01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

Ticket, please.

Here's one for me and one for my sister.

Enjoy the amanda show

Ticket, please.hello, please.

My name is penelope taynt, amanda's number-one fan.

I'm here to view with the amanda show.

Ticket.

I have my own amanda web site, you know.

I can log on to it at any time with this computer.

It hangs from my neck.

Oh, yeah. I got one of those laptops.

My uncle bought it for me.

You're wasting my life.

Ticket, please.

Enjoy the show.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going?

To the stage. The show's about to start.

Ticket.

Ticket? I don't have a ticket. My name's amanda.

I'm, like, in the show.

The amanda show.

No, your name's not on the guest list.

My name's on the stage...

In -foot tall letters.

Letters that light up and say "amanda," as in me.

Nobody gets in without a ticket.

Look, if you won't let me in,

I'll have to get past you by force.

Ha ha ha! You think you can get by me and my two pals...

Little girl?

[Chuckling]

All right, you win.

Get her!

[Drumroll]

Announcer: and now, it's amanda!

Uh-oh.

Amanda: boring!

[Groans]

Bye-bye.

Whoa!

Aaaah!

Oh!

Hey!

Lights! Lights!

Nick-nick-nick-nick!

Shaboom!

Mm-hmm!

Howdy, actors!

Gimme!

See ya!

Hammer time!

Ah! Shaboom!

Cool guys!

Love you, dan!

Camera, sound...

Coming!

Hey! Ow! Ow!

[Gasps]

Boing de boing...

Ah! Huh?

Look out! Ohh!

♪ Amand-amand- amand-amand-amanda ♪

♪ Mand-amand-amand- amand-amanda ♪

♪ Mand-amand-amand- amand-amanda show ♪

Let's go!

Amanda: thank you!

Thank you!

Thanks! My name's amanda,

And welcome to my show!

Ok, thanks!

Sorry I'm out of breath.

I just had to b*at up huge men.

Anyways, I'm glad you're all here,

Because we have an amazing show for you tonight.

But before we start, does anybody in the audience

Have a question they'd like to ask?

Wow! Lots of questions.

How about...

[Cell phone ringing]

Um...

Hello?

Hi, amanda. What's your cell phone number?

Um...

You just called me. I think you have the number.

Oh, right. Sorry.

It's ok.

Whoo. Um...

Does anybody else have a question?

How about...

[Cell phone ringing]

Ok.

Yeah, what's up?

Boy on phone: hi, amanda. I was just wondering...

Why is there a phone booth in the middle of the audience?

Huh? Where?

Over here! Over here!

Hi! Hi!

Hi. Uh, you know...

I don't know. Maybe it's because some...

[Beeping]

Hold on. I have another call.

Ok.

Hello?

Hi, amanda. It's your mom.

Hi, mom. Listen, I can't talk right now.

I'm on television.

I know that, dear. That's why I'm calling.

Stand up straight. You're slouching.

Mom, that's so embarrassing!

Are you wearing clean underpants?

Mom!

Uh, listen, I got to take this call,

But I'll be back in a second to do stuff.

Thanks, you guys! Whoo!

[Cheering and applause]

Kids! What do you want for breakfast?

Cereal!

Meatloaf!

Cereal.

Meatloaf.

Can't you kids ever agree?

Whoop-dee-dee! Have a bowl of me!

Huh? Huh?

Who are you?

I'm loaf, and I'm here to tell you

About my yum-tastic new cereal...

Meatloaf crunch!

Meatloaf crunch?meatloaf crunch?

Yeah! Yeah!

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ It's all-new meatloaf crunch

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

Wow! It's turning the milk chocolatey!

That ain't chocolate.

That's gravy!

And don't forget about the prize inside!

Yeah!

I got lotion!

I got a mousetrap!

Hey...give me some meatloaf crunch!

Whoop-dee-dee!

Have a bowl of me!

[All laughing]

Hey! Who's that?

Hi, dad! Meet loaf!

[All laughing]

You guys!

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ It's all-new meatloaf crunch

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ It's all-new meatloaf crunch

Whoop-dee-dee!

Have a bowl of me!

