04x17 - Salt-N-Pepa

[bunniefuu]

What are you two youngsters up to?

We're building a spaceship.

[Laughing]

Aw...aren't the little children cute?

Yeah, look, kenan,

They're gonna fly a little spaceship up to the moon.

Yeah! You guys think that you are really cool

'Cause you guys can fly a spaceship and fly, and...ha ha ha!

What? I can make fun of people!

Ha ha ha!

No, you can't.

Hey, lori beth.

What? I'm right in the middle of a hot beverage.

Look, amanda and leon built a spaceship.

Ha ha ha ha!

Look... Two astro-nuts!

Amanda: fine! Laugh it up!

Get in!

We'll show you!

Yeah, we'll show you!

Who you gonna show? You ain't showing me nothing!

I ain't impressed at all!

You ain't even got no complete dome!

Amanda: set course for jupiter!

Electronic voice: jupiter.

All set.

Oh, I guess we better back up, huh?

Yeah. He's gonna take off.

Have fun on jupiter. Ha ha ha!

Now who's laughing?

Wow!

He really did it!

I don't believe it.

He's really on his way to jupiter.

Yeah!

Hey, look. A pigeon. Ow!

Minutes. Minutes, I say.

Hole?

Kevin,

Leon just took off in a homemade spaceship.

He's on his way to jupiter.

It's true!

A pigeon dookied in my eye.

Leon's on his way to jupiter?

Give me the communicator.

Here.

Kevin to leon. Kevin to leon.

Leon: what?

Where are you?

I'm in outer space. Duh!

Well, get back to this planet tout de suite.

You got comedy to perform,

And I'm the man.

Fine, I'll come back to earth.

Good.

See, you don't mess with kevin the stage manager.

You know, once I was in my pottery class,

And I was spinning the wheely-o...

[Crash]

I'm back.

Congratulations!

All right, let's go do the show.

All right!

[All talking]

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It's all that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ When entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ Is all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

Did you guys hear that miss spork is in the hospital?

What happened to miss spork?

She swallowed an entire ham.

Well, if miss spork is filled with ham,

Who's gonna teach our home ec. Class?

♪ Do doo doo doo

♪ Da daa daa daa

♪ That's all I want to say to you ♪

Aaah!

Hi, coach creighton.

Don't talk to me, virus.

Sit your butts down!

Hurry up! Sit down! Sit your butt down!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

All right, I'm coach creighton,

And I hate young people.

You seem upset.

I am upset!

I am upset! You want to know why?

All I wanted to do was stay at home

And watch my new video tape of the melrose place.

I love the melrose place.

Want to know why?

'Cause everybody hates everybody at the melrose place!

Aaah!

May I go to the rest room?

No! You're going to sit there until you explode!

Explode! Hee hee hee!

All right, now...

I'm here to substitute teach you kids about cooking.

What are we gonna cook?

I'll cook your mama if you don't shut your mouth hole!

Now, I'm gonna teach you kids how to cook a little break-a-fast.

All right, who wants to come up here

And show coach creighton how to cook an egg?

I will.

All right, well, come on up here.

Yeah, there you go.

All right. Hey, hey, hey!

It don't take a rocket scientist, there, webster.

Now, come on, cr*ck that egg.

Yeah, come on, cr*ck an egg there.

Ok.

All right--wah!

Aah! Look what you did to coach creighton's head!

Huh? You cracked a chicken's baby on coach creighton's head!

Oooh!

Sit down!

All right. Let's do something a little easier.

Um, let's cook waffles. All right!

Yeah! All right.

Now, to cook waffles, you need to have some waffle stuff,

And you pour it into the waffle bottle,

Then you take the waffle goo

And pour it into the waffle machine.

♪ La da da daaa

♪ Dang da dang daaaa

All right, now...

I need an assiss-atant

To come up here and assiss-atate coach creighton.

I'll assiss-atate you.

Well, all right, you little bean bag,

Come on up here.

All right, now, you got to be careful

When you're working with the waffle machine,

All right, now, because it's really hot, almost million degrees--

Aaaah!

Aah! Ow!

Ahhhh!

[Screaming]

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Aaah!

Aaaah!

You waffled my hand!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, the pain is extreme!

Leggo my happiness.

Leggo my happiness!

Are you all right?

Doh!

Do I look all right?

Huh?

Oh, this would never happen on the melrose place.

I'm going to go get some syrup out of my locker.

That's good for you!

And why you got syrup in your locker?

Aaaah!

Oh, I feel bad.

I feel real bad.

Somebody, anybody,

One of you old mutated hippies,

Get me a beverage.

I'll get you a beverage drink.

All right, thank you.

Oh, look at my hand.

I tell you, I really want that beverage bad.

Really want it... Oh, thank you.

Coach creighton?

What now, puck?

I think I gave you hot pepper juice.

You think you gave me hot pepper--

You think you gave me hot pep--

Aaah!

Daaaah!

[Train whistle blows]

Aaaah!

[Screaming]

[Fire alarm sounds]

Hang on, coach creighton.

I'll get the fire extinguisher.

Ok! Ok! All right!

All right! Yeah!

Aaah!

[Hollering]

Uh-oh! He's gonna blow!

That's impossible!

[expl*si*n]

[Coach creighton moaning]

Oh, the life I live is sad.

Announcer: and now, lori beth denberg

With more vital information for your everyday life.

If it's the last thing you do...

Guess what! You're dead!

It's nice to donate blood.

It's not nice to donate snot.

One potato, two potato, potato, .

I rode a bike that had no seat and now my butt is sore.

