07x20 - Local Knowledge

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

MUSIC: 'Catch Us If You Can' by The Dave Clark Five

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ Time to get a move on

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ We will yell with all of our might

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Now we gotta run

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ No more time for fun

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ When we're getting angry

♪ Mm

-mm

-mm

♪ We will yell with all of our might

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can... ♪

You must be lucky in love, Fred.

Cos sure as hell, you'll have no luck at this game.

Have we met?

We have now.

How come you know my name?

Well, it's this amazing ability she has.

She can tell what people's names are just by looking at 'em.

Oh, yeah? So what do you want?

We can put you onto a surefire winner... if you're interested.

Oh, aye.

And we feel sure you will be,

knowing the state your finances are in.

Oh. Katie, darling! What are you looking for?

Dolly.

Well, she's in the kitchen. You know I wouldn't pack Dolly.

There you go. How are we doing?

Oh, Nick, it's chaos. The passport still hasn't arrived.

It will.

And what are we going to do about the farewell party?

We can't have it here, not with the place in such a state.

I'll have a word with Gina. See if we can have it in the pub.

Exciting, isn't it?

Yeah, if you don't have to do all the packing.

Great. Thank you very much.

Any luck?

Charlie Harris. Said he can help us out,

so long as we pay full market price.

Oh. We need to shift a few of these then, quick. You take half.

That's a bit more than half, Alf.

Oh, well. If you want to be picky.

Morning, gents.

Oh. Ten bob, please.

What for?

Er, widows and orphans. We're holding a raffle.

Oh, right.

Ten bob?

You get of these tickets.



- What's the prize?

- It's a mystery.

We're holding the draw at Nick's leaving do.

Well, can I pay you tomorrow?

No. We need the money now, I'm afraid.

So what exactly happened then, Mr Clegghorn?

Well, it all started one Monday night about a month ago.

Oh, yeah?

I were just locking up,

and suddenly I heard this noise coming from my barn.

What sort of noise?

A sort of groaning noise.

And then a creaking.

Sort of noise a beam makes

when there's something heavy hanging on it.

Did you go in?

Oh, aye, but I saw nothing.

And then, last night...

What happened?

Well, as you know, we had a right storm.

As I was opening the door of my barn...

there were a great flash of lightning,

and just for a second I saw it!

- Saw what?

This figure,

swinging slowly to and fro from a beam.

And then it were gone, and all were quiet as the grave.

Apart from a chattering sound, of course.

You what?

From your top set banging on your bottom.

Oh, you can mock, Greengrass. I'd expect nowt else from you.

Here they are.

Nathaniel Clegghorn. Pleased to meet you.

My car's outside, so you can follow me.

Lead on, then.

Who are they?

They're from the Paranormal Research Institute.

The what?

They go round investigating ghosts.

Waste of time.

They keep lurking on the stairs, sniffing.

One of them said there's a strong smell of ectoplasm here.

It's probably them meat pies you had left over yesterday.

Mr Clegghorn's dead serious.

He's planning on charging a shilling a head for guided tours.

You what?

He's done a deal with a bus company.

Haunted Yorkshire Excursions.

Has he?



- Morning, Mrs Thorpe.

- Morning.

Are you all right?

Just getting me breath. I won't be a minute or so.

Well, you take care then.

All set for Canada then, are we?

Yeah. If we ever get there.

Why? Is there a problem?

Well, when Jo and I went abroad, didn't put Katie on the passport.

But you have now?

It's not back yet.

Anyway, this is our forwarding address.

Well, you'll have to fill in this form.

Why is it I'm not surprised to hear that?

There you go.

Hello, Sergeant.

What are you doing here, Turpin? I thought we'd seen the last of you.

I had this irresistible urge to look up some old faces.

You should have tried Wakefield Prison, then.

How about you? Did you fall or were you pushed?

Something you wanted, was there, Turpin?

Aye.

How about a stamp for this?

Gladys.

Thruppence.

