01x06 - The Cold w*r

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into somethin' fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ Because they're always
gettin' caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here it go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪

Man, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Y'all are so kind.

So, so kind.

Anyway, I'm kenan,

And this is kel.

And we would like

To welcome y'all

To the show.

Achoo!

Bless you.

Thanks, thanks.

Like I was saying,
tonight's show

Is about the fact
that we was going--
me and kel--

[Blowing noisily]

See, it's gonna be
a terrific show.

[Coughing]

Kel! Man, what is
wrong with you?

I got a cold.

Well, do you mind
if we get through
this introduction

And begin the fine
television program?

I don't know.
My throat hurts.

You got any mouthwash
on you?

Mouthwash?!

Oh, yeah. There you go.

You got any cool mint?

Cool mint?

Oh. That better?

Thanks.

All right.

[Gargling]

Audience: euw!

All right.

Whoo! That's better.
Tonight's show
is all about--

Ha ha! You don't know

What tonight's show
is all about.

Yes, I do.

I don't think so!

But you're about
to find out.

Ha ha ha ha.

Ke--kenan? Kenan!

Kenan! It is not good
to keep secrets.

Kenan, that's rude!

Kenan? Ke...?
Oh, here it goes!

Come on, man. Hurry up
with the cantaloupe.

I'm coming.

Here's the cantaloupe.

[Sniffs]

Ho ho!

Is that a good one?

Yes. Hand me the drill.

Yeah.

Strike! Yes!

My turn.

Achoo!

Who sneezed? Who sneezed?

Kel sneezed.

Hand me a can
of disinfectant quickly!

Sorry, chris, but I just
got this cold...

[Coughing]

Oh, now he's coughing!

Chris, what is your problem?

Germs!
Germs are my problem!

Don't you realize
that in one sneeze,

A human spews out
over , germs!

, ...

[Sneezes]

Out! Get out of here!
Get away from where I am!

Get out! Abscond with you!
Away with you!

But I got no place else
to go!

Go!

Chris, why are you
acting all germaphobic?

I am trying to run
a business here.

I cannot afford
to have my items
all germy.

Who impaled my melon?

Uh...what you mean?

Well, it's all
full of holes. I...

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Evening, everybody.

Hi, honey.

Ooh, it is cold in chicago.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm. Something smells good.

Your daughter's
making dinner.

How come?

'Cause, pop. You understand
what I'm saying?

A child needs to have
responsibilities

So they won't grow up
and become all lazy.

Pop, hand me the remote.

Dinner's served.

Get up!

I'm starved.

Ooh, let's go.

So, kyra,
what's for dinner?

Macaroni and cheese.

Ooh, sounds good.ooh, sounds good.

Here you go, daddy.

Oh, that looks
interesting.

Kyra, honey, this doesn't look
like macaroni and cheese.

Doesn't smell
like macaroni
and cheese.

It doesn't even feel
like macaroni and cheese.

Well, we were out
of cheese.

Kyra, I'm no expert,

But isn't cheese
a major ingredient
of macaroni and cheese?

Kyra, sweetie,
if you didn't use cheese,

What did you use?

Pork fat.

And then I added mustard
to make it yellow.

See, that's y'all's child.

She's fine. You did
wonderful, darling.

Hey, hey, everybody.

Hey, boy.

Ooh. Macaroni and cheese.
Is there any for me?

All: have mine.

Mmm-mmm. Uh-oh!

Achoo!

Oh, man!

Kel, are you sick?

I'm coming down
with this real bad cold.

Then why'd you come over here?

My family didn't want me
at my house,

Getting everybody all sick.

That's it! Out!

Roger.

That boy's gotta go.
I can't afford
to get sick.

I have to work tomorrow.

You work on saturdays?

Yes. Airplanes land
on saturdays too.

And air traffic controllers

Have to be alert,
not sick.

Don't worry,
mr. Rockmore.

I don't think
I'm contagious.

Achoo!

Come on.

Kenan, how you gonna
get rid my cold?

You're gonna take
some medicine.

But your mother already
gave me phlegm-away,

Throat lube,
and shaggy flush.

Those medicines
don't work.

Plug in that food
processor there.

O.k.

What you gonna do
with this?

I'm gonna make you
some medicine.

No! Please.

Relax. Relax.
All right.

Kenan, what do you know
about making cold medicine?

You're about
to find out.

Ha ha ha. Let's start
it off with--

Let's start with...
Some chicken.

Chicken.

Why chicken?

'Cause they always
give you chicken soup
when you're sick,

So chicken's gotta
be good for you.

Oh.

Kenan, that's fried chicken.

Oh, fried, smied.

Chicken. Chicken.
Chicken. Chicken.

Oh, chicken.

Then we'll add
some cough drops.

Cough drops
for your throat.

And some eggs.

Why eggs?

They're the children
of the chicken.

Oh.

Put the eggs in there
and some sardines.

Kenan, I don't think--

Hey! You ever seen
a sardine with a cold?

Not recently.

I rest my case.

All right. Now we throw
some hot sauce in there,

'Cause you know
we love hot sauce.

