09x06 - Shotgun Wedding

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss

♪ When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

TRAIN WHISTLING

- Here!- Don't forget these, will you?

On your feet. Now! Move it!

Get them up.Don't even think about it!

All right.

- The cage. Open it!- I can't. I really can't.

Next timeI'll pull the trigger. The cage!

So, um...

Do you want to put a date on it?

- On what?- On us.

Why? Are we about to expire?

HE SIGHS On us getting married.

Oh!

Did I agree to that?

Well, you know you did.

- Are you getting cold feet?- No.

Warm as toast.

Jackie, please!

All right. When do you think?

Well, it depends, really,doesn't it,

on, erm...what sort of ceremony we want

and how many peoplewe want to invite.

Well, I don't want anything big.

No? No, no, no.

Me either.

Well, churches and bridesmaids,overpriced dresses,

families looking down their nosesat each other, saying,

'Whatever did she see in him?'

Well, or he in her.

Exactly.

Does it worry you?

What?

Your family looking down their nosesat you marrying a humble copper?

Well, it never even crossed my mind.

Well, if it does,we should get it out in the open.

It's not too late to call it off.

It's not as ifanyone knows about it.

Yeah, yeah.

You're right.

Maybe we should slow it down a bit.

TRAIN WHISTLING

Look, lads, the traindoesn't stop till London.

I mean, how are you goingto get the money off, eh?

The signal's on.

BRAKES GROAN

All right. Let the train go.

TRAIN WHISTLING

HE GRUNTS

g*nsh*t FIRE

BRAKES SCREECH

- What happened?- The g*n went off. I shot him.

- Is he dead?- I think so.

He can't identify you, then.

PHONE RINGS

Ashfordly Police.

Right. I'll call an ambulance.

Don't touch anything at the scene.

There'll be officers with youright away.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Aidensfield Police. Alf?

All we know so faris there were three thieves.

Two on the train,one in the signal box.

They got away with £,in a light-coloured Rover .

Anything from the road blocks?

Erm, no, sir.

I use Ashfordly as my base.Where's your sergeant?

He's on a course, sir.

What sort of course?

Well, a sort of fitness course.

Out of shape, is he?

No, sir. His ballroom dancingkeeps him sprightly.

Bradley, you and Bellamy,get down to the hospital,

wait till Quinn wakes upand get a description.

Don't let any doctors fob you off.

Yes, madam. What can I get you?

Actually, I'm looking for a man.

Aren't we all, love?

And does this man have a name?

Jerry Greengrass.

Oh.

Well, I suggestyou talk to him over there.

Somebody knocking. Yeah, I remembersomebody knocking on the door.

And you let them in?

I suppose I must have.

Do you remember anythingabout him, Mr Quinn?

Did he say anything to you?

Have you seen Flo, Maggie?

She's right beside you, Roger.

Ah!

How am I going to work, Flo?

How am I going to supportyou and the kids?

I'm sure the railwaywill look after you, Mr Quinn.

What you did was very brave.

Was it?

I hear Jerry's quite a big manaround here.

Oh, Mr Greengrass?Yes, he's bigger than most.

What sort of business is he in?

Well, different things, mainly.

Fingers in a lot of pies, eh?

No, not pies.

I'd like to see him. Could youshow me how to get to his office?

His office?

Or wherever he is.

Does he know you?

Know me?

He loves me.

Concentrate on the searchin this area.

Keep me informedof any new developments.

PHONE RINGS

Ashfordly Police Station.

No, he's not hereat the moment, I'm afraid.

Oh, hold on. Mike!

It's for you.

Yeah. Hello.

Mike? Where have you been?I've called twice already.

It's been all gosince one o'clock this morning.

Listen, I've been overto see the Registrar

and I've made a booking.

'It's :, Thursday.'

It's you and me. The big day.

'If we make it quick, we mightmake it back to work after.'

Jackie!

I was joking.

Look, we can still do it properly,if you want.

Church wedding,all that sort of stuff.

We agreed, just you and me.Except that's quite not true.

- What?- Well, we need witnesses.

Two of them.

Friends or family, or we canjust grab someone off the street,

which is quite common, apparently.

Well, which do you want to do, Mike?

Erm, I don't know.

Look, it's...

It's very difficultto think in here.

I'll call you back later.

All right. Bye.

Witnesses? Two of them?

For what, might I ask?

It was a private call, Maggie.

How can I help?

Actually, I was going to ask youabout Roger Quinn

and what claims for compensationhe might have from the railway.

But I'd much rather ask whatyou and Mike want witnesses for.