Thank you.

Friend of yours?

Jimmy Turpin, late of this parish.

I don't think I know him.

No, he was before your time, Nick, but I knew him. Very well.

One of the highlights of my career was putting him inside.

Well?

It's a little early to say, Mr Clegghorn.

We haven't detected any signs as yet.

You should have been here last night.

That's often the way.

But sadly we can't write up the case

until the phenomena has been witnessed

by at least two members of the institute.

What am I to tell folk?

I were expecting you to back me up over this!

Well, just say it's under investigation.

But it is official, then?

Oh, yes. A bona fide institute investigation.

That's good enough for me.

Can I help?

No.

My name's Neil Bolton. I'm a doctor. Is anything wrong?

No. No, thank you.

I'm... I'm just resting.



- Mind if I join you?

- No.

I was just looking at the surgery.

Oh.

Do you live in Aidensfield?



- Yes.

- Whereabouts?

T'other end of t'village.

Well, I'm going that way. I could give you a lift.

No, thank you. I'm all right on my own.

Let me give you a lift anyway.

All right.



- Here. I'll take this.

- No.

Shift as many as you can, love.

I'll do my best, Alf.



- GINA: Yes, sir?

- Is George in?

He retired about six months ago. Can I help?

You can stay close to the till, for a start.

Good to see you too, PC Ventress.

It's a room I was after, love.

Well, then you're in luck. How many nights?

Erm, just a couple. You know.

Right. And the name is?

Turpin. Jimmy Turpin. Just like d*ck Turpin. You know.



- Related, were you?

- I wouldn't be surprised.

You live alone, do you?

Since Harry died.

Doesn't anybody come in and give you a hand?

No. Never needed nobody, neither.

I just haven't had time to side up yet.

How old are you, Mrs Thorpe?

As old as my tongue, and a bit older than my teeth.

A gentleman would know better than ask.

Yes. I'm sorry.

Well, look, if there is anything you need, I work up at the hospital.

Right.

Right.

Well. Bye, then.

Bye, then.

How long have you got those digs for, Mike?

As long as I want. Well, a fortnight's notice, I think.

You'd better give it then.

Cos you're taking over from me in Aidensfield.

When you've finished what you're doing, we better get over there.



- Can I have a word, Phil?

- Sure.

Did you want that job, Phil?

I don't know, I hadn't thought.

Bradley's only been here five minutes.

I don't know how long he's going to stay in the area,

and Alf's not gonna stick around forever.



- They need you here.

- Minding shop.

No, I think it's more than that. They want someone they can rely on.

They haven't even appointed a new sergeant yet.

You should do the exams.

Yeah, well...

It's all go, innit?

Back again, Claude?

I want a word with them research people. Are they back?

GINA: Not yet.

I'll have a Scotch while I'm waiting.

Make it a large one, Gina. And get me another as well, love.

Jimmy. I thought you were dead.

Aye. Some mornings, I think I am.

You're usually up to summat, so what are you doing here?

Oh, a bit of this, bit of that. You know, Claude.

INVESTIGATOR: What would you like, Felicity?

Excuse me a minute. I want a word with somebody.

Excuse me. They tell me you're with the psychic people.

The Paranormal Research Institute.

Yeah, that's right. I think you ought to have a look at my place.

Cos it's ever so old. If you think Clegghorn's got ghosts,

I've got ghosts like he's got mice.

Oh, yes?

If you'd drop in, I can introduce you to a few of 'em.

Well, we have to write our report on Mr Clegghorn's manifestation first.

But as we're here, we could come over this evening.

Right. Lovely.

Right then, Jonathan. You know what to do, don't you?

You wait for my signal.

And if you get it right, it'll be a tenner for you. All right?

Good lad. There we are.

Have you sold any boxes of chocolates today, Mr Blaketon?



- No.

- Nor me.

There was definitely three boxes this morning. I set 'em out myself.

And now there's only two.

And there were some matches beside 'em. They've gone as well.

