10x16 - The Long Weekend

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss

♪ When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

This is most unfortunate.

An important royal visit,

everything approved by the Chief Constable.

Don't worry, Your Lordship.

I'm sure Scripps' Security can offer a far better service.

You realise the prince is a White Russian

and as such, in constant danger from political enemies?

No problem, sir.

When I was running our Manchester operation,

we were used to coping with that sort of thing.

And now I'm expanding into Europe, we're dealing with it all the time.

Right, well, he'll need -hour cover.

Oh, naturally.

- And your very best man. - Absolutely.

Which is why I'm planning on going right to the top

and doing the job myself.

Nothing like the boss stepping in when it really matters, eh?

Of course, it will mean a slightly higher fee.

Mr Scripps, as you haven't shown me any references,

I think we'll sort out fees at the end, don't you?

When I've seen the quality of your work.

Yes. But I thought maybe a slight advance...

I'll expect you first thing tomorrow morning.

And, Scripps, the utmost discretion, the utmost vigilance.

Right.

Off you go, then.

SCOFFS

Does it look all right?

Oh, well. Come on, it looks great.

They're not getting here till tomorrow afternoon.

You don't have to take time off work,

Mike, I've got a million things to do!

Oh, come on.

Look, I'm not used to all of this, and... I'm nervous.

She's your niece, not mine.

Look. There's no need to be nervous.

She's a lovely girl and I'm sure her friend is, too.

- Okay? - Okay.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Ashfordly Police.

One moment, sir.

It's the Chief Constable, sarge.

What does he want?

I only employed you, Scripps,

because the local police were being so unhelpful.

You'd better not make a pig's ear of it.

Don't you worry, your Lordship. You have my complete confidence.

He's coming. Into line, come on.

Well, Ashfordly. Here we are.

Welcome, Your Highness.

Ah... Nikolas, may I present

Vernon Scripps, your bodyguard.

Top man from a first-rate, local security firm.

At your service, Prince Nikolai.

ASHFORDLY: This way sire.

Ah.

Rest assured, the local police will be here shortly.

How about a drink, fancy a port?

Splendid, Ashfordly. Let's drink to the weekend.

Right.

HE CHUCKLES

Prince Nikolas of Livonia, apparently.

I thought it had been clearly arranged!

It may well have been, Your Lordship,

but I've only just found out about it.

It was highly embarrassing.

We promised the prince the tightest security.

- There wasn't a policeman in sight! - I'm sorry.

From now on, I want a man on the gate at all times

and a man on patrol around the estate.

Certainly, my Lord.

He's a nervous man, Craddock, and with good reason.

There have been assassination attempts.

I'm sure we can keep the assassins at bay, Your Lordship.

Good!

Which way?

Up here and down to the right.

Ey up. We're being watched.

What?

Old geezer behind you.

Lovely day.

Hi. Are you settling in all right?

Yeah. The surgery's looking great. Come and see.

I can't. I've got Mike's niece and her friend arriving in a moment.

I've bought half the butcher's shop.

Good grief! How long they staying?

Just for the weekend. They're here to do a school nature project.

TRAIN WHISTLES

I've gotta go. I'll see you later.

- All right, see ya. - Bye.

- I'm so sorry I'm late. - It's all right, it's all right.

Don't worry. They're only kids, they won't bite.

How old did you say they were?

Pull! SHOTGUN FIRES

Pull.

SHOTGUN FIRES

Pull.

SHOTGUN FIRES

APPLAUSE

Pull. Oi!

For heaven's sake, Scripps!

Two men, sir. Over there, under the trees.

Right, er...

Scripps, get Prince Nikolas back to the house, quickly.

Shouldn't we stick together, sir?

Don't be ridiculous, Scripps! Get him back to the house now!

And call the police, tell them we've got intruders.

Gentlemen, with me!

Just as I was starting to enjoy myself.

The thing is, I can't pick you up

because of this Lord Ashfordly thing.

By the time I get off gate duty, get to the station, get changed...

Phil, it's all right. I can drive myself in.

No. I thought you were having your car serviced?

Well, yeah, I am. It'll be ready by then, silly.

Yeah, but I don't want you to drive. It's supposed to be my treat.

Oh, Phil. You're so sweet.

Gina, customers.

Look, just tell me where to be and I'll be there.

I really don't mind driving myself to Whitby.

- Okay. I'll see you later, then. - What can I get you?

A pint of bitter, please.

