01x13 - Doug's Fair Lady/Doug Says Goodbye

[bunniefuu]

[Rhythmic music]

♪

- ♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪

[Dog barks]

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Na na na na, na na na,
na na, na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na,
na na, na na ♪

♪ Na na na na, na na na,
na na, na na ♪

♪ Na na na na, na na na,
na, na, na ♪

♪ Na na na na, na na na,
na na, na na ♪

♪ Na na na na, na na na,
na, na, na! ♪

[Applause]

- Welcome back
to your saturday nite.

Now for our final round.

How would you, patti mayonnaise,

Like to spend
your saturday night?

- Go for it, patti!

- Choice number one:
writing a paper for extra credit

On the mating habits
of the tsetse fly

With your teacher, mrs. Wingo.

- It's an interesting topic.

- Or choice number two:

Stay at home and wash your hair.

Man: shampoo!

- Or choice number three:

Going to the tri-county fair

With your very own classmate
doug funnie.

- Hi, patti.

I'm nice.
I've got a great dog.

I can eat a ton of cotton candy
without getting sick.

[Crowd booing]

- Well, patti?

- Um...
[Crowd yelling]

- Number three!

- Uh, maybe...

Uh, the shampoo?

No, I mean mrs. Wingo.

No, no, I mean doug.

No, maybe the shampoo.
Um...

- Since moving to bluffington,

I've been through
some rough times.

But the roughest was wondering
if the first date in my life

Would be with patti mayonnaise.

[Footsteps]

[Door creaks]

[Dog barks]

- That's me.

- ♪ Da, da-da, da da

♪ Da, da-da, da da da

♪ Da, da-da, da da

♪ Da-da-da, da-da,
da da ♪

[Dog barks]

- ♪ Do, do-do, do-do-do...

- Dear journal, it all began
on a typical friday afternoon.

[School bell rings]

♪

"Tri-county fair,
this saturday."

- And it's got
this giant ferris wheel.

And you know
there's nothing I love more

Than going round and round
in circles

And not getting anywhere.

- Wow, the fair's here already.

Boy, time sure does fly.

- Hey, patti.

- Hey, doug.
Hey, skeet.

How's it going?
Both: fine.

- Well, see ya.

Both: see ya.

- Hey, doug?

Yo, doug?

Earth to doug.
Come in, doug.

Earth to doug.

[Imitates radio static
and beeping]

- Huh?
- Hey, man.

I know what you're thinking.

You want to ask patti to go
to the fair with you, right?

Like a date?

- Me?
Her?

D-date?

No way.

- Relax, man.

I'm not talking about
a date date.

We'll make it a group thing,
hmm?

- A group thing?
- Yeah.

Me and you and porkchop
and beebe and patti.

- You think so?

- Who knows?

Maybe patti will sit beside you
on the giant ferris wheel.

- ♪ You and me go
round and round ♪

♪ From the sky to the ground

♪ With the moonlight
high above ♪

♪ Looking at you could be love

And so for the first time ever,

I decided to call patti.

- Come on.
Go for it, man.

Ha ha!

- Gee, I wonder what she'll say.

[Phone ringing]

[Light jazz music]

- Really?
You don't mean it.

[Laughs]
- more root beer, my dear?

- Would you excuse me?

It must be another one
of my many boyfriends.

Yes?

- Uh, hello.
Patti?

This is doug.

- Doug?
Doug who?

- You know, doug funnie.

- Doug funnie.
Doug funnie.

I'm sorry;
I don't recognize that name.

You must have the wrong number,
little boy.

- [Groans]

I can't go through with it,
skeet.

What if she says no
or starts laughing or something?

- She won't laugh at you.

Who knows; maybe you could be

Patti's knight-in-shining-armor
kind of guy.

[Crickets chirping]

[Soft music]

- Yoo-hoo!

Maid mayonnaise!

[Horse snuffles]

- Who art thou, pray tell?

- 'Tis i, sir douglas of funnie.

- 'Scuse me?

- Thank you, sir pork of chop.

