12x03 - A Dog's Life

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

SHEEP BLEAT

WHISTLES THREE TIMES

PUPS WHIMPER

SHEEP BLEAT

WHISTLES THREE TIMES

Hello.

Come for a cuddle, OK?

Hey, good lass. Well done, lass. Well done.

Good girl. Good girl.

Ah.

Thought any more about my offer, Rawson?

I told you. The puppies aren't for sale.

I'd have thought a few extra quid'd come in handy to a chap like you.

Shall we go again, then, lass?

Come on. Eh.

Good girl.

WHISTLES

She looks on form.

See you at the trials, then.

Do you reckon she'll win?

Aye, I reckon she might well do this year.

I reckon this little fella's taken a fancy to you.

Aye.

Best take him home with you.

Wh...?

Oh, thanks, Mr Rawson.

Yeah, thank you. I will.

Come on, then. Come on.

We've never had the County Sheepdog Trials here before.

A great honour. Don't get me wrong. I just don't want any trouble.

I don't think public order will be a problem.

You say that. I'm relying on you to see that it isn't.

But I'm telling you, the public can be a fickle beast.

One moment, they're happy as Larry,

the next, children are tearing the place apart.

I've delegated the matter to PC Bradley.

He'll quell any potential rioters.

Ah, George! Now, here's the man they'll all be coming to see, what?

Last year's runner-up at the National Sheepdog Trials.

You must be glad of the opportunity to compete on your home turf.

One has to show willing. It's a local event.

I'll catch you later, Charlie.

- Pop up to the Hall for a drink. - I will.

Grand chap.

Have you got a moment, your lordship?

SIGHS What is it, Scripps?

I've already told you,

I'm not interested in hot dogs or any of your other rubbish.

Gina Ward is running the beer tent,

the WI are providing cakes and sandwiches.

That is quite enough.

As your lordship rightly says, the public can be a fickle beast,

if their creature comforts are denied.

Especially if they have to queue for their WI cuppa.

Hang on. Maybe there is something you can do.

The chap providing the portable lavatories hasn't turned up.

Dr Summerbee knows I need a repeat prescription. I phoned yesterday.

As I'm sure Dr Summerbee has told you,

you must come in and see her about it. She doesn't like...

How ridiculous is that? It's a waste of my time and hers.

Perhaps you'd like to wait see her now?

No, I would not.

Come on.

Oh, sorry.

You look like you could do with a drink even more than me.

How about the Aidensfield Arms after work?

Do I have to wait that long?

I could call it "Scripps At Your Convenience".

"Comfort and convenience for every outdoor occasion."

Well, it certainly rolls off the tongue.

What about "Bernie's Bogs"? That sounds even better.

Don't involve me in this.

I think it lacks a certain finesse, Gina.

I think you should never have let Lord Ashfordly con you into it.

As ever, dear brother,

you lack the imagination to seize the opportunity.

Sheepdog trials are just the start, bernard

There's all sorts of outdoor events that require lavatorial facilities.

Surely, you need equipment.

I've got equipment, Bernard.

I've got two old army tents, gallons of disinfectant,

and half a dozen buckets, galvanised,

which I purchased this very afternoon.

At least you've kept your capital outlay down.

Exactly, Oscar. I'll be a millionaire in ten years.

What I want to know is, who'll emptying the buckets?

Hello!

David, where have you been all day? I've been rushed off my feet.

Well, Mr Rawson, he let me watch him practise with his dogs.

And he's given me something.

PUP WHIMPERS

What is that?

Oh, it's gorgeous!

And his name is...Rover.

Did you think of that name all by yourself?

Yeah.

JENNY: She's always so rude.

I want to give her a piece of my mind.

There's nothing really wrong with her.

Not strictly true. She's had severe anxiety for some time.

What's she got to be anxious about? Rich husband. Drives a Jag.

Doesn't know when she's well-off.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

She can't spend the next years popping tranquillisers.

- I've told her that. - You may have to tell her again.

