03x13 - Doug Operation Moody School/Doug's Magic

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

Doug:
dear journal, today
bluffington school declared w*r

And the commander's first order

Was to punish
the school traitor--

Me.

Firing squad,
ready...

Aim...

Fire!

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

( Barks )

For weeks we'd been working
on our float for the parade.

We were finally going
to beat the moody school

In the float competition.

The reason? Mr. Beet.

Okay, fire it up.

( Engine starts )

You can't beat
bluffington school spirit.

( Oohing and aahing)

The moody school can't
beat us this year.

Turn it off.

Turn it off.

Oop, excessive juice flow.

But then on the morning
before the parade...

Mr. Beet.

What happened
to our float?

It's gone.

They stole it.

They?
They?

Don't play innocent.

You know who I mean.

All:
you do?

No!

( Sobbing )

We worked so hard
and all for nothing.

Look, they made
connie cry.

Who's they?

You ought to know--
with your sister

And her snobby
moody school friends.

Don't worry, connie.

I'll go over there

And make it
all better.

What are
you doing?

What do you think?

It's w*r!

Those moodies have
never lost, right?

All:
right!

They knew we would win.

Right!

So they stole mr. Beet.

Right!

So what will we do?

Wreck their float!

Yeah!

My sister couldn't
have stolen it.

She was home last night.

All:
huh?

Whose side are you on anyway?

I'm wondering

How the moodies
heard about mr. Beet

In the first place.

And I got labeled a...

Traitor!

Traitor!

Moody spy!

All:
moodyite!

Ready...

Aim...

( Gasps )

How will you get in?

What?

You can't get past
the front gate

Carrying hammers
and paint cans?

They'll catch you--
make you read poetry.

( All murmuring )

So, so what are
you saying?

You need a scout.

Somebody who can sneak in

And see if they even
have mr. Beet and...

All:
wreck their float! Yeah!

No! No! I mean...

Call you and tell you...

Where it is, so we can...

All:
wreck their float!

( Cheering )

But no funny
business.

If I don't hear
from you by tonight.

The great beet
w*r is on.

( All chanting: )
beet w*r! Beet w*r!

( Nervous tittering )

I don't know, doug.

I don't think
it'll work.

If I want to stop
this beet w*r

I've got to see if
they even took the beet.

No, your disguise.

It makes you look
like a clown.

Just cover me,
I'm going in.

Phase one: neutralize the guard
and infiltrate the compound.

Hey! What's that?

Who's there?

Code red! Code red!

Enemy soldier has
compromised security.

( Soldiers yelling )

( Siren wailing )

( Soldiers screaming )

( Computer bleeping )

Doug:
ah, yes.

'Tis so true!

Nothing is as loverly
as a tree--

Guard:
hey, you!

The clown!

You know
school policy.

No dogs on campus.

( Yelping )

Oh, kids, oh.

In here.

They don't pay me
enough money

To chase these kids around.

Phase one accomplished.

Phase two...

Judy:
that is so cool, sincerity.

Oh, no-- judy.

Sincerity:
q's big new beet

Will totally
change the way

People in this town
look at floats.

What do you know,
roger was right.

They did steal our beet.

Sincerity:
oh, she is
so gifted.

I mean, is
there anyone

So completely
q as q?

Q must be their leader.

Oh, judith,
you must come

To the art lab
and see it

Before q takes it
to the parade.

Well, I do have
a few minutes.

Well, what are
we waiting for?

Sincerity:
this float is
to die for.

Mr. Beet's in their art lab.

We've got to stop them.

( People talking )

Over there.

Uh-oh.

Okay, okay, I give--

Man:
whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!

k*ll the sound effects.

Huh?

Man:
I said stop!

The neo-hegelian
clown shouldn't appear

Until act three.

Get him off the--

( Barking )

Art lab? Sure,
right out that door.

( Barks )

That is a very gifted dog.

Doug:
art lab.

You found the art lab.

This is it.

( Grunts )

Ah, little brother.

( Deep voice: )
come with me!

