03X03 - The Worst Couple

[bunniefuu]

Why is Sikowitz always late to class?

Maybe we could try an acting scene on our own.

Ooo!

What if we act out the final scene from Titanic.

When the boat sinks?!

Oh my God I just gave away the ending.

Spoiler alert!

Y'know, whenever she starts talkin', I think to myself, "maybe this time it'll make sense"...

I'm always wrong.

Oh.

C'mon man! Why won't it...

Your phone's making noise.

I think she knows that.

You don't know what she knows.

I know you're being obnoxious.

Ohhh.

Why does it keep... ?!

Robbie, would you please unplug that cord, count to three, and then plug it back in?!

Surely girly.

One I love grandma...

Two I love grandma...

Plug it in!!

Thanks.

Why's your phone all janked?

You tell me! It should work fine.

How many times have you dropped it in the toilet?

Only three!

Anyway, now it won't stay charged.

So I have to keep it plugged in all the time.

Just get a new phone.

Don't give her advice.

I was just...

Don't.

Man, you make me happy!

Blehhh.

Blehhh.

My father's embarrassed of me.

You really should just get a new pear phone.

If I buy a new pear phone now I have to get another GX, but people say the pear phone XT might come out next month.

They announced it?

No, but they're supposed to tell us this week.

Girl, you're better than that.

Just buy another GX.

Nooooo... if I buy the GX, then the new XT'll come out.

The next day and then I'll be stuck with a stupid GX.

While everybody else has the cool new XT.

Hey if we're gonna keep talking about Tori's phone, could someone please take me to a car door.

So I can slam my face in it?

I have a car.

Oohhh.

Hey, I have an announcement.

Is it about the new pear phone XT?!

No, sit down.

You guys know that game show I invented?

Queries for couples?

Queries?

What about your game show?

Well, I met with the people from gamegoober. Com, and told them about the idea, and they wanna do it!

Great bye.

Wait.

I'm doing a rehearsal of the show tomorrow night.

For the guy who runs game goober...

Harvey goobensteen?

Yep!

And I want all you guys to come. Even Robbie.

Oh wow.

Cool.

Awesome.

Thanks.

I'll text everyone the deets!

La la la la la la la la. Hoo hoo!

Ohhhhh...

All right, I can't take that phone anymore.

Will ya fix that chiz?

She's...

Turn off.

Really annoying.

Okay, okay. Fine, I'll just unplug it!

Whoa!!!

Oh my God. Are you okay?!

Yeah.

Would you plug it back in?

Here I am once again feeling lost.

But now and then I breathe it in to let it go.

And you don't know where you are now.

Or what it will come to.

If only somebody could hear.

When you figure out how.

You're lost in the moment.

You disappear.

You don't have to be afraid.

To put your dream in action.

You're never gonna fade.

You'll be the main attraction.

Not a.

Just remember me.

When it turns out right

'cause you know.

That if you live.

In your imagination.

Tomorrow you'll be.

Everybody's fascination.

In my victory.

Just remember me.

When I make it shine.

Hello and welcome to Northridge.

Heh heh. M'girls.

Thank you for being here at the first rehearsal of my very own game show, queries for couples.

Would you pass this down?

I need to plug in my phone.

Hi, little help?

Little help?

Help my friend Tori plug in her phone.

Thanks, guys.

Um, before we start, I'd like to introduce the wonderful man who runs gamegoober. Com...

Mister Harvey goobensteen.

And now... it's time to play...

Sinjin's game show!

It's called queries for couples!

Wall!

Ulch.

Ewww.

Yeeee.

Now let's meet our contestants.

Couple number one hails from burbank, and...

Hey... hey ragtop...

Uh, excuse me for a moment.

Hey Northridge.

Would you just plug it into the wall there.

Thanks.

Some girls aren't so smart.

Uh huh.

Yay, my phone came on.

Yay, my phone came on.

Awww man.

Awww man.

You got the talkin' Reggie app?

You got the talkin' Reggie app?

Yes!

Yes!

Turn it off.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Ooooch!

Okay...

Mister goobensteen feels that a game show should have better-looking contestants.

He's not wrong.

So I'm gonna say goodnight to you guys...

Go on...

Don't worry...

It's nothing personal...

It's just your appearances.

Now... uhhh...

Will you guys please be my test couples?

But none of us are dating, except for Beck and Jade.

That's okay. Will you guys do it?

Well I...

Don't blow this for me, Tori!

Okay, it's time to play...

Queries for couples.

Thaaaaat's right!

Live, from Northridge. It's: Queries for couples!

We're not really a couple.

Shush!

Now, say hello to our query girl, Trina Vega!

Hello sinjin.

You're not supposed to talk.

I'll talk if I wanna talk.

Okay!

Let's take a look at our first query for couple number one.

Andre, Cat has bad breath.

It's just pretend.

