoo!

Yeah!

[LAUGHS]

[QUIETLY] Nice writing, Jack.

[CRYSTAL] Whoo! [LAUGHS]

Yes!

Bye-bye, Jack.

Looks like we got a deal!

Whoo! Dystopia!

Whoo!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Whoo-hoo!

Looks like Jack's waking up a bit!

Get him!

[CROWD CHANTING "FIGHT"]

[CIRCUITS HUMMING]

[SWITCH CLANGS]

[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[LOUD IMPACTS]

[WRESTLERS GROANING]

[CROWD MURMURING CONFUSEDLY]

Wherever you are, Jack Spade,

this isn't over!

Dystopia for life!

[CROWD ROARS]

Yeah!

Yessir!

Pop on that zipline

was f*cking incredible!

Aw, dude, you wrote

the sh*t out of that.

- Crystal.

- Yeah.

Crystal. Jesus.

Hey, how long do you think it'll take

for the arena to clear?

Hopefully soon. I gotta piss.

Just go here. I'll move.

What?

[CROWD CHEERING]

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah!

[CROWD CHEERING,

CHANTING "GULLY IS GOD"]

[BROOKS] Excuse me.

Somebody told me that you work

with Crystal Tyler

and the Spade brothers.

I do.

I'm Brooks Rizzo.

I would love to know more about them.

Like what?

Everything.

["LONG COOL WOMAN" PLAYING]

♪

[SINGER] Saturday night

I was downtown ♪

Working for the FBI ♪

Sittin' in a nest of bad men ♪

Whiskey bottles piling high ♪

Bootlegging boozer on the west side ♪

Full of people who are doing wrong ♪

Just about to call up the DA man ♪

When I heard this woman sing a song ♪

♪

A pair of 45's made me open my eyes ♪

My temperature started to rise ♪

She was a long cool woman

in a black dress ♪

Just-a 5'9" beautiful tall ♪

With just one look I was a bad mess ♪

'Cause that long

cool woman had it all ♪

Had it all ♪

Ooh had it all ♪

♪

Ah, she had it all ♪