03x04 - The Chicago Witch Trials

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ It's kenan and kel,
or should I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ 'Cause they're always
getting caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like zigfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here it go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪

Captioning made possible by
nickelodeon
and u.s. Department of education

Thank you very much!

Wow, thank you
so much!

Thanks for coming
out to the show.

My parents
named me kenan!

[Cheers and applause]

And, uh, my parents
named me kel!

[Cheers and applause]

Well, I hope you guys
enjoy tonight's show!

All righty then!
Aw, here goes.

Uh, uh, uh, hold!
Hold the door there,
zippy!

Why you saying
aw, here it goes?

Well, everyone knew
I was gonna say it...
Eventually.

Bye.

We don't know that.

Yes, we do!

You come out here

And you say something
mysterious about
tonight's show,

Then you walk away.

Then I get all frustrated
and say, aw, here it goes!

No!

Yes. It happens
every show.

Kel, I promise I won't
say anything about
tonight's show.

You won't?
You're not gonna
say anything about
tonight's show?

I promise.

[Dramatic music]

Hey, hey, hey!

What was that?

That probably has
something to do with
tonight's show.

But I promised
I wouldn't say
anything.

But it sounded scary!

I know.

Is tonight's show...
[High voice] scary?

I can't tell ya, kel.
I can't break my
promise to ya.

I'm your buddy.

But--but--but--

Now come on!

[Dramatic music]

There it goes again.
It was longer
the second time.

Boy, I tell ya.

Kenan! Kenan!

All right!

You can tell me about
tonight's show!

Kenan! Kenan!

Aw, here it goes!

Kenan! [Pants]

Neighbor!

Eh--ow! Hey, mark. O.k.

Down, boy.

I saw you leave
for school this
morning.

I tried to catch you
so we could walk
together.

Oh...really?

Yeah!

I kept yelling
your name.

I can't believe
you didn't hear
me.

I almost caught up
to you, and then
you started jogging.

Really fast.

Well, you know me.

I like to get
that exercise, boy...

Maybe tomorrow...

Neighbor!

[Imitates mark]
yeah, uh, o.k.,
Neighbor.

Now just sit on down,
man!

It's learning time.

Hey, kenan,
what's happening?

Hey, mark,
what's happening,
brother?

Ha ha ha! Yeah!

Hey, charla.

Kenan. Hey, kel.

[Gasps] mark!

♪ Charlaaa! ♪

Again with the huggin'.

Um, you guys,
this is becky.

She just moved here,
and this is her first
day,

So, kenan, she doesn't
dislike you...yet.

Well, if she hanging
with you, she can't be
too picky! Ha ha ha!

That's--glad to
meet you, becky.

Hey, uh, what's up?

Hi!

Orange soda?

I loveorange soda.

Who loves
orange soda?

Kel and becky
love orange soda.

Is it true?

Mm-hmm!
Mm-hmm!

Both: we do,we do,we do!

Ooh!

Who thinks you're
a couple of freaks?

I do, I do, I do, ooh!

[Bell rings]

Good morning, class!

Good morning,
mrs. Stogie!

Thank you, mark.
Take your seat.

You must be
our new student.

Yes.
Becky?

All right,
today we're gonna
be talking about
witchcraft.

And we're gonna
start by discussing

The salem
witch trials.

Uh...which trials?

Yes. The witch trials.

No, um, which trials
are you talking about?

Salem witch trials.

Stogie's
all confused.

She doesn't
understand me.

Kel, the woman
is talking about
witch trials!

You know, trials
about witches?

Witchcraft?

The woman...
Is talking about
witchcraft.

Which craft
are ya talking about?

I mean, there are
a lot of crafts,

You know, like, uh,
arts and crafts,

Cooking crafts!

Please!

Don't speak!

Give it here!

Thank you, kenan.

Thank you. Now...

Can anyone tell me
something about the
salem witch trials?

Becky.

The salem witch trials

Were held in salem,
massachusetts
in the year .

Very good!

People were
falsely accused of
being witches.

With little
or no evidence,
they were put to
death.

Well, maybe they were
witches.

Oh, come on.

Everybody knows
that there's no such
thing as witches.

That's not true.

There are witches.

There are a lot
of witches.

Well, it...is true

That people actually
still practice witchcraft.

That's right.
But that doesn't make them
evil monsters.

Most of the people
who practice witchcraft

Are normal people
like you or you...

Or me.

Ah...n-n-normal people...

Like you.

Oh!

She loves me. Oh!

She loves me not.
Uh-oh!

♪ She loves me! ♪

She's a witch!
A witch, I tell ya!

Pfft. Becky's not a witch.