She expects her prescription to be there tomorrow, without fail.

- You're looking a bit glum. - Talking shop. How was your day?

Scintillating...

I've just spent the entire afternoon

turning one of Lord Ashfordly's fields into a car park.

Bradley. Ladies.

- Surprised to see you here, Sarge. - Well, I...

I'll get the drinks in.

Actually, I was hoping to see you, Doctor.

Heard from Division?

Yes. They've decided that, subject to medication,

the fact that I'm diabetic should have no bearing whatsoever

on my position as Station Sergeant.

I should hope so. That's what I told them.

Thank you.

You are not, I repeat, NOT keeping that puppy.

I'm gonna train him up to be a champion like his mam.

Mr Rawson said he'll teach me.

David, it takes patience to train a sheepdog.

Years of hard work.

And what about Alfred?

Well, er...

They could be...friends.

ALFRED GROWLS

David, if Alfred gets hold of that, he'll think it's his dinner.

SONG: 'Sentimental Journey'

Night then, sarge.

Night, Bradley.

Perhaps we could go on somewhere?

Perhaps we could.

What are you rascals up to?

Eh? Come on. Come here.

Hey, yeah.

Where's your mam?

Jess?

Jess? Jess?

Jess? Jess!

Come here, lass! Good girl. Come here, Jess.

Good lass.

Come here.

Good girl.

I'm just taking the children to school.

Right.

I don't think much of your response time, Merton.

What seems to be the problem?

This.

Dyer found them on the moors this morning.

Well, is this a police matter?

Sheep die on the moors all the time.

It is when they've been savaged.

A dog, you reckon?

Yes, and I want something done about it.

Well, is there a particular dog that you suspect?

Only one dog round here is capable of that.

Been a sheep worrier for years.

Never k*lled before, though.

- Any idea who it belongs to? - A neighbour, unfortunately.

Got a poky little place over the hill.

Name of Tommy Rawson.

I don't give a monkey's what George Harding says.

My dog's not a sheep worrier. Never has been.

But you do admit she was loose last night?

See these fellas?

Two month old.

Is a bitch with puppies likely to go chasing round t'countryside?

We're not accusing you, Mr Rawson. just trying to establish the facts.

I've got nowt to hide.

She did slip her collar last night, but she never goes far.

Any road, I've just been out

and bought a new padlock for the outhouse.

I suggest you make good use of it.

I intend to. It's a valuable dog is that.

Come on.

So, what do you reckon, Sarge? Do you think it was his dog?

Ah, probably. Who knows?

Well, so long as he locks it up in future, I suppose.

Times like this, Bradley, make me miss CID.

Oh, I don't know. You seem to be settling in quite well.

Making new friends.

Why don't you get down to Ashfordly Hall.

I don't want his lordship giving me grief

about his car parking.

Fetch!

Fetch!

You're supposed to fetch it.

And you're supposed to be loading that lorry.

gallons of disinfectant won't shift itself.

I keep telling him to fetch. He doesn't understand English.

That is because he's a dog, David.

Get him locked up in the house, otherwise we're gonna be late.

Fetch!

Mike, I'll tell him as soon as he comes in.

DOOR OPENS

Hold on, Mike. He's here now.

Sarge, Mike's up at the Hall.

He says there's a right set-to going on.

Something about Mr Harding and a dog,

and his lordship wants you up there to sort things out.

I don't believe this.

The whole credibility of the trials is at stake.

Personally, I'm not prepared to lend my name

to some hole-in-the-wall event that takes a cavalier attitude.

Come on, George. That's hardly fair.

His dog k*lled my sheep.

- That's a damned lie. - I want him disqualified.

Aye, that'd suit you very well. You're not even a proper sheep man.

Someone else does all the graft, while you play at being Lord Muck.

- Let's just calm down. - This is not a personal matter.

Not much.

You cannot have a credible sheepdog trials,

if you allow to compete a dog which is a known k*ller.

I think Mr Harding makes a valid point, my lord.

Thank you, Blaketon.

