03x12 - Mistaken Identity/Easy Peasy Rider

[bunniefuu]

[ Lively dance music playing]


♪ A-a-a-angry beavers

♪ Beavers.

Ah, nothing like the old couch.

Daggett: boing, boing, boing

Boing, boing, boing, boing.

Look out!

Runaway bedspring!

Boing, boing

Boing, boing.

El grapadura!

[ Laughs evilly]

Bueno, bueno.

[ Laughs evilly]

Announcer: we interrupt this program for a special report:

An out-of-control russian space station is about to...

[ Crash; daggett cries out]

Announcer: darn-- too late.

Back to the program.

[ Man laughs]

Is good thingski this damski cushionski our landingski.

All: ha-haski, ha-haski!

Ha-ha-haski!

Hey, dag, you think you can boing that out of the way?

It's blocking the old tv.

'Kay.

Hey, hold on a second.

Why do I have to clean it up?

Because you're sogood at things like that

My supraymly taylented and very experted brother.

You are an inspayraytion to beayvers everywhere.

So if you clean this dam, it's not just for me or for you

But for the entire beaver species!

[ Giggling]

[ Giggling]

Okay.

[ Laughs harshly]

No, you don't.

I see what you're doing

Mr. Flatter-stupid-dag- so-he-does-all-the-work-

While-i-just-sit- on-the-old-couch-

Watching-the-old-tv-all-day...

Guy.

Just sit on the old couch?

Dag, this is not as easy as it looks.

One a-moment, a-please.

[ Crashing and banging]

Oh, I see what you mean.

I'm norb, and it's so-o-o exhausting

Being a spooted- good-for-nothing oaf.

Well, at least I'm not running around like an imbecile

Breaking everything in sight.

Oh?

[ Loud clanking]

Boing, boing, I'm a spoot-head, boing.

Boing, boing, boing, boing...

Runaway bedspring action figure--

Stupid, [ grunts], stupid, [ grunts]...

[ Laughs evilly]

Hey, cut it out!

I'm not like that, you stupid, [ grunts]

Stupid, [ grunts], stupid...

Guy!

I mean stupid and lazy guy.

Fine, dag, you think I got it so easy?

We'll trade places for the day.

You be me for hours, and I'll have to be you.

First one to act like themselves

For any extended period of time

Has to fix the dam.

Void where prohibited.

Okey-dokey, artichewy.

Artichokey.

I said it's artichewy

And I'm norb, so whatever I say is right

Because I say it so much louder!

Hmm.

Hey, dag, my man

Do you thinky-winky you can goey-woey

Into the kitchawn and makey- wakey me a jalapenio bundt cake?

You're so-o-o good at thangs like that.

Hmm, I'm dag, so I guess I'm stupid enough

To fall for that kind of a cheap flattery trick... Mmm...

Oh, I forgot how to breathe.

Help me remember.

I'm so stupid.

Ha! What a stupid guy.

Hey, did I just insult myself?

[ Loud crash]

[ Whines]

[ Hooting]

I'm dag--

I'm such a klutz.

[ Hooting]

Ooh, my mighty stallion-faced guy.

[ Stammering]

What?

[ Whining]

[ Gasps]

[ Hoots]

[ Yelps]

[ Grumbles]

[ Grunts]

What are you doing?!

I thought I told you to make a cake

Not break, uh, uh... Stuff, daggy-oo!

Daggy-o.

Daggy-o... Quit bugging me.

[ Loud snap]

I'm not bugging you.

I never bug my brother, norb.

I'm daggett, the total idiot.

[ Hoots]

[ Screams]

Hey, I escaped serious injury, just like norb always does.

[ Daggett screaming]

Looks like someone's acting like himself

For an extended period of time, [ grunts].

W-w-well, norb, if you can't sit still

And think of a trick to play on your idiot brother

Then fix the dam!

No-o-o-o-o, no!

[ Stammering]

Norb, ready to give up yet, [ grunts], huh?

[ Mumbles]

Guess you finally realize it's not easy peasy being...

Dag...

I... I mean, norb?

[ Gasps]

A bag of filth, my clean sheets!

Get out of my bed

Before you soilit!

I'm not soiling anything.

Oh, yes, you are.

I'm organizing my filth

And this is my bed, mr. Man-- hours, remember?

I'm still norb until the mo-or-orning

So put that

Ha-ha-handsome mask back on, daggya.

You mean I have to sleep in your bed?

[ Liquid gurgling, bubbling]

No... No... No!

Sounds like some kicky-loser-pooser guy

Wants to fix the dam!

[ Grumbling]

And don't make a mayess up there.

[ Teeth chatter]

Nighty-night, daggya-dag.

Don't let the bed guys be-ite-ay.

It's bedbugs.

Even a moron like me knows that

And I'm a drooling imbecile.

[ Grunts]

[ Gasps]

Bed guys!

