08x11 - Hot Rocks

[bunniefuu]

THEME TUNE

# Heartbeat

# Why do you miss

# When my baby kisses me?

# Heartbeat

# Why does a love kiss

# Stay in my memory? #

- Glad to be back? - I'm not sure. I'll let you know.

Listen, you'll find that my brother can be a bit of an old bore.

Darling.

Don't worry.

Old bores are my speciality.

God...

I wish I'd met you years ago.

You'll go blind, you know.

Didn't you ever wish you could marry a model or a film star?

Live life in the fast lane?

No, it's all a fantasy, Phil.

In reality, it'd be just as boring and humdrum as everything else.

It couldn't be more boring than here. Nothing ever happens.

Well, what would you like to happen?

I'd like to invite Sue round.

A bit of candlelight, soft music, bottle of wine.

So, invite her.

- She'd think I was up to something. - Yeah, and...

she'd be right.

But, er...

if we had a party, then I could invite her.

A party?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Craddock would love that, wouldn't he?

Craddock doesn't have to know.

No. Your best bet is just rip the whole thing out.

- I mean, it's rubbish, innit? - I've always rather liked it.

Draughty, dirty...

And we could offer you a brand-new coal effect electric job.

With genuine walnut veneer.

quid. And that includes making good the wall and a lick of paint.

That's a Victorian fireplace, maybe years old.

Neil, you don't have to clean it out.

This is the standard of workmanship we'd be getting?

That is the very latest design.

In years' time, that will be in a museum.

As long as it works in the meantime.

Thank you.

Hey, Bradley!

MOTORBIKE APPROACHES

TURNS OFF ENGINE

Well, it's lucky for some.

I was wondering, does Sgt Craddock know that you're running a B&B

- at the police house? - I don't know what you mean.

What I mean is, PC Bellamy, I've seen him coming and going.

Now unless regulations have changed since my retirement...

Listen, I'm just trying to help him out, OK? It's temporary.

CAR HORN BEEPS

BRADLEY: Who's that?

That, Bradley, is more trouble than you need.

I'd have thought she'd have drunk herself to death by now.

Yeah, but who is she?

She is Lord Ashfordly's sister.

- Lovely bit of workmanship, innit? - Where did you get it?

You've got a very suspicious nature, William.

It belonged to an old lady over in Ashfordly.

Her family asked me to do the house clearance.

Before or after she died?

I knew you when you weren't quite so fussy.

It's got a bit of age to it. Look at the patination.

Leave her with me. I'll give you a price tomorrow.

I hope it's nearer than ten an' all.

Patti!

Well, you're looking pretty chipper.

And you're getting fat.

Come and say hello to Ronnie. Now, I want you boys to be friends.

I'm sure we'll do our best. RONNIE CHUCKLES

Well, let's get you inside.

Nice place.

Suits me.

He's an excellent chap really.

He's been with us for years and I'm too soft-hearted to let him go.

Can't afford to be soft-hearted these days.

- Fancy a drink before lunch? - Oh, yeah.

- Now then. - Mr Greengrass?

That all depends. Are you buying or selling?

Mrs Bolton said you might have a place to camp.

Ten bob a night. In advance.

The thing is, she's my sister.

Have you got a sister?

No.

I'm going to be honest, because you seem a decent enough fellow.

She used to have a bit of a drink problem.

I know, she told me.

Says she's hasn't touched a drop for six months. I believe her.

I believe her too.

- So why do you want to marry her? - I...

..love her.

I gather you did rather well in the w*r.

A fighter pilot. Battle of Britain, that sort of thing.

I did my duty.

Listen, Ashfordly...

I'm not stinking rich like the last one.

Never liked the fellow. American.

I was brought up to put public service before commerce.

You know, Queen and country.

Absolutely.

BOTH: Queen and country! CHINK

Now that is a beauty.

There's not a mark on it.

So what do you reckon, bruv?

I reckon that Kings Road toff, it's right up his street.

Could get at least, what? ?

Now then, settling in all right, lads?

- Yeah, yeah. Fine, thanks. - Is that the Boltons' fireplace?

Yes. Rubbish really. We're gonna have to fine someplace to dump it.

I could take it off your hands if you like.

No, no. You'd never lift it.