If it is a k*ller, it should be disqualified.

This man can tell us for certain. This sheep savaging.

I presume you've looked into it. - Yes.

Do you believe Rawson's dog to be the culprit?

Well, possibly. It was certainly on the loose last night.

I'd have thought that was evidence enough.

Not really. We're not short of dogs.

Is the dog guilty? That's all we need to know.

I've no idea, as I'm sure PC Bradley has already told you.

This is absurd.

Well, I've no idea what we should do.

"Innocent until proved guilty" is a principle of English law

that has stood the test of time.

- Very true. - Thank you, Mr Blaketon.

What...? So, you're refusing to disqualify him?

Well, it would seem so, yes.

LORD ASHFORDLY: Not the answer he wanted, I fear.

You're a young woman, Mrs Harding.

I'm very reluctant to keep prescribing tranquillisers.

That's ridiculous. How am I supposed to manage?

Look, I know anxiety can be debilitating.

I'd like to refer you to a specialist psychiatric unit.

You'll get a proper assessment and then maybe...

- I'm not some kind of lunatic. - I'm not...

Plenty of women suffer with nerves. My mother did all her life.

It's probably hereditary.

I just need my prescription, then I can manage.

There's more to life than just managing. If you'd consider...

You do-gooders make me sick.

What would my husband say

to the idea of me seeing a psychiatrist?

I'd be happy to talk to your husband and explain.

You're not married, are you? I don't think you understand men.

Well, maybe not, but I do understand one thing,

tranquillisers are no solution to an unhappy marriage.

KNOCK AT DOOR

What now, Ventress?

I'll never get anything useful done today at this rate.

The Chief Constable's on the phone for you, sarge.

That's all I need.

Good morning, sir. Merton here.

Yes, I've just come from Ashfordly Hall.

Yes, I am aware of the situation.

Yes, but...

Well, of course, sir...

Sir, we currently have about sheepdogs in the area...

Yes, I understand.

I will indeed...

"sort it out".

Trouble, Sarge?

It seems our Mr Harding has friends in high places.

Better get your helmet, Ventress.

MUSIC: 'Gotta Travel On' by Johnny Kidd & The Pirates

♪ I'm a-gonna raise a fuss, I'm a-gonna raise a holler

♪ About a-working all summer just to try to earn a dollar

♪ Well, one time I called my baby

♪ Tried to get a date... ♪

Lunch, it's on me.

Really?

I wish Alf was here to witness this.

- What are you two lads having? - Make mine a pint, Gina.

Hey, You can't drink in uniform. Merton'll k*ll us.

He's not gonna come down here. That's why he's lumbered us.

- He'll have a lemonade. - I've been stuck in that car park.

This is my dinner break. I'll have a pint.

Right.

David, keep it still, will you?

I am keeping it still!

We never had this trouble at El Alamein.

That's cos you weren't there.

Bernard, don't just stand there like a lemon. Pass the tent pegs!

Camping out, are you, lads?

- There you go. - Thank you, Gina.

What...?

Sarge.

I put you two in charge of this operation.

And where do I find you? In the beer tent.

- We were just... - I called them.

I had a bit of trouble.

You're a loyal friend, Gina, which is more than they deserve.

We have work to do.

I want every dog owner here today interviewed.

I want to know where their animals are kept

and where every single creature was between sunset yesterday

and sunrise today.

And I want a proper note taken of every interview.

You're kidding, Sarge.

- Unfortunately not. - But that's ridiculous.

It is, indeed, Bradley, but then being ridiculous

is the Chief Constable's prerogative.

Let's get on with it.

MUSIC: 'Slow Down' by Gerry & The Pacemakers

♪ Well, come on pretty baby won't you walk with me

♪ Come on pretty baby won't you talk with me

♪ Come on pretty baby give me one more chance

♪ Try and save our romance

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby, now you're moving way too fast... ♪

If I could have your attention, please.

PA FEEDBACK

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you all

to this year's County Sheepdog Trials,

which I am very proud to be hosting here

at Ashfordly Hall for the next two days.

