02x13 - Episode 13

[bunniefuu]

[Knocking] it's open.

Amanda?

Phillip. How are you doing?

Hey, great. Thanks for having me on the show.

Of course. Are you excited?

Yeah. I was just going through the script. There's a lot of stuff.

I know. We're going to have so much fun.

Uh, amanda. Drake got his foot caught in the toilet again.

Can you give us a hand?

Sure. Back in a sec.

[Sawing sounds]

Amanda?

Who are you?

My name is penelope taynt.

I'm amanda's number one fan, please.

Who are you, please?

I'm phillip.

And why are you here?

Well, I do another show for nickelodeon.

It's called noah knows best.

Is amanda in it? No.

Well, then apparently you don't know best, now do ya?

Look, I really need to go over these lines for tonight's show, so--

You'regoing to be in the amanda show?

Yeah.

Oh, so if you were to, I don't know...disappear,

Then amanda would have to come looking for you, now wouldn't she?

I suppose so.

Sleep tight, moses!

♪ A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

[Cheers and applause]

Thanks, my name's amanda,

And I'm the healthy part of this balanced breakfast!

Thank you. Ok, so the other day I was counting to infinity, right,

And I got all the way up to--

[Beeping]

That's my pager. Hang on a sec.

Oh, no! This looks like an emergency.

[Muttering]

Hi. You paged me?

Yeah. My cat's stuck up in the tree.

Ok, hang on.

[Meowing]

Thanks, lady.

No prob.

[Cheering and applause]

Sorry about that!

I got this weird page from a little boy

Whose cat was stuck in a tree, so I had to--

[Beeping]

Oh, no. This looks bad.

I'll be right back!

[Chatter]

Hi. I got your page.

How long has he been down?

About minutes.

Ok, give me room.

No heartbeat.

This is terrible.

Clear!

, , , , .

I got a pulse!

Oh, great.

Oh! Help him up.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm alive!

[Cheering and applause]

Good luck.

[Cheering and applause]

I don't understand what's going on with all these pages.

I just had to give a man cpr. Oh, well!

Excuse me, amanda.

Hi.

I'm a paramedic,

And I think somehow,

We got our pagers switched.

Oh, my gosh, you're right. Here you go.

Thanks.

Oh, wait. Did you get any of my pages?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I went to the mall with jillian,

And I got this skirt...

On sale.

Oh, geez, you know, I got to go.

I'm gonna meet your mom at the salon.

We're getting our nails done.

[Choking]

Sir, that clown is choking. Shouldn't you help her?

[Choking]

Oh, geez, you know, I would,

But I'm late for my manicure. See ya.

[Choking]

Oh, well.

Stick around. We'll be back in a sec

With new stuff.

[Choking]

Oh, well.bye-bye fun.

We just need the boost.

It's too high!

Not for the boost.

What boost?

The boost! I'll show ya.

[Ringing]

[Tires squeal]

Someone need a boost?

[Siren wails]

No prob.

Wow! Thanks, the boost.

Don't thank me. It's my job.

[Ringing]

Uh-oh. Trouble. Ciao.

Our day is ruined.

Someone need a boost?

[Siren wails]

I love you, the boost.

Don't love me. It's my job.

Announcer: when you need a boost, get the boost.

Comes with cool-looking beeper

And -hour access to a tall man with a car.

You rock, boost.

I don't rock. It's my job.

[Ringing]

Announcer: the next time you need a boost, call the boost!

I lift people.

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

[Bell dings]

Hi there.

Welcome to jerky dooper.

Would you like to try one of our delicious jerkies?

Now am I crazy, or did this place used to sell cookies?

Uh...that's really none of your business.

The important thing now is...

We're jerky people.we're jerky people.

Well, I do love jerky.

Who doesn't?

What kind of jerky would you like?

Hmm. I think I'll just try some regular old beef jerky.

Well, we don't carry "beef" jerky.

That never occurred to us.

But we do have monkey jerky.

Monkey jerky?!

Made from fresh monkeys.

Ewww! Isn't that illegal?

We won't tell if you won't.

Ok, but I don't think I want any monkey jerky.

Oh, well, then try rat jerky.

Rat?!

It's made from our very own rats.

We find them in our kitchen.

Got another rat.

Not now, grandpa!

Oh! You people are freaky.

Once again--frea-ky!

Daddy! That woman didn't buy any of our jerky!

It's ok, baby.

We'll just pray that bad things happen to her.

Ok, daddy.

Hi there. Welcome to jerky dooper.

What kind of jerky can we get you?

I thought you people sold sushi.

I'll thank you never to mention that again.

We're cookie people--

Jerky people.

Well, I do love jerky, but I don't eat the red meat.

Do you have any turkey jerky?

No, but we have...

Skunk butt jerky.

Skunk butt?

And porcupine jerky.

Porcupine?

We even have...

Diaper jerky!

Diaper?

It's made from real--

I don't want to know what it's made from.

Maybe you'd rather try our garbage jerky.

It's tasty, and it's good for the environment.

[Bell dings]

Ooh! It's ready now.

Open up the smoker and take it out, baby.

I'll do it, daddy.

[Coughing]

Grandpa!

What are you doing in the jerky smoker, old man?

I don't know...

But I like it.

You people give dried meats a bad name.

Hello, officer. Welcome to jerky dooper.

Can we interest you in one of our extra special jerkies?

Why yes. As a law enforcement officer, I enjoy jerky.

Try this.

It's goo-oo-ood!

Mmmm! Mmmm!

Mmm. That is good.

What do you call this jerky?

