01x02 - Mental Kel-Epathy

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- Aww, here it goes.

- ♪

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys and home girls
it's time for Kenan & Kel ♪

♪ They keep you laughin'
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So, don't touch that dial
or leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
into something ♪

♪ It's fun and you
don't wanna miss it ♪

♪ It's double K
like to the good radius ♪

♪ Kenan & Kel

♪ Or should I say
Kel & Kenan ♪

♪ But you gotta watch Kenan
'cause Kenan be schemin' ♪

♪ With a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ But they kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
gettin' caught ♪

♪ This ain't the Hardy Boys
or a Nancy Drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just Kenan & Kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like Siegfried & Roy
or Abbott & Costello ♪

♪ Magic & Kareem
or Penn & Teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble

♪ Aw, here it goes

♪ On Nick Ni Nick Nick,
Ni Nick Nick Nick ♪

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Hey! Hey!
Look at the people.

- I feel the love.

- My name is Kenan.
- Hey, and I'm known as Kel.

- All right. See, that's how
we got the name of the show.

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Let me tell you, we got
the name of the show

because of the fact that--
- Kenan?

- Hey, man.
- Kenan?

- Can't you see I'm
talking to the audience?

- Yeah, I know.
- Appreciate it.

- I know, man, but could you
move over just a little bit?

- All right, man,
is that better?

- Yeah.

- Anyway,
like I was saying,

they came up with
the name Kenan & Kel

because of the fact--
- [boulder thuds]

- AUDIENCE:
[gasping]

- See? They came up with
the name of the show,

all right, because
they thought it was--

- Kel!
- Huh?

- Um, how did you know
that the big rock

was gonna fall
right there, man?

- I don't know. I guess
I just do know...you.

- Really?

Sometimes tells me
we're about to have

a very interesting
show tonight.

- Man, what you mean
by "very interesting"?

- Very interesting.
Come along, Kel.

- Kenan. Kenan, we've gotta
finish the introduction,

though, man.
- Yeah. Come on.

- Kenan, the audience.
Kenan? Kenan?

Aww, here it goes!

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- You lose your turn.
- Oh, honey.

- Okay, come on, baby.

- Oh, Cupcake, go!
- Five!

One, two, three,
four, five!

Ooh, Daddy owes
me $ , .

- Oh, Cupcake, can Daddy
pay the money later?

- No!

- SHERYL:
[laughing]

Okay, it's Kenan's turn.
Kenan, you're up!

- All right,
comin' through.

- Hey, hey, look out.
- Listen. Let's go.

- Mrs. Rockmore, I brought
you a diet drink.

I know you're trying
to lose five pounds.

- Uh, Kel, how did you know
I was trying to lose--

- Come on,
let's play, already.

- Okay, whose turn is it?
- ALL: Yours!

- Hey, man, we're all family.
You know, I'm callin' that back.

- ROGER:
[laughing]

- Boom! All right,
one, two, three...

four.
- Ooh, boy!

- KEL: Ha, ha,
you lose a turn.

- Ha, ha. I wish you'd lose
the way over to my house.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Yeah. But I bet you
wouldn't say that to Naomi.

[laughing]

- Who is Naomi?

- Oh, just some girl
Kenan got a crush on.

- Kel!
- AUDIENCE: [hooting]

- Man. Hey, Kel, man, how'd you
know I had a crush on Naomi?

I never said one
word about having--

- Ooh, Kenan,
you are blushing.

- Ooh, man.
- I'm not blushing.

It's asthma, probably.

- Oh, you ain't
got no asthma.

Give me them dice.
- Come on, baby.

- Don't roll an eight, now.
- I'm cool.

Blow on them, baby.
Oh, skidda rolling now.

Ahhh!
- Ha, ha! Eight!

Ooh, that hurt!

- Ooh, Daddy, you have
to go into the dungeon.

- Maybe Daddy likes
being in the dungeon.

- Yeah, but I bet Daddy don't
like being in last place. Ha!

- Who asked you?
- Oh, Roger, it's just a game.

- It's all right,
Mrs. Rockmore.

He's just mad 'cause the dentist
said he's got three cavities.

- What?

- I was gonna tell
you later, honey.

How do you know what
my dentist said?

- Hold on. Hold on.

All right, yeah.
I want a ten.

Woo! Gimme a ten.
- Oh, yes.

