01x13 - Episode 13

[bunniefuu]

[Electrical crackling]

Hello, penelope.

Hello, please.

Whatcha doing?

Cloning amanda.

You're gonna clone amanda?

Correct! You see this?

This is an actual toenail from amanda's sweet foot!

Sweet foot?

This machine will use the toenail

To create an exact duplicate of amanda.

Where did you find her toenail, please?

In her garbage.

See, I've connected the toenail with these two wires

Which will transmit the negative toenail ions

Into this radioactive ferbolator,

Then the toenail protons are flooded with plutonium gas, please.

Will you make me a sandwich?

No! I must now create my very own amanda, please!

Ready?

Do you have another pair of goggles for me?

No!

My retinas!

Whoa!

Oh, you're not amanda, please!

No. I'm drake.

Wrong toenail.

Where am i?

Now will you make me a sandwich?

Later, please!

But, penelope!

Hey, that's my toenail.

Boring! Grr!

Look at that shine!

Bye-bye!

Whoa!

Aah! Oof!

Hey!

Oh! Mm-hmm.

Amanda: howdy, actors!

Gimmie. See ya!

Shaboom! Cool guys!

Love ya, dan.

Coming!

Hey! Ow! Oh! Ow!

Boingy-boing! Ah! Huh?

Look out!

♪ A...

♪ ...manda amanda amanda amanda amanda ♪

♪ Amanda amanda amanda amanda amanda ♪

♪ Amanda amanda amanda amanda amanda ♪

♪ Show

Let's go!

All right!

Thank you!

My name's amanda,

And you have the right to remain noisy.

Woo!

Woo! Ok, so the other day,

My grandmother's asking me how to set her vcr to record, right?

So I'm telling her, and--

Ams anda, I ed to usethe restroom.

Would you mind watching my son?

Actually, I'm--

Thanks. I love your show.

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. So, my grandmother's asking me

Why the vcr's blinking :.

Amanda, I have to go put some money in the parking meter.

Would you mind watching my dog for me?

Actually, I'm really--

Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

Great show.

Thanks.

Well, what was I saying? Oh, yeah...

Hey, there, amanda.

Hi.

I'm the warden over there

To the men's correctional penitentiary.

You know, prison.

Right. Prison. Look, I'm--

Listen, I've got to go take a bath.

Um...would you mind looking after these prisoners for me till I get back?

Actually, i--

You're sure nice. Funny, too.

Back in a flash.

Hey.

How you doing?

Hi.

Amanda!

Now what?

[Animal growling]

What is that?

Oh, that's a, uh, grizzly bear.

Some fighter, too.

Would you mind?

Yes, I would. Forget the vcr story.

Stick around.

I'll be back in a second to do stuff!

Let's get out of here.

Kids, what do you want for breakfast?

Cereal!

Meatloaf!

Cereal.

Meatloaf.

Can't you kids ever agree?

Whoop-dee-dee! Have a bowl of me!

Huh? Huh?

Who are you?

I'm loaf!

And I'm here to tell you

About my yum-tastic new cereal...

Meatloaf crunch.

Meatloaf crunch! Meatloaf crunch!

Yeah! Yeah!

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ The cereal with the meatloaf crunch ♪

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

Wow! It's turning the milk chocolatey!

That ain't chocolate.

That's gravy.

And don't forget about the prize inside.

Yeah!

I got lotion!

I got a mousetrap!

Hey! Give me some meatloaf crunch!

Whoop-dee-dee! Have a bowl of me!

Ha ha! Ha ha!

Hey, who's that?

Hi, dad.

Meet loaf!

Ha ha! Ha ha!

You guys!

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ The song with the meatloaf crunch ♪

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ The song with the meatloaf crunch ♪

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf...

Whoop-dee-dee, have a bowl of me!

♪ Meatloaf, meatloaf

♪ The song with the meatloaf crunch ♪

♪ Meatloaf...

♪ Amanda amanda amanda amanda amanda ♪

♪ Amanda amanda amanda amanda amanda show ♪

Blockblister!

