14x16 - Golf Papa One Zero

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss Stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'Packabeat' by The Packabeats

You might light to think,

what's a city sergeant like me doing out here in the sticks?

Well, I'll tell you why I'm here.

It's to bring you up to scratch.

Understood?

ROB AND PHIL MUMBLE Yes, Sergeant!

To modernise you.

But first, I need to know what you all do around here.

Mr Ventress!

Perhaps you would be good enough to bring me the duty sheet.

Bellamy, Walker,

you carry on with your normal duties for the time being.

I will talk to you all in due course.

And Younger. Yes, Sergeant?

Found property.

- Sergeant? - Clear it out.

Anything more than three months old, contact the finder.

And it's tea with TWO sugars

when you bring the duty sheet, Mr Ventress.

But I cleared it out last week.

Tea, two sugars, modernise.

Rubbish!

- Hello. - Oh.

I thought you were the postman.

I've come to take you for your doctor's appointment, like usual.

Oh. There's no rush. Dr Trent will wait.

- Come on, then. - Careful.

Careful, I'm an old woman, you know.

Sorry, Mrs Bakewell.

A hundred today. Did you know that?

A hundred? That IS old.

Not even a birthday card, let alone a telegram from the Queen.

As Queen Victoria said, we are not amused.

Queen Victoria?!

Mind your feet.

I want to see where you work, PC Walker.

So I'd better give you a head start on that.

And I'll see you at the police house, all right?

Sergeant.

ENGINE STARTS

What does he do if he arrests someone?

Stick them on the back and tell them to hang on (?)

Here we are again.

Watch that. - Oh.

Oh. Excuse me, this is Mrs Bakewell's chair.

Buy it, did she (?)

- No, but she always sits... - It's all right, David.

You can't expect a youngster like her to understand...

the pain of old age.

I'll sit somewhere else.

Come over here.

No, not that one. It's too low. I'd never get up again.

There's just that one over...

No, that's too hard.

You have to remember my lumbago.

Ah. There you go.

She's a hundred years old, ya know?

She knew Queen Victoria. Personally.

MRS BAKEWELL: Ah. Thank you.

Ah, Mrs Bakewell. Why don't you come straight through?

- Oh. Thank you, Doctor. - Up you get again.

MRS BAKEWELL GROANS Ooh, up and down, up and down.

So you think Aidensfield needs a full-time policeman, do you?

Definitely. And I cover a lot of the surrounding area as well.

But statistically,

most of the crime occurs in Ashfordly.

Getting to know the people in the rural areas is important.

It helps me anticipate trouble, rather than react to it.

- Crime prevention? - Yeah. That's right.

Providing support for your colleagues is more important

than social work, Walker.

Well, I do that too.

Take these wage snatchers, for instance.

How many have there been so far, seven?

Major crimes.

Stuck out here in the sticks,

how hard you might find it to get there fast enough to help.

Well, I do my best, Sarge.

That's "Sergeant" to you, Walker.

Sergeant.

I'm sure you do your best. But would that be good enough?

A car like this makes villains quake, I can tell you.

They know they'll never get away in a chase.

- It's fantastic. - PC YATES: Boss, innit?

See how it feels.

Go on, Phil. Then let me have a go.

No. You try it out first. I can tell you're dying to.

So what are you doing here, then? It's a trial period.

Sgt Miller thinks the station could use a car like this.

SIREN HONKS

What would WE want with it round here?

SGT MILLER: Rapid-response car!

Policing for the future.

I was just...

They only need a driver and an observer

to cover huge areas of roving duty.

Efficiency on wheels, Bellamy, that's what it is.

And we get to try it first?

SGT MILLER: Along with PC Yates, as he's a trained driver.

Of course, he'll need an observer.

Someone who knows his way round the patch.

Sgt Miller?

And if Division decide that we can keep the car,

he'd have to be trained up as a driver as well.

I don't suppose you'd be interested in doing that,

would you, PC Bellamy?

It could be interesting.

Did you want something, PC Younger?

No, Sergeant.

