02X09 - Tori Tortures Teacher

[bunniefuu]

What?

Really?!

What's up?!

All right. Okay...

What?!

What?! What?! Okay. You wanna go there?!

I wonder what they're text fighting about.

Let's ask 'em. Hey you guys...

Stay outta this!

Back off!

I'd rather not get involved.

I think that's best.

Okay.

Hey, Cat.

Hi, everyone!

Knock knock!

Uh, who's there?

Isn't.

"Isn't" who?

Isn't life amazing?

I know!

Good morning people or as they say in Guatemala, "Una tortuga se comió a mi mujer."

That means: "A turtle ate my wife."

Oh. That's sad.

But hilarious!

Hey, whatcha got there?

Yeah, whatcha got there?

Whatcha got there?

This is a one-cup coffee maker.

A gift to me from our esteemed principal.

What, is it your birthday or somethin'?

My anniversary...

Ten years teaching here at Hollywood arts.

Whoa!

Wait.

It's your ten-year anniversary teaching here, and they gave you a one-cup coffee maker?

Well, it may not be much, but as they say in Guatemala, "Me olvidé de ponerme calzoncillos."

That means "I forgot to wear underwear."

Are you sure?
'Cuz I thought...

Ah, it does.

♪ Here I am once again ♪
♪ feeling lost but now and then ♪
♪ I breathe it in to let it go ♪
♪ if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how ♪
♪ you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ to put your dreams in action ♪
♪ you're never gonna fade ♪
♪ you'll be the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when it turns out right ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me when I make it shine ♪

Oh, come on.

For his ten-year teaching anniversary, you guys don't think Sikowitz deserves a better present than a one-cup coffee maker?

They shoulda got him a pair a'shoes.

I'm tired a'lookin'
at that hippy's hairy feet.

I think Sikowitz has cute feet.

Right?

How come none of us ever sit on that side of the table?

You guys, Sikowitz is an acting teacher.

If you wanna do something nice for him, why don't you take him out to see a really good play?

That's really good idea.

Yeah.

That is good.

Fine idea.

See? I'm not just gorgeous.

You're a grunch.

Oh hey, my mom and dad saw a play at the melrose playhouse.

They said it was amazing.

Ahhhh!!!

And then trina reamed.

There's Shawn.

Who's Shawn?

He's a hundred and sixty pounds of senior hotness, and I am gonna make him love me.

I know, right? Yeah. Okay.

See ya there!

Oh, hi. Shawn, right?

Yeah. Uh, Tarnie?

Trina. Or Tarnie. Trina, Tarnie. I answer to both.

So people do call you Tarnie?

No. No one calls me Tarnie.

Uh, you like pizza?

Sure.

Great!

'Cuz there's this new Italian restaurant that just opened, and uh, starting Friday night, they're delivering free pizzas for a whole week.

Oh.

So here, take their number.

And... here we go. Just, uh. Uh huh.

And give 'em a call this Friday and order yourself a free pizza!

Do they have sweet tea?

Yeah. They do.

How do you know?

Well, I just figured if... were you just guessing?

Yeah.

Taking Sikowitz out to cool play.

P.S. I wish Beck & Jade would quit text-fighting! Grrrr.

Feeling: Playful.

What?

Uh... choice what?

You read me.

Well, I must say, it's extremely kind of you teenagers to take me to the theater like this.

Ah, you deserve it after ten years of bein' a teacher.

Thank you, sir.

So what's this play about?

Uh, I'm not even sure.

It's about an artist who faces a major life crisis.

Ah.

Well, all the plays here are top nooch.

Uh, notch.

I say nooch.

Try it.

What. Me?

C'mon. Noooo-

Nooch.

Noooch. Heh? See?

Yeah.

Feels good, right?

All of my students try it!

Nooch.

Uh huh. Nooch.

And now everybody!

Nooch.

Uh huh!

So do I look like a real pizza delivery girl?

I dunno.

They won't deliver pizza to my house anymore 'cuz of my brother.

Why, what did he do?

Well, one time, he had a Bucket full of raw chicken parts, and when the pizza guy came to the door...