- Ple-e-e-ease gimme ten.

- Ple-e-e-ease
roll the dice.

- Wish-i-i-ing for a ten.

- Wish-i-i-ing
you roll the dice.

- Ten! Ha, ha!
I'm the man! Hey, boy!

- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- All right. Ten!

One...

two...

three...

four...

- Man! Five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten!

Man, how'd you get
to be so lucky?

- Yeah, how'd he find
out about my cavities?

- Telephone.

- [telephone rings]

- But how did he...?
- [telephone ringing]

- Wait, this is
getting weird, man.

- Better pick it up.

It could be your old
friend from high school,

uh, Claire Mantel, yeah.

- Hello?

It is Claire Manel!
[gasping]

How did he...?

- Something's going
on here, man.

I think he's psychic.

- I think he is peculiar.

- I think he is fine.

- Man, I just don't
get it, Chris.

I didn't tell anybody
I had a crush.

How'd he know?
- Who?

- Kel.
- You have a crush on Kel?

- On Kel? No!
Don't be gross.

I have a crush on Naomi
and Kel knew.

- Maybe he just guessed.

- Oh, yeah, and maybe
he guessed

about my dad's
three cavities

and about my mom getting
a phone call

from somebody she hasn't
spoken to in years.

I'm telling you, it's
like Kel all of a sudden

has these mental powers.

- You think Kel
is psychic?

- Yeah. Have you
noticed anything

strange about him lately?

- [door bells ring]

- Who loves orange soda?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Kel loves orange soda.

Is it true?

Is it true?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, it's true-oo.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- I do. I do. I do. I do. Ooh.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

[hooting]

- Nope, no stranger
than usual.

- I'm telling you,
he's psychic.

- Well, there's one
way to find out.

Kel?
- Huh?

- Tell me something.
- Like what?

- I don't know.
Something, uh, about myself.

Something, uh, personal.

- All right.

You have nightmares
about being chased

by a giant bunny rabbit.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Excuse me.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- How'd he know that?
- What?

- That I dream
about being chased

by a giant bunny.

- KENAN: [laughing]
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- You dream about being
chased by a giant bunny?

Does it have claws and fangs?
- Hush up! Hush up!

Stop laughing!
- All right, all right.

- I wanna know
how he knew.

- Okay, I'm just
gonna come right out

and ask him,
all right? Cool.

Kel, let me talk to you in
the back for a second, man.

- Uh, yeah.

- Oh, Chris, man,
don't look--

but there's a big, old bunny
rabbit right behind you!

[laughing]
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Sorry.

How'd you know about Chris
and the giant bunny rabbit?

- Oh, once I came back here
when he was taking a nap,

all right, and he was talking
in his sleep like this...

Get away, giant bunny!
Get away!

I'm not a carrot!
Go away!

[laughing]
- Okay.

How'd you know about
my dad's cavities?

- Oh, I go to the same dentist.
I looked in his file.

- Okay. How'd you know my mom
was gonna get that phone call?

- 'Cause I answered
the phone yesterday

before your mom came home.

I told that lady to
call back around : .

- Okay, how'd you know
the phone was gonna ring

right before it did, huh?
Tell me that.

- Because on your
portable phone,

there's a little light that
blinks right before it rings.

- Man! Wait.

How'd you know I had
a crush on Naomi?

- I read your diary.

- Oh, ha, I guess
that explains it.

Who said you could
read my diary, man?

- I couldn't help myself.

Your life's
so interesting.

- See? See? I knew
there had to be

a logical explanation
for all of this.

'Cause a boy can't have
extra mental abilities

without having
regular mental abilities.

Hear what I'm saying?
- Aw, thanks, man.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Come on, man.
- That's so sweet.

- Hey, Chris.
- I don't get it.

Nobody could have known
about the giant bunny.

Kel, tell me
something else.

Predict my future.
- But, Chris, but--

- Hey, hey, don't
tease the man, Kel.

Predict his future.

- Uh...I see...

- Yes, tell me
what you see.

- Tell him what
you see, psychic.

- I-I see...a sign?

- A sign?
He sees a sign.

What is it? Tell me!

- Uh, it's, uh...

the number three.

- The number three?

Oh, I wonder
what it means.

- I dunno.

- Uh...probably something
like danger, right?

- Y-Yeah. Danger.