Well, they've been lifted. Don't you worry about this, Gladys.

I'll deal with it.

The house was built by one of my ancestors,

who was a little bit friendly with the Lady Ashfordly of the time.

And I'll tell you the truth.

I've got a feeling it's her that's actually the white lady.



- Now, this is interesting.

- I thought you'd like it.

Yes. Let's take a look in here.

That's my bedroom and I've not changed the sheets.

Yes. I can certainly feel something.

How about you?

Yes. There's definitely a cold spot here.

It'll be the crack in the window.

I hope.

Mind you don't trip over.

Now, Lady Ashfordly was done to death on that bed.

Not actually that one,

because it's had two new springs and three new mattresses,

but that's, like, where it was.

And this is where you see her?

Mainly, yeah. Yeah. Either that or out in the corridor.

It all depends what sort of mood she's in.

It's strange. I can't feel anything.

Nor me.

No. That's probably cos she's having a turn outside.

She's like that. She comes and goes.

She doesn't have a definite timetable.

Shall we go and have a look?

Mind the thingamabob.

So, Gladys didn't actually see him nick this stuff?

No, but it has to be him. Turpin can't stop himself.

If nobody saw him, we can't do anything about it.

I'm not asking you to, am I?

All I'm doing is letting you know that he's back

and up to his old tricks.

Right.

Funny thing, though.

It's the first time since I retired

I really missed having stripes on my arm.

Well, I best be getting back before something else goes missing.

We don't want a crime wave breaking out

two days before you leave now, do we?

Too right. I've got enough on getting the paperwork up to date.

Keep your fingers crossed, then.

Once a copper, eh, Sarge?

He's not a bad man to have on your side, Mike.

What's that, a friendly warning, is it?

Well, you'll find out soon enough.

Especially when he hears you're moving in.

Mind where you're treading. There isn't much light out here.

You mentioned a headless horseman?

What? Yeah. He were riding over here

when he had his accident.

I thought you said he m*rder*d his wife.

Yeah, but he had his accident

when he were on his way back home, you see.

It were probably one of them days.

Are these appearances linked in any way?

No, not so's you'd notice.

They turn just sort of up, hang about a bit and then push off.

So, there's no regular pattern?

Not as far as they're concerned.

But you do sometimes get summat up in the top field, there.

I believe it's a dog. It's the Hound of the Ashfordlys.

You know. I think it comes looking for its dead master.

Look! There!



- Where?

- Where?

Hey, look! There he is!

MUSIC: 'Money (That's What I Want)' by The Searchers

♪ The best things in life are free

♪ Well, you can give that to the birds and bees

♪ But give me money

♪ (That's what I want)

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want)

Do you think it'll be OK?

No problem.

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want)

♪ Your loving give me such a thrill

♪ But your kissing don't pay no bills

♪ So give me money (that's what I want)

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want)

Is that him?

That's him, all right.

Oh, look, Katie. You got a card from Granny.

NICK: Do you want me to open it for you?

Yes, please.

Any sign of the passport?

No, not yet.

Well, I'll phone the passport office again.

If they sent it, I'll have a word with Blaketon.

How can he help?

He can check with the local sorting office.

There you go.

What does it say?

It says bon voyage. And the teddy's got a suitcase like yours.

JO: You don't think we're going to have to speak French, do you?

Hope not.

I checked with Gina. It's OK to use the pub.

Oh, great. I'll go and see her and arrange some food.

I, er, I gather that you were looking for me yesterday.

I was, yes.

Do you know a woman called Sarah Thorpe over in Aidensfield?

I know of her. Must be in her s by now.

Well, I picked her up in the village yesterday

and drove her home.

I couldn't believe the state her house was in.

Oh?

Why isn't she getting some help?

What are you suggesting, Neil, that it's somehow my fault?

You are the district nurse for the area.

Yes, but, you see, the unfortunate thing is

that I can't actually see through solid walls.

I'll go and visit her this morning. I'll make my first call.

