02x04 - The Crush

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes!

♪ Everybody out there,
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys and homegirls
it's time for kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
into something so fun that you
don't want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ And you got to watch kenan
'cause kenan be schemin' ♪

♪ With a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ But they kind of
in the middle 'cause they
always getting caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or a nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble,
ah, here it goes ♪

♪ On nick ni-nick nick
ni-nick nick nick ♪


Thank you
very much!

Word.

Thank you.

This is
the kenan & kel

Television program,

And this cute
little fellow
standing next to me

Goes by the name
of kel!

Yeah. And this huggable
teddy bear to my left

Usually responds
to the name kenan!

Word. Word.

Ok. Tonight before
we begin the show,

We're going to
do something
a little different.

Ooh, we gonna
take a bubble bath?

No, bubble boy!
Not thatdifferent.

Oh.

I'm saying we're
going to take
some questions

From the studio
audience.

Um...

You there.

Yes. I was just wondering,
when you were naming the show,

How did you come up
with the name kenan & kel?

Oh.

Those are our names.

See, his name is kenan,
and mine is kel,

And the name of the show
is kenan & kel.

Wow! What a coincidence.

Ha ha ha!

All right.

Are there
any intelligent
questions out there?

Yes, um, do you two
have girlfriends?

No. No. Not us.

No girlfriends
at the moment.

Why? Is anyone
available?

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

Oh, ok! All right.
All right.
Calm down.

We'll all talk
after the show.
All right.

Um, let me see.
Yeah. You there.

Yeah. I was wondering
if you guys already knew
what was going to happen

In the show
we're about to see.

Um...no. I don't.
Not at all.

I do.

Y-you do? How do you know
and I don't know?

I sneaked into
the producer's office
and read the script.

Tell me, what's
going to happen?

Can't say. Ha ha!
Come along now,
baby. Whoo!

Kenan, you--tell me!
I--i must know!

The suspense
is k*lling me. Kenan!

Oh, here it goes.

Boo!

Man, don't
do that!

How come?

Because I don't like
starting off my day
with a concussion.

Call me unusual.

Hiya, kenan.
Hiya, kel.

[Together]
hiya, janet.

You two certainly
look effervescent
this morning.

Effervescent?

Oh, never mind.

Kel, do you have
the $ . That
you owe me?

Oh, yeah.
It's in my locker.

There you go.

Thanks.
What's up with all
the orange soda?

Oh, I love
orange soda.

Really? I think
orange soda's icky.

You think it's what?

No, no, no, now.
Easy. Easy.
Easy, kel.

I won't tolerate disrespect
for orange soda, now.

[Bell rings]

Well, I'll see
you two in class.

I can't wait
to hear your
book reports.

Book report?

Ooh.

Kel, I called you
last night

And asked you
if our book reports
were due today.

You said, "oh, no, kenan.
I'm positive they're not due
until wednesday."

I guess
I got confused.

You were born
confused!

Must you damage
my ego?

I'll damage
more than that.

Man! What are we
going to do?

Miss loofah's going to
give us zeros.

Oh, hey,
why don't we just
make something up?

Kel, you can't make up
a book report, man.

You got to at least read
a few of the pages, igno!

[Bell rings]

So, kenan, what
did you choose for
your book report?

Oh, mine's on
this book called

Why don't you hush up
and mind your own
business, janet?

Good morning, students.
How's it going?

Um, excuse me.
Where's mrs. Loofah?

Oh. Well, there's been
a little problem.

A--a problem?

Your principal really
should have told you this,

But it seems that
mrs. Loofah has checked into
a mental facility.

Ms. Loofah's
in the nuthouse!

No! No, no.

No, no, no.
It's not a nuthouse...

Exactly.

Well, then what's
wrong with her?

It seems that teaching was just
a little too stressful for her.

Why y'all
looking at me?

In the meantime,
my name is miss horn,

And I'll be teaching the class
for the next few weeks.

Everybody cool with that?

Whatever.

All right. Let's see. Looks like
book reports are due today.

So, who wants to go first?

How about you?

Aah! Oh!

Uh...uh-uh.

Oh, let's go.

Oh, I don't
want to--

Now!

Help me!