- BOTH:
Oooh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Danger?
Three means danger?

- Yeah. All right,
that's enough for now, Chris.

- No, no, but I have
to know.

- Hey, hey, hey,
we don't want to

burn him out,
now do we?

- You're right. Okay.
The number three. Danger.

Somehow my life will be
affected by the number three.

- Man, why'd you
make me do that?

- 'Cause I want everybody to
think that you can read minds

and predict the future
and stuff.

- For what?
- So we'll be famous!

- How I'm gonna
make people believe

that I have
psychic powers?

- You almost got my whole
family believing it, brah.

And Chris, hm?

- Yes, is this - ?
Yes, this is Chris.

What do you know
about my future?

What is the danger?

T-T-Tell me.
Tell me things--

- [phone clicks, dial tone]

- They hung up.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- KENAN:
Chris!

Kel just told me that
if I don't go home right now,

you could catch
a cold from me.

- You what?
- I didn't say that.

Oh, it's true.
- Then you should go on home.

- But, Chris, I wanna work.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Kenan, we should
pay attention

to anything Kel
has to say.

Now go on home, son.

- Well, if you say so, boss.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Come along,
my psychic friend.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- How much for
these items?

- Oh, that's, um...

- [cash register beeping]
- $ . .

- Oh.
- [gasps] $ . !

Out! Get out!
Away from here!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Go on! Get out!
Mr. Three man!

- Oh, what was that?
What? You wanna start something?

- Okay, these are the facts
all about my family, okay?

- What kind of facts?

- Stuff they don't
know I know,

so, when you know, they'll
really think you're psychic.

- Man, why do I have
to fool your family?

- I told you. Once they're
convinced that you're a psychic,

then we can get them to
do anything we want to.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Now start learning the list.
- All right.

Your mom used to call your
daddy "Snuggle Butt"?

[laughing]
Snuggle Butt.

- What's so funny?

- I just don't see your
dad as a Snuggle Butt.

- Yeah, see to it
that you don't.

- Okay, Kyra likes
older boys. Uh-huh.

Your mother got suspended
from college for streaking?

What's streaking?

- Oh, see, way back
in the ' s,

streaking was when people
used to run around

all naked in public.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Your mother did that?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Kel, stop
smiling, nasty.

And pay attention.

I'm gonna teach you
the psychic stare.

- What's the psychic stare?

- You know, you've
gotta have that

mystical look on
your face like this...

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Hey, come on, try.

Not like that.
- What?

- You look like you're
about to throw up.

- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Like this...

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Yeah, a little
more lip movement.

A little more lip movement!
Like this.

Yeah, like Elvis.
Now snarl.

- Snarl. Snarl.
Uh-huh-huh.

- Now make it look like you've
got a thought in your head.

- Uh-huh-huh.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Not so much. Just...

- Uh-huh-huh.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- What's up, everybody?
- Hey.

- Do you boys wanna come
to the movies with us?

- Ooh, what movie?

- We're gonna see
"The Nasty Puppy."

- Oh, yeah, that's
the one where the puppy

gets the bone in the end.

- Oh, great, now he's ruined
the whole movie for all of us.

- How did you know
the ending?

- Oh, yeah, sorry.
I-I mean...

I saw it in my head...
just now.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh! Uh-oh!
Kel's gonna throw up!

- No, no, no,
no, no, Pop.

That's the face Kel makes

when he's going
into his psychic trance.

Tell them what
you see, psychic.

- I see...

your mama...

and your daddy...

with the name...

"Snuggle Butt."

- [dish clatters]

- My goodness.
- Who is Snuggle Butt?

- That's the name I used
to call your father

when he and I first
started dating.

How'd he know that?

- I don't know.
What else do you know?

- I know...

that you...

like older boys.

- What?!

- I mean, Kyra likes
older boys.

- Oh.
- Right, Kyra?

- Right, Kel.
- That's right.

- Anything else you see?

- I see...

your mama...

runnin'...

across...

a college...

streaking!
- SHERYL: [gasps]

All right, you stop
seeing that right now!

- Run, girl!

- Mama, what's streaking?

- I'll tell you
that in ten years.

Come on, let's go.

- ROGER:
Holy smokes.

- What?
- I wanna talk to you.

Uh, wait, Kel's having
a psychic vision.

- I'm having a vision.

I see something.

- That's your hand.