You must think I came up the river on a biscuit.

It's a marvellous con job you're working.

I tell you summat. If I knew this stuff was marketable down south,

- I might have done it myself. - We are not conning anybody.

We do a nice modernisation job, which most people want -

Then you cop the old fireplace for nowt.

Legitimate architectural salvage.

And pigs might!

BOTH LAUGH

Looks like you need a coffee.

Well, I've given my consent.

For what it's worth.

I think perhaps a small do is called for.

You mean an engagement party? That would be brilliant.

Nothing too... you know.

A dinner party would be best. Just a dozen or so guests.

Friends and neighbours. Don't want to put anyone up.

I'm not sure who I know round here.

Not who'd want to come, anyway.

Nonsense. There's dozens of people. There's the Bings and Pym and...

I suppose the Hepworths as well.

Who are the Hepworths? I don't even know them.

Markham Grange. Filthy rich.

She goes about decked out like a Christmas tree.

ALL LAUGH

In the case, we should definitely invite them!

They're marvellous, though. You get no smoke or draughts

and a beautiful walnut veneer surround.

I quite like an open fire. It's more cosy.

Do you want another?

I didn't know you could have parties?

Look, keep it under your hat, all right?

- Am I invited? - Of course you are.

She wants to bring a friend.

- So? What's the problem? - What if it's her boyfriend?

Look, we'll get him plastered, then chuck him out.

Maggie.

Patricia.

Er, you'll have to excuse the mess.

Thank you for agreeing to see me.

You'd better come in.

I haven't had a drink now for six months.

I bet that surprises you.

Well, you do look well.

Well, what I need to do now is apologise.

- It's really not necessary. - It IS necessary.

I'm an alcoholic. You tried to help me and...

I just abused you for your pains.

I'm truly sorry, Maggie.

Well, er...

I always thought you could beat it if you found the motivation.

One day at a time, and all that.

Still, I've certainly got the motivation now.

I'm engaged to be married.

Well, congratulations, Patricia. I'm really very pleased for you.

About time my luck changed, wouldn't you say?

So, er... tell me about him.

He's fun.

He takes care of me.

If you come to our engagement party tomorrow night, you'll meet him.

Don't worry, Colonel Hepworth, we'll be right over.

And don't touch anything, all right?

- Bradley? - Yes, sarge?

Markham Grange has been burgled.

Just had the owner on the phone. It probably happened last night.

Come on.

Not too early, am I?

I'm just open.

What can I get you?

I'll start with a Scotch and then you can tell me your life story.

You're a cheeky one, aren't you?

Have one yourself?

Thanks, but it's a bit early for me.

Haven't seen you round here before.

I'm staying over at Ashfordly Hall.

Ash and I go back a long way.

Ash?

His Lordship. It's what we used to call him in the mess.

- He and I served together. - Really?

I heard his sister's come home.

Patricia? Yes. Nice girl.

So...

Do you ever get a night off?

When I want one.

Oh... Ron Harper.

Officer...

- and gentleman. - I've heard that one before.

Gina.

- Lollobrigida? - Ward.

CHUCKLES

Now, listen, Gina.

I have to go.

I have an appointment.

But I shall return.

Very soon.

Well, I'm not going anywhere. I've got a pub to run.

Arrivederci, Gina.

- When did you discover this, sir? - Just before I phoned you.

After breakfast, I came in here with the paper

and felt a bit of a draught.

It looks very professional. I doubt we'll find any fingerprints.

Do you have a house alarm, Colonel Hepworth?

Yes. It cost a pretty penny too.

Go and have a look at it, Bradley.

CRADDOCK: What seems to be missing?

At first I couldn't see they'd taken anything.

I have quite a lot of rather fine antiques, as you can see.

Then my wife checked her jewellery case.

Shop!

Time's money, so let's be having some.

I was just making a cup of tea.

I'll have two sugars, if you're asking.

- I wasn't. - Sorry, Bill. I must be off.

I've got a bit of business to attend to.

This is Claude Greengrass. He's a pal of Lord Ashfordly's, aren't you?

Well, sort of.

Really? Sorry, old chap. I must dash.

- Who were that? - No-one. I knew him during the w*r.

Haven't seen him for years. He just popped in.