No, no, no. Go ahead
and make up something
like you said.

Y-yeah. I'll just
make up something.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm smooth.
Like butter.

Parkay.

All right. Yeah.

Butter.

Um...

Ahem.

Um...

Well, that was
interesting.

I'm prepared to give
my book report,
miss horn.

"I'm janet, and I'm
all prepared, miss horn.
Heh heh heh!"

All right. Come on up.

My report is
on the fascinating book
women better than men,

By margaret gruff.

This important book chronicles
the oppression of women
throughout the ages...

So, when you look
at men and women objectively,

It is more than obvious--
women, better than men.

Thank you!

Oh, yes! Yes, janet.
Thank you.

Thank you.
That was great, honey.

Just next time, try to keep it
under minutes.

Principal dimly.

I found kel outside
hiding in a tree.

Well, thank you
for returning him.

Go sit down, kel.

Sorry.

Ha ha! Ok.

Um, who's ready to go next?

Come on, you guys.

How about you?

Aah!

Who--who--who, me?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, no. No, thank you.
I mean, I'm flattered
that you want me--

Now.

Uh, yeah.
I'm kenan, and...

I like sports, movies,
long walks on the beach...

Spaghetti. How many
of y'all like spaghetti?
Let's see a show of hands.

Kenan, your
book report?

My book report! Right.

My book report
is on a book, and...

What's the name
of the book?

Thank you for asking, kel!

But, uh...the book I chose
is a fine, fine book,
if you will.

I-it's called--

[Bell rings]

Time's up.
Darn my luck.

All right. Now listen up,
you guys.

Everybody who did not give
his book report today will be
prepared to do so tomorrow.

See you guys later.

Hey, wait up, kel.

All right.
See you tomorrow.

But--

Kenan, you didn't have
your book report ready
to give today, did you?

Well, that depends
on what you mean
by ready. I mean--

Uh-uh-uh.
Mm-mmm, kenan.

No, I didn't.
But please don't
give me a zero.

That'll ruin my grade
for the whole semester.

I'm not going to
give you a zero.

I just wanted you
to be honest
with me.

I think
it's important

That we get our
relationship off
on the right foot.

Hey, you got it.
Right foot, left foot,

Any foot that keeps me
from getting a zero.

You just make sure
you have your book
report ready tomorrow.

Oh, I will. I will.

I'll read a whole book,
no matter how painful
it may be.

I'm just playing.

But thank you
for your kindness
and understanding, though.

I'll just be grabbing
my bag here. Uh!

Eh--eh--eh--eh--eh--
eh--eh--eh--uh--uh--

Is something wrong?

Yeah. My back.

I hurt it at rigby's
when I was lifting
something.

I think I pulled
my glutinous backimus
or something like that.

Ok. Wait a minute.
I think I can fix it.

No. It really hurts.

No, no. It's ok.
My father's
a chiropractor.

No. That's his learning,
not yours.

Ok. Cross--come on now.
Cross your arms.

You ready?

I don't know
about all this.

[Back cracking]

Whoo! Oh, oh! Oh.

Oh. Wow.

There. That's
much better.

Thank you very much,
miss horn.

Mm-hmm. You thank me
by having your book report
ready tomorrow.

Oh, I will. I will.
All right.

Kenan, I'm telling you,
I know what I'm
talking about.

You know nothing!

Kenan, miss horn
likes you. I can tell.

You can't even
tell time.

Uh-uh.

Hey, hey, don't
change the subject.

She doesn't
like me.

I saw her put
her arms around you.

She was cracking
my back!

Mm-hmm.

And what did she
say to you before she
"cracked your back"?

Nothing! She was just
talking about how she
wants our relationship--

Oh! Relationship.
Ha ha! See?

Relationship. She wants
to have a relationship
with you. Uh-huh. See?

Kel, hush up!

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

You're going to
have a pepperoni
up your nose

If you don't
quit yapping.

Kenan, I know
females.

She's not a female.
She's a teacher.

And besides,
miss horn is, like,
what, in her s?

She all old.

She can't have
a crush on me.

Hey, guys.

Chris. Man,
would you please
tell this clown

That it's not
possible for a woman
in her s

To like a guy
my age?

It's true.

Thank you.