- Dad, please!
Let the psychic focus.

- Shhhh...

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- I see...

Kenan...

at school...

nearly...ow!

No, y'all!

Some sort of accident.

- Accident? When?

- It's not clear!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Some time at school
in the next week.

- Oh, yeah?

There's not gonna
be any accident

if Kenan isn't at school.
- Right.

- Kenan, you oughta
stay home from school

for the next eight days.
- Mm-hm.

- But, Mother!
- No buts.

And, today, no school.
That is final.

- All right, now,
let's get outta here.

That boy's giving me
the willies.

- Hey, hey,
don't be streakin'.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Yeah!
- Great, man!

Can you believe it?
- KEL: [laughing]

- No school for eight days!

- Hey, hey,
that was kinda fun.

- Yeah, and that's
just the beginning.

See? Now it's time
to fool the world.

- [laughing, stops laughing]
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Triplets!

You're triplets!

- Yeah. So?

- There's three of you.

- Right. Most triplets
do come in sets of three.

- TRIPLETS:
Duh!

- Why have you come?

- We came here to buy
potato chips.

- And dip.

- What...what do
you know about me?

- So far, just that
you're a big weirdo.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Wait! Don't you
want to hurt me?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- [telephone rings]

- Rigby's.

Huh?

Really?

Kel, it's the
Kevin Conway Show.

They're calling me back.
- No way.

- Uh, yes, uh-huh.

I'm his best friend
and manager, Kenan.

His name is Kel Kimble.

Right.

Are you kidding?

He's the best psychic
you've ever seen.

Well, he reads minds and he
can predict the future.

Next week?

Sure. We're there.
Ha. Ha.

Yes!

- Well?

- We're gonna be on
the Kevin Conway Show, man.

- BOTH:
[laughing, cheering]

- I don't wanna be on
the Kevin Conway Show.

- What? Kel?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- You're gonna be
great, man.

- Please don't
make me go on TV.

[sobbing]

- Will you stop
blubberin'.

- I need to blubber.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Please don't make me.
- What is your problem?

- My problem?
Here's one.

I'm not a psychic.

Man, I can't
predict the future.

I'm still confused
about the past.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Kel, they're just
gonna talk to you.

You know, chat
about psychic stuff.

- I don't chat well.
- You're gonna be great.

- But I'm gonna be sick!

I'm not doin' it.
- Yes, you are.

- I'm afraid.

- Have I ever given you one
reason not to trust me?

- No.
- Fine.

- You've given me
a thousand reasons.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Name one.

- You talked me into
wearing pantyhose,

you talked me into
tickling that policeman,

you talked me into
getting bat mitzvah'd.

- It's bar mitzvah'd.

- You talked me into
drinking fish grease.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Ahhhhh!

- You talked me into
selling my kidney.

You talked me into gluing
myself to the train.

Remember that?

- Oh, yeah, you ran
pretty fast.

- I had to.

- Kel, you're goin' on
the Kevin Conway Show.

- Don't make me go, man.

- Open your heart.

- I'm not doin' it.
- You're goin' on the show.

- No, no, I'm not
doin' it.

- [show music]

- You've heard about 'em,
you've marveled at them,

you may have even called
one for $ . a minute.

Now you're gonna
meet one live.

Today's show--Psychics!

- TV AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Now, before we bring
out our psychic,

let's learn a little
bit about him.

Say hello to his best friend

and personal manager,
Kenan Rockmore!

Hey, Kenan.
- TV AUDIENCE: [applauding]

- Hey there, Kevin.
How're you doing?

- Now, Kenan, you first
contacted our staff

about Kel, didn't you?

- I most certainly
did, Kevin.

As the Amazing Kel's
personal manager

and best friend,

I thought it was
about that time

that the Amazing Kel shared his
psychic gifts with the world.

- I've seen it,
myself, Kevin.

He is amazing.
He knew I was on a diet.

He knew our phone
was going to ring,

and he even knew
who was calling.

- TV AUDIENCE:
Ooooh...

- And he knew that she
used to run around naked.

- BOTH AUDIENCES:
[laughing]

- Hush, Kyra.

And, Kevin, he also knew
about my husband's cavities.

- Excuse me?

- My teeth, Kevin.
- Oh.

- I have three cavities and
somehow Kevin knew about it.

- Was there any way Kel could
have found out about it?

- No. I told no one.

