[light music]
[thunder booming]
[light dramatic music]
[goggles clicking]
[goggles whirring]
[body thudding]
[man]
Ow!
[light dramatic music]
[sighs]
[dog growling]
[dramatic music]
[mechanical dog squeaking]
[mechanical dog growling]
[mechanical dog barking]
[mechanical dog beeping]
- [hammer thudding]
- [mechanical dog whimpering]
[mechanical dog barking]
[gasps]
[door thudding]
[dramatic music]
- [shotgun clicking]
- [suspenseful music]
[gasps]
Hello. Didn't see you there.
I knew someone was
after my treasures.
Everyone said I was
out of my mind.
Do I look unstable to you, huh?
Well, I've learned never
to answer that question
when it's being asked
by somebody holding a g*n.
Hey, you're that famous
collective collectables guy!
Rations or something like that.
Well, Ashens, actually.
Well, technically Stuart Ashen.
Ashens is like a name
I use in social media.
Kind of a branding thing.
You know, SEO and all that,
but yes, I am a collector
of incredibly rare,
but totally worthless
collectibles.
Whatever, just put
my Delta att*ck down
and I might let you
walk out of here alive.
Well, it'd be difficult to walk
out of here dead, wouldn't it?
That game is staying
in my collection.
- It's not yours.
- It bloody is!
It belongs in the Center
for Computing History.
I'm afraid not, Mr. Ashens.
- [g*n clicking]
- Time to die!
[dramatic music]
Hello, gentlemen.
Hand it over.
Thank you, Dr. Ashen.
You lose again.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Oh, well, that's gone then.
Ah, where did you
get that g*n from?
They're very hard to get
ahold of in this country.
Oh, from my father.
Funny thing,
didn't even have any b*ll*ts.
Then why did you
let him take the game?
Oh, just got caught up
in the moment I suppose.
Wait, what was your name again?
- It's Ashen, Stuart Ashen.
- [dramatic music]
Whatever.
[light music]
♪ The oldest wounds
take a long time to heal ♪
- [metal clanking]
- [man groaning]
♪ Can you separate ♪
♪ The fake from the real? ♪
[man gasps]
♪ This game you play ♪
♪ Is it worth playing? ♪
♪ This price you pay ♪
♪ Is it worth paying? ♪
♪ Because you are stuck
in the past all on your own ♪
♪ But you'll free yourself ♪
♪ You can do this alone ♪
[man groaning]
- ♪ We've got a score to settle ♪
- [sirens wailing]
♪ This game will
test your metal ♪
♪ Can you stand the att*ck ♪
♪ When there's
no turning back anymore? ♪
♪ We've got a score to settle ♪
♪ Let's take this up a level ♪
♪ Got to take up
a side and commit ♪
♪ Though it's not burglary ♪
[man screaming]
- ♪ There's nothing more ♪
- [glass shattering]
♪ Let's settle the score ♪
♪ But who to trust ♪
♪ When you've just
one life left ♪
- ♪ Is this destiny calling ♪
- Whoa!
♪ Or just romanticized theft? ♪
♪ Because you are stuck
in the past ♪
♪ Now is your time ♪
- [boulder rumbling]
- [man groaning]
♪ But don't forget you're
committing and actual crime ♪
♪ We've got a score to settle ♪
♪ This game will
test your metal ♪
♪ Can you stand the att*ck ♪
♪ When there's
no turning back anymore? ♪
- [man groaning]
- ♪ We've got a score to settle ♪
♪ Let's take this up a level ♪
♪ Or you could call it
quits and stay home ♪
♪ Filled with medieval tasks ♪
♪ There's nothing more ♪
♪ Let's settle the score ♪
[light dramatic music]
[door creaking]
[suspenseful music]
What did you go and do that for?
- Do what?
- I had it under control.
Stuart, it was just a bit fun. It's nice
for me to get one over you once in a while.
Fine.
- Any new jobs on the go?
- Uh, we've got a Mr. Stockton.
He wants you to locate
a Modular Tatboy .
And we have a Miss Causon
who is looking
for a sticker album
she had when she was .
And of course
we've had five calls
from people who want us
to pick up their rubbish.
We really need to change
this company's name.
Are you just saying that because
you want your name on the door?
No. Well, yes.
- I deserve it.
- Look, mate, you're still learning the ropes.
A bit of patience.
- Fine.
- [knocking on door]
[door creaking]
Hey, uh, can you guys collect
some of my old mattresses?
[Stuart] No, we're a collection
service, not a collections agency.
So, what do you collect?
[Stuart]
Collectibles.
There's good money
in rubbish collection.
You should think about it.
- Yeah, thanks.
- [door creaking]
- [Stuart blowing]
- [file cabinet thudding]
Oh, what are you
looking at there?
Well, I was just doing
a little bit of research
in the University
Library Archive
and I came across this.
[Stuart]
It's very strange.
Upright arcade cabinet,
early field vectors,
all prototypes
forcibly recalled.
Is this the Polybius?
Are you researching
the Polybius?
You've heard of the Polybius?
The infamous arcade game that
can control people's minds.
Benny, that's just a myth
gamers tell
to scare one another.
Well, I'm not so sure, Ashens.
I mean,
from my initial research,
it was an upright game
that was released
into arcades circa .
I've heard
this bedtime story, too.
Yeah, the game was strangely
addictive and people
would fight each other
for the next go on it.
And if you got the high score,
you entered
some sort of euphoric trance.
Here, I've got a book on it.
- Look.
- [dramatic music]
Dangerous side effects,
strange behavior,
even rumors of some fatalities.
But then the men
in black suits came and...
never heard of again.
People have been chasing
this myth for years.
Look at the amount
of documentation here.
This doesn't look like a myth.
Well, it does seem legitimate.
Hey, check this out.
This must be the bloke
who developed it.
[light dramatic music]
Hey!
where are you going?
- [door creaking]
- [door slamming]
Guess bingo night's canceled.
[somber music]
[Stuart sighs]
- [light dramatic music]
- [coin tapping]
[video tape whirring]
[dogs barking in distance]
Father, look what I got
at the p shop.
Very nice.
Now, sit up and pay attention.
Your father has to go away
for a little while,
but before I do I want
to tell you a story.
A story about your grandfather,
Woodwood Ashen.
In this box
is the culmination of his work.
[box rustling]
The Ashen Portable
Mini Electric Organ.
He managed to get it patented,
but all it ever did was this.
[mimics farting]
[farting stops]
He thought he'd make
his fortune from that.
All he ever accomplished...
was leaving your grandmother
and me penniless.
I promised one day I would
make her proud of me
and now I finally created something that
will help me fulfill that promise, but...
it has been taken from me!
I must do everything
I can to get it back.
I want you to have these.
Your grandfather made them
just before he d*ed.
They were supposed
to enable endless free play
on arcade games,
but of course all they ever did
was shorted everything out.
They will serve as a reminder
to focus on things
that really matter.
Now, I must go.
But before I go, remember I...
Remember...
Remember to mow the lawn well
and regularly.
Always use the best lawnmower
you can possible afford.
It's important
for the health of the grass.
Goodbye.
- Daddy?
- [door slamming]
[video tape whirring]
[truck beeping]
[knocking on door]
Professor?
[door slamming]
Professor?
Don't say a word.
[door slamming]
[Professor groaning]
What are you wearing?
It's a migraine machine,
but I'm not sure whether
it creates them or cures them.
- [helmet popping]
- [Professor sighs]
Fascinating, yeah,
look, Professor,
please tell me everything
you know about the Polybius.
[glass shattering]
No, Stuart, no.
Don't even think about it.
It's way too dangerous.
So, the legend is true?
Well, I mean this
is what I've heard.
It was the early s
and video games were exploding.
[expl*si*n booming]
I don't mean literally exploding
like the rapid exchange
of combustible energy.
I mean economically exploding.
I understand, yeah, yeah.
[Professor] So,
money was flooding into the market,
and a shady m*llitary
organization funded a brilliant,
but psychotic developer
who was developing games
that could exploit
the feelings of players.
You know, a bit like
VR today, only good.
And the prototype
was called Polybius.
[game whirring]
There were terrible
side effects,
but the developer wouldn't stop.
He carried on developing it
until the project
was terminated.
[bodies thudding]
He must've been
a complete lunatic,
completely devoid of humanity.
Completely and utterly
inhumanly corrupt!
He must've been
an absolute psychotic monster!
Professor, I think
that man was my father.
[glass shattering]
[stutters] I'm so sorry, Stuart.
I'm sure he must've been
lovely in other ways.
He wasn't and I haven't
seen or heard from him
since the Polybius
supposedly disappeared.