She's too pretty
to be a witch.

Plus...
♪ She loves orange soda ♪

Kel, you heard
how much she knows
about witchcraft

And those salem
witch trials.

So, I know
all that stuff, too.

Yeah, but--
no, you don't!

Oh, yeah, I don't!

Kel, you shoulda saw
the way she looked
at me, man.

It was all weird
and evil, like this!

And then my chair broke!
How do you explain that?

Maybe your chair
is a witch!

Kel, my chair
isn't the witch.
She's the witch!

What happened?
Ouch!

I got a paper cut,
man!

Oh, gimme that!

There. It won't be
troubling you any more.

Kel, it wasn't
the paper's fault,
man! It was an acci--

She put a spell on me!

Oh, come on, man!

Man, she put
a spell on me!
I'm telling you!

Ever since
she looked at me weird,

I been having bad luck.

My chair broke,
I got hit in the head
with a soccer ball,

I got doggy doo
on my shoe on the way
to work,

And now I got
a paper cut!

Hey, guys.

Oh!
Oh!

What's the haps?

Chris, what do you
know about witches?

Witches...

Y-y-yeah...
Y-y-yeah...

Come with me
to the back.

Oh...

Kinda bright in here.

Chris: there.

Ah.

Witchcraft.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What do you want to know?

Um...how can you tell
if somebody's a witch?

There are many ways.

Some witches have
a real distinct odor.

Some say they smell
almost...

Like fire!

W-what else?

Some witches
scratch themselves a lot

And have green tongues.

Witches also have feet

That curl up
like crows' feet.

Eeh, eeh.

And remember this.

Witches can cast
good spells and bad spells.

And...

If a witch
doesn't like you,

Aah!oh!
Beware!

Well...

Course, there's no such
thing as witches these days.

Yeah. No such thing.

Y-y-yeah.

Oh, I have to go
pick up mother from
the car wash.

I'll see you later, guys.chris, you can't just leave.

Hi, charla.

And...

Becky.
Becky.

Have you seen
kenan and kel?

They're in back.
They should be out
in a jiff. See ya.

Have you ever noticed
when you eat animal
cookies, you feel...

Look at her!

A witch trying to act
like a normal girl!

I don't know.
I think she's cute!

So? Just because
she's cute doesn't mean
she's not brimming
with evil.

Whatcha think
she wants from us?

You want a green
apple sucker?

Ugh! Those things
are nasty!

Oh! This barbecue sauce
just leaked all over me!

Look at this!

Don't hand that to me.

I'd rather stay
sauceless, thank you.

Will you look at
how much dust is
on this can?

[Both cough]

Hey!

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

That's o.k.

It's got me
all itchy.

I said I was
sorry.

She's scratching!

She's scratching!

Maybe she got some dust
blown on her or something.

Oh, yeah.
That's realistic.

She's a witch!

Oh! Still scratching!

She's still scratching
herself just like a
witch!

Just like a witch does!

Lemme see.

I don't see anybody
scratching.

What?

Hey, is this candy
making my tongue
look all green?

Ahh.

Tongue is green!

Her tongue is green!

And green tongue
plus scratching

Equals witch!

You can't add things
that aren't numbers.

Duh!

I'm gonna see if she
smells like fire.

Kenan,
there you are.

Smells like fire!

Oh, barbecuing!

Maybe she was
on fire.

She wasn't on fire,
kel. She's a witch,
man! She's a witch!

W-which...o-one
of these pictures

Should we keep
on the wall here?

What are you
talking about?
Hey, charla. Hey, becky.

W-why did you change
the subject so abruptly?

Kenan, why did you
just sniff becky

And then walk away
from us without
saying anything?

I have no idea
what you're
talking about.

What are you two
guys doing here?
What you want?

Well, mr. Friendly,
we just came by
to say hi.

Well, you said it.
Now say bye.

Um, kel,

I know how much
you like orange soda,

So I brought
a special orange drink.

I made it myself.

[Shrilly] aah!

I love to experiment
in the kitchen.

I bet you do.

That's cool.
I'll try some right now.

No, kel,
don't drink it!
Do-dri-don--

Oh, he's
drinkin' it!

He drank it!

That's good!
Hey, try some.

No,
fruit basket!

What is wrong
with you?

You are acting
stranger than...
Well, than you usually do.

No, no, no.

I'm chilling, girl--
ah-ah-ah!

Kenan!

Here--

No, no!
Don't touch me!

I don't need any
help from you!

O.k.!

Kenan, man, you are
having some bad luck!

Yeah...

Aren't i?

Hey, kel.

Huh?

