01x13 - Simon Strikes Back / The Ickis Box

[bunniefuu]

(bell tolling)

(thunder)

(owl hooting)

(growl,

baby cries)

(growl,

man screams)

I'm outta here!

(thunder)

(screaming)

(evil laughter)

(crowd clapping

in rhythm)

I like rice.

We're back and

we're talking to

scared, whimpering

victims of

monster sightings!

Hey, hey,

do I look scared?

Am I whimpering?

I'm a monster

hunter, okay?

I hang out in sewers and

filth and hunt monsters.

It's a dirty job,

but someone's got to do it.

I like rice.

Yeah.

So, how many

have you caught?

Well, that depends on

how you define caught--

and why do I hunt

monsters?

I'm going to

tell you why.

Because monsters pop out of

toilets, closets

and from under the beds, scaring

the wits out of people.

And turning them into--

I like rice!

Rice-loving lunatics!

So, I understand you

were scared by monsters

who came out

from under the

bed.

I wasn't scared,

and there was only one.

How about you,

Murray?

It's the former

Murray the Monster

from children's television,

ladies and gentlemen.

I saw three.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah, well, I saw four--

the elves brought them.

They think

we're all crazy.

Go ahead and laugh.

(laughs sarcastically)

Very funny.

A bunch of clowns

we have here.

I'm laughing

with ya!

But you won't be

laughing for long.

Not when I come in here

with a real monster.

Oh! Color me crazy.

Sounds like

a challenge!

Anyone willing

to take it on?

No? Well, how about

if I throw in a new car?

What are

you doing?

Yes, it's a

beautiful Venturi.

That's my car.

It's got all the

features you'd ever want

and it's already

broken in.

You can't give them

my car.

And to make sure

you always have gas money,

a check for $1 million!

That's right, folks.

You have one week

to make a cool million

just by nabbing

a real, live monster!

Uh-oh, look at

the time.

Now remember,

you have a great day

because you've

suffered enough.

(cheering and applause)

A million dollars

and my car?

Monsters, schmonsters.

Come on, these people

are lunatics.

Don't let it

get to you, kid.

They think I'm crazy, that I'm

imagining the whole thing.

They've been saying that

to me my whole life.

What do you do?

Me? I just cover

my ears.

I wasn't scared.

Of course you weren't.

I'm never scared.

I know that.

Of course, if you ever were,

it'd be okay, you know that.

I mean, we all get scared

sometimes, I mean,

especially after

seeing a monster.

Even you?

Me? No.

But then, I'm a

professional.

Not some amateur

risking his neck

for a used car

and a lousy million.

Hi-ya!

(growls,

man screams)

(growls,

monster screams)

(The Gromble)

I have just one teensy tiny

question for you,

Master Ickis.

Yes, your Gromble-ford?

How can this

possibly cause this?

Well, it's quite

simple, sir, you see--

Silence!

All right,

one more time.

But listen very,

very carefully.

You are

the monster.

You scare humans and their

cute little puppies.

They don't

scare you!

Are you sure

you are all right?

Fine, fine.

Well, you don't

look fine, fine.

Maybe that's how he

looks when he's fine, fine.

I'm not fine,

okay?

I'm miserable.

Now everybody thinks

I'm a coward.

Hey, that dog was scary.

He had sharp teeth, a big growl

and little pink bows.

Thank you, I feel

so much better now.

What Krumm is trying to say

is we all get scared sometimes.

You're just trying to

cheer me up.

I'm surprised you haven't

offered me a--

Larvae?

See?

And I still

don't feel better.

(Simon)

Tuesday, 0:1800 hours.

A night like any other:

garbage, filth, vermin.

Gosh, I love it.

But underneath,

terror.

Terror so real

you can smell it.

(inhales deeply)

(gagging)

Note to myself,

never smell terror in a dump.

But hark, what--

what's that?

I said I'd

like to be alone.

You mean, without me?

Right.

Oh.

