01x09 - Episode 9

[bunniefuu]

Wow! Did you write that song yourself?

Yeah. You like it?

No. Not really.

Hey, guys. Who wants their fan mail?

All right. Fan mail.

Let's see it.

Drake, this is for you, and, raquel, you got two today.

Yes!

Oh, and the lobsters got some mail, too.

Bring it in, guys!

[Lobsters squeaking]

"Dear drake, can you please send me

"An autographed picture...

Of the dancing lobsters?"

Boring! Mmm!

Look at this tree!

Bye-bye!

Ooh!

Aah!

Oh!

Hey!

Lights! Lights!

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick

Sha-boom!

Mm-hmm.

Howdy, actors!

Gimme!

See ya!

Hammer time!

Ah! Sha-boom!

Cool guys!

Love ya, dan!

Camera! Sound! Ha ha!

Coming!

Hey! Ow! Ooh! Ow!

♪ Boingity, boing

Huh?

Look out! Ooh!

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

♪ Show

Let's go!

[Applause and cheering]

Hey! Whoo-hoo! My name is amanda,

And we're on television! Whoo-hoo!

Thank you!

Ok. Now, before we start the show, guess what!

What? What?

Well, I've been studying magic!

Really? Really?

Yeah. So I thought I'd start the show off with a little magic trick.

Cool! Cool!

Thank you. Now, as you can see,

This ordinary hat is completely empty.

However, when I say the magic words,

I will pull out a large can of ravioli.

Cool! Cool!

Drumroll, please!

[Drumroll]

Kowanga tahanga rancho kookamunga!

Aww! Aww!

No, no, no. Don't applaud.

I wasn't trying to pull out a cute little bunny.

I wanted ravioli. Hmm. I better check the magic handbook.

Back in a sec!

[Applause]

Hello, people! My name is penelope taynt.

I'm amanda's number-one fan, please.

Where's amanda? I have her ravioli.

Get her off the stage!

Hello, sir. My name is penelope taynt. I have my own amanda web site.

I know-- www.amandaplease.com.

Correct! Www.amandaplease.com.

I'd show it to you, but my arms are inaccessible.

Where's amanda, please? I must meet her.

You'll meet nothing and no one.

But I must meet amanda!

Put my head down, please!

Do it! Put it down! Lower it! Drop it! Do it!

[Applause]

Ok. I think I know what I did wrong. I just--

Well, I'm going to go look for my hat,

But stick around. I'll be back in a second to do stuff.

Whoo!

[Applause and cheering]

[School bell rings]

I don't want to study for a math test.

I hate math!

I don't want to study!

Now you don't have to!

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Not with sick popples.

Sick popples?sick popples?

Yeah. The new frozen treat that makes you sick.

What?

Huh?

Eh?

Just pop one in your mouth,

And you'll be sick all day.

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Chickenpox cherry!

Pneumonia orange!

Bleeding gums berry!

[Slurping]

[Buzz]

I got the pneumonia!

[Cough]

I got a sore throat!

I've got the chickenpox!

Yeah!

Just pop, pop, pop one in your mouth,

And you'll be too sick to go to school.

Bye-bye, math test!

Later, homework!

Sick popples. They're icy cool,

And they'll get you out of school.

[All coughing]

Now in measles mango!

Yeah!

[Slurping]

Lick till you're sick!

Announcer: sick popples, from disease co.

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

So, alex, where is she?

She should be here any minute.

We're very excited to meet your new girlfriend.

Yeah. Why don't you tell us a little bit about her?

She's not like any other girl my age.

Oh? How so?

Well, she's a judge,

And she has her own television show.

Wow!

Ooh! Here she comes.

All rise.

Announcer: this is the restaurant

Where judge trudy will be dining.

When you've got a beef, don't take the law into your own hands.

Put your beef in the hands of judge trudy.

Bon appetit.

I am judge trudy. Hello, alex.

Trudy.

Alex.

Bailiff.

Trudy: sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Now, alex, do you want

To tell me who these people are?

Yes. These are my parents david and lorraine.