Now, about this clock. I'm afraid it's a reproduction.

I'll give you a fiver, and that's generous.

A fiver? But you said it had got a bit of age and lovely patination.

No, I didn't, Claude. You did.

Somebody's buried it in the garden to make it look old.

Who'd do a thing like that?

Now the dirt's bunged up all the works.

I'm afraid it's really worth only... four pounds.

You're going in the wrong direction. I'll take the five.

Poor old Hepworth. I take it he was insured?

Yes. I wanted to warn you

in case there was a professional jewel thief in the area.

Quite. Most grateful.

Patti, I'd like you to meet Sgt Craddock.

My sister Mrs Brewster.

- Hello. - A great pleasure, Mrs Brewster.

Apparently, old Hepworth got burgled last night.

They took his wife's trinkets so lock up your valuables.

How terrible. Last night, you say?

Probably in the early hours. Got in and out without making a sound.

Don't worry. If he comes here, the dogs will have him.

I told Hepworth not to rely on some stupid burglar alarm.

DOOR OPENS

I don't know nothing about it.

You don't know what we're after yet, Mr Farrell.

I know you lot. Something in the jewellery line gets nicked,

you look up your files, come to my name,

and you don't look any further.

Well, I've served my time and now I'm retired.

Has anyone been in today and offered you jewellery for sale?

No.

Mind if we look around?

- Have you got a warrant? - No, but I can get one if you like.

You do that, son, then you can look around.

You're very quiet this evening.

I really love you, you know.

I don't care what you were before,

you don't have to prove anything to me.

Like what?

You don't worry about money.

I've got more than enough for both of us.

CHUCKLES

What's that supposed to mean? I'm not a pauper, you know.

Last month, when we were staying in Hampshire with Henry and Jane,

some of their friends got burgled.

Yes... I remember. What's that got to do with anything?

Last night, someone broke into the Hepworths.

Who are the Hepworths?

Charlie was talking about them.

Oh, yes. I remember.

The wife like a Christmas tree.

CHUCKLES

I just want you to make me a promise, Ronnie.

Hang on a minute, Patricia.

What exactly are you suggesting here?

I'm not suggesting anything.

I just want you to promise me that it's all over.

Your old life is over. You promise to put it behind you now.

This is ridiculous. I don't know what you're talking about.

Just promise.

OK.

If it makes you happy.

I promise.

I promise!

Don't let me down, will you, darling?

Cos if you do...

I'll go to the police myself.

CHUCKLES

What a girl you are!

Hiya... Scotch, wasn't it?

You better make it a large one. I'm in a frivolous mood.

- Anything could happen. - Like what?

Well, that rather depends on you.

Ta.

Hope you got more joy out of Bill Farrell than I did.

He gave me five flaming quid for that clock.

Sorry?

Yesterday, in Whitby, I met you in Bill Farrell's shop.

I think you must be mistaken, old chap.

You must have a double then.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not too sure myself.

Tell Gina I'll be back.

He doesn't half fancy himself, that one.

Who's he, Mary?

Apparently some pal of his lordship.

Came in yesterday. I think Gina's a bit smitten with him.

Can I have a word, Claude?

You can have two. It's a good job I like you.

- Bill Farrell, Whitby. - Never heard of him.

Why did you mention him to that friend of Ashfordly?

You said you saw him in Bill Farrell's shop.

Oh, Grandma, what big ears you've got.

MUSIC: 'You Really Got Me' by The Kinks

# You really got me going

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I can't sleep at night

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing...

Can I ask you something in complete confidence?

Yes, of course.

Ronnie flew Spitfires during the w*r.

He doesn't like to talk about it,

but he had a pretty hairy time and was lucky to survive.

After the w*r, he found it hard to settle.

Got into some rather bad company.

You mean criminals?

Maggie, I know in my heart he's a good man.

And he's made me a promise to put the past behind him.

Do you think...

Do you think it's possible for someone to change?

Oh, Patricia...

You see, I really do love him.

- Better than pulling pints? - Yeah, much better.

Would you...like to give her a go?

What? Me drive this car?

Come on. You can do it.

I've never driven a sports car before.

CHUCKLES

# Girl, you really got me going

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I can't sleep at night... #

Half a day's work, missus. No problem.

