06x01 - Kids

[bunniefuu]

Heartbeat, why do you miss
when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a
love kiss stay in my memory?

Will it bat and sing to me love's story?
And bring to me love's glory?

Heartbeat, why do you miss
when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why do you miss
when my baby kisses me?

Come on mate, get moving!

It's nothing to do with me mate!

Oh you're up early today.

Market day's the highlight of
our week, isn't it sweetheart?

Come here.

Oh by the way, you haven't
seen Molly have you?

Molly?

Her Dolly.

Oh, let's go and find her shall we?

Eh? You okay?

I'm doing me best alright!

Having problems are we?

Phil, it's good to see you.

Is this the guilty party?

Came quietly did she officer?

Yeah. I'll see you two later.

Come on!

Morning sir, can I help you?

Yeah, you can help me.

You can do something about that
lunatic up by the school for starters.

And which lunatic would that be sir?

The one who's just jumped out in
front of me and nearly got himself k*lled,

that's who!

Come here!

What?

Come here!

Thank you.

Now what do I owe you?

I could think of something.

Pint a bit around the pub tonight?

That'll do, for now.

I'll see you then.

You will.

So it's you Claude.

Is it?

I'll tell you one thing about you young
coppers, you don't miss once do you?

So how long have you been
licensed to carry a lollipop then?

You probably won't believe it from
the expert way I'm sorting it out, but it

's my first day.

I've just had a bloke complaining
you jumped out in front of him, nearly

caused an accident this morning.

It's probably that lunatic
in the green Rover.

That's the one.

Well it's him you want
to have a go at, not me.

He comes screaming up here like
Sterling Moss on snuff and centipodes.

I can certainly vouch for that constable.

So you witnessed this
incident did you Miss Weston?

Thank you very much indeed Miss Weston.

As a matter of fact
officer, Miss Weston

happened to be on
the crossing at the time.

He very nearly hit her.

I see.

Right, well that'll be all then officer.

Yeah I suppose so.

I'll get back to me duties then.

We've not all got Bobby's jobs you know.

I was hoping you might pop in and
give the children a talk sometime.

Oh yeah?

We're doing a campaign on road safety.

Well I'm all in favour of that.

Then how about this week?

Yeah, well I'll check with my
social secretary, see if I'm free okay?

Good.

Lizzie, can I have a word with you please?

Do you know what time it is?

It's nearly a quarter past nine
which means you're late again.

What happened this morning?

Don't know Miss.

But do you at least remember to
bring your dinner money today?

Yes Miss.

Five pounds.

My money had no change Miss.

Even so, five pounds just for dinner money.

She forgot.

She was still in bed
like, so I just took it.

You took it?

Alright, go and sit down for now.

I'll sort you out some change later.

I've just had an irate
motorist bending my ear Owen.

Complaining about the kamikaze
antics of a lollipop man on your patch.

Would that be a Mr. Pettigrew Sarge?

Oh you've met him have you?

He's had a go at me about it already.

But have you had a go yet?

At this idiot with a lollipop?

Yes Sarge.

And Mr. Greengrass claimed it was
Pettigrew that nearly caused the accident.

Greengrass.

Afraid so Sarge.

Oh come on!

Have you lost something?

Five quid.

I left it over there by the
telly when I came in last night.

Well don't look at me, I haven't taken it.

Oh well that only leaves
one suspect then doesn't it?

Oh no.

No, she wouldn't.

Well somebody did and if it wasn't
her who the hell else could it have been?

Are you sure that's where you left it?

I'm telling you I left it here!

Okay, okay!

Don't break it, we've just bought it!

Mrs. McGowan?

That's right.

I'm Joanna Weston, Lizzie's teacher.

Oh hello.

Could I come in?

Sorry, aye of course, come in.

Thank you.

Oh this is Derek by the way.

Hello.

He was just away upstairs to get changed.

Come in!

Lizzie's out is she?

Playing with the wee girl next door.

Do you want me to go and get her for you?