Stuart, you've got to let this one go.
It's far too dangerous.
If you find it and fell
into the wrong hands,
it would be very, very bad news.
I think it already has.
From what we found
in the University Archives,
we think the prototype may be
being held in this building.
Which is owned
by Antony Agonist,
a cretin who had the Museum
of Local History demolished
so he could build
his sterile headquarters on it.
I dread to think what he's
got planned for the Polybius.
- [glass shattering]
- [Professor stammering]
I really must stop putting
so much of this oil on my hands.
[glass clinking]
Sorry, you were saying.
Professor, what do you
think I should do?
I'm sorry, Stuart,
I can't tell you that.
You'll have to decide
for yourself.
But, you know, best of luck
saving the world or not.
It's totally up to you.
No pressure.
Thanks, Professor.
Whoa, oh, I'm sorry.
[Stuart sighs]
[Professor]
Let me see.
[Professor groaning]
[door creaking]
- [Stuart] Hello, Christine.
- Stuart.
Can I come in?
Sorry, yes, of course.
[Stuart] I see you're still
very keen on the old lawnmowers.
Yes, here's my new purchase.
- The Stingray .
- Um, yeah.
Very, very nice.
Look, Chris, I have something
I've got to ask you.
Have you ever heard
of the Polybius?
No, what's that?
I think it was
the project that, um...
that father was working
on before he abandoned us.
Oh, suddenly you're interested
in Dad after all these years.
Why's that?
It's got nothing to do with Dad.
It's purely professional.
He disappeared, I got over it.
You should get over it, too.
How can you still be
so cold about this, Stuart?
Don't pretend it doesn't matter.
I'll never stop trying
to find out what happened.
Look at what it's done to you.
You've got to stop chasing
his shadow, it's pointless.
It's better than
a pointless life, Stuart.
[somber music]
I don't have time for this.
Unlike you,
I'm a very busy person.
I should go.
[door opens, closes]
[indistinct chatter]
[coin tapping]
Thought I'd find you here.
How'd it go with your sister?
Could have gone better.
Do you believe, Benny?
Do you believe
in the legend of the Polybius?
I don't know what I believe.
But if what we found out
about the Polybius is true...
then we have to find it.
And if we do maybe then
you can find out something
about what happened
to your dad, too.
[coin tapping]
- Let's get this thing.
- Yes, a heist!
- It's not a heist.
- It's a heist.
A robbery, pre-planned
with more than one participant.
It's not
a complicated definition,
but if it ticks both those,
- it's a heist.
- I suppose it is actually, isn't it?
I mean, I did check
the definition last night.
Ah, so cool.
[Stuart chuckles]
Uh, well, we should
probably go actually.
We've got, like,
loads of stuff to do.
Oh, yes.
Sorry, it's all the drama!
[light dramatic music]
[Stuart]
So, according to our research,
after years
of failed development,
what we think could be the Polybius
was sold at a m*llitary boot sale
and purchased
by one Antony Agonist.
[Benny] This guy gives new
meaning to the word egomaniac.
[Stuart] And he seems to
be on some bizarre crusade
against anything
made over three years ago.
[Benny]
The man's bad news.
And now he's pouring
resources into the Polybius.
So the Polybius is secured
in his corporate headquarters,
the Brundall Unconditional
Modernization Building,
and getting it is
not going to be easy.
We're going to have to bypass
six separate security systems.
- [Benny] Seven.
- [Stuart] Oh, yeah, good spot.
But I think there might be
a weak spot on this west wall.
There's a heating vent here that
isn't secured, guarded or alarmed.
You're right. If we can access
this small thermal exhaust port,
we can get into
the maintenance area here.
It's a heating vent.
Why do they always make these
thermal exhaust ports
so vulnerable?
Again, a heating vent.
Mind you, it might be
quite difficult getting in.
The thermal exhaust port
doesn't look very big.
No bigger than a womp rat.
It's a heating vent.
We're going to need a good crew
on this job. The best.
Eye in the sky,
fixer, grease man,
and a mole if we're going
to get it done.
You forgot the most
important one. The money.
We're going to need
cash for equipment,
transport, craft services.
But who do we know that
can get that kind of money?
Benny, my friend, I think
we both know the answer to that.
- Who?
- Geoff.
[sighs]
[Benny]
Geoff.
[swanky music]
[door creaking]
Geoff! Are you all right,
what's happened?
It's the germs that you want.
The germs, they're everywhere.
They're in everyone.
What, like cold and flu germs?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's the moon germs.
The centium moon germs
from the dark side of the moon.
NASA have brought them back with
them from the first moon landing
in the s and...
Geoff, there's no such
thing as moon germs.
- Really?
- No.
Unbelievable!
Why didn't you tell me
that before, Chef?
I told you times.
Well, I guess that's true.
[sighs]
Sorry, Stuart, is there
something I can help you with?
Actually, yes.
I'm putting together
a crew in order
to steal an old item
of technology.
And I was wondering
if you would like to fund it.
[chuckles] I would love to help,
but I've spent a fortune
on vitamin pills
fighting the moon germs! Oh!
[Stuart]
Totally understandable, mate.
Totally understandable
of course,
but just as a matter
of interest.
The item in question
is owned by an Antony Agonist.
Agonist? I hate that guy.
You know, he knocked down
my mother's house because
he thought her thatched
roof had too much thatch!
I'm in, whatever
you need, Stuart.
[swanky music]
It's just really great to
come to, uh, places like this.
You know, real down to earth,
soul to the earth
kind of places.
Normally, I go to
the Bellago or the Maribelle.
You know, I'm somewhat
of a high roller.
Super high, actually.
But I like to keep it real,
keep it on the DL.
Keep my feet on terra firma,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, it's just, uh, I'm...
You're getting
those drinks, right?
Yeah, of course.
Make mine a double.
Double?
[door creaking]
[light dramatic music]
You'll have to excuse me. I've just
seen a high roller associate of mine,
or a high rollass
if we abbrevo in the biz.
I will be right back.
- Jarred.
- Ashens, I'm working here, mate.
I need a smooth man for a job.
Well, you know me,
I'm a real smoothie.
Put a straw in and suck me up.
I've got a good thing
going here.
What did you get off that mark?
[sighs]
Just this packet
of pickled beetroot
cheesy monster crisps.
[Stuart] You can do better.
Are you in out?
- It's a one time offer.
- [woman] Hey, did you take my crisps?
Okay, I'm in.
Let's roll.
Step right up, play the game.
Sir, sir, pick a card, any card.
Fancy a game?
Please?
[sighs] Just so lonely.
Hello, Annalise.
Ashens, fancy a game?
- [Stuart] Go on, go on.
- Oh, okay.
Watch the card.
Oh, where did it go?
If you find the card
you make plenty of money.
Easy as can be.
Yeah, I said I'd treat you
and treat you I shall.
Now, find the queen.
- [Stuart] It's that one. No, it's definitely there.
- No, it's that one.
- I was watching it the whole time.
- It's % that one.
Well, I'm sorry,
my friend but...
Oh, how did that happen?
Oh, well, I guess I owe you.
Could you spot me a tenner?
Ashens, are you sure about this?
Annalise, I need
a USB cable that connects
to the old Mini Type B.
- Is that all?
- [Stuart] I also need an AB hybrid adapter.
Oh, she's good. Very good.
Maybe too good.
[Stuart] Annalise,
I'm putting together a crew,
and I need a woman
who knows how to get things.
Can I talk to people?
Yes, yes, you can.
I'm in.
Cheers.
Okay, you good?
- Yeah, you're not welcome here.
- [man] I'm good.
Why are you dressed
like that again?
This saved us
ten pounds in entry fees.
And you just had
that ready to go?
[in low pitched voice]
It is I, the dreaded Calibrax.
Please leave a message
and I will...
No, I want Calibare,
not Calibrax,
for my voice message.
Oh, sorry, okay.
[in high pitched voice]
Hey, it's me, Calibare smeable,
please be a dear
and leave a message.
No, no, that's
Calibare's early voice
from episode when
he fuses with the hivemind.
No one likes
pre-fusion Calibare.
He's the worst character
in the show.
Do you even watch your own show?
I want post-fusion Calibare.
Look, I just
want satisfaction, okay?
Oh, hey, isn't that
Crewman Simon Tarses
- from the Drumhead episode of The Next Generation?
- What, where?
[woman humming]
Sorry, I do this
when I get nervous.
- And thanks.
- No problem, mate. How are you doing?
Ah, well, you know, it's good getting
the chance to meet all the fans.
You know, as a voice actor you don't
usually get a chance to meet them.