Right, then. Now, you mind you clear up after yourselves.

CLATTERING

Hey, you can't make an omelette without cracking eggs. Don't worry.

It'll be lovely when it's finished.

You should get them to look at Oscar Blaketon's bathroom.

He's always moaning about it. LOUD THUD

- They do bathrooms, don't they? - Oh, yeah.

Hey, but perhaps you could have a word with Oscar?

For some reason he always thinks it's dodgy if I'm involved.

Ronnie Harper. Of course I know him. He's engaged to my sister.

Is he?

In cases of this kind, all avenues have to be explored.

However unlikely.

Anyway, they only arrived that morning.

The morning before Colonel Hepworth was burgled.

Presumably, Mr Harper wouldn't know about the Hepworths.

Well, we did talk about them, yes,

because they're coming to this wretched engagement party.

Charlie, you're not even dressed yet.

- Where's Ronnie? - Patti, I've had the police

here again. They've got some bee in their bonnet about Ronnie being seen

with some chap who might have had

something to do with robbing the Hepworths.

Ronnie?

Oh, what a lot of nonsense.

You haven't even told me how I look.

Tell me honestly.

What do you really know about the fellow?

I know he's the man I want to marry.

- Thank you, madam. - Thank you so much.

- Good evening. - Good evening, madam.

Darling, I told you to wear the mink.

Yes, but which one? BOTH CHUCKLE

INDISTINCT CHATTER

- Maggie. - Patricia, this is my husband Neil.

Congratulations.

Thank you. Ronnie should be down soon.

He's running a bit late. He had some important business.

I'll find a drink.

- Are you all right? - I could do with a drink myself.

Has something happened?

The police came to see my brother.

They seem to be connecting Ronnie with the robbery that took place

at the Hepworths.

Could he have done something like that?

SIGHS I don't know.

Perhaps if I just have one glass of champagne, I'd feel better.

No, you wouldn't!

For goodness' sake, don't go ruining everything now!

It's not fair, you know.

The first man for years I've really cared about.

The police asking questions doesn't have to mean he's guilty.

We went to see some friends down in Hampshire recently.

A similar thing happened. Neighbours had jewellery stolen.

I know it's probably a coincidence, but...

Yes, it probably is.

I'm quite friendly with Mike Bradley. I could -

No. Promise me not to tell anyone. I'm relying on you.

But Patricia, it's -

You're the only person I can talk to.

There's Ronnie now. I'll just...

Thank you for a superb evening, Charlie.

- Glad you could come. - We needed cheering up.

Awful business.

Lovely meeting you, Patricia.

Mwah!

Excellent fellow, your fiance. I hope you'll be very happy.

Thank you.

That's a point.

Where is Ronnie?

He was a bit tired.

He went to bed.

- Morning, Alf. - Hi, Maggie.

Er, Mike, I was wondering if I could have a word in private?

It's a bit delicate.

Sorry, we're in rush. There's been a robbery.

Another one? Where?

At Sir Henry Bing's last night.

Goodness. I saw him last night at Patricia's engagement party.

Ashfordly's sister?

She's a friend of yours, then?

Well... of sorts. Yes.

That's why I need to talk to you about.

We had a bit of a party last night, so my fiance's still asleep.

But perhaps I can help you.

I'm sure you can. Perhaps we can start by talking about coincidences.

The robbery in Hampshire, the Hepworths...

I'm afraid I don't -

And now Sir Henry Bing's. His house was broken into last night.

Last night?

Where was Ronnie, Mrs Brewster?

He was here.

With me.

All night?

Yes. Not that it's any business of yours.

And I must say...

I resent the insinuation that my fiance is some kind of crook.

What's he called, that sergeant of yours?

Craddock.

Well, I shall ask my brother to have a word with Sgt Craddock.

Now, if you wouldn't mind...

Wilfred!

Show the constable out.

Thank you very much for your help, Mrs Brewster.

Hang on a minute.

What are you doing with Greengrass's truck?

He was kind enough to lend it to us.

Greengrass has never lent anyone anything in his life.

He'd charge an old lady for helping her cross the road.

Right, if Greengrass is involved, that stays where it is.

Till I sort this lot out.