Ta-ra.

Big rough-looking characters. Heading for the woods,

going like the clappers.

All right, we'll go take a look around.

I suggest the prince goes inside and stays there, just in case.

- See to it, Scripps. - Come along, sir.

Is it really necessary?

I don't like it, Craddock. I don't like it at all.

I want these men found.

Right. Bradley that way, Ventress, you come with me.

Stay indoors? It's outrageous.

Well, it's for your own safety, sir.

I came down here for a country weekend. Get out and about!

I'm sure you did, but...

Not to be stuck in a stuffy old hall with people like Ashfordly.

They bore me stiff! I want some fun!

You've got your dance tomorrow, that should be fun.

A load of toffs letting their hair down.

Present company excepted, of course.

Of course. But I mean proper fun.

You could take me out, Scripps.

After dinner we could slip away, go to an English pub

and meet some real people! - I don't think so, sir.

I'll say I'm tired, go to my room.

You're going to get me into trouble, you are.

I'm going to try.

It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, Sarge.

I doubt there was anyone in the first place.

It's just Vernon's vivid imagination.

Or Lord Ashfordly's. The man's at a complete panic.

All this stupid talk about assassinations and intruders.

So, what do we do?

Leave it. You get back on the gate.

You and I, let's get back to Ashfordly,

get on with some proper police work.

Hello, David. That looks smart.

Thank you. Would you like to see inside?

Great.

- Wow! - Hello.

- Hi. - Hasn't he done a good job?

Oh, it wasn't just me, Dr Summerbee.

Oh, it looks great, Tricia. What an improvement.

What's all this?

They're all presents for the doctor. Everyone's been coming round.

Trouble is, they've all got something wrong with 'em,

even David.

I've been telling the doctor about me

about my bad dreams.

They've been waking me up at night and I can't get back to sleep again.

You'll be fine, David. Do you wanna come through?

Great. I'll see you, David.

SIGHS So? How's it going?

Oh, don't ask.

- It can't be that bad! - It is! I'm no good at it.

I'm sure you are.

KNOCK ON DOOR Oh, no! Please not another cake!

- Mr Blaketon. - Trish.

Oh, a bottle of sherry, that's lovely.

I realise you're not officially open yet.

But I was wondering, if you've got some time,

SOFTLY: Could you take a look in my ears?

Hello, Oscar.

That smells great.

MUSIC: 'These Boots Are Made For Walking' by Nancy Sinatra

JACKIE: Dinner's ready, girls.

Tuck in.

We're vegetarian.

- Keep it over the weekend? - Yes.

But she wants it tomorrow.

Yes, but I don't want her to have it.

Why?

Don't worry about the whys. I want to give her a surprise.

- Why? - What?

What surprise?

All I'm saying is I don't want her to drive, I want her to be driven.

- By me? - Exactly.

And I've got to say her car's not ready?

Yes.

But that's a lie.

Bernie, just do it.

Please?

Well, that was a roaring success.

Oh, come on. We weren't to know they were vegetarians.

They're just a couple of kids, you'll see.

This time tomorrow, it'll all be fine.

We're going out.

- Sorry? - A walk.

A walk? Well... that's a great idea.

Mike and I can show you round the village.

- No! - No, we'll be all right.

Well...

Well, don't be long! DOOR SHUTS

♪ They call me mellow yellow

♪ They call me mellow yellow

♪ They call me mellow yellow ♪

Oh, play it again. I love that one.

Hang on, Lou. We'd better watch the time.

It's early, Anne. Get off, Tim.

You don't know my Auntie Jackie.

She thinks we're about six.

Where does she think you are at the moment?

Dunno. Doing our biology project, I expect.

In the dark. ALL LAUGH

DOOR CLOSES

- Hi. - Hi.

Where are the girls?

Louise! Anne!

I'd better go and find them.

I think you'd better.

How delicious that looks.

LAUGHS

Oh, could you fill these up, please, my dear?

Steady!

Oh, don't be a killjoy, Scrippsy.

He certainly likes his drink. Don't you think he's had enough?

Nonsense!

Well, don't blame me when you wake up with a sore head.

You were supposed to be playing body guards to some Russian prince.

- I am. - Looks like it.

Why Lord Ashfordly would take on

a bumbling amateur like you, beats me.

I mean it's a skilled job being a body guard.

It's a job for a trained police officer.

Especially if its royalty.

DOOR OPENS

JACKIE: Where on earth have you been?