I can't possibly imagine
anything worse than this.
It is the worst.
Listen, Ashens,
I can guess why you're here,
but I'm out of the game now.
Come on, Vocal,
you're the best there is.
Not anymore.
That wasn't acclaimed actor
Spencer Garret, you idiots.
Now, do the voice properly.
I've paid three pounds for this.
- I demand satisfaction.
- Are you sure you don't want in on this?
- I'm in as long as we leave immediately.
- Wait.
[upbeat music]
What are you doing?
Satisfaction!
I want satisfaction!
Satisfact...
Okay, I think that's everyone.
- We're still missing a grease man.
- [Geoff] A grease man?
I know a grease man.
I'll sort it.
And we need an eye in the sky.
Oh, no, oh, no, no, no,
I know what you're thinking.
Absolutely not, not The Cube.
I don't trust him.
I never have and I never...
♪ The city is bare ♪
♪ And I'm in charge of me ♪
- [Stuart] Hello, Cube.
- Hello, procrastinator.
You're really late.
Seriously, where have you been?
Oh, God, I wondered when
you'd darken my dawn up again.
Let me guess, you need
a proper eye in the sky
for your Polybius heist?
How did you know?
Don't ask stupid questions.
You know that I know
that you know that I know
that a partridge in a pear tree
is worth two friends in need.
- What?
- You know what I mean.
I never know what you mean.
Look, Cube, I know
we haven't always
seen eye to eye
on jobs in the past...
Well, that's because you are
a complete control freak.
You have archaic plans
and archaic technology.
If you just use my nice
shiny plans and my nice shiny
technology everything
would be so much easier.
- Anything else?
- I hate your general approach to life.
Also, your beard is stupid.
Look, you know what we're after,
and you know what it can mean.
Okay, but I need technology
from the absolute
bleeding edge and I get
to keep all of it when I'm done.
Yay, great.
Just give me a list
and I'll sort it.
Oh, and I want to be
called Cyber Ops.
Don't push it.
[dogs barking in distance]
[dramatic music]
[Stuart] Right,
you all know why we're here.
What we're proposing
is very dangerous
and there is
a high risk of failure,
so if any of you
have any doubts,
walk now, no hard feelings.
- [chairs creaking]
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sit down, everyone.
Sit down.
That was rhetorical, come on.
Now, I know many of you
know each other,
but I will be issuing you all
with code names
for security reasons.
You will be Mr. Pink.
Yes, very happy with that.
[laughs]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Stuart.
You know pink is my favorite color!
I want to be Mr. Pink.
No, you'll be the color
I assign you.
Excuse me, but you promised me
I could be Mr. Pink.
I look fantastic in pink.
No, I'm Mr. Pink.
I'm more Miss Beige.
That suites me better.
[Annalise] Then can I be Miss
Pink because of the whole,
- you know, gender norms stereotype.
- That's enough.
There'll be
no Mr. Pink for anyone.
We'll just use our real names.
Right, let's move on.
Who is this?
Well, this is Yiannis.
- He's the grease man.
- [Stuart] Oh, great.
Hello, Yiannis.
[speaking foreign language]
Do you speak any English?
Geoff, where did
you find Yiannis?
In Greece.
No, we needed
a grease man, G-R-E-A-S-E.
Somebody who can get
into difficult places.
Stuart, I'm sure Yiannis
can get into many places.
And what is he wearing?
I lent him one
of Chef's costumes.
Well, why'd you make
me wear that?
- It doesn't make sense.
- [Geoff] Shut up.
Stuart, what is your problem?
Yiannis, Yiannis,
have you understood
anything that's been
said so far?
Uh, you thief...
uh, steal Polybius.
Unbelievable, so the little
English you do know is too much.
Well, welcome
to the crew, Yiannis.
Perhaps we can now finally
get to why we're here.
- This is our target.
- [map rustling]
The Polybius.
[Stuart] The Polybius is secured
in the Brundall Unconditional
Modernization or BUM building.
[Jarred chuckles]
It has one of the most
intricate security systems
of any research facility
and is owned by Antony Agonist.
What, I hate that guy!
He made me take
all the keys off my keyboard
because they were too clicky.
And here's how we're
going to get it.
My plan is to infiltrate
the BUM with a mole.
- [chuckles]
- [Stuart] By which I mean one of our people
will be working inside
the research facility.
We'll split into two teams
working simultaneously,
coordinated
by our eye in the sky.
- Cyber Ops.
- [team groaning]
Fine, eye in the sky.
We're going full frontal
- into the BUM people.
- [Jarred chuckling]
And I wish I'd phrased
that differently.
Anyway, we're going
through the front door,
here we'll need to lift some
names from the daily visitors list
to override the secondary check.
- [mace hissing]
- [men screaming]
I'm blind, I'm blind!
[Benny] Then our eye in the sky
will bypass the electrified fence
so our secondary team
can gain access
through this small thermal
exhaust port.
- [electricity zapping]
- [Yiannis groaning]
[Stuart]
Our mole will then acquire
the Polybius room door decoder
from the lead scientist,
relaying it back
to the eye in the sky.
- [expl*si*n booming]
- [Yiannis screaming]
[Benny]
Then our front door team
will circumvent the fingerprint
and facial recognition systems.
- [alarm dinging]
- [men groaning]
[Stuart] Meanwhile,
our second team will access
the Polybius room
manual override.
- [mace hissing]
- [both screaming]
Ah, Satan licked my eyes!
[Benny] Then we'll need to
b*at the motion detectors,
making sure not to move faster
than . miles per hour.
- [boxing glove thudding]
- [bell ringing]
[Stuart] Before finally,
we relay a signal
to our replica door decoder,
accessing the Polybius room,
and securing
the Polybius itself.
[lock dinging]
- [mace hissing]
- [men groaning]
My face!
I use that all the time!
[Benny]
Spit in my eyes, spit my eyes!
- Spit!
- [Stuart spits]
[Vocal]
This is impossible.
I'm not going in someone's BUM.
Oh, don't be so negative.
It's not impossible.
We can get into that BUM.
Together we can cr*ck this.
- Is there anything else?
- [Benny] Yes.
After minutes,
our overrides will reset,
the alarms will go off,
and we'll all be sent to jail for years
- for criminal conspiracy.
- [Stuart] And then they'll release the guard dogs
that are trained
to gnaw on our bollocks.
- We should be okay there.
- Right, well, I'm off.
Yeah, you have my money.
Don't forget to send me
a postcard from jail.
Okay?
Chef.
Ah, man.
Right, let's get to work.
[triumphant music]
[light dramatic music]
Ah, Crystal.
How's my favorite scientist?
It's Christine.
Actually, it's Dr. Ashen.
As you can see,
we're making good progress.
My father came up with a
directed neuro frequency system.
I've been starting
to understand its functionality.
Dr. Ashen...
I took a big risk
taking on the daughter
of a failure
who made this machine.
Don't make me regret
that decision.
Tell me...
do you have
any brothers or sisters?
I have a brother,
but we don't really...
Let me tell you about
my life, Christine.
I have four brothers.
[whispering] Four.
All my life
I've had hand me downs.
Hand me downs!
Grubby toys and dirty
and mismatched clothing.
I have devoted my life
to making sure...
that no one
has to feel that pain.
I don't understand.
I have a vision.
The Polybius . will be
the most addictive game ever.
And alongside the serotonin
pump it straight into the brain,
will be a simple message.
New is good.
New is right.
New works!
[Christine] Sir,
the technology directly impacts
the emotional area of the brain.
We must be very careful.
It is time to sweep away
the old and bring in the new!
The clock is beeping.
You hear that?
Beep, beep, beep. Oh, it's coming
from there, it's coming there.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep.
[Stuart] We start with reconnaissance.
We need to know everyone
who's coming in and out
of that building.
Most importantly, the identity
of the lead scientist
who has the Polybius
room door decoder.
Okay, so that's the second time
we've seen Mr. Red Shirt.
- Yep, yep.
- It looks like he's jumping up and down.
- Does he need the lou? Oh, genius.
- He needs the lou.
- Those are the toilets.
- That must be the toilet.
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is the most fun
I've had in ages.
Yiannis, how are you getting on
with that Learn English
in Seven Days tape?
Nice to meet you.
Your curtains are beautiful.
Is that real cotton?
- That's pretty good, Yiannis.
- Excellent, yeah.
That's going to be
really useful.
[light dramatic music]
[Stuart] Next,
for Cube's overrides we'll need
to access the service mainframe,
which is located
underneath the building.
[door creaking]
Okay, this is the primary communications
hub for the entire building.