Good.

I do hope you realise that if nobody draws my attention to these things

I can hardly be expected to respond.

SHEEP BAAS

The white lady's upstairs. The headless horseman's round the back.

The hound's in the top field. A shilling a head.

Thank you very much.

Nice to deal with a gentleman. Take any pictures you like.

Ladies, shilling a head. Thank you very much. Very kind of you.

Thank you. Thank you, my love. Thank you very much indeed.

Hang on, you want some change, love. Here you are. That's it, sweetheart.

What are you up to, Greengrass?

Knitting a brick. What does it look as if I'm up to?

I'm showing a few of my clients round my estate.

So if you want to see the phenomena, it's a shilling a head.

Those are my trippers, that's my money you're taking!

What are you talking about?

There's nowt to say I can't show a few people round a place

that's a bona fide haunted house, is there?

Your place ain't haunted!

Course it is. As verified by the paranormal people.



- What?

- Yeah.

So you can stick that in your pipe.

And if you don't believe me, you can go and ask them.

Flipping right, I will!

Mind you don't tread in the ectoplasm.

It's a shilling a head, love, thanks very much indeed.



- You all set, then?

- Piece of cake.

Hey. Is this your car?

What do you think?

Right. You'll need somewhere quiet to stay the night.

I think I know just the place.

You're saying you're happy to tell people this is genuine,

but you're not convinced about my Great Uncle Simeon?

Well, pending investigation, yes.

What's he got that I haven't got?

Quite a number of interesting phenomena.

We may be here some time.

Now. If you'll excuse us, we have a lot to do.

DOOR SLAMS

CHUCKLES

KNOCKING

Good morning, Mrs Thorpe.

Morning.

I'm Maggie Bolton.

I know who you are.

Could I come in for a minute?

Well, what for?

Oh. You know. Just a bit of a chat.

Oi! You two! Call yourselves investigators?

You've been had!

Hey. Just because your Great Uncle Simeon's a dead duck,

don't think you can come round here casting aspersions

about my officially authenticated paranormals.

One moment. What are you implying, Mr Clegghorn?

I'm implying nothing. I'm telling you!

Come and have a look at this!

Excuse me!

Hey! Hey! Excuse me!

Luminous paint, in't it?

There's a whole pot of it on the shelf over there.

So I've got a bit of paint. What does that prove?

Look at the marks on the floor!

Happened to spill a bit of paint on your dog, did you?

I think, perhaps...

...under the circumstances...

That's all it is, in't it?

Circumstantial.

I gather you've been living on your own for some time, Mrs Thorpe.

Been checking on me, have you?

We're not the KGB. I'm just here to help.

I don't need any help.

Well, all I'm suggesting is somebody

to come round and do a bit of cleaning and dusting for you.

I can manage my own dusting, thank you.



- What about meals

-on

-wheels?

- I don't want charity.

Have you had any breakfast yet?

I'm not hungry.

Well, I'd love a cup of tea

and I'm sure you can manage a piece of toast.

I suppose so.

Good.

Follow me. Up the road, first farm on t'right.

And don't stop for any other con men trying to pull a fast one!

Sorted you out, Greengrass, didn't I?

I thought you said this place were quiet.

Morning. It's a shilling a head.

I beg your pardon?

White lady's upstairs. Headless horseman's round the back.

We were told you had a room to let.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd come to see the ghosts.

Ghosts? This house isn't haunted, is it?

What? Oh. No, no, no. Just a bit of a misunderstanding.

What name were it?

Smith.

Really? Both of you?

You'd better come inside.

MAGGIE: Neil.

I thought you'd like to know I went to see Mrs Thorpe this morning.

Oh.

And I've arranged for her to have a home help and meals on wheels.

I trust that meets with your approval.

Don't be like that, Maggie.

Well, what do you expect?

Look, from now on, I promise not to tell you how to do your job

if you don't tell me how to do mine. OK?

Oh, one more thing.

