03x19 - The Contest

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ It's kenan and kel,
or should I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ 'Cause they're always
getting caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like zigfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here it go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪

Captioning made possible
by nickelodeon

And the u.s. Department
of education

Thank you so much.

Wow. Hello, out there
in tv land.

My name is kenan.

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you.

Yup, yup. And I'm kenan's
friend and costar, kel!

[Cheers and applause]

All right.

I'll be right back.

Kel, where are
you going, kel?

Oh, yes. Oh, oh,
yeah, oh, yeah.

Whoa!

Wow, that was pretty
impressive.

Kel, would you...

Hey, can I ask you
something?

[Cheers and applause]

Will you stop
with the flipping,
bouncy?

[Cheers and applause]

Ta-da!

Yeah, thank you.

What was pretty
impressive.

Why, that's
quite a talent,
I'll tell you.

Yeah, well, I can do a lot
of things, you know.
Wanna see some more?

No, no, no.
Don't show us.

Save your talent
for tonight's show.

Heh heh heh. Hey!
Now, come on, flippy.

You were flipping,
and you went back there,
and then you came...

All right.

Kenan?! Kenan, w--why am I gonna

Need talent for tonight's show?

Kenan, i--i think
I pulled a muscle doing
the twirly twirly things.

Kenan?!

Kenan?!

Oh, here it goes!

Oh, no thanks, kenan.

Chris and I'll do
do all the work.

You just go ahead and finish
listening to the bulls game.

O.k. Cool.

Announcer: and it's
jordan up the middle.

He goes for the dunk and slam.
Points for the bulls!

Yes. Points.
Boy, that's my man.

That's my boy.

Oh, thanks a lot, kenan.

Stop, you're embarrassing me.

I'm not applauding
for you.

I'm applauding
for michael jordan.

Michael jordan's here?!
Michael jordan?!

Where is he? M.j.?! M.j.!

He's hiding right under
the counter next to
shaquille o'neal.

Yeah, right.
Like shaquille o'neal
is really here.

How gullible
do you think I am?

Kel, I think kenan was
clapping at the radio.

Oh, well, it is a nice radio,
but I'm a bigger fan
of the cash register.

Kel! I was listening
to the bulls game
on the radio.

Now, come on,
you're missing it.

Announcer: ...had the ball,
and no, it's stolen by jordan!

Passed to rodman,
and score!

I can't believe rodman!
Boy, I'll tell you.
Whoo!

And we'll be right back
with our complete coverage
of the bulls game right
after these messages.

Oh, man, a commercial.

Kenan, could you
help me in back?

I need to move
some heavy boxes.

Oh, sure. Crunch!

Ooh! My back!

Oh, pain!

Shouldn't lift.

Sharyla, can you give me a hand
in back, please?

Sure. I wouldn't want kenan
to aggravate his fake injury.

Excuse me, young man.

Yes, ma'am?

Do you sell groceries here?

Yes, we do. This is
a grocery store.

I see. Young man,
where do you keep
the groceries?

Look around.
Everywhere you turn,

You're bound
to see a grocery.

I see.

When did you guys start
carrying groceries?

Youza! This is macho mike!

How would you like
to see the bulls

Played live
from courtside, hmm?

Excuse me, young man.

Will you help me reach that
grocery up there?

Yeah, yeah,
in a second.

Get ready to go bonkers
for the bulls!

That's right.
Macho mike and funk fm

Are giving away
courtside seats

To whoever can perform
wackiest stunts of the day.

So this saturday come on down
to the station,

And go bonkers for the bulls!

Oh!!!!!!!!

[Thud, crash]

Kel, did you hear that?

Yeah, it sounded
like a bunch of cans
falling on some old lady.

No, not that, the radio.

They say we can win tickets
to see the bulls play live!
Can you imagine that?

What are you doing?

Trying to imagine it.

Oh, you ruined
my concentration!

We gotta enter
that contest, kel.

We can win,
I just know it!

And then it'll be
me, you, and...

Both: ♪ the chicago bulls ♪

Excuse me, young man.
How much for this grocery?

Um... Cents?

I see.

Mm-hmm. Come on.

[Blowing]

Roger, what are you doing?

I'm fixing the lamp, dear.

