02x07 - Ditch Day Afternoon

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- Aww, here it goes.

- ♪

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys and home girls
it's time for Kenan & Kel ♪

♪ They keep you laughin'
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So, don't touch that dial
or leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
into something fun ♪

♪ You don't wanna miss it, it's
double K like good radius ♪

♪ Kenan & Kel
or should I say Kel & Kenan ♪

♪ You gotta watch Kenan
'cause Kenan be schemin' ♪

♪ With a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ They kinda in the middle
'cause always gettin' caught ♪

♪ This ain't the Hardy Boys
or a Nancy Drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just Kenan & Kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like Siegfried & Roy
or Abbott & Costello ♪

♪ Magic & Kareem
or Penn & Teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble

♪ Aw, here it goes

♪ On Nick Ni Nick Nick,
Ni Nick Nick Nick ♪♪

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen!
- Boys and girls

- And everybody
in between.

- Welcome to
the one and only--

- "Kenan & Kel Show"!

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Yeah, yeah.

- Show Kenan you love him!
- Do you love me?

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Show Kel that you care.

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- All right, now, tonight

we've got a real special
show for y'all.

I'm talkin' about adventures,
peculiar situations,

hazardous waste--
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- --corn on the cob,
chicken 'n ribs, chips.

- Nope, nope, na, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope!

- What do you mean
by nope?

- I mean that tonight's show is
gonna be a little bit different.

- And, uh, how so?

- [laughing]

So, in tonight's show,
Kenan and Kel

will not be getting
in any trouble.

We're not goin' on
any crazy adventures.

We're not gettin' mixed
up in any crazy schemes.

We're not usin'
hazardous waste,

and best of all,
I already said it,

we're not gettin'
in any trouble!

[laughing]
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Wait, wait, wait.
Now hold the phone there.

Now who told you all
that nonsense, Fluffy?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Hey, brother, it says
it right here...

in my new contract.
[laughing]

Yeah, that's right,
that's right.

See? It says right there,
in paragraph two, section B,

"Kenan and Kel will
not be getting in

any trouble in any way."

- Oh, man. I see it.
- KEL: [laughing]

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.

- Kel, there's just
one problem, man.

- What?

- See? Troublesome
situations equals funny,

and we want the show to
be funny, don't we, baby?

- No-o-o-o-o!
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Yes, we do.
- Pffft!

But it says right there
in my contract that--

- Oh, yeah, I see it.
I see the contract.

Virgil, balloon, please.

- Balloon?
- Thank you.

- No, thank you.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Man, what you
doin' with my--

No. Listen. But--
- Oh. Oh. Hey, up.

- My mama had to type that
and you don't--

- Bye-bye, contract!
- Awwwww!

Hello, nervous breakdown.

Nerves is breakin'.
Nerves is breakin'.

Ohhhhh!
- Come on, Kel.

See? Now we can get into
all the trouble that we want to.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ha. Ha. Ha.

Time for wackiness.
Come on, Pufnstuf.

Woo!

- Kenan! Come on, man!
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Why are we always
gettin' in trouble?

Kenan, must we gettin' into
trouble yet again?

I mean, can't we just
have one wacky-free show?

Kenan, Kenan, I'll give
you a dollar to come back.

I'll give you
a dollar to come back.

Kenan!
Awwwwwwwww!

Here it goes!

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- [door slams]

- [nasally]
Morning, Kenan.

- [nasally]
Morning, Janet.

- Did you do your
Spanish homework,

or was your mommy
too busy to help you?

- Well, obviously,
your mommy

was too busy to help
you take a bath.

Stinky!

Ugh.

- [bell rings]

- Hola, class.

- STUDENTS:
Hola, Miss Kaso.

- Today, we're
going to learn

how to order
Chinese food in Spanish.

For instance--
- [door slams]

- Kel, do you realize
you're late for class?

- Oh, yes.
Thanks, Miss Kaso.

- Don't thank me.

I wanna know
why you're late.

- Oh, well, Kenan wanted me
to stop by his locker and, uh,

you know, well...
here's your Nintendo.

- Nintendo?
- It's a video game.

And video games
are against school rules.

- [nasally]
Oh, I get it.

Video games are
against school rules.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

- Miss Kaso, he's not supposed
to have that in class.