Mike and I have been worried sick! He's out looking for you!

I was just about to phone your parents.

Well, come on, I am waiting for an explanation.

Right. I'm afraid that tomorrow night,

I'm gonna have to insist that you both stay in.

I'm not having you wandering around Aidensfield in the dark.

Anyone for a hot drink?

POP MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

Stupid cow.

Who does she think she is?

NIKOLAS GROANS

Scrippsy, my foot hurts.

CRASHING

What the devil?

Sorry, my lord. I... tripped.

Well, for goodness' sake, be quiet. I do not want the prince disturbed!

I think we've covered everything.

If there's anything else you need to know,

just give me a call any time.

Thank you very much indeed.

Till Monday week, then. Nine o'clock sharp.

Bye-bye.

SHOUTS

What have you done, sir?

Did you fall on it?

- No. - Have you dropped something on it?

GROANS

Tell me what you've done, sir!

I'm dying.

Oh, 'eck...

What am I gonna say to Lord Ashfordly?

ASHFORDLY: A Chablis.

Bordeaux

and a Margaux.

Even though there are only half a dozen bottles left.

Never mind, it'll be worth it.

Yes, my Lord.

And the Chateau d'Yquem. The prince's favourite.

- Excuse me, sir. - What is it, Scripps?

We need a doctor.

Girls. Are you up yet?

LAUGHS

MURMURED CONVERSATION

- ANNE: Don't you remember? - LOUISE: No.

He weren't that nice.

He was. Anyway, he fancied you more than he did me.

- You're just jealous. - No, I'm not.

Yes you are. 'Cause he's gorgeous.

- He's not. - He is. He's got lovely hands.

Oh, yeah? And where have they been?

And what about you and Robert?

- I saw you. - Shut up!

Hi.

Who are you?

It's too late to cancel the party

It's too late to cancel the other guests.

I mean, he came especially for the Scottish dancing.

I'm sorry, sir.

Being sorry is not enough, Scripps.

What's he done to his foot for heaven's sake?

I don't know.

He won't be doing the Eightsome Reel on it, will he?

No, sir.

You told me you ran a quality security operation.

What do you do? You take him to a pub!

I didn't take him, sir. He took himself.

You should have stopped him! That's what I hired you for!

To keep him safe.

Not get him so drunk and ill that I have to call a doctor.

Well?

It's gout, sir, that. That's all.

Gout?

Aggravated by too much alcohol.

This is unbelievable. You've given him gout!

Right, get him to take these.

With any luck he'll be a better by tonight.

But keep him away from the drink.

What about my party?

I've selected some of my very best wines.

Not for the prince, I'm afraid. Just fruit juice or water.

This is all your fault, Scripps.

I hold you personally responsible.

In fact, you're fired! Now get out!

Nonsense, Ashfordly. I wouldn't hear of it.

Scripps and I suit each other very well.

ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING

My parents would never let me do something like this.

Neither would ours.

They don't know. They think we're doing our biology project.

- So how did you find this place? - Dunno.

Yes you do, Tim. We found it on a school trip.

It seemed like a really groovy place for a party.

What are you on about? We're not having a party.

We are. Tonight.

Yeah. Come along if you like.

Yeah. Bring friends.

Great!

I could... get you some dope if you like.

Okay.

We did have some but we... ran out.

- Bring it with you. - Yeah, great.

MUSIC: 'Living In The Past' by Jethro Tull

Hey, guess what?

- Did someone speak? - Or squeak?

LAUGHTER

No, honestly. There's gonna be a rave-up on the moors tonight.

Ooh, a rave-up, eh, Kenny?

Yeah. It's gonna be fab.

There's gonna be loads of dope and drinks and music and that.

- Yeah? - There is.

Where?

Near Aidensfield.

Hiya, Bernie.

I've come to pick the car up.

Oh, Gina. Oh, dear. I'm afraid it's not ready.

Not ready?

Well, not safe to drive.

Why?

Well, the rear brakes aren't working properly.

And I can't get the spare parts till Monday.

Bernie, I need the car tonight! It's all right. I'll take you.

What? I'll take you to Whitby. I've spoken to Phil.

Don't worry, it's all fixed up.

I'll pick you up just after seven. All right?

SIGHS Well it'll have to be, won't it?

SIGHS

- Ta for the lift. - Have a nice party.

I wouldn't have said you have to travel to broaden the mind.

It rather depends what kind of broadening you're after.

I thought I might find you here.