Well, charla's
coming over to my house

Tomorrow night
for dinner,

And I wanted to know
if maybe you wanted
to come, too.

You can come, too,
kenan.

Ah!

Well, yeah, sure,
I'll bring the orange
soda.

Then I'll see you
tomorrow night.

All right.
See you then.

Bye.bye, guys.
Cool.

[Exhales]

Oh, man!

I love me some becky!

Kel, why'd you
tell that girl

That we'd go over
her house, man?

She probably just
wants to use her
little wicked powers

And turn us into
frogs or something.

Well, because I wanna go.
I like her.

[Dreamily]
I think I'm in love.

How can you be
in love with a witch,
man? It's--

The drink!
You drank the drink!

It was probably
some kind of a love
potion or something.

W-w-what, kenan?
Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure!
She's a witch!

It's what they do!

Look, man,
I dunno.

Oh!

I almost forgot.

Whoo!

I need a broom.

How much for
this broom?

Here, honey,
I want you to
try this.

It's my new
special homemade
rhubarb pie.

Ooh! It looks good,
baby!

Mm-hmm. It's got
no sugar, no fat,
no oil,

No butter, no filling,
no unhealthy ingredients
whatsoever.

What do you think?!

Good. Good.

Oh! Roger!

I'll get you
another piece, o.k.?

Wow, you really did
like that pie!

Well, how do you explain
all the bad luck I been
having?

I think you're just clumsy.

Kel, I'm not
just clumsy. Aah!

I'm real hurt again.
Hurt again.

This is a bad
situation, kel!

Kenan, is there
something wrong?

You don't wanna
hear about it, pop.

Now, son, you know
you can talk to me
about anything.

Tell your father
what's wrong.

Well--w-what's that
in your pocket?

All right, well...

A witch cast
a bad luck spell on me,

And then she gave kel
some kind of love potion.

How he thinks
he's in love with her.

Talk to your mother.

Did I hear you
correctly? Did you
say a witch?

Yeah. I know
it sounds weird, man,
but she's scratching,

And she got
the green tongue,
and she smells like fire!

♪ And she's cute ♪

Quiet kel!

Bad things keep
happening to me,

And kel thinks
he's in love.
Look at him. See?

Now, kenan,
there's no such thing
as witches.

Did you ever think
that maybe kel
really could be in love?

Please!

He's just a boy!

Maybe she is a witch.

Roger!

Well, if she wants
kel to like her,
there must be something
wrong with her.

Yeah! Wait--

Let's go.

These books'll tell us
how to get rid of that witch.
Come on, kel.

Beware of going
upstairs, boys.

There might be
vampires lurking.

Ha ha ha!

[Sarcastic laughter]

You got some pie
in your pocket!

Oh, does he?

No!

Roger!

We gotta figure out a way

To break the spell
and defeat that witch.

Uh, kenan, all these
books about witches

Are written in
some kind of crazy
witchy language!

Oh!

O.k. Witches. Witches...

Aha! Aha! Here it is!

Here it is!

How to break spells
and defeat a witch.

Ooh, does it say
anything about dating
a witch?

Oh, yeah, right here.
Look real close.
Look real close.

No, it doesn't say
anything about dating
a witch, dizzy!

So why didn't you
just say so?

O.k. Shh!
It says here

That the tongue can be
a very powerful w*apon
in the fight against evil.

Da ton?

Yeah. The tongue. It says
in order to b*at the witch,

We have to bathe all our
personal possessions
in goodness.

Da ton?

Yeah. It makes sense.

So all we gotta do
is bathe all of her
bad stuff in our good saliva.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

You telling me that
we need to go to
this girl's house

And spit all over
her stuff?

No, kel,
that would be silly.
We gonna lick all
of her stuff!

Lick all of her stuff.

That's right, kel.
Tomorrow night,
you and I are gonna
lick evil.

We're gonna
destroy that witch
and free me from
her bad luck spell!

Oh!

Gee, thanks for
letting me borrow your
cooking pot, charla.

Girl, no problem.
I'm sorry I didn't have
anything bigger,

But you know...

[Sniffs]
stew's almost ready.

I hope kel likes it.

Oh, girl, don't be
so nervous!

I mean,
what's the worst
thing that can happen?

He doesn't like
the stew,
he doesn't like you.

Well, thanks.
Now I'm not nervous
at all!

[Doorbell rings]

It's them.

All right, now,
just be yourself.

You look beautiful.

[Cat meows]

Hey!

Hi, guys.hey.

Glad you could
make it. Come in.

Oh, look at that.

She has a black cat.
How about that?

His name's fernando.

Well, I brought you
some orange soda.

And here--
I brought you
some food.