No, no that won't be necessary.

She brought this with
her to school today,

to pay for her school
dinner she said.

So that's where it went.

Only when we got up this
morning I had to run out for a loaf.

When I got back she'd gone.

She must have taken it
for Derek's wage packet.

The thing is you see I really
didn't have enough change.

It's very good of you to bring it back.

Only I'm a bit short of change myself
for now so leave it with me and I'll

see she brings in the right
money tomorrow, okay?

Right.

One more thing Mrs McGowan.

Lizzie's been turning up
for school quite late recently.

Aye well that's her
Lizzie all over you know.

A real doddler.

I'm sick to death of telling her.

When I have a word
with her about this

I'll have one about
that as well, okay?

Right.

Thanks very much then.

Alright.

Bye then.

Right, cheerio.

Thanks again.

Cheers.

So where were you
when they were handing

out manners at the
back of the queue?

More to the point where's
our wandering little girl?

Why?

Because I'd like a word with her.

You stay away from her, do you hear me?

Especially in that state.

Oh aye, and what state would that be?

Stinking of drink.

Don't start.

The way you're going at it Derek,
there's going to be nothing left.

I said don't start Dorothy!

Just get off my back, okay?

Derek, Derek!

Right.

So what makes you think
Phil's going to be here tonight?

Oh she's got a liver puddly
and accent and wears miniskirts.

And generally can be found
pulling pints in this establishment.

Yeah?

Well he's on a promise so he thinks.

No.

Why, you know Phil, he's
got a vivid imagination.

Besides he doesn't know
we're meeting him yet.

Cheers.

Cheers then.

And we'll have two more of
the same, thank you Gina, love.

Cheers Phil.

Hello Gina.

Alright?

Yeah.

I can't understand why you'd want to
be a lollipop man at your age Claude.

Because of the hidden advantages.

Hidden advantages?

Yeah, you work for
the council I mean

the a*t*matic perks
are many and much ly.

What sort of perks?

Free holidays.

Free holidays?

Yeah, I mean look at Chopper
Axford, he works for the council.

Last year he ended
up with two weeks free

holiday at the miners
home in Blackpool.

Yes well Mr. Axford spent most of
his life down the pit Claude and has the

lungs to prove it.

What's left of him.

Well, we've got to find somewhere
that takes people in with my complaints.

What complaints?

I've not made my mind up yet.

You're rogue.

I know but I'm lovable with it.

Uncle George, Lord Ashfordly for you.

Lord Ashfordly?
We'll have royalty ringing up next.

Well you know us Claude,
we'll talk to anyone, even you.

Yes.

Look out!

What do you think you're doing?

Just going for a drink.

You nearly knocked me down.

Right.

So what does his lordship want?

To see me he said.

A pint of better please.

I'll be with you in a minute.

To see you, what about?

I don't know but I reckon I can guess.

A pint of better please.

I said I'll be with you in a minute.

Between you and me I've heard
he was in a bit of financial trouble.

Some big company he
had shares in has gone

belly up they reckon,
cost him a fortune.

What's that got to do with you?

Not really, unless it affects
the rent for this place.

Why, do you think he put it up?

Well we don't pay much, at
least we haven't been, until now.

I'll see you to him.

Now then sir, what's the fuss about eh?

There is no fuss dad, I just assumed
you were there to serve drinks,

not stand around yacking like some old hen.

Eh, don't be talking to my uncle like that.

Do you mind lady, honestly the organ
grinder I'm talking to, not a monkey.

Alright pal, that's enough eh.

Ah, and who are you
then, the monkey's uncle?

Look, why don't you do us all a
favour, go home and sleep it off eh.

And you're going to make me?

If necessary.

Feeling lucky then are we?

With you sunshine, any time.

Now come on, out.

Right, now you, just calm down, alright.

Come on then, ladies next,
I'm kidding, feeling lucky.

Who washed this blood then?

Sonny Flaming Liston.

Felt like it.