Hi...judge trudy.

It's so nice to meet you.

So, you seem awfully young for a judge.

Silence! Now, alex, we were supposed to have dinner last week.

Tell me what happened.

Well, I couldn't make it.

Continue.

I got grounded.

I see. And who grounded you?

Well, my parents did.

Uck!

Children: boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo!

Hey!

Who were those kids?

Why did they pelt us with garbage?

I'll ask the questions here!

Now, why did you ground this boy?

Yeah. Why?

Well, he borrowed our car.

So? Maybe he had an appointment.

He's years old. He doesn't have a driver's license.

Is it his fault he's only years old? I don't think so!

Now, look here--

What? Did you set your mouth on auto-yap?

What?!

Ha ha ha! Auto-yap. She's a funny judge.

Who is this guy?

Good evening, and may I take your order?

Yes, please. I'll have a steak.

Overruled!

Excuse me!

The lady will have salmon, the man will have pork chops,

And my boyfriend and I will split a large pepperoni pizza.

I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't serve pizza here.

Bailiff!

Judge trudy wants some pizza.

I'll get some pizza.

All right. Back to this grounding nonsense.

I have every right to ground him.

All I did was drive the car.

Through a busy mall.

On saturday.

He destroyed abercrombie.

And most of fitch.

You know, I see your mouth moving,

But all I hear is "yappity yappity ding dang dong."

Ha ha ha! Dang dong!

Don't you have someplace to be?

Don't you have a family

Or some friends?

Irrelevant! This court finds in favor of the plaintiff, my boyfriend,

For $,.

We don't have $,!

This isn't a courtroom. This is a restaurant. You're on a date!

Date, schmate!

Schmate? Schmate?

If you don't have the money, I'll have to ask the bailiff

To dump that man's plate of lasagna down your trousers.

What?

Bailiff!

Here I go.

This is ridic-- what?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh...

Whoo! I feel weird.

Don't forget to punish my mother.

Oh, don't worry.

Bailiff, please scream loudly at that woman's head.

Yes, your honor.

Aah!

Aah!

Your parents seem nice.

I think they liked you.

Who wouldn't? Court dismissed!

Bring in the dancing lobsters!

[Applause and cheering]

[Ringing]

You kids stay off my lawn, or I'll turn a hose on you!

Hello?

[Deep voice] hello. This is, uh, warba nabanaba.

Well, hello, but I don't know any warba nabanaba.

Congratulations! You've won the grand prize!

Grand prize?! What have I won?

A cordless pig.

A cordless pig? Wait a minute.

I didn't even know pigs had cords.

Ok. Talk to you later.

Later? But what about my prize?

Oh, uh, sir, I don't speak english.

You don't speak english?

Well, uh... Quanto sanyos tieri muchachacha.

Would you like some gravy?

Gravy? But what about my prize?

You mentioned

A pig with no cord earlier.

If you want a prize, you'll have to sing me a song.

But I don't know any songs.

Make one up.

But I don't--

Sing!

All right. I'm singing.

[Tunelessly] ♪ I'm singing a song about my sweater ♪

♪ It's red and made of red material ♪

Was that all right?

Well, you have the wrong number.

What? But that's ironic.

Youhave the wrong number.

What? What number did you dial?

I dialed nothing! It was you who dialed!

I think your number's wrong.

Hello? You have the wrong number.

Hola?hello?

Por favor?you have the wrong nu--

I sang you a song about my s--

Hello? What happened to my wife?

Don't tell me I've dialed wrong!

Muchacha-cha- cha-cha-cha-cha!

[Applause and cheering]

Good evening. I'm amanda.

You may know me... As amanda.

There's a tragedy sweeping the nation

That I feel deserves our special attention.

The truth is that very few people know

What to do...

When cheerleaders att*ck.

We've all heard about these terrifying att*cks by cheerleaders,

But now, caught on videotape,

You're about to actually witness one of these actual events

Just as it actually happened.

You see the boy and girl having lunch...

But they're about to get a pompom sandwich.

The cheerleaders enter, looking for trouble.