Excuse me.

Hello. Welcome to our video store.

How am I to be helping you?

I rented this videotape here,

And I am not happy!

I am yokke blocky, the manager.

Why are you to be not happy?

I to be not happy because I rented the movie screams,

And this is not screams.

No, no, no. You no ask for screams!

You ask for screamings!

Screamings? Just play the tape.

Ja, ja!

[Screaming]

Do not worry, my children.

Is only a movie.

But it's so scary.

What was that? That wasn't screams.

Yes. This movie better!

Much better! Much better!

This is my daughter blini and my son biscotti.

Your acting is horrendous.

Is true.

Thank you.

How you'll be paying me?

I'll pay you with this island curse.

[Yelling in foreign language]

Papa! What is this talk of koonamean?

I think this means it is spanish for "I love your fine acting."

Ah... Ah...

Excuse me. I rented this movie here last night,

And I was most disappointed.

This is not star trek.

No, no, no.

Last night, you no ask for star trek.

You ask for star drek!

Star drek?

Yes. Is better!

Much better! Much better!

Negative! This is not better.

Put that onscreen.

Ja, ja!

Hello. We are in outer spaces.

Yes. This frontier is final.

I do not like you, so I will kazap you with my phaser.

Don't, hey, you, dare.

Phase!

Owie!

That hurts me bad.

Now is time to beam up.

Underprise! Underprise!

Beam up me.

Zzz...

That's not star trek!

That's just you two refugees pretending!

You should be arrested!

Is true!

Thank you!

Would you like me to sign my face for you?

What kind of blockbuster store is this?

No, no, no, no. We are not blockbuster.

We are blockblister!

Blockblister?

Yes. We better!

Much better!

How you be paying to me?

I won't!

Oh... Oh... Oh...

Live long and suffer!

Suffer!

All right, I rented the brady bunch last evening,

But this is not the brady bunch that I'm aware of.

Oh, no. You no ask for the brady bunch.

You ask for the brady brunch.

Brunch? Just play this tape on your vcr machine.

You'll see what's what.

I have hairs of gold.

Just like your mother.

The youngest one, she is in curls.

You know, my father, he has boys of his own.

Yes. This is the way that we become the brady brunch.

Oh, look. Here comes our lonely housekeeper, the alice.

Clean your rooms now.

Oh, alice.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

♪ The brady brunch

♪ The brady brunch

♪ This is where we become the brady brunch ♪

[Singing gibberish]

Those were not the bradys.

They weren't even a bunch.

Yes! This movie better!

Much better!

No. You people are peculiar.

Every year for years,

I've rented a brady film to celebrate my release from the clinic,

But this year, there were no bradys, no bunch, no joy.

Just--just this piece of horribleness!

Brady brunch?

What do you think I am, some kind of cock-a-doodle-doo?

I ought to--oh!

I ought to--oh!

Oh, the panic att*ck! Call the clinic!

Papa, this man, he fall asleep on our floor!

Yes.

This means that he was knocked out by our wonderful comedy.

Then let us dance!

Yes!

Shake it!

Hey, have you guys met that new kid in school?

What's her name, uh, wanda?

Yeah, you know,

She's in my history class.

I think she's a witch.

Oh, come on,

There's no such thing as witches.

Shh! Shh! She's coming!

Hello, my little pretties!

What were you all whispering about?

All: nothing, just chilling.

Sorry I'm late, children.

Take your seats.

All right, today we'll be discussing the bill of rights.

I will put them on the board.

What are you staring at, my dear?

Wanda, um, are you a witch?

Yeah, are you?

No, I'm not a witch!

Ok, then how do you explain that nose

And that wart.

And what about your hat?

Oh, I'm uh, from canada.

I think you're a witch.

How dare you say that!

Now you'll pay!

Eyes of a newt, fur of a dog,

Turn this girl into a frog!

She turned her into a frog!

Stanley.

Why are you talking in class?

Well, because wanda's a witch.

