08x07 - Give A Dog A Bad Name

[bunniefuu]

# Heartbeat

# Why do you miss

# When my baby kisses me?

# Heartbeat

# Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? #

Come on, boy. Come on. Come on, lad.

Come on, lad.

Come on.

Drink. Have a drink.

Have a drink.

I'll phone the vet.

NEIGHS

MUSIC: 'I Pagliacci' by Leoncavallo

TELEPHONE RINGS

GASPS

Josh Roberts.

I'll come straight over, Jim.

MUSIC CONTINUES

TYRES SCREECH

Maniac.

NEIGHS

Come here.

SNORTS

Hold on.Whoa! There we are.

HORSE WHINNIES

It's serious colic. He's in agony.

I'm going to have to settle it now.

Good evening. Sergeant Craddock, Ashfordly Police.

Oh, aye.

You'd best go in.

Go on.

Is this estate wagon yours?

No. It's Josh Roberts', the vet.

Perhaps you'd tell Mr Roberts I'd like a word.

He's busy.

g*nsh*t

Bad do.

Sorry, Jim.

This fella wants a word.

Oh? Sergeant Craddock, Ashfordly Police.

Craddock? You must be new.

- Fairly new, but we have met. - Oh?

I'm terrible on faces. Animals, yes. People, no.

We met on the road. That was me you forced onto the verge.

Now you mention it, I remember someone hogging the road.

Have you consumed alcohol, Mr Roberts?

- What? - I smell alcohol on your breath.

Oh.

A policeman with a strong sense of smell, Jim!

If you have a turn of pace to match, we should tell the hunt master.

- Have you been drinking, sir? - And what if I have?

It would be a serious matter.

I've just put down a marvellous animal.

That's a serious matter.

Notwithstanding the sad event...

Notwithstanding nothing!

Can't you see you're intruding on grief with your nit-picking?

If I were you, Sergeant, I'd let the matter rest.

# Woke up this morning feeling fine

# There's something special on my mind

# Last night I met a new girl #

You sure this is the best place, Mr Greengrass?

Yes, it is. County Show starts about ten.

They'd be screaming past here then.

Why don't we get a stall on the show ground?

That way we'll catch everybody's eye.

Including the bloke who takes the rent.

This way we cop the clients before they even get there.

Don't cost us owt.

Oh, I see.

When you're laying this stuff out, try not to be too tidy.

They like a bit of genuine rustic charm.

If anyone ask, you sheared the sheep for the rugs

and your mum whittled the wood for the walking sticks.

I can't tell lies like that, Mr Greengrass.

It's not lying, David. It's called retailing.

Does anyone know what this is?

I just wondered.

Since the new breathalyser law came into force,

we've failed to secure a single conviction.

Division are asking if this patch is being overrun by Methodists.

All my tests showed up negative, sarge.

And mine, sarge.

Sarge, those of us who have been here a while,

we have got used to Division townies.

They know nowt about policing a rural beat.

Meaning?

Well, folks around here need some sort of a social life.

So, we look the other way, while they mow people down.

No, thank you, Ventress.

I want results and if that doesn't suit the odd local, too bad.

Right, on your way.

- Bradley, a word. - Right, sarge.

What do you know about Josh Roberts, the vet?

Only what I've heard. He's well regarded. Knows his business.

Take the first opportunity to pull him over.

What, to breathalyse?

I had with him last night. He's permanently pickled.

- Hello. - Hiya. It's Sue Driscoll.

I'm here to see Sergeant Craddock.

Oh. Shame that.

- Sarge! - CRADDOCK: Yes?

Miss Driscoll to see you.

Ah, yes. Come through to my office.

Through here.

- Here. - What for?

You're dribbling.

# I walked her home and she held my hand

# I knew it couldn't be a one-night stand #

Hi, David. How's business?

We're just waiting for the rush to start.

- Claude left you on your own? - Oh, aye. Yeah.

She's in the village. She'll be back in a minute.

How much is this?

It's on my list.

Three pounds, ten shilling.

What? Three pounds and ten shillings for a stick?

Well, it's locally made, like.

- In Taiwan? - Aye.

Mr Greengrass said it was just up the road.

Yeah. And on a bit.

What about the rugs?

Two pounds.

Once Miss Driscoll has updated the filing system

and satisfied all of my secretarial requirements,

she may be free to help in the duty room.

Great! It's just my typewriter's well knackered.