I said 'tis i,
sir douglas of funnie.

Uh, is there any chance
a fair damsel like you

Would like to go
to the medieval fair

With me and sir skeeter
and lady beebe?

- You bet.

Heads up!

Whoo!

- You're right, skeeter.

- Come on.
Go for it, doug.

[Line ringing]

- Hello?

- Uh, may I speak to...

Patti mayonnaise, please?

- This is she.

- Oh, it's you, patti.

- Ooh, that's smooth,
real smooth, man.

- Shh!

Uh, I was, uh...

Wondering, well,
if you want to, um...

Go to the fair, stupid.

I mean, with me.

No, I mean, not with just me,
of course.

It's--well, it's a group thing.

It'll be you and beebe
and skeeter and porkchop and me.

- Sure, doug.

I'll go to the fair with you.

I'll meet y'all
at the main entrance

Tomorrow at :.

Is that okay?

- Sure.
Well, gotta go. Bye.

Yes!
Yes!

Yes!

- Way to go, man.

You did it!

- Hurry, hurry!

[Lively music]

- Hey, beebe.
Hey, patti.

Both: hey, doug.
Hey, skeeter.

- Well, if you ask me,

Things are going pretty great
so far.

- Well, nobody's asking you,
funnie face.

[Laughs]

- Roger,
what are you doing here?

- Same as you, funnie:

Ready to spend
a fun-filled evening

With my dearest friends.

Unfortunately,
my dearest friends

Haven't gotten here yet,
so I'm going with you.

[Laughs]

- Great.

And so we decided
to try our luck

At the "soak your mayor" booth.

Skeeter was up first.

- Come on, skeeter!
- Soak the mayor.

- Whoa!

- Great shot, skeeter.

Now let me try.

- Yes, it's a little chilly.

- Come on, patti.
Throw it.

- Whoa!

- Yeah!

- Oh, great shot, patti.

Now let me try.

- Come on, doug.

- Nail it, doug.

- You can do it.
I know you can.

- Oh, my goodness,
you didn't hit it.

[All groan]

- We have a miss.
- Phew!

- Nice try, dead-eye.

- Okay, porkchop.

- Whoa!

- Way to go, porkchop!

- Hurry, hurry!

Heave a beet.
Win a prize.

- All right, roger!

- Ugh.
I don't believe it.

She's even cheering for roger.

Kids: wow!

- All right!
Let's go to the ferris wheel.

- We'll see the whole fair
lit up.

- Come on, man.
This is your big chance.

- Let's face it, skeeter.

Patti'll never sit next to me.

[Sighs]

Why should I put myself
through all this grief?

Why should I even bother to go
on the ferris wheel at all?

- Are you kidding?

Think about it, man.

If you don't get on the ride,

You totally won't have a chance
with patti.

Besides, she could end up
sitting next to roger.

- Roger?

[Trumpet playing]

- Oh, roger.

I've never seen
this side of you before.

Play me another romantic song
on your trombone.

- Sure, I'd love to.

- Oh, roger,
this is a magical night.

- Well, skeeter,
I can't let that happen.

One, please.

[Gasps]

Whew.

[Gasps]

Whew.
[Screams]

Uh, this seat is saved.

- For who?
Your mother?

- None of your beeswax, roger.

- Ooh!

- Come on, patti.

Please, please, please...
- Hey, doug.

Mind if I sit next to you?

- Mind?
Yeah.

I mean, no.
I mean, sure.

- Thanks, doug.

- At that moment,
I was the happiest guy

In the entire tri-county area.

- I can't wait
till we get goin'.

Did you know this is the fastest
ferris wheel in the world?

- Fastest?
- See?

The giant tornado,
fastest ferris wheel on earth.

Both: whoa!

[All yelling]

[Laughter]

- Whoa!

That was great!

Here, doug.
I'll give you a hand.

[Fireworks exploding]

[Crowd gasping]

Wow.

Isn't this incredible?

- Yes.
This is incredible.