Oh, did you try replacing
the light bulb?

The light bulbs are
in the kitchen, dear.

So all we gotta do
is come up with
a crazy stunt,

And we win
those tickets.
It's easy.

I don't know, kenan.

I heard the guy
that won last year

Skateboarded butt-naked
into a pool of cockroaches.

Oh, please,
that's nothing.

What?!

Hello, funk ?

Yeah. I would like
to enter macho mike's

Bonkers
for the bulls contest.

My name? Well, um...

Is kel...kel kimball.

This saturday? Oh, yeah,
I'll be there.

Yeah. Definitely
gonna be crazy.
O.k. Bye bye.

It's all set.

Now all we gotta
do is come up with

Some kind of a crazy,
dangerous stunt
for you to do.

Don't you mean a crazy,
dangerous stunt for us to to?

Kel, we're in
this / , man.

I made the phone call,

So you get
to do the crazy,
dangerous stunt.

Oh, / .

Yeah. Now, let's think.
What can we have you do?

I got an idea!

I fixed the lamp.

Now, here's what
I want you to do.

I want you to stand
upside down

With your head
in this bucket full
of flavored gelatin.

Then I'm gonna time you
and see how long you
can hold your breath.

Well, you could have got
orange-flavored gelatin.

I didn't have
orange-flavored
gelatin,

So you get frutti tutti.

What if I can't hold
my breath that long?

Well, the minute
you feel you can't
do it anymore,

Just click
your heels together,
and I'll help you out.

Well, it sounds like nothing
could possiblygo wrong.

Let's do it!all right.

Here we go.

[Whistling]

Ahhhhh! There you go.

[Humming]

That's seconds.
All right, keep going.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Man, I don't feel
like buying no...

O.k. Oh.

Yeah.

Why, yes, .
Does sound like
a pretty good deal.

Oh. O.k.

And you're gonna
throw in the magic
dicing wand at no
extra cost?

Oh, now, that's special.

Yeah, o.k.
And it slices
through a bone

As easily
as slicing bread.

Hold on.

Oh, that's...
Wow. Man, that's
something special.

Hey, hey, kel,

You ought
to see what's...

Hold on a second.

Kel? Come on, buddy.

[Gasping]

Air, air, air!

Who loves air?

Kel loves air.

Is it true?

Oh, yes, I do, I do.

Oooohhhhh!

Oh, this is awful.

Oh, no, it's o.k.
I'm all right.

No, not that.

I gotta think
of something else
for you to do.

Ready?

I think so.

Go.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ow!

[Knocks] hey?

How're you feeling?

Oh!

Now, kel, if you can lift
that -pound block
with just your tongue,

We're sure to win.

Are you ready?

Well, then,
lift, kel, lift!

Uh...k--k--kel?

Maybe you should stop.

Kenan, I don't know
about this.

I mean,
it looks painful.

Kel, it's just a little
cantaloupe that I'm gonna
slingshot at very high speed
at your gut.

Stop being such a wimp.

But...ready?

Go!

Whoo!

Missed me!

[Squealing]

Kenan?!

Hey, chris. Did you know
this milk was past
its expiration date?

Oh, well, maybe
it's still o.k.

Let me see.

[Sniffs]

Ohhhh!

Well, maybe it still
tastes o.k.

Sharyla, can you
take all the milk off
the shelves, please?

I'm gonna go to the back room
for a while.

[Shivering]

Hi, kenan. Hi, kel.

Ooh.

What are you doing?!

What does it look like?
Kel is sitting half-naked

On a big block of ice,
and I'm timing him.

Kenan, I can't feel my butt.

Why would you wanna
feel your butt?

Kel, this may seem
like an odd question,

But why are you sitting
on a big block of ice?

S--so we can win tickets
to go see the bulls.

That's right.

Macho mike and funk

Are having a big contest
this saturday,

And whoever shows up
and does the craziest,
wackiest stunt

Gets courtside seats
to the bulls.

Courtside seats!
I gotta get me some
of this action.

How're you doing, kel?

[Stuttering]

Good. Keep going.
Just another half hour.

Ah, good, kenan. I was just
coming back here to tell you

That someone needed to sit
on the giant block of ice,

But I see, as usual,
you've already got it covered.