- And you're not
supposed to have

that big old pimple
on your forehead,

but look at you.

- Kenan.

- No habla inglés.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Well, since you
broke the rules,

you can plan on
singing a Spanish song

for the entire class
on Friday.

- KEL:
[laughing]

- You, too,
Mr. Tardy Pants.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on now, Miss Kaso.

Now Friday's a half
a day at school.

It's supposed to be like
a fun day for us children,

right, children?

- Hearing you and Kel
sing in Spanish

sounds like
a fun day to me.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- STUDENTS:
[applauding]

- [castanets clicking]

- Kenan, I need you to
put these cans of fish tarts

on the shelves, pronto.
- Right away, boss.

Boy, please.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Hey, Kenan, I found
a great Spanish song

we can sing together.

- I don't wanna sing
a Spanish song.

- Come on, Kenan,
check it out.

- ♪

- What are you, dancing, or is
that a raccoon in your pants?

- Aw, come on, Kenan.

- [Spanish lyrics]

- I don't wanna--

Would you just cut it--
I don't--

Oh, all right.

- [castanets clicking]

- Yeah, Kenan!
Do it, baby!

[fluttering tongue]

Da! Da! Da! Da! Da!
Da! Da! Da!

- [music stops]

- [mumbling]

- What is all
the hullabaloo?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- BOTH:
♪ Hullabaloo

- You know what I mean.

- Well, Kel and I have
to sing a song

in Spanish class
on Friday.

- Oh, Friday.
Don't mention Friday.

Friday is inventory day.

- Inventory day?

- [sighs] I have
to count and list

every item in
the entire store.

It's gonna take
me all day.

- Oh, sorry I can't be
here all day to help,

but I've got school
and all, you know?

- Wait a minute.

Friday's a half day
of school.

- Friday is half
a day at school?

- Yeah, Kenan can help
you with inventory. Yeah.

That's cool. Cool.

- Oh, great. Then I can expect
you to come to work early.

Uh, come here by noon.

- Yeah, noon, all right.
That's good.

Thanks a lot, amigo.

- Hey, de nada.

- ♪

- [castanets clicking]

- Man, this Friday's gonna be
the worst day of my life.

- How come?

- Because, Urkel...

we've gotta
sing a song

in front of the entire
Spanish class,

and then to finish off
the rest of my sad Friday,

I've gotta help Chris count
every item in the store.

Oh, my heart.

A boy shouldn't have
this much stuff in his life.

- KYRA:
[coughing]

- Ooh, what's
wrong with you?

- I don't know.
I feel kinda of funny.

- Hi, boys. Hey, Kyra.

- Hi, Mom.
[coughing]

- Oh, Kyra.
You sound awful.

Child, you are burning up.

You get right up
into your bed.

No school for you
for the rest of the week.

- Oh, that poor baby.

- Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
- Kenan!

Why must you have that
mischievous look on your face?

- Hey, Kel.
- No.

- You and I are feeling
kinda sick, too.

You know that that means?
- K-Kenan.

- You and I are
taking Friday off.

The whole day!

We gon' ditch school
and ditch work.

- Oh...

- Don't say, "Oh..."

It'll be fun.

- The last time you said
we were gonna have fun,

I ended up butt naked
in the zoo.

- That was the first time
I ever heard a giraffe giggle.

[laughing]

- But--but, Kenan--

- Look, we're ditchin'
on Friday

and that's all
there is to it.

- Oh.

[laughing]
You ready for school?

- It's Friday. We're not
going to school, remember?

- Ohhhh...I was hoping
you'd forgot.

You're gonna get us
in trouble yet again.

- We are not gonna
get in trouble.

I've got it all
figured out.

- I can't read it.

- See? First, I wrote
a note to school.

"Please excuse Kenan
from school today.

"He has a bad earache.

"And please do not
call him at home

"because the phone ringing

"will cause his ear
to ache further.

Hugs and kisses,
Roger Rockmore."

There.

- All right,
but what about me?

- Oh, no problem.

Um..."P.S., Kel has
an infected...tongue."

- What? Nah, you
can't write that.

- Shhh! Why not?

- Oh, I don't want
Miss Kaso to think

my tongue's all fungus-y.

- Oh, please.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- [pounding on door]

- Ah, here he is now.
- Who? Who? Who? Who?