MUSIC: 'Come On Let's Go' by Tommy Steele

♪ Well come on Let's go, let's go

♪ Let's go little darlin'

♪ And tell me That you'll never leave me

♪ Come on, come on, let's go

♪ Again, again, Again, again, again

♪ Well now swing me, swing me

♪ All the way down there

♪ Come on, let's go little darlin'

♪ Let's go, let's go again... SIREN WAILS

♪ Well I love you so, yeah

♪ And I'll never let you go... ♪

CALMING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC ON RADIO

HORN BEEPS OUTSIDE

Wow! Six-cylinder, single-carb, bigger horsepower than the four.

Yeah. Yeah, right.

But look at this, Rosie.

The radio goes straight through to Division.

That's where we get called out from.

Oh. And what are those switches for, then?

Hey, Rob, have you seen what I've got?

She's all right, for a mechanic (!)

Hey!

No.

What is it?

It's the future of policing, mate. That's what it is.

You don't say.

Here's me thinking it was a GP car.

You can mock, but one of us is gonna get trained up as the driver.

If we're lucky. - That'll be very nice for you.

What, You don't wanna do it?

If I'd wanted a flash car, I'd have stayed in the city.

It's really fast. ROB CHUCKLES

I like the slower pace,

the fresh air of being a village bobby.

Yeah, right, but, right... have you heard this?

SIREN HONKS Turn it off!

RADIO: 'Divisional Control to Golf Papa One Zero.'

Golf Papa One Zero to Control.

Receiving. Go ahead.

'Steadcombe warehouse, West Street, Ashfordly, robbery in progress.'

Received. Wilco.

Right. Let's do it.

MUSIC: 'Hurricane' by The Honeycombs

SECURITY GUARD CRIES OUT

SIREN HONKING

TYRES SCREECH

Call an ambulance. I'll be back.

SIREN HONKING

Golf Papa One Zero to Control.

In pursuit of a Mini Cooper,

number Tango, Tango, Delta, two, eight, one, Delta.

Used in the wages snatch at Steadcombe warehouse.

Currently travelling west along Hartley Road. Over.

RADIO: 'Received, Golf Papa One Zero.

'Do you require backup?'

Negative, Control.

Delta Alpha Two-Four is right behind us. Over.

They're in pursuit of the getaway vehicle.

I knew that car would be...

Yes, well, carry on, Mr Ventress.

SIREN HONKING

TYRES SCREECH

We're not going up there.

Right. We'll go round by High Oaks. See if we can cut them off.

PHIL: There! That's where the track comes out.

We could get through there, couldn't we?

PC YATES: Not worth the risk.

Not when we can just wait for them to come out.

This car's a valuable commodity.

There you go, Mrs Bakewell.

Oh, ta.

Dr Trent's nice, in't she?

Well, she's all right.

I've seen a few of them come and go in my time, mind.

I bet you've seen a lot of changes in a hundred years.

Yeah, and none of them for the better.

This country's gone to the dogs.

Not even a telegram from the Queen.

Well, er...

happen it'll come in the second post, eh?

That will be my moment of glory.

What I've been waiting for, for the past five years.

I've been determined not to die until I've got it.

Go on. you'll be going on for years yet, Mrs Bakewell.

Oh, why would I want to?

No, as far as I'm concerned,

God can happily take me once I've got my telegram.

Oh... will you excuse me a moment? I...

Golf Papa One Zero to Division.

Request tow through with Ashfordly. Over.

ALF ON RADIO: 'Ashfordly receiving. Go ahead.'

Alf, can you raise Delta Alpha Two-Four?

We seem to have lost him. Over.

Will do. Out.

'What about the getaway car? Are you still in pursuit?'

Erm... no.

'We seem to have lost them too.

'Over.'

- Excuse me! - What's the problem?

I just thought I'd save you a bit of time,

I'll take Mrs Bakewell's mail.

- Can't do that. - You can't?

Dear me, no. It's against the regulations.

- Oh? - It's my responsibility

to make sure that every letter is delivered to the right person.

And if I don't personally deliver it,

I can't know that, can I?

- Could you just wait a minute? - Get off!

Interfering with the mail is a criminal offence!

Look, I have to have that telegram,

because if she gets it, she's gonna die!

What?! I don't deliver telegrams.

You need a telegram boy.

