Locked Down (2021)

[bunniefuu]

[sirens blaring]

[thunder rumbling]

[tablet chimes]

Before you say anything,
I'm not your brother.

I'm your half-brother.

What was that?

Why would you begin
a conversation like that?

Because you are about
to ask me for money,

and when I always say,
"Why should I
give you money?"

You always say,
"Because I am your brother,"

and I never point out
you are my half-brother.

I never say it. But things
happening around here lately...

Hi, Paxton. How are
your erratic head movements?

I ask
because I read an article.

Yeah, they're under control.

How's the, uh,
cement art work?

She just sold a piece
for $,.

A frozen waterfall.

It felt appropriate
for the times.

How is it appropriate
for the times?

You know what?
It doesn't matter.

I was actually calling
to see how you were.

'Cause I heard
it's bad in New York.

It is bad.
They canceled the NBA.

We heard London's
under total lockdown.

I've been furloughed
by the way.

- [David] That's great!
- Yeah.

Now there is literally zero
purpose to my life.

How is Linda?

Yeah, she's somewhere
in the house.

Is there
some type of issue?

Is there an issue?
Let me see.

Convenient lie to avoid
forensic examination

of our domestic circumstances
or tell the truth?

Okay, convenient lie.

No. There is no issue.
We are fine.

Can you tell her
I'm gonna Skype her?

Also, David,
I've sold my motorbike.

You've what?

Yeah, I have a buyer.
He'll pay me

when we are all unlocked

from this f*cking prison
of psychological hell-chains.

f*cking flames
of burning aloneness.

The screw of isolation
until you can't tell

what is your body
and what is furniture.

No possibility
of revving the engine

and riding away. Am I conveying
anything of my mood to you?

Why have you sold your bike?

You are your bike.
Your bike is you.

Yeah, I have sold myself.

I have sold my former self.

I felt sorry for the bike.

It deserved someone who can do
justice to its spirit.

Someone who still
breaks the f*cking rules.

So, you and Linda, what,
you had a fight?

Linda said she was planning
to end our thing,

our relationship,
our whatever this ever was,

because we'd grown apart,

meaning that she had gone up
and I have gone down.

She was planning to end it
before lockdown was announced.

[tablet beeping]

...droplets and moisture
because we were shouting.

I said some things
and she said some things

and now
we are stuck here together

with the things we said

echoing around the house
like f*cking bells ringing.

For two weeks
we are locked together here.

[doorbell ringing]

Anyway. Truth be told,
I just wanted
to hear someone's voice.

- And you chose us?
- Yeah, why not?

What happened to Mike?
Your friend Mike.

Oh, no, no. Mike and I
are no longer speaking.

He crossed...
My delivery!

Crossed an important threshold
when, uh, when he said that

the COVID virus
was the consequence

of the secret release by Jews
of alien DNA

into the
water sprinkling system

of a Chinese golf resort.

[Maria] It looks like
your food has arrived,

- so we'll let you go.
- It's not food,
it's a sandwich.

Yeah, hang in, brother.

- Half-brother.
- [Maria] Tell Linda
I'm gonna call her.

Yeah, I'll leave her a note.
Just to compound the oddness.

[tablet beeps]

[man on TV] The stark reality
of fighting Coronavirus...

...Trafalgar Square in London
usually crowded.

Evidence of social distancing
in action.

In this critically
important time,

the Prime Minister
Boris Johnson himself infected,

but been sharing...

[muffled screaming]

[sighs]

[Skype ringtone]

Maria, hey!
Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Everything's great.

You know, we're staying strong.
Yeah, we just talked to Paxton.

Hmm. Yes, I head. Some of it.
I put a pillow over my head.

He said you had symptoms.

It passed I think. I hope.
I don't know.

Oh, green smoothie.
You must send me that recipe.

It's not a recipe,
it's an action.

You just put the green stuff in
and press the on button.

How are things
with you and Paxton?

Is everything okay?

You know
everything is not okay.

Not only
is everything not okay,

nothing is okay.

Everything is never okay.
Even his name is not okay.

This is him speaking.
He says even his name
is a predictor of doom.

That's how he is lately.

[sighs] He's changed so much.

Oh, we all change.

I mean, Linda, you've evolved,
he's mutated.

He needs some help.

- I read an article...
- Do you know he said
the other day

that any man over
who rides a bus is a failure?

-He rides the bus every day.
Or he used to.
-[Maria talking indistinctly]

- He does it to t*rture himself.
- No man is ever really
fully conscious, not really.

So, I heard
he's selling his motorbike.

That's a big step.

Yeah, we both agreed
that he needed some time,

so he's planning on using
the money from selling the bike

to go to Kazakhstan
to think about his life.

Why Kazakhstan?

We went on a road trip there
ten years ago.

Ten years ago?
A million years ago.

Anyway, now he is stuck here,
and I am stuck here.

- Linda, is there someone else?
- Nope, just me and him.

No, I mean, like,
another man.

- No.
- A woman?

What?

I was just speculating.

Thinking about that night
we came to London
and you and I went too far.

Oh, that was just weed
and curiosity.

We both had orgasms, Linda.

You know they say these calls
aren't really the most secure.

I think
about that night sometimes.

- You do?
- Yeah, don't you?

Mmm... Listen, Maria,
I've been on Skype
and Zoom calls all day.

The office is locked down.
I really gotta
get some sleep.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

- I love you.
- What?

- God.
- [door slams]

Paxton, are you
going somewhere?

Where would I be going?

Why is the hose
in your exhaust?

[laughing]

I was just gonna
take a selfie.

Someone at work texted me
and asked how I was

coping with lockdown.

So I was gonna send
a photo of myself

with the hose shoved
up my helmet by way of reply.

I thought it'd be funny.
[laughs]

An amusing expression
of despair.

You were really
just gonna take a selfie?

Yeah, I had the phone
in my hand.

You weren't gonna
start the engine?

And go where?
You can't go anywhere.

I came in here
and I could smell
the garage and the bike.

And the smell...
it made me very sad
for some reason.

That shelf's covered in oil,
you're gonna get your ass
covered in oil.

- Jesus, what a day!
- Bad?

No, just work.
I had some bad news.

Nothing compared
to... everything.

I really was just gonna
take a selfie, by the way.

"By the way,"
"just so you know,"
"in case you were worried."

Just... just a little game.

Or a rehearsal.

I'm not... Please don't think
I'm looking for anything.

You know Maria just called me
and said that she loves me?

- What?
- I know.

Secrets coming out
all over the place.

You got the key
to get back in?

- No.
- I'll leave the door
open for you.

What's wrong?

You playing
with the hoses and exhausts

and we carry on
as if everything was normal.

I'm not normal lately,
I know that.

I haven't been
sleeping at all.

I've never been normal, but...

I used to be
quite proud of it.
Now, I just...

- Just what?
- I don't know.

I'm just acutely aware
of the inconvenience it causes.

My super analysis
of every grain of sand.

Every word.

Being locked up
is making it worse.

We have to find
some way of getting
through this separately.

We're only together because
we're in the same house.

We can sort of move around
each other until we're free...

- What? What is it?
- Oh, nothing. [clears throat]

Good night.

It's a bit of
Christmas decoration.

It's been there
since Christmas.

My therapist says
I should try to tolerate it.

To use it as a test.

Up until now, I've been able
to live with it,

as a test
to prove my progress.

Well, f*ck progress.

- Why don't you take it down?
- No, my therapist says...

- f*ck the therapist. Paxton...
- You almost did.

Grow up. Take it down.

If it bothers you,
take it down, okay?

Christmas is not exactly
a great memory anyway, is it?

Christmas is not
a great memory.
I agree with you.

Beginning of the end for us,
don't you think?

That was way before Christmas
for me.

Sorry.

Why do people think
honesty is good?

What are you doing
about therapy anyway?

I'm doing it on Zoom.

- My therapist has antlers
on his wall.
- [laughs]

These are extraordinary
circumstances, Paxton.

You can't live with a woman
who has dumped you

and a piece of tinsel
on the ceiling.

- Have we decided
to laugh about all this?
- Why not?

Nothing else
we can do there,
is there?

Do you want a chair?

Sure.

[grunts]

- [Paxton chuckles]
- [claps]

Bravo.

- f*ck! That's better.
- Hang on.

You know, when I saw you
in the garage I thought...

"Was it really me
on the back of your bike
all those years ago?"

Yeah, it was you.

Hanging on and screaming.

Well, that's what
I'm doing now.

Hanging on and screaming,
but you can't hear me.

Nobody can.
Anyway, good night.

Screaming about what?

What are you screaming about?
I'm the one that's screaming!

[woman] Hello, stranger!

- [Linda] Hi.
- How are you?

[Linda] Terrible. You?

Awful.

[Paxton] Hello!

Does anyone here in our lovely
Portland Street prison
want to hear a little poem?

I read a lot of poetry

and I've read even more lately
'cause I can't sleep.

It's actually quite a nice way
to discover

that you're not
the only human being on earth
who's f*cked up.

[Linda] Paxton!

What the f*ck
are you doing?

[Paxton] I'm entertaining
our fellow inmates.

This poem
is called Stand Up!

It's by D.H. Lawrence,
by the way.

"By the way,"
"just so you know,"
"in case you were worried."

All right, here goes.

"Stand up,
but not for Jesus!"

It's a little late for that.

Stand up for justice
and a jolly life.

I'll hold your hat.

Stand up, stand up for justice,
ye swindled little blokes!

Stand up and do some punching,
give 'em a few hard pokes.

Stand up for a new arrangement
for a chance of life all round,

for freedom
and the fun of living,

"break in,
and hold the ground!"

- [people clapping]
- [chuckles]

Thank you.

Sorry if I woke you.

But I am going
slightly mad lately.

My advice to everyone

is to use
these strange times
we're all going through

to steal all the things
that you think life owes you.

[man] Go to sleep,
you bloody tosser!

Yeah, well, if I could
I would.

[man] Hey, leave him be, mate!

And if I come across any other
good poems, I'll share it.

[woman] We love it!

Good night, Portland Street.

[man] Night, night!

[woman] Thank you!

[grunts]

God, please let me sleep.