Derek Ramsey Sarge, a
right turn away I can tell you.

And where do we have
this one man army now then?

Safely under lock and key I hope?

Oh yes, we sorted them out alright.

Even though we did take the three of you.

Well can I take it then that no more
force was used than was absolutely

necessary in the circumstances?

He att*cked us Sarge.

I know you said Bellamy, but just
in case his lawyer thinks otherwise, I

want it corroborated in court on Monday.

What happened?

I thought you were
going for a quiet night out.

Yeah, well, turned out to be
more of a bastard's holiday.

What have you done with him?

Who?

My Derek, where is he?

Derek Ramsey?

You'd best come in.

Are you Mrs Ramsey?

Dorothy McGowan, we're not married.

Look, I want to know what
you've done with Derek.

We haven't done anything
with him, except book him.

What, for being worked
over by three coppers?

Look, he's in custody over at Ashfordly,
where he'll be spending the night I

should think.

Look, you don't
understand. It was all

my fault really, for
having a go at him.

Look, when he's not full of drink
he's a big softy and that is the truth.

It's not just drunk and disorderly
he's being charged with.

He att*cked and injured three police
officers, so he'll probably be charged

with as*ault.

But couldn't he be sent down for that?

Quite possibly, yeah.

Then God help me, so I can see.

Hello?

Hello?

Who is that? Hello?

Who is that? Hello?

Who was that, Mummy?

What? Oh, it must have been a wrong number.

Derek Ramsey,
you've been found guilty

of as*ault, occasioning
actual bodily harm.

And because of your previous record,
such behaviour can neither be tolerated

nor excused.

You're therefore sentenced to days.

Take him down.

Paul D'Arcy. Long time no see.

Get off me! Get off me!

Get off me! Get off me!

Get off! Get off me!

Get off me! Get off me!

Get off me!

Get off me!

Mr McGowan?

You all right?

Right, you two. Derek Ramsey
needs delivering to prison this afternoon.

I take it you can just about
manage that, can you?

Our pleasure, Sarge.

Now then, when we come to the
road, what's the first thing we do, eh?

You look. Right!

And then what do we do?

You look left.

And then?

You look right again.

And then?

You cross.

What, even if a steamroller's coming?

But when we've looked right and
left and right again, then we cross.

But only when...
The road's clear.

Right.

We'd never get there.

And then who wants a lollipop?

Me!

There you are.

Come on, hang on! Wait!

Wait on!

Hang on. All right, children, come on!

Take it easy.

Right, fuss as you can.

Good week.

I'm impressed.

Are you?

You're very good with kids.

Well, that's probably
because I spend most

nights trying to get
one back to sleep.

I can't imagine how you manage.

Oh, it's not that bad.

They don't stay that age forever.

Mummy!

Well, that has to be a first.

What's that?

Mrs McGowan turning up
to collect Lizzie after school.

Most days she can't even
manage to get her here on time.

How well do you know the family?

Not well.

Apparently they moved down
from Glasgow about a year ago.

Constable Rowan?

I'm glad I've caught you.

Could I have a word with you, please?

Yeah, of course you can.

I'll drop those road safety posters
off sometime tomorrow, OK?

All right. Thanks again.

It's about Mr Greengrass.

Oh, yes?

Is it true that he has a
rather dubious background?

Well, he's a bit of
an old rogue, but

I don't think it'll
give you any trouble.

I see.

Is there some sort of problem?

There's been an outbreak
of pilfering at the school.

Odd bits of cash, that kind of thing.

All from the school cloakroom.

Yeah, well, that's not
Mr Greengrass's style.

The point is, it's only
started happening

since Mr Greengrass
took over the crossing.

And he does leave his
lollipop in the cloakroom.

Any bogs along this route?

Why?

I need one. Urgently.

Ha!
Then you'll just have to wait, won't you?

And you're a big boy now, Ramsay.

Presumably house-trained.

And what if I can't?

Then that's your problem, isn't it?