No older woman
has ever liked me.

So you feel that
younger women
usually like you?

Uh, no.

So, chris,
what kind of women
usually do like you?

Oh, well...

Be quiet!

Excuse me?

Oh, yes. Hello,
miss quagmire.

Hello. Where can I
find the hot sauce?

Oh, it's
right over there
by the ointment.

Ointment.

I know.
Let's ask her.

Kel, if you
don't quit with
all this nonsense--

Excuse me, ma'am.

What do you think
about relationships

Between older women
and younger men?

Oh!

Hee hee hee!

Well, you peppy
young rascal, you.

No, no, no, no!

That's not
what I meant.

I didn't mean it
like that!

No, no, no!

Oh, you need
to calm down.

Oh! No, no. That's just
not even going down
like that.

Not going down
like that. No, no.

Wait for me,
darling!

Ohh!

And so, in conclusion,
the book the lost jewels

Turns out not to be a story
of one man's struggle
to find riches.

Rather, it is his struggle
to find himself.

I'm kenan. Thank you.

Whoo! That
was good.

Good!

Yes, yes. Excellent.
Excellent report, kenan.

And the way that you described
the man's love for his wife,

It really touched my heart.

Some say
I have a gift.

Well, some may be right.

Whooo!

"And the way you described
the man's love for his wife,

It just--it just
touched my heart."

Would you shut
your big bazoo?

Don't you hear
the way she
talks to you?

No. Don't!

Don't you see how
she looks at you?

No, I don't!
Now I'm telling you
for the last time,

Miss horn pays
no more attention to me

Than anyone else
in that class.

Hey, kenan. Kel.

What the--
uh, miss horn.

How'd you know
I worked here?

You told me yesterday,
remember?

Oh, yeah.

Well, it was awfully
sweet of you to come
by and visit kenan.

Actually, kel,
I just came by to pick up
some kitty litter.

[Quietly]
sure you did.

Ok. Yep, this
ought to do it.

Ok. That'll be $ . .

All right. Here.

Oh, listen, kenan,
do you think you could
stay after school tomorrow

And help me out
with something?

Um...sure,
but why me?

Well, let's just say
I could use a tall,
strong man.

Ohh!

Ohhh!

Whoo!

I told you!
I told you!

Whoo! A tall,
big, strong man.

Here you go,
sweetheart. Enjoy.

Hey, can I be
the best man
at your wedding?

No!

Hey, where are
you guys going
on your honeymoon?

Stop talking!

When you have kids,
can they call me
uncle kel-kel?

[Child's voice]
hey, uncle kel-kel.

We love you,
uncle kel-kel.

Do a funky dance,
uncle kel-kel.

Kel, let me talk
to you for a minute.

Huh? What? I like
the uncle kel thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ooh!

So, my son
has a girlfriend.

No.

Oh, come on.
Who is she?

There is no she.

Maybe you
and your girlfriend

Can double-date
with kel and me.

I don't have
a girlfriend!

Yes, he does.

How did you
come out the--

Kel, come. Sit down
and tell us all about
kenan's new girlfriend.

Oh!

Does she
go to school
with you two?

Well, uh,
she sure does.

Mm-hmm. Well, is she
in your class?

Technically, she is
in our class.

Kel, I'm
warning you, man.

Oh, kenan, don't
be so embarrassed.

Yeah. I think it's sweet
you have a little
snuggle-bunny.

Ooh! Snuggle-bunny.
Ha ha ha!

Snuggle-bunny.
Snuggle-bunny.

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got a girlfriend

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got a girlfriend

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got a girlfriend

[Screaming]

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Kel: ♪ kenan's
got a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

♪ Kenan's got
a girlfriend ♪

Kel, stop
calling me!

Crazy kel. What a nut.

Thinking that miss horn
has a crush on me.

Yeah, right. Like I could ever
date a teacher.

Maybe in my dreams.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Miss horn?

Oh!

Kenan.

Well, you're looking
particularly elegant
this evening.

[Sniffing]

New fragrance?

Yes. It's called
sniff me.

Subtle. Dance?

I thought you'd
never ask.

[Tango music playing]

You're quite
a dancer.

And you're
quite a woman.

An older woman, but...

A woman nonetheless.