They spot the boy and girl and make their move!

[Cheerleaders cheering]

Now let's look at that att*ck again in slow motion.

The victims are caught completely off-guard.

They never saw the cheerleaders until they att*cked.

We were caught completely off-guard.

We never saw the cheerleaders...

Until they att*cked.

[Both crying]

Truly horrible.

But now, watch as a casual walk home from the supermarket

Suddenly turns into a pummeling pep rally.

You see mr. Nussbaum minding his own business.

Then out of nowhere, he's surrounded by peppy, deranged cheerleaders!

[Cheerleaders cheering]

Now let's look at that att*ck again in slow motion.

Mr. Nussbaum drops the groceries and tries to escape,

But sadly, it's too late.

The cheerleaders att*ck!

I dropped the groceries, and I tried to escape,

But sadly, it was too late.

The cheerleaders att*cked.

[Crying]

He'll never be the same.

If you witness an att*ck by cheerleaders,

Please call our emergency hotline...

Thank you. Please tune in next week when we--

Aah! Aah!

[Screaming]

Announcer: it's time for a hillbilly moment.

Ok. Knock knock.

Who's there?

Uh, steerin' wheel.

Steerin' wheel who?

I'm gonna hit you in the head with a steerin' wheel.

Ha ha! Huh?

Ha ha ha! That's good.

Yep.

[Applause and cheering]

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

♪ Amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda, amanda ♪

And bless amanda and bless the amanda show

And bless amanda's family and pretty much anything

That has to do with amanda, please.

And, oh, yes, don't forget about my web site--

Www.amandaplease.com-- the best web site in the world.

The best web site in the world.

The best web site in the world...

[Applause]

All right, people. And now the moment you've all been waiting for--

The award for the best web site in the world.

And the winner for the best web site is...

[Drumroll]

Www.amandaplease.com by penelope taynt.

Penelope taynt! Come on, girlfriend.

Thank you. Thank you, please.

As you people know, my name is penelope taynt,

Amanda's number-one fan, please.

And I would like to thank the academy for giving me this award

For the best web site of the year, please.

[Applause]

Thank you. In fact, I can think

Of no better way to say thank you

Than to show you all my web site right now--

Www.amandaplease.com.

This week, you can win a surprise from the amanda show!

See? That's the gavel amanda uses

When she plays judge trudy.

If you visit my web site,

You might win this actual gavel, which I stole.

Now, let's view the amanda video clip of the week.

Watch as amanda actually gargles!

[Gargling]

And spits.

She's minty fresh, please.

Back to the home page,

Where you'll find tons of amanda games.

So, isn't my web site excellent?

[Applause]

Let's hear it for www.amandaplease.com.

Thank you, whopper.

Whoopi. And now, penelope,

We have another surprise for you.

Since your web site www.amandaplease.com is so excellent,

You now get to meet amanda.

[Applause]

I can't believe I finally get to meet amanda, please!

Put my head back on my body, please.

Sorry, please.

There. Now, where's amanda?!

She's right over there.

Amanda, come on up!

Amanda? Amanda? Amanda, please?

Amanda? Amanda?

Amanda? Amanda? Where are you? Amanda?

Please! It was a dream?

Why must I have awakened before meeting amanda?

I must continue sleeping immediately! Good night, please.

[Laughter]

[Applause and cheering]

Amanda: from his garage, it's totally kyle!

Um, one time, i, like, saw this movie

Where this one guy was all,

"Hey, you!"

And the other guy was all, "what?"

So then the other guy was all, "big lizard."

And the other guy was all, "yeah!"

Then it, like, ate him.

And it rocked.

[Laughter]

Amanda: that was totally kyle!

Totally!

[Applause and cheering]

[All coughing]

Ah, where are we, honey?

Well, our boat sank near cuba, so...

[Crying]

I don't know where we are!

[All crying]

We're shipwrecked! Shipwrecked!

Wait, family. I have a plan. Andy, you find some sticks

And start spelling out "help" on the sand.

I'll do it! I'll do it!