Even if it was
only for a second,

Even if she was only helping me
off the ferris wheel,

Patti mayonnaise and I
held hands

At the tri-country fair
for a solid seconds.

I may never wash this hand
again.

Well, maybe just this one time.

- ♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo

♪ Doo, doo-doo...

- Dear journal,

Did you ever have
something happen to you

That made you realize
what was really important?

Last week, I did.

See, beebe was having
this big costume party,

And skeeter and porkchop and me

Were searching
for the perfect outfits.

We were going to go
as our favorite rock group,

The beets.

- Cool!

- Chap lipman,
world's greatest drummer.

- ♪ Whoa!

♪ Mm, mm

Ooh, yeah, yeah.

- All I needed

Was to find the right wig
for my costume.

But then, out of the blue,

The worst thing that can happen
to two best friends happened.

Is something bugging you,
skeeter?

- I can't come to the party
tomorrow, doug.

- What?
Why not?

- I just found out
I'm moving.

- Moving?

[Footsteps]

[Door creaks]

[Dog barks]

- That's me.

- ♪ Da, da-da, da da

♪ Da, da-da, da da da

♪ Da, da-da, da da

♪ Da-da-da, da-da,
da da ♪

[Dog barks]

- Moving?
Why?

- [Moans]

My dad said--he told me
I had one day to pack.

- It just couldn't be true.

I'd known skeeter

From the first day
I moved to bluffington,

When he taught me
how to order food

From the honker burger.

We're starving.

Huh?
- Yo, man.

Let me take care of this.

The new kid wants
three moo cows--

One no cukes, one no stinkers--
one wet one, four tubers,

And four for the mind.

Do you want anything else?

- Well, how do you order a salad
from the salad bar?

- One salad from the salad bar.

- He taught me how to dance
when I didn't think I could.

- [Beatboxing]

First you move your arms

Like you got an itch
you can't reach.

♪

And then you bend your legs
like you're in an earthquake.

♪

And then you let your whole body
go into spin drive.

♪

[Muffled]
or something like that.

- Oh.

- Uh, say,

Could you just pull my foot
out of my pocket?

- Like this?

- Yeah, that's it.

No, no, no!
The other way, the other way.

Yeah, that's it.

See you at the dance, doug.

- And we met the beets together.

Both: the beets!

♪ Ah, ee, ooh

♪ k*ller tofu

- Let's jam!

All: ♪ ooh, ee, ooh

♪ k*ller tofu

- ♪ Ah, ee, ooh

♪ Na, na, na na na na na

Huh?

[Laughs nervously]

And now he was leaving.

Life just wouldn't be the same.

All those times he helped me,

But what could I do for him now?

It would be easy for a superhero
like quailman.

- Here we go.
- Bye, bluffington.

- Ooh, what's that
running across the road?

- Looks like a quail.

- It is i, quailman.

He'd just give mr. Valentine
the quail eye.

- Honey?
Kids?

I'm helpless and stupefied.

I don't think we'll be moving
after all.

- And smash adams, secret agent,
would just:

[With british accent]
hold it right there.

[Men gasp]

- Smash adams!

Ow.

- You're not moving my friend
anyplace.

Hi-yah!

Huh! Huh!
Hi-yah!

Now take all that stuff
off the truck,

And put it back.

And watch the corners.
No scratches.

But what about me?

What could I do?

[Screams]

This is terrible, skeet.

Where are you going to move?

- I don't know.

My dad just said, "pack up.
You're moving."

Oh!

If only there was some way
I didn't have to.

[Gasps]
wait!

Maybe I don'thave to.

- Don't have to what?
Don't have to what?

- You'll see, doug.
It's a surprise.

[Laughs]

- I didn't know
what skeeter had up his sleeve,

But whatever it was, I figured
it wasn't going to work.

- Surprise.
Ta-da!

I found this old wig
for your costume.

How do I look?

- Terrific, mom.

- You'll look great
at the party.

Why, douglas, you look
just like your father

Before we were married.

- Gee, thanks, mom.

- Let's see how it looks
with the rest of your outfit.

- Pizza?