We can piggyback
directly onto it.
If we touch the primary,
they'll know we were here.
Like I told you, Ashens,
let's go through
this secondary sub command path.
- It's a low priority system, quiet, accessible.
- There's no need.
Nobody's going to look for
a rootkit until we're long gone.
Yes, they will!
No, they won't.
[keyboard clicking]
- [computer beeps]
- There, we're in
using my method, I win, ha!
No, we all loser.
Let's go.
[Stuart] Next, we're going to need
our mole doing his mole thing.
Using our computer override,
Cube has secured Jarred
a job in the building.
These are fun, aren't they?
Go up and down.
Oh... [chuckles] that's secure.
Did my job.
I'm going to go
get a cup of coffee.
Black coffee.
- No milk.
- I'm more of a Kombucha tea kind of guy,
but I will have exactly
what you're having please.
[chairs creaking]
[keys jingling]
[man]
I'm watching you. Yeah.
[door creaking]
I'm so sorry, mate.
This is my life.
[light dramatic music]
- [camera beeping]
- [Stuart] Okay, let's talk it.
So, Cube has some minor
modifications to my plan.
Thank you, okay.
So, as we all know,
Jarred is the mole,
Vocal and I,
we're going to be Cyber Ops.
[team groaning]
- Aw, man.
- This is getting sad.
- That's not the name.
- Fine, eye in the sky.
We're in the van. Annalise,
Yiannis, you're going in through
the thermal exhaust port
and you are going to be called
Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny.
Oh, wow, soaring,
eagles, destiny,
they're, like,
my three favorite things.
- It's a heating vent.
- Whatever.
Ashens, you and Benny
are going through
the front door
and you are Team Boiled Celery.
Boiled Celery? Oh, come on.
Celery, uh, is like,
um, dirt flavored soft wood.
Ashens, just own it.
Now, focus, people.
So, are the telephone calls
in hand?
Because as soon as
we take over the system,
all external communications
will be blocked.
I need control
for a couple of seconds,
and no calls are coming in
in that short amount of time.
Okay, but have you
considered that if a...
The plan works!
Stuart, the plan works.
You can't rely entirely
on the technology.
There's more to it than that.
Oh, should we rely
on your technology?
Your archaic eight bit crap!
[Vocal humming]
Sorry.
Fellas, can we just move on?
What about the lead scientist?
The database,
it's bit encryption.
- It's insane.
- Yeah, get on with it.
No, I don't have
a name for you yet.
[Stuart] If we don't know
who has the door decoder,
we are dead in the water.
No, we'll be alive!
- In jail.
- That's not much better.
Well, you know, it could be,
because with jail you get,
- you know, free food and...
- Communal dining area.
You know, like Wagamamas.
You don't pay rent.
You don't, you don't pay rent.
- [Benny] I like corn.
- Corn?
- [Benny] Yeah.
- Do they have corn there?
- You see?
- [Benny] Probably, yeah.
Uh, I think jail is bad.
- Yeah, yeah, it's no joke.
- Yeah, that's true.
- [light dramatic music]
- [Stuart] Next, transport.
Nondescript, reliable,
and most importantly, cheap.
[Annalise] So, as I was
saying, my employer would like
to purchase
one of your excellent vans.
- Well, I want to help.
- Mm-hmm.
But I think the best
I can do is , .
Oh.
She sells sea shells
on the sea shore.
Please could you help
us out with the price?
You drive a hard bargain,
but I like you.
- I can drop it to .
- What about ten?
No, 's the best I can do.
- Sea shells on the sea shore.
- [bugs buzzing]
If you can't,
then that'll have to do.
Lovely doing business with you.
You know, you're
a very kind man.
With kind eyes.
[salesman groaning]
- Let go!
- [gasps]
Ouch!
[bugs buzzing]
- I think you broke it.
- [gasps]
Uh, , , it's my final offer.
- [light dramatic music]
- [gasps]
- Let me go get the paperwork.
- Oh!
- [speaking foreign language]
- [bugs buzzing]
[sighs] Who's this?
This is Ryan,
I've known him for years.
Say hi, Ryan.
- Hi, Ryan.
- He's our driver.
He's the best that I know of.
He's got our backs.
I've no idea what's going on,
but I'm okay with that.
Ah, he's very mysterious.
I genuinely don't
care about him.
Right, do we have
my K monitors?
Yes, check.
- Do we have my SSD arrays?
- Yep, here.
Uh, do you have my artificial
intelligence risk chip?
No, because you made that up.
How dare you!
You trying to be clever?
A little bit, yeah.
- Didn't work.
- Hang on.
Who the hell are these guys?
[Stuart]
Oh, I invited them.
But the plan, Ashens, the plan.
Count us up, plus Geoff.
One, two, three,
carry the two, .
Exactly, .
So, what? .
, Ashen's .
We can call ourselves
Ashen's !
[team groans]
Oh, that is so...
cool!
- Yes!
- Yeah, it is!
Totally justifies
the massive extra risk.
Oh, now, see,
that works on so many levels.
Well, it works
on one level, but...
- Oh, yeah.
- That's a good level.
- What a level.
- Level...
Actually, I better find
something for you guys to do, um.
How about you take these,
collect some money to offset
- the cost of the heist.
- That sounds like a lot of fun.
- Let's do it!
- Cheers, guys.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- See you.
- They're so lovely.
I didn't now it was possible
to feel this level of regret.
- [man ] Support the heist.
- [man ] Pennies in the bucket.
- It's a good cause.
- Support the heist.
Oh, I love a good heist.
- [money clanking]
- Thank you very much.
It's for a good cause.
[Stuart] Next,
we'll build an exact replica
of the motion detector
room so that I can train.
[Cube] How did you do it?
You're cheating as well!
Oh, don't say that.
Oh, I'm going to say mean things
- about your mom in a minute.
- [Vocal] Your mom is
the nicest person
I think I've ever met.
- She's, like, so kind.
- So nice.
- And very, very slow.
- Where's my head gone?
- There's so much blood, I'm going to have PTSD...
- Slower, slower!
More better.
No more way to say, um.
- [alarm blaring]
- [Cube] Your mom's so fat!
Well, she's lost a lot
of weight recently actually.
- Yeah.
- She looks really good for it to be perfectly honest.
Think like a sloth
with the finger,
but not sloth, so maybe
like the broadband,
but not broadband,
the dial-up with... [beeping]
- It's more like that.
- Hit him I the head.
- Again, no?
- [Cube] Watch it,
I've seen you before,
you come frozen.
Excuse me!
We are trying
to plan a heist here.
- She started it.
- Yeah.
No, I didn't.
She brought moms up.
Ah, bugger that. Got to
sh**t you all in the heads.
- Give me the control.
- Yes.
I haven't got a head,
but I'm still going.
Watch out for her stump,
it's vicious.
[video game g*nshots banging]
[Benny] Next, we'll have to get
Antony Agonist's fingerprint.
Okay, he's accepted
the invitation.
He'll be here in minutes.
Okay, so let's
go over this again.
This glass has been
covered in a special resin.
We just need him to pick it up,
and then I can lift the print
using this D laser scanner.
Bingo.
Bob's your uncle.
The resin degenerates
very quickly,
so I'll be in the van
with a scanner.
Yiannis, you need
to bring me the glass
as quickly as possible.
- Okay?
- Uh, uncle, bingo, Bob,
resin, scanner, yes.
[knocking on door]
Are you guys sure you can't
pick up my mattresses?
- I'll pay cash.
- Please get out.
It's your loss.
[door thudding]
[knocking on door]
Um, the fox is
in the chicken, uh, house.
Agonist behind door.
[Stuart clears throat]
Mr. Agonist,
you're extremely early,
but please come in, come in.
How are you doing?
I got your message.
You're demolishing a museum
filled with Byzantine treasures.
- I can't wait.
- Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great.
Uh, would you like
a drink of something?
- A glass of water?
- [Antony] Water?
Not enough electrolytes.
Water's for losers.
Ah.
A fingerprint reader.
[suspenseful music]
I love these.
- [Antony moaning]
- [scanner beeping]
I can see
the family resemblance.
Although, your face
is a bit more boring and plain.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Christine,
she's your sister, right?
- You know Christine?
- [Antony] Know her?
She's my lead scientist
on a very important project.
Very hush hush.
I'd like a word
with you in private.
Join me.
[Stuart]
Please, have a seat.
Ashens, the reason I'm here
other than to see
priceless artifacts destroyed,
is to talk to you
about your sister.
What about her?
I'd like to get to
know her better.
I thought maybe you could
give me some brotherly advice.