Jo and I hope you'll be able to join us for a drink

tomorrow night at the Aidensfield Arms.

What time's kick

-off, Sarge?

I'd say seven o'clock.

And I'm right in thinking drinks are on you, am I?

I might just buy the odd one, yeah.

Hey! Hey! Any news from Charlie Harris?

Oh, yeah, Mr Harris did call earlier, for Alf.

MIKE: He was asking what time you're going over to his place.

Something about you collecting something.

Sort him out, will you, Phil. Tell him to deliver to the pub,

unless you want to be done for misuse of police property.

Not exactly the River Suite at the Savoy.

I always said your dad were a sadist.

Mm. This is definitely the place he mentioned.

The old boy's a bit odd, in't he? All that stuff about ghosts.

Ah, well. It's only for one night.

So have you decided what sort of food you want?

Yes, I made a list.

I'll help on the night.

JO: Thanks, Maggie.

Hello.

Hello.

Look, I wasn't having a go at you this morning.



- Weren't you?

- No.

Well, maybe just a bit. But not you.

OK, if the authorities aren't informed,

they can hardly be held responsible but...

she has neighbours, for goodness' sake.

People like Mrs Thorpe make absolutely certain

that the neighbours never even get in through the front door

to see how bad things have got.

You managed it.

It's my job to! Once I know.

Point taken.

Maggie, what I'm really trying to say is sorry.

Sorry.

Would you at least let me buy you a drink?

OK. I'll have an orange juice.

Jo, can I get you something?

I won't, thanks.

I just popped in to sort out the party tomorrow night.

Come along, if you like.

Well, I'm on duty but if I can swap with somebody I'd love to, thanks.

Great. See you then.

Ta

-rah, Jo.

NEIL: Will you be at this shindig?

Oh, you try keeping me away.

MOANING AND CLANKING

Who's there?

WAILING

DOOR OPENING

Is anybody there?

Thank you.

Now, then.

MUSIC: 'Money (That's What I Want)' by The Searchers

♪ Money don't get everything that's true

♪ But what it don't get I can't use

♪ Give me money (that's what I want)

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want)

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want)

♪ So give me money...

Oh. Morning, Fred.



- Morning, Mr Blaketon.

- Thanks.

♪ That's what I want

♪ Yeah, give me money (that's what I want)

♪ Give me money (that's what I want)

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want (that's what I want, yeah)

♪ So give me money (that's what I want)

♪ A lot of money (that's what I want)

♪ Yeah, give me money (that's what I want)

♪ A lot of money (that's what I want)

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want. ♪



- I'll go with her.

- MAN: All right, love.

How are you feeling?

Oh, I'm all right. More to the point, how's Mrs Thorpe?

Oh, she's still pretty shaky.

GLADYS: Here you are, Mr Blaketon. Have a sip of this.

Oh. Thanks, Gladys.

Did you manage to get a look at them at all?

Well, they were early twenties, medium height, dark hair.

That's about it. It all happened so quickly.

Oh. I did manage to get the number of their car, though.

Right, get on the blower to Ashfordly,

tell them to check it out straightaway.

Right, Sarge.

Mind you, it's probably nicked.

At least it's somewhere to start.

Strange how they went for the one mailbag.

No, not really. It was the one with the money.



- How much?

- £ , at least.

It comes over from the Accounts Branch once a week,

pay out the pensions.

So how did they know which bag to snatch?

How, indeed.

I've changed my mind.

I beg your pardon?

I said I've changed my mind.

The barn's not haunted. I don't want folks poking about in it.

But yesterday you were adamant.

Well, that were yesterday, weren't it?

Right now, as far as I'm concerned, the show's over.

Yeah. That's Bravo, Echo, Yankee...

Six, two, eight.

BELL RINGING

I want to make a complaint against Claude Greengrass.



- What's he done now?

- Trespassing.

Frightening the life out of people. And he's cost me money!

Oh, dear. We're on uncertain ground here, Mr Clegghorn.