Why would you
bring chicken

When you knew
becky was cooking
dinner--rude?

No...it's just that
I didn't want to
put you out. That's all.

Y-yeah. And kenan
thought eating
the chicken

Would be safer.

Safer?safer?

Uh-uh! He said playfer.
Not safer.

Playfer.

Playfer.
Eating the chicken
would be playfer.

Kenan, w-what's playfer?

Don't know, kel.
You said it, silly.

That's o.k.
I already made
plenty of food.

In fact,
I should check
on the stew. Come on.

Aah!

Would you like to
taste the stew?

Uh, no, not yet.
Maybe never.

Aw, come on.
It's real playfer.

Why don't you guys
make yourselves
comfortable in
the living room?

Charla and I'll
finish up.

Kel seems
a little nervous.

Well, girl, it's
just because
he likes you.

You know how men
can act like
fools.

Will you stop that?!

We don't have
a lot of time, man!
Start licking!

What am I gonna
lick?

I dunno.
Lick anything.

All right.

Hey, hey, hey, kenan!

You should try licking
the couch. It's tasty.

You can't be serious.

Well, it's better
than licking
the table.

Oh, look.
It's fernando.

Should I lick him?

I dunno.
I guess so.

You guys want
a salad or--

Are you licking
my cat?

Uh...

No!

Ha ha.

Apparently
you guys are
pretty hungry.

A little bit.starving.
Ha ha.

Well, dinner's
almost ready.

We'll go finish.

There you go,
fernando.

Boy.

That was close,
kenan,

But...whoo!

Man!

Kenan?

Where you--
kenan, where you--

[Shrilly]
ke-ke-ke-ke-ke!!

Oh, kenan!

She turned you
into a pineapple!

I'm sorry
I didn't believe you!

Kenan, speak to me.
Speak to me!

Kel, what is it?

Oh! You can still
speak!

Oh, kenan!

You!

You--you witch!

What?

Don't play dumb
with me, witch!

Yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh!

You scratch,
you smell like
fire,

And you put
a love spell
on me,

And you turned
my friend kenan
into a vegetable!

I'm not a witch!
That's ridiculous!

Kel, have you lost
what's left of your mind?

I didn't lose
anything!

And this isn't
stew!

This is some
kind of crazy
witchy potion!

[Growls] eeerr!

Run! Run!

Kel, are you crazy?!
Becky's not a witch!

Get this off me!

I'm trying!

Ooh!

Hurry up,
she's attacking!

Get her! Yeah!

Take that,
you evil witch!

Don't stop! Don't stop!

She's not a witch!

I'll show you something!

She a witch!
She a witch!

You a witch!
She got nasty,
claw-like feet!

Show her nasty feet!

You see that? You see--

Yeah, yeah!
See how her feet are...

Perfectly normal.

Ooh. Oh, um...
We sorry.

Come on.
We didn't mean it.

I--i'm sorry.

Are you two insane?

I am not...

A witch!

Oh, yes, you are
a witch!

You turned my friend
kenan into this
pineapple!

Yeah, she sure did! Huh?

Did it ever occur to you
that if she had turned
kenan into that pineapple,

Then he wouldn't be
standing there
talking to you?

Oh, pccch--

Um...um...

Kenan?

Y-yeah?

I--i don't
think becky
is a witch!

Hey, um...

I'm sure we got
plenty of chicken left,

You know, since we
out of stew.
[Groans] oh...

Thank you! Wow!
Thank you.

Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm-mmm-mmm!

You all right, kel?

[Audience groans]

I just coughed up
a hair ball.

Oh, must have came
from when I was
licking that cat.

Eew! Nasty!

Hey, kenan,
so becky wasn't
a witch, huh?

That's right.

So that means
all that bad luck

That was happening to you
was just plain bad luck,
huh?

Right.

That means becky
really wasn't trying
to cast a spell
on me either, huh?

Nope.

So...i really was
in love with her.

Yep.

She really liked
you, man,

And you liked her,
but now she got
stew on her

And want nothing
to do with you.

Well, that's sad.

But kel, I have
the perfect thing
that'll cheer us
right up!

No! No! No
cheering up, please.

Go find
some cheerleaders,
some cheerleaders,

And some cheerleaders,

And meet me
by the pool. Yeah!

Come on, shifty!

Cheerleaders
in the poo--never mind.

Just come on.

Kenan! Come back!

Kenan! Anybody!

I don't wanna go
swimming with any
cheerleaders!

Wait, wait, wait,
wait a minute.

Yes, I do.

I wanna go swimming
with some cheerleaders!

Hey, man, don't leave
without me!

Here I come!
Aw, here it goes!

Why?!