You're not, er...

You are, aren't you?You're getting married.

We promised we'd keep it a secret.

I could be a witness.

After all, I am a professional.

Yeah, a professional eavesdropper.

All right, then. Yes.

- Really? So, when's the happy day?- Mmm-hmm.

Thursday.

Thursday! You two don't hang about.

Oh, give us a hug.

- Congratulations.- Thank you.

You've just landed the mosteligible policeman in Aidensfield.

Thanks very much.

You said you were taking meto his home, not the local tip.

- Bella.- Jerry.

What happenedto the estate in the country?

What happened to the black chap?

Vivian?He passed away two months ago.

So, I've come home.

It's been years, Jerry.

You might at least invite me in.

Do you want me to go?

- Yes.- No.

Surely, you'll want to be alonewith your wife,

I mean, especially after years.

Don't talk daft, David.She's not my wife. She's my sister.

Well, you'd better come in.Wipe your feet.

On what?

Hey, before you start, don't start.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Can you keep a secret?

I want you to be my best man.

You're getting married?

HE GROANS

No, you pillock,I'm becoming an astronaut!

Okay, okay.

Well, who'd marry you?

'Ey, 'ey, 'ey!

OK. OK.

- I'll be your best man.- Thanks.

And Phil?

If you tell anyone, I'll k*ll you.

It's been more than hours, Joe.We've got to move.

No. Not with Johnny like he is.

It's his fault.

He's a good lad.

He's got us stuck here.

If that guy has snuffed it,we'll be facing a m*rder charge.

We've got to take the money and go.

What's the point of the three of usgetting caught, eh?

We should go now.

Lie up somewhere till dark,then get ourselves another motor.

He needs a doctor.

We'll call him one when we're clear.

The sooner we go,the sooner he gets help.

Joe?

Joe!

Did they consider the possibilitythat a thief was shot, too?

Well, their forensic people wereall over the place this morning.

Who is it, Ventress?

PC Bradley. He's at Bexley Junction.

Why aren't you at the hospital?

I spoke to one of the doctors, sir,

he said the blast that hit Quinnwent straight up.

TRAIN WHISTLING

'It impliedthat there was a struggle.

'There were blood stainson the signal box, sir.'

He was shot in the head, Bradley.

But he was foundat the top of the steps,

the blood stains are at the bottom.

He had to be carried down the steps.

'Wouldn't thataccount for the stains?'

Anyway, I'll get Forensicsback out there.

If you're wrong,they won't thank you.

Any more bright ideas,have them at the hospital.

Yes, sir.

Over there, David. Thank you.

Come on, move! Push!

Alfred, get off.

Excuse me,how long are you planning to stay?

Until I get you sorted.

I don't need sorting.

What happened to the estate, then?

And the office and the business?

I'm... I'm retrenching.

Retrenching? You meandigging yourself into another hole.

You've not changed, have you?

What you don't understand is

the current climate in this countryat the moment

is very hostile to the entrepreneur.

Looks like the current climateis also very hostile to washing.

Sit down, dear,and I'll make some tea.

If I can find a pot that hasn't gotfungus growing in it.

Thanks, Mrs Greengrass.

David, she is not Mrs Greengrass.She is Mrs Christie.

On account of the fact that she'sran off and married a black chap.

Who has since passed away.

May the Lord rest his soul.

You should have seenhis cover drive, David.

It was the sweetest thing.

Did he play cricket?

Batted number three for Antigua.

A stroke-makerlike you would never believe.

Moved like silk, he did.

Here.

Vivian Christie.

Who wouldn't have loved him?

Freddie Trueman.

Mrs Tomkinson?

Hello. I was just picking Sam up

before coming out to youwith Henry's tablets.

I can take them.

Oh.

Oh, let me.

Now, uh,

he needs to take onefour times a day,

erm, in between meals.

That should sort outthe worst of his indigestion.

We don't want him going downwith heartburn on Thursday.

What's so special about Thursday?

Erm, nothing.

Come on.What's happening on Thursday?

No, no. It's nothing, really.

Oh, no, no one does that to me,Maggie. Cough it up now.

Well, I really think I oughtto leave it to her to tell you.

You mean Jackie?

So you do know.

Of course.Jackie never hides anything from us.

Oh! About her and Mike.

Her and Mike?

The policeman?

You mean Mike Bradley?

No, you can't be serious.

She wouldn't dare!

One, four times a day.

Bye.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Come in.

Won't be a minute.

Jackie?

Aunty Joyce?

What is it?

I want you to be honest with me.

What about?