You see, trespassing's a civil matter.

Are you the regular driver of this run, Mr Pearson?

Usually, yeah.

So you'd be aware that one of the mailbags contained cash?

Of course.

Do you deliver at the same time every week?

Yeah. Regular as clockwork.

And who else would know about that?

The people at Post Office Accounts.

Any members of the public?

It's hardly something we advertise, is it?

So what's your theory on how they knew which bag to take?

Some sort of tip

-off, I'd say.

Certainly not from me, if that's what you're suggesting.

Why would we suggest that, Mr Pearson?

No reason. I just thought you were. That's all.

So when you turned up here, did you notice anybody hanging about?

No. The street was empty as far as I remember.

Well, that's all for now. We will need a full statement later.

Right.

How's the old girl, the one they knocked over?

We're still waiting to hear from the hospital.

What sort of people would do that to an old woman, eh?

That was Bellamy on the phone. The car they used was nicked.

So what with one thing and another, a pretty nifty operation.

With Turpin's fingerprints all over it.

Thanks, Mr Turpin. See you again soon, I hope.

Sure.



- There you go.

- Thank you.

You going somewhere, Mr Turpin?

Home, actually, Sergeant, if there's no law against that now.

I suppose you've heard our local post office has been robbed?

Really? No. I hadn't heard.

When was that, Nick?

Earlier this morning.

So where have you been for the last hour, Mr Turpin?

You surely don't think I had anything to do with that,

do you? A man my age?

Just tell us where you've been.

Here. Having breakfast. Right, Gina?



- Yeah.

- You're quite sure about that?

I'm positive.

And very nice it was too, love.

I'm gonna recommend your establishment to all my friends.

So, if there's nothing else, Sergeant, I've got a train to catch.

I do so hate getting there at the last moment, don't you?



- Where are you living these days?

- Rochdale.

The address is in Gina's book if you want it.

Now, I really must dash.

Oh, when you see Mr Blaketon,

give him my heartiest commiserations, won't you?

OSCAR: 'You let him go?'

We've no excuse for holding him, not even for further questions.

Cast iron alibi for the time of the robbery.

Doesn't mean to say he didn't masterminded it.

We've got no proof.

Even if he was behind it, he wasn't very clever, was he?

What do you mean?

Putting himself around Aidensfield the way he has last couple of days,

and even turning up at the post office.

Perhaps that's the idea. Knowing he was gonna have a cast iron alibi.

Don't get mad, get even. That was always his motto.

Could you see him doing that?



- Robbing this place to get even?

- I'll say I could.

It was your husband I really wanted to speak to

but I expect you may be able to help.

What can I do for you?

The surgery his late wife used in the village.

I gather it's on the market again.

That's right. The people who were renting it moved out

so he put it up for sale.

Is there any chance of taking a look at it?

If I can find the keys.

I hate to put you to any trouble at a time like this.

That's OK. I could show you around if you like.

I could do with a break from the packing.

Great.

ALF: Do you recognise this, Claude?

No. It could be anybody's.

Where were you at ten o'clock last night?

In bed, on my own, with a book.

So you weren't in Clegghorn's supposed haunted barn,

frightening him half to death?

I've got better things to do than try to put the wind up Clegghorn.

It were probably his Great Uncle Simeon.

Yesterday we had people in complaining

about fraudulent advertising of haunted houses.

Today, we had Clegghorn bending our ears

about you costing him money.

So we don't want to hear any more nonsense about ghosts in Aidensfield

from you, Clegghorn, or anybody else. OK?

PHIL: End of story.

Not really what you're looking for then?

It's a bit cramped, I'm afraid.

What did you have in mind, or is it none of my business?

There's no big secret about it.

I just don't plan to spend the rest of my life

working hours a day in hospitals.

Aidensfield could do with its own resident GP again.

I see. At the moment we're looked after

by one of the Ashfordly practices.

Yes, but they're only filling in.

So you're looking for a house with a surgery.