Greetings, comradeski, ha, ha!

Please to pass the pillowcheeski.

Oh, sorry, dag

Forgot to tell you about the cosmonautskis.

I let them camp in my bed beforewe traded places.

I don't care who you are.

They're stupid.

They're not stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I wasn't trying to sound like dag just then, but I did.

I'm becoming him!

What was that, daggett?

[ Yelps]

[ Norbert yelling]

[ Hoots]

[ Gurgling]

Ready, ah

To fix the, duh, dam, are you?

W-w-what?

Ready to fix the dam yet, little stupey-poopy

Uh, poopy daggett?

Oh, no, I've got a much better idea.

I'll fix the dam if you can defeat...

Muscular beaver!

[ Thud]

Daggett: [ grunts], who's that?

[ Gasps]

No!

That's myalter ego.

We only agreed to exchange unalteredegos.

Look, saitesan, I'm on patrol.

Wheesh.

Now you've gone too far.

And it's whoosh, not wheesh.

Wheesh.

Whoosh.

Wheesh.

Ready to give up?

Whoosh.

Wheesh.

[ Grunts], fine!

Four can play this game.

Bum-bum-bum.

I'm baron bad bucket bad guy.

You mean baron bad beaver?

Hey, hush up!

[ Static emanates from tv]

Announcer: we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.

Another object from space is plummeting toward the earth

Like a sack of wet rocks.

[ Both grunt]

Impact is expected in five... Four...

Three... Two... One...

[ Loud crash]

[ Both panting]

[ Both grunting]

I hate being you!

[ Grunts], and I hate being you.

Both: give up?

[ Groans]

Well, I guess if we give up togayther, nobody loses.

Okay, but only on one condition: you act like norb one more time

And give me, dag, a big hug.

Big hug.

Norb...

Do it for real, now.

Bighug!

Come to me, come on.

Come on, you little beaver.

Come on, give me a hug.

Okay, now what do we do about our dam?!

Hmm...

Great idaya to trade places again.

Well, thank you, daggy-o.

I figure if I can be you and you can be me

Then wecan both be cosmonauts.

And they a-can be bayvers...

For an extended period of time.

Ha-ha-haski!

Pillowcheeski for allski.

Hey!

One for you, one for you.

Hey, it's very good.

Where is my muff?

Comrade.

All: hey, hey, hey, hey.

[ Rumbling]

[ Birds cawing]

[ Rumbling continues]

What the...?

[ With mouth full]: uh, what's going on, norby?

Hola bobba booga bobba, dag!

[ Engine rumbling loudly]

Bikers!

[ Panting excitedly]

[ Bell dings]

Wow, bikers!

Cool!

Cool? They're more than just cool.

Yeah, daddy.

They're cooly way cool-cool, you kook.

They're maestros of their own destiny.

Destiny!

Rugged...

Rugged.

Road-riding rapscallions

Who live by their own code.

Fast, wild...

And to-tally free.

Yee-haw!

Well, what are we waiting for, huh?

[ Jabbering]

And you're going where?

To be a biker.

Dag, dag, dag.

What? What, what, what?

Real bikers could smell your squaresville...

Smell my what?

Doofiness-- a mile a way.

I'll handle this.

I speak their way-out lingo.

You just hang here

And dig my groove.

[ Sniffing]

[ Snorts]

Yeah, you're right, I do smell a little...

Doofy?

Yeah.

Greetangs, fellow hipster daddy-os.

I, too, am a crazy cool cat who's into the groovin' sceneya.

Like, wild, baby.

What say we get this sleepy burg a-swingin'?

You know, make it jumpin' jivey

Because I'm a hep cat who can really wail.

Are you digging my vibe?

Are you floating my drift?

Solid.

[ Bikers laughing uproariously]

[ Norbert yelling]

[ Whooping]

See what I mean, dag?

Bikers are nothing but unsightly blaymishes

On the bu-ttockses of law-lovin' folk everywhere.

Anyone who'd want to join them would have to be

A complete mindless, moronified idijit.

Mmm.

[ Gasps]

[ Sighs]

I reest my case.

[ Instrumental version of bachman-turner overdrive's "let it ride" playing]

[ Crashes]

Man: ♪ biking down the highway

[ Unintelligible lyrics]

♪ Biking down the highway...♪

[ Horn honking]

Daggett: ♪ gotta be a biker, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ In a biker team, da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Want to be a bikey-biker, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba [ spits] ♪

Norbert [ disembodied voice]: don't do it, dag.

Don't do it!

Bikers are rabble-rousing hoodlums.

[ Chuckles]: yeah.

They're law- trodding thugs.

Yeah!

Turn around now before it's too late.

I'll crash.

You belong at home with your...

All right, who's saying that?

Over here, doofus.

Norb?

Well, sort of.

Actually, I think I'm supposed to be your conscience

Warning you about the dangers of being an outlaw biker.