Without further ado, I'll hand you over to our guide and commentator,

a man I'm sure you all know, Mr Oscar Blaketon.

OSCAR: Thank you, my lord. We've got two very exciting days

of competition ahead of us, in which we will see

of the finest sheepdogs in the county

put through their paces.

I'm telling you, this year, this course is not an easy one.

First up is a local man from Aidensfield.

Mr Tommy Rawson and his dog Jess.

Come on, Jess.

OSCAR: Now, Jess is four years old

and in fact, two years ago, was County Champion.

So, I'm sure we're all very keen

to see her perform for us today.

Off you go, Tommy, and good luck.

COMMENTATOR: 'Jess has been sent out to the right.'

RAWSON WHISTLES

I really don't think you've got too much to worry about.

I'll not be made a fool of, Dyer.

Not by some damned clod-hopping hill farmer.

'She has a perfect lift,

bringing the sheep nicely down the field to the fetch hurdle.'

David, have you clocked off or summat?

No. I was watching Mr Rawson do his run.

We've left Bernard holding the fort.

Literally. Come on. Let's be having you.

APPLAUSE

Well, that was a very nice run from Tommy and Jess.

RAWSON: Good lass.

OSCAR: The judges have awarded points.

I'm sure that will be very difficult to beat.

So, well done, Tommy and Jess.

COUGHS

What the hell are you doing here?

As if I didn't know.

I thought you wanted the children to come and watch you.

God knows what you think you're wearing.

It's a dress, George.

One that you...you used to like.

Daddy's busy.

Let's see if we can find an ice cream.

Where've you been? I thought you'd gone to fetch tent pegs.

There appears to be a shortage, Bernard.

David, take over for him, will you?

I've got terrible pins and needles.

GINA: David! What are you trying to do? Expose me in all my glory?

I was...

MUMBLES Oh.

SIGHS

It's all right for some.

I've dealt with a bee sting and two nasty blisters already.

Good riddance, I say.

Mrs Harding?

I think I owe you an apology for this morning.

I spoke out of turn. It's not for me to...

SOBS

Look, come on. Come and sit down. Come on.

That looks like a yummy ice cream. I wish I had one of those.

'Absolutely delighted there.'

Right. What have we got?

Most people chain their dogs up at night. That's about it.

Some sleep indoors.

One woman lets her dog sleep at the end of the bed.

He keeps her feet warm.

I didn't ask for a sociological survey, Bellamy.

So, what are you going to tell the Chief Constable?

In truth, we've investigated the matter thoroughly

and found no conclusive evidence.

BRADLEY: Maybe he doesn't like competition.

MERTON: A gentleman like Mr Harding?

I'm shocked at you, Bradley (!)

Well, our next competitor needs no introduction. He's a local hero.

His first big success with his dog Tsar,

was last year when he came second in the National Sheepdog Trials.

I'm sure he's going to impress us today.

So, let's hear it for Mr George Harding

with his dog Tsar.

APPLAUSE

'Tsar has been sent out to the left.'

I hate these kind of jobs, Bradley.

Give me a nice, straightforward bank robbery any day.

You know what you need, Sarge?

A nice cup of tea.

I'd prefer a pint.

'..upset the sheep, which have bolted off to the right.

'They're all over the place.'

WHISTLES

'He's trying to get them back on course.

'He's completely missed the fetch hurdle.

'Oh, no. He's stopping to sniff on the way round.

'Slips two at the cross drive. That's a disastrous run.

'Mr Harding's not at all happy with Tsar.'

Come on. Come on, you stupid mutt.

Never mind, old chap. We all have our off days.

- Who's in the lead? - Rawson, I think.

Still, not to worry. You'll soon catch up tomorrow.

Come on.

Right, say that his mam's the champion, right?

So, if he had some puppies, they'd be worth a bob or two?

David, I said I'd think about it.

Come on, Alfred. In you go, lad.

Now look what you've done.