What if we can't find enough sticks? What if we can't find food?!

What if something goes bad?! What if--

I'm sure we'll be fine.

Right, right. Just remember,

Susie is a squirrel scout. She'll get us through this.

Look, I found some sticks! Sticks!

Man: hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!

What's that?

Look! A hot dog man! We're saved!

Yay!

No. Wait, family. There can't be a hot dog man here.

We're thousands of miles from civilization.

He must be a mirage!a mirage?

Yes. We're just so hungry and thirsty

That we're imagining he's here.

But I can feel him!

Hey, quit that.

See? He's real!

Get ahold of yourself, dad.

Are you people going to buy a hot dog or what?

Yes! Yes!

Andy, remember, he's not real.

We're stranded in the middle of nowhere!

What are you babbling about? This is malibu,

One of the busiest beaches in the world.

Vision, begone!

Freakos.

You see? He disappeared! He wasa mirage!

But I smelled the hot dogs.

I have mustard on my arm!

Andy, go get some more sticks.

Oh.

Hey! I'll catch a fish

With this old discarded fishing pole andy just found.

Boy: oh! Hey!

Hey! I hooked a fish!

Hey, what's the deal, hooking me like that?

Thank goodness you're here!

We're shipwrecked! Save us!

You're not shipwrecked. This is, like, a busy beach.

It is?

Dad, you're talking to a fish.

A fish? He looks like a teenager!

What do we do with this fish?

Let's eat it.

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Oh, the fish got away!

Look, I found enough sticks.

We can spell out the world "help" now. Now!

Good! I'll light the sticks on fire

By rubbing these two coconuts together.

Hopefully a plane will see, and we'll be rescued!

[Police siren]

Policeman over megaphone: no coconut rubbing on the beach.

Look! A policeman in a car!

Wow! That mirage looked really real!

My face hurts.

I think it's getting dark.

We should seek shelter.

We're going to be stranded here for a long time.

Oh, no. Oh, no!

Boy: hey!

Wait. Did you hear that?

Yes. Perhaps it's a voice

From the great beyond!

Or a bird.

Boy: I'm not a bird. I'm over here!

You people aren't stranded. You're not even on a beach.

Did you hear that?

This boy will rescue us!

Get back over there.

You people aren't on a beach.

You're actors on the amanda show.

Yeah! Yeah!

Well, um, it could either be a mirage

Or, uh, hostile island natives trying to trick us.

So what do we do? What do we do?

We better throw coconuts at them.

Oh, right. Coconuts.

Wait!

Are we sure we should be doing this?

Right.

Vision, begone!

Begone from us!

Go! Go on! Begone!

Begone! Begone!

Begone!

[Applause and cheering]

Whoo! Whoo!

Are you guys enjoying the program?

[Cheering]

All right!

Hey, amanda, how about a magic trick?

Oh, well, I don't have anything prepared.

Aww! Aww!

Oh, all right. Johnny! Raquel! Would you guys come out here?

[Cheering]

Hi, guys! Hey!

Would you guys help me do a magic trick?

Ok. What do we do?

Well, first, magic music, please.

[Soft music playing]

Thank you.

Johnny, get in the box.

Ok.

Oh!

So, are you comfortable yet?

Well, actually--

Ok. Great.

Blades!

Blades?

Thank you.

I will now slice my costar...

In half.

Uh, amanda?

Ooh! Ooh!

Aah! Aah!

Now raquel and I will separate the two halves.

Uh, but, amanda--

Audience: ohh!

Ta-da!

Hey, can I take his lower half home?

Um, sure.

What?cool.

But, amanda--

Cool. I got me half an actor.

[Applause and cheering]

Ok. That's our show. I got to get home before my parents do.

See ya!

Amanda!

Amanda!

Amanda! Where's amanda, please?

Some boy took my legs.

You're wasting my life. Amanda!

Amanda!amanda!

Amanda! Amanda!

Amanda, I'm your number-one fan!

Amanda! Hey, wait!

Amanda! Can I at least have my socks back?

Amanda!

Penelope: amanda, please.