All I've got is a bill. All right?

Oh! Oh...

Oh... Oh.

- They'll be here in a minute. - They should be here by now.

We can't leave the car. What if they come?

Or if the station manage to get into contact with Walker.

Right. Well, you stay here, see what happened.

I've gotta go and check!

Control to Delta Alpha Two-Four.

Are you receiving? Over.

What does he think he's playing at?

I'd better get over there.

Are you receiving, Rob?

Say something. Over.

You feel a bit better now, Mrs Bakewell?

Yes, thank you, David, dear.

Nice to know that someone cares.

Oh, I'm sure that telegram man will be here any moment.

No, no. They always come earlier than this.

Even the Queen's forgotten me.

Oh, but... Oh, she's a very busy woman.

Well, so I've heard.

I used to make a difference, you know?

Make lives better for people in this village.

Now I'm... I'm just a nuisance.

No! I mean...

Who would I take to lunch club every Tuesday if it wasn't for you?

Oh, there'd be someone else, David.

No, I have to face it.

There's nothing left for me.

I may as well die now.

Well, you can't die yet!

Why not?

Well, be... Well, because you'd...

you'd miss your party.

What party?

Your hundredth-birthday party.

What, a proper party?

With cakes and dancing and balloons?

It's gonna have everything, even have those little sausages.

This afternoon?

Er... No, I was thinking maybe more tomorrow.

I thought you'd be too busy today.

Well, I suppose a proper party is worth staying alive for.

Right.

Better be going, then.

Phil! They radioed back. He's not responding.

The track was too narrow.

- They got up there, didn't they? - Yeah, in a Mini, but...

Because of your reluctance, PC Walker was seriously hurt.

Dismissed.

Sergeant? How serious is it?

PC Walker.

He'll be fine.

And maybe this will teach him a bit about his limitations.

PHONE RINGING How do you mean?

You and Yates may not have excelled yourselves in this incident,

but PC Walker showed just how exposed a man on his own can be.

He did the best that he could, Sergeant.

Two men in a car are not just cheaper.

They are safer and more effective.

Are you thinking of basing two men in Aidensfield?

You're gonna close the police house?

I am compiling a report to support my recommendations,

and nowt that I have heard today has made me change my mind.

Yes, Mr Ventress?

Er, there's a report just in, Sarge.

A car's blocking a farm track off the Egleton Road.

A farm tractor can't get by.

And since when has that been a police matter?

Well, the vehicle fits the description of the getaway car.

Could've been dumped.

What are you waiting for, Bellamy? Get out there, pronto.

Right, Sarge.

Am I still alive, Staff Nurse Owen?

Shh. I'm trying to count.

I'll have to start again now.

Have you worked here long?

... ... .

. That's a bit slow, isn't it?

In seconds, that makes your pulse .

And THAT won't register if you keep talking with it in.

I've got a few cuts and bruises. My temperature isn't gonna be up.

You've concussion as well.

Hiya. You all right?

No, he isn't.

But I suspect that's got nothing to do with being hit on the head.

Upsetting the nurses.

You must be feeling better. ROB CHUCKLES

I'm fine. How's the investigation? Do we know who they are yet?

Er... no.

But the getaway car's turned up. We're on our way to check it out.

- Yeah, well. that's good news. - Look, Rob...

It doesn't matter. - What?

Well, Sgt Miller wants to close Aidensfield police house.

What?!

Yeah. He has plans for you to move to Ashfordly.

Fewer coppers, in cars, that sort of thing.

- Well, it's not up to him, though. - Well, that's the point.

This GP car trial is all part of a report

he's doing for the Chief Constable.

I think after today, he's recommending

that he makes it permanent.

But I was the one that went up the track.

The GP car was too big.

but that's not the way Sgt Miller's gonna put it in his report, is it?

Unless we can convince him otherwise, that is.

Anyway, I've gotta go.

If you think of anything, let me know, yeah?

See ya.

Take it easy!

Just had a dizzy spell, that's all.

What on earth are you doing out of bed?

- There's something I need to do. - Not right now, you don't.

Yes, I do. I felt OK till I bent down.

You need to get your strength back before going back to work.