Do you, a: Tell her she has bad breath; B, ignore it because you love her; Or c, dump her.

Cat, go ahead and use your corded remote.

To secretly choose what you think Andre's answer should be.

Okay!

Beeeee.

Cat, you don't say it out loud.

That's okay. This is just a rehearsal.

Andre, your answer.

I'm gonna go with b.

Yay!

Easy, now. Don't start something you can't finish.

Okay. Our next query is for Tori and Robbie.

I say that!

Well, I should get to say something!

No!

Now, let's look at our query for Tori and Robbie.

Tori, Robbie has a pimple on his back that he can't reach.

That has happened to me.

Not really my boyfriend!

Do you, a, take him to the doctor; B, wait for the pimple to explode on its own; Or c, pop it for him.

Robbie, lock in the answer you think Tori will choose.

Hmmm.

What will my girlfriend Tori say?

Ah!

So Tori, what are we gonna do about that back zit?

Well, I think that I would choose a, take him to a doctor.

And Robbie predicted you'd say, c, pop it for him.

Gross.

My mom does it for me.

Well, maybe that's why she screams in her sleep.

And now for our final couple, Beck and Jade.

Your query is...

Hello? Tori?

You're taking a phone call now?

I didn't even press answer!

I'm sorry, my phone is very broken!

Mom, I can't talk now!

Can you hear me?

Hi, Mrs. Vega.

Toriiiii?

Turn it off!

I'm pressing end call!

I can't hear you.

Mom, just hang up!

I'm at the drugstore. Do you want me to buy you some more ointment...

I have some ointment if you need it.

Please read the next query.

Okay.

Beck and Jade, your query is: You're stranded on a boat in the ocean...

I don't go in the ocean.

Just let him finish the question.

I don't like the ocean.

Guys...

We are trying to help our friend with his game show.

You know what happened to me when I was in third grade.

And went into the ocean!

The dolphin was just being friendly!

I love dolphins!

They eat fish and do tricks, and I saw one in a movie that solves crime.

Oh, yeah. What was the name of that movie?

Detective blowhole.

Oh, yeah!

I'm trying to ask Beck and Jade a query!

Dolphins creep me out, so I will not go in the ocean!

Just say a, b or c!!!

B!

Maybe it was a!

I don't care!

I'm not happy with our relationship!

We'll be right back with more of queries for couples.

Starring Trina!

Stop it!!!

Hello? Tori?

Do you want the ointment or the foam?

Ointment!

Wait, they have foam?

What's up, girlfriend?

Stop pretending we're couple.

The game show is over.

I don't know if you wanna begining snippy with your pretended boyfriend, who fixed your pear phone source to work without an extension cord?

You fixed it?

Yup?

Your mobile phone is once again...

Mobile.

Wh... wh... what is this?

Car batteries. From a Volvo.

So I am supposed to walk around with these giant car batteries to power my phone?!

Or you could just buy a new pear phone GX to replace that one.

Nooooo.

If I buy another GX, I guarantee you the new XT'll gonna come out like the next day, and then I'll be the dumb preturd with a GX.

While everybody else has the cool new XT.

Take it easy, baby.

Robbie...

Hey, Tori.

Hey... sinji...

Sinjin, what happened to you?!

Well...

After the show last night, I went to the parking lot.

To give Beck and Jade their trophy for being voted worst couple, and Jade ran over me.

She ran over you?!

Just my legs.

Will you give this to Beck or Jade?

Sure.

So is that goobensteen guy gonna put your game show on his website?

I'm not sure.

Well, what'd he say?

Nothing... he just spit in my apple juice.

That's not a good sign.

Hard to say.

Ooo, there's Beck and Jade.

No, not Jade.

Aah!

Robbie, come drag me away!

Just get another pear phone GX.

I am waiting for the XT!

I'm done talking about it.

No, we're not.

He's kidnapping me! You all see it!

Kidnapper! Kidnapper! Let go!

Kidnapper.

This is not funny.

Right.

What's funny is you freaking out over a dumb game show.

We were voted worst couple.

And the other two couples weren't even real couples.

And one had Robbie in it.

Why do you care if we were voted worst couple?

It's a matter of...

Is this a closet party?

Look, I have spoons!

Cat, come here.

We need your opinion on something.

On global warming?

No.

'Cuz I don't think that's really happening.

Cat...

Seriously, I went to the movies the other night, and it was so cold.

Cat!

Hi.

We need your opinion on us.

Why not just ask a monkey?

I saw a movie about a monkey.

He wore glasses and carried a g*n.

Don't you think Jade and I fight a lot?

Sure.

Yeah, but all boyfriends and girlfriends fight a lot, don't they?

Well, sometimes, but...

Yes or no?!

Ah!

Let her talk!

You never listen to me talk!

Can I go now?

No!

What is your point here anyway?!

I would like to have a girlfriend I can talk to.