It's not exactly mine.

I mean, you're the one sitting
next to me for the next few miles.

Right?

I thought you knew me better than that.

There's no way I'm going to
steal money off kids, is there?

I'm only asking if you know
anything about it, that's all.

I know what you're asking,
and the answer is no.

So if you'll excuse me, I'll
go and get on with me duties.

And I suggest you do the same constantly.

Wait on! Wait on!

Come on!
Come on, nice and quickly now! Come on!

Lovely.

Right.

Come on, love. Come on. We can see you.

That's it. No need to rush.

No matter about him.

You stupid old barn pop!

You did that on purpose!

How would you like the blunt end
of this inserted up your left nostril?

All right, you two, that's enough.

Well, you heard him, Constable.

He threatened me!

Well, he probably wouldn't have done
if you hadn't spoken to him like that.

Now, I can book the
pair of you, if you like.

We can get back in your car and drive on.

You're already causing an obstruction.

OK, Officer. I get the picture.

You uniformed lads
must stick together, right?

And if you think
you've heard the end of

this, you've got another
thing coming, mate.

Morning.

In fact, you'll be laughing on the
other side of your hairy great face

by the time I've finished with you.

I think those lads in
uniform did very well.

Yeah, all right, Claude.

Don't wind that brass
neck of yours out too far.

Or one of these days,
you'll get it chopped off.

Oh, don't.

Well, what, do you want a hand?
Get on with it.

Only, er... I need to go in there.

Hold on, mate.

Come on.

Look, I won't take long, OK?

Do you hear?

Get on with it. Cheers.

Oh, there's no paper!

Yes, sir.

I can't honestly think how anyone
could have been that stupid, sir.

Yes, sir? Fully experienced officers?

No, sir.

Not exactly the cream of the crop.

We'll catch him, sir.
Don't you worry about that.

Right.

The old public urinal routine, was it?

And you two idiots fell for it.

You didn't perhaps slip him his
bus fare to the nearest railway station

while you were at it.

Well, don't just stand there
like the last of the Clay men.

Get cleaned up and get out there
with the rest of the North Riding Police

Force and find him.

And if you happen to see a church,
I'll go in and light a couple of candles.

Cos if you don't bring him back
sharpish, you'll both be in need of divine

intervention.

Blaketon!

Oh, hello, sir.

Er, you've heard, have you, sir?

Well, we're doing our best, sir.

What's going on, Dorothy?

What do you mean?

Well, why would Derek suddenly do a runner?
Suddenly going down for days?

How should I know?

He's in even more trouble now.

That bloke you saw
in court, you and

Derek weren't exactly
pleased to see him.

I'm telling you, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Come on!

Oh, it's you, Mr Greengrass.

Yes, it is. Is he in?

Oh, if it's Nick you're
referring to, I'm afraid he isn't.

Is there anything I can help you with?

Er, just tell him Claude
Greengrass came

round and said thank
you very much indeed.

For what exactly?

I'll tell you for
what. For getting me

the push from my
job down at the school.

Well, how could Nick
possibly have done that?

Oh, easy. By putting the poison in.

I mean, they couldn't pin that
pilfer in charge on me, could they?

So they stitched me up in another way.

Well, just tell him I hope
he's proud of himself,

taking the bread and butter out of the
mouth of somebody who's nearly an old

age pensioner.

He's spending too much
time with that Blaketon.

Hey!

Lizzie!

Lizzie!

What?

Will you get out of that bed now?

I don't want that teacher of
yours coming round here again.

No! No!

What are you doing here?

Leave her alone!

Shut it! Shut it!

Just stay there, Lizzie!

Just get out of my bed!

I said I'm warning you! I'm warning you!

Mummy?

Will you not make so much noise?

Now go and take your coats off.

And walk!

There you go.
One set of road safety posters.

Thanks very much.

What's all this I hear about
Greengrass being given a sack?

It seems that the school governors
have persuaded the council that he's not

a suitable person.