- Is he the ex-copper? - Yeah.

I can't believe you told him!

Listen, Patricia, I...

I gave you my confidence and you casually betrayed it!

No, I didn't. I thought about it very carefully.

Like some village gossip passing on a bit of tittle-tattle.

Listen, Patricia...

You've got to face up to the fact

that Ronnie might not be the man you think he is.

- You've only known him two months. - Who are you to judge him?

I KNOW he's not a criminal.

I'm not judging him.

I was trying to help you out of a difficult situation.

Save your good works for your patients.

I can do without them.

- Satisfied? - Thank you for your cooperation.

You didn't give me much choice. As I told your lads, I've retired.

So I hear. What caused this return to the straight and narrow?

The Good Lord tell you to repent?

Hmph. Actually, it was the wife.

She threatened to leave me for good and take the kids with her.

What about Ronnie Harper? What's your business with him?

I met him during the w*r. He's an old friend.

His fiancee says he was a fighter pilot.

LAUGHS

Don't make me laugh. He was a mechanic,

supplying women with black-market nylons.

That was one of his main contributions to the w*r effort.

That's how we met. In the glasshouse.

I'm sure it's all on record somewhere. You can check.

We will, Mr Farrell.

What do you want?

The lads refitting my bathroom turn out to be in league with you.

Would you mind telling me what your game is?

What's going on round here?

Have you finished? What are you talking about?

What's all this lot, then?

What's all what?

That's just a load of rubbish.

Oh, yes?

There's a racket going on here. I can smell it.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

Hiya... Evening.

Straight through. Drinks in the kitchen.

Why are we having this party? If she comes she'll bring a bloke.

But you said she asked if she could bring a friend.

Probably some hulking rugby player.

Oh, come on, you're determined to have a bad time.

Lighten up.

What if he brings his team-mates?

Eh?

Hi, Mike. What's up with him?

He's expecting the rugby club.

You look great.

Actually, I'm expecting someone myself. I hope you don't mind.

- I'm not gonna be jealous, am I? - I hope so.

LOUD MUSIC PLAYING

Mmm, you're pretty good. Hidden talents.

Baby, I'm the original poolroom hustler.

The result of a misspent youth.

- Let's go to bed, shall we? - Yeah. Darling, you go on upstairs.

I'm gonna pop down to the village for ciggies.

- I'll come with you. - I'm only going to the pub.

I don't mind. I'll get my jacket.

Oh, come on, Patricia!

I feel as if I'm on a leash. You won't let me out of your sight.

Don't get upset, Ronnie. Please.

Well, then, let me be, woman!

# Girl, you really got me going

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I can't sleep at night

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing... #

Hey! We were beginning to think you'd got lost.

I never like to arrive at parties too early.

It's not really cool, is it?

This is my mate Sandra. Sandra, meet Phil.

Sandra...

I'm really pleased to meet you.

Oh, let me get you girls a drink.

Come on.

That's a relief. I thought he'd be paralytic before she arrived.

What's he doing here?

Gina!

Ronnie!

MUSIC: 'Whiter Shade Of Pale' by Procol Harum

# We skipped the light fandango

# Turned cartwheels across the floor

# I was feeling kind of seasick

# And the crowd called out for more...

Do you think we should do something?

# The room was humming harder... #

GIRL GIGGLING

LAUGHTER

You never met such a bunch of stuffed shirts.

And the brother, he's the worst.

Patricia?

Hang on a minute.

Patricia!

Patricia!

Please.

You want a statement, constable? I'll make one.

You think he's a criminal? Well, he's worse than that.

Come back to my place. We'll get you home from there.

SOBBING

Come on.

Evening, Mr Blaketon.

This would never have happened in my day.

MUSIC: 'You Don't Have To Say You Love Me' by Dusty Springfield

# You don't have to say you love me

# Just be close at hand

# You don't have to stay for ever

# I will unde... # MUSIC OFF

Hey, what's going on?

A very good question, Bellamy. One I've been asking myself.

Where's Bradley?

Dunno, sarge.

I think the party's over, don't you?

That was the girl from the pub, wasn't it?

It's easy to read too much into these things.

They'd both been drinking.

Serves me right for not facing up to the facts.

That's what you said I had to do, wasn't it?