[glass shatters]

[indistinct conversation]

[girl] I swear to God!

What the f*ck are you doing
in my garden?

You all right?

- We're just gathering these.
- They're just poppies.

They're bulbs of poppies.

All the dealers in our estate
have been arrested,

because they're the only people
out on the streets, innit?

With these poppy bulbs,
you can make a sort of opium.

You just slit the skins
and juice comes out.

How did you know
they were here?

We live in that tower block
up there, bro.

Friend of ours has a telescope.
He's into stars and sh*t.

We've been looking down
on houses for a laugh.

Looking through windows
and then we saw all these
growing in your garden.

What the f*ck are they all
doing growing in my garden?

[girl] I think hippies
used to squat in these houses
in the 's.

I think they grew them
and they just went wild.

How do you refine
the juice?

You don't. You just drip it
onto tobacco
and then smoke it.

Or you can mix it
with Coca-Cola if you want
and drink it.

Yeah, well,
I don't smoke anymore
or drink Coca-Cola,

or do dr*gs of any kind,

but back in the bad old days
I did smoke quite a lot
of heroin.

This is not
as strong as heroin.

It's quite a gentle hit.

- It's organic, bro.
- Organic?

Yeah.

That would explain
the hedgehog.

[laughs] There's a hedgehog
in this garden who is
unusually friendly and relaxed.

Would a very small amount
help you sleep, do you think?

[boy] You sleep like a baby.
Smooths everything out.

- No mean voices in the night.
- No mean voices in the night.

That would be nice.
Well, well, well.

[snores]

[alarm beeping]

[alarm beeping]

[groans]

Paxton!

[groans]

[alarm continues beeping]

Paxton, for f*ck's sake!

[alarm continues]

[exhales]

[laptop chimes]

Hey, Toby!

- Hi.
- Hey, how's the cough?

A bit better I think.
How are you?

I had it I think,
but it's passed.

I hope. [chuckles]
It's like a Valkyrie.

What?

It's a Viking spirit who,
before battles, decides

who will live
and who will die.

Valkyries, uh,
make their choices
with no reason.

No morality,
no good or bad.

It's just so unfair
how some people
get so sick and some don't.

Toby, you're back.
How are you?

Gangster. Thank you.

- Hello!
- Donald!

[laughs] You got a tie on.

One of my father's old ones.

I've become nostalgic
for old-fashioned formality.

On these Zoom things,
I always imagine every man
has an erection.

- Ooh!
- [laughter]

Donald, is that
your house?

Uh, no. I'm at my mother's.
Anthony threw me out.

Oh! That's not allowed,
is it?

We had an awful night,
and everything came out.

We found out we, uh,
hate each other. So...

[laptop chimes]

[Melissa] Hi!

Uh, Melissa.
Hey, how is Italy?
I hear it's bad there.

No, I'm in Sweden.

- What?
- Look.

You can go to bars here.

Hmm. Is anybody
obeying the rules?

[vomiting]

[groans]

[coughs]

[flushing]

After ten years sober,
that was f*cking smart.

[coughs]

Wait, who are we waiting for?

- Timothy, I think.
- Oh, is Timothy okay?

Why wouldn't he be?

Well, he's got
an underlying
health condition.

- Do you know which one?
- No.

He just seemed
like a sort of person

who would have
an underlying health condition.

Shall we just start
without Timothy?

By the way,
I am also wearing shoes.

- [laughs]
- [Linda] Seriously,
we should start.

I have something to say.
Something important.

- [clears throat]
- [cell phone chimes]

Oh, um, hang on.
Oh, it's a message
from Timothy.

- God!
- Has he got it?

"Dear, Linda.
As of : a.m. this morning,

I am resigning my position
at Miracore Media

with immediate effect.
I have had time alone
to think

and I've realized
that what this company does

is just self-indulgent
media bullshit,

supporting corrosive
international capitalism
around the world.

We should be using
our creativity
to save the planet,

not sell handbags
to the wives
of fascist dictators.

"Yours in isolation. Timothy."

Just been watching
David Attenborough
documentaries, I imagine.

Did he snap?

Okay, so there's no need
to wait for Timothy.

Let's get this done.

Sounds awfully grave, Linda.

- [kid] Daddy, Daddy.
- Shh. Daddy's on a call.

[indistinct talking]

Yesterday, I had
a very long Zoom call
with head office in Chicago.

All continents
were represented.

And it seems
that all over the world

the company is facing
the same issues
at this difficult time.

As CEO of Miracore UK,
it is my...

unfortunate duty
to let you know

that there will be
some furloughing of employees
across the board.

And also a number
of compulsory redundancies

effective from today.

I assume the Inuit system
of leaving the old
on the ice will be in play.

Donald, please don't jump
to conclusions.

Linda, what do you mean?

Uh, in normal times,
I would've gathered
everyone into a room...

[Natasha] Everyone?

[Toby shushing]

Everyone on this Zoom call
is on this call

because all of your positions
have been deemed
no longer sustainable,

and as of today your contracts
of employment with Miracore
will be terminated.

Okay.

I'm glad I'm home.

I'm going to feed
the f*cking chickens.

This is really bad, Linda.
How do you sleep?

[kid] Hello!

[softly] Hello.

[kid] Look at my dinosaur.

Daddy...

Malcolm, I thought
being furloughed

meant that the government
pays your wages,

but you don't do any work.

[Malcolm] Yeah, it does,
it does, it does.

But COVID
makes everything different.

So sad. So sad.

All of this is impacting
on everyone
in my pastoral care.

Yeah, but I'm not in
your pastoral care, right?

I work for you.

And all I wanna know is,

if I am furloughed,
why are you asking me
to work?

It's illegal, isn't it?

I'm a Christian man.

We all know that you are
a Christian man.

You say it like I ram it
down your throats.

I do not ram it down
your f*cking throat.

Malcolm, just tell me,
what is it that you want me
to do?

We have a situation, Paxton.

Yeah, I'm leaving this call
unless you tell me.

I sat through your prayer.

I begin every FaceTime
with a prayer.

My choice. Right?
I'm the boss.

Yeah, you are the boss.
So what do you want me
to do, boss?

Due to lockdown, all the major
department stores
in the West End are closing.

BB Pro Freight Services
are among several
freight companies

which have been asked to
transport valuable retail items
from the West End outlets

to secure storage facilities
in shitholes like Dagenham.

The fabric, Paxton,
of our society is torn,
you see that.

Fears of rioting and looting.
Pestilence. Apocalyptic words.

I'm giving you ten seconds
to tell me what it is
you want me to do.

- Ten, nine, eight...
- Because of this crisis,
we urgently need drivers.

- Drivers like you.
- ...seven, six, five...

Department stores
only allow their goods to be
transported by drivers

- who do not
have criminal records.
- ...three, two...

I repeat.

BB Pro Freight Services
have urgent need for drivers

registered to us who do not
have criminal records.

So why are you
talking to me?

I have contracts
to carry valuables
from department stores

across London, and they
all want everything out
in the next four days.

And I only have
two f*cking drivers.

So what's your solution?

Deception. Forgiveness.
Redemption. Bunce.

What the f*ck is bunce?

Old East End word
for cash, Paxton,

in return
for grand deception.

Facilitated by my forgiveness
and your redemption.

All right, get there.
Get there, Malcolm.

I've printed off an ID
with a security level A.

Clean. With your photo on it
and a name.

It is not your name.

I can't officially take you
off furlough and give you
this work,

because you used to be
a bike slag,

so I will have to pretend
you are someone else
and pay you in cash.

You've worked for this company
as a driver for seven years.

And I have never had
a single complaint.

You've only ever driven
low value packages,

but I believe you are a man
who can be trusted.

That I am.

Yeah, I can be trusted.

I mean, what happened
was a long time ago.

Yeah, I don't wanna to know.

No, it was biker versus biker.

The Lord forgives.
BB Pro Freight Services
forgives.

If it wasn't for the f*cking
convictions from that night,

my whole life would've been
radically different.

Two hundred a day in cash.

I don't care about the cash.
I wanna make a deal
with you, Malcolm.

Look, I will do this
on the condition

that when this is all over,
you will consider me
for a clerical position.

My entire life
has been f*cked up

because of things I did
on one night.

My wife...

- [cell phone ringing]
- My wife has grown out of me,

because I am still Mr. f*ck-All
behind the wheel of a van.

I am not stupid.

I read poetry.

I could be someone.

I've got another call,
Paxton.

It is a very busy time,
the West End is going mad.

Will you do it?

All right, if I do this
for you, Malcolm,

I want you to practice
what you preach.

About forgiveness,
and lost sheep and redemption,

all of it, and give me
a chance to come off the road.

Everything
is possible, Paxton.

God bless you.

Selfridges, Thursday.
Harvey Nichols, Friday.
Harrods on Saturday.

- Right, yeah.
- I will e-mail
your full itinerary

and your new identity.

Okay, okay. And after...
After Harrods on Saturday...

God bless you, Paxton.

- [call ends]
- [sighs]

sh*t.

[Skype ringtone on laptop]

Hey, Linda,
how's lockdown?

[chuckles] It's pretty bad.

How's Chicago?

I'm in Vermont.

Yeah, moved the family
out to Vermont.

We're all here crazy happy.

Kids make a lot of noise,
so I got these
new AirPods Pro.

Noise canceling. They work,
like, you literally
can't hear anything.

No, I don't have those.

I can see in your face

that you, uh, spoke
to the guys at Events
and delivered the update.

Update. Yeah.
Yeah, I updated them.

- [clears throat]
- Did you read them
my message?

The stuff
about the Miracore family?

No, no, no, I didn't think
that would translate. Um...

Linda, I wrote that message
from the heart. I really meant
what I said.

I can't believe you didn't
read it out to them.

I didn't think it was
appropriate to say
that "Miracore is a family

and there comes a time
in every family's life

when it's best if some family
members fly the nest."

Why is that not appropriate?

Because they're not
flying the nest, are they?

They're being
thrown out of the nest

into the long grass
under the tree.

There's no tree.
What tree?

It's your nest, Guy.
You came up with the analogy
of the nest.

So there has to be a tree.