Nope, sorry, I can't help you.
Fine!
I wouldn't normally ask
you, but your father...
- [phone buzzing]
- Oh, oh, sorry. I'm just getting a call.
Sorry, I've got to take this.
- Oh, hi, Dad.
- [man through phone] Hi, Mr. Agonist.
We need you to move your car.
Yeah, no, I'm just here
with someone, Dad.
[man]
Sorry, no, this is the council.
Yeah, no their dad
disappeared over years ago.
- [man] You're confused, I just... What the f...
- Love you.
Sorry, don't know
if you heard, that was my dad.
Who I talk to
on a regular basis.
You know what, I'm bored of you.
I'm going to send you a signed
copy of my third autobiography.
Thanks, this has been great.
Got to go.
[door creaking]
[door slamming]
[Benny] Is your sister
the lead scientist...
I believe she is.
And you didn't know that she...
I did not.
Are you just
going to keep cutting off
- everything that...
- I am.
There's something I need to do.
- [door creaking]
- [door slamming]
Sorry, what did I miss?
This is, how you say,
a family full of mess.
Yes, it is.
- [dramatic music]
- [lawnmower rumbling]
[knocking on door]
[door creaking]
[Stuart clears throat]
Everything all right?
Stuart, what are you doing here?
I'm going to ask you a question
and I want an honest answer.
Okay.
It's just their shape, you know?
The way they just
cut the grass and...
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Are you working on the Polybius?
We went through this.
I've spoken to Agonist.
I know everything.
[sighs]
[Stuart]
Are you doing this for father?
It won't bring him back.
No, he's been gone for years.
Do you ever think about him?
No, never.
Didn't need him then,
don't need him now.
Why do you always do that?
What?
Why were you speaking
to Agonist?
What are you up to?
Oh, nothing, no reason, no.
But, um, do be careful, Chris.
Fine.
I'll leave you
to your lawnmowers.
- What do you mean?
- [door creaking]
[door slamming]
[phone beeping]
[phone ringing]
[man]
Hello, Science Department.
Yes, it's Dr. Ashen.
I'd like to move forward
with the relocation plan.
- [alarm beeping]
- [dramatic music]
Uh, uh, Cyber Ops emergency.
Cyber ops emergency!
Everybody here now!
Norwich, we have a problem.
I've just seen
some serious email chatter.
They are moving the Polybius.
What, when?
- Uh, two days from now!
- [Vocal humming]
We're going to have
to go tomorrow night.
- I'm not ready.
- I need to finish my training.
This is the only way now.
There's something
not right here.
- What is going on?
- Oh, really,
you're accusing me of this now?
I think it's a possibility.
Everything that's gone
wrong has come through you.
- I don't understand.
- [team yelling over each other]
There's nothing to get
to the bottom of.
[team yelling over each other]
Enough!
We can do this.
We're prepared.
At least we know
Jarred's on top of things.
[Jarred sighs]
[light music]
Oh, come on, man.
Get the door decoder, get out.
- [door slamming]
- [Jarred gasps]
- [Christine gasps]
- Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Watch where you're going.
[Jarred] Look,
let me help you with these.
What are you staring at?
Um, uh, wow... [chuckles]
Lawnmowers.
Nice, nice.
You know, , people
are injured every year
by lawnmowers
in the United States.
Fact.
Um, you know,
lawnmowers remind me of,
"It's summer, get out
and cut the lawn!"
"But I'm watching TV, Mom!"
"Get out there!"
- [imitating lawnmower rumbling]
- "It's not working!"
"You've got to prime it,
you idiot!"
Yeah, clippings everywhere.
- Clippings everywhere.
- [Jarred panting]
- Right, give those to me.
- [imitating lawnmower rumbling]
I have work to do.
I hope to see you soon.
[sighs]
You used to be smooth.
That was rough.
What's happened to me?
[light dramatic music]
[car beeping]
[Stuart]
On the ready line. [clapping]
Come on, on the ready
line, everybody.
Okay, before we go, I would
like to say a few words.
This is absolutely hopeless.
That's not a good way
to start a speech.
Oh, how I regret my old friend.
Oh, no, that's perfect
for us because we
are absolutely hopeless.
Ah, yeah, much better.
What we are about to do
is often referred to as a con.
Now, what is con short for?
Utter confusion!
Computer output notification.
- Confidence?
- Yes, confidence.
And that is something
we don't have a lot of.
I mean, take a look at us.
We've got Annalise
whose positivity
is bordering on insanity.
We've got Vocal whose constant
voice training exercise
is threatening
to can the whole shebang.
We've got Ryan
who is the only person
I know with a driving license.
We've got Benny
whose irritating curiosity
kicked this whole thing off.
We've got Yiannis,
I still don't really know
if he speaks English or Greek.
Ah, yes.
This is a great pep talk so far,
Ashens, really great.
And of course, Cube,
who once got stuck
at a press any key prompt
because he refused to comply.
That was one time!
And most of all, me.
Some poor prat who turned
his hording problem
into an embarrassing career.
What I'm saying,
ladies and gentlemen,
is that we haven't had it easy.
None of us have been
blessed with good looks,
fancy contacts, or even
competent personal hygiene.
Speak for yourself.
But this is
what makes us stronger
than any other crew.
We are the No Confidence Crew.
We will not be beaten,
we will not be stopped.
And there is nobody else I would
rather do this thing with.
I like that. No Con Crew.
To the No Confidence Crew.
Yeah, it's got
a nice ring to it.
To a bunch of utter losers!
That speech made no sense.
- Okay, let's go, people.
- Woo!
[dramatic music]
[light music]
[Annalise]
This is so cool.
[computer beeping]
[Cube]
Okay, Ryan, punch it.
- [hand tapping]
- [van engine rumbling]
All right, people,
let's get ready to roll.
[video feed buzzing]
Annalise, check your camera.
- [helmet thudding]
- [video feed whirring]
I think you just broke that.
Yes, that's broken. Ditch that.
Okay, Team Soaring Eagle
of Destiny go to work.
You guys got this.
I just love
those three things so much.
Commencement.
[van door slamming]
- Okay, here we go.
- [keyboard clicking]
I am in the system
and taking over
the telephoney and the cameras
in three, two, one.
The clock is now ticking.
You've got minutes
to get in, get the package,
and get out before
the system resets
and you're all caught on CCTV.
Now, let's see what we can see.
Good evening, sirs.
Names please.
Okay, switching to shelf cam.
Uh, yes, we're here
to see Dr. Christine Ashen.
[security guard]
Okay, name please?
[Cube]
Zooming, zooming.
Oh, come on, move that paper!
- Name please?
- [Cube] Guys, the newspaper is blocking the list.
I repeat, the newspaper
is blocking the list.
Yes, we're scientists.
[Stuart]
From Sweden.
- Sweden, yes.
- [suspenseful music]
Fish, fishes.
Ah, that's well and good, sir,
but I'm going to need a name please.
[Cube]
Just say something.
Anything!
Sweden.
Yes, my name
is a series of words
which are preciously
Dr. Steve Wedding.
Yes, Dr. Steve Wedding.
[Cube]
Ah, Jesus Christ.
I'll check the list.
[suspenseful music]
Oh, Dr. Wedding.
Yes, you're on the list.
If you'd like
to step forward to the camera.
[Cube] Team Soaring Eagle of
Destiny, do you read me?
We're in position.
I am turning off
the electricity... now.
[suspenseful music]
[Annalise gasps]
[gate creaking]
[security guard]
Yes, hello, this is Desk Alpha,
I'm calling to confirm
visitor Dr. Wedding.
Yes, Desk Alpha,
I have your image.
I can confirm identity
of Steve Wedding and guest.
Access is authorized.
- That checks out, sir.
- Yes.
Here are your passes. If you'd
like to go down the corridor
on the left and up
on to the fourth floor.
[Benny]
Fish.
Something ain't right
about them.
[sniffing] I can smell it.
You said that four times today.
Nah, this time's different.
You said that three times.
Oh, there's trouble brewing.
Or my name ain't Jake Steel.
Your name isn't
Jake Steel, it's Kevin.
It's Kevin.
[Cube] Team Boiled Celery,
gear up and start making
your way down
to the Polybius room.
I hate this jumper, it's like
I have sandpaper on my nipples.
- Tell me about it.
- [Cube] Okay,
let's switch the phones
back to local control.
[alert beeping]
- Uh, here we go again.
- [alerts beeping]
Ah, Vocal, I can't disconnect the
call override without raising alarms.
If that phone rings,
you have to answer it.
- Okay, gotcha.
- It'll be fine.
- The phone's not going to ring.