Who? Because of that pilfering business?

That's who I'm told.

Well, there's no evidence
he had anything to do with it.

I know, but the chairman of the
board still felt that there were sufficient

grounds for concern.

And who's the chairman?

Councillor Pettigrew, actually.

Not the Pettigrew that
Greengrass had that run-in with?

No, his brother.
Frankly, I think it stinks.

Lizzie! What's the matter?

It's my mummy, Miss. I think she's dead.

Dead?

How bad is she?

Well, she's unconscious
but still breathing, Sarge.

She's obviously been beaten up.

The serious damage seems to have
been done when she fell down the stairs.

Hmm.

A dangerous man to know, huh, Mr Ramsey?

If it was him who did it.

It's pretty obvious what
went on, I would have thought.

He comes home looking
for sucker, presumably,

and when none's forthcoming,
they end up having a flaming row.

Yes, Sarge.

But, uh... you have an
alternative theory, do you?

Well, for starters, there's the bloke
who turned up in court yesterday.

What bloke?

Well, I don't know who it was, Sarge,
but Dorothy McGowan obviously did.

So did Ramsey.

It was only after he spotted him
in the public gallery that he started

kicking up the way he did.

I don't get your point, Lord.

Well, Dorothy turned up at
the police house the other night

trying to find out what
was happening to Ramsey.

And?

Well, when she realised he
was likely to be banged up,

she got very agitated about something.

And once again, you
have no idea about what?

No, Sarge.

Well, until you have, I'll
stick to me own theory,

which means I want
this entire area sealed off.

'Cause if it was Ramsey,
he can't have got very far.

Hello.

Is Lizzie still here?

She's in the rest area.
No Spalterns with her at the moment.

She's gonna be all right.

What did I tell you?

How are you feeling now, Lizzie?

OK.

Do you want to tell us what happened?

She was just lying there.

And the doctor said, "Get
up, baby, get up, will you?"

And there was blood.

All this blood.

She's in severe shock.

What's gonna happen to her?

Well, I've called the doctor, he's
going to meet us at the hospital.

And then what?

Likelihood is she'll be admitted.

Well, at least that will give her
somewhere to stay until they sort

something else out.

Right.

It's a very odd set-up, Nick.

How do you mean?

Well, Ramsey doesn't
appear to work for a living.

They obviously aren't
short of money, though.

What makes you say that?

The other day, Lizzie
turned up to pay for

her school dinners
with a five-pound note.

Plus, they've got a new car
and a cottage full of new stuff.

Keep your ears open for any gossip.

And let me know if you hear anything, eh?

Yeah.

Have you got time for a quick
drink while the pub's quiet?

What, be caught with drink on my
breath while Blaketon's on the warpath?

Oh, that's more than my life's worth.

See you later, though.

All right.

Bye.

To you, Al.

Evening, George.

Did you see Lord Ashfordly?

I saw him all right.

And?

It was about the rent.

He's going to have to double it, he says.

Double it?

So where does that leave you?

With two choices, I reckon.

Pay up and struggle to make ends
meet, or Jack the pub in altogether.

I'm not sure I'm up for
struggling any more, Gina.

Hello, Lizzie.

I bought you something.

It's from all your friends in class.

Aren't you going to open it?

Tell you what, I'll
open it for you, shall I?

I hope you like it.

I don't know what his name is.

I don't think he's even got one yet.

Perhaps you could think of one for him.

Or shall we pick one together?

There you go.

Intensive Care. Sister Green speaking.

You've had a Dorothy McGowan come in today.

Can you tell me how she is, please?

She's comfortable at the moment.

Can you tell me what happened to her?

Some sort of accident, was it?

How are you feeling?

Well, I felt better.

So what happened?

I don't know.

Well, can't you remember?

All I can remember is...

sticking my head
out the door and then

the next thing all I
could see was stars.

You're telling me you
don't know who hit you?

Who or what?

You were found by the door, Mrs
McGowan, after you'd fallen from upstairs.