Do you have
a temperature, Linda?

Um, there are two big events
which were already set up
when lockdown began.

One was at Westfield,

the other one was
the Eve Schwarz store takeover
at Harrods.

But both Westfield and Harrods
have closed their door.

I love Harrods.

Yeah, I love Harrods, too.

I worked there for five years,
they were the happiest
of my life.

Anyway, the launch
of Eve Schwarz collection
was going to be huge,

so I chose Harrods
because of its size
and level of security.

You chose?
I thought Melissa was
head of events strategy.

Yeah. Sometimes I questioned
her... It doesn't matter.

You've been carrying that
department a long time.

Yeah, well, they were family,
weren't they?

And that's what
you do with family.

You carry them until
you get a direction
from Chicago to drop them,

and then
you dutifully drop them.

Anyway, at Harrods,
we have five million dollars
worth of jewelry,

clothing and accessories
already installed
for the catwalk

and store takeover
under Miracore liability.

And that includes
the Harris Diamond

which was to be
the centerpiece of the show.

The Harris Diamond is under
our insurance liability?

It's, um...

It's safe in the Harrods'
secure vault, but, yes.

I suggested to the people
at Eve Schwarz

that we put everything into
Harrods' secure storage
as quickly as possible

[chuckles lightly]
until this, um...

Uh, until this situation
is ended.

But we have a problem
with insurance. You see...

Uh...

So, Eve Schwarz's
insurance policy

means that
they are not allowed
to store their merchandise

except under their own
corporate supervision.

So the merchandise

will have to be
taken out of the store
in secure transportation.

Anyway, the stores
are allocating for collection.

We have Westfield on Friday,
Harrods on Saturday.

And then we discuss
your role and your salary.

- [mouthing]
- There'll be a lot
of new responsibilities.

-Things are changing.
-That's excellent news.
Thank you.

[in British accent]
Say hello to London.

- Enjoy Vermont.
- [in normal accent] You bet.

What? Oh, f*ck! Quinn!

[call ends]

[laughs]

- [knock on door]
- [Paxton] I'm going to the land
of the Walking Dead

to buy some milk.

Do we need anything else?

I say the word "we" without
any attempt to suggest
a unified entity,

but there's no point in us
both going separately
to get our own provisions.

It's getting rough
out there.

And increasingly, I think

people like me
who have spent time
in real prison

are thriving
in this new reality.

Oh, you know what, Paxton,
f*ck it. Come in.

All right, Paxton, here it is.
In addition to milk,
I need cigarettes.

- What?
- I was trying to hide
that I'm smoking again,

but since we're no longer
together, it doesn't really
matter, does it?

You are smoking?

Yes. I plan to carry on
just until this thing is over.

It's magnificent, actually.

And when did you
start smoking again?

Just before Christmas.

Why?

I started smoking again
when I went to Paris.

- You went to Paris?
- Yes, I went to Paris.

I didn't tell you
I went to Paris.

Michael Essien invited me
to Paris and I went.

Okay, my therapist

identifies these moments
as confession avalanche.

Who the f*ck
is Michael Essien?

He is the founder
of Miracore,

seventh wealthiest man
in Germany.

- And you went
to Paris with him?
- Not quite.

He invited the CEOs
from six countries

to come to Paris for his
th birthday celebration.

Do you mind
if I light this thing?
I've put it out twi...

And, you know what?
Actually, it's my choice.
Why am I even asking?

When I got to the hotel,
there was this
banqueting suite

and I met six other CEOs
just like me,

only I had just
become a CEO,

so I didn't realize exactly
who I was until I saw
the other CEOs,

and then I was like,
"Oh, so that's who
I am now."

And we sat around this table,
drinking champagne,

and the conversation was
lots of little voices
saying "yes,"

and one big voice
saying "good,"
Michael Essien's voice.

And then the big voice said,
"Emerging markets" and I...

You know how sometimes
when people say something
abstract, I actually see it?

Well, we did smoke
a lot of weed
in the bad old days.

When he said
"Emerging markets,"
I saw this...

thing, this shape appearing
from under the table
and swimming around our legs.

I think I actually did
have a temperature that night.
But, anyway,

then he said "Cigarettes
and pharmaceuticals,"

and I drank some champagne
and someone
said "facilitators,"

that is people who persuade
governments that products
are safe and okay.

And the big voice said
that facilitators were now
a huge link in the chain

and I saw this big chain
dripping seaweed

and then the big voice
raised a toast to corruption,

and everybody laughed
ironically, including me.

Paxton, look at me!

And this thing, this shape,
it was swimming around
my f*cking legs

and then the big voice said,
emerging market

were now some big percentage
of Miracore's profits,

and so there would have to be
rationalization in Europe.

And I drank some water,
because I felt a little sick,

but also like I might pass out,
but then the waiter said
"brandy," so I said yes.

And, so, the rationalization
was planned right there

at that table in Paris
before Christmas.

And the nice people
that I fired earlier today,

they weren't fired because
of a virus, like I told them,

that was a lie. They were fired
because of this...

this thing, this shape,

that swam with me
all the way back to my room,

and to get rid of it, I used
the disgusting glass swan
to smash a full length mirror,

and rather then
walk across broken
glass all night,

I decided to take
the last train home
to London,

and when I got
to the Gare du Nord station,

a homeless woman came up to me
and asked me for a cigarette.

I told her that I didn't smoke,
but I decided to buy her
a pack anyway,

because I thought that maybe
kindness might make me
feel better

about what I had become.
And when she lit
her cigarette,

I decided
to have a cigarette, too.

And when I drew in
the smoke,

the thing stopped swimming.

So I sat down on the bench
and I waited for my train.

And that is why
I started to smoke again.

But... to complete the answer
to your original question,

in addition to milk
and cigarettes, we need bread

and f*cking wine.

God!

God what?

Well, it sounds like
you did have a temperature.

You know, they say this thing
was around before Christmas.

Paxton, no!
It's not about the virus.

It's about me realizing
who I am and what I do
for a living.

Although a complete
re-examination of one's life

does seem to be
a COVID side effect.

- You smashed a mirror?
- Yeah.

Yeah, because I was in it.

I also smashed
a champagne bottle,

some champagne glasses,
and I was about to smash
a glass horse and jockey,

but then
I decided to keep it,

but then I left it
on the f*cking train.

Basically, I went, what you
used to call, "Full Viking."

In fact,
when I broke the mirror

and I saw my furious face
in the cracked glass,

-I thought of you.
-[chuckles] That's very sweet.
Thank you.

Why didn't you tell me?

It was the onset of winter.
Our winter.

And anyway,
I didn't tell anybody,

because if you
don't tell anybody,
then it didn't happen.

- Did you get a bill
for the mirror?
- Paxton...

Paxton, f*ck the mirror.
It's not about the mirror,
it's about...

Previously, at this point,

- I would've hugged you.
- No, really,
there's no need.

And anyway, besides,
you're going shopping.

So, uh, milk, bread,
wine, cigarettes.

- And probably eggs.
- I'm gonna put white flour
on the list.

I'm gonna make bread.

- Please don't.
- You know...

what you just said
wasn't a confession.

I didn't say
it was a confession.

'Cause you didn't do
anything wrong.

No, it was an explanation.

You did everything right.

You wanna hear a confession?

This morning I overslept,
because last night
I took opium.

[laughs] Yes!

Yes.

Much worse
than your cigarettes.

I licked opium off little
green bulbs from the garden.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.

Our garden
is full of heroin.

You go beyond the washing line,
it's like the Helmand Province.

After ten years, Paxton?

Smoking isn't
so great either.

You know, I've had
some setbacks lately.

Yeah, well,
you know what, Paxton?

You know that green smoothie
that I have in the mornings
since Paris,

there's two sh*ts
of vodka in it.

- Just two but...
- You are lying.

No, I'm not.

Not every morning,
but some mornings I do it.
I have done it.

You think I'm so happy
and normal is 'cause
I keep getting promoted.

People get confused.

No, I've never accused you
of being happy
and normal, Linda.

'Cause I'm not! All right?
I see concepts.

I should've been an artist.

You are unhappy
in an outwardly "happy",

let's pretend it's all fine"
female way,

and I am unhappy
in an obviously thwarted,

- unfulfilled, castrated
male way.
- I can't. I can't.

Do not go down
this road again, okay?

Just go to the store.
Milk, bread, wine,
cigarettes, eggs.

Yeah, and f*ck you,
I'm buying flour.

Fine! Wait.
Do you have a mask?

No, I don't
have a mask, no.

Well, you'll have to tie
something around
your mouth and nose.

f*ck!

My old bandana.

Hmm. Yeah, well,
it's no longer
a symbol of rebellion.

It's now government advice.

You were wearing that
when I met you in Sturgis,
South Dakota.

I thought you looked
like a desperado.

No, I was just trying
to get the dust
out of my mouth.

Don't spoil it.

Don't forget the milk
and the eggs, Desperado.

[imitates g*n whooshing]

[piano music playing]

Oi! Move forward.

Oi!

Go ahead then.

[Paxton] f*ck off.

Oi. How many asses
have you got?

[man] f*ck off!

[piano music continues]

[mouse clicking]

[knock on door]

Paxton.

Hearing the story about Paris
out loud, it made me think...

When lockdown's over,
I'm going to think about
leaving Miracore.

[exhales]

Why are you telling me?

[ringing]

[sighs]

You called?

Oh, Lord who art in heaven,
I beseech you,

look favorably upon
Paxton and myself

and forgive us
the sin of deception

which we are jointly
about to commit

in pursuit of his ultimate
redemption. Amen.

Amen.

Every prayer is tailored
to suit the person
I am calling.

Either it's me writing
the words or it's Jesus.

What do you want, Malcolm?

I've got your fake ID sorted.

Virginia is delivering
the ID card.

I wanted to make sure
you'd be in.

You know what, Malcolm?
Everybody's in.

And I've sent you
your new name.

I texted it to you.
It's on your phone.

Okay.

A new name for the beginning
of a new life.

And my new name is...

Edgar Allen Poe.

[Malcolm] Yeah.

Yeah, uh...

Yeah. Malcolm, I obviously
can't use this name.

