02x16 - Episode 16

[bunniefuu]

All right, everyone please have

Your amanda showtickets ready for me, please.

Thank you, your ticket, please, thank you,

Ticket. Thank you very much. Ticket...

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Farewell, guard.

Look! See who's getting out of that limo?

Princess, over here.princess!

Amanda?

It's princess whiff and sir chats alot!

Oh, my god!

[Commotion]

Hey. Hey, nobody gets in here without a ticket.

All right?

See this badge? That means that iam in charge.

And nothing gets past me. All right?

Hear what I'm saying? You got it? Huh?

Where's the beef? Na-noo na-noo?

Sit on it! Skidoo!

That's a-some-a speecy-spicy meatball.

You look marvelous! Whatchoo talking about, willis?

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

Hi-ho, silver! I've been a bad boy.

Dynomite! Wassup?!

Princess whiff!princess whiff!

It's you!

You're the world's greatest ventriloquist, princess whiff?

It's not "whiff" it's "whiff!"

Whatever. I understand that you'll be performing tonight on the amanda show?

That's right. And who are you?

I'm, uh, barney shlavin with, uh, security, please.

May I show you to your dressing room?

Oh, certainly. Ha-which way?

This ha-way.

♪ A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you. My name's amanda

And nickelodeon pays me to do this!

Thanks, you guys.

Ok, I'm going to tell you this really funny story.

The other day I was shopping at the mall when my--

[Speaking italian]

Excuse me?

[Speaking italian]

I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're saying.

Um, you're from italy?

[Speaking italian]

I'm sorry, but I don't speak italian.

Uh, amanda?

My wife speaks italian.

Oh, great. You wanna come up here?

[Cheers and applause]

Thanks for helping out. You wanna translate what this man is saying?

Um, do you want to help me translate here?

Hello?

Oh, amanda. My wife onlyspeaks italian. No english.

Amanda, I speak both english and italian.

Oh, great. Come on up here.

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, so you wanna translate for me?

Sure. Thanks.

[Speaking italian]

[Speaking italian]

Ah. He says he's about to explode.

Oh, he's about to explode.

Uh, stick around.

I'll be back in a sec to do stuff. Whoo!

[Boom]

[Ringing]

Hey, come on. We're gonna be late for class.

I can't go to class!

Bevan will be there, and I have this hairy mole.

Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!

Oooh! Gross!

I've tried creams, ointments, cover-ups--

Nothing works!

Then what you need is...

Little crazy hat man? What's that?

Put it on.

Now what?

Just look.

Hi! Don't look at her hairy mole!

Look at me! Ha ha! Mmmmm-bahhhhhh!

Wow! There's a man in my hat!

Nobody will look at your hairy mole

When you've got an insane man in your hat.

That's right!

Mmmm-haaa-blblblblbl!

Let's go test it.

Hi, bevan. Want to go to a movie this weekend?

I don't know--ahhhhhhh!

Hey, dude, don't look at her face!

Look at me! Ha ha arghhhhhhhhh!

Beedle--beedle-baahhhhhh!

Mmmmm-broooooo!

Wow! I was so distracted by that man in your hat

I completely forgot about your disgusting mole!

So, is it a date?

Say yes! Say yes, ha ha!

It's a date!

Thanks, little crazy hat man.

Yeah, whatever!

[Belches loudly]

Announcer: little crazy hat man!

I'm crazy and I'm in your hat!

Ha ha! Mmmmm-blblblblblbl!

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

Good evening. I'm amanda.

You may know me as graptor,

The -foot tall gorilla warrior.

There's a tragedy sweeping our nation

That deserves our attention.

The sad truth is very few people know what to do...

When school mascots att*ck.

We're all familiar with high school mascots.

On the field they're the limber, peppy,

Furry crusaders of school spirit.

But after the game, these mascots can turn ugly.

We've all heard about these horrifying att*cks,

But now, caught on videotape,

You're about to actually witness one of these actual events

Just as it actually happened.

Notice the bride and groom

Staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

Now keep your eye on the left side of your screen.

Here come the mascots.