What? I haven't done anything.

He thinks you don't want him anymore.

He's been rejected for a younger, fluffier model.

Well, of course, I...

Alfred?

DAVID: Alfred!

DAVID: Alfred!

David! There's puddles everywhere!

Get in here now!

ROVER WHIMPERS

I don't think I can stand much more of this.

I thought this was what you wanted.

If this is your idea of making an effort...

I am making an effort.

I thought the doctor had given you something

to stop you crying all over the place.

She can't prescribe me pills indefinitely.

SNIFFS

You'll have to pull yourself together, then.

I've had to.

I didn't want it to turn out like this.

I'm not the one to blame,

but you don't see me crying in my boots all the time.

No, you just speak to me like I'm a skivvy

and not your wife.

You haven't exactly behaved like a wife, have you?

Well, he's never normally late. So, come on, Mike. Dish the dirt.

He's seeing Jenny. That's all I know.

It'll end in tears. Mark my words.

PHONE RINGS Don't be so miserable, Alf. Why?

He's a stuffed shirt and she's a lass that loves a bit of fun.

Morning, Sarge.

Morning, lads. Nice to see you hard at it bright and early.

You seem in a good mood this morning, Sarge.

Oh, yes, Mr Harding. What can we do for you?

Well, I was.

I've got four more injured over there.

When did you discover them?

Dyer came across them first thing.

Any possibility it could have been one of your dogs?

Absolutely not.

My dogs are kept in secure kennels,

which you're very welcome to inspect.

You must appreciate, Mr Harding, there's no evidence here

to suggest who the culprit is.

I've told you who the culprit is.

And Mr Rawson has assured us

that his dog would be securely locked up overnight.

Well, he would say that. There's a k*ller dog on the loose.

When are you going to start taking the problem seriously?

We are taking it seriously.

If that were true, I wouldn't be standing here

with dead and injured livestock, would I?

We're going to get to the bottom of this, Mr Harding.

I can assure you of that.

I'm not happy about this, Mr Harding.

Oh, do shut up, Dyer.

♪ If you could only see me

♪ And know exactly where I am

♪ You wouldn't want to be me...

♪ Oh, I can assure you of that

♪ I'm not the guy to run with

♪ Cos I'll throw you off the line

♪ I'll break you and destroy you

♪ Given time

Hello, Mr Rawson. Do you wanna come in?

- Have you seen Jess? - No.

Someone broke in t'shed and let her out.

Puppies were by themselves.

She'd never leave 'em like that.

- What's going on? - Mr Rawson's lost his dog.

You mean, somebody's nicked her?

It must have rained all night, David.

Let's hope it dries out by this afternoon.

I didn't think you made house calls, except in emergencies.

I thought talking informally might help.

A cosy chat? How pleasant.

Though I don't see what good it will do.

Maureen, if you can work out what's making you so unhappy,

maybe you can do something to change it.

What if I already know I can't?

You seem pretty sure.

- I am. - Why?

Because I've made one stupid mistake after another.

Now there's no way out. - OK.

What was your first stupid mistake?

I suppose it was marrying a man I didn't really love.

You must have had your reasons.

Yeah. I thought I was being clever.

I married him because he was well-off

and I didn't fancy being an air hostess

for the rest of my life.

Serves me right, that's what you're thinking.

- Have you ever thought of leaving? - And do what?

He'd cut me off without a penny.

I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm not cut out to be a divorcee.

Now do I get my prescription?

He's taken my dog. I know he has.

Have you any proof of this, Mr Rawson?

I put a brand-new lock on that shed, the one I showed you.

Someone took it off with a crowbar.

More of Mr Harding's sheep have been savaged.

He's suggesting your dog is the culprit.

He just wants me out of the trial. He knows I can beat him.

You're saying he's deliberately k*lling his own sheep

just to incriminate your dog?

I know he's competitive, but that seems a mite extreme.

He's a rich man. What's a few sheep more or less to him? Ask Bill Dyer.

Whatever Harding's up to, he's part of it.