Since she'll be in the duty room,

I hope you'll choose your words with that in mind.

Er, sarge, where exactly in the duty room will Miss Driscoll be located?

If we're doing our job properly, three men shouldn't be in there.

It's a duty room, not a smoking club.

And if the occasion demands you're all here together,

you'll have to budge up a bit.

No trouble. Miss Driscoll can have Mike's desk.

- Hey? - You've got one in Aidensfield.

And I'll bring it with me, Phil.

When you're here, you can share mine.

Positive thinking. Thank you, Bellamy.

Hello, there.

Who are you waiting for, then, eh?

You haven't even got a lead or a collar, have you?

- CLAUDE: That's how I want it paid. pennies, sixpences,

two shilling bits!

- That's right. - I give pensions out here,

- not fodder for slot machines! - Slot machines?

Got yourself a little friend?

What are you talking about? There's a dog outside.

Nothing to do with me.

- SHOPKEEPER: What colour is it? - WOMAN: White.

Oh. Not him again!

I fed it scraps two days ago. It's been hanging round ever since.

CLAUDE: Funny, it don't look that mad.Oi, you! Off!

Which is more than I can say for you, Claude.

Fancy leaving David with that stall!

What stall?

He set up a stall on the road to the county show

and left David in charge.

- What's wrong with that? - He hasn't got any change.

I was just trying to fix that.

- Now I get it. - He'll be OK. The stall's set up.

- It don't need us both there. - Here we are. Done.

- What's this? - That's your pension.

- And the change I asked for? - In my till. And staying there.

I should have known better.

I hope that dog bites the hand that feeds it.

He'll go to the pub and raid our float.

Still, I can't complain. I got some good bargains.

Bargains? Off Greengrass?

I don't know whether David's getting the prices right. Wasn't asking.

TYPEWRITER CLACKING

Is that the time? It's really flown today.

It's generally the case when everything's new to you.

Yeah.Well, I suppose so.

I'm just going to say cheerio to Sergeant Craddock,

then I'll be on my way.

Oh, by the way, I've put some mugs to soak in some bleach.

Just to see if we can get them looking something like.

- Something like what? - Clean, Alf.

SIGHS

The Spinners in concert. Tickets for the show next week.

- You'll never guess. - What?

She's only gone and washed the teapot!

DOOR CLOSES

Right, I'll see you all tomorrow, then.

See you soon.

- See ya. - VENTRESS: Bye, Sue.

A breathalyser purge?

- Off the record. - You'll be popular.

Well, tell your regulars to be sensible

if they want to keep their licences.

There you are, Josh.

That goes for you, too, Josh.

In moderation and all. You know me.

MUTTERS

- Hello, Paul. - Ah, Mr Ventress. How are you?

I'm well, thanks. And yourself? Is Whitby suiting you?

- Yeah. Fine, thanks. - Your dad's waiting for you.

He's looking forward to seeing you. He misses you.

- How is he? - He's a bit lonely.

More friends than you can count, but erm... well, you know...

since your mum died.

Anyway, it's good to see you.

Thanks, love. Ta.

CASH REGISTER PINGS

Yes, dear. What would you like?

- A view of the bar would be nice. - You're late.

- Half of bitter, please. - Hang on, Mary.

No son of mine drinks halves.

Half.

How are things?

Well, so-so. You?

Fine.

So, why the call?

Can we find a seat somewhere?

Don't tell me you're drinking halves and sitting down!

Cheers.

So, what's up?

One of the vets is leaving the Whitby practice.

The others have offered me a partnership.

Oh.

Expensive?

Yeah.

That's why you're here.

- Money. - Yeah.

- Do you get on with them? - Yeah, more or less.

More than you get on with me?

You must want your brains tested.

This is hard for me, Dad.

So make it easy.

You could have a partnership with me for nothing.

We tried working together.

Things will be different now.

It's no use, Dad.

If you don't want to lend me the money, say so and I'll go.

And I won't mention it again.

Mary, love, two more of the same.

I'm all right, thanks.

There's someone on the phone for you, Josh.

It sounds urgent.

- Why are you doing this? - Look...

I'm only asking you to think again.

No!

Fine.

Have the money.

Take the cash and run.

ENGINE STARTS

A Western. That's a good read.

Haven't you got anything classy?

Classy?

Yes, like a Dickens or a Du Maurier.

Du Maurier isn't classy.

It's about an inch thick!

What do you want, a book or a doorstop?