( As rambo: )
yo, yo, yo.

I have captured
the intruder.

Oh, yes, the little spy.

Throw him in mr. Beet
with the others.

( Cackling )

Emergency.

This is not
a test.

Okay, porkchop, this is it.

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of art labs.

We'll never find it.

Rodney, I'm
not seeing
enough torment.

( Singing opera )

( New age music playing )

Man:
there he is.

Woman:
come back here!

Run, porkchop!

( Panting )

Porkchop, oh, no!

What are you
doing here?

Judy! Hi!

That's my shirt,
my pants...

( Gasps )

My wig.

You've come
to embarrass me

In front of
everybody.

Well...

Woman:
judy!

Oh, no, that's q.

Quick, duck down.

Q:
we need help
covering the big beet

Before they take it away.

Where's your phone?

Over there.

You've made a wise decision.

I don't know him

And he's definitely
not my brother.

There are kids
over at the bluffington school

Waiting for my call.

( Whistling )

Oh, no!

( Grunting )

Doug, what are
you doing?!

Q, I'll give you
one last chance.

Hand over mr. Beet
or suffer the consequences.

Mr. Beet?

Don't play stupid.

It's right under this sheet.

No, not yet!

Ooh, I am never going
to forgive you for this!

For what,
exposing your treachery?

Skeeter:
yo, doug.

What you doing?

Huh?

( Screaming )

That's the big new beet?

Oh, look what you've done,
you idiot.

Unveiled q's brilliant
reductivist piece

Of conceptual art
before the parade started!

But, mr. Beet, you
said they stole it.

What do you mean, dufus?

Al and moo took it
home to fix it.

Both:
juice flow normalized.

But what about
"the great beet w*r"?

And what about me
being a traitor?

Oh, yeah.

Never mind.

I told you I was joking

But no-o, you wouldn't listen.

Mr. Beet:
you can't beat
the bluffington school spirit.

Just ignore them.

You were
the one who knew

That moody school
didn't steal it.

I bet your sister's
real proud of you.

Um, yeah, ha-ha.

So once they found out
they were wrong

They forgot about
their great beet w*r

And their hate and anger
and wanting revenge.

They forgot everything.

There must be
a lesson here somewhere.

"w*r is stupid."

Right, porkchop?

Porkchop?

Porkchop!

( Applause and cheering )

Man:
that is a very gifted dog.

Doug:
"that's easy,"
said the magician.

And he said the magic word,
veni, vidi, vici.

Ta-da!

Oh, that's
great, doug.

( Giggles )

Oh.

Veni, vidi, vici!

Thank you.

Veni, vidi, vici!

Ta-da!

I really should be going.

I have beetball practice.

No problem.

No problemo.

We'll jump
to the grand finale.

For my last
illusion

I need a volunteer
from the audience.

You mean me?

Uh-huh.

Oh.

How about the
lovely young lady

In the front row?

I'm in a hurry.

Can we just
skip to...

And what is
your name?

Patti.

What are you...?

Doug!

Nothing to worry
about, miss.

I have the key
right here-- oops.

Doug, why did
you do that?

Are you crazy?

Now, miss, don't panic.

It's very simple.

We just place
the magic scarf

Over the cuffs and
say the magic word

Veni, vidi, vici!

And ta-da!

And veni...

Uh...

Oops.

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

And now, ladies and gentlemen

My partner has seconds to
escape from this straightjacket.

Dear journal, it all started
a long time ago

When I saw
some magicians on tv.

Announcer:
if he doesn't make it

He'll be dropped
into this t*nk of worms.

After studying their routines

I invented a few tricks
of my own.

Starting with the simple rubber
snake-in-the-dryer trick...

( Screams )

I soon advanced
to the more sophisticated

Snake-in-your-sister's-bed
trick.

Of course, they weren't real
magic tricks, but before long...

Doug:
I told this friend of mine
I'd give them a special show.

I want something

That'll really
impress her.

Ah, I'm beginning
to understand.

I may have
just the thing.

( Humming )

I'm sure
they're up
here someplace.