- I have always known
Kel was special.

- And you are?

- I'm Kyra Rockmore,

and I have known Kel ever
since I was a young girl.

He is so fine.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Well, that's terrific.

Now, also on our panel,
we have "Ezekiel,"

who has asked that
we hide his real identity.

- Yes, please.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Ezekiel, what do you
know about Kel?

- Uh...
[clears throat]

Kel knew that I dream
of being att*cked

by giant bunnies.

- BOTH AUDIENCES:
[laughing]

- It's not funny!
They're huge, I tell you!

Feet the size of a barn door!
They're big!

- Easy. Easy.
Ezekiel. Okay.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Are you folks ready
to meet a real psychic?

- TV AUDIENCE:
Yeah!

- Are you sure?
- TV AUDIENCE: Yeah!

- Well, let's bring
him out.

Ladies and gentlemen,
put 'em together

for the so-called
Amazing Kel Kimble!

- TV AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Kel Kimble!

- TV AUDIENCE:
[applauding]

- Hey, man, what
you doing? Hey!

Back up far back, y'all.
Back up, boy.

Woo!

- How are you doing, Kel?

- Oh, what's up, Kevin?

- You're the psychic.
You tell me. Huh?

- TV AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Now, Kel, I understand
you read people's minds,

predict the future,
that kind of thing.

- KENAN:
Yes.

- I was asking Kel.

Now, Kel, when did
you first realize

you had psychic power?

- Last Wednesday.

- Yeah.

Was there anything unusual
about your childhood?

- Well...once
when I was six,

I ate caterpillars.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Uh, Kel. I think
he means that

when you were a kid,

did you ever accidentally
hit your head?

- Huh?

Oh, yes, many times.

- I'll tell you what.
Let's cut to the chase.

Kel, are you
really a psychic?

- Yes!

- I was talking to Kel.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Yes?

- Well, next, we're gonna
put our guest to the test.

And we're gonna find out if
Kel Kimble is a real psychic,

or a big, lyin' faker.

We'll be right back.

- TV AUDIENCE:
[applauding]

- [nose boings]

- Welcome back.
It's time to test the psychic.

Now, Kel, one of
these buttons

is connected to
this green light right here.

You pick the right button and
the green light will go on.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Now, the rest
of the buttons

are connected to
your friends over there.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- If you pick
the wrong button,

then, well,
some of your friends

are gonna get a very
loud noise in their ear.

- What?!

- Relax, Kenan.

A real psychic will know
the right button to push.

It's all up to you,
Amazing Kel.

- [nervous laugh/cry]

- Um...
- [button clicks]

- ROGER:
[gasping]

- Wait, wait, I didn't
mean to push that one.

I think it's this one.
- [button clicks]

- ROGER:
[gasping, groaning]

- Oh, wow, man!

- I don't wanna k*ll them.
- [button clicks]

- Oh!

- [gasping]

- ALL: [gasping,
groaning, yelping]

- KENAN: That's it!
That's it! That's it!

- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

- What?
- I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?

- I'm not a psychic!

I'm just a child!

- You're just a child.

Here I come and get
you for messing up--

Oh, player,
you're not allowed--

You're supposed
to be my boy.

Ow! This coulda worked.

Ow! Ow! Ow, man! Ow!

I'ma b*at you--ow!

Daddy--ow!

He hurt me, Daddy.

- We'll be right back.

- TV AUDIENCE:
[applauding]

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Wow, all right.

- All right. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

- Who had fun tonight?

- AUDIENCE:
Me!

- All right, all right.

- See? See? See?
I knew that.

- All right, enough, man.

Everybody knows there's
no such thing as psychics.

- Are you sure?
- Of course, I'm sure.

- 'Cause, see, I've got
this weird feeling

that you're gonna come up with
some new, crazy new idea.

- That's ludicrous, man.

How you figure I'm just
gonna come up with a--

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- What, Kenan?

- I got an idea.

- Oh, Kenan, stop, man.
I'm just--

- Hey, it's gonna
be fine.

All we need is a raccoon
and some fruit juice.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Kenan. Kenan.
- Follow me, bro.

- What you talking
about, man?

Kenan, raccoons don't
even drink fruit juice.

Kenan. Kenan.

Aww, here it goes!

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- ♪

- Why?!

- "Kenan & Kel" was recorded
in front of a live audience