- [phone ringing]
[sighs] Uh, it's Andrienna
Cavachuti from accounting.
She's calling a pharmacist.
I think this might be your bag.
They're my heist pants.
Um, hello there,
Amblem Pharmacy.
How can I help you?
Um, yeah, can I just pop you
on hold there, Miss Cavachuti?
[Cube]
Line two, John from HR.
He's calling his wife.
- [in young voice] Hello, dear.
- No, she's older than that.
- [in old lady voice] Hello, dear.
- She's not that old.
[in normal voice] Hello, dear.
Why not, I'll meet
down at the park.
Got the pups out the rain.
Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny,
do you read me?
Um, there are no, um, what...
- Screws?
- No.
Let me have a go.
Okay.
You can do this.
[grate creaking]
[suspenseful music]
[grate clanking]
Well, that was great.
No, thermal exhaust port.
Let's go.
[grate clanking]
[in French accent] Now,
Mr. Peterson, your colonoscopy
has been moved to Tuesday.
You actually have yoga tomorrow.
Team Boiled Celery, walk
straight up to the scanner.
[scanner beeping]
[female voice]
Greetings, Antony Agonist.
What fantastic hands you have.
[groaning]
Okay, we're in.
Are you sure
this is going to work?
[Cube] Well,
their facial topography system
is a little iffy, but I think
the hack of the face
database has worked.
Don't bother, Cube, I've got a
nice dependable low-tech solution.
What are you doing?
Follow my plan!
[scanner whirring]
- [scanner beeping]
- [female voice] Identity confirmed.
Your face looks amazing,
Antony. Really great.
[sighs] Unbelievable.
Yes, I had an accident.
No, it was my fault.
I really did a really bad one.
I did a boo boo.
Okay, we are still
waiting on Jarred.
What is taking him so long?
[groaning] Come on, man.
You can do this. Come on.
[deeply inhales] Blue skies in.
[deeply exhales]
Gray skies out.
[grunting]
I'm going in.
[door creaking]
- [Christine] Hello?
- Jarred.
What can I do for you, Jarred?
Well, I was just wondering...
what... um, how, how's it going?
I'm well.
How are you?
A bit plugged up actually.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
No, I'm sorry.
[whispering] Why does my mouth
and brain not work together?
Listen, if there
isn't anything else,
I have work to do.
I know what you're saying, Pat,
but you really need to
just take a step back
and have a look at it
from her perspective.
You know what I mean like?
Come on, Jarred.
You are the sweatiest,
slickest man I've ever met.
You can do this, mate.
Okay.
I could leave
or I could stay here...
and talk to you more.
And what do we have
to talk about?
Well, I want to talk to you
about that beautiful...
hunk of machinery
on the wall over there.
[Christine gasps]
You like lawnmowers?
Are you kidding me?
I love a lawnmower!
[chuckling] Man, a bit of
a collector actually, yeah.
Got quite a few
interesting pieces.
Tell me about your piece.
I mean, your lawnmower pieces.
Well, I'd have to say
my favorite would have to be
The Grassinator X Titanium.
There's just nothing better
than a ride-on mower, is there?
No, there isn't.
Sometimes I just feel
it, you know?
Just getting your leg over,
and then I take my time,
slowly easing into
that triple sprung
cushioned seat.
Nestle myself right in,
becoming one with it, you know?
Easing myself in there.
Getting comfortable
and then when I'm ready...
I turn on the engine and I feel
the rumbling underneath me.
Oh, the purring of potential.
- Oh, can you imagine that?
- Yes.
Well, now, imagine me putting
my foot on the pedal gently,
just to help the engine warm up.
- [Christine sighs]
- Then when it's ready,
I'm going to put
the pedal to the metal,
and I'm going to mow that lawn.
[Christine moaning]
Oh, man. Woo!
Now that is what
I call satisfaction.
Jarred, what are
you doing later?
[chuckling] Anything
you want me to.
Good man, Jarred. Well done.
Okay, we have to get
him out of there.
Can I put you on hold for
a minute there, Mr. Lawson?
I'm just going to call the hotel
in Lanzerotti on your behalf.
Excuse me one second.
You're needed downstairs.
I'm so sorry, I've got to go.
Security never takes a day off.
But I hope to see you soon.
Yes, very soon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[sighs]
[Cube]
Okay, get that over to Yiannis.
You have t-minus minutes.
I'm on my way.
[light dramatic music]
Oh, wait a minute.
Relocating the Polybius?
Who authorized this?
I'm going for a walk.
My instinct's twitching
something fierce.
I bet it is.
Uh-uh. Where is he going?
Wait up, wait up, I'm coming.
[Jarred]
Get this to The Cube, ASAP.
I will make
this occurrence happen.
- Christine.
- [Christine] I told you, it's Dr. Ashen.
What do you want, I'm very busy.
What's this about
moving the Polybius?
Yes, I have some concerns about
security in the Polybius room.
Let's go.
Explain. No, show me.
I'll see you there.
Look sharp, guys.
You got company coming your way.
[suspenseful music]
[door creaking]
- What are they doing here?
- I don't know.
My cowboy sense is tingling.
[security guard]
Kevin, can we just go back?
Not until
we've checked this area.
[suspenseful music]
Clear!
Unbelievable.
[sighs] Jarred and Annalise,
there's no way you're making it
to the override with
those two hanging around.
You need to deal with them and you're
going to need to do it quickly.
Count to and then
distract the guard.
- What are you going to do?
- Something I saw in a movie once.
There's movies about ironing?
Oh, good job, Yiannis.
- Yes.
- Okay, I go walking
- and be outlook.
- Lookout.
Ah.
[light dramatic music]
[Cube]
Now, the motion detectors.
Okay, gentlemen, the code
should be on the door.
It's all Greek to me.
That's not helpful, Ashens.
No, literally.
[Stuart] This is the most
bizarre security system.
Yiannis!
Cube, get Yiannis!
I do not believe your
free market is truly free.
- Sorry, give us a sec.
- I'll go find him.
Your food is unoriginal
and derivative.
One time we need him.
Cube, hurry up!
Don't worry, I'm on it.
Vocal, hurry!
Come on, guys,
the clock is ticking.
He's here, he's here, he's here.
Yiannis, what does this say?
[speaking foreign language]
Uh, turn the handle
left to open.
What?
[handle clicking]
Well, that was a lot less
complicated than I anticipated.
Yes.
Guys, guys, over here!
I need your help!
Wait, wait, wait,
something's not right.
- I'm going to call this in.
- Don't you dare!
This is my bust
and I ain't giving
anyone else the credit
for taking it down.
Kevin, don't go in there.
- It's Jake, Jake Steel.
- [suspenseful music]
I'm a security expert
trained in two martial arts.
I got the reflexes of a ninja,
the stealth of a cat,
and clean CRB check.
- [Annalise grunts]
- [Kevin gasps]
- [flesh squishing]
- [gasps]
[Jarred screaming]
[gagging]
Oh, God, Kevin.
Oh, what did you just do?
Oh, that didn't happen
in the movie.
- Ah, let's get out of here.
- Yeah, okay.
[Cube]
Go, go, go.
We need to get
this override pulled now
or this will all fall apart.
- Jake, I mean Kevin.
- [somber music]
Oh, that's not good.
This?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a flesh wound.
Ah, I got worse in 'Nam.
You didn't serve in Vietnam.
No, Nam,
my local Vietnamese restaurant.
I've had food poisoning
there multiple times.
- I'm going to call an ambulance.
- Not necessary.
- I'll be fine.
- Okay, let's get you up,
and we'll get you
a first aid kit.
Sounds good...
partner.
[Kevin groaning]
[timer beeping]
[door creaking]
- [lasers buzzing]
- Okay, now...
focus, Stuart.
You can do this.
Take a deep breath,
take your time.
Don't take too much time.
What I'm trying to say
is take exactly
the right amount of time.
Not too slow, but then
again, not too fast.
Don't rush, but also make sure
you don't dilly dally.
You'll only get
one chance to do this.
No pressure.
[Stuart deeply exhales]
[light dramatic music]
You've started well.
You've got ages to go though.
You're the slowest
man I know, Ashens.
[Cube]
Slower, Ashens.
Slower...
Ashens.
I believe in you, Stuart.
I'll support you always,
except in certain legal
eventualities.
[Stuart]
You're not helping.
You're almost there now,
but you could still screw it up real bad.
Really not helping.
[heartbeat pounding]
- [suspenseful music]
- [button clicking]
[female voice]
Lasers deactivated.
Have a nice day.
[Cube]
Fantastic!