It's Shawn shut up!

Italiones.

Can I help you?

Oh, yes. We are still delivering free pizzas.

Uh huh. Oh, what's your address?

Your accent is so vague.

Shhhh!

Oh, that's a gorgeous address.

Pizza's on the way. Areeva-doochie.

You gotta help me make pizzas!

Why?

Okay.

You know the super-hot senior Shawn becker?

I know of him.

Well, I want that boy.

So I gotta take him a free pizza.

Right.

Cheese, cheese, pepperoni, cheese, meat lover's trio.

Sausage! Open the oven!

Kay kay!

You give me anxiety.

Good.

I had dreams of doing something special with my life.

But now I'm just a High School teacher.

A worthless loser.

Frittering my days away in a stupid classroom with a buncha snot-nosed teenagers?

That's no life for a man.

Okay. So look at teaching as a... a temporary thing.

It's been ten years, Randy!

Ten years... watching my friends have rewarding lives...

While I'm nothin' but a stinkin' High School teacher.

Great play, Tori. Good call.

I didn't know!

At least you're not bald.

Mike... dude... come on buddy.

Oh my God, Shawn?

Tarnie?

Trina.

What are you doing here?

Bringing a special boy a special pizza from Italiones.

You didn't tell me you worked there.

Well, you didn't tell me you look so hot in a blue tee-shirt.

Soooo... I bet this makes ya hungry, huh?

Hmm? Hmm!??

I can't eat that.

Why not?

It's got green peppers on it.

Whaaaat?

They're just green peppers.

Now you made me feel bad.

No no no no no no, baby, baby I'm sorry, I'm sorry, shhhh.

I will go get you a new pizza...

'kay I love you.

What?

Nothing.

Freaky, green peppers!

Sikowitz is late for class. That dumb play really upset him.

P.S. Jade said my shirt is ugly.

Feeling: Guilty.

Man... Sikowitz is ten minutes late.

Where is he?

Maybe he locked himself in a dark closet

'cuz you forced him to go see a play that made his whole life seem like a big fat pile of garbage.

I'm gonna have a banana.

You know, why don't I just lie on the floor so you can start kicking me?

You have that dream too?

Y'know, uh, monkeys peel their bananas from the bottom.

Man, do you just sit there and think to yourself, "hey... what would an idiot say right now?"...

And then that's what you say?

Hi.

Oh.

Heyyyyyy.

Hi.

So Sikowitz... Whatcha gonna teach us today. Hmmm?

I mean, I don't know what to expect, but I bet it's gonna be fantastic.

Whoa.

Sikowitz.

Come on, Sikowitz.

Huh?

We're ready to learn.

Yeah. Okay.

Um, Tori and um... Elvis.

Get up on the, uh...

Stage thing.

'Kay.

Sure.

Alright.

Whatcha, uh, want us to do?

Um, a scene.

You both have the same line:

"Life is pain."

So you just keep saying that to each other, over and over.

Do it, action.

Life is... pain.

Life is pain.

It certainly is, ding, there's the bell, class dismissed.

Ah!

Way to go Tori... you broke Sikowitz.

I did not break sikow...

I did not break Sikowitz...

I broke Sikowitz.

I broke Sikowitz!

Feeling: Guilty.

What did you do to him?

Ohhh.

I took him to see a play.

But the play was about a man who hates his life 'cuz he's a High School teacher.

Well, that was cruel.

Well, I didn't mean it to be!

I didn't know what the play was about!

It was still cruel.

Okay, how 'bout a little guidance? Counselor.

Talk to him.

How's that coconut?

Round.

Hairy.

I'm sorry we took you to that play.

Why sorry? I loved it.

Well just 'cuz it was about... you loved it?

Mmm-hmm.

But you're all depressed.

Does it show?

Kinda. What's wrong?

Well... See, I was dating this woman...

And during the play, she sent me a text message.

She dumped me, and she's moving to Fresno.

Ohhhhh. That's awesome!

No! No, no, ... I meant...

That we thought you were depressed

'cuz the play was about a High School teacher who's a sad, pathetic loser and... nothing.

It's all right.