Oh, my name is sharyla,
and all I'm clever and witty,

And I make fun of people.

Oh, kenan, I can't
do it anymore!

Let's just--let's just
forget about it,
all right?

We're never
gonna win that
bulls contest.

You guys aren't really
in that stupid contest, are you?

Cold! You've got
as much a chance

Of winning those tickets

As you do at teaching
kel here to fly.

That's it! That's exactly
what we're gonna do.

Kel's gonna fly!

Thank you so much, sharyla.

Oh, leaving so soon?

I'm sorry.

Kenan, but...
What are you
talking about, man?!
I can't fly.

But you will.

With this stunt,
there's no way
we can lose.

Oh, but it sounds
crazy and dangerous.

Exactly.

Oh!

Damn.

Whoo!

[General conversation]

Ah! Perfect day to fly.

Come on, kel.

Kenan, why do I have
to be sh*t out
of a cannon?

Well, how else
do you expect
to fly?

I don't know. Um...

Squawk!

Now, relax, kel.

It's real simple.

All we're gonna do
is shove you down
into the cannon hole.

I'm gonna light the fuse,
the cannon's gonna explode,

You go flying,
then we're off to
see the chicago bulls!

Wait a minute, kenan.
That sounds dangerous.

You could burn your hair
lighting that fuse.

That's a risk
I'm willing to take.

Let's do it!all right, buddy.

Hello, pittsburgh!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hello, chicago!

[Cheering]

I'm macho mike.

Are you ready to go bonkers
for the bulls?!

Yeah!

[Cheering]

I kind of pictured macho mike
looking a little different.

You mean like...macho?

No, I just thought
he'd have darker hair.

All right. Let's get this party
started correctly.

Our first contestant
is gretchen shaftner.

Gretchen
is gonna twist herself

Into the shape of a pretzel!

Man: oh, my. Oh, my.

I wonder if she can twist
herself into the shape
of an ice cream sundae?

Maybe she can
twist herself into
the shape of a brain,

And we can put it
in your head.

She can't fit in my head.

Hey, guys. Look who went
bonkers for the bulls.

Both: chris?!

What you done
to yourself?

Well, I thought I'd do
something really crazy
to get those tickets,

So I d*ed my hair pink
and had my eyelid pierced.

And what's your name
and talent?

I'm chris potter,
and i...

I had my hair d*ed pink
and my eyebrow pierced.

Uh, yeah.
So what's your talent?

I'm just here to watch.

Have you signed up?

Yup. Kel here's gonna be
sh*t out of a cannon,

And then we're gonna
win those tickets.

Kenan, you realize, of course,
that only the person

Who performs the stunt
wins the ticket.

What?!

Yeah. They're giving away
separate tickets

To the people who perform
the wackiest stunts.

Is he telling the truth?

That's right.

Aaggghhh! Oh,
what if I perform

A stunt with kel.

Then can we win
the tickets?

Yes.

Aw, man!

Now I gotta do
the stunt with you!

Yay!

No, not yay.

I don't wanna be sh*t

Out of a cannon.
It's dangerous.

You weren't worried
about it being
dangerous before.

That's when only
you were doing it.

Ouch! Help, I'm stuck.

Wow! Somebody put some mustard
on that gal.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

O.k. Our next contestant
is burton nepshure.

Burton is gonna dive
from this -foot platform

Into a pool filled
with pudding.

Youza!

You know, maybe we
should just quit.

No, never, man.

We just gotta figure out
a way that we can both
do this stunt.

I got it.

See, you just stand
in front of the cannon,

And when it sh**t me out,
I grab you real quick
and take you with me.

I was trying to think
of a plan that might
actually work.

Man, we gotta think
of something.

Man, we're both
just gonna have to
get in that cannon.

We both can't fit
in that cannon!

We have to try!

Kenan, no, I don't
think it's a good...
Oh! Ow!

I'm sorry.

Well, maybe if
I can shove you
down far enough,

I can fit on top.

Kenan, it's not working!

Oh, man! Well,
come on out.
Come on.

Man, we gotta think
of something.

O.k., Burton.
Are you ready?

Burton: yes.

O.k. ... ... ...

... ...