Why not?

I'm hoping this is a joke,

but I know you,
so it's probably not.

What joke?

Okay.

Edgar Allan Poe is the name
of a famous,

like a...

like a very famous
American novelist and poet.

Never heard of him.

Well, I assure you,

Edgar Allan Poe is actually
a very famous

American writer
who I'm actually
very fond of.

It was me that came up
with Edgar.

It's my grandad's name.

So who came up
with the "Allen Poe" part?

Martin in dispatch.

f*ck.

Martin in dispatch
hates me.

He's deliberately
suggested this
to make my life strange

and unbearable.

Well, the card's
already been laminated.

Malcolm, I can't go into
expensive department stores

in the West End, right,

and expect them
to entrust me

with valuable clothing
and jewelry,

and tell them that my name
is Edgar Allen f*cking Poe!

If he's so famous,
how come I've never
heard of him?

'Cause you don't
read books!

I read the Good Book.

But he's not
in the Bible, obviously.
He's an American.

Anybody here ever heard
of a writer

called Edgar Allan Poe?

No?

No one. There you go.

[Paxton] I know there's
no one there.

They are all
working from home.

Martin's here.

This was his idea!

Well, the card's
already been laminated.

[sighs]

All right, look, I grant you
that %

of the security guards
working the night shift

in the West End
would not have heard

of Edgar Allan Poe.

Basically dealing with robots.

But I am an unlucky person.

Fate has a way
of doing these little
experiments on me.

Card's already laminated

and Martin has
a new name badge
made for your uniform.

It's all in the envelope.

By some chance,

choosing the name
of a gloomy,

introspective peddler
of darkness is actually
quite appropriate

to my character,
but please...

just give me a new card
under a different name.

The robots don't give
a f*ck about the name,

they just look
at the photo.

You are due at Selfridges'
loading bay B

at hours tonight.

Wear your uniform
with your name tag.

Flash your ID.

Look, if you want
to back out,
say so now.

I can't get into
trouble again, all right?

This could be construed
as deception

and attempted robbery.

You counted me down,

I'll count you down,
you fucker.

Five, four, three, two...

f*ck! All right, all right.
I'll do it.

Good.

Details are on the text.
God bless you, Paxton.

[call ends]

[doorbell chiming]

[sighs] No need to sign.
I know him.

Are you his other half?

[Linda] Yes, yes, I am.

[Virginia] He's so dry,
isn't he?

Yes, he is. [laughs]

[Virginia] Hello, Paxton.

I was just saying
you're very funny.

Yes, I am.
I am hilarious.

[Virginia] We think
he's too clever
to be driving vans.

We don't know why
he doesn't get
a better job.

Well, that's easy.

It's 'cause ten years ago,
I b*at a man senseless

in a bikers' roadhouse
in Watford.

[laughs] See?

He's always saying
silly things.

He's so dry.

[Paxton] Give my regards
to Martin,
would you, Virginia?

- [Virginia] Mmm-hmm.
- Tell him
this won't be forgotten.

Okay.

See you when
the madness is over.

Yeah, well, for some of us,
the madness never ends.

[Virginia laughs]

[door closes, locks]

Never forget,
the man you b*at senseless
deserved it.

Please don't talk about
people deserving things.

If it wasn't for you,
a little man called
Archie Bruce would be dead.

What you want,
justice next?

I know that you had
a bad break,

- but going forward...
- "Going forward"?

When lockdown is over
and we are apart,

you have to stop believing
that fate is against you.
Okay?

You have to stop believing
the name Paxton

is a precursor of doom.

Yes, well,
my name isn't Paxton.

Yeah.

[steam hisses]

[Linda groans]

Paxton, you can't
go through with this,
you're gonna get caught.

If you're doing it for cash,
I'll give you the cash.

I am not doing it
for the cash.

I'm doing it
for the opportunity
to have a better life.

But why am I telling you?

[chuckles]

[sighs] f*ck.

[rain pattering]

[man] Paxton.

[motorbike revving
in distance]

[Paxton exhales]

[brakes screeching]

Oh!

Oh.

f*ck 'em.

And Linda seemed
kind of detached
from the whole thing.

Hey.

Detached?

Hi, Linda.

We were talking about you.

We were all just saying

that we love that
you're always so professional.

Detached from what
whole thing?

I was saying
you handled the situation

with Events without too much
feeling getting in the way.

You fired them well.

I did. Thank you.

Good.

Linda, is that
a glass of wine?

Oh, yes, yeah, it is.

Well...

it says wine on the label

but it tastes like something
used to clean something
off of a surface.

Paxton chose it.

Who's Paxton?

[Linda] Mmm, anyway...

we have a problem,
so shall we get on?

Hello, Martin.

Hello, Edgar.

You know,
from my observation of you

since I joined the company,

you represent the longest
and most well-managed

nervous breakdown
in history.

Why don't you go
somewhere warm
and count your grievances?

I've disinfected the van
for you.

Everything you need
is in there.

You know, when Malcolm
told me he was giving you
an A security clearance,

I advised him against it.

BB normally keep
lowlifes like you

away from high-value cargo
for a reason...

Temptation.

You forgot to put the keys
to the van inside the envelope,
Martin.

I've read your
human resources profile.

My personal record is meant
to be confidential,

but for your
personal record, Martin,

I'm a different person now.
Give me the f*cking keys.

Perhaps Malcolm
didn't tell you.

The estimated value
of tonight's cargo

out of Selfridges
is £,.

The value of your collection
from Harvey Nichols on Friday

is just under £,.

But on Saturday night,

when you go to Harrods,

you'll be driving away
from the world's most glamorous
department store

with jewelry and accessories
in your van

worth over
three million pounds.

Now think on this.

You'll be wearing
a mask and gloves,

you'll be using
a false identity.

Outside, the streets
will be empty.

Store security
on quarter staff

with big holes
caused by absences.

What more could
a lowlife need

to pull off
the perfect robbery.

You refer to me as "lowlife"
one more time...

You'll what?
Revert to type.

Okay, here goes,
one more time.

Lowlife.

You know, Malcolm told me
that if you do okay
in the next few nights,

he's gonna put you
in customer services.

Goin' out
and meeting clients.

'Cause you're so funny

and you're so dry
and you make
the girls laugh.

Whereas I've been stuck
in dispatches

for seven and a half years.

You have to stop thinking
the whole world's
against you, Martin.

Do it, Paxton.

Take the opportunity
that fate has given you.

[wind howling]

Exactly how much product
do Eve Schwarz
have in Harrods?

Uh, approximately
three million pounds'
jewelry and accessories.

Harrods wants everything
out of the store

and it's
our responsibility...

Oh, you've frozen, Linda.

[Linda] Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you,
just your face is frozen.

You've got this look
of exasperation.

Uh, someone's gonna
have to go into Harrods
and pack the valuables up

and check the inventory
and count everything out.

And it's gonna have
to be someone that we trust.

Someone who is familiar
with the stock,

and knows how
the Harrods system works.

So that means, inevitably,
it's going to be me, isn't it?

Okay, but there's this,
another second reason
for this call.

Michael Essien has decided.
He wants to give you
a promotion.

[woman]
He wants to bring you home.

Back to New York
to run the East Coast.

Uh...

Wow, God. Um...

Exciting.

A unexpected
turn of events

and cheap wine
don't pair well together.

Um, I'm gonna have to, uh,
really think about this.

Uh, right, good night.

Yeah, thank you.

I mean... [hesitates]

- [man] Linda, it's exciting...
- [line disconnects]

[Linda exclaims]

A frozen look
of exasperation.

[man on radio]
...and that is his second son,
Carl Philipp Emauel Bach

and here's his Symphony No. .

[classical music
playing on radio]

[clanging]

It's just that after
our call last night,

we became worried about
Paxton's state of mind.

We worry that
he might implode or explode.

[Maria] Knowing Paxton,
he'll probably implode
rather than explode.

What's the difference?

[Maria] When you implode,
you withdraw
within yourself,

when you explode,
you impose yourself
on the outer world.

David, for example,
when he gets angry,
he implodes.

When I get angry,
I explode.

- I can also explode
if I have to.
- Rarely.

[chuckles] You've obviously
never seen me
in business meetings.

Well, actually I have.
Since lockdown.

[David] You've heard me
through the wall,
you haven't seen me.

[Maria] Okay, then,
I haven't heard you explode.

I've actually been
very surprised

about how submissive you are
in meetings.

- Submissive?
- You're the boss, David,
you should act like the boss.

- Anyway, just to reassure you,
Paxton's okay.
- [indistinct argument]

In fact, Paxton maybe
getting a promotion.

Linda, are you
drinking alone?

No, I've got three firemen
waiting for me in the kitchen.

Since lockdown, David has
been drinking so much more.

Yes, David,
isn't it wonderful?

We now keep a record.
We count the bottles.

- I don't care.
- Your body cares.

Your body counts the bottles
and keeps an inventory
in you liver.

David, my fellow drinker,
I'd like to tell you
a secret.

- What secret?
- You know, Linda,

there have been
many occasions
in my life

where I've had
a few glasses of wine
and in the next morning,

I woke up like,
"Golly. Wow.
I wish I hadn't said that."

Oh, I've done that
so many times, too.

You know, my mantra is,
secrets and wine

- don't go great together.
- Let her tell me the secret.

I think he's gonna
like this secret.

I think you're gonna
like this secret, David,
very much.

Something he's gonna like,
you don't know.

- No, he might not.
- What the f*ck are you two
talking about?

- [Linda] The secret is this.
- He might not be in a place

where it's okay.
He watches Fox.

It is I who am buying
Paxton's motorbike.

[David] What?

When he said he was
selling it,

I arranged a dealer
to buy it anonymously.

I'm gonna buy it
and give it back to him.

My parting gift.

For a while I've known
I had to leave him.

But...

But losing the bike, yeah,
that's too much.

And the bike means
something to me, too.

You know, youth.

Cigarettes. Bad, bad wine
chosen by Paxton.

[sighs]

- [David] Wow, that's...
- Linda, that's awesome.

But here's the thing, David.
I want you to tell him

that it's you
who is buying the bike

and giving it back to him.
I don't want him to know
that it's me.