Yeah! Yeah!

♪ It's all-new meatloaf crunch

♪ Meatloaf...

♪ Amand-amand- amand-amand-amanda ♪

♪ Mand-amand-amand- amand-amanda show ♪

[Bell rings]

Are you ready there, jake?

I'm right here, jack.

Ok, you know what to do.

Next guy that comes this way, take his lunch money!

Yeah! And if he don't give it to us, we kick his butt!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah. Yeah.

Shh! Here comes that nerd marvin.

Hey, marvin, where do you think you're going?

Yeah! Marvin the--

Uh, marvin! Huh!

Yeah! Give us your lunch money!

Or we'll do bad things to you.

Yeah!

Will you morons get out of my way?

Whoa! Whoa!

Did you hear that, jake?

I heard it, jack.

Looks like somebody's about

To get their head knocked off.

We're going to give you one more chance--ow!

What do you think you're--ow!

He thumped me!

Man, you better not--ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Jerks.

Yeah! Yeah, you better run!

And don't come back!

Yeah! Tomorrow, we'll intimidate you again!

Yeah. Yeah.

Come here.

Hey, hey!

Couple of babes heading this way.

Couple of chickadees.

Hey, girls, how about a little kiss?

Yeah. Kiss us.

Whoa! Wait! Watch the hair!

Hey!

New jacket! New jacket!

Aaah! Stop!

Aah!

Ow!

Aah!

That was loud!

What?

That was loud!

What?

Never mind.

That was loud!

Man, those girls wanted us!

So bad!

So bad!

Hey!

What?

Let's spray-paint a little graffiti.

Yeah!

Yeah!

What?

Hey...something's wrong here.

Oh, man, look!

This paint's the exact same color as the wall!

Are you sure? Yeah, look.

"School hallway white."

Man!

Man!

Wait, watch out! Teacher!

Boys! I see you're touching up

The paint on the walls.

No, we wasn't!

It is so wonderful to see you two young fellas

Taking an interest in keeping your school looking nice.

Yes!

But we was being bad!

Oh, man!

Man...

It's so frustrating!

Boy: hey, you dropped your paint cans.

Aah! Ow!

Man...

Watch where you're throwing junk!

Man, you could put an eye out!

Man...

Boys, would you watch my baby?

I have to go get his diapers out of the car.

Just a minute.

What? Ba--

Man, dumb baby!

You little runt!

Better stay right there, or else!

Yeah! Don't mess with us!

Wipe that smile off your face!

You dumb baby!

Down! Down!

I'm so mad!

Thanks for taking me bowling.

You bowl good.

You bowl better.

I know. My mom says it's 'cause I have thick wrists.

I think thick wrists are cute.

Thanks.

Amanda, you know, I was wondering...

Well, we've been out on a lot of dates, and, well...

This is hard for me to ask, but...

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

I mean, if you don't want to, it's ok.

Really.

Amanda?

Amanda?

Ugh! Ugh!

Ooh!

Aaaah!

[Babbling indistinctly]

Holy moley, that pimple is huge!

[Continues babbling]

I must destroy that pimple!

Amanda, what are you doing there?

I can't take it! Unh! Unh!

Stop it! Stop it! Ow! Ow!

Stop it! Ow! Ow!

Aaaah!

Hammer?! It's off!

You're very rude!

Aaaah!

Now you're gonna get it!

My pimple's aggressive!

You want to fight, pimple?

Aah!

Boy: nice punch!

You hit me!

You started it!

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

I think you're cute.

You're kind of cute, too.

What's going on here?

I love you, amanda!

I love you, pimple!

You got a crush on my pimple?

Ohh...

Ohh...

Amanda? Hello?

Amanda?

Huh? What?

I was asking you...

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Um...well...

Yes.

Yes, I do!

So, children, if someone asks you

To subtract ,

From ,,

Your best bet...is to hide under your bed

And shake like a coward.

Now, if a pigeon starts pecking your mother, you--

Ow!

Jeffrey, why have you hollered?

Sorry. I just got a paper cut on my finger.

[Siren]

[Blows whistle]

[German accent] nobody move!