Audience: ooh!

Did you see that guy
almost hit the pudding?

Kel, if he wins a ticket,
then that means we don't
win a ticket.

Oh.

Boo! I hope you lose.
Look at you! Boo!

Oh, I fell in the pudding
and hurt myself.

♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪

Kel, stop playing, man.
We gotta think of something.

I can't think
of anything.

You don't say.

I do say.

Stop it.

I got it!

We'll both stick one
leg apiece inside
the cannon,

Then it'll sh**t us off.

We're gonna fly right
into our courtside seats.

Real genius!

Oh, yeah!

Our next wacky stunster
is yudell gibbs.

This is gonna be great!

Yudell is gonna sh**t himself
out of a cannon!

Yeah, man, now, that's cool.
Boy, I can't wait to see that.

He's gonna sh**t himself
out of a cannon.

♪ Yudell, yudell ♪

Kel! That's not cool, man.
He's gonna be sh*t out
of a cannon.

That's ourstunt.

So, like,
if he wins,
we get to go
to the bulls game?

No, huckleberry!

Both: huckleberry.

O.k., There's no time
to panic. No time to panic.

You guys are up next.

Aaaaggghhhh! Time to panic.
Time to panic!

[expl*si*n]

Yudell: aaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!

Aw, man! That could
have been us.

Oh, we gotta think
of something.

All right. Our next contestant
is kel kimball!

And kenan rockmore.
I'm doing the stunt
with him.

All right. So, you are

To be sh*t out of a cannon.
Gee, that's original.

No, no, no. We're not gonna
sh**t out of the cannon.
We're not going out
of the cannon.

What are you gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
Mr. Macho, mike...

Yes, yes.

Would it be possible for us
to come up a little later?

No, sorry. You either go now,

Or you can forget about winning
those bulls tickets!

So what stunt are
you guys gonna do?

Um...um...

We're gonna eat a bike.

Yeah, that's right,
tell 'em. Eat a bike.

Hey, hey!

Excuse me. Did macho mike

Hear you correctly?

You are gonna eat a bicycle?!

That's right.

[Cheers]

I don't wanna eat
a bicycle.

Kel, start eating.

My stomach hurts.

Me too.

Maybe it was all that
cotton candy we ate.

Oh, yeah.

Or maybe our stomachs hurt
because we ate a whole bicycle!

At least you didn't
eat the bell.

[Bell dings]

Oh, how do you boys feel?

Like we ate
a whole bicycle!

Well, at least you won!

Yeah, but we're too sick
to go to the game.

Oh, kenan, and your father
and i, we just feel awful
about having to take
your tickets.

Ooh, we're going
to the bulls game!

Rockmore and jordan
slam dunk!

Roger!

What?

Oh. Sorry.

Well, come on.
We don't wanna be late.

Come on. Let's go.

Aaaaaggggghhhhhh!

Courtside seats.

♪ Hey ♪

Bye!

And remind me to never
eat a bike again.

Ugh! Kenan, you got
something in your teeth.

Ooooohhhhhhh!

Man!

[Bell dings]

Thank you.

Wow. Thank you all
for checking out
the show.

♪ Did you have a good time? ♪

Now, kel, now, kel.

Besides us getting sick
and me owing chris
a new bike,

This episode didn't
turn out so bad
after all.

I was thinking.
How about next episode

We just stay home
and watch television?

But that's too safe.

What kind
of mischief
can we get into

If we just sit
around watching tv?

Exactly.

Kel, we have
a responsibility
to our audience

To get into as much
trouble and mischief
as possible, right?

[Cheers and applause]

That's not necessarily so.

I mean, c--c--come on.

Do you guys really wanna
see me and kenan get in
so much trouble? Come on.

[Cheers and applause]

How do you guys know what
the audience wants to see?

Kel, that is
the audience, man.

And you know what?

I think that I know
a way that we can
provide mischief
and trouble

And satisfy
the audience

And get chris a new bike
all at the same time!

No!

Yeah!

Kel, go grab
something...

Something else,
and a third thing,

And meet me there.
Come on, nickname.

[Both groan]

Kenan, where am I gonna find
a third thing?

Kenan, why are you so vague?

Kenan!

Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!

Here it goes!