They att*ck the couple, and give them a mascot mauling.

Ah!

Horrible to watch,

So let's look at it again in slow motion.

The poor couple didn't have a chance.

They never saw the mascots...

Until they att*cked!

There I was, finally getting married,

When these--these mascots att*cked.

I haven't seen my man since.

So please, if there's any man out there...

Any...any man at all,

[Softly] anyone. I'm very flexible.

That poor, unappealing woman.

Now let's take a look at what happened

To a couple of boy scouts on a camping trip.

Watch the tent.

You see the boy scout come out to greet the new morning.

So happy, until...

He's att*cked by mascots!

He tries to get away,

But the mascots are too fast and too vicious.

Too bad they don't give merit badges for bruises.

It turns my stomach to see a b*ating like that,

So let's take another look at it in slow motion.

The poor scouts were no match

For three fuzzy, deranged mascots.

I had just woken up.

He snores! Timmy!

Sorry.

Anyway, I was looking forward to a day of scouting

When...when...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

It's ok. It's ok to cry.

But I'm a scout!

The mascots att*cked us.

They slapped my thighs!

The beaver bit me.

They dented my canteen!

They called us dorks.

Ow! Ow!

Maybe...we aredorks!

Don't say that.

They don't let dorks be scouts.

Maybe...they do!

Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh!

We're going to be downgraded to webelos.

[Both sobbing loudly]

Those poor, poor dorks.

If you witness an att*ck by a school mascot,

Please call our emergency hotline...

Thank you.

Please tune in next week wh--

Whoa! Ah! Ahhhhhhh!

Yo, yo, yo. It's...

Hi, welcome to my jacuzzi.

Today my special guest is moses.

So moses, you're like really old, yeah?

Indeed. I was born thousands of years ago.

Uh-huh, and have you always had that beard?

As long as I can remember.

Interesting. Now is it also true

That you can put both of your feet inside your mouth at the same time?

I don't know.

No, I'm afraid not.

I see. Well, how about a plate of spaghetti?

Yes, I'd like that.

That was...

Yo, yo, yo.

Bye-bye!

Quack-quack.

Ok, your turn, dad.

All righty.

Oh, "take a card."

Well, let's see what it says.

Oh. We all lose.

Ah.

[Thunder rumbles]

Uh-oh. I'd better shut the window.

Sounds like a bad thunderstorm.

Oh, and mindy's still out there selling cookies.

I hope she doesn't get struck by lightning.

Oh, come on, son.

The chances of getting struck by lightning are like one in a--

[Sizzling]

Are you all right?

Wow! I actually got struck by lightning.

What are the odds of that?

Like you said, the odds of getting struck by lighting are one in a--

Man, lightning hurts!

Bad!

Uh, mom, mom, I think dinner's burning.

No, no. That's just me, son.

I'm home.

Mindy. What happened?

Are you all right?

You're never gonna believe what happened.

You were struck by lightning?

Four times.

Did you sell any cookies?

Yeah, I sold boxes.

Look at all the money I made for my troop.

Awesome!wow!

Look at that.

All right. This is a robbery!

I gotta go.

[All groaning]

That sure was some bad luck.

Well, at least he didn't hurt us.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My gosh. That hurt.

Hey, look. They're about to announce

The winning lottery numbers on tv.

Oh, let's see.

Tv: and the winning lottery numbers are...

...

[All cheering]

...

I don't believe it!

...

Come on, one more!

One number to go? I really think we're gonna win!

Come on, !

Tv: and the final winning number is...

!

[All cheering]

We won! We won!

Hey!

Hey...

That dog just snatched our winning lottery ticket.

Right out of my hand.

And we don't even have a dog.

What are the odds of that?

Dog! Here dog! Doggie!

Ow!

Oh, are you ok, baby?

No, I think that's gonna cause some permanent damage.

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hi, are you mindy luckless? Yes.

Did this man just rob you?

Yes, he did.

Well, don't worry about it,

Because I just captured him and I'm gonna--

[All groaning]

He escaped! What are the odds of that?

Well, at least we got your money back. Yeah.