Poor Uncle Henry is nearly frantic.

I just can't believethat you would do this to us.

- You're pregnant, aren't you?- What?

Don't try to deny it.

- I do deny it.- You must be.

Why must I be?

Why would you rushinto a secret marriage

with a policeman, a mere constablewhom you hardly know?

Have you told your parents?Of course not.

- I wouldn't have known unless...- Unless?

It doesn't matter.

The important fact is that we know,

and in time to stop youruining your life.

I wanted to do this quietly

to prevent exactlythis sort of scene.

I'm not ruining my life.

I'm marrying the man that I love.

You're very welcome to come.

I'm afraid that won't be possible.

OSCAR: Ah, morning, Gina.Women's work, eh?

HE CHUCKLES

Thanks, Oscar.

- Gina? Have you moved my car?- No.

Well, somebody has. It's not here.

There's only yoursand a beige Rover.

Hang on.

A beige Rover.

Can I borrow your car, Gina?

When are you planning to retire?

Chance would be a fine thing.

You should, you know.You're getting on.

Hey, you keep that sort of chat upand we won't be.

And this place is falling to pieces.

Only gradually.

I phoned the council

and they're putting youat the top of their list

for one of their nice, new flats.

You phoned the council?

Yes, and they've agreedyou're a priority.

and they're moving you out.

There's a nice, young ladycoming to interview you tomorrow.

Is there?What a shame I won't be here.

- What do you mean?- I'm moving myself out.

But where will you go?

As far away as I can get.

SHE SIGHS

How do you know it's their car?

Well, I reckon they stole my carlast night and left theirs.

Thank you, Mr Blaketon.

We'll get this descriptioncirculated.

There's one other thing.

Blood stains on the back seat.

Are you sure?

I've seen enough blood in my time.

I'm sure.

Looks like you might be right,Bradley.

One of them was injured. Well done.

You and Bellamy check the localhospitals for recent g*nsh*t wounds.

Mr Blaketon, thank you.

CRADDOCK: Make way, please.Make way.

Ah! You must be DI Shiner, sir.

Sergeant Craddock.I came as soon as I heard.

What happened to your leg?

An accident. Nothing to concern.

Excuse me.

Just tell me what you need, sir.

I'll get things co-ordinatedfrom here.

Thank you. Things arealready co-ordinated here.

So, why don't you go homeand get some rest?

- I assure you, I am capable of--- Ventress?

Tell PC Bellamyto drive Sergeant Craddock home.

And remember, Sergeant,

it takes two legs to tango.

Mr Greengrass?

CLAUDE: I'm in here.

Eh!

I ran all the wayso it wouldn't get cold.

What is it, then?

Well, Mam says it's hot pot.

- Is it?- Aye.

- Did you bring a fork?- No.

Mmm, lovely. Here you are, son.

Good boy. Good boy. That's it.

I hope you're keeping an eye

on what that dear sisterof mine's up to.

Oh, yeah.

She still keeps going onabout her husband of hers.

He was a famousWest Indian cricketer.

I have heard. Here you are, son.

I thought you brought some beer.

Oh, I must have left it outside.

Is that Healy's farm up there?

I suppose so. Why?

It's just there's a light on.

Nobody's lived up there for years.

Ah,it's probably the moon or something.

CLAUDE MUMBLES

Did you bring an opener?

I hope you've got strong teeth.

Oh!

Oh!

Look, we've got to have a party.

I mean, I can't think of anythingmore depressing

than a secret wedding?

That's what they want.

No, they don't.

Subconsciously, they don't.

I mean, why elsewould Mike tell loudmouth here,

unless he wantedall Yorkshire to know about it?

Well, I'm sorry. I think privatelives are meant to be private.

Is that why you won't tell me

why you're sleeping at the stationat night, Alf?

I'm not too oldto kick you up the backside, Phil.

What do you think, Oscar?

Me? I think they knowthere's quite a few people

not too keen on this match,

which is whythey wanted to keep it quiet.

So, you agree with them?

Well, intellectually,I suppose I do.

But, deep down,

well, you know me.

At heart, I'm a party animal.

ON TV: 'So, he's walking downRegent Street with his...'

DOOR OPENS

JACKIE: Hi.

Oh! What a day.

- Mmm.- Mmm.

I had a visit from Aunty Joyce.

You'd thinkI was marrying a mass m*rder*r.

It's not too late, Jack,if that's what you want.

No, it's not what I want at all.

But if you think we're rushinginto this just for the sake of it...

..it might be sensible.

- To slow down?- Yes.

No.