Announcer: this has been lori beth denberg with vital information.

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

What'll it be?

I reckon another root beer'll do me right fine.

You reckon?

I reckon. How 'bout you?

I sure reckon.

All right. It sure is fun.

Yup.

Look!

It's dusty pants!

[Gasps]

Barkeep! Root beer!

Right pronto.

Yes, sir, mr. Dusty pants.

Why, howdy there, dusty pants.

Well, howdy, hessie-mae.

You sure do look right pretty today, ma'am.

Well, ain't that something?

You sure look real pretty yourself.

Pretty?!

Them's is dancin' words.

[Fiddle music plays]

Well, miss fingerly, what are you doing here in the old wild west?

I have no idea!

Caller: choose your partner!

Do-si-do!

Swing your partner round and round.

Pick him up and throw him down!

Yee-ha!

Kick him in the side, kick him in the head!

Change his name from bob to ted.

Ted!

My name's nasty nancy.

Nasty nancy?

But why are you nasty?

You'd be nasty, too...

If'n you was a cowboy named...

Nancy.

Now, I've heard that a pretty little cowboy

Has been a-dancing with my lady, hessie-mae.

Well, I didn't know she was your girl...

Nancy.

Ooh! Oooh!

I hates it when a man walks up to me and calls me nancy like that.

We done reached the end of the line for you, dusty pants.

Showdown time.

[People screaming]

Dusty: well...

I reckon it is.

Hessie-mae: wait a minute!

Y'all are gonna have a fight over little ol' me?

Yup. Yup.

Oh, goody!

They's coming!

They's coming, dag-nab it!

Who's a-coming?

The mean, ornery slappy brothers.

Not the slappy brothers! I just ordered hot wings.

They're coming this way, and they got fish!

Boy, them slappy brothers is mean.

Yeah. I reckon we gonna have to set aside our differences

For the time being and fight the slappys side by side like.

I reckon so. You got a plan?

Yeah. Here, have a listen.

[Screeching]

Yee!

Yeah! Yeah!

We be the slappy brothers.

Yeah, and we're here for some fish-slapping.

Let's get slapping.

Whoa, whoa! Hold on, there, slappys.

Nancy: I'm a-feared that your fish-slapping days are just about over.

Well, what you two gonna do about it?

Now, dusty!

Dusty, grab her legs and swing her.

Oh!

I seen it! I seen it!

Dusty pants and nasty nancy just b*at the slappy brothers.

I'm gonna go tell everybody.

Let's hear it for dusty pants and nasty nancy!

[Crowd cheers]

Oh, man...

We done been b*at by a woman!

Worse, we been b*at with a woman!

Let's exit in disgrace.

[Whimpering]

Well, nancy...

I guess you're gonna want to start fighting me now.

No, dusty, I been doing a little figuring,

And I thought to myself, "nancy,

"Why don't you team up with dusty pants...

And hurt others!" Ha ha!

What do you think?

Hey, that'll work.

All right.

Hey, do you want to go see a musical?

Cats still playing?

Oh! What about me, boys?

Sorry, hessie-mae. 'S a crowd.

♪ This is all that ♪

Announcer: hi, everyone.

It's time for ask ashley.

That's me!

Hi, I'm ashley, and I'm here to answer your letters.

Our first letter comes from christina maniachi of brooklyn, new york.

Christina writes: "dear ashley."

That's me!

"Dear ashley, I'm so confused.

"There's a little boy living in my house.

"He has his own room right next to mine.

"He looks a lot like me, and he even has the same last name as I do.

Who is this strange boy living in my house?"

Let's see, christina.

There's a little boy living in your house.

He has his own room,

Looks like you, same last name.

Hmm...has it occurred to you that...

He's your stinking brother!?

Your brother, diphthong!

I mean, what kind of brainless dimple can't figure out

That she's got a stinking little brother?!

Man!

Our next letter comes from margaret kenney from cleveland, ohio.

Margaret writes, "dear ashley."

That's me!

"Dear ashley, help!

I've just jumped out of an airplane and I'm falling.

"I'm falling really fast.

"I can see the ground getting closer and closer.

What should I do?"

Gee, I don't know, margaret.

Maybe you ought to...

Use a stinking parachute!

Think parachute, you free-falling lug nut!

But if your parachute doesn't open,

Try to land on christina maniachi in brooklyn.

Maybe if you whack her head hard enough,

She'll be able to figure out that she's got a stinking little brother!

Man!

Our next letter comes from count jimmy of transylvania.

Count jimmy writes, "dear ashley."

That's me!

"Dear ashley, I have a problem.

"I sleep all day long in a coffin.

"Then at night, I wake up, turn into a bat,

"Fly to people's houses, bite their necks, and drink their blood.

What's wrong with me?"

You're a stinking vampire!

A vampire, you blood-sucking rodent!

[Imitating dracula] my name is count jimmy,

And I like to drink blood,

And blah-dy, blah-dy, blah-dy, blah-dy...blah!

You want to bite someone's neck, jimmy-boy,

Why don't you stand outside under margaret kenney?

She'll be the screaming chick dropping out of the stinking sky

'Cause she's too stupid to use her stinking parachute!

And after you bite her neck,

Fly your bat-self on over to brooklyn

And take a bite out of christina maniachi,

She'll be the confused-looking clod

Trying to figure out who her stinking brother is!

But I warn you, when you bite her neck,

Odds are, she'll taste...

Stupid!

Man!

Well, that's all the advice I have for you today.

Bye-bye, everybody.

Wake up!

The show's over.

Oh, yeah, kick it!