Now don't be upset.

The important thing is nobody got hurt.

Yeah. That's right.

Oh!

That was some bad luck.

Ok, see ya.

Wow, that was unlikely.

Sure was.

Why don't we all relax and watch some tv?

Oh, that sounds reasonable.

Tv: this just in.

An asteroid is heading towards the planet earth.

An asteroid? Oh, no!

Tv: but don't be concerned.

The chances of the asteroid hitting your home are over billion to one.

Did you hear that? The chances of that asteroid

Hitting our home are over billion to one.

Whew!

[Whistling]

[All groaning]

Didn't see that one coming.

Boy, I'll say.

What are the odds of that?

It's time for a...

[Both laughing goofily]

Hey-hey! Knock knock.

Who's there?

Bowlin' ball.

Bowlin' ball who?

I'm gonna hit you in the head with a bowlin' ball.

Huh?

That's good. Yup.

[Both giggling]

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

Excuse me. Miss. Yes, please?

How soon before I go on?

Soon enough.

Well, do I have time for a rehearsal?

Whatever, whiff.

Excellent.

This is my dear friend,

The noble sir chats alot.

Isn't that true, sir chats alot?

It is true, lady whiff.

And are you so excited

About performing on the amanda show tonight?

Indeed. I hear we're to be introduced by amanda herself.

Wait!

You and your puppet are going to be introduced by amanda?!

Of course! Please don't refer to sir chats alot as a puppet.

He prefers to be known as little wooden mannequin.

Yeah, sure, please. Hey whiff. Look over there.

What? Where?

What? I don't see anything.

Chatsy!

Ah! What happened?!

Oh, chatsy! Ah! Ah!

♪♪♪

Announcer: from his garage, it's totally kyle.

Um, one time, I was like playing a song...

On...my guitar...

This one...

And then, like, a string broke,

So there were only like... Strings left...

That weren't broke...

On my guitar...

But one was still broke...

So I tickled my sister.

Announcer: that was totally kyle.

Totally!

♪♪♪

[Dialing]

[Ringing]

Children are the opposite of good!

Hello?

Hello. Please pick up your dog.

But I don't have a dog!

Pick up your dog.

Oh!

I have a dog!

Good. Now ask the dog to marry you.

But we just met.

Ask the dog to marry you.

I don't wanna ask the dog to--

Will you marry me?

[Whimpers]

He says yes.

I know pronounce you dog and husband.

You do?

You may kiss the dog.

I'd...rather not.

Kiss it!

All right.

There, I done it. I kissed the dog.

But I think you've got the wrong number.

Hello? My bride has fleas.

Hello? Where did this dog come from?

Yes, dear. I mean-- yes, dear. I mean--

Yes, dear. Dear, I'm on the phone!

Hello? You have the wrong number.

Whoo!

Thanks, you guys.

I'm so glad you guys are such a great audience

Because you're about to be entertained

By the world's greatest ventriloquist!

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, chatsy! How I loved him!

My life is ruined!

[Sobbing]

Princess whiff!

Princess whiff. Ha-whiff!

Whatever. You're on in one minute.

But--no buts. Amanda's just about to introduce you.

What'll I do?

Well, I do have a suggestion...please.

So here we go. Let's give a warm welcome

To the world's greatest ventriloquist,

Princess whiff and her noble friend, sir chats alot.

[Cheers and applause]

Forsooth, sir chats alot,

How are you this fine evening?

Take me to meet amanda.

Sir chats alot, don't you want to

Discuss dragons and whatnot?

Quiet, whiff, I must meet amanda.

Sir chats alot!

Where's amanda, please?

You're ruining everything.

Stop speaking. Amanda?

Be quiet!

You!

That's it!

Defend thyself!

Bring it, whiff.

It's ha-whiff!

Ahhhhh!

Help. Get off me, crazy lady, please.

You k*lled my chatsy!

[Screaming]

Crazy lady!

Amanda?

Chatsy!

Uh, ok, well that's our show.

I've gotta go give my parents their allowance.

See ya!

Amanda, please.