Don't be a spoilsport. Have a drink.

We've got to get back.

- Come on. - The guests are are arriving.

Lord Ashfordly's in a flat spin, and you know what the doctor said.

It doesn't hurt at all now. Just one.

- No! - I'm thirsty.

Prince Nikolas, please. Ashfordly'll string me up.

Good evening.

Oh, no.

Right. Who's for a game of Monopoly?

Oh, we can't.

Now, girls, you're not going out. That's been decided.

- We know but... - We're really tired.

Okay. Well, let's just all watch telly, then.

Great idea. Look, I know we've missed Dr Who, but...

We'd prefer to go to our room.

JACKIE: Oh, but...

No, no. Fine, fine.

You go and do whatever you want.

I told you, they just don't want to be with us.

You know, I think you're right.

I am never, never having children.

Well, especially not teenagers.

BOTH LAUGH

Think of the money, Bernard. Think of the tips!

I can't, Vernon. I promised Phil I'd take Gina to Whitby.

Well, David can take her.

- What? In the truck? - Yes.

Look, I'm gonna have to leave it with you.

I've got to get the Prince back to the party.

Well?

Wish me luck, Sarge.

You'll be fine.

She's a lucky girl.

It's a total sell-out.

The working man has been totally let down.

Yeah, well, there's gonna be a revolution.

Aye. Course there is.

Oi! Feet off the table! Please.

Harold Wilson, George Brown...

David. I've got a little job for you.

I've got to collect Lord Ashfordly's guests from the station.

So you've gotta take Gina to Whitby.

- Who, me? - Yes.

- What, in the truck? - Yes.

To the Abbey Ruins for eight o'clock. Got it?

Yeah.

Whatever you do, don't tell her where you're going.

It's a surprise... apparently.

It's the dialectic you see. The rise of the proletariat.

- I said, feet off the table. - The withering away of the state.

All right, that's it. Get out!

Just get on your feet and get out of my pub now!

All of you!

Cheers, grandad!

Come the glorious revolution, brother, you'll be first to go.

Long-haired, good-for-nothing layabouts.

Bring back national service, that's what I say.

Oh, great!

Come here, Alfred.

You do look lovely, Gina.

Yeah. Great start to a romantic evening.

ENGINE STARTS

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What have we got here, then?

Oh, that's where my dad works.

Yeah. What's going on, though?

Dunno.

There's a party there.

There's a prince there or something. He's dead posh.

Right, come on.

Interesting.

DOOR OPENS

Kenny. Is this it?

Excuse me. You said this were a party.

Look, you can't just barge in.

There's no booze, no music... Is this some kind of joke?

No, it's not my fault. It was them. They said...

We never said anything. We just...

Never mind what they said. Now we've got a problem.

You're gonna to help us solve it. Come on.

Yeah. Come on, young Ken. Come on, you lot.

Back soon, girls and boys.

Is this it?

I'm not meant to say. It's supposed to be a surprise.

Right.

Ta-ra, David.

Bye.

LOUD CHATTERING

SILENCE

MAN: Hello, darling. Are you all right?

SCOTTISH MUSIC PLAYS

How lovely to see you. You look wonderful.

Oh, yes. Very fine.

Reed.

Are you sure he hasn't come down?

I don't think so, my Lord.

Amelia, my dear. Wonderful.

Nikolas, thank goodness.

Good evening.

Perhaps you might introduce me to this charming young lady.

Your Highness, may I present Lady Amelia Stainton.

How delightful.

HIGHLAND REEL PLAYS

Oh. The ruling classes...

at play.

You reckon we can get in through the cellar?

Well, yeah, but...

Shh! Ownership is theft, Kenny boy.

Come on. Show us the way.

My dad'll k*ll us!

Oh, oh, yes.

How many shall we take?

Just grab that lot, both of you.

Where are you going?

Just carry on. I'll see what else they've got in here.

We don't need to take that much.

Kenny, shut it. Find a box and grab this fast!

BAND PLAYS 'SCOTLAND THE BRAVE'

Ssh.

This way.

NIKOLAS: Here we are.

LAUGHS

What can be nicer than this?

Good evening, Your Highness.

Ah. Here we are.

At last we can hear ourselves think.

Evening.

Oi!

PLATTER CRASHES

Come on. Come on.

Come on, everybody.

Take a trip... float downstream.

Ooh. Magic pills!

And only a tanner a time. Do you want some?