TELEPHONE RINGS

Aidensfield Police. PC Bradley speaking.

You saw Roberts do it? All right. Leave it with me.

ENGINE STOPS

Mr Roberts. Constable Bradley.

Oh, Constable. What are you doing here?

I was waiting for you, actually.

Oh, sounds ominous! Come in.

I got a call from someone

who said they saw you at the Aidensfield Arms.

Oh, yes?

They said they saw you reverse your Volvo

into a bicycle.

whilst trying to manoeuvre out of the car park.

Bicycle?

Yes, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.

- Didn't see or hear anything? - No.

The person was sure it was your car.

Well, what can I say?

I was called out on an emergency.

My mind may have been on that.

How badly was the cycle damaged?

It'll certainly need some straightening out.

Don't we all!

I'd better pay for it, hadn't I?

That'll be very kind. I'll tell the owner.

Very well, Constable. Case closed.

BRADLEY: Not quite, sir. Had you been drinking?

What sort of a question is that? It was a pub car park.

Can I pour you one?

No thank you, sir.

I don't think it's wise if you have one.

What?

It might distort the result.

If you flaunt the laws on drinking and driving, sir,

sooner or later you'll be caught and disqualified.

Disqualified?

The only vet in a ten-mile radius of Aidensfield?

Don't be daft!

It's an absolute offence.

The bench has no discretion to be lenient.

Oh, dear!

Is that in Sergeant Craddock's little red book?

If you've met the sergeant, you'd know how keen he is.

That's not the word I'd use.

- Mr Roberts... - So...

If you've done...

Constable.

Don't fret about Sergeant Craddock.

I'll deal with him.

A heaven-sent opportunity to show we mean business

and you fluffed it!

He poured a drink as soon as he arrived.

Shouldn't have let him get in the house.

I asked for results and I meant it!

Sarge.

Right, I've had a complaint from Lord Ashfordly

about a stall Greengrass has set up on the road.

He reckons it's causing an obstruction.

- Have a look, Bellamy. - Right, sarge.

Mr Blaketon wants someone to collect a stray dog.

A stray dog.

Docile, he says. But he would, wouldn't he?

Right, get on with it.

HORSE WHINNIES

- Morning, Josh. - Morning.

How's your day?

Oh, nicely, I reckon.

Thanks for coming.

You'll be on hand if we need you?

Yeah, of course, police committee.

- Hello, John. - Hi, Alf.

- Hi, Alf. - Peter.

He'll be fine. Any doubts, give me a call.

Oh. Come for your jabs, Constable?

Hello, Peter. What's the problem? Come in. This way.

HORNS HONKING

Busy?

- Aye. - You're a bit of a hazard.

You'll have to push the stuff back.

MAN: Excuse me!

Can you hang on a mo?

Two pounds.

Another satisfied customer.

Aye. Even Mr Blaketon's bought something.

He told us not to tell Mr Greengrass, though.

WOMAN: Excuse me. How much is this?

Let me guess. You want the station polecat neutered.

What's his name, Craddock?

No. I want someone put to sleep.

- Who? - You.

I reckon you need two weeks solid. You look whacked.

What's up, Alf? I'm busy.

You've had a run-in with Craddock

and one with Mike Bradley.

Maybe it's third time unlucky.

So, what do you suggest?

Leave off the turps.

I'm a one-man band, Alf,

on call day and night, seven days a week.

Do you expect me to give up my only comfort and go teetotal?

Craddock's not gonna let this go.

Why don't you give it a rest?

Alf, if a farmer said I couldn't do my job,

I'd maybe listen.

As it is, I'll take my pleasure when I choose.

How long's he been hanging around?

About a week.

Somebody must be missing it.

OSCAR: If it was someone in the village,

he'd have surfaced by now.

Come on, lad. Let's be having you. In you go.

I'll put a card in the window, just in case.

They're so itchy. They're driving me mad.

They're bite marks, Gina.

I thought they might be.

Have you a pet at home?

My Auntie Mary's got a cat. Why?

I'm fairly sure they're fleabites.

SIGHS

Come on. Let's have you out.

There's we go. Who's a lovely dog?

Let's get you in here.

Come on! Come here!

I'll come back with some grub for you later.

Sarge, I've got a farmer on the phone going crackers.

He's expecting a visit from Josh Roberts.

Roberts says he can't move till we give him the OK.

What?

Unless we breathalyse him first.

Roberts' idea of a joke, is it?