We call it alien abduction jerky.

Now why would you call it "alien abduction jerky?"

Well... Well...

Oh no...

Not again.

Oh, daddy.

I think we really are jerky people.

I think so, baby. I think so.

Oh, daddy!

Director: and clear! Ok, relax everybody.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get ready for the next one.

Yo, yo, yo. It's...

Hi, and welcome to my jacuzzi.

Today my special guest is amelia earhardt.

Hi. Now amelia, I've heard you were

One of the first women to pilot an airplane?

That's right. I'm one of the first female pilots.

Cool. And once you tried to fly across the ocean or something

But got lost and were never seen again.

Yes, I disappeared and was never found.

And is it also true that you once swallowed a live raccoon whole?

No, no, it was dead.

Oh, I see.

Well, how about a plate of spaghetti?

Mmm, yummy.

That was...

Yo, yo, yo.

Bye. Good-bye.

This is a bathroom in downtown north dakota.

We locked strange people in here.

Stranded in a bathtub.

These peculiar people are...

And...

The rules: you step out of the tub, you lose.

The prize goes to the last person remaining in the bathtub.

Now, let's see how long these strange people

Can stand each other in a bathtub...

Yay! Yay! The contest has started!

Yay! Yay! Yay!

[Giggling goofily]

My name's courtney.

Who's there?

Maaa-ha!

My name is mr. Gullible.

I lost this contest the last time,

But this time I'm gonna win.

Oh, like you already won.

Really?!

Yeah. Congratulations.

[Eenis giggling]

Marcie: yay! Yay!

Your prize is right out there.

Oh, that was easier than I thought.

[Sirens wail]

Oh, no, it happened again!

Wait! I'm angry with all of you!

Thanks for playing.

[Goofy giggling]

With mr. Gullible gone,

Only participants remain.

On day , they start getting on each other's nerves.

You have pretty hair. I like it, I like it, I like it!

Thanks. My hair is one of the many reasons why I'm so popular.

My foster mother says I have pretty hair, too.

Wanna touch it? Wanna? Wanna?

Wanna--wanna--wanna-- wanna--wanna--wanna?

Maaa-ha! Huh?

Maaa-ha!don't do that.

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Maaa-ha! Stop it!

Doll.

Oooh. Oh, a dolly. Thank you.

Oh, I love-love- love dollies.

Maaa-ha!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

[Siren wails]

Grrrrr!

Only three participants remain.

They're hungry. They're tired.

And they're still...stranded.

Now, it's time to vote on of their own out of the tub.

Who will it be?

What? You can't vote me out.

I'm the most popular person in the tub.

Huh huh. I voted her out.

So yous and me can be alone.

What?

You're purtier than my sister.

Uhhhhhhhhh! Ew!

[Giggling]

There, I vote myself out,

Because you disgust me.

Who's there?

Can you please get me away from him?

Thank you. Uh-huh. Yeah. Finally. Bye.

Day .

Only two contestants remain:

Courtney and eenis.

They're exhausted, delirious,

But one of them is going to be a millionaire.

Which freak will it be?

Who's there?

Who's there?

[Blowing]

Hey! What's this?

Snot.

That's good.

Tell me a knock knock joke.

Maaa-ha!

Please tell me a knock knock joke.

I really need a knock knocker. Please tell me one.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Who's there?

Who's there? I know someone's there.

I heard a knock knock.

Who's there? Who's there?

Ohhhhhh!

[Siren wails]

Who's there?

Who's there?

And the winner...

Courtney.

Maaa-ha!

That's right. Dance...dance...dance.

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

[Ringing]

Hello? Oh, hi margie.

Guess what? Phillip asked me to the hulathon!

Yes, the hulathon!

Oops, I think I heard him at the door. Bye!

Phillip?

[Out of character] phillip?

Phillip?

Oh, amanda. Where's phillip?

No one can find him. What?!

Can you please just let me go?

No.

The show's gotta be half over by now.

Correct. Soon amanda will have to come looking for you, please.

Look, I've really gotta get out of here,

I've got my own amanda website, you know.

Www.amandaplease.com.

Your own website. Can I see that?

Of course. View my laptop.

Here's the homepage,

With plenty of clickable items to click upon.

And here's the fact of the day about amanda.

Wow. You know what else you can write about on the website?

What, please?

My escape.

I don't think so!

My wrist. You fractured my wrist.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Are you sure it's broken?

Well let's see. I'll press this button on my watch here.

Sleep tight, moses.

♪♪♪

From his garage, it's totally kyle.

Um, one time, I had this mosquito bite,

And it was all, like...itchy.

So i, like, scratched it,

But then it got all itchy again,

So i, like, scratched it again,

But then it got all itchy again,

So I scratched it...again.

Then it got itchy...again.

So I like scratched it...again.

Announcer: that was totally kyle.

Totally!

♪♪♪

Thank you. Thanks, you guys.

Ok, to close the show, I thought I'd show you guys

How I shellac my pants with this lemon butter sauce--

Amanda! Amanda!

Where have you been?

Some crazy lunatic tied me up in a closet back there.

Whoa, really? Are you ok?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I escaped while she was b*ating up some security guard.

Gosh, I'm really sorry.

Well, if you can untie me, we can get on with the show.

Oh...[Laughs nervously]

Well...the show's sorta over.

Over?

Yeah...see?

Ok, that's our show.

I gotta go punish a water balloon. See ya!

Hey, there you are!

Come back here, moses.

Look, my name is noah, and would you please just leave me alone--

Nighty-night, moses.


Amanda, please.