- I'm from Turtle
Messenger Service.

Someone here called
for a messenger.

- Shhhhh!

Yeah. Take this note to Room
at Capone High School.

- Hey, I went to
Capone, too.

Are you guys
ditchin' school?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Yeah, how'd you know?

- Oh, I used to ditch
all the time, man.

And now I'm a messenger.
- Well, that's nice. Bye.

- [door slams]

- Now I call Chris.

- [phone buttons beeping]

- [clears throat]

Hey, Chris--
I mean--[coughs]

[weak voice]
Hey, Chris.

Yeah, it's Kenan, right.

I'm sick. Yeah,
I'm real sick.

[coughs]

Yeah, I can't make
it into work today.

I'm not even
going to school.

Yeah, I'm sorry
I couldn't help you

count every item
in the store.

Oh! I've gotta go.
I'm sick.

- You boys better hurry
and get to school.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Off to school we go.

[laughing] School.
That's where we're going.

Bye.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Wait a minute, Kenan.

I thought you said
we weren't going to school.

Remember, we've got--

[screaming]

Ow!

- Today, we're going to
learn why French people

don't speak Spanish.

That is, after Kenan
and Kel sing for us.

Uh, where are
Kenan and Kel?

- They're tardy.

Or, as they say
in Mexico...

Ellos están tarde.

- Are you Miss Kaso?

- Yes.

- Here you go.

It's from Kenan and Kel.

They're "sick."

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- An infected tongue?
- Yeah.

- KENAN: See? I've got
the whole day planned out.

As soon as we get
some cash,

we'll head straight down
to the arcade.

Then we'll go see that movie
"Pork Chop m*ssacre."

- Kenan, I don't know
about this, man.

We're gonna get caught.
I know we're gonna get caught.

I know it, I know it,
I know it.

- Will you relax.
Nobody's gonna know it, man.

This is gonna be
the best day ever.

- Okay, nobody move!
This is a robbery!

- [squealing]

- [guard thuds]

- I told you we should
have gone to school!

- Okay, everyone in
the corner! Move! Move!

- Move! Move!

- Well, we got to
be going now.

Y'all have
a nice robbery.

- Get in the corner
and close your mouth!

- [squealing]

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Now nobody panic.

We just wanna get the money
and get outta here fast.

- You two.
- Us?

- Get behind the counter
and fill these bags with cash.

- Actually,
Mr. Robber, sir,

see, we're not supposed
to be here right now.

Actually, we're supposed
to be in school,

so, we'll just
get out your way and--

- Do it!
- Ow. All right.

- Hey, Mr. Robber,
do you want us to collect

everybody's wallets
and jewelry and stuff, too?

- CROWD:
[angry shouting]

- Yeah, yeah,
that's good.

- You!
- Who? Moi?

- Yeah, you, collect
everyone's stuff.

Money, watches,
everything. Move!

- All right.

I'm sorry about this.
I'm very--

- What's with your friend?

- Well, he's traumatized
by the robbery.

- All right, now,
I'm gonna separate this

into two even stacks.

Now I don't want one of
you guys to get ripped off.

- Just put the money
in the bag!

- Will you hurry it up!
- All right, I'm hurrying.

Whew, man,
it's hot in here.

- AUDIENCE:
Ohhh...

- [fan blades whirring]
- Oh, yeah, that's it.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Turn off the fan!

Turn off the fan!

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

- Get out of the way!
- I'm trying!

- Turn it off!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Sorry. Uh,
I was overheated.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- [police siren wailing]

- Oh, crud, the cops!
The cops are here!

Tons of 'em!

- MALE OFFICER ANNOUNCING:
We've got the bank surrounded!

Come out with
your hands up, please!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Kel, not you! They're
talking to the robbers.

- Oh!

- We ain't comin' out!

- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
You ain't?

I mean, it's such
a lovely day outside.

- Close your
stinking trap, punk!

- Well!

- Okay, people, it looks
like we're gonna

be here for a long time.

- CROWD:
[mixed complaints]

- I told you
we should have gone to school.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- ♪

- KYRA:
[sighing]

- Hm, how are you
feeling, Kyra?

- I think I need...
ice cream.

- ROGER: [laughing]
- Kyra, please.