Gotcha, gotcha,

gotcha, gotcha, gotcha!

b*at from down under!

Got you!

You're not a monster.

You haven't seen him

in the morning.

Say, aren't you

that guy from TV?

Well, yes, as a

matter of fact, I am.

Wait a minute--

what are you doing here?

Hunting monsters.

Isn't it fun?

You're hunting

what?

I've got my eye

on that Venturi.

You cannot

hunt monsters!

You're a--

a family.

Well, we're probably

not as good as you.

Oh, "probably,"

you say?

Probably not!

You don't know the first thing

about hunting monsters!

You people think you

can just waltz in here

and find some monster

hiding behind every tree.

It takes years of training,

a sharp eye and--

Look, there's a monster

behind the tree.

(man)

By George, that is a monster.

What? Where?

Good work, sweetie.

That?

(laughs)

You call that

a monster?

That's nothing but

a bunny rabbit.

Krumm, I thought

I told you--

(screams)

Krumm!

Help, help!

Yes!

You're mine.

You are

all mine.

The monster

is mine.

I'm lost

Lost forever in the

black pit of despair.

Alone, forgotten.

Without a home.,,

and I'm getting

nauseous.

Don't worry, buddy,

I almost have it.

Oblina!

(Ickis)

Good thinking!

(Krumm)

There's more to me

than just a

delightful stench.

(Simon)

Yes! Yes!

I did it!

I

did it!

I did it!

Wow, you got

a monster?

Of course

I got a monster.

Why?

Why, you may ask?

Because I'm good,

I'm good.

I'm really,

really good.

I'm better than

good, I'm bad.

(kiss)

(Ickis)

He said he was gonna save me.

Of course he's

gonna save me.

How's he gonna save me?

What if I'm unsaveable?

Is that a word?

Krumm, oh,

thank goodness.

I knew you'd come.

Don't worry, buddy,

I got it all figured out.

Yes! I did it!

I did it!

I did it.

Two monsters!

Oh, I'm bad.

Oh, I'm really bad.

Oh, I'm so bad.

I'm worse.

Look, I'm not one of

those UFO crazies

you're always putting

on the air, got it?

I'm a monster hunter.

(clanging)

Just a minute--

Who is it?

(deep voice)

Delivery.

What kind of

delivery?

Delivery.

Well, come on in,

I'll be right there.

(Simon)

Yes, that's right.

I said real

monsters.

(monster)

I said left!

(monster)

I went left!

I meant your

other left!

Will you

keep it down?

Hey, 10 monsters,

live television.

It's gonna cost

you, buddy.

No, no, the other way--

other way!

Will you excuse me

for a minute?

Ooh, the lamp.

(monster)

The lamp.

(monster)

The lamp!

Ooh

(monsters

screaming)

Whoa! I'm worse!

I'm worse

than worse!

I'm Simon,

the Terrible!

(laughs)

Move over!

No, you move over.

Will you be quiet?

I am trying to think.

What are we

going to do?

Shh, let her

think!

Let her what?

Think, think!

I don't stink.

After a careful review

of the problem

from every conceivable angle,

I have finally concluded that--

Yes, yes!

We are done for.

Then after the talk show

circuit, of course,

there's the book deal,

video games, "Simon Sings".

He's the one

who scared me!

It's okay--

he can't get out.

(phone ringing)

Wait!

(gasps)

(gasps)

You're scared

of me?

No way! You are the one

who's scared.

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

And I wasn't scared when

you hid under my bed either.

Were too!

Were not!

You weren't scared at all?

Nope.

Not the least

little bit?

That's right.

Fine well, I gave it

everything I had.

You did?

Yeah.

Well, maybe

I was scared.

You were,

really?

A little bit.

Don't get too close

to that cage.

No way.

The scariest thing is when

your parents are out

and your babysitter's

asleep and you hear

this awful scratching

noise at the window

and you know, for sure,

it's the--

Rolling Gagantsu

with 17 heads!