Okay, right. I'll just give you these two for free.

There you go. Go on. Take care.

Hey, gorgeous. What would you like?

What have you got?

Anything. There you go.

Here's your hand, there you go.

Lovely. And not all at once, okay?

Louise?

INDISTICT CONVERSATION

Can I have a word, sir?

Not now, Scripps.

But sir...

Scripps?

MUSIC: 'Strawberry Fields' by The Beatles

BOTTLES CLATTERING

SIGHS

- All right? - Yeah.

They must have been tired. Poor little things.

Not so little.

No.

Look, I'm sorry I've been such a pain.

You... No, you've been terrific.

I know you thought I was being hard on them, keeping them in,

but girls of that age need to know boundaries.

Quite right, too.

They've been perfectly happy up there,

chatting, listening to the radio.

It would seem so.

I'd better go and say goodnight.

MUSIC: 'Cast Your Fate To The Wind' by Vince Guaraldi

Louise? Louise, wake up.

Louise! Louise, wake up!

Louise.

Louise!

Mike! Mike!

David, have you not got a home to go to?

Mr Vernon's not there. I don't like it by myself.

You've got Alfred.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Oh, hello, Phil.

No, no. Hang on. It weren't me in the end. It were David.

You did take Gina, didn't you?

Oh, yeah. Hours ago.

Yeah. He dropped her off, just like you said.

Phil? Philip?

It wasn't very nice, though.

What?

The Abbey Arms. Gina didn't like it.

The Abbey Arms?

I said the Abbey ruins!

Well done, David!

SOBS

CONTINUES SOBBING

Dinner everybody. This way! Tally-ho!

You can sit next to me. Tell me all about it.

My lord.

ASHFORDLY: Now what?

- The wine's gone. - What?

The wine you set aside.

VIOLINS PLAYING

Where on earth has Ashfordly got to?

BANGING

My niece, Anne, and her friend. Well, what do they look like?

Long hair, jeans, beads.

I've seen people like that. Loads of 'em.

All right, David. Just calm down.

We had some hippies in here earlier, but nothing to do with your niece.

Yeah, but I gave them a lift. They were going to a party.

But we've looked everywhere. Someone must have seen them.

Wait a minute. What party, David?

In a barn. I don't know. Where?

Up there, through the woods.

My hay barn! Trespassers, I knew it!

It was only supposed to be the four of us.

Then all these people came, I'd never seen them before.

This horrible man went off and came back

with all this wine and bottles of pills and Louise took some.

Right! Come on!

Come on, Scrippsy!

That's it, my dear. Show us the way!

Wait! Hang on!

EVERYONE SHOUTING

Careful, lads.

Louise!

POP MUSIC FROM RADIO

My Margaux.

My Margaux!

My pills.

What happened?

Pills.

- How many has she taken? - I dunno.

I'll call Dr Summerbee.

Disgraceful.

But good fun. The best fun I've had in ages.

ASHFORDLY: Entertainment over, everybody.

Supper is served.

Hey.

I'm so sorry, Auntie Jackie. I'm sorry for being so horrible.

Come on. I think we were both to blame.

No. I was awful to you.

And I'd forgotten what it was like to be a teenager.

You can go and see her now, if you like.

Is she all right?

She will be. Why don't you go and see Mike. I'll stop here for a bit.

Thank you.

How are you feeling?

The bowl, quick!

Thanks, Oscar.

Excuse me, David.

I told you it was worth it, Bernard.

Job done, money in the bag.

I thought Prince Thingy was staying till Monday.

Ah, yes. Well, he got a better offer.

At the party. And she's invited him to stay in her castle.

Ashfordly was miserable.

But my good friend the prince has rewarded me, handsomely.

What's in there, then?

VERNON: Viola!

Crikey, Mr Vernon. You're a millionaire!

Aye, lad. I think this calls for drinks all round.

Oh, aye. How are you gonna pay for them?

Russian Rubles.

Rubles? Are you sure I can change these?

Take 'em to any bank. That should cover it.

You can't change those. What?

You can't spend them anywhere except in Russia.

You mean they're worthless?

Unless he goes to live in Russia, of course.

LAUGHS

OSCAR: Gina. You're back early.

Well, it's not very early.

Actually, it's quite late. Your sign's upside down.

PHIL: Gina!

I'm sorry.

Wait a minute.

Georgina Ward.

Will you marry me?

SIGHS

Oh, Phil.

Say yes, Gina.

Please say yes.