Everyone remain calm! I am nurse zelda.

Where is the wounded boy?

Well, I guess that's me,

But it's just a paper--

Try not to talk! Show me your digit.

Holy vigoda!

[Blows whistle]

Nurse zelda, it's no big deal.

Don't be a hero, boy.

Nurse zelda, this seems really unnecessary--

Quiet, you beef puppet!

I'm the teacher! You can't-- what are you doing?

There. Now I can nurse in peace.

Son, do you feel dizzy?

No. Queasy?

No. Hungry?

Well, I guess, a little.

Holy vigoda!

[Blows whistle]

Otis! You got to get some food into this boy!

Schnell!

Ok.

Wait a second! What's going on?

Lie down! Open your mouth.

All right, this bottle is filled with pudding--

Good, thick pudding.

Soon you'll be properly nourished and feeling fine.

Otis! Release the pudding!

Ok.

All right.

You'll be filled with pudding in no time.

I made the pudding.

Quiet!

Ok.

[Siren]

There.

[Coughs]

Wait! Wait! What was that?

Nothing. I just coughed.

Holy vigoda!

[Blows whistle]

We've got a choker!

Don't worry, honey. I'll heimlich you.

Heimlich! Heimlich!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

There. Now she can rest.

[Sneezes]

Oh, no...

[Blows whistle] otis!

Otis: ok!

Get him on the gurney-- schnell!

I just sneezed.

Nurse zelda, I really don't--

Quiet! It could be dangerous!

Paddles!

And...clear!

[Speaks german]

And...clear!

[Speaks another german phrase]

There. Do you feel better, darling?

No.

Excellent.

[Siren]

Nurse zelda!

How dare you lock me in the closet?!

I'm going to report you to the principal and have you fired!

Emergency! We've got a woman

Down on the sidewalk in front of the building!

It looks pretty bad. I'll need an ambulance and a full rescue team.

What are you talking about?

There's no one down here on the side--whoa!

Holy vigoda!

[Blows whistle]

Otis!

Ok.

♪ Mand-amand-amand- amand-amanda ♪

♪ Mand-amand-amand- amand-amanda show ♪

Announcer: it's time for...

[Doorbell rings]

Hi. You must be mrs. Simian.

And you must be robert.

Corilla, your blind date is here!

Hi, robert.

Hi, corilla. You look...

You look, uh...

Nice lamp.

Thanks. So are you ready to go?

Not so fast, corilla.

I think your father would like

To meet robert before you kids go out.

Mom! No!

Yes. Why?!

Because I said so.

[Screeching]absolutely not.

[Both screeching]

Corilla! It's ok. I'd love to meet your father.

Ok. Daddy!

[High-pitched grunting]

Robert, this is daddy. Daddy, this is robert.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

[Grunting]

Oh, don't mind him.

He's a little grumpy because he can't walk erect.

Tell you what, kids, why don't you sit down

And have a little chat before you go?

No!aaah!

Dad, we're already late!

[Grunting]

[Screeching]

Aaaah!

Ok, we'll sit down.

Aah!

Bananas! All right!

Hey!

Excuse me, mr. Simian, but where are you from?

Braah.

Excuse me?

Braaaah!

Honey, the boy can't understand you

With your mouth all full.

He's from norway.

Aren't you, cutie?

Ooh!

Why do you ask where he's from?

Because... You know...

He's...an ape.

Aaaah...

[Screeching]

Robert: stop! What are you doing?

Get off of me!

Help! Please! Get him off of me!

Dad doesn't like to be called an ape.

No. We just call him daddy or...steve.

Steve...

[Grunting]

Aaah!

I'm having trouble understanding all this.

Well, it's very simple, robert.

You see, when I was in college,

I traveled to norway, where I met steve,

The love of my life.

Oomf...

Ooh ooh!

Oh, that must be chip, home from soccer practice.

[High-pitched shriek]

Hi, honey.

[Grunting]

Oh, my gosh! What's he doing?

Chip, leave him alone!

What's he doing to my head?don't mind chip.

He's just picking bugs and junk out of your hair.

It's nothing unusual.

Maybe not for you. Ow! Gosh!

