04x06 - Mary J. Blige

[bunniefuu]

Go, leon, you can b*at a girl.

Can't you b*at a girl?

Hey, hey, hey!

What's going on here?

They're having a staring contest.

A staring contest?

Ain't much of a contest, baby.

All right, keep talking. Come on.

Aaaagggghhhhh!

Yes!

Man, that girl's good.

Yeah, told you!

Oh, man, leon, man, you lost to amanda.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Wow.

Hardee ha ha ha.

Why don't you take her on, mr. Comedy?

Yeah, why don't you take me on?

All right. O.k., Yeah, I'll take her on.

Hey, I ain't scared of no little girl.

Hey, I've been staring for years.

What you wanna do? I'm the staring master.

Talk's cheap.

Oh! Oh, come on.

All right. The first one to blink loses. Ready?

Ready to win!

Ring it!

And stare.

How're you feeling, kel?

Good, darling. This is gonna be easy.

Oh, really? 'Cause from here it looks like your eyes

Are really starting to hurt.

Oh! Oh, no, no. It's all right.

My eyes are fine.

It's o.k., Kel. You can blink if you have to.

Hey, hey, come on, kenan. I can do it.

Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, here you go.

Oh, amanda is not human... Eyes are burning...

I can't get handle it!

That girl can stare.

Yeah, she's got power.

You're the best, amanda.

It's a gift.

Right! I know someone who can outstare even amanda.

Who?

The big ear of corn.

[All gasp]

Let's get it on.

O.k. Whoever blinks first

Is a big old loser.

Ready? Stare.

Come on, corn.

Eye of the tiger.

Oh, man. The corn can't take it.

Stop this! Stop this!

[Popping]

Wh--what happened?

Yeah, she--she popped the corn.

Corn popper!

Sorry!

Let's go do the show.

What are you doing?

I'm putting the big ear of corn back together!

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It's all that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ We're entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ Is all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪♪

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon

And the u.s. Department of education

And now, channel b presents live

From his own kitchen...randy.

Hi, I'm randy, and this is cooking with randy!

That's right. Now the first dish

That I'd like to prepare for you all today

Is a little something I like to call chocolate noodle soup.

First you take some noodles.

And then you add this special soup juice.

Can you guess what it is? I think you can!

Audience: chocolate!

That's right, it's chocolate.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Oh, yeah, that's good.

All right. Then you stir it around...

Uh-oh! I seem to have misplaced my fork.

Who needs it? Oh, yeah.

Oh. Whoa!!!!!

That is...just stick a feather in my hat

And call me yankee noodle randy!

[Siren blares]

Oh, dear. What's that?

[Siren stops]

[Heavy footsteps]

Um, excuse me. Who are you?

I'm jack campbell... Fat cop.

Yeah, but what are you doing here?

Well, i, uh, I was watching your show there.

I--i always do. I'm--i'm a big fan.

Yeah, you are a big fan.

I think it's safe to say that fans don't get much bigger than you.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I saw that you misplaced your fork,

And I figured that somebody might have stolen it.

So, you know, I am a fat cop and all.

Clearly.

I'll look for the fork.

Maybe the fork would be in here.

Uh...i better check with my face.

Um...excuse me. Officer campbell? Uh, jack?

I don't think that that the fork was stolen, brother.

I think I just misplaced it somewhere--

Ooh! Are those chocolate-covered peanuts?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

These are randy's nuts, all right?

These are my ingredients.

Thank you very much.

Hey, hey, hey! These are my donuts! Give them back!

The bandit's getting away! Cover me!

Oh, you ain't gonna just take my donuts from me!

You ain't taking my donuts from me!

Get over here! Come here!

Come here.

You have the right to remain silent.

Oh, my sweet donut!

That's o.k. I'm a cop.

No, it is not o.k.

Yes, it is. And as being such a fat cop,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to eat your bird for fingerprints.

Eat my what? Hey, the only prints that's gonna be on my chicken

Is your fat tongue print! Give me my bird!

Son, you're interfering with an official fat police investigation!

Yeah, but I mean--

That's it! Get over there!

You ain't gotta spit chicken bits in my face.

That's it!

What are you doing?

Oh, you're just gonna handcuff me on my own show.

Darned tootin', I am!

What are you about to do now?

I'm gonna collect all this evidence with my face!

You're eating all my...

Yeah!

Out of the way!

Whoo! Yeah. Oh!

Police radio: calling all fat cops!

Calling all fat cops!

Yeah, jack campbell, fat cop here.

Emergency. There's an overturned truck on the freeway.

It's spilled over , pounds of chocolate.

Did he say , pounds of chocolate?!

We're on our way!

Come on, randy!

I'll be there in a second.

O.k. That's all the time we got for you today.

Till next time. See you.

And now lori beth denberg with more vital information

For your everyday life.

It's good to count your blessings.

It's bad to count the wrinkles on your uncle raymond's butt.

In the event of an actual emergency,

You'll be notified by this noise...

[Emergency broadcast signal]

In the event of a fake emergency,

You will be tickled by pookie the wonder sheep.