I think I owe you another apology.

It's not important.

What are the facts, Mrs Brewster?

About Ronnie?

SNIFFS

I was lying about the other night.

He did go out.

In fact...

he has a habit of going off on his own at night.

Do you know where he went?

To commit a burglary?

To chat up...

some girl in a pub?

Your guess is as good as mine really.

I don't want to keep you from your bed, Mr Blaketon.

Perhaps now I'll be able to get some sleep.

DOOR SHUTS

It wasn't that loud, sarge.

Ashfordly police station has received five calls of complaint

because apparently the phone here is off the hook.

Right, I'll put the kettle on, shall I?

Oh, where do you keep your tea, Phil?

I'm sorry.

Yes, Bellamy. Where do you keep your tea?

I think we could all do with a cup.

DOOR CLICKS Ronnie?

CAR ON DRIVE

Ronnie?

Ronnie, is that you?

Just me, Mrs Brewster.

Wilfred! Have you seen Mr Harper?

I... presumed he was in your room, madam.

I'd hardly be asking if he were.

Come on, lads. Rise and shine.

All right! All right.

- Do you know what time it is? - No, and I don't want to.

It's nearly half past. I've fixed you three more jobs.

I promised that Mrs Taylor you'd start work faithfully tomorrow.

- That's ridiculous. - Wait till you see the fireplace.

It's got a beautiful pink marble surround. I think it's Georgian.

- Pink marble? - I thought that'd wake you up!

And don't forget, stick a few quid on for me. Come on! Get up!

Ah, Bradley...

An interesting evening was had by all, I hear.

Yeah, look, sorry about the noise last night.

Never mind that. It's Greengrass. He's up to summat.

Really? Why doesn't that come as a surprise?

He's got these two lads working for him. They're refitting my bathroom.

Not doing a bad job. But there's more to it than that.

Yeah, like what?

Ask yourself this question, Bradley.

Why would Greengrass go into the plumbing business?

Money.

I'll have a word with him and the two lads. Where are they staying?

They're staying with him. In some old camper van.

Leave it with me.

I've got a very good hangover cure if you're interested.

- You take a couple of raw eggs - - Shut up, Alf.

It's just not fair.

You can't blame it all on me.

If Mike hadn't disappeared with Lady Muck,

well,

in fact...

I'm gonna tell him. DOOR OPENS

Bellamy!

Now's your chance.

Shut the door, Bellamy.

DOOR SHUTS

I'm really sorry, sarge.

It was just meant to be a few mates, you know?

Word gets out and all sorts of people arrive,

and it's not my fault.

I'm not a killjoy, Bellamy.

A bit of socialising within moderation.

What does distress me is your wilful disregard of the regulations

- concerning police accommodation. - It's only temporary.

It's terminated. I want you out of there today.

And you can think yourself lucky I don't take disciplinary action.

Sarge.

He's been there all night.

He got so drunk he'd have wrapped that fancy sports car round a tree.

You've got a kind heart, Gina.

More like a soft head.

GASPS Morning, Mr Harper.

I'm PC Bradley. I'd like you to accompany me to the station.

Well...

Hell hath no fury. Do you mind if I give my man a ring?

At least get myself a clean shirt and a toothbrush.

Your man?

Wilf. He's my valet.

Charlie. It's gone.

- Mother's necklace. It's gone. - What?

I can't believe it. I wore it for the engagement party.

The case was still on my dressing table. I opened it this morning.

Where's that scoundrel Harper? Still in bed?

He didn't come back last night.

Flown the coop, eh?

Sorry, Patti. This has gone far enough.

Look, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know anything about any robberies.

Mrs Brewster says you disappeared after your engagement party.

- Where did you go? - Drove around a bit.

All those people. I needed to clear my head.

DOOR OPENS Can I have a word, please, sarge?

Ronnie's slate's more or less clean, but take a look at this.

Nice work, Bradley.

It's obvious what happened.

That damn rascal Harper crept into my sister's room,

stole the necklace and ran off.

He's made a complete fool of me, Sergeant.

I'll see him behind bars if it's the last thing I do.

And you saw a van drive away, Mrs Brewster?

I thought I heard Ronnie. It was nearly dawn. I went down.

The van drove off and Wilf came in.