If I don't speak to my sergeant,

there might not be a job to go back to.

PHIL: Mr Shaw! - Aye.

Well, it's the one, all right.

Nice quiet spot. Can't be seen from the road.

Wait a minute.

Oh, yes.

Must have been in a hurry.

I'll chase up Forensics.

Hey, hold on a minute.

Look.

There must have been a second car.

About time.

I didn't wanna shift it till you'd been.

You gonna take it away now?

Er, afraid not, Mr Shaw.

We have to wait while Scenes of Crime have been.

- The car is evidence. - Oh, right.

There you go, Peter.

Hey, I saw the new sergeant this morning, talking to Rob.

- Rob didn't look too happy. - Yeah, it doesn't surprise me.

- How d'you mean? - George Miller's the type of copper

who believes the job is all about nicking villains.

- Well, isn't it? - Not in a village like this, Gina.

A village copper does much more than that.

- Like what? - Well, he's part of the community,

he's somebody people can turn to for help and advice.

Nicking villains is only part of the job.

Oh, there you are.

We're gonna have to organise a party.

It's for Mrs Bakewell, she's a hundred,

and she wants to have music and dancing and those little sausages.

- I've promised! - David, relax.

The problem is, if she's got nothing to look forward to,

she's gonna die.

There's so much to do and I don't know where to start.

Well, we'll help you, won't we?

- I suppose so. - When's it gonna happen?

Oh. Er, tomorrow.

Tomorrow?!

David, don't panic. You can have it here.

- But then what? - What do you mean?

After the party,

what's Enid Bakewell gonna have to look forward to then?

Perhaps a nice trip to the seaside.

And the next day? - The circus?

Honestly, David. You've gotta stop spending your time

thinking about special treats for Enid Bakewell.

- Special treats? Enid Bakewell? - She's a hundred, Oscar.

Yeah, hundred years of being a pain in the neck.

Oh, er, she's gonna have a party tomorrow. Here.

Over my dead body.

Why? What have you got against her?

She tried to get me removed from the parish council, remember?

She said I was obstructive.

Just because I didn't agree with everything she said.

The village hall renaming.

GINA: What?

Enid and Ernie Bakewell were the people

who got the money together to build the hall.

She wanted the name changed when Ernie died.

Yeah, "The Bakewell Memorial Hall," I ask you!

Well, she's not having a party in here.

I tell you that!

Perhaps have it at the village hall, seeing she helped get it built.

Oh, yes, she'd like that.

Right. That's settled, then. Let's get over to the village hall.

David and Bernie, you're in charge of inviting everyone.

Me and Rosie will do the food, yeah?

Oh, balloons. She said she wanted some balloons.

GINA: She can have balloons, David. Come on...

MUSIC: 'Cantaloupe Island' by Herbie Hancock

GINA GIGGLES

POP

Well done, David.

DAVID: Do you like it?

GINA: It's fantastic. You've even spelt her name right.

LAUGHTER

Can I move the car now?

Just a minute, sir. We're busy.

Find out if anyone saw a car parked here earlier.

Look, I've been very patient, but I need to get into the field.

We will move the car when we're good and ready,

and the more you interrupt, the longer it'll take!

So, as I was saying, I want a house-to-house...

Well, er, farm-to-farm maybe.

ENGINE STARTS

What do you think you're doing?!

What I should have done in the first place!

And I'll see him down the station.

- I really appreciate this, Nurse. - "Claire".

Come on.

Are you sure this is allowed?

This is a patient transport vehicle.

And YOU are a patient needing transport.

All right, the village hall, I give you that.

But what else has she done for this village?

- Loads of things. - Like what?

Her greatest achievement is getting to a hundred not out.

Well, that's not something to be sneezed at.

- Alf. What can I get you? - I'll have a half.

Actually, I wanted a word, Oscar.

Oh, aye?

Well, it seems our new sergeant has plans to close the police house.

He's what?

Well, he can't do that. He hasn't got the authority.

No, but he's making a recommendation to Division.

Oh, they'll love that.

Anything to save themselves some money.

Well, we can't just sit back and let him do this, can we?

Well, what can we do? Get a petition or something?