Now, Soaring Eagles,
just pull the override
and we'll be able to
remotely hot wire that door.
[override switch creaking]
We have liftoff.
- Yes.
- Nice!
We are in position.
[Cube] All right, Ashens,
I am sending you the signal now.
[Vocal singing]
Say again, please repeat.
Where is that coming from?
I've isolated
all possible sources.
[Vocal singing]
Sorry.
Okay, Ashens,
I'm sending the signal
through... now.
[lock dinging]
[door clanking]
[female voice]
Proceed with extreme caution.
Shall we?
[dramatic music]
How dare she move
the Polybius without me.
How dare she!
[timer beeping]
[dramatic music]
[Polybius beeping]
Give me a second here.
Hi, I'm Stuart.
I think you've been
expecting me.
So, you're
Father's favorite child?
You don't look so great to me.
- [suspenseful music]
- [static buzzing]
- Ashens?
- Oh, oh, sorry.
How long have you been there?
I came into the room with you.
I mean, I've been here
the whole time.
I was standing just there.
I mean,
I was a couple steps back.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- How long have we been in the room?
- Five or ten.
- Well, that's how long
I've been, I've been
here as long as we've,
because we came in
together when...
Sorry, sorry. [sighs]
- [light dramatic music]
- [Polybius beeping]
Let's get this thing.
Uh, just tip it
towards you, yep.
- Okay, to me.
- Three, two, one, go!
[both groaning]
I can't.
Oh, oh, that ain't moving.
[both panting]
So, I've noticed
a flaw in our plan.
Yeah.
[gasps] Give me
your screwdriver.
Cheers.
- What are you doing?
- Hang on.
Yes, right here. Ah.
[Polybius power whirring]
This is all we need. The rest
are just standard components,
but this
is the key to everything.
Good thinking.
The eagle is in the nest.
I repeat, the eagle
is in the nest.
- What?
- [Stuart] I mean, the Polybius is in my hand.
I've, I've got the Polybius.
Well, I don't want
to spoil your fun,
but we've got five minutes
until the system resets,
and the CCTV catches us.
So, get out of there!
[timer beeping]
[light dramatic music]
Hello, Dr. Ashen.
You must obey me.
I am your boss.
I am the boss of bosses.
Come on, Anton, you got this.
You're the man!
You are the man! Hey!
How you doing?
How, uh, long have you
been standing there?
Never mind, good.
Go with that.
Yeah, we're just sightseeing.
And your building's brilliant.
Great job, we're going now.
- Bye.
- [Antony] Wait.
[suspenseful music]
I get it now.
You're trying
to steal the Polybius!
[light dramatic music]
And now I'm here
to ruin all your plans.
No wonder your dad left
you all those years ago.
[dramatic music]
[lasers buzzing]
Benny!
What are you doing?
Thank you very much.
You lose again, Dr. Ashen.
[laughs]
[dramatic music]
Wait, did your best friend just
betray you?
Oh, my God, that is too much.
Your whole life people have been
letting you down, haven't they?
You loser!
[dramatic music]
You're not going
to get away with this.
You, you loser.
[dramatic music]
No!
- [alarm blaring]
- [Antony gasping]
- [metal thudding]
- [Antony groaning]
- [bell dinging]
- [Antony groaning]
There's something
for your fifth autobiography.
You d*ck.
[camera feeds beeping]
[Cube] All right, uh,
Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny,
and Team Boiled Celery,
everything's going well.
We do have a few alarms, so everyone
needs to get out of there right now!
- [alarms blaring]
- [female voice] Intruder alert.
Intruder alert.
Authorities notified.
[Cube]
Two minutes!
[timer beeping]
[female voice]
Upper quadrant lockdown.
Please scan again to deescalate.
[suspenseful music]
[scanner beeping]
Database reconfiguring.
Please do not move.
Scanning, scanning,
scanning, scanning,
scanning, scan complete.
Hello, Simon Pegg,
media ambassador.
- One minute left.
- [timer beeping]
[helicopter whirring]
[police sirens wailing]
[suspenseful music]
Where are they?
Did they make it out?
Cyber Ops is down.
Cyber Ops is down!
Oh, fine,
eye in the sky is down.
My overrides have been
completely shutout.
I can't access anything.
This isn't part of my plan.
Well, it is now, mate.
Come on, Cube, do something.
[timer beeping]
All right, what would Ashens do?
[groans] I've got an idea.
Wait, Ashens, stop.
We've got police heading
to the front door.
Head down the stairs, then
directly to sub-exit -P.
I'm going to get Vocal
to clear the security guards.
Unit Alpha, the intruders
have been spotted
in the east wing.
[Cube]
seconds.
Unit Omega,
move to the west wing.
Unit Zeta, move down
to the basement.
[suspenseful music]
- [Cube] Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
- [timer beeping]
- ...five, four, three, two, one.
- [suspenseful music]
[helicopter whirring]
- And they are out of there.
- Yes!
The babies are thrown out
with the bath water.
[Jarred]
Nice one, Cube.
[Annalise]
Let's go!
[tires screeching]
Come on then, let's see it.
I don't have it.
What do you mean
you don't have it?
I mean, Benny stole the chip.
He played me like a fiddle
or a cello or a double bass
or some sort of bloody
stringed instrument.
[somber music]
He betrayed us.
- What are you saying, I...
- Enough!
Stop the van,
just stop the bloody van!
[gravel crunching]
[somber music]
Ashens, where are you going?
[Annalise]
Stuart, come back!
He is no longer in the vehicle.
[somber music continues]
[coin tapping]
[knocking on door]
I keep telling you we're not
that kind of collections agency!
Hi, Stuart.
Oh, hi, Chris.
What are you doing here?
Drop it, Stuart. I saw you on
CCTV and I figured out the rest,
including Jarred.
Look, I'm sorry,
I couldn't tell you...
I don't want to
talk about it now.
I take it Benny running off
wasn't part of the plan?
I'm sorry.
Stuart...
why do you want the Polybius?
Well, you know,
it's very dangerous,
- isn't it, and...
- Stuart, come on.
[sighs] I thought
if I could get hold of it,
then maybe it would
give us some peace.
Uh, maybe I could work out why it was so
important that he had, he had to desert us.
[Christine sighs]
[tracker beeping]
- How?
- I'm not as naive as you think I am.
It's called GPS.
As soon as you started sniffing
around I put a bug on it.
Now, what are you going to do?
First, I've got
some people to apologize to.
[knocking on door]
I love this crew.
Honestly, you're the nicest
people I've ever met.
Everybody leaves me.
[sighs] Just as I was
starting to like him.
[Stuart sighs]
So, I'm sorry I stormed off.
I needed some time to think
and there's something
I want to say.
I know I haven't been
the easiest bugger to work with,
but what we just pulled off,
the most amazing heist ever,
is something
we can all be proud of.
Now, I know where Benny
and the Polybius are.
I'm going to go and get it,
and I would love it if you
would finish this job with me.
Betrayal made you quit.
Hope brought you back.
[hands slapping]
It has been
an honor and pleasure
to work with you.
Of course we will.
Okay, here's the plan.
[light dramatic music]
[tracker beeping]
- [door creaking]
- [wrench clicking]
Benny.
Ashens. You surprise me again.
Why'd you do it, Benny?
Oh, I don't know, Ashens.
I got tired of your arrogance.
Of you always wanting
to control everything.
All I wanted
was my name on the door.
And even that was
too much for you.
If I'd have known it meant
that much to you, Benny,
- I'd had your name tattooed across my chest.
- What?
Tattooed?
I said, I wanted it on the door.
Yeah, no,
I was emphasizing a point.
Ah.
Yeah, I get it.
Anyway, a few months ago
I was approached by someone
who did see
the value in my work.
At last, my name
would be famous!
Who?
Oh, I think you might know him.
[suspenseful music]
Hello, boy.
Daddy?
Stuarticus.
It's just Stuart now,
just Stuart.
Or should I call you Ashens?
No, let's not.
Stand up straight, boy.
I must congratulate you
on retrieving the Polybius.
I could never recapture what
went into my original work.
And with my limited resources,
I was unable to get the chip
without your help.
Your little friend Benny
was very helpful
in facilitating that.
Why didn't you ever
try and contact us?
Because I couldn't
compromise my security.
The m*llitary
are still looking for me,
but now that I have
a fully operational Polybius...
I can finish what I started!
Nothing was more important
than the Polybius.
Not even your own family.
Stuart, this is the
culmination of my life.
How could I look you and
Christine in the eye as a failure?
What we needed was our father!
Perhaps.
[somber music]
I have a proposal for you.
I would like you to join me.
In what?