[David] Why?

It'll hurt him less.

He really
is quite prehistoric.

[breathes heavily]

I'm a bit drunk
and I hate people

who get emotional
on these things, so...

[call ends]

[exhales]

[sobbing]

f*ck.

[saucepans clanging]

[woman] Making noise
for the NHS.

[man on radio]
We've got Beethoven's
Piano Concerto No. .

[horn honking]

- [Paxton] Whoo!
- [classical music playing]

[yelling]

Whoo!

[horn honking]

[yelling]

[people cheering]

Hey.

Couldn't sleep.

If the wine didn't work,
go and lick the garden.

[Linda chuckles]
How was it tonight?

Every security person I met
was under the age of ,

and every one of them
was too busy
playing Fortnite

to fully acknowledge my ID.

Anyway, I think
for the young generation,
great literature is dead.

I could have had an ID card
with William Shakespeare
on it.

[chuckles] How many more
pick-ups do you have?

Um, tomorrow,
Harvey Nichols

and then,
Saturday, Harrods.

[gulps]

[coughs] Harrods?
Saturday night?

It's all gone mad
out there.

One of the security guards
was telling me about
franchise managers

are taking out diamond rings
and watches in plastic bags

and getting into Ubers.

What are you
taking out of Harrods?

I don't know.

Martin says
it's over three million
pounds worth.

No co-drivers
'cause of COVID.

Carrying it to where?

Uh, the docket says Heathrow.
Ten o'clock flight
to New York.

Harrods to Heathrow,
Saturday night,

three million pounds,
ten o'clock flight.

Look, there's the hedgehog.

Oh, no, he's gone.

[rain pattering]

Ah, he's gone.

How was your evening?

Okay, um, Paxton.
Here it is.

You can't
do that pick-up
at Harrods on Saturday.

You really can't.

What are you talking about?

Okay, do you remember
once I asked you,

do you believe in God,
and you said that

you believe that he's busy
on another project,

but occasionally
he puts his head
around the door?

Well, I think this may be
one of those occasions,

'cause God or fate or the virus
or somebody put our paths
on the cross.

[inhales]

On Saturday, I will be
in Harrods packing up
the cargo

that you are due to carry.

f*ck.

What are you
talkin' about? I...

I have to do the pick-up.

If you do,
you will be caught.

It doesn't matter
what name you're using.

It's a fake name
and I have implemented
cross-checks.

You won't make it
past the door.

I know,
because it's my system
that will stop you!

I'm sorry. And what the f*ck,
don't even begin.

I can't f*cking
get anywhere!

I mean...

Can't you just tell them
that you know me?

That...

That you know
I can be trusted.
That I am your...

That I was your partner.

- What?
- It doesn't work like that.

And I...

Since joining Miracore
three years ago,

I haven't told anyone
I have a partner.

Partly because I wanted
to keep work separate.

Yeah, but mostly because
you were embarrassed

to have a partner
that drives a van.

Yes. All of the above.
I... [exhales]

But now,
I am looking at myself.

Since lockdown,
I'm looking back at myself

like that was then
and this is now.

Well, good for you, Linda,

but if I don't
make this collection
on Saturday night,

then, not only will Malcolm
not promote me,

he will fire me.

I could always
start dealing heroin.

Lowlife is lowlife.

No job. No bike.

No you.

When I worked at Harrods,
I had so much fun.

I knew everyone.
Everyone knew me.

Most of them
still work there...

Is there any possibility
we might get back to me
for a moment?

I mean, I'm the one
whose life is f*cked.

No, no, this is about you.

All right, I know
all the security guards,
everyone.

- I know the security systems.
- So?

So there is a way for you
to make your pick-up
at Harrods

and deliver to Heathrow
without getting caught.

You will get your promotion
and I will get
my stock removed

and no one will know.

But we will be
breaking the law.

So you're gonna have to do
absolutely everything
I tell you to do.

[alarm ringing]

[Michael] Michael Morgan.
Acting Deputy Head,
Harrods' Events Security.

Yes, you are
in my old department.

How's life at Harrods?

I only just joined.
I used to be
in the Royal Navy.

Oh, quite a change then.

Not really. No, Harrods
is like a big ship.

[Linda] Oh. Okay.

I mean, there are,
obviously, huge differences.

Of course.

Yeah, and not just in terms
of the shape of the building

or the fact that
it doesn't float.

- You know, it's...
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the working environment
must be very different,
I imagine.

Yes, it is.
Lot of women here.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Yeah, on the ship,
there was only four.

And, uh, two of them
were called Karen.

Called them Karen one
and Karen two.

I think Kate's
meant to be joining us?

- Kate Smith,
yes, from Events.
- Oh.

When I knew her,
she was Kate Wiley.

She must have
gotten married.

Yeah, she did get married,
yeah, but it all went
horribly wrong, I think.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

What happened?

I don't know.
They don't talk to me
about that sort of thing.

- [laptop chimes]
- Linda!

Katie!

Oh my God,
Oh, my God. How are you?

Oh, my gosh. You know,
I'm surviving.

Linda, you have gone off
like a rocket!

- Oh, stop.
- I mean, my God.

When they said
CEO Miracore,

I thought, "Okay, God,
some bald man,"

- but then I saw your name.
- [Linda laughs]

Linda was just asking
what went wrong
with your marriage. She...

- was just askin'.
-No. No, no, no.
I wasn't. I didn't.

When a man is shorter
than you

and then suddenly decides

to let his beard grow
very, very long

and then becomes obsessed
with so called "white magic,"

it can just get very creepy
very quickly.

- [Linda chuckles]
- Anyway, what can we
do for you?

[Linda] I have an update about
the Eve Schwarz clear-out
on Saturday.

You see, all the secure
freight companies
have been booked

and it looks like
our logistics department
was late to the party.

Eve Schwarz, Miracore.
Here it is.

They've booked
a freight company that
I've never used before,

so that's why I'm anxious.

Lime green is the color
and, uh...

[Katie] So you're anxious
about the freight company?

It's gonna be
green arrows pointing...

So if it's okay with you,

I know the Harrods
security system

and I'd like
to run the checks
on the driver myself.

Oh, no, no,
that's Imran's job.
That's...

Do you remember Imran, Linda?

I love Imran...

Imran is now head
of Events security.

He's Michael's boss.

You got any questions.
I can handle everything.

Let me text him now.

Don't, I'm gonna be the one
with the arrows. So...

[knock on door]

[door opens]

Okay. Done.

Tomorrow, I'll run you
through the system myself

and then get you
into the store.

After that,
what can go wrong?

Hey, great. Thanks.

I really appreciate
you doing this for me.

- What's the matter?
- I don't know.

Days are passing quickly.

When I woke up this morning,

it really hit me
for the first time.

The reality of what's
happening hit me.

The lockdown
will eventually end.

Then...

the love of my life
will be gone.

Paxton, you will move on
from this. You will heal.

There'll be a huge hole
in my life.

You'll change and grow.
And...

Eventually you'll...

you'll meet someone else.

You were talking about
the bike, weren't you?

Yeah. Why?

[chuckles] The bike is one
of the loves of my life.

And I am one of the holes?

Obviously you're
the biggest hole.

Oh, why, thank you.

[Paxton laughs]

I was gonna take
the bike out today.

The streets
are completely deserted.

I was gonna call it
"Lockdown-one-last-ride."

I thought maybe...

Oh, no, I can't
go with you, Paxton.

No. I have
an important meeting.

An open road
and a broken heart.

Don't k*ll yourself.

- Linda!
- Michael.

How are you coping?

You know, it's been
quite difficult.

- [laughs] I can imagine.
- Mmm.

- [motorbike engine starts]
- You know, I'm locked up
on a mountaintop

with only eagles and bears
and my family for company.

[Linda whispers]
Please don't k*ll yourself.

What?

I said it must be nice
to have time to yourself.

Anyway, before we get on
to the exciting
business of you

and your big decision
to come home to New York,

the good news is that
we have found a buyer
for the Harris Diamond.

Uh, actually,
I haven't decided to
come home to New York.

The buyer saw the diamond
on the virtual presentation

that you put together
ahead of the store takeover.

That's great. Who is it?

[laughs]
In our new world, Linda,

one does not ask who.
He's anonymous.

But I can tell you this.
He's, um...

A very unpleasant member
of a very unpleasant family

who run a very
unpleasant country
in a very unpleasant way.

Oh.

He is facilitating Miracore
in his country

and so I've brokered
the purchase of the diamond
personally.

Harrods themselves
will have nothing
to do with him,

so I have acted
as go-between.

Hurray for us, no?

Yes, hurray for us.

Uh, will he be wanting
to pick up the diamond
in person?

He is not allowed
into the UK.
Something to do with, um...

Money laundering?
Human rights abuses?

Anyway,
the big question, Linda,

the issue at hand here
is the future of Linda.

When will you
be coming home?

Um...

Well, I've decided
to leave my decision
about New York

until after lockdown
is lifted.

- Okay.
- I have lots of ties
in London.

Uh-huh. I was told
that you're single.

[chuckles]

Actually,
that was never true,
but actually now it is.

The fact that you are single
is one of the reasons I want
you to come to New York.

I'm planning to get to know
more about you.

You...

You fascinate me, Linda.

So tough on the outside,

but inside,

are you tough?

Do you remember
when you came to Paris?

That evening,
after the meeting,

I was going to take you
out to dinner.

I was actually going to try
to seduce you that night.

Well, I can only speculate
what kind of evening
that might have been.

But I suspect it would have
involved broken glass.

Anyway, uh, should I
send the diamond

to this probable
mass m*rder*r's home

or should I send it straight
to his t*rture chamber?

What?

Where would you like me
to send the diamond?

Ah, send it to New York.

Um, because of COVID,
it will be
couriered directly

to a safe vault
in Wall Street.

There'll be no one
to check it there,

so please make sure
that the verification papers
are in the box.

Got that?

- Um...
- For many of our
new wave of clients,

the act of acquisition
is an end in itself.

Okay. See you
in New York, Linda.
Take care.

Well, I...