Look, I remember staggering
back inside and then... nothing.

So that's your story
and you're sticking to it?

That happens to be the truth.

And where did these turn up?

One of the dog teams
found them, Sarge.

Clamped in a vice
over at Roby's farm.

Hmm. So he's still in the area, then?

But where, Rowan? Where?

Well, I think Dorothy
McGowan might know, Sarge.

She was definitely hiding something
when I spoke to her this morning.

I think she also knows who att*cked her.

Aye. Derek Ramsey.

Don't make things more
complicated than they are.

Oh, cobblers.

- Alf? - Yeah?

I spoke to Glasgow Police.
What was Ramsey's previous form?

Er, only a couple of minor misdemeanours.

Drunken disorderly, that sort of thing.

Do us a favour, will you?
Check with them again.

See if they've got anything
on Dorothy McGowan.

Could you tell me which bed Mrs
Dorothy McGowan's in, please?

- Your family, are you, sir? - My husband.

Hello again.

What are you doing here?

Well, it isn't a
husband's place to be

his wife's bedside,
when she's no so well.

How did you find out where we were living?

Your mother.

A nice enough woman with such
a loose lip when she's in drink.

- I'm not coming back, are you?
- Who'd have you back?

My money, Dorothy. That's what I want back.

Now, you listen to me, lady.

And you listen good.

Now, I'm already taking
one hell of a risk coming here

and haven't got the time to mess about, OK?

Now, just you tell me
where you've stashed it.

- No! - Dorothy.

Now, I don't want to hurt you
again, hen, but I will if I have to.

In fact, I'd enjoy it.

Now, I'll ask you just once more.

Where's the money, Dorothy?

Where?

I swear to God, Annie, I don't
know what you're talking about.

Please, just leave us alone.

What is going on?

What is going on?

Are you all right, Mrs McGowan?

Well, you struck gold with
that query about Mrs McGowan.

Yeah?

Her husband, Arnold, is a loan shark.

A regular bloodsucker,
according to Glasgow CID.

So, where's Dorothy fitting?

Well, a year ago, she suddenly
vanished with Derek Ramsey,

along with a suitcase
full of Arnold's money.

According to gossip.

Ashfordly Police Station.

Hang on a minute.

It's the hospital.
Mrs McGowan's had a visitor.

Was he after his money, Mrs McGowan?

The money you and Derek scarpered with?

Did you tell him where to find it?

I didn't go find it.

Arnie!

Go getcha!

You're gonna burn in there!

We'll see how you like it, pal!

See how you enjoy it!

All he wanted was a fresh start.

Especially for Lizzie, you know.

There's no place to bring up a wean.

A house with a man like that in it.

With somebody else's money, right, Dorothy?

I'm not proud of what we did.

I never stole a penny in my life before.

You can get pretty sick of
being used as a punch bag.

I mean, it was money
I'd already stolen anyway.

The rates he'd charge people.

And Derek was one of them.

That's how we met.

So, why didn't Arnold
report the theft to the police?

Wouldn't have it
come out in court that

he was bleeding
half the city to death.

Anyway.

That was near Arnie's wee.

You wanted a word, Mrs Watkins?

I did, yes.

It's about the pilfering.

It seems that our
suspicions about Mr

Greengrass have proved,
well, quite unfounded.

Miss Weston caught the real
culprit red-handed yesterday.

So it wasn't the lollipop man?

Two of our eight-year-olds, actually.

Well, where does that leave Mr Greengrass?

Well, see for yourself.

Make sure you get your homework done right.

Yes, bye, Miss Weston.

Hello.

How's Mrs McGowan?

Oh, she's on the mend.

She'll be back home tomorrow.

What'll happen next?

She'll probably get probation.

Oh, congratulations, by the way.

On what?

On your detective work.

Pure luck. I just happened to be in
the cloakroom at the right moment.

Well, the first thing they teach you
at police training school is you have a

slice of luck.

Take the credit anyway.