- MALE REPORTER:
We interrupt this program

for a special report.

A situation is unfolding
at the Fleeting Bank.

We're here live where
two would-be robbers

are engaged in
a standoff with police.

- A bank robbery.
- All right.

- I'ma get some popcorn.

- REPORTER: Police have
the bank surrounded

and they don't plan
on going anywhere

until they convince
the bank robbers to surrender.

- STUDENTS:
[mixed comments]

- We still don't know exactly
how many hostages are inside.

- Whoa!

"Hostages" almost rhymes
with "sausages".

- Why are you still here?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh, oh, oh, look,
Kenan, handcuffs.

- Oh, yeah, very nice.
Don't mess with those.

- Oh, man, police,
reporters, news cameras.

This is bad!

- N-N-News cameras?

W-W-W-Wait, this is
on the news live?

- Yeah.

- Oh, no!

- Hey, Kenan,
we're gonna be on TV.

How cool is that?
- Not cool, kumquat!

Hey, we can't
be on TV, man.

We're supposed to
be in school.

- Oh, yeah.

♪ Ba da da da da da

- [handcuffs click]
- Oh!

- Hey! What are you doing?
- Huh?

- Come here!

- Um, now?

- Yeah, now!

- Hey, brother, you ain't
gotta be yellin' now.

- Kel, don't aggravate
the bank robbers.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- [foot thuds]
Oh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh!

- [posts clattering]

- Oh! Oh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Oh!

Oh!
- What are you doing?

- Well, I was--

I was playin' with
the handcuffs and--

and then I got
all discombobulated.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- ROBBERS:
Discombobulated?

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- One potato, two potato,
three potato, four.

- Delivery.
- Oh, not more stuff.

Now I've gotta count
more items.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

- Make Kenan do it.
- I can't.

- Yes, you can.
- I can't.

Kenan called in
sick today.

- Bummer. Big robbery.
- Big robbery?

- Bank. Up the street.
- How do you know?

- TV.
- Oh!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Ah.

[sighs]

- MALE REPORTER:
Police are negotiating

with the robbers to
release the hostages.

- See?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- Wow, this is
so exciting.

- Yeah. I haven't been
this excited in years.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- Sign my thing.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- OFFICER ANNOUNCING:
Release the hostages

and we won't b*at you.
- CROWD: Yes.

- I think we oughta let
all these people go.

- CROWD:
Yes!

- No, don't release us.
- What?

- Why?
- Why?

- Have you lost
your teenaged mind?

- Kel, we can't go
out there, man.

We'll be all over
the television.

Then everybody'll know
we ditched school.

- Oh, yeah. Please,
don't make us leave.

- Actually, sir,
um, excuse me?

See? What you
wanna do...

you don't wanna
let us all go.

- We don't?

- No. If you do that,
you might as well just give up.

- Maybe we should
just give up.

- No, never!
I'm sorry.

I-I mean, you should
release all the hostages

except me and Kel.
See? That way--

- CROWD: Yes! Yes!

- --that way,
by keeping us here,

then, um, see...

you're showing the police
that you're nice guys,

but you mean business.

You see what
I'm sayin'?

- You know,
the kid makes sense.

Okay. Except you
and your goofball friend,

everyone out!
- Come on!

- [excited hooting]
- CROWD: [screaming]

- KENAN: Oh!
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- It seems that
two brave teenagers

have risked
their own lives

by volunteering to let
the other hostages go.

- That is so rad!

- Yes, it's "rad,"

but why are you
still here?

- Whoa. Easy there,
Aunt Bea.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- MALE REPORTER:
We don't know anything about

these mysterious boys,

just that
they are true heroes.

- Hm...can you believe
two teenaged boys

would risk their lives
to save those people.

- They must be
really brave.

- If you ask me, they're
a couple of life-risking idiots.

- Unh-unh. Well, either way,
it really makes you appreciate

the fact that Kyra
is here safe at home,

and Kenan is safe at school.
[kisses]

- So true. So true.

- We shoulda gone
to school.

- Kel, if you say
that one more time!

- Fine!

But we shoulda.

- Will you two
pipe down!

- Okay, here's a list
of our demands.

We want a million dollars
in unmarked bills.

A million marked bills!

- A car.
- A car!

- Orange soda.
- Or--

- Kel! D-Don't mind him.