[call ends]

♪ Stand and Deliver ♪

♪ I'm the dandy highwayman ♪

♪ Who you're too scared
To mention ♪

♪ I spend my cash
On looking flash ♪

♪ And grabbing
your attention ♪

♪ The devil take your stereo
And your record collection ♪

♪ The way you look
You'll qualify ♪

♪ For next year's
Old age pension ♪

♪ Stand and deliver
Your money or your life ♪

♪ Try and use a mirror
No b*llet or a Kn*fe ♪

[siren blaring]

[Linda screams]

♪ No b*llet or a Kn*fe ♪

[Linda]
Don't be ridiculous, Linda.

[panting]

[reporter on TV]
A shortage of medical masks,

people are making their own
from old clothing.

But the WHO said
it doesn't know
whether homemade masks...

[Linda] Hey.

- Where'd you go?
- [Paxton exhales]

Peckham Rye.

- Why?
- I don't know.

What do you mean,
you don't know?

I was just driving
really, really fast, [laughs]

because I was being chased
by the police.

- What?
- I was playing
a new lockdown game.

Green for stop,
red for go.

f*ck!

Did they get
your license number?

No, I'm too fast for 'em.

I'm a streak of light
on an empty road
in a deserted city.

I'm the last man alive.

I let the road direct me
and I achieved that
moment of transcendence

where the bike becomes
part of your body.

I found myself in South London
on some sort of urban farm
with a petting zoo

and I hid among the goats.

Remember the goat
was my totem animal
when we were pagans.

I sat with the goats
and then resumed my journey
as the police cars drove past.

I was in Peckham.

I bought you cigarettes.

And I had one myself.

My first real, real one
in ten years.

And you were right,
tobacco tastes like youth!

And real is real,
and real tobacco
is me really,

and I want another one
right now

and I'm gonna have one.

[breathes heavily]

[indistinct talking on TV]

You have a look in your eyes
I haven't seen in a long time.

I don't mean
to frighten you.

I'm not frightened.

Remember I told you
about the glass horse
and jockey in Paris?

No, I'm still
with the goats.
They had blue eyes.

I held the horse and jockey
by the jockey

and swung it around and...

And I remembered how it felt
to be a rider

and to feel like
you're a part of the thing
that you are riding.

It's a sexual feeling.

Yeah, it is.

[exhales] I now wish
I'd come with you.

Really?

Paxton,

for a long time,
I've known that
our relationship was over.

And for a long time,
the only unbroken thread
between us has been sex.

Go on.

I'm finding this moment
difficult because...

I made a vow
this wouldn't happen,

so could you just
take the leather jacket off

and go hold a tea towel
or something?

- Hold a tea towel?
- Or buy some milk,
it would help me.

- We have milk.
- Or bake bread. That would
definitely k*ll the moment.

I just want to get
on my bike and ride

and f*ck the world.

Okay, Paxton,
here it is.

Probably as a result
of lockdown,

you have a mad urge
to ride your motorbike
through red lights.

And as of two hours ago,
I have a mad urge

to steal a diamond
worth three million pounds

from a mass m*rder*r

and quit my job
and become an artist.

[snickers] What?

But I think
the most practical thing

we can do to get this
madness out of our system

is that I break my vow
and we go upstairs
right now

and have sex.

"Lockdown-one-last-ride."

Goats, now this.

What a f*cking day.

[classical music playing]

Hi. Yeah, she's, uh,
she's just changing.
[chuckles]

Oh, by the way,

you ever heard of a poet
called Edgar Allan Poe?

- What?
- Yeah, never mind.

All right. One second.

[man on radio]
You're listening to
Drive Time with Dominic.

And this is
George Frideric Handel.

[classical music playing]

[automated voice on phone]
Please hang up or press
the hash key for more options.

Uh, Linda, I'm just calling
to say that

I know this afternoon
didn't mean anything,

but I want you to know
that it would have
felt like, uh...

like South Dakota

that afternoon
when it rained.

And also, I have
this bizarre memory

that just before we strayed
from the path
of righteousness,

you said something
about stealing a diamond.

[Paxton over phone]
...you said something
about stealing a diamond.

Did I imagine that?

- [Linda] Oh, God!
- [woman speaks indistinctly
over phone]

Thank you.

No, Grandma, I am not
seriously considering it.

[alarm ringing]

f*ck.

[alarm ringing]

[reporter on TV]
This is where the patients
usually recover post-surgery.

But now, it's needed for
COVID- overflow from
intensive care.

Hospitals are having
to adapt their spaces
and practices

to be able to deal
with Coronavirus.

[nurse on TV]
I've been a nurse in ICU
for years

- and I've never seen...
- [TV shuts off]

All right.

Big Saturday. Harrods.

The grand deception.

You have to tell me
exactly what it is
we have to do.

Paxton...

[grunts softly]

Sit down. Wait there.

This is just us organizing
what it is that
we're gonna do, okay?

It's nothing else.

Why, what else
would it be?

Nothing. Why do you ask?

Are you okay?

Me? I am okay.
I am intensely okay
and normal.

Okay. Background.

Harrods. The top part
is the public area.

But below ground,
there are seven floors.

Floors where merchandise
is stored

and lots of tunnels

where expensive items
such as jewelry

are transported
to secure elevators.

All grown up
and glamorous above

and efficient
and scary below.

Security at Harrods
is unbelievably tight,

it would be impossible
to get inside

to actually
steal something.

Steal?

Who's talking about
stealing anything?

Everything is normal.
Paxton, stop being weird.

It's not me being weird.

I mean, you clearly appear
to have a hidden agenda,

which is
not really that hidden,
but I don't know what it is.

Also, you've got
a smudge above your eye.

Did you get my message
on your phone last night?

About South Dakota?

And about a diamond.

Paxton, what is
the matter with you?

- There's nothing
the matter with me.
- Seriously?

Yesterday, you were talking
about stealing a diamond.

You were,
I'm not imagining it.

And today, you are drawing
Harrods like it's, uh,

some kind of secret plan
in a secret heist movie.

How can you draw
a rectangle like you're in
a secret plan? I don't...

Do you have
a secret plan?

You know... [chuckles]

I saw my grandmother's
face yesterday.

I told her,
"It's okay, Grandma,
I am fine.

I'm not going to do
anything stupid."

You said the diamond
is called a Harris Diamond.

Oh, Paxton, come on.

It's Saturday.
It's morning.

All the weird : a.m.
fantasies and options have
gone away as they always do.

Tell me about
the diamond.

There are
two Harris Diamonds.

- What?
- There are two
Harris Diamonds, okay. God!

- Why are there two?
- [exhales deeply]

Do you think I slept at all
last night, Paxton?

Well actually, no,
I didn't.

And what was it
that kept you awake?

Harris Diamond one,
Harris Diamond two.

One is real,
the other is fake.

Whenever a diamond
of this value
is exhibited in store,

they use a replica
of the real thing

to put
into the public area.

The actual diamond
is kept safe
in the vaults.

Currently, the replica

is on display here
on the ground floor.

But your real
Harris Diamond
is here in the vaults.

Tonight,
at exactly : p.m.,

you and I will be escorted
to the vaults by security

to collect
the real Harris Diamond.

We will then go
up the ground floor

in a secure elevator
where we add the diamond

to the rest
of the Eve Schwarz
collection.

Then, right there at : p.m.,
we will have the real diamond

and the very good
replica diamond,
side by side,

next to each other,
almost indistinguishable.

And because
of COVID restrictions,

the only people
that will be there
are you and me.

So, then we put
the real diamond
into a secure box

and send it to New York,
and we take
the glass replica

and I put it in my purse,
we take it away
for disposal,

and that is what we are going
to f*cking do,

exactly that
and nothing else.
Grandma, I love you.

May I ask
a very obvious question?

No, you may not.

What would happen if we sent
the replica to New York

and kept the real thing?

I'm assuming that as soon
as it got to New York,

someone would realize
that it was fake.

No, they wouldn't.

That is why
I couldn't sleep.

Whichever one we send
to New York,

it will go
into a secure vault
in Wall Street

and won't even be looked at
by another human being

for , , years.

Holy f*ck.

Three million pounds,
tax free.

No consequences.

One for me, one for you,
one for the NHS.

You have thought
about this.

You know,
I need to go meditate.

Are you sure they
won't check it in New York?

Shut up.
I need to meditate.

What were you going to say?

The man who bought
the diamond is bad.

He's really bad,
and you and I are good.

And the NHS is good.
And good is better
than bad.

When I explained
all that to Grandma,

even she said,
"Well, yeah, that's true."

And she was a Calvinist,
straight as a rod.

Unlike me, who is weak
in the face of temptation.

[inhales deeply]

Live wild or die, Linda.

Paxton,
you're forgetting something
very important, okay?

Assuming that
we do this thing,

which we definitely won't,

how would two ordinary people
like you and me

find a way to sell
a three million pounds
stolen diamond?

Okay, that was it.
That was my last attempt

to find a logical reason
why we shouldn't do this,

but you are going to say
"Archie Bruce," aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Archie Bruce.

Over the years,
I've kept up
with the guys.

I mean, Archie Bruce,

he's graduated
from stealing motorcycles

to stealing vintage cars

and fine art and jewelry.

I mean, he'd have Mr. Harris
in a penthouse in Moscow

before the banging
of the next saucepans.

And he'd do
a preferential deal
with you,

because you stepped in
one night and saved his life

at a roadhouse in Watford.

Circle of life,
something like that.

[sighs]

With Archie Bruce,
the nightmare began.

Maybe with Archie Bruce,
the nightmare ends.

So, what are we
going to do, Linda?

Okay, Paxton, here it is.

We decide tonight.

When we're there at Harrods
with the diamonds,

we're gonna know what's right
and what's wrong.

We'll decide in the moment.

Or let the moment decide.

What's the difference?

Fate versus free will.

Who controls our destiny?

Is everything
part of a plan

or do we f*ck things up
for ourselves?

Tonight at :,
we find out.

[cell phone ringing]

Hey, half-brother.

What, now?
You wanna Zoom?

All right,
give me a minute.

[video chimes]

Ah, Paxton,
how are you?

Actually, I am at a fork
in the road.