No.

Tomorrow, :.

I'll be there.

Promise?

Wild horses wouldn't drag me away.

David? What's the matter?

I've just been to tell that manabout a light I saw at Healy's farm,

and he just thinks I'm an idiot.

Then he goes and he pretendsthat he's not in charge.

What light was this?

Mr Greengrass, he's up,camping on the moors.

Last night, I took him his supperand saw a light at Healy's farm.

Now, nobody has livedat Healy's farm for years.

Not since Jimmy Healy. He drownedin Burneside Lake year ago.

OK, OK.

I'll look into it, OK?

Oh! And, David,thanks very much for coming in.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

How can I help you?

First, I wanted to say sorry.

OK. And second?

Hang on. I haven't finishedwith the first, yet.

Jackie, I really am sorry.

It just sort of slipped out.

Me and my big mouth.

Grovel, grovel, grovel.

OK. OK, you're forgiven.

The whole of Aidensfieldknows, anyhow.

So, what was the second thing?

Oh, I was wondering whatyou were wearing this afternoon?

This.

Maggie, it's only a registry office.

It's still your wedding.

You, Jackie Lambert,are coming shopping.

g*n COCKS

What are you going to do?

If you don't mind me saying so,you look terrible.

Shut up!

Is that why your friends left you?

You get shot, they run offwith the dosh.

Who needs enemies?

I said shut it!

Control to Panda One, come in. Over.

Control to Panda One, come in. Over.

What's going on, Phil?

Oh, Shiner's gonna wrap upthe inquiry from headquarters.

Have you seen Mike?

No. He's probably on his rounds.

I couldn't get him on the radio.

Perhaps, he doesn't wanna talkto you

on account of you telling everyoneabout his secret wedding.

- Not funny, Alf.- I know, it's not.

I wouldn't want to talk to you,either.

- Where are we going?- You're taking me home.

I should take you to a hospital.

You'll be the one needing a hospitalif you don't shut up.

- 'Panda One...'- Think I'd better get that,

or they'll know something's wrong.

PHIL: 'Mike, where are you?'PULLS RADIO OUT

Get in!

Look...

..I'm supposed to be getting marriedin two hours time.

Yeah, poor the other one.Just drive.

Oh, no!

HE GROANS

I hope you've got a visa.

- David told me where to come.- He what?

It's about time he found outwhich side his bread was buttered.

What do you want, anyway?

I've brought a bit of lunch.

But you're probably going to go outand catch a nice fresh trout

or a rabbit or something.

Well, I think I might havechanged my mind, then.

What've you brought up,tongue or cold shoulder?

I went through all your papers,by the way.

What?

You had stuff going back years.

I burnt most of it.

Burnt them? Half my life's in there.

I didn't burn your postcards,though.

What postcards?

SHE CHUCKLES

Your saucy postcards.

Saucy? If you think they're saucy,you've lived a very sheltered life.

They're just cartoons.I've had them since I was a lad.

Hope you've not took them out.

Of course I haven't.

I'm giving them to a manfrom a shop in York...

..for a price.- What sort of price?

I don't know, I'm meeting himdown the pub in half an hour.

Do you want to come?

- Jackie, it's perfect.- Oh, thank you, Maggie.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'll get it.

Oh, hello.

So, you're going through with it.

Yes.

Well, you know how we feel, Jackie.

But we still wish you the very best.

We do love you, you know.

I know.

But I'd so love you to be there,even if Uncle Henry can't.

I'm sorry, Jackie.

Thank you, dear sister.I think I'll have that.

Finders keepers.

You took. It weren't lost.

You didn't even knowthey were there.

It amounts to the same thing.

Of course it don't. This isdaylight robbery, this. Come on.

All right. Shall we say -?

Shall we not?I'll give you percent.

-. My final offer.

I honestly don't see how you can be

so penny-pinchingto your own brother.

If she's your sister,she's had a good teacher.

Give him nowt.

Oscar, keep your nose out, will you?

You must be the Oscar BlaketonI heard so much about.

Get him to tell you his side.

That's right, madam.You have all my sympathy.

Oh, you heard about my husband.

My sympathy has nothing to dowith your husband.

She's just come backfrom the West Indies.

You know, she was marriedto Vivian Christie.

What? The cricketer?

The West Indian cricketer?

Well, he was terrific.

I saw him play once at Headingley.

He scored a flawless , not out.

He had a square cut like a rapier.

You haven't seen Mike Bradleyanywhere, have you, Claude?

I try not to notice policemen.

Oh, he's gone up to Healy's farm.