Aye, petitions, sit-ins, protests.

We'll have to mobilise the village.

ROB: You don't need to stay. I might be a while.

You mean I went to all this trouble

and I don't even get taken for a thank-you drink?

Well, I would, but my personal nurse tells me

I need to rest and avoid alcohol.

And I never disobey her.

Really?

What if she said you absolutely had to stay at home tomorrow afternoon?

How would she know if I obeyed her?

She might come and check up on you.

And if you're good,

let you take her out for the evening.

- Rob, lad. You been in the wars? - Yeah, something like that.

What you doing here? Nothing wrong, I hope.

Nothing that new police sergeant would put right.

That so-and-so just cautioned me

for interfering with evidence on my own land!

The getaway car? Mini Cooper?

Yeah, I suppose it were a bit over the top using a tractor,

but... I were riled by that time and I were making a point.

He didn't need to lock me up, though, did he?

I don't suppose he asked you about another car parked on the track?

No, just booked me and threw me out.

Did you see another car?

The car they used when they dumped the Mini.

What if I did?

Well, I suppose I was hoping that if you did,

you'd remember that I've always been straight with you,

and helped you out where I could,

and you'd be willing to help me in return.

Hmm...

'Ere, I thought you weren't supposed to leave hospital till tomorrow.

I had some things to discuss with Sgt Miller.

I've just been talking to Mr Shaw.

He has to learn that the police have their own way of doing things.

And does that way include closing down the police house?

Only I heard a rumour,

and I don't think the villagers will be very happy.

In my office. Now.

How I organise my men for maximum efficiency

is MY choice, Walker, not theirs.

Efficiency isn't our only concern we should have.

Keeping the public on our side is important too.

We are on the side of law and order. That should be enough.

But it doesn't make the rural community want to help us,

or trust us.

We are a professional police force. We don't need their help.

It's the difference between getting nowhere and getting convictions.

Of course, we need their help!

I shall put this conversation down to the fact

that you've had a bump on the head.

Just this once.

Now, you go home, and don't come back

until you've remembered who's in charge.

I mean...

Wouldn't it be easier to trace the two robbers from this morning

if we knew they drove a brand-new, blue, metallic,

flashy, foreign sports car?

I could do that farmer for withholding evidence.

Sgt Miller...

I'm afraid he doesn't know whether to trust yet.

Whereas he knows me. I'm his local village bobby.

Ta.

Leave all this here, Gina.

We'll get people to sign it when they stop for petrol.

Thanks, Bernie. That's a good idea.

I can't believe he wants to take Rob away.

He's part of the village.

Hey, Andy! Do you want to sign our petition?

The new sarge wants to close the police house down.

I don't mind if I do.

I'll, erm, take one on my rounds if you've got a spare one.

Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

- No telegram today, either. - I checked.

Oh, poor lady. Fancy being forgotten by the Queen.

And here I was, thinking she was a reliable sort of monarch.

You never can tell.

Bye. Ta-ra.

D'you know...

he can't be the brightest, buying a distinctive car with the money.

My thoughts exactly, Bellamy.

Er... we were just making a list of all the dealers to visit, Sergeant.

You'd better get a move on.

I want you back here by pm, sharp.

And you've got the car to clean and spruce up as well.

Right, Sergeant.

Oh, and Bellamy, you could ask at the local garages,

see if they've seen the car,

filling up with petrol, that sort of thing.

Use locals to help us, Sergeant?

Are we expecting a visitor, Sarge?

The Chief Constable. Wants a preliminary report.

See the car in action, that sort of thing.

Is that your best jacket, Mr Ventress?

Perhaps you could nip home at lunchtime

and give it a bit of a sponge-down.

Believe me, I'd remember if I'd seen

a blue, metallic, foreign sports car.

Be quite an event round here. PHIL CHUCKLES

Have you any idea who might sell that sort of a car, though?

- Personally, I'd try Hibbert's. - Hibbert's?

Yeah. Out in Blackwaterdale.

Then maybe Bagley's out on the Arkley Road.

Do you know it? - Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks, Rosie. You've been great. I owe you one.

I'll hold you to that.

DOOR OPENS

Where is everyone?