Young man, in this class we do not call people names.

But I seriously think wanda's a witch.

Again he says it!

Well, why on earth would you call wanda a witch?

Well, look how she's dressed!

And she just turned melanie into a frog,

And she brought her lunch.

Lots of children bring their lunch to school.

In a cauldron?

Teacher: all right, young man.

Not one more outburst, understood?

Yes, ma'am.

Good.

I will now turn my back

And continue writing on the board.

So, joey, would you like to take me to the school dance?

Uh, i-i-i don't think so.

Then fear my wrath!

O treacherous night, so dark and silly,

Turn this boy into a bowl of chili!

Did you see that? Chili!

What now?

Wanda is a witch!

I am not!

Then how did you just turn joey into a bowl of chili?

How do you know joey wasn't already a bowl of chili

When he got here?

What?

Why don't you just admit you're a witch?

I'm simply canadian.

Class!

We do not accuse canadians of things without proof.

Proof?

Look! Hat, frog, chili, cauldron!

What do you want?

Ms. Carter, they're making me feel all bad.

Oh, wanda, I'm sorry.

Class, since you can't behave,

I am going to give you a pop quiz.

Pop quiz!

No need for rain, no need for snow,

To stop this pop quiz, let the west winds blow!

My goodness, I better call maintenance

And have them check out that darn air conditioner.

Ms. Carter, it isn't the air conditioning.

Wanda's a witch.

Ms. Carter!

Oh, stanley, no one else in the class thinks wanda's a witch!

All: yeah, we do.

Thieves and robbers and freaks and tramps,

Turn these people into lamps!

Now will you get my point?

She just turned them all into lamps!

Well, it could be a coincidence.

Oh, man!

Wanda, would you run and get janitor manfred?

I want him to take a look at the air conditioning.

Yes, ma'am.

Ha hee hee hee!

Ha hee hee hee hee!

Ok, did you see that?

She's flying a broom!

I'm telling you, she's a witch!

A witch!

Now do you belieeeeeve she's a witch?

Eh, could be.

It's time for a hillbilly moment!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Crocodile bone.

Crocodile bone who?

I'm gonna hit you in the head with a crocodile bone.

Heh heh. Huh?

That's good.

Pardon me, person!

Yeah?

Do you work here on the amanda show?

Yeah, I'm the prop guy. See?

"Prop room."

Oh!

I've seen all these props on the amanda show,please.

Yep. This is where I keep all the props for the show.

Oh! Here are judge trudy's glasses.

Here's a tape from the blockblister.

Here's her rock-a-bye ralph!

And there's her robocontrol underpants!

I must have these items, please!

You can't have these props.

Of course you can have these props.

Of course you can have these props.

You deserve these props

Because you're amanda's number one fan, please.

You deserve these props

Because you're amanda's number one fan, please.

I'd love to see your website

Www.amandaplease.com

I'd love to see your website

Www.amandaplease.com.

Well, since you asked.

View my laptop!

Here's the homepage, which I modify frequently, please.

This week I'm featuring a new game called hillbilly whacking.

See the hillbillies? Well, if you log on to amandaplease.com,

You can make the girl hillbilly whack the boy hillbilly.

Like this. Whack, please.

Whack, please.

Whack, please.

That felt good.

Now let's view the amanda video clip of the week.

Watch as amanda corrects a mistaken umbrella.

You are wrong, umbrella!

You are not right!

Everything you did is wrong!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Wrong is what you are!

You're wrong!

Wrong!

Penelope: she certainly told that umbrella a thing or two!

Now back to the homepage for many more amanda clickable items.

That may be the best darn website I've ever seen.

No duh, please.

Now let me help you get those props over to your bike, please.

Now let me help you get those props over to your bike, please.

Excellent!

Excellent!

Stop repeating what I say, please.

Stop repeating what I say, please.

Quit it!

All right.

Announcer: from his garage, it's totally kyle!

Um, one time, I had, like, this lucky sock,

Um...

I was, like, wearing it,

When I found this sandwich, you know, just lying around.