If you forget to bathe, don't go to school and yell,

"Children, come sniff my armpits,

For I am the lord of stink."

This has been lori beth denberg with vital information.

And now channel b presents what-everrr!

With gina and jessica.

Like hello!

Like hi.

My name is gina.

And like my name is jessica.

I'd like to welcome you to...

What-everrr!

With me, gina...

And me, jessica.

O.k.o.k.

O.k.o.k. O.k.

O.k., O.k. Now, as usual, we'd like to start the show off

With a pledge to the boy of the week!

Uh-huh. And this week's ultra-cute boy is the babe-elicious--

Oh, kiss-delicious!

Hot-elicious...

Both: brad pitt!

Stay close.

[Clearing throat]

O.k.

O.k. Ready? , , .

We pledge our love to bradley pitt,

The most hugable babe in america!

And to our brad, like juicy, man,

We love you, we crave you, we want you, we...

Aaaagggghhhhhh!

O.k., O.k. Brad.

[Both saying o.k. Repeatedly]

Like the first thing I want to talk about on what-everrr!

Is like about a boy at my school named alex relineau. Photo.

Alex is like so cute.

Yeah, well, like scope this.

Last friday during english class,

He like asked me to meet him at the galleria for like lunch on saturday.

You are like so lucky.

Yeah. False. I waited for like hours by taco mucho,

And this dude like fully bailed on me!

No way. Flaked!

Can you believe it?!

That's so like-- like--like--like...

What's the word? It's not good,

It's not excellent... It's like... Bad?

Yeah, bad! Yeah, bad.

Totally. So alex relineau,

If you're like out there watching,

We have like a special little message for you.

It goes a little something like this...

Like o.k. Next thing we're gonna talk about

Is something that all teen girls need to know about

On how to cope in today's tough world.

I think I know what we're talking about, gina.

Now, of course, jessica and I do not need makeovers.

'Cause we like look good already.

Yeah. But not all girls are like so lucky.

So to demonstrate like how a full makeover can change your life, please welcome...

From dullmont junior high school...

Hello, gina, jessica.

Hello, cable viewers.

Both: hello.

Miss fingerly, it's like really, really obvious

That you need like a major makeover.

Like in a hurry.

I think you're right. I haven't had a date in years.

Makeup music.makeup music.

O.k. First we'll start off with a new foundation.

[Giggling]

And a really hot lipstick.

And a new eye shadow.

Blush.

And don't forget...

Powder!powder!

I don't know, girls. I feel I look a mess.

Hey, we're like not done yet.

Here we go.

Wh...?

Oh! Oh! Oh, my! Oh! Ooh!

Wh--wh--what are you doing? That doesn't go there!

Almost done.

Power sander.

I feel pretty.

O.k., That's all the time we have for what-everrr!

With me gina...

And me jessica.

Till next time...

Music!music!

The regularly scheduled comedy segment you really want to see

The regularly scheduled comedy segment you really want to see

Is not going to be shown.

Instead all that and dudco enterprises

Bring you the following paid advertisement.

Dudco enterprises is proud to introduce to you

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[Applause]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

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Yes, yes!

Whoo hoo!

I'm ready. How are you?

I am toby brawn, and I am a former fitness expert.

And today I'm gonna show you something

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So now let's take a look at this new high-tech,

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O.k.! Now you can help me.

I'm gonna bring out my new lovely chemically enhanced assistant, helga!

Hello, toby.

Hey, helga. Are you excited?

Very excited, toby. I love the board.

Great! So show 'em how it works.

O.k., Toby. Let's start out with some sit-ups.

Excellent. Lie down woman. Go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

O.k. Now, you see how helga's using the board for sit-ups?

You can't do sit-ups like that without the board.

You see, she's isolating the abdominal muscles.

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O.k.! Now try push-ups.

All right.

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You see those?

Those aren't regular push-ups.

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It even works with running in place.

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Check the pulse.

Irregular. Good!

Now, let's go!

You people at home are probably wondering how we invented the board.

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Using the help of our chief scientist.

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And now I have it.

What it is.

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Thank you, the board.

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O.k. For those of you who aren't convinced about the board,

We're gonna show you in a second

How easy it is to use the board right here.

But first I gotta show you.

Without the board, I couldn't do this.

Aaaagggghhhhhh!

Aaaggghhhhh!

Aaaggghhhh!

Flex, flex, flex!

Yeah!

O.k. Now we're gonna show you how easy it is.

Go get a studio volunteer from our audience.

All right.

Hey, what's your name?

Derrick, but I'm leaving.

Derrick, no!!!!!!!

Derrick, you can't go yet.

Not until you see how easy it is to use the board!

It's just a dumb old piece of wood.

Why are you trying to rip everybody off?

You think that we're trying--

Ripping...toby, ripping people.

Derrick, I just don't think you understand the power of the board!

I think I understand the power of the board. Observe.

Oh! That didn't hurt!

So, helga, what you doing for dinner?

Uh...nothing.

So then why don't you come home with derrick,

And let me show you a good time?

O.k.

You like seafood?

P.

The show's over.

Oh, yeah. Kick it.