I love being a teacher.

Good. Well, I'm sorry your lady bailed on you.

It is what it is...

What it is.

Hey Tori...

Have you seen Rex? We're playing hide and seek.

Nope... haven't seen him.

Aw, man...

I told you to stay outta Tori's backpack!

But it smells good in there.

Well well. Would a cute boy like another free sausage pizza with no green peppers whatsoever?

You're weird.

Yeah, good weird.

So I don't suppose you wanna eat this pizza all by yourself, do ya?

No.

Sooo... I was thinkin' maybe I should go inside there with you, and the two of us could share th...

What's goin' on?

Whoa whoa, who's she?

It's my girlfriend.

Oh, so when were you gonna tell me about this?

Can I just have my pizza?

Oh, your pi...

Yeah, you want your pizza?

Okay, sure, lemme just get that for ya, huh?

We're over!

Ulch, un-believable. Okay...

You're still fighting with Beck?

Oh yeah.

There.

What'd you text him?

Excuse me. Will I be auditioning next?

Maybe.

'Cuz... I've been waiting for like forty minutes and I...

Okay take care now.

You're so good with people.

So... Why are we making a student film?

We're not.

So why are we auditioning ladies to play Jessica?

'Cuz, this is Tori's idea, all right?

Oh. But all these ladies think they're auditioning for a role in a...

Here. Open.

Yeah, that's right, Cat likes cereal, right?

Good, good. You want some more? You want some more? Yeah.

Any more questions?

Mbbmbbnnbm.

Yeah I didn't think so.

Hmkkay.

Ready for the next one!

Oh, okay.

Auditioning next is... Larissa Jenson.

Hi. Where do I audition?

Down the hall, take a left, third door on your right.

Thanks. Can I use your restroom first?

No.

One time, my brother tried to fill our pool with garbage...

That's really interesting.

Rolling.

Can I ask? What is this film about?

I asked for that 5 times.

And action.

Jessica I feel so lonely.

Robert, why?

Because... I'm alone.

No man should ever be alone.

You look beautiful in this moonlight.

Her hair.

What?

That's the line where you stroke her hair.

You... you got to stroke it.

Right. Uhh...

You look so beautiful in this moonlight.

Oh Jessica.

You kiss...

Ok! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here!

'Kay. So what do you think of her?

Why do you keep doing this?

What?

During every audition, you stop The Scene, right after the kiss and yank me aside to ask me what I think.

Because I trust your opinon...

Are you trying to find the woman for me to date?

The truth.

Ok... yes.

Good God, why do you think...

Cause the lady you've been dating moved away and you've been so sad and depressed about it.

Tori...

I'm not depressed cause I miss Catherine.

Then...

Why have you been all...

I miss...

Her pet.

Bunny.

Her pet?

Uh-huh.

Cutest little creature you ever saw...

Used to sit on my lap...

Hop around the apartment...

Such a silly...

I'll never see that little furball ever again.

So...

The lady...

You don't miss her at all?

No, she had sores on her neck.

Sometimes I feel dumb.

Feeling: Dumb.

Knock, knock, he's coming.

Okay.

Okay bunny.

Don't move.

Well my goodness.

You scampered far from home, haven't you?

Hey, Sikowitz.

Hi.

Hello. Hello!

So ah...

What you got there?

Well I found this little rabbit.

Just wondering about.

Oh... how cute.

Isn't she?

So... why don't you take her home?

Oh, I'm not into rabbits.

But...

But you've been depressed for days cause you missed you ex-girfriend's bunny.

Well yes, but...

Are you thought bunny was a rabbit?

Well... yeah.

No no no. Bunny is a Cat.

A Cat?

Yes.

The woman that I've been dating named her Cat bunny.

After her aunt bunny.

Who's dead.

Ehhh!

But you told me it hopped all around.

Yes.

It only had three les, poor Kitty.

You loved her Cat?

Very much.

But I'll get over it.

Well...

Back to the wilderness you go.

Okay. So here's the new plan.

No.

Let's go.

I'm gonna catch the bunny.

Bunny.

You wanna watch CSI?

Okay.