Oh. Cool.

Knock it off because I'm going to be a biker, see?

And there's nothing my spooty, old consciousy norb-thingy

Can do to stop me.

Blech.

Okay, but, dag...

Not listening.

Dag...

Not listening-- la-la-la-la-la-la...

Norbert: but, dag... Dag...

Dag!

What?

[ Screams]

[ Crash]

[ Panting]

Gulp... Oops!

Nobody has ever knocked me off my hog before-- nobody!

[ Whimpers]

This guy nobody sounds pretty tough.

[ Giggles nervously]

You know what that means?

Nope-- oh, yeah: big hurty, much pain.

It means...

That you're the new leader

Of the wild urchins

The baddest biking bunch

Ever to wreak havoc on the road.

[ Cheering]

I'm the leader?

I mean, of course I'm the leader.

I mean, and don't you forget it.

[ Laughs]

So, like, what do I do now, baby?

You lead us around doing biker stuff, man.

You know how to do biker stuff, don't you?

[ Guffaws]

Do I know biker stuff, daddy-o?

Just follow me.

I'm going show you biking like big daddy dag style.

Stupid spooty wannabe biking boob.

If you weren't my dingbat brother

I wouldn't even waste my time.

[ Growls]

[ Crashing]

Norbert [ yelling over noise]: excuse me, anyone seen this beaver?

[ Crashing]

[ Norbert yelling]

[ Kids crying]

[ Carnival-like music]

[ Game dinging]

[ Engine racing]

Excuse me, anyone seen this beaver?

[ Crashing]

[ Norbert yelling]

That stupey-doopy boney-head wants to run off and be a biker

I say...

[ Norbert yelling]

[ Burps]

[ Banging and crashing]

Hey, norby, come on in.

Like, dig the crazy wild biking scene, baby.

[ Sputtering]: dag, our house is filled with b-b-bikers.

I'm their new leader.

Check this out.

Hey, stinky, slam your head into that wall.

You got it, big daddy.

[ Crash]

You want me to do it again

With somebody else's head?

No way, daddy-o-- maybe later.

Dag, you ninny.

Eh.

They're the same pack of brainless thoogs

Who laughed at me and tousled me rudely.

So?! You always laugh at me and tousle me rudely.

But I'm not biker scum!

[ Record scratches to a stop]

Hey, big daddy, you ain't gonna let

This little blonde sissy goon

Talk about us like that, are you?

Huh?

Wha... I, uh...

Yeah, big daddy, he can't do that.

Biker: show him, big daddy.

Biker : he ain't one of us.

[ Bikers grumbling]

Yeah, that's right.

I amthe leader

And nobody messes with my biking peer group.

[ Cheering]

Dag, what are you... How could you?

Quit your whimpering

You poony little non-biking dumb guy.

All right.

If that's the way you want it

Bring it on, big daddy doofus!

Both: uno, dos...

Thumbs!

[ Bikers cheering]

[ Singing suspense movie music themes]

Bikers: take him down, you can do it.

Come on, take him down.

Had enough yet?

No, I'm still singing.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here comes the dramatic part.

[ Daggett singing enthusiastically]

Dag, just give up.

There's no way you can win.

Give up?

[ Laughs harshly]

I'm a biker, baby, and bikers never give up.

[ Resumes singing]

Yeah, and I'd, like, rather have biking buddies

Than a poopy-coopy brother like you any day.

[ Gasping in horror]

[ In hurt tone]: dag...

You raised your thumb in anger against your own brother?

Bad, huh?

How could you?

If we had real brothers

We'd never have joined a biker peer group.

Yeah, well, you never lived with my brother.

[ Chuckling]

We may be a bunch of bloodthirsty biker thugs

Who do nothing but roam the country

And smash people's property, but... But...

[ Voice breaking]: we appreciate the importance of family.

[ Gruffly]: come on, we're out of here.

W-w-w-wait, wait, wait, wingnut.

Don't go.

I can be a good brother.

See, look-- I'm sorry, norby.

You're the bestest brother ever.

See? I apologized-- we're still brothers.

I can be a biker and a brother.

B.b.-- Just call me b.b.

Paa-thetic.

And besides, why would you want to leave

This cooly-cool biking peer group hangout

Chock full of all kinds of neato-fun valuable and completely portable stuff

That-we-would- really-really-miss-

If-somebody-took- it stuff, huh?

Well, I guess we could hang out for a few more minutes.

Hey, norb, they laughed at us, tousled us rudely

And took all our stuff.

What's that about?

Hmm, I wonder, dimbulb.

Gee, do you think it maybe was

Because they're a bunch of ape-armed, slack-jawed

Poorly groomed bikers?

Hey, hey, hey.

You spooty-headed, moronifiable...

Don't call me a dimbulb.

Losery, wannabe, biking, pumpkin- brained doofus.

The end.