Really? Then perhaps
what I have to say

will have some bearing
on which fork you take,

because it is
sort of road related.

[David chuckles]

You see, Paxton,
the other day
when you said

you want
to sell your motorcycle,

I thought, "Wait a minute.
Time out. Not so fast."

And then,
after I cut the call
I thought about Mom.

Mum?

How she would feel
about you having to sell

your most
precious possession,

while at the same time,
over here

in the beautiful
Hudson Valley,

your brother,
your half-brother
isn't having it so bad.

You know,
when the cherry trees
in your orchard get a fungus,

it sucks,
but there are worse things.

Yeah, not for the cherry tree.
[chuckles]

Maybe worse for a cherry tree

is the steady tread
of George Washington

as he approaches
with an axe in his hand

and a head
full of good intentions.

Anyway, I wondered what Mom
would want me to do.

Well, remembering Mum,

I think she'd want you
to get to the point.

Okay, Paxton, here it is.

It is I who has bought
your precious motorcycle.

The purchaser
of your bike is me.

And I am
giving it back to you.

My gesture,
half-brother to half-brother.

Your bike is yours
once more.

Don't thank me, Paxton.

Please. No need.

All I ask, the only thing
I ask of you, Paxton,

is that
you are kind to yourself
from now on.

That you learn from this.

That the world
does not hate you.

That, yes, sometimes fate
seems harsh and cruel,

but people really do
what good...

Hey, David,
it's Linda. Hi!

Uh, Linda, I thought
I was just speaking
to Paxton.

Yes, I know. I heard, David,
your magnificent gesture,

and I just...
I couldn't stop myself,

I couldn't help myself.
I just had to jump
on the call

and say,
"Oh, my God, David.

What kind
of a person are you?"

David bought
my f*cking bike.

Yes, I heard. I heard,
and then I heard the sermon,

and I thought, "Wow!

Not only is he so generous
with his cash,

he is so free
with his wisdom."

- [David] Anyway, Paxton,
there it is...
- No, no, no.

Don't let me interrupt
this meaningful moment.

What is it that
you were saying, David?

Something about fate
being harsh and...

- [chimes]
- ...cruel?

Hmm.

Why were you mad at him?

- [Linda] I wasn't mad.
- Yes, you were.

It was you.

[chuckles]

You bought my bike.

Paxton, don't be ridiculous.
You heard what David said.

David would never do
something like that,

but he would
take the credit.

Whereas you would do
something like that

and give the credit
to someone else.

You did it 'cause you
felt sorry for me.

Yes, I worried
about what would happen

if you lost everything.

Mainly because
I didn't want anything bad
on my conscience.

Confession avalanche,
but also I...

I did it because
the bike represents us.

- And...
- No, no, no.

Pity is over here, all right,
and love is way over here.

Don't pretend
there is a bridge.

But would you still
feel pity for a man

who'd just stolen
a million pounds?

I'd be a millionaire,

and a bandido once again.

Maybe you'd change
your mind.

Maybe we'd ride off
into the sunset.

Paxton...

whatever we decide
to do tonight,

we will go
our separate ways.

The money would mean
that we're both free.

Well, I will factor that

into my decision-making
process.

Thanks for the bike.

[inhales deeply]

[chanting] Om...

[Paxton]
Ladies and gentlemen...

fellow inmates...

I have something for you

before I head off
on the number bus

to meet my destiny.

It's a passage
from a poem

written by T.S. Eliot,

who I'm sure no one
has ever heard of either.

"She turns and looks a moment
in the glass,

hardly aware
of her departed lover.

Her brain allows one
half-formed thought
to pass.

"Well, now that's done,
and I'm glad it's over."

See you
in the moment, Linda.

[music playing]

[Paxton] This could be
the last bus I ever take.

Oh, I've decided
to go by myself. Thanks.

- [driver] No problem.
- Thank you.

[exhales]

[Martin] Do it, Paxton.
Take the opportunity
that fate has given you.

[Paxon grunts]

[engine starts]

[siren wailing]

[sighs]

- Hi, stranger.
- [Charlotte] Oh, my God!

- [laughs]
- I want to hug you.

I can't hug you,
I can't hug you.

I hate this virus.

[blowing kisses]
I'm blowing you kisses.

- Oh, my God.
- [man] Hello, stranger.

- [Linda] Hey, oh...
- [chuckles]

[Charlotte] This place d*ed
when you left.

[Linda] Oh, Charlotte,
I need to know the name

of your personal trainer
right now, seriously.

I actually lost weight
because of stress,

'cause I found out
my girlfriend

was stealing a load of money
from me.

- [Linda] What?
- Long story.

That's not for right now.

- Hi!
- Hi. [laughs]

Terry, yeah.
Terry, guess who's here?

Yeah, have a little look
at Cam .

[Terry] Oh, sh*t,
it's Linda.

So, Linda,
what are you doing here?

[Linda] Oh, I'm not
on the list, because I made

a special arrangement
with Imran,

so I just need a desk
for five minutes.

Or three minutes.
Charlotte, can I?

- Come through.
- [Linda] Okay. Oh!

I need to wait
for my, um, driver.

Oh, hang on.
Excuse me.

[whistles] Hi.
BB Pro Freight Services?

[Paxton] Yeah.

[Linda] For the Eve Schwarz
collection?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?

Okay, just wait here
for one second. Okay.

[sighs] We couldn't get
our normal freight service.

[Charlotte]
World's gone mad.

I'm going to have to run
a hundred checks
on this guy.

We'll just need
to see his ID.

And Imran said we do need
to check the driver's ID.

Of course.

[whistles] Yeah,
can I see your ID?

Thank you.

Oops. [chuckles]

Oh, my God, Charlotte.

I didn't tell you.
You of all people.

[Charlotte] What?

It's just
the most earth-shattering,

life-changing,
amazing news.

[whispering] I found someone.
I met someone.

- No.
- Yes.

Oh, my God.
I thought you were
going to be single forever.

- Me, too!
- Dating app? Bumble?

- What's he like?
- [Linda] He's, uh...

He's a poet.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

[whispering] Yeah, he's like
a really wild poet.

Oh, my God,
that's so romantic.

Hmm, I know.

But listen, I've got a slot
in the vaults at :.

- I gotta get this guy
processed. Thank you.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Linda...
- Oh, life, life.

Right? You never know
what's coming down the line.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.

[whistles] We're good.

[blows kiss]
Thank you, Mark.

[Mark]
Anything for you, Linda.

Okay, I'm going
to generate you
a Harrods pass

that will give you access
to all areas.

- Date of birth.
- [Paxton] January th,
.

But I didn't have
my first poem
published until .

Okay, that's good.
That's good.

You're taking it lightly.
You're not panicking.

January th, .

Height, six feet.

- Build...
- Medium athletic.

And inside, I am panicking.

You do realize
that we've both
gone f*cking insane.

We haven't done
anything yet.

Criminal convictions, none.

So, when does
the moment begin?

- [keyboard clacking]
- The moment when we decide.

In the CCTV control room,

there's a deaf man
who reads lips.

Shut up. Look here.

Why are you good at this?

[mouse clicking]

[printer whirring]

Oh, Linda.

I just need to get
the gentleman's name

in case of a fire, so...

- His name?
- [Mark] Mmm-hmm.

Edgar Allen Poe.

Uh, Edgar...

Edgar Allen Poe.

Great, thanks.

[Linda] This is the first time
Harrods has been closed

in a hundred years.

Everything
has to get packed up
and put into boxes.

Pearls, purses,
fine art, fine jewelry.

Diamonds.

[Linda] Yeah. Diamonds.

[elevator dings]

Remember that game
we used to play

when we are alone
in an elevator,

we ask
each other questions,

and we are only allowed
to tell the absolute truth?

sh**t.

What went wrong
with you and me?

When I met you,
I wanted wild
and you were wild.

And then,
I stopped wanting wild,
and you stopped being wild.

- So, it should have worked.
- Yeah, but it didn't.

- Why not?
- I don't know.

[hesitates] That's the truth.

-[elevator dings]
-[automated voice]
Doors opening.

- Are you hungry?
- Yeah.

[indistinct talking]

[classical music playing]

[Linda] We have an hour
until our slot
in the vaults,

so what do you want
to eat, Paxton?

There is
literally everything.

With the store closing,
Harrods is gonna give

all of this food away
to a food bank.

[indistinct announcement on PA]

Fine.

Is there anybody watching?

Maybe.

Dream bigger.

Finest beluga caviar?

[Paxton]
So is this the moment?

[Linda] No.

No. We gotta get
something clear
before we make up our mind.

This is a black
Perigord truffle
from Italy.

It retails for £.

- For a f*cking mushroom?
- Okay.

Okay, that is what we need
to get clear in our minds.

What is the difference
between the cost of things,

and the value of things
to you and me?

So, I'm gonna
make a picnic.

A picnic which
under normal circumstances

would cost us about £,.

[elevator dings]

[automated voice]
Door's closing.

[Linda] My precious grandma
was a r*cist.

- Whoa.
- Yeah.

And I've just decided
to take her off

my in-head jury of people

who pass judgment
on what I do.

So, who else
is on the jury?

My dead mother,
God and you.

How come I'm still there?

-[elevator dings]
-[automated voice]
Door's opening.

Doors are open,
I don't have to tell you.

I used to come in here
on my lunch break.

[Paxton] So which one
of those paintings
do you want?

[Linda] Uh,
I don't want to own one.

You want to paint one.

[sighs]
I just want to paint.

So, this is the moment.

Oh, wait.

- Is the deaf guy looking?
- What?

Oh, I made that guy up
so you would stop talking.

Ah.

Think about it.

£, a year for ten years.
£, a year for years.

- A million pounds.
- [Linda] Yeah.

You could paint.

You wouldn't even need
to sell anything.

-[elevator dings]
-[automated voice]
Door's closing.

I never learned
to ride a bicycle.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Never?
- Yeah.

Went straight
to the motorcycle.

Before Christmas,
I had a sexual encounter
with Maria,

[whispers] and it was great.

-[elevator dings]
-[automated voice]
Door's opening.

Okay, so we've established
that we both want freedom.