I've got the farmer hanging on.

I understand your vet is insisting

we test his fitness to drive.

If he's made himself unfit to do his job,

that's no concern of ours.

Kindly leave this line free for proper police business!

Yes, so I suggest you find yourself a vet

who can turn up sober.

That's torn it.

Ah, Constable,

back again so soon!

Brought your little box of tricks?

Good lad, eh? Good lad.

HORN HONKS

You lunatic!

What are you up to now, Claude?

- What do you mean? - See that car?

Just about, cos he was speeding.

Been in the pub?

Sometimes your powers of deduction amaze me.

Been drinking, have you?

No. I've been making a delivery.

You won't mind blowing into this, then.

Well, what's the verdict?

% proof.

Is that enough?

All right, Claude, it's negative.

Disappointed, are we?

In future, keep your eye on other road users.

How long's this gonna take?

- It depends. - On what?

If we can catch them.

I'm dehorning and castrating his bull calves.

My shift ends in an hour.

Jim,I've brought a mate.

- Hi, Alf. - Oh. Hello.

Better put those on.

The quicker we finish, the sooner you can be away.

What's that for?

Local anaesthetic.

Hurts us more than it does them, Alf.

MUSIC: 'The Lincolnshire Poacher' by The Spinners

# Oh, when I was bound apprentice

# In famous Lincolnshire

# 'Twas well I served my master

# For nigh on seven years

# Till I took up to poaching as you shall quickly hear

# Oh, 'tis my delight on a shining night

# In the season of the year

# Oh, 'tis my delight on a shining night

# In the season of the year

# As me and my companions was a-setting of a snare #

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING

BELLOWING

Oh, it's still no good.

Call Josh. Tell him we've got an oversize.

Get him now or we'll be losing both!

TELEPHONE RINGS

SIGHS

Josh Roberts.

I'm sorry, Sheila. I'm under orders.

But we've still got time.

You'll have to get onto the man

who matters in this part of the world.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Craddock.

Who?

What?

Listen, who gave you this number?

This is a private number.

He may be waiting, but I'm sorry,

I can't assist you any further.

SIGHS

HORSE BELLOWS

What's up?

I'll have to collect him myself.

Why?

There's no time. We'd better do what we can.

Come on, girl.

Stay. Stay.

HORSE BELLOWS

- Shh, shh. - Steady.

Shh. Shh.

BELLOWING

ENGINE REVVING

HORSE BELLOWING

TYPEWRITER CLACKING

I know you've got a lot on,

but if you have time,

do you think you might type that up for me?

- Sorry, Phil, I can't. - Oh, too busy.

No. It's just, erm...

I can't read your writing.

Where's Craddock?

- Still in bed very like. - What's the matter?

Don't gentlemen us. Fetch him out here.

- In connection with what? - m*rder.

- What m*rder? - The m*rder of a calf.

And who knows what else if he has his way. Go on!

- We know he's here. - You two, just calm down.

We'll calm down when we've had our say.

What's going on?

- Showing your face, are you? - You are?

Jackson. You spoke to my wife last night.

Ah, yes.

Had the vet waiting, but you had to have your beauty sleep.

We had none and a dead calf.

- And you're blaming me? - Who else?

- Why not try a vet? - I have.

He was waiting for one of your men to call.

You think I run a taxi service?

- You did before. - MAN: What?

Alf Ventress drove him over to my place yesterday.

- Is this true, Ventress? - Yes, sarge.

Try serving this community, instead of blighting it.

I serve this community by enforcing the law

without fear or favour.

And no favours for farmers, eh?

- Nor vets. - Come on.

We're wasting our time.

Does it ever occur to you that alcohol

might affect Mr Roberts' ability to carry out his job?

We don't need you, Craddock, but we need him.

We've brought a reminder of that for your doorstep.

Leave what you're doing, Sue. I want to dictate a letter.

DOOR CLOSES

Ventress.

- Yes, sarge. - I suggest you find a shovel.

- Is it a rash? - No, no, no.

Have you a pet, Oscar?

I had a cat, but when I moved

to the post office it did a runner. Why?

They're flea bites.

Flea bites!

It's that ruddy dog!

Read that back to me, will you?

"To the secretary of the Royal College

"of Veterinary Surgeons. Dear sir..."

CASH REGISTER PINGS

Any more of this and retirement

starts to look an attractive proposition.

You and Mrs V all day together?

It wouldn't work, Alf.

It's a risk.