Without it turning into a screaming match.

Yeah? Well I'd like a boyfriend.

Who other girls don't stare at all the time!

I thought this was a closet party.

How is it my fault girls stare at me?

You could look worse if you wanted to!

I'm under my bed, I'm under my bed, I'm under my bed.

I can't believe how jealous you get!

Oh, oh, so you think I'm ugly?!

Wh... ?! Who said... Did I say she was ugly?!

No, Cat thinks we're a perfect couple!

Cat, are Jade and I a perfect couple?!

Don't answer that!

Answer it!

Say nothing!

C'mon!!!

You c'mon?!?!

Well, ya made Cat faint.

I'm late for class.

We're gonna have to finish this sooner or later!

Later.

Hi.

Hey Luther... somebody spilled a soda on the floor in the gym and I...

Oh Luther, why?

I'll call it.

...Full boat... Jacks over queens.

I win!

Boo.

C'mon now...

Ah, don't hate me
'cuz I'm lucky and pretty.

Then can we hate you 'cuz you're conceited and untalented?

You guys, I feel bad that we didn't invite Beck to play cards with us.

You invite Beck, you get Jade too.

And they're always fighting.

I don't wanna be sitting here playing cards.

While they scream at each other.

All right ladies... Are we gonna chitchat or play some cards?

Cards.

Let's play.

Deal 'em.

Let's do it.

Oh, wait, one sec...

Looooooooo-woooooaaahhhhhh!!!

Who was it?

I don't know!

I was too busy being electrocuted to hear!

The worst those batteries could give you is a mild shock.

Ahhh! Take it away! Take it away! Take it away!

Just buy yourself another pear phone GX.

No! If I buy another GX... They're gonna announce the XT the next day.

And then everyone will have a new XT.

And I'll be stuck with a stupid GX.

Man, I'm so sick of hearing that.

Well, there's no need for you guys to mock me simultaneously.

Is it my turn to deal?

Yup. Do it.

Okay, look...

My Uncle Duke taught me how to shuffle cards with one hand. Ready?

Look-it...

Schlamozzle!

I got it.

Yeah, get it.

Comiiiing.

Oh. Great! It's you guys...

See? They're all here.

I told you they'd all be here.

Listen, I am sorry that we didn't invite you guys to play but...

Tell her why you didn't invite us to play.

Well... 'Cuz... we were...

Planning your surprise party?

What?

Alright, we didn't invite you guys to play.

Because you two are always screamin' at each other.

And it makes everybody feel awkward.

And makes Cat faint and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!

One time! I cried one time!

Six.

Six times!

See? We fight so much, even our friends don't want us around!

Tori's not my friend. I only tolerate Robbie.

No one likes Trina. And Cat's basically a pet.

Arf!

Are you guys gonna let her say that nobody likes me?

So why don't you guys play cards with us?

Look, I don't wanna be your boyfriend.

If we're just gonna fight all the time.

So you wanna break up?

No, I didn't say that! I'm just saying...

You guys might break up?

Because I'm not dating anyone.

And I've always thought that Beck and I would make a perfect...

Next time it's a hammer!

Come on, Beck, take me to get some food.

I'm tired of fighting.

Okay.

I'm gonna walk out that door...

And I'm gonna count to ten.

Don't forget three!

Some people forget it.

If I get to ten and you're not out there...

I'm going home...

And we're over.

One...

I would never fight with you.

Two... three...

Four... five...

Six...

Yaww!

Aah!

Trina!

Stop.

Come on. Just give me a chance!

Stop! Get off! No!

You have to understand, I'm a really fun girl!

You're so good looking!

What are you doing?! Stop, stop.

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Ten.

Let's play some cards.

Yeah, let's play.

I'll pick up the cards.

Make sure you get all fifty-two.

Kay-kay.

One... two... four... five...

Six... seven... eight...

Nine... ten... eleven...

And... text message sent.

Where's the battery card I made you?

Don't need it.

I went to the pear store and just bought another GX.

Good.

I thought you're gonna wait for the new XT.

Oh, who knows when that phone will come out?

I mean, it could be months.

True.

You're right.

Y'know, I needed a new phone now and the GX is fine.

And look, I already installed talking Reggie.

Yo, what-up rejayyy?

Yo, what-up rejayyy?

Hey, you guys... did you see Jade and Beck's profiles on The Slap?

I did.

Yup.

What do they say?

"Not in a relationship".

Wow.

Then I guess it's official. They're broken up.

Does my thumb look Spanish?

Hey! Look what I got, everyone!

The new pear phone XT?

Yup!

What?!

No no no no noooo!!!

Uh-huh... they just hit the pear store this morning.

I got one too!

Same here.

Uh-huh.

I got one.

I got a blue one!

With unlimited texting.

Dog jam it!!!

Buh-bye!

Buh-bye!

Ooh!

Ooh.