- Maria, really?
- Oh, Paxton.

Paxton, we are about to make
the most important decision

of our lives.
Can you concentrate?

Okay, in our
decision-making process,

we haven't yet
discussed morality.

Look at that. That is...

That's a whole city
in lockdown.

Hospitals can't cope.
A million pounds would help.

We'd be doing good.
Plus, I worked it out.

If it's in s,
it all fits in one suitcase.

You can
leave it on a doorstep.
Take that, Grandma.

- You got rid of Grandma.
- Yes, I did. Thank you.

So, okay, we do it.

f*ck it.

We decide right now.

Okay.

[chuckles]

Previously,
I would have kissed you.

Let's just see
what happens.

- Okay.
- f*ck.

- Maria?
- Okay, it's time to go.

- Really?
- We gotta go to the vaults.

[Paxton] So, are we gonna
do it or not?

[Paxton panting]

- [unzips bag]
- Are you okay?

God, no.

Is God really part
of your in-head jury?

Uh-huh.

And for the record,
God is absolutely fine

with whatever it is
that we decide to do.

[Paxton]
That's good to know.

-[Linda] Hi, there.
P.., right?
-Yes, miss.

[Linda] Lead the way.

Why does the name
Edgar Allen Poe
ring a bell?

- [phone rings]
- [groans]

[indistinct chatter]

- [Linda] Thank you.
- You're welcome.

[man] You're shipping
that thing to New York?

[indistinct announcement
on PA]

-[Linda]
It's an underwater theme.
-Yeah.

- My idea.
- It's nice.

You're very good
at what you do.
What you did.

[Linda] Okay, so we only need
to pack up

the jewelry and accessories.

The clothing
all goes downstairs,

so it shouldn't
take too long.

Yeah, not too long,
so, uh...

Shall I take it out?

Yes. Why not?

[grunts]

[Linda] Okay.

[water bubbling]

[Linda] Do it quickly,
the fish are piranhas.

- What?
- It's meant to be symbolic.

- Symbolic of...
- I don't remember, okay.

Just do it faster.

You'll be fine.

[Paxton grunts]

[breathes heavily]

So, this is the moment.

Just seems so easy.

It's never been
about can we do it, Paxton.

It's about...
should we do it?

And will we do it?
It's about you and me.

And I'm not saying
that we are going to do it,

but if we are,
then you would need to
take one step to your left.

So, shall I take the step?

Take the step.
Then, we decide.

Linda...

if we are deciding
in the moment,

then I say we do it.

If we are letting
the moment decide,

then, in my opinion,
the moment is saying
loud and clear...

"Put the replica
in the f*cking box

and put the real thing
in your bag."

Freedom, Linda,
in one beautiful moment.

[Linda exhales]

[Paxton gasps]

[exhales]

Okay.

Okay.

- It's under control.
- It's under control.

- Under control.
- [softly] Yeah.

I think we should start
with the handbags,

and, uh, [hesitates]
we should get
the dust bags...

Linda!

- Linda, it's me.
- [Linda] Donald.

I need to speak to you
urgently.

Um, excuse me,
could you please
take a stroll

or something for a moment?

I have
some very important things
to say to my colleague.

Uh... Uh-huh.

Uh...

Donald...

Well, goodness,
I thought that I fired you,

but you're here.

Linda, listen. Someone made
an anonymous call

to Miracore head office.

They said that the driver
from BB

who is carrying
the Eve Schwarz collection

is using a false name.

They said he's got
a criminal record.

[sighs] Grandma, hey.

I came as soon as I could.
Thank God you're okay.

- I'm okay.
- Well, the police
are coming.

- The police are coming and...
- They'll be here any minute.

They'll be here any minute.
Okay, that's...

Now we're against
the clock.

Uh, if he's innocent
and who he says he is,

- then everything will...
- Everything will be okay.

And it will be okay, Donald,
because I know what to do.

[hesitates] What do you mean?

- What are you going to do?
- Paxton?

Paxton?

Donald. Paxton.

Paxton. Donald.

Who are you?

I'm Edgar Allen Poe,
obviously.

- She just called you Paxton.
- Yes, Donald, this is Paxton.

And I'm a woman
called Linda Jarvis.

I'm an ordinary woman
who, seconds ago,

made an extraordinary
decision.

[softly] Linda,
what are you going
to tell him?

[Donald] What is it
to do with you?

What it has to do
with him is that...

he is my partner
and my lover
of ten years standing,

and I think
I'm still in love with him.

- [inhales deeply]
- Really?

But most importantly,
he is also my accomplice.

You see, Donald, just now...
just one minute ago,

I decided... We decided

to steal the Harris Diamond
worth three million pounds.

[sighs] Holy f*ck.
Confession avalanche.

[Linda] No, it's okay,
and I know Donald

and also we don't have
a choice,

because Donald
called the police

and they're about to arrive
at any second.

- [Paxton] Oh, f*ck!
- Like I said,

it's going to be okay,
because when
the police arrive,

we are not
going to be here,
we are going to be gone.

- You are?
- Yes, we are.

And Donald
is going to tell them

that he talked to Linda

and she said
that everything's fine,

it was all
a misunderstanding.

And then, he is going
to give them this,

your ID verification.

And you're going to say
that you recognize
that driver

from another assignment.

And then, you're going
to tell them a story.

You're going
to tell them a story

about how this driver
has an enemy at work
who hates him.

- I am?
- Yes, you are.

And do you know why you're
going to do all this, Donald?

- No. Why?
- Because we are good.

Paxton, Donald,
we three are good.

And the bastards
who told me to fire you

and the bastard
who bought that diamond,

they won't even realize
that it's gone.

- Mention the NHS.
- Yeah. Yes, ooh!

What do you say, Donald?

Will you
lie for us, Donald?

[Donald] I see
all this anarchy
is because of lockdown.

Idiotic,
insane f*cking lockdown

which has liberated us all.

Donald, we'll give you money.
I'll give you grand.

f*ck the money.
I don't do this for money,

I do this for beauty.

Linda, you are wonderful.

[chuckles] Linda, and he is
your secret bandit lover,

and you are going
to spit in the face

of the global monolith.

During lockdown
I've had time

to think and walk in the park
near my mother's house,

and God, apart from
the dog walkers
and the joggers

breathing everywhere,
God, it is
a beautiful world.

Even before
the f*cking virus,

we were all locked down
in our own routines,

our versions
of ourselves...

Linda, we have to get
the f*ck out of here.

Let Donald have his moment.

[Donald]
...never get to work!

I only came here tonight

because I was worried
about you, Linda.

I don't give a f*ck
about Miracore,

their f*cking diamonds,
I don't care about them.

I want everything
to be stolen.

I will lie for you, Linda,

because this is my moment
to f*cking do something!

Mad, all this, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- [chuckles]

Who'd have thought
a month ago
we'd be doing this.

Not me.

[PA system chimes]

[man on PA]
Paging Edgar Allen Poe.

Edgar Allen Poe,
please report to security.

["Shine On You Crazy Diamond"
playing]

[elevator dings]

[PA system chimes]

[man] Mr. Edgar Allen Poe,

please report
to security immediately.

[Linda] I think
we should speed up.

Don't rush. We're not trying
to evacuate Dunkirk!

Stop there. If you walk,

you should be
on the starboard side.

[indistinct talking]

[Linda] Leave it.
Leave it.

Linda?

- [PA system chimes]
- [man] Paging
Edgar Allen Poe.

Mr. Edgar Allen Poe,
please report to security.

It's Michael
with the arrows
from Zoom.

- [PA system chimes]
- [man] Mr. Edgar Allen Poe,

please report
to security immediately.

[whispering] Oh, f*ck.

You'll have to turn in
your Harrods pass.

You go. Save yourself.

It's me that fate
is f*cking with.

Just keep walking.

[Mark] Edgar Allen Poe.

[Mark panting]

You left this
in the office.

You'll need it at Heathrow.

Thanks very much.

Everybody says, uh,
come back soon, Linda,

and we all love you.

Since that night,
we've established

that although we're now
both rich

and no longer have
to do jobs we despise,

the strains of lockdown

are still severely testing
our relationship.

"Happy ever after"
cannot survive

someone hiding
your bag of flour.

Okay, come on. Okay.

Here is your bag of flour.
I just...

I want you to promise me that
you're not gonna make bread.

[Paxton] Why not?

Because of the mess
and the pointlessness

and because
it will be inedible,
and like all homemade bread,

it will be a f*cking
pointless cannonball.

My dad used to make it
and we had to eat it,

otherwise he would disappear
into his workshop

and make these
hopeless wooden toys.

- Never again.
- Linda, you've lost
your mind.

What? I've lost...

You buried a hedgehog

and said a eulogy
over the f*cking grave.

And you deliberately
stuck a piece
of tinsel on the ceiling

- above the stairs.
- No, it was there all along.

- I almost
broke my f*cking neck.
- If you'd asked me,

I would have held
the stepladders.

If it had been there
"all along,"

I would have noticed it.

But you haven't noticed
that there was no point

in packing a suitcase

because there is nowhere
you can actually go.

They just extended lockdown
by another two weeks.

Oh, sh*t.

[exhales] Well...

All that
for a bag of flour

and a definitely
pre-existing piece
of tinsel.

And because today
is my birthday.

- [mumbles]
- It's okay.

- I know.
- [chuckles] It's okay.

- It's lockdown.
- No, I knew that.

- Nobody knows what day it is,
never mind the date.
- And I got you something.

I got you something
you really, really want.

[chuckles]

Go crazy.

- Another two weeks?
- Another two weeks.

Well, then,
my long suffering public

may need another poem.

[Linda] Hmm.

Counting The Beats
by Robert Graves.

"You, love, and I,
you and I,

and if no more
than only you and I,

what care you and I?"

[Linda laughing]

"Counting the beats,
counting the slow heartbeats,

the bleeding to death of time
in slow heartbeats,

wakeful we lie.

Cloudless day, night,
and another cloudless day,

"yet a huge cloud will burst
upon their heads one day."

And on that day,
lockdown will end!

["Wigwam" playing]

"Only here,
as we are here, together,

now and here,
always you and I."