Some marshmallows
and some mustard.

Lebanese mustard,
that is.

And some pickle juice.
Yeah, pickle juice.

Now we need
some vitamin c.

Oranges! Yeah, oranges.

Hey, kenan. How about
some orange soda?

Oh, no, man.

But kel loves orange soda.

True.

Mm-hmm.

I do, I do, I do,
I do-oooh.

Oh. Oh, all right.

Cool. Yeah,
let it marinate.
Soda, soda.

All right. Cool.

Now put our top
back on here.

Watch out, now.

Oh! Oh, yeah!

♪ Fa la la la la,
la medicine ♪

♪ La medicine ♪

♪ Fa la la la,
la medicine ♪

♪ La medicine ♪♪

[Coughing]

Oh, o.k. Drink some.
All right. Cool.

Then we pour it
in here, like so.

Oh, yeah. You're gonna
love this.

Oh, look. Ah, yeah.
Look at that. Cool.

Drink it.

No.

Drink it.

I'm just a boy.drink it.

It's gonna taste bad.drink it now!

Yeah, k*ll it.
That's right.

Come on, k*ll it.
There. There.

Well?

Tastes like chicken.

[Burp]

[Rooster crows]

[Music plays]

Tv: firm, people,
firm, firm, firm.

Firm, firm, firm.
Buttocks, buttocks,
buttocks!

Yeah, who wants
firm buttocks?
You do!

Swing your butts,
and move and twist...

Kel.

What's up?

What happened
to your cold?

I don't know,
but I feel great.

I was just firming
my buttocks.

Wait a minute, man.

You mean you're not
sick anymore?

Nope.

You're all better?

Never felt this good.

Kel! Do you know
what this means?

That you want
to give me a hug?

Oh, I've been waiting
for this. I love you.

No, freak show!

It means that I've invented
a cure for the common cold!

I'll be famous.
Nobody's ever been able

To cure the common
cold before!

I might win the nobel prize.

What's the nobel prize?

I have no idea!

But it's gotta be
something good, though.

Kenan rockmore,
inventor of the cure
for the common cold.

Kel kimball,
a guy who knows
kenan rockmore.

Yeah!

All right, where's the rest
of my cold medicine?

[Coughing]

What happened
to this kitchen?

Kyra.

Thanks for making
me sick, kel.

Oh, pop, you caught
kel's cold.

You look bad.

Yeah, I feel bad.

My head aches,
my throat hurts,

And my nose
is full of goo.

Well, pop,
your troubles
are over.

Kel's moving to australia?

[Sarcastically]
oh, kel's moving
to austr...

Nope.

But I can cure
your cold.

I gotta get to the airport.

Hey, hey,
look. Here.

What is it, son?
I don't have time.

Just take it with you.

It'll clear up your cold
in no time.

It's tasty, too.

Fine. Kenan,
I'll see you tonight.

Kel, think about australia.

Bye, pop.

Good day, mate.

Rockmore residence.

Chris: kenan, kel...

Hey, what's up, chris?

[Coughing]
come down here at once.

I got a cold.

Oh, yeah, my pop caught
his cold too.

But today...quit...

[Coughing]

All right. I'll be
at work in half
an hour.

You have to go
to work?

I thought you
had the day off.

I did, till you had
to give chris

Your nasty head cold.

Kenan's cold remedy.
Shall we?

[Coughing]

What? What do you want?

I want to buy this juice.

Oh, juice. Good idea.
Juice.

But, sir. I wanted
to buy that juice.

[Coughing]

Chris?what's up?

Oh. Oh, no,
not him! Out!

Easy, chris.
Kel's all better.

It's impossible.

He just had
a cold yesterday.

Hada cold.

Not anymore.

I invented
this new cold medicine.

Kel took some,
and his cold went away
in a few hours.

Oh, malarkey.

We don't know what
malarkey means,

But you should really
try this stuff.

Yeah, like I'm really
gonna try some wacky
cold remedy

You two clowns invented.

Clowns?! We're not clowns.

Man, are we cl...

Would you quit that,
you clown?!

Now, look, chris.
Just try it,
all right?

It'll make you
feel better.

Gimme.

Mmm. Tastes
like chicken.

[Burp]

You'll feel better
real soon.

Well, I hope so,
'cause I have

To take my mother
to the clinic...

[Yawns]

To the clinic
later, so...

She lipiluid
dig the llama
llama looper.

Dig the looper?

Dig the llama
llama looper?

[Thud]

Chris!

Chris! Hey, man,
what's wrong?!

I'm sleepy boy.
Sleepy, sleepy boy.

What is wrong with him?

He's a sleepy boy.

Yeah, but why is he
a sleepy boy?

Did the stuff
make you all tired?

No, but...

Ah, nap. I take nap.

Do you realize
what this means?

He's a verysleepy boy.

No, loony!

It means you screwed up
my cold cure!

How'd I screw it up?

You told me
the wrong ingredients.

Now all it does
is knock people out.

Are you sure?

Does this man
look awake?

Does he look perky?