Thank you.

Would you join me
for dinner?

I'd rather
marry you.

Excellent choice.

Oh, kenan.

Oh, miss horn. Ha ha!

Ah, kenan.

Oh, miss horn.

Kel: kenan!

Kenan!

Hug me.

Huh?

Oh, squeeze me.

Oh, yeah.

Ohh...

Aah!

Kel! Do you mind
telling me

What you're doing
in my bedroom in the
middle of the night?

Middle of the night?
It's morning.

What?

We're late
for school.

Oh, yeah.
Come on. Let's go.

You were just going to
let me go to school
in my pajamas,
weren't you?

Oh, uh...
I like the puppies.

Throw me my pants.

So, figuring out what the author
is saying between the lines--

[Bell rings]

I guess I'll finish
that sentence tomorrow.

See you guys later.

Uh, kenan. Kenan!

Yo, kenan. Maybe
I should stay here.

I mean, I don't
think you should
stay here with her.

What? Why not?

Well, because she's
an older woman.

I don't know, kenan.
Maybe I should stay
here and chaperone.

Out.

I don't think
this is right.

Kenan, you know
you're doing the wrong.
You're doing the wrong!

Listen, thanks for
staying after class
and helping me out.

Uh, sure. No problem.
Just what did you
need help with?

I wanted to hang
these pictures up,

And they're
pretty heavy,

So you mind
giving me a hand?

I'll give you two.

Cool. I think
there's a stepstool
in the closet.

Oh, word.
In the closet.

Ok. Now we'll put the ladder
right over here.

We'll put the smaller
picture here.

Oh!
Oh!

Sorry about that.

Ohhh!

[Thump]

Thank you. Um, ok.

So, I'll put the nail
right there. Give me
the hammer, please.

All righty.

You got a nail?

Right here.

Great.

There you go.

Ouch! Ow.

What's wrong?

I got something
in my eye.

Ok. Wait, wait,
wait! Don't rub it.
Don't rub it.

Oh. Help!

Stop, stop, stop.
Let me see. Let me
see. Let me see.

Let me see.

Aaah!

Ohh!

Ow!

Have you lost
your mind?

Have you?
He's just a boy!

Kel!

Kenan, it's
for your own good.

I didn't want to do it,
but you made me do it.

Miss horn:
wait! Wait!

Wait, wait.
What are you
talking about?

Kel!

Look, hush up, kenan.

Why don't you just find
somebody your own age
and leave kenan be?

What are you
suggesting?

Ha ha ha!

Don't act like
you don't know.

Kel! You've got it
all wrong.

I saw you two hug.

No, man. She fell off
the stepladder,
and I caught her.

All right. Well,
what about the kiss?

Kiss? There
was no kiss!

No. I had something
in my eye,

And miss horn was
just checking it.

Oh. So--so...

You're not in love
with kenan?

No! I'm a teacher.

Now do you
believe me?

Oh. Miss horn, I'm sorry
I spanked your man in front--

He's not my man!

I'm sorry.

Nut!

I guess I was crazy to think
that a woman like you

Could be attracted
to a guy like kenan.

Hey, baby.
Are you ready?

Oh, yeah. Honey,
I want you to meet
kenan and kel.

Kenan and kel, this is
my boyfriend kevin.

Hey, what the--

Ok.

All right. That
was our show.

Who had
a good time?

[Cheering]

All right?
All right.

Ok. But before we go,
we'd like to introduce
you all

To a really good
friend of ours.

Oh, yeah. She played
the part of miss horn,

And she also
directed the show.

Yep. Come on out!
Kim...

Fields...

Freeman!

There you go.

Bye.

Where you going, kim?
Where you going?

Oh.oh.

Ok. That was our
show, right, kel?

I guess so.

What's wrong, kel?
Why do you seem
so upset?

Well, I mean, you got to
do the cool dance number
in the show,

And I didn't get
to dance at all.

Audience: aww!

Oh.

Oh, kel. You really
want to dance?

Mm-hmm.

Ok. Music.

[Tango music playing]

Ooh.

Oh.

Yeah. Wait. Kenan.

Where are we going?

Just follow my lead.

Ooh! Oh,
here it goes.


Kenan: why?!