[Sniffing]

What's he doing now?

Oh, relax. He's just sniffing your butt.

Chip! Quit it!

Aaah! Aaah!

[All screeching]

Please! Please! Stop!

Corilla, can we just go?

Ok. Where are we going?

I thought we'd walk to the uniplex to see a movie.

Walk? Don't be silly!

Corilla's dad will give you a lift.

He's going to drive us?

Robert, daddy doesn't drive.

Well, then how is he going to give us a lift to the--

Oh!

[Grunting]

Help!

Night, mom.

Have a wonderful time, dear.

Corilla...

No monkey business.

Ooh ooh ahh!

And you, young man, time for a back shaving.

[Grunting happily]

Announcer: that was...

[Dialing]

[Ringing]

And you kids stay out of our yard!

Arrrgh!

Hello?

Yeah, this is mrs. Lemon lemon lemon.

I'm with the cheese company.

The cheese company?

Well, who do you want to talk to, mrs. Lemon lemony?

Uh, sir, what time could I drop some cheese by your house?

Cheese? I didn't order any cheese.

Sir, what color socks are you wearing?

They're a lovely blue,

But what happened to our discussion of the cheeses?

Sir, there's a bug on your shoulder!

A bug! Aah! Aah! Aah!

All right.

Sir, what time would you like your cheese delivered?

I tell you, I didn't order any cheese!

You have the wrong number!

Sir, can I borrow your car?

Car?! What happened to our discussion

Of the socks and the cheese items?

Duck!

Aah!

[Thud]

All right, I ducked,

But what was I trying to avoid?

May I help you?

Youcalled me!

You have the wrong number!

Please hold... For hours.

Hold for hours?!

All right.

You have the wrong number!

Hello?

You have the wrong number!

There's nothing right about it!

The digits you've dialed are inaccurate!

I can't feel my feet!

Hello?

I'm damp and cold!

You have the wrong number!

The number is wrong!

Announcer: the amanda show will be back in one minute.

Oh! Ha ha! I got time for a bowl of soup.

This seat is far superior.

Hello, please.

What?

My name is penelope taynt.

Great.

I just happen to be amanda's number-one fan, please.

All right.

See this? This sneaker once housed

Amanda's actual left foot.

I found it when I was rooting through amanda's garbage.

Interesting.

I'm going to ask amanda to autograph it after the show...

On the tongue.

Would you like to sniff it?

Not really.

Your loss.

[Inhaling]

Ahh, that's good.

I have my own amanda web site, you know--

Www.amandaplease.com.

You know, I've been on the internet before.

You're wasting my life. I'll show you

My amanda web site, please.

Ok, www.amandaplease.com.

All right, here's the homepage, please.

Now, let's click on this item to see words that rhyme with amanda.

See? Amanda, a panda.

That's a bear, please.

The next rhyme is... Amanda, bandana.

See it on the animal?

Click again and we'll see.

Amanda, banana-- a yellowish fruit.

So I have a pretty impressive amanda web site,

Wouldn't you agree?

Ok...

Sir! Get off me, please.

Sir, you're on my laptop.

Sir! Hello!

Get off me. You're large.

[Cheering and applause]

Ok, that's our show, but before we go,

I have time for one request from the audience.

Anyone?

Um, how about...you!

Yeah, amanda, I was hoping you could juggle for me.

Sure, I can juggle.

I wasn't done.

I want you to juggle clubs

While balancing a ladder on your face.

Oh, you mean a little stepladder like this?

No, no. I mean a big ladder, like a -footer.

Ok, so you want me to juggle clubs

While balancing a really large ladder on my face?

I'd appreciate it.

Ok.

[Falsetto] hi. I'm amanda.

This won't be easy, but...here we go!

[Drumroll]

[Audience cheering]

[Applause]

[Cheering]

Thank you.

Ok, the show's over.

I got to go home and take a shower.

See ya!

Sir! Sir, get off me, please!

Sir, you're on my laptop!

Amanda! Wait!

I'm your number-one fan! Please!

Move it! Sir!

Please move. Out of my way.

Sir! Sir!

Amanda, please!