Yes. My own village practice.

And Aidensfield is just the sort of place I was looking for.

But maybe you don't agree if you and your husband are moving out.

On the contrary.

There are lots of things I'm going to miss about Aidensfield.

I know I will.

They've found the getaway car.

So?

Clean as a whistle. Quite an operator, is this Jimmy Turpin.

Are you sure he was behind it?

Blaketon is. He may be prejudiced, but he's probably right.

Well, this time tomorrow, it'll no longer be your problem.

I know. Hey. Look what I found.

Oh. The passport! Thank goodness.

So... Canada, here we come.

Certainly looks like it.

You're not having second thoughts, are you?

No. It's just...

I'm going to miss Yorkshire.

Yeah. So will I.

We are doing the right thing, aren't we, Nick?

Yeah, of course we are.

You'll love it there. We all will.

And if we don't, there's always Australia.

I do love you, you know.

I'll be off now, then, Mr Blaketon.

All right, Gladys.

Oh, Gladys...

Did somebody leave this here by mistake?

No, that's Mrs Thorpe's from this morning.

Do you think I should drop it off?

No, that's all right, Gladys.

You can leave this with me.

Ah, Mr Clegghorn. What can I do for you?

I've got a bit of information, Mr Blaketon.

Oh, aye?

Them villains that did over your shop yesterday.

They reckon in the village it were a young couple.

That's right.

And the car they drove off in, weren't it green?

Aye. A green Ford.

Fancy!

Only, I saw a green Ford yesterday.

Were a young couple in it.

Where was this?

Hang on a minute, Greengrass isn't into v*olence.

But you must admit, it's quite a coincidence.

Yeah, all right. I suppose I'd better have a word with him.

Well, under the circumstances, I think I'd best come with you.

And what circumstances would those be?

Well, if the villains are still out there,

I'll be on the spot to ID them for you, won't I?

Don't know how many times you need telling.

Jimmy Turpin had owt to do with it.

He certainly never said owt to me.

Come on, Greengrass. You've been closer than the Corsican brothers

ever since he got here. He must have said something.

Tell us about your visitors last night, Claude.

What visitors?

Young couple in a green Ford.

They were tourists,

just looking for somewhere to put their head down for the night.



- Did they stay?

- Yeah.

NICK: And what time did they leave this morning?

Very early. They didn't even bother to have any breakfast

and I told them it was included in the price.

If only they knew what a treat they'd missed.

I don't know what you're doing here, Blaketon.

You're not even a copper anymore.

NICK: Do you remember the number of the car they were driving?

Come on! I stopped collecting car numbers before he went senile.

Anything like that one?

I don't know. I told you. I never even noticed.

What was the name of this couple?

Mr and Mrs Smith.

OSCAR: Very original.

You should talk.

Did you get their home address?

No, I didn't do owt like that because they only stopped the night.

You do realise, Greengrass, you're required by law to do that?

Why don't you go and sell some stamps?

Did Mr Smith have a first name?

I suppose so.

Do you know what I think, Rowan?

I think he's lying through his teeth,

cos he was in on it with 'em!

Look. All I did was put 'em up for the night.

But if it's that important, I know the woman's name.

cos it were like my favourite film star.

Well, go on, then.

Mitzi, like in Mitzi Gaynor.

Mitzi?

That means something, does it?

Here we are. Mitzi Turpin.

Dearly beloved daughter of Jimmy Turpin.

You did the lot of them, didn't you, Sarge?

Aye. I saw them all sent down.

What did she get?

She was sent to an approved school,

since when, of course, she's graduated

to bigger and better things.

Anyway, I'll leave all that with you now, Nick.

I'm sure you've got time to clear it all up

before you climb onto your plane!

Thank you.



- You'll like this one.

- Thanks, Gina.

MUSIC: 'From Me To You' by The Beatles

It's enough to bring you out in a rash, isn't it?

What is, Claude?

Being in the same room as so many coppers.