I'd have to keep the weedkiller on a higher shelf.

Probably see out a year or two.

- I want a word with you. - Oh?

For making foul insinuations about my cat.

Maggie, I'm sorry. Could I have a word?

Yes, of course, Alf.

- Make mine a half. - Right.

Gina was for using a hoover on the poor thing.

I'm sure it wasn't her.

If it's any consolation, I think you may be right.

I don't think either of them will climb down.

- And who's right? - Well, Sergeant Craddock.

The law's the law.

He's just not putting it across right.

What about Paul?Could he talk some sense into him?

They're barely speaking.

You know what Josh was like after Maddie died.

Paul stuck it as long as he could.

I was wondering, Maggie. You wouldn't talk to Josh?

If you think it would make any difference.

Oh, thanks very much.

What's the matter with you?

Something's eating me alive.

What?

There you are, Maggie.

It's only instant, I'm afraid.

Dash of something to cheer it up?

Oh. No thanks.

So, do we do this standing up or sitting down?

What? The lecture.

That's why you're here, isn't it?

I'm here as a friend, Josh.

- Who sent you? - Another friend.

- Oh! So many friends! - Yes, you have.

You need to stop working so hard.

I can't. It's all I've got now.

Besides, I get fed and watered wherever I go.

Fed and feted, you mean. Why are you drinking so much?

I gather the foreplay's over.

Why the drinking?

I like it.

More than when Maddie was alive?

Yes.

Much, much more.

People think a lot of you, Josh.

They look up to you, they respect you.

But more than that, they depend on you.

And together we'll get rid of this man, Craddock.

It isn't going to happen. He's only doing his job.

Ah!

Keep on like this

and you'll have more dead calves on your conscience.

You think that was my fault?

Wasn't it?

You need a break. From that at least.

SIGHS

Hmm.

Lecture over?

Will you try?

Oh, your doctor fella is a lucky man, Maggie.

Pity.

I had schemes for you, myself.

Will you try?

You can tell the man Craddock I'll be as good as gold.

Well, you can tell him yourself.

There's a stray in the station kennel

they want you to take a look at.

- It's in here. - Right.

Hello, lad.

Let's have a look at you, eh?

-Fleas? -All right! Keep it down.

Well, how many fleas?

How do I know? They don't put their hands up to be counted!

What's wrong with the dog?

Well, we're not sure.

We thought it might be

an opportunity to build bridges.

Right, who's paying?

Don't you normally send a bill?

Credit to them that earns it.

Pay Mr Roberts out of the station float.

Yes, sarge.

Cash on the nail, eh? Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

My pleasure.

- How much, Mr Roberts? - A couple of quid will do.

Is that all?

Aye. There's nothing wrong with it.

- What, no, er... - No. Clean as a whistle.

Grand little dog.

Yes. It's perfectly possible.

Flea eggs could stay dormant in a rug

until the temperature rose enough to hatch.

But don't jump the g*n, Oscar.

You could be imagining it.

Where's Craddock?

He's had to go out. Why? What's happened?

The two-faced weasel's complained

to my professional body!

A -year unblemished record

and he questions my competence!

Well, you can tell him from me,

all bets are off!

Oi, where are you off to?

I'll be back in time to clock off.

Gina!

Scotch. Large.

Dan, what's happening?

She's struggling, sir.

What's the problem?

I don't know. Could be a breach.

Steady, lass. Come on.

Cheers.

The trouble with Craddock is

he don't realise we use this stuff as fuel in these parts.

Let's face it.

I'm not drinking this Scotch because I'm enjoying it.

No, of course not.

Not at these prices, anyway.

TELEPHONE RINGS

LAUGHING

Aidensfield Arms.

Yes. Who shall I say?

Oh. Just a moment, My Lord.

CACKLING

Josh, Lord Ashfordly on our phone.

SIGHS

Right.

What do you mean, you can't come?

I'll send one of my men.

No.

Unless it's Sergeant Craddock,

I'm not moving.

I'm away now, Bellamy.

Right, sarge.

- Is Ventress not back yet? -No, sarge.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Ashfordly Police. I'll just try and catch him.

It's Lord Ashfordly, sarge.

Craddock.

GINA: Ta-ra, now.

Gina.

Hiya, Neil. What can I do for you?

I popped in to pick your brains.

That's what I call a chat-up line.

LAUGHS

You don't happen to know

where I could get a sheepskin rug, do you?