Right. I'll certainly look into it.

I'm going to try and track down Dyer.

He lives in one of Harding's farm cottages. Over and out.

THUNDER RUMBLES

That's all we need.

Oscar, we'll have to get the water off the top or it'll collapse.

VERNON: Fear not, Gina. Help is at hand!

Give it a good shove, David.

Very good. That's very helpful!

If I see or hear anything,

I'll certainly let you know.

Be with you in a minute, Mrs Harding.

I can't bear this, Maureen.

Go away, Tommy. We agreed.

He's got my dog.

Somebody might see us. You know I can't talk to you.

I just found these in your Land Rover, Mr Dyer.

So?

So Tommy Rawson thinks you've got his dog.

I use a crowbar all the time. I need it for my job.

You weren't too happy this morning, were you?

I just want this business cleared up, OK?

No farmer likes to see a load of dead sheep.

Tell me, is it difficult to k*ll a sheep?

For a dog, you mean?

For a man with a knife.

I wouldn't know anything about that.

Come on, Bill. What's going on here?

I work for Mr Harding and I've got nowt to say to thee.

You want to make accusations, make 'em to him.

Well, I hope he pays you well.

Aye, he does.

MOTORBIKE ENGINE

It's Bill. That copper's just been round.

I think he's on his way to you now. Reckons we've got Rawson's dog.

HARDING: 'Calm down. I'll deal with it.'

I'm not about to be outmanoeuvred by the local plod.

Make sure you're here by :. I don't want to be late.

♪ He's King Midas with a curse

♪ He's King Midas in reverse

♪ He's King Midas with a curse

♪ He's King Midas in reverse

♪ It's plain to see it's hopeless

♪ Going on the way we are

♪ So even though I'd lose you... ♪

- What are you doing, George? - Isn't it obvious?

If you're squeamish, go inside.

Whose dog is that? It's not one of ours.

I caught it worrying sheep. The police won't do anything.

So I'm within my rights to sh**t it.

- It's Tommy's dog, isn't it? - Go inside, Maureen.

- You really are a complete... - Don't start blaming me for this.

What do you think you're doing?

- Leave that alone! - I won't let you do this.

Stand aside or so help me...

I found the animal this morning in one of my fields.

It was after the sheep.

Dyer was there, too. He'll confirm it.

You managed to catch the animal. Why didn't you call us?

Merton, I'm fed up with waiting for you fellas to take some action.

An alternative version of events

might be that you broke into Mr Rawson's shed,

stole his dog, and brought it back here to k*ll it.

I hope you have some evidence for that monstrous allegation.

As you know, I'm not a man without influence.

I won't be slandered by the police.

We're merely trying to establish the facts, Mr Harding.

HARDING: Good.

Well, I shall be applying for a court order

to have the dog destroyed.

In the meantime, I presume you'll hold it in custody.

I hope I can rely on you, Merton, to keep it securely locked up.

Yes, Mr Harding. You can.

She'll go mad in here.

You can't keep a sheepdog shut up like this.

It's only until we can find some secure kennelling.

At least you stopped him sh**ting her. I'm grateful.

Actually, Mrs Harding stopped him.

Well, if it goes to court, it's his word against mine.

And who's going to be on t'bench, eh?

All his mates.

This isn't going to work, Mr Vernon.

It just keeps sinking in.

Of course it'll work. Just put more layers down!

Lord Ashfordly would like to know

when the toilets will be functioning again.

Soon, Bernard. Soon.

Gah! Tell him we're working at it.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the second and final day

of the County Sheepdog Trials.

Now, there has been developments overnight.

And as a result, the committee have decided

that the overnight leader, Tommy Rawson,

and his dog, Jess, has sadly been disqualified.

CROWD GASP

I know this is unfortunate, but we do have to move on.

So, the first competitor today

is Mrs Alison Salisbury with her dog Brin.

BRADLEY: What beats me

is why Harding would go to such lengths

to get another competitor disqualified.

Come on, Mike.