Nobody's lived up there for years.

Aye. That's what I told him.

MIKE: Look, I wasn't joking aboutgetting married. I am.

:, Ashfordly Registry Office.

Chuff.

Marriage, steer clear, mate.Ain't worth the bother.

Oh, yeah? And robbing trains is?

Good point.

What's her name?

Jackie. She's a solicitor.

Blimey! A copper and a lawyer.

Remind me not to come aroundat dinner.

I really, really...

..do not wanna miss my own wedding.

She'll give you another chance.

Hang on,we passed this spot minutes ago.

You've been driving'round in circles!

I told you,I don't wanna miss my wedding.

Stop the car!

You're not going to sh**t me.

Quinn was an accident, wasn't he?

The signal.

How is he?

He'll be okay.

Look, there's only good one answerto a situation like this.

Let me take you to the hospital.

I said no.

I'm driving to the registry officeand I'm getting married.

As far as I'm concerned,you can bleed to death. Your choice.

It's five to three.We're never going to make it.

If he's over at Healy's farm,he must have found something.

Or someone. Possibly our third man.

You two get out there.He may be in trouble.

What about Jackie?

This is a disaster.

- Mike!- Phil, give us a hand, will you?

Funny hospital.

Right, get going, Bradley.We'll take care of all this.

Alf, it's OK.

DYSON: Bradley!

What?

Good luck.

Yeah, yeah. You, too.

- Miss Lambert?- That's right.

Your other party isn't here yet.

Yes, I can see that.

Excuse me.

- How are you doing?- All right.

HE YELLS

Whoa!

Are you OK?

HE SHOUTS

Jackie would have k*lled me, then.

- I'll get to Craddock about that.- Yeah, I know.

SIREN WAILING

This is a police emergency.

You can say that again.

I thought the bridewas supposed to be late.

He'll be here.

Yeah, but will I?

This isn't the only ceremonyI have to conduct, you know.

I'm sorry we're late.

You...

You look beautiful.

You look hot.

Well, I'm....

I'm sorry.

Look, I'll explain later.

Let's just do it, shall we?

As it happens, there's a problem.A burst pipe.

The ceremony will haveto be conducted in another room.

It's not big, but...

..as there are so few of you.

HE SIGHS

Hurry up.

ALL CHEERING

ALL: Ahhh!

ALL CHEER

Can we have the rings, please?

"I call upon these persons here

"to witness that I,Michael Dunston Bradley,

"do take thee,Jacqueline Rosemary Lambert,

"to be my lawful wedded wife."

I call upon these persons here

to witness that I,Michael Dunston Bradley,

do take thee,Jacqueline Rosemary Lambert,

to be my lawful wedded wife.

Dunston? You kept that quiet,didn't you?

THEY CHUCKLE

I call upon these persons here

to witness that I,Jacqueline Rosemary Lambert,

do take thee,Michael Dunston Bradley,

to be my lawful wedded husband.

MINISTER: Would you exchange ringsnow, please?

"Michael and Jacqueline,

"having repeated the declaratoryand contracting words,

"you are now husband and wife."

You may kiss the bride.

ALL CLAPPING AND CHEERING

JAZZ PLAYING

You were lucky, weren't you, Jackie?

Being able to find a copperwhen you wanted one.

JACKIE: Thank you, Claude.

Congratulations to you both.

Thank you very much.Were you married to Vivian Christie?

For years.

- The Vivian Christie?- Yes.

Vivian! Fancy having a woman's name.

Is she really going backto the West Indies?

She certainly is.I'm paying the postage.

It were a very good do.He would've enjoyed it.

Oh, yes, he would.

I'm sorry about before.

Oh, it's all right. Really.

I just wishUncle Henry could have been here.

I know. But he sends his love.

Well, more than that,

he's paid for the whole shindig.Insisted on it.

Welcome to the family.

Thank you.

MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING

SHE LAUGHS

No.

HE SIGHS

- No!- Yeah!

PHONE RINGS

Aidensfield Police.

It's for you.

Hello?

Is that Miss Lambert?

No, it's Mrs...

Who is this?

'My name is Dyson.'

I believe I had the pleasure

of meeting your husbandthis afternoon...

Yes,I've heard all about you, Mr Dyson.

'Then you'll understandI need a lawyer.'

JACKIE: 'Yes, I should think you do.

'Armed robbery, as*ault witha deadly w*apon, kidnapping a...'

DYSON: 'Miss Lambert?

'Are you there?'

I am.

So, will you take my case?

DYSON: 'Are you there?

'Miss Lambert?'