Ah, it's a long story. Do you want a drink?

No. I haven't got time. I had to go home and get my jacket sponged down.

Why, do you spill your tea down it, did ya?

No. Our new sergeant wants to impress the Chief Constable

who's coming to visit us this afternoon.

Chief Constable?

Yes, he's come to see the GP car in action

and discuss Sgt Miller's new plans.

Oh, that's interesting.

So I thought a little impromptu demonstration wouldn't go amiss.

Yeah. Thanks, Alf. Don't you worry.

There'll be a demonstration, but it won't be little.

I can assure you of that.

KNOCK AT DOOR

So how's the wounded soldier?

Yeah. Feeling a bit battered this morning.

Thought your dressing might need changing

before you buy me that drink.

RADIO: ♪ It happens to be true... ♪ - Let's have a look.

ROB CHUCKLES ♪ I only wanna be with you

♪ It doesn't matter where you go Or what you do

♪ I wanna spend each moment Of the day with you... ♪

ROB INHALES SHARPLY

♪ ..with just one kiss I never knew that... ♪

Ooh. Looks painful.

Is that a professional opinion?

Depends on whether or not you want a professional opinion, PC Walker.

KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS

I thought you might need a check-up, Rob.

Hadn't realised you'd already got that covered.

Sorry.

I think that's the last of it.

We've forgotten something. I just... I know we've forgotten something.

Guests! What happens if nobody comes?

You and Bernie did the inviting, and a good turn-out, Bernie reckons.

Right. We're gonna need some music.

Gina's sorted the music.

Though I can't see Enid doing much dancing.

Oh, cake. Birthday cake! We'll need a birthday cake.

And candles. It's all ready, David. Stop fretting.

You've done Enid proud.

I just want this to all go right, Rosie.

You should see her. She's about given up already.

This could be my last chance to show her that somebody cares.

Oh, Enid knows you care.

Who takes her shopping every week, eh?

Who pops in just to say hello?

Who's her one true friend?

- You, David. It's you. - Ah, well...

Enid would have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for you.

Never mind the Queen and her telegram.

When she sees the trouble you've gone to today, well...

I'm sure she'll do her best to live for another hundred years.

You reckon?

So what are we waiting for?

Let's give Enid the party of her life. Come on.

Got him.

Golf Papa One Zero to Control.

A blue, metallic Alpha Romeo sports car,

car registration

eight, nine, nine, Oscar, Bravo, Papa,

was sold at Bagley's Cars

for cash last week to a William Lambert

of Oster Street, Arkley. Over.

Oh, Sarge, I've run a check on our man,

and there's no record of anyone by that name living in Arkley.

And Oster Street doesn't even exist.

Well, at least we've got a car reg and a detailed description to go by.

Radio headquarters. I want all forces on full alert.

There can't be that many Alpha Romeos roaming the moors.

That's funny. I've just seen one turning down towards Shaw's Farm.

You idiot!

That's where they've dumped the cash.

Get Yates and Bellamy down there, pronto.

Our men just got greedy.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh. Sorry, Rob. I didn't realise you had company.

Nearly finished.

I was wondering if you knew

that the Chief Constable was paying a visit

to Ashfordly police station this afternoon.

No. What's he doing?

Well, according to my information, he's coming here to discuss

Sgt Miller's plans for closing down this police house.

Closing it down? He can't do that, can he?

He's moving fast. CLAIRE: You can't let it happen.

- You've gotta do something. - Like what?

OSCAR: A protest.

To the Chief Constable, this afternoon.

No, I can't be involved.

No, but I can. Representing the parish council.

You need more than one person.

You need a group, to show how we feel.

A crowd.

Well, there'll be a few people

at Enid Bakewell's birthday party in the village hall.

All we've gotta do is get them over to Ashfordly.

But I've no idea how.

Oh. I think I know how we can.

MUSIC: 'Gimme Some Lovin' by The Spencer Davis Group

It's them.

TYRES SCREECH

SIREN HONKING

GRAMOPHONE PLAYING "MOON RIVER"

Her hundredth, eh? Doesn't get more special than that.

Mind you, she didn't even get a telegram.

David, turn that off.