Harding's a toffee-nosed so-and-so, but it doesn't mean he's lying.

The whole thing stinks.

Look, stop playing detective. We're here to do the car park.

'The sheep are wanting to pull off to the right. Brin's trying hard

'to get them back onto line.'

Here comes trouble.

You couldn't sh**t my dog,

so you're going to court to buy yourself a result, are you?

I'm not arguing with you, Rawson.

No, you haven't got the guts to fight man-to-man.

You plan to destroy me bit by bit.

BRADLEY: Come on, Tommy. This won't get you anywhere.

You know, Bill, you used to have a bit of pride.

Just because you lost the farm,

but it don't mean you have to be a hatchet man for him.

ASHFORDLY: Go home, Rawson.

Or I'm sure Constable Bradley will find a cell to put you in.

This is more fun than watching sheepdogs, eh?

DAVID: Poor Mr Rawson.

It's not fair, is it?

Do you think I should... give Rover back to him?

He's still got the other puppies, David.

Haven't you got a beer tent to run, Gina?

I was only saying.

I think that's a very nice idea.

Come on.

"..loss of one point."

Mr Rawson?

I've been thinking.

You can have Rover back, if you like.

Mr Vernon, he's not that keen on me keeping him anyhow.

On account of Alfred. He gets jealous, you see.

You'll soon train him up to be a champion, like his mam.

You're a good man, David.

Jealousy's a funny thing.

No different in dogs to in people.

On balance, I think I prefer dogs.

Aye.

A pint and a whisky chaser, please, love.

It's a bit early for serious drinking, isn't it?

You planning on getting pie-eyed?

Aye. That's exactly what I'm planning.

What's this about George Harding trying to sh**t someone's dog?

- You don't want to know. - His wife is my patient.

Not a happy lady.

BRADLEY: Who would be, married to him?

JENNY: I wouldn't mind driving round in a car like that.

You won't get that on a policeman's wages.

Not even a Sergeant's. - Don't be so cheeky.

MAUREEN: Get off!

- Shouldn't you do something? - A domestic? I don't think so.

On second thoughts...

♪ I wish someone would find me

♪ And help me gain control

♪ Before I lose my reason

♪ And my soul

♪ He's King Midas with a curse

♪ He's King Midas in reverse ♪

You're very lucky to have got away so lightly.

Most of the damage was to the car.

I'm sorry, George.

It's only money.

Probably time we had a new car, anyway.

- Er, would you like me to leave? - Oh, no.

No, I'd better get back to the ring

or I'll miss the final round.

That is, if everything's all right?

- Yeah, it is. - I'll be fine.

Right.

Pity I didn't crack my skull.

At least then I'd get a few days in hospital.

You can't go on like this, Maureen.

Yeah, I know that.

I suppose you're going to do me for dangerous driving, Constable.

No, there's someone here to see you.

- Tommy. - Don't worry. He didn't see me.

I waited till he'd gone.

I thought we'd agreed not to see each other.

I just had to see you're all right.

This is all my fault, isn't it?

Of course not.

Mrs Harding and Tommy Rawson, eh? Do you think her husband knows?

Certainly explains a lot, if he does.

Where are you going?

Tell Tommy, I'm going to get him back in the competition.

Perfectly safe, ladies.

Let me give you... Ahh!

WOMAN: Ohh!

There we are.

Right.

Same again, please, love.

Why don't you have a sandwich or something?

Soak some of the booze up.

Ey up. Here he comes. Sherlock Ruddy Holmes.

A bit early to be getting drunk, isn't it, Bill?

I went to school with Tommy, you know?

Our farm were just over t'hill from t'Rawsons'.

Did you know something was going on between Tommy and Mrs Harding?

Mm.

Lasses always fancied Tommy.

A lonely life being a hill farmer, though. Me? I couldn't stick it.

Is that why George Harding was so determined to get his own back,

because he knew something was going on

between Rawson and his wife?

Aye. Probably.

Ooh, he likes his own way does Mr Harding.