Yeah. I do, actually. And at a good price.

I don't know what's going on between you two

and I don't much care.

Josh Roberts has never let me down.

I'm relying on you to see he doesn't fail me now!

What's up?

He's gone to round up Josh Roberts from the pub.

Oh.

There's been an emergency at Ashfordly Hall.

Ashfordly Hall?

CASH REGISTER PINGS

'Ey up. 'Ey up. The Llandudno lad.

Mr Roberts.

Sergeant Craddock.

You know why I'm here.

Oh, yes. I do.

You're here because the man at the Big Housesaid, "Jump!"

I am here out of respect for the Chairman of the Bench.

And I suggest you follow suit.

- Time for another, Claude? - Ah, go on, then.

-No. We go now! - Lord Ashfordly expects.

Lead on.

Oh, for pity's sake!

It's all right. I'm all right.

GINA: I think he banged his head.

Maybe we should leave him, Claude.

CLAUDE: Get him a brandy.

CRADDOCK: Don't you think he's had enough already?

Come on, son.

I'll be all right once I've got in the car.

CRADDOCK: Oi.

Oi!

What? What?

Oh, stay with it! Come on.

You've got work to do.Oi!

SIGHS

ENGINE STOPS

We're here.

HORSE WHINNIES

Roberts.

- Roberts, we're here! - What?

Oh, for goodness' sake!

Hello?

- Hello? - MAN: Who's that?

Sergeant Craddock, sir.

-With the vet. - Down at the end here.

One or two problems. He's in the car.

You're too late, Craddock.

Oh.

Josh's son, Paul.

He's just delivered me a fine foal.

Ah.

One of your men contacted him.

Alf Ventress. I'd come back to see Dad.

Sorry to trouble you, Sergeant.

Ah. A bit under the weather.

Come on. Josh, old boy. Come on.

What? Right. What's happening?

No need, Josh. Paul's here.

Paul.

Alf Ventress said you needed a hand.

He got here just in time.

Make sure you keep him now he's back.

Come on, Sergeant. Let's wet the young un's head.

Oh. I, er...

- Darjeeling do you? - Thank you. Yes.

FOAL WHINNIES

Thanks, lad.

COUGHS

- I'd have struggled. - Of course you wouldn't.

You could have done it in your sleep.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Thanks, anyway.

- You've banged your head. - Have I? Where?

Ah, come on. Let me take you home.

CLAUDE CLEARS THROAT

ENGINE STOPS

Morning, Claude.David.

CLAUDE: Dr Bolton, what brings you here?

I suppose you could call it a public health matter.

How do you mean?

I hear you've been selling sheepskin rugs.

We might have. Why?

- I'm interested. - Why? Do you want to buy one?

Who knows?

I've got a terrible feeling we're sold out.

No, no, Mr Greengrass. We've got lots more in the shed.

Ah, good.

DR BOLTON: Is this where he's been sleeping?

DAVID: Aye. Sort of a guard dog, like.

Why are you asking all the questions?

I think he's brought in some friends with him.

- CLAUDE: What? - Fleas, Claude.

I've treated three patients for fleabites

in the past few days

and they all bought sheepskin rugs from you.

Give a dog a bad name, is it?

It's just as likely Alfred got the fleas off the rugs!

DR BOLTON: I'm not here to argue.

But if I were you I'd keep the unsold stock

and give Alfred a spring-clean.

Doctor, Doctor...

Doctor, these patients of yours,

are they likely to say owt?

Not in polite company.

And at two pounds a rug they still got a bargain.

Two quid? What's he talking about?

Cost me more than that.

I mean, look.

Any idiot can see that's a seven, can't they?

ENGINE STARTS

David?

David!

WHISTLES LORD OF THE DANCE

Thanks, Phil.

Hey, Phil, any chance of coming

to the end of that tune?

I'm sorry, mate.

I can't get it out of my head. It's, er...

It's a Spinners number.

- Do you like 'em? - Like 'em, no. I love 'em!

Well, they're in concert next week at Harrogate.

Yeah. I know. I wish I could go.

Well, I can get you a ticket.

- Not half! How? - My mum's got two tickets.

- Yeah? - But my dad's not interested.

So she gave one to me,

but, to be honest, I'm not that keen.

If you don't mind sitting next to my mum,

you can have mine.

Fantastic.

# Heartbeat

# Why do you miss

# When my baby kisses me?

# Heartbeat

# Why does a love kiss stay in my memory?