Uh, yeah, sure.

Or the boogeyman!

(laughing)

He's scary too?

Want a cookie?

Oh! Oh, no, no,

no, thanks.

Um, listen, Bradley, I want you

to pretend something, okay?

Okay.

Okay, um, pretend that

you're up in a dump, right,

and you're gathering

grubs and suddenly,

a monster hunter

sneaks up behind you

and throws you in a cage and

wants to put you on TV.

I went on TV,

it was awful.

I know.

Well, if he puts us on TV, then,

well, everyone's gonna know

that we exist and then they'll

hunt us down and well, then

(Simon)

Bradley!

Give me a hand with

these cages, will ya?

Then it'll be the

end of us, Bradley.

It'll be

the end of me.

Come on,

I'm already late!

Where's

where's my monsters!

It was--

it was so weird.

This ray blasted out of

his eyes and I couldn't move!

And then all of a sudden,

this voice in my head

commanded me to open

the cages and I couldn't stop.

They're more devious

than I thought!

I should have

known that!

Why didn't I know that?

Because I'm stupid,

that's why!

I'm not bad.

I'm not terrible.

I stink!

(Bradley)

Cookie?

(people screaming)

Oh, must be another sale

over at Lunatic Willy's.

That guy's

really bonkers.

Yeah, why don't you go

home and get some rest?

I'll close up.

What a scare!

You were great,

Ickis.

I was, wasn't I?

Oh, nights like this make me

glad to be a monster.

Marvelous,

absolutely marvelous.

Bring on more humans.

Ooh, I'm not

through yet.

Wait for me.

I'm going to grab one

last look around.

Do be careful,

Ickis.

You know how the Gromble frowns

on this sort of improvising.

Right back.

(toilet flushes)

(Ickis)

Hey!

What's wrong

with him?

I have absolutely

no idea.

Perhaps he's gone

completely mad.

Whoa!

Having fun,

were you?

Oh, you will not believe

what I saw in there.

It was

incredible.

(people

screaming)

(gasp)

(monsters

laughing)

Quite a successful little

mission, my valiant vermin.

I only have one

teensy, weensy question.

What exactly

were you doing?

I-I couldn't

help it, sir.

I was swept away!

It was all

so magnificent.

I see.

Can anyone tell me

what are

the most fiendish devices

ever invented by humans?

(speaks gibberish)

She says, "soap."

Well done, Snorch.

But today I have

one more item to add,

more diabolical

than soap.

It's television.

(all murmuring)

Television?

But your Gromble-osity,

TV isn't bad.

Did you see

yourself, Ickis?

You were tapping

your toes.

Well, it wasn't like--

You were snapping

your fingers.

Okay, but I--

You were shaking

your groove thing!

He's right,

you were.

Ickis, you don't

know the danger.

What if a human had come along

and surprised you?

He would have seen his

first dancing monster?

You would have

been history!

Listen to me,

my little dust mite.

TV is mankind's most

sinister creation.

It can suck the brains

right out of your head.

(all murmuring)

Neat!

And turn you into

one of these.

A potato.

(all)

Ew!

A smooth, fresh, healthy,

good-for-you vegetable.

I don't believe it,

I don't believe it.

Not TV, not TV.

It cannot be bad,

it can't!

Stop pacing, Ickis.

You are making

me woozy.

Besides, by now, I am sure

everyone will have forgotten.

(monsters laughing)

Shall we dance?

Shall we?

I've never two monsters

with less rhythm!

We'll just see

who has the last laugh.

What are you going

to do, buddy?

I'll show them.

I'll show them all.

I'll bring them all back to that

store, that's what I'll do.

Then they will see.

I will--

You cannot be serious!

Bring the whole class

back to Crazy Jed's?

Why, that's crazy!

Crazy maybe, but I'll-I'll-I'll

find a TV, then!

That's it, I will find a TV

and I will bring it back here.

But Ickis, you heard

the Gromble.