Bill...

Did you break into Rawson's shed and steal his dog?

SIGHS

She were always a lovely dog, Jess.

Come from a good litter.

Mind you, it were obvious from t'start,

she was t'one who'd be t'champion.

- How are you feeling? - Just a bit shaken up.

You should go home and rest.

- I need to collect the children. - I'll drive.

No, Tommy. I've told you. It's not going to work.

You can't stay with him. Not now.

He treats his dogs better than her.

Well, maybe I deserve it.

Look, you tried to make a go of your marriage.

It just hasn't worked.

You're entitled to be happy, Maureen.

So am I.

Do you think for one moment he'd leave us alone?

Be realistic. I'd lose my children.

I'd lose everything.

- Could you give me a lift? - Well, of course, but...

TRICIA: Look, are you sure you're doing the right thing?

Yes. What am I going to do?

Go and live on some grotty little hill farm?

We'd be at each other's throats within six months.

'Ah, well done, Tsar.

'A good clean pen,

'which Mr George Harding will be pleased with.'

APPLAUSE

An excellent round from Mr George Harding and Tsar,

putting him firmly in the lead with points.

BLAKETON: Well done, George.

I've... I've told 'em everything, Mr Harding.

Have you now?

How we k*lled the sheep ourselves

and took Tommy's dog.

Ourselves? You appear to be drunk, Dyer.

His story does seem to make sense.

I think "story" is probably right.

I hope you're not going to take seriously

any drunken allegations made by this former employee of mine.

Well, you see, the thing is, George,

this business of your wife and Rawson.

- What? - If you carry on with this

and go to court over Rawson's dog, it's bound to come out.

It's a damned lie.

The fact your wife and Rawson were having an affair

does seem to be common knowledge, old chap, doesn't it?

And if you persist with this vendetta,

you're going to look the most complete fool.

I'm sure you'd rather avoid that, if possible.

I've missed you, lass.

Dyer is prepared to make a full statement, once sober.

We can charge them with theft.

I won't bother with that. There's been wrong on both sides.

A chance to meet him fair and square in the ring.

That's all I ask.

Well, now's your chance.

Come on, lass. Come on.

BLAKETON: Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention, please.

I do have a special announcement from the committee.

"We, the committee, after a full investigation,

have reviewed our decision on Tommy Rawson and Jess

and have decided to let them continue

in this year's competition."

Now, that's really good news.

So, let's welcome them back into the ring

for their final run.

Tommy and Jess!

APPLAUSE

Carry on, lads.

COMMENTATOR 'And a nice out run.'

LORD ASHFORDLY: Scripps!

What on earth's going on out here?

I pay you to do a job and you put your feet up!

I've temporarily delegated operational control

to my assistant, your lordship.

Well, you can jolly well come and undelegate it.

What was it you were saying, Scripps,

about the public getting beastly?

Ladies! Ladies, please.

Let us not forget that we are ladies...

BLAKETON: Well, the judges are scoring that as a perfect run.

So, it's the full points

to Tommy Rawson and Jess.

CHEERING Well done.

APPLAUSE

BLAKETON: Well done, Tommy.

Is she going to leave him?

I doubt it. It turns out they're better suited than you think.

you've all been waiting for,

the results of this year's County Sheepdog Trials.

In third place, Alan French with points.

In second place,

George Harding with points.

APPLAUSE

But the winner,

and this year's County Champion, scoring points,

Tommy Rawson and Jess!

CHEERING

Come on.

Well done, Tommy.

You see, the thing is, Alfred...

I don't want you to take this personal.

I know you're never going to be a champion sheepdog

or owt like that.

ALFRED WHIMPERS

It's like Mr Vernon said.

It's terrible hard work, running up and down a field all day

and going round collecting cups.

I don't think I'm cut out for that.

ALFRED WHIMPERS

Any road...

I've got summat for you.

Sort of a peace offering.

Good boy.

Are we all right, then, eh? Yeah? Yeah.

ALFRED BARKS