You changed the formula.

Wait...

It's gonna be real funny

When your daddy
tries some at work.

[Shrilly shriek]
pop!

Oh, man!

What's the big deal?

My father's
an air traffic
controller!

So?

The man lands airplanes!

And when a man
lands airplanes,

It would help
if he was conscious!

Would you want this man
landing your airplane?

Not really.

I didn't think so.
Come on.

Where are we going now?

To the airport.

[Coughs]

Cesna -romeo,
turn right to .

You're cleared
to , feet.

Attention , intercept
the ils runway.

Right,
cleared for approach.

Rog, I gotta take
a snack break.

I got a hankering
for a burrito.

You want something?

No, I got a cold.

All right, feel better.

Thanks, carol.

Pop!

Mr. Rockmore!

What are you boys
doing here?

Oh, thank goodness.
We thought that

Maybe you'd already
drank my cold cure.

I did.

How do you feel?

Fair, I guess.

[Beeping]

Oops! Hold on a second.

Cesna -romeo,
turn right to .

You're cleared
to , feet.

Roger, control.

You yelled at me
for nothing.

You saw what happened
to chris.

I think you owe me
an apology.

Apology?
You were the one

That forgot half
the ingredients.

I forgot
all the ingredients.

See? I'm the
creative one.

All you had to do
was remember.

You almost wrecked
everything.

So it's my fault?

Yes. Why don't we
ask my pop?

Control tower,
this is cesna -romeo.

Hello?

Control tower?

Aaaagggghhhhh!

Pop, wake up!
Wake up!

I'm afraid
he's a sleepy boy too.

Hush, man.
This is bad.

Help me get him up.

Boy, that's a heavy man.

Help! Help,
he's squishing me!

I got him.
All right, pop. Sit.

There. O.k.
Now, get some water.

Good idea.

Pop! Come on, pop.

[Slapping]

Pop!

Not for you!
Fill up another cup!

Pop, come on. Wake up!
Work with me, pop!

Thank you, thank you.

Forgive me, father.

Pop!

Did it do anything?

No! Now he's just asleep
and moist.

Control tower,
please respond.

Control tower,
do you copy? Hello.

Would you just
wait a minute, please?

Thank you.

Wow! Would you look
at the view from up here?

Man.

Will you forget
the view, ninny?

View my daddy.
I'm gonna get
some more water.

Do something.

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Stop slapping my daddy.

Oh, my hand hurts.

Control tower,
we're approaching fast.

Please answer.

We're gonna have
to land that plane
ourselves.

But, kenan, you don't know

How to tell
an airplane to land.

So! We gotta
do something, man.

Sit down.

Uh, hello? Airplane?

Control tower,
where have you been?

Busy!

Yeah. We had to tinkle.

Tinkle. Yeah.
So what's up with you?

I'd like to land,

If that's
not too much
trouble for you.

You wanna land here
in chicago?

Yes, here in chicago.

Um, well maybe you
should just keep going.

You know,
maybe visit nebraska.

Nebraska?

Yeah. I hear it's lovely
this time of year.

Look, I'm landing here
in chicago.

I need a heading
and a vector

And guide clearance
to the runway.

Do you have me
on radar?

Probably.

Probably?! Do you
see me on radar,
or don't you?

Um...we're trying to.
Uh, we're trying.

I--i--i'm not sure.

Oh! Oh, yes. I see you.

Well, what are
your instructions?

Um...um...

Jump!!!!!!

Jump?!!!!!

Jump?!

Jump!!!!!

Well, you heard 'em.
Let's jump.

Man, let me tell you
something.

I ain't jumping
outta no plane.

Well, I am. I gotta be
in chicago tonight.

I got tickets
to the bulls game.

That's fine,
but I ain't jumping.

What are you
gonna do then?

I'm heading to nebraska.

Oh, what's happening?
Where am i?

Ow, my face hurts!

Pop, pop. Get up, pop!

What's going on?
Oh, I gotta land
that plane!

Uh, pop? You might not
have to land the plane.

Why not?

He jumped out?!!!!

Why?!!!!

Um...

Where'd the plane go?

Nebraska!

Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.

Well, that's our show.

Who had a good time?

[Cheering]

Yeah. Go, go.
All right.

Yeah, I'm just sorry

You couldn't remember
the formula

For your
cold medicine.

Cold medicine?
Who cares about that?

I thought you cared.

No, no, man.

If you cure
the common cold,

You never get
to stay home
from school,

You never get to get
out of gym class,

And your parents
never have

To wait on you
hand and foot.

Yeah, and all
those nice people

In the tissue business
would lose their jobs.

Yeah. Besides,
say hello to kenan's
new sleep enhancer.

Sleep enhancer?
No, bro.

Yeah! One dose
and you'll sleep
like a cactus.

You heard me right!

Sleep like a cactus.

Ha ha ha ha ha.
Yeah.

Kenan? Kenan, come back.

Hey, I'm not ready
for yet another adventure.

Kenan. Cactuses
don't even sleep,

You know, as far as I know.

Kenan? Oh, here it goes.