After my final test,
I... we are to embark
on a wondrous journey!
Why are you still testing?
- I don't understand.
- What do you mean?
Can't you see
how important this is?
No.
No, I can't.
After all these years
it's pointless.
Look, I know that
this is important to you,
but it is not important to me.
Just as a suspected.
There was always a little
too much of your mother in you.
Take him up.
- [wrench clanking]
- [body thudding]
[panting] No!
- [thunder booming]
- [dramatic music]
[game keys clicking]
[thunder booming]
Wake him up.
Look, son, look at
what I've created for us.
With this I shall be
able to test the Polybius
on every person playing a game
- for thousands of miles.
- [thunder booming]
[Stuart]
Chris, what are you doing here?
[Christine]
I followed you here from...
Daddy?
- Daddy, is that you?
- Oh, good.
So you were able to join
us after all, Christine.
So nice to have us
all together again.
What's going on?
You are both about to witness
something truly amazing.
After all these years,
at last my final test.
No, you can't!
It's too dangerous!
I have awaited this moment
my whole life.
- The time is now.
- [thunder booming]
[game keys clicking]
[suspenseful music]
- Benny!
- [Benny] Sorry.
Sorry.
[cord creaking]
Get the extension lead, man.
Sorry, it's all the drama.
- [dramatic music]
- [machine whirring]
[Polybius beeping]
At last, the hour
of greatness is upon us.
- [Polybius beeping]
- [machine whirring]
Yes, yes! [cackling]
[suspenseful music]
[electricity buzzing]
[game dinging]
[man groaning]
[electricity buzzing]
[man groaning]
[man gurgling]
[man groaning]
[machine whirring]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
What's happening?
How did they take it offline?
[light dramatic music]
Okay, we have to shut it off.
I'll just unplug it.
No, if we cut the power
the capacitor will pulse
and that could k*ll
anyone affected.
We need to short it out somehow.
Chris, do you still
have the Ashen coin?
[light dramatic music]
[coins clinking]
[Polybius whirring]
[electricity zapping]
[Jonathan]
No, no!
What have you done?
Father, Father, we have to go.
No, I can't come now.
Come on, let's get out of here.
[electricity zapping]
Go, go, go, go, go.
[game keys clicking]
Go.
[electricity zapping]
No!
[suspenseful music]
No!
I'll lose it!
[expl*si*n booming]
- [man groaning]
- [electricity whirring]
[sighs] Woo!
Woo.
[alarms blaring]
[expl*si*n booming]
What happened to father?
Did he make it out?
I don't know, Chris.
I... I don't know.
Why? Why did he do it?
We'll never know, but it
doesn't matter anymore.
You know that.
I suppose it doesn't.
Come on, we should go.
No, thanks. I think I'm going
to go home and figure out
what to do with my life.
You know what you're
doing, Chris. You'll be fine.
Thank you, Stuart.
[sirens wailing]
[Stuart] Come on, guys.
In the van and back to the warehouse.
- [Geoff] Well done, guys.
- [applauding]
Come through, you
beautiful people. You did it.
Come on through, come on
through, come on through.
I'm so proud of you guys.
Stuart, I knew you could do it.
Chef didn't believe
in you one second.
He said, it was a waste
of time and resources.
There's a weird tension
between you guys,
but I, I always believed in you.
I'm sure you did, Geoff.
Right, I think this calls
for a drink to celebrate.
- [crew cheering]
- I second that.
Way ahead of you, man. Chef?
- [crew gasping]
- Oh, fancy.
- You're going to love it.
- It's cheap rubbish.
[Jarred] Is it Cava?
I think it's Cava. Is it Cava?
- Something's dead in mine.
- Well, I would like
- to propose a toast.
- Here, here.
- Hey!
- I like toast.
Um, may I?
Sure, go ahead.
Good luck, mate.
Um, uh, we have...
uh, no, um... [clears throat]
We've done what
no one else could.
Certainly what no one
else thought we could.
Our success
is testament to our skill,
commitment, and teamwork.
And I just wanted to say what an absolute
pleasure it's been to meet you all,
and a real privilege
to work with you.
Cheers.
- [team] Cheers.
- [glasses clinking]
Whoa, Yiannis, your English
has really improved.
Oh, thank you very much. Yes,
the cassettes really were very effective.
Well, enjoy
each other's company, everyone,
because this is the last time
we can all be together.
Uh, what about
the Pub Quiz next week?
- Oh, yeah.
- I forgot about that.
Yeah, I heard the prize this
week is a tray full of meat.
- Oh! We can't miss that.
- Well, no, of course.
Guys, guys, guys, so,
Pub Quiz next Wednesday,
and that is the last time
we can all be together.
No, I've got a group voucher
for the bird sanctuary.
- They've got eagles now.
- [Annalise] Soaring eagles!
Oh, it's totally my destiny
to see those eagles.
- [crew cheering]
- I did it, yay.
- I did a callback.
- Ah, snap.
[Stuart] Right, best plan is
reckon is check the group calendar
and the last thing booked in,
that will be the last time
we can all be together.
- Unless somebody gets one of those bus tickets.
- Hey, guys, come look at this.
[reporter] The possible illegal
practices of Antony Agonist,
the trading of shares of his
company has been suspended
while he's been put on leave
by the board of directors.
- [crew laughing]
- Agonist now faces financial ruin...
- [Annalise] It's so good.
- [Jarred] Can you believe it?
[Geoff] What a loser,
I'm going to buy his company
- just because I can.
- [Jarred] Pay your taxes.
I take it that was your doing?
Well, your unfound accusations
about me leaking
gave me the idea.
I just got all his personal
files and released them.
Thinking of calling
myself CubeLeaks.
- Like files, not physically.
- Got it.
Yeah, you understand,
you get it, yeah?
I understand exactly
what you mean,
and I just wanted
to say thank you.
We couldn't have
done without you.
No, you couldn't and
you're welcome.
[man]
Hello, everyone.
[Stuart]
Hello, fella, good to see you.
- What happened to the other guy?
- Oh, he d*ed.
It's very sad.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- How much money did you get?
- [bucket thudding]
Uh, , pound.
What?
- [change rattling]
- Money!
I love money!
- Turns out people really love heists.
- Well, that was unexpected.
- What are we going to do with the money?
- We could go on a holiday.
One of those sun-filled
happy family holidays.
Yes, those are never
stressful or cause tension.
Yeah, I could with a holiday.
Where should we go?
Oh, what about Grimsby, oh
Grimsville, uh, Grimesville?
I've always wanted to go somewhere
where it like sounds like that.
[Jarred]
Fun fact about the word grim,
it derives from the old
Dutch word meaning fisherman.
And be means village.
Fisherman's village. Facts!
[Yiannis] Um,
what's my Visa status by the way?
Am I settled or not? I'm still
rather confused about your country.
- [light dramatic music]
- [video games beeping]
[man] Do you have the
following comic books:
"k*ll Avenger Number ,"
"Hunter Force Number ,"
also do you have
"New Detective Comics ,"
the special edition
in the Old English language?
Also, why have you not moved the
comic to the front like I asked?
I said last week it would look so much
better if you just them in the front here.
I don't know why you never listen to me.
I literally know what's best for the store.
I've been going here for years.
I just want satisfaction, okay?
As a customer and someone
who would work here.
I just want satisfaction.
Satisfaction, satisfaction!
[Benny screaming]
[light music]
[woman]
I like your 'touche.
Thank you, I grew it myself.
[man purring]
Don't tell anyone I was here.
Get your signed
autobiographies here
about the famed
but now totally bankrupt
entrepreneur, Antony Agonist.
Not ghost written
like many autobiographies.
Got any vinyl?
[Antony]
Do I have any vinyl?
Do I have any vinyl?
Does it look like
I have any vinyl?
- You losers!
- Go!
- [fists thudding]
- [Antony groans]
Oh, I wish people would
stop doing that to me.
I'm a genius!
I'm a freaking stable genius!
I hate it here.
Everything's so used and old.
[Antony gasping]
[dramatic music]
[gentle music]
[letter rustling]
[giggling]
- [phone buzzing]
- [dramatic ringtone ringing]
- Hello?
- Hello, Jarred?
Oh, Christine.
Look, I am so sorry
about what happened.
You've been
a very naughty boy, Jarred.
Oh, oh, I have been naughty.
Really naughty.
Will you forgive me?
Convince me.
Well, picture us
mowing a lawn together,
with an old school
rotary mower. Sweating.
[Christine]
Oh, Jarred.
[upbeat music]
[man]
Goodbye.
Ashens and the Polybius Heist (2020)
Moderator: Maskath3