Right, if I can have your attention! Thank you very much.

I'm sorry to interrupt your celebrations, Enid,

but there's something that I have to say.

The Chief Constable is visiting Ashfordly this afternoon

and he's coming to decide the fate of our village copper.

So, I suggest we all get over there and tell him exactly how we feel.

MURMURING

SIREN HONKING

Well, go on! Go for it!

I'm not gonna let them lose us again.

ENGINE REVS

Have you made this up to spoil my party, Oscar Blaketon?

Oh, we've had our differences in the past, Enid,

I'll give you that, and I promise I did some soul-searching

when I realised that our best opportunity

would be ruining your big day.

I'm sorry. But it has to be now.

You see, this new sergeant of ours is trying to change our way of life.

Are we just gonna sit back and let it happen?

It's Mrs Bakewell's hundredth birthday.

- Actually, it isn't. - Eh?

You're not a hundred till next year, Enid.

The Queen didn't forget. It was you.

ENID LAUGHING

Well, I never! OSCAR CHUCKLES

Well, what are we all waiting for?

I'm still a young -year-old!

And if there's going to be a protest march,

I want to be on it.

Hope we've got a banner.

You can't have a protest march without a banner.

David, get a banner.

Any news?

Well, they've tracked the vehicle, Sarge.

But they seem to be experiencing a little difficulty.

MUSIC: 'Money (That's What I Want)' By Freddie And The Dreamers

SIREN HONKING

♪ The best things in life are free

♪ But you can give it To the birds and bees

♪ I need money That's what I want

♪ Give me money That's what I want

♪ I want mo-oh-oh-oh-oh More money

♪ That's what I want

♪ Your love It gives me such a thrill

♪ But your love It don't pay my bills

♪ I need money... ♪

Come here!

♪ That's what I want

♪ I want mo-oh-oh-oh-oh More money

♪ That's what I want

♪ Whoo... ♪

Bellamy and Yates are on their way back with the prisoners now, Sarge.

This could be a real feather in our caps.

I just hope the Chief Constable isn't too early.

VOICES CHANTING OUTSIDE

What on earth...?!

ALL: Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

- Save our... - Sgt Miller.

Oscar Blaketon.

We're not gonna let you get away with this.

You can't stand in the way of progress.

Progress! When I was the sergeant round here,

I made a point of getting to know the public,

listening to them, talking to them.

And encouraging my officers to do the same.

They'll still be able to talk to us.

A voice at the end of the telephone is not the same thing.

These are farmers, rural folk. They don't like strangers.

Talking to a village copper is like talking to a friend.

And if you close down the police house,

it'll be the worst day's work you've ever done.

-Right? ALL: Yeah!

Here. Do you think I'll sleep easy in my bed at night,

with the nearest policeman, some...

some stranger, miles away?

No.

Save our village bobby! - Right.

ALL: Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby!

Save our village bobby... - Good of you to come, sir.

I'm afraid the car's still out.

It's bringing in the culprits from the wage snatches.

Just a little local difficulty, sir. Good afternoon, sir.

Oh, good afternoon, sir. On behalf of Aidensfield village,

I'd just like to say how strongly we all feel

about the possibility of losing our village policeman.

I think that's the car coming now, sir.

I have to say, we've found it invaluable.

Oh, aye? People like you believe that one car is worth ten officers.

Well, you're wrong.

In the country, one officer is worth ten of your shiny new cars.

MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

Did he say a shiny car?

It was a wreck! You should've seen his face.

Good old Phil.

Thank you all for your support today.

A most impressive turnout.

So you'll all be pleased to hear that the police house is safe.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Constable Walker is going nowhere.

Sergeant.

Ah. Just the man I was looking for.

Don't think I don't know that you were behind that little stunt today.

- Stunt? - The protest.

And for the record, it didn't influence the decision for a moment.

Yes, Sergeant, and thank you, er...

And what you also need to know

is that if you pull anything like that again,

you'll be off the beat and behind a desk so fast

your feet won't touch the ground. Got it?

Yeah.

Sergeant? On the house.

I wouldn't say no.

LAUGHTER

Right, to... to PC Walker.

ALL: PC Walker!

Where is he, anyway?