It's unlikely to have been Ronnie himself.

It appears he spent the night in a drunken stupor in the pub.

You mean he's got an accomplice?

Where is Wilf? Is he still here?

I'm not sure.

The fella has never been a manservant before, I can tell you.

That'll be about right. He's got a hefty criminal record.

Six months ago he was released from the Scrubs.

Ah.

ENGINE REVS

After him, Bradley.

MUSIC: 'We Gotta Get Out Of This Place' by The Animals

# We gotta get out of this place

# If it's the last thing we ever do

# We gotta get out of this place

# Cos girl, there's a better life

# For me and you

# We gotta get out of this place

# If it's the last thing we ever do

# We gotta get out of this place

# Cos girl, there's a better life for me and you... #

TYRES SCREECH

Come on, Wilf. Out.

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

We've caught Wilf, Mrs Brewster.

I'm afraid he didn't have the necklace on him.

But... Ronnie has an alibi.

He spent the night with that girl.

Well, if it's any consolation to you,

he spent the night on the floor of the snug.

I think Gina had had enough of him too.

I expect you think I'm rather pathetic.

But I'm not a fool.

I know Ronnie was marrying me for my money.

I just never thought he'd actually steal from me.

It's easy to be deceived, especially by such an accomplished liar.

What do you mean?

Well, it seems Ronnie was lying about his past too.

His heroic w*r record was certainly an invention.

Ah.

Well, I suppose I've suspected that all along.

I needed my knight in shining armour though, so...

I didn't ask too many questions.

Apart from Wilf and Ronnie, there must have been someone else.

The person who drove off in the camper van?

It was a camper van?

I think so.

One of those VW things.

It's all the rage down south.

You won't mind us having a look inside, then?

What for? Don't you have to have some sort of warrant?

My theory is you and Ronnie worked together.

Looking at your record, you've got the experience

but you'd have needed him to do the actual breaking and entering.

GRUNTS DISMISSIVELY

How old are you now, Wilf? Nearly .

Getting on.

No-one could expect a man of your age to shin up a drainpipe.

Let me tell you something, copper.

I'm a professional and as fit as I was years ago.

I certainly don't need the likes of Ronnie Harper.

He wouldn't have the bottle anyhow.

- There you go, bruv. - Lovely, mate.

Afternoon, lads.

Recognise this? You should do.

We found it in your van.

Well, that's it then, I suppose.

We're nicked.

You should stick to fireplaces then, shouldn't you?

Hang on. What about my bathroom?

- They're under arrest, sarge. - When are they going to finish it?

Hard to say. Three to four years.

Come on, Wilf.

This is ridiculous.

I told you, I've never seen them before.

It's no good, Grandad. They've got the stuff and everything.

What did I teach you, boy?

You keep it shut!

He lies about how old he is. He's well over .

They can't send him back to jail at his age, can they?

Well, I wouldn't count on it.

I can do my bird as well as any man.

Get 'em out of my sight, will ya?

All right, Bradley.

Come on, lads.

When I think of what we've done for him.

We had a nice, legitimate little business going.

And then he gets out of jail.

It's not fair.

He flatly refused to retire. We had to help him

or he'd have broken his ruddy neck. Stubborn, stupid old...

Don't upset yourself.

Kids. You can't rely on them, can you?

You're gonna make a full statement then, Wilf?

Yeah, may as well, I reckon.

Yes, I did 'em all, all the burglaries.

How's your hangover?

Can you believe it? They've arrested Wilf and his grandsons.

I didn't even know he had any grandsons.

Aren't you getting in?

Are you sure you want me to?

You're a fool, Ronnie. And a liar.

But then, nobody's perfect.

Least of all me.

It was a good party, anyway.

But I wonder whether it was worth all the fuss?

I hope you're not too upset.

About Ronnie?

No... he didn't fool me.

Good.

Leeds?

I'm not staying round here all my life.

Sandra says I can share a flat with her.

This is if I do get the job.

W-w-what job?

It's a beautician in one of them big department stores.

The interview's next week.

They usually just start you off on the perfume counter.

But I think it'll be a really good laugh.

Better than Ashfordly police station anyway.

Oh, come on, Phil. It were just a bit of fun at the party, you know?