Michael. They tell me you're going to be Aidensfield's new policeman.

That's right, Claude. So I don't want any trouble.

Hey. Snap. I'd buy you a drink, but it might be misconstrued.

Hey. Snap.

Not bad for a copper!

So, how are you feeling?

Nervous. Terrified, actually!

Wish I was going to Canada at the weekend

with anyone half as nice as Nick.



- Really?

- Absolutely.

I'm going to miss you so much, Maggie.

Invite me over sometime.

Quite fancy a fortnight in a log cabin with a sexy Mountie.

Oh, yes? I don't think I'll bother, then!

Oh, I got a message from Neil.

He's managed to get somebody to stand in for him,

so he'll be over later.

Great. It'll do him good to meet a few more of the locals,

especially in view of his plans.

What plans?

To take over Kate's old practice in Aidensfield.

Hasn't he mentioned it?

No.

No, he hasn't.

Evening, Mrs Thorpe.

Oh. It's you, Mr Blaketon.

Aye. How are you feeling?

All right.

Look. I understand this shopping bag belongs to you.

Yes. That's right.

Well, do you think I could come in for a minute?

Yes. All right.

I were going to pay for 'em. Honest, I were!

I've...

I've never taken anything in my life.

I'm sure you haven't, Mrs Thorpe.

Look. Erm...

Why don't you keep these things?

But just this once. Hm?

MUSIC: 'My Generation' by The Who

You're late, Sarge.

Well, better late than never. Where's my drink?

There's still money behind the bar.

Hello.



- You got my message?

- Yes.



- Is something wrong?

- No.

You've been talking to Jo Rowan, haven't you?

Have I?

Look, for what it's worth, I was going to tell you.

Just kept slipping your mind, did it, Neil?

I didn't know how to.

Why not?

I was worried you might get the wrong idea.

Think I was trying to move in on you again.



- And are you?

- No, actually.

Well, that's all right, then.

Because believe me, you'd certainly be wasting your time.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Can I have your attention, please, everybody?

Thank you. Thank you, everybody.

Now, we all know why we're here tonight.

Nick and Jo are off to Canada.

And we've known Nick for a few years now.

In fact, some of us remember him first coming up North.

He all thought we all had straw in our hair.

We all thought he had a Southern chip on his shoulder.

But by and large, I'm sure we all agree,

Yorkshire's done him the power of good.

Now he's off to make a fresh start in the Rocky Mountains

with Jo and little Katie.

And I know they'll be happy, and we all know we'll miss them.

But, whatever they do, we know they'll be as loved over there...

as you are here.

But before I ask Nick to say a few words,

there is some serious business to attend to.

We're holding a charity raffle,

and er, well, I'd like Alf to do the draw. Please, everybody.

APPLAUSE

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's the box of raffle tickets.

And the winning number is... .

And the winner's Nick Rowan.

Step forward, Nick. Your prize is just coming in.

LAUGHTER

GREENGRASS: Leave it.

Just what we always wanted.

Well, thank you very much. It's the least I'd have expected from you.

LAUGHTER

Hey, Claude? Want to take this off my hands?

Might do.

Seven quid to the widows and orphans fund.

Seven quid?

Just think of it as a thank you

for the happy times we've had together.

Have a nice trip.

MUSIC: 'Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying' by Gerry and The Pacemakers

♪ Don't let the sun

♪ Catch you crying...

Look after yourself, then.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

All the best.

And remember to wrap up well.

We reckon them Canadian winters can get really parky.

Bye, love. I'm going to save up and come and see you.



- Bye, Gina.

- Ta

-ra.

Best of luck, mate.

And to you. Thanks.

♪ The nighttime shadows disappear

♪ And with them go

♪ All your tears

♪ For the morning will bring joy

♪ For every girl and boy

♪ So don't let the sun

♪ Catch you crying

♪ Oh, don't let the sun

♪ Catch you crying

♪ Don't let the sun catch you crying, oh, no

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