TV is more

dangerous than soap.

What if you turn

into a potato?

Yeah? What would

we tell your parents?

There has got to a be television

in here someplace.

Humans always

throw away the good stuff.

Aha!

This one's

too small anyway.

I gotta find a big one,

like in a store.

Oh, let me see

I--

That's all you have

to say, "I"?

How are you?

What do you think?

I couldn't find one

that was big enough,

so I decided

to build one.

A television?

Ickis, dear,

you are obsessing.

Let it go.

No, no,

the television!

Forget about it!

Where are you going?

Well, I certainly

do not want to be here

when the Gromble finds

out what you are up to.

Well, don't worry

about me.

Who says I'm worried

about you?

You're leaving too?

No offense, pal,

but she's got a point.

(grunting,

struggling)

(expl*si*n)

(coughing)

I was this close.

Ha!

Ha-ha!

(speaks gibberish)

Mr. Ickis,

the Snorch would like to know

when you will have it,

this television?

What if the Gromble's right and

we all turn into potatoes?

(speaks gibberish)

Snorch is afraid

of nothing.

Look, he's choosing

the yellow wire.

(speaks gibberish)

He likes

the color yellow.

All right.

Where's Kilowag?

I've got a bad feeling

about this.

(crackling)

Oh yeah

Yes! I told you!

What'd I tell you?

Ahh

Indeed, it is as beautiful as an

unborn larvae is a foot.

Wait, wait!

This isn't TV.

Well, at least someone

still has a brain.

(speaks gibberish)

He says the overall harmony of

the disparate parts was

in all probability due to the

pervasive use of yellow wire.

Personally, I like purple.

(speaks gibberish)

Oh, but yellow's

very nice, beautiful.

(kiss)

Look, this isn't TV.

It doesn't have dancing

or any of the other stuff.

So?

"So"? I am going back to

Crazy Jed's to figure out

what's wrong and you

are coming with me, mister.

Well, when you put it

like that, how can I say no?

It's not a

very good picture.

It's not turned on.

I like

yours better.

Maybe it's

the wires.

No, mine's got

lots of wires.

Looks tasty.

That's it,

that's it!

I don't have

that thing.

Satellite dish.

Krumm, come on,

we got work to do.

Don't you ever think of

anything else but food?

Beverages?

(hiccups)

(door opening)

(hiccupping)

This video camera's

giving me heartburn.

I can still

taste the knobs.

(chuckles)

Hey, this looks

pretty good.

Yes!

What?

(screaming)

It's perfect.

(monster)

Oh no, Gabby's gone!

Thelma's gone too.

Poor thing, such a short

and sweet life.

You named them?

But of course, how else

could we tell them apart?

Look, Snorch!

Thelma's back!

Oh, quel joy!

(laughs)

It's happened

so quickly.

Look, their brains

have turned to skankem.

Okay, this time

I got it.

Whew!

Thelma, Gabby,

Arlo

You have destroyed them all,

and for what?

And don't forget those

ever-popular root veggies--

beets, turnip, carrots--

Hey, I want

my TV!

I don't understand it!

Where's the

singing and dancing?

(speaks gibberish)

What's he saying?

He says you will

bring back Thelma

or he will make

you potato.

Wow!

Come on, buds,

let's rage!

(cheering

and laughing)

(screaming)

Et tu, Snorche?

We heard about this device and

came to disarm it when--

Enough!

(gulp, static)

So, you just couldn't leave

well enough alone, could you?

You had to experience

this for yourselves.

(hiccup)

Ickis, do you realize

it took one single day

to turn your classmates

into brainless fools?

(hiccup)

Um, I wouldn't go so far

as to say fools, sir.

Dimwits, maybe.

Well, I won't

tolerate it anymore!

Do you hear me?

I won't have it.

It's disruptive,

it's corrosive

and it's, it's

it's me.

Now that's

entertainment.

Ooh

Maybe this wasn't

such a good idea.