So the sock was obviously lucky.

But then one night, I was spending the night

Over at my friend tofer's house,

And i, like, lost it.

You know, the sock.

Ok.

Announcer: that's totally kyle!

Kyle: totally!

Excuse me.

May I have your attention?

Thank you.

I'm so sorry to announce that our regular musicians

Will not be able to perform tonight.

Audience: aw.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

But we are very lucky

To have gotten a replacement music act.

So please welcome melody warble and her guitar player, thad.

Thank you. Thanks very much.

I'm melody.

[Silence]

Thank you.

I'm thad.

Are you all enjoying your dinner?

[Light applause]

Great. Terrific.

I'm thad.

All right, let's not waste any more time here.

How about a song, thad?

Sounds good, melody.

All right. I think you'll enjoy this.

It's about people just like you eating in a restaurant!

And-a one, two!

♪ One time I ate in a restaurant ♪

♪ The food was disgusting and bad ♪

♪ The spaghetti had fungus, the rats were humongous ♪

♪ And the waitress threw up on my dad ♪

♪ Then my brother, he ordered a chicken breast ♪

♪ It smelled and was starting to rot ♪

♪ The meatloaf had worms, and the gravy had germs ♪

♪ And it tasted like somebody's snot ♪

♪ Bring me a bag, I am vomiting ♪

Ooh ooh!

Excuse me, I am so sorry.

I think maybe it would be better

If you did not sing songs about vomiting and snot.

Why not?

Well, the people here are trying to eat their dinner!

Could you sing another song?

Sure.

Ok.

Oh, you know, there's a little girl over there

Celebrating a birthday.

Could you sing something for her?

Sure.

Whose birthday is it today?

Ah, there she is.

Come along, thad.

Hello, little birthday girl.

What's your name?

Rebecca fumay. And this is my mom and dad,

And these are my best friends.

Melody: oh, how nice!

Would you like to hear a little birthday song?

Yeah!

[Rapping] ♪ it's your birthday today

♪ That's what I've been told

♪ You're another day older, and you're still gettin' old ♪

♪ Soon you'll be livin' out in the street ♪

♪ 'Cause your mama don't love ya and you got smelly feet ♪

♪ You'll be living in a gutter ♪

♪ All cold and alone

♪ You won't got no friends 'cause you ain't got no phone ♪

♪ So happy birthday, loser

♪ Loser, you're a loser

♪ Happy birthday, loser, loser, you're a loser ♪

♪ Livin' in the street all cold and alone ♪

♪ Your mama don't love you--

Oh! Excuse me! No, no, no, no, no!

Not to be rude, but I think--

Oh, your song is upsetting the children!

How do you mean?

What are you trying to say?

Just, uh...

Oh, could you sing something else?

Sure! How about a country song?

Ok, thad.

This is a little song called I wish I had some hair.

♪ Well, look who's bald

♪ You got no hair

♪ You're terribly bald

♪ I do declare

♪ Bald, bald, you're very bald ♪

♪ Hair, hair, it just ain't there ♪

♪ Well, look who's bald

♪ I think it's you

♪ Don't you wish you had hair? ♪

♪ I bet you do

♪ You ain't got no hair ♪

♪ No hair at all

♪ Look at you fellas, you're terribly bald ♪

Ok! Is everyone having a great time tonight?

Audience: yeah!

Wow! Does anybody have a question they'd like to ask?

Um...

Guard: hey!

Where are you going with those props?

Sir! My name is penelope taynt.

Yeah, I know. Amanda's number one fan.

Correct. I'm taking these props to my home, please.

Once there, I will keep some for myself,

And I will give the rest of them away

To other amanda fans via my amanda website,

Www.amandaplease.com.

You can't give away these props on your website!

They belong to the amanda show!

This security guard thinks your mother resembles a large cow.

My mother is not a large cow!

I never said that!

I heard what you said!

I never said that about your mother.

What about your mother?

Penelope: fare thee well!

We saw nothing.

Right.