- I think it'll look perfect
with my costume, mom. Bye.

- What's the matter, douglas?

- I just--

I should get started
on my homework.

- Homework?

Are you sure
you're feeling okay?

- Yeah, yeah, fine.

Sure, sure, fine.
Bye, mom.

- Okay.

Just don't work too hard.

- Skeeter, what are you doing?

- I've come to live with you,
doug.

- Huh?

- ♪ Ah, ee, ooh

♪ k*ller tofu

♪

♪ Ooh, ee, ooh

♪ k*ller tofu

- Oh, doug, this is great.

I won't move tomorrow.

I'll hide here,
and we'll be secret brothers.

- We can go to high school
together after all.

- And live off buddy bars,
with nobody to tell us to stop.

Man, I need a shake.

Want to go to the honker burger,
brother?

- Well, sure, but...

How can we go
to the honker burger

Without somebody telling
your parents

Where you're hiding?

- Don't worry, doug.

I have a plan.

- Uh-oh.

- ♪ Ooh, eh, ooh

♪ k*ller tofu

- See, doug?
Nobody will know who i--

- Hey, doug.
Hey, skeeter.

- Hey, skeeter,
is it halloween already?

[Laughs]

- How does everybody--

- Oh, no!
It's your dad.

- Wh--whoo!

- Oh, hello, mr. Valentine.

- What?

- Hey, mr. Valentine.

Looking for something?

- Have any of you seen skeeter?

He never came home after school.

- Gosh, I wonder where
he could be.

Don't you wonder, doug?

- Well, uh...

- His mother made
his favorite dessert--

You know, that stuff
with the cherries

And the, uh, uh--
the--the--

- Banana split cake?

- That's it.

Wait, who said that?

- You know, mr. V,
you never can tell.

Sometimes the thing
you're looking for

Is sitting right there
under your nose.

[Crunch]
ow!

Hey!
Why, I oughta--

- His mother's worried sick.

Will you please tell him that,
doug, if you see him?

- I--i--

- Aye, aye.
That's the spirit.

- Keeping skeeter in bluffington

Was going to be harder
than I thought.

- Can I come out now?

- And the valentines
were really worried.

I bet they'd really miss him.

- What are you thinking about,
dear?

- Oh, nothing.

- What should I tell him?

- [Slurping]
- skeet?

Maybe you should go
with your parents.

- You mean you don't want me
to stay here with you, doug?

- Well, I do, but, well,

Maybe you'll like it better
where you're moving.

- Better than bluffington?

- Sure.

And anyway, I'll come visit ya.

- You will?
- Oh, sure.

- [Sighs]
maybe you're right, doug.

Here, I want you
to take care of this.

It's my lucky penny,

My new lucky penny.

I accidentally spent
the old one.

- Gee, thanks, skeeter.

I don't have a lucky penny
to give you.

Do you want my comb?

- Unbreakable.

Wow, thanks, doug.

That's really cool.

- Well, i--

I guess you better go home

Before your folks get
too worried.

- Yeah.

Will you come over
before I leave tomorrow?

- Sure, skeet.

See ya.

- ♪ Doo, doo doo,
doo doo... ♪

- See ya.

- And then, when I went
to his house to say good-bye...

Huh?

Wait.
Wait!

Come back.

Wait.

Skeeter!

Good-bye.

- Yo, doug.

Is something wrong?

- I just missed saying good-bye
to--

[Gasps]

To you.

You're here.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be moving.

- I already moved, doug.

- What?

- This is it, doug,
my new basement room.

I can listen to music
as loud as I want down here.

My parents fixed it up for me
as a surprise.

That's what they meant
when they said I was moving.

- [Laughs]

This is great, skeeter.

- Yeah!
[Laughs]

- So we went to the party
after all.

And every friend I'd made
since I moved to bluffington

Was there.

And skeeter and I decided

That we would do everything
we possibly could together--

Well, just in case one of us
ever really does have to move.

And, well, journal,

I'll let you know
how it turns out.

- ♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

[Calliope music]

♪

- [Beatboxing]