- What else?

- What about
a helicopter?

- Oh! Oh, man, come on.
Orange soda. Come on.

- A helicopter!

- Orange soda.
Orange soda, please?

- And some orange soda.

Why do you
want soda?

- Hey, I love
orange soda.

- Is that true?

- Mm-hm.

- ♪ I do, I do, I do,
I do-ooh ♪

- No, no, wait, wait!

Please, don't
hurt him now.

He was dropped
on his head as a child.

- Yes, many times.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- That's what
I figured.

- REPORTER: It seems the robbers
have demanded a car,

a helicopter,
$ million,

and, curiously,
some orange soda.

- Orange soda?

- Sounds like Kel.

- ALL:
[laughing]

[laughter stops]

- I've got a bad
feeling about this.

- All right, look,
we've just gotta

stay cool
and stick this out.

- I wasn't
talking to you!

- Maybe if we give up now,
they'll go easy on us.

- Our parents
won't go easy on us.

- Where's my orange soda?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]

- I'm gonna surrender.
Are you comin' with me?

- Let's go.

- Whoa, whoa, wait,
wait, don't go out there now!

Wait, wait, wait!

- Dude!
- Listen to me!

Y'all can't
give up now.

After all that hard
work and planning,

you're just gonna
let a few...

hundred cops stand between
you and your goal?

Y'all are quitters?

- Have you any
respect for yourselves?

- Would Michael Jordan quit
in the middle of a game?

- Unh, unh, unh, unh!

- Would a fat man quit
in the middle of lasagna?

- Never!

- Would George Washington quit
when his cherry tree

was kidnapped and...
taken to New Zealand?

- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- New Zealand?

- Don't stop me now.
I'm on a roll.

Now you two owe
it to yourselves

to be the best bank
robbers you can be!

What do ya say?

Come on at me.

- You scare me!
- Later!

- Oh, now, what--
Oh, now what?

- New Zealand?

- Look, they're giving
themselves up.

- OFFICER:
It's the robbers!

Grab 'em, boys!

- Oh, man, it was
just gettin' good.

- It looks like this
tense situation is over.

Now we can finally
introduce the nation

to the two brave
teenaged heroes.

- Gosh. Wait.

- Come on, Kel,
we've got to run!

- KEL: [screaming]
- Come on, we've got to run!

We've got to run!

- Kenan!

- ROGER:
[groaning]

- Oh, my!

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing, applauding]

- You said Kenan
was sick.

- He said he was sick!

- You still haven't
signed my thing.

- What?

- It's--it's--

- It's Kenan and Kel.

- Those are
the "sick" dudes.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

STUDENTS:
Oooh...

- What do you heroes
have to say?

- Always go to school.

- Stay in school.

- Never ditch school.

- Ohhhh...

- School is cool.

- I'm sorry, Miss Kaso.

- I'm sorry, Chris.

Sorry, Mama
and Daddy, Kyra.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

[applauding]

[applauding, cheering]

- What you think?

- Well, that was
certainly a close call.

- Close call?

Brother, we got
caught ditchin'

by our teacher, Chris,
and our parents.

That's not
close at all.

- Hey, I was just makin'
conversation, you know?

- Well, try making conversation
that makes sense, okay?

Now we've got
to do the piece--

- ♪ Doo doo doo doo doo

- What is all that?

- Money.
[laughing]

- I see that.
Where did it come from?

- The bank.

I must have
accidentally put it in my pocket

when I was picking it
up off the floor, you know?

You want some?
- No, man!

Get that money away from me.
It's not ours.

It belongs to the bank.

- All right, well, we'll just
take it back to the bank.

- Yeah, you're right,
take it back to the bank.

- But...
- B-But what, Kenan? Nah.

- I've got a great idea
that we can make a lot of money

off of this money
before we return it.

Come on, Kel.
- Oh, man.

- [laughing]
Woo!

- Kenan? Kenan?
You know what?

You know what?
All right, that's it.

I'm puttin' my foot down!
[stamps foot]

See? All right,
all right.

I'm not takin'
this anymore.

I'm not gonna get
caught up in

one of your bad
situations once again.

I tell you, I tell--

Who am I kidding?

Aww, here it goes!

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- ♪

♪

♪

- Why?!