Aha!

Whoa!

( Squeaks )

One of a kind--
guaranteed to impress her.

Whoodini
mystery cuffs?

Are you sure?

They seem pretty ordinary.

Oh, no, these are
special handcuffs.

If you work
them right

There's a secret
surprise finish

To the trick built in.

I could just see
how it would go.

Veni, vidi, vici!

Oh, doug...

You're so magical.

Of course, it was
nothing like that.

Veni, vici...

I'm really sorry.

They were just supposed to...

Wait a second.

I got something.

Undo them and I'll...

All right!

My bluff scout
pocket knife.

I've been looking
all over for this.

I wonder what else
is down here.

Doug, my practice!

How long have you got?

Minutes if I go

Straight
to the park.

Plenty of time.

( Grunting )

I think I got it.

Just one more inch and...

And... ( Sneezes ).

Great.

Don't worry.

I got an idea.

( Ticking )

Ohh!

Must you stare
at your watch?

I'm trying to figure out
when to chew my hand off.

Very funny.

Hold it.

I think I got something.

Doug:
slowly. Slowly.

Man, it's sure heavy.

Hey, it's stuck.

( Growling )

( Yelling )

( Whimpering )

( Snoring )

Don't worry,
I have another idea.

Patti:
let's walk over
to the magic shop

And ask them
to help.

Walk? Outside?

In front of everybody?

Like this?

You could just say
what happened.

I know how they work.

They're just stuck.

We just need some... Aha!

Suntan lotion?

Trust me-- just
a drop or two, and...

( Grunting )

What if we just cut them off?

Okay, we won't
cut them off.

They cost seven
allowances.

Besides i...

I think...

Can we go to the
magic shop now?

Please?

I know, wait,
I know, I know.

Come on, come on.

( Grunting )

Magic shop.

People can't see us like this.

We'll spend our lives
handcuffed to each other.

Really?

Three minutes.

We just can't
look obvious.

What can we...?

I got it.

See, this way...

Well, douglas and patricia.

How are you two?

Oh, uh, we're completely
normal, mr. Dink.

We were just taking
these recyclables in.

We're not having
any problems.

Well, carry on.

( Panting )

That was smooth, doug.

Real smooth.

You think so?

You said
recyclables?

Oh, hey, moo.

Hey, al.

Perhaps you
could take

These obsolete
computer parts for us.

( All grunting )

I felt awful--
it was embarrassing.

I never wanted to put patti
through anything like this.

In fact, the only thing
I wanted to do

Since I came to bluffington,
was to be near her.

It's all I ever dreamed of.

My dream was turning
into a nightmare.

Can we just put
this thing down?

I'm starting to
lose the feeling

In my pitching arm.

Just one more block.

It's five minutes
after : .

Don't worry, it's...

Five after : ?

Uh-oh, hurry.

( Sign creaking )

Let me get
this straight.

If we left your house

The first time I asked you
we would've been here in time

Right?

It's not like it sounds.

You're twisting the logic.

You knew
I had practice

But you kept going.

You were thinking
of yourself.

But, patti.

I'm not speaking
to you, doug funnie!

Well, it's closed
till monday.

Are we going to sit here
and not talk to each other?

Maybe.

Okay.

Okay!

Anyway I was
thinking about you.

Hah!

It's true, you know.

You're all I think about.

I bought this trick
to show you.

I saved up seven allowances.

If I knew it was
going to turn
out like this

I wouldn't even
have tried it.

I guess I only wanted
you to, you know

To like me
or something.

And now, well, I feel
so completely stupid

I almost wish
I never moved here.

Don't say that, doug.

Look, I'm sorry

I got so weird
about practice.

I was just
frustrated.

And I'm really
glad you did

Move here
because... Well...

Because out of
all my friends

I like being around
you best of all.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow!

Well, hey, we
must have tripped
a catch or something.

Well, you can go to
your practice now.

You'll only be
a few minutes late.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, see you later.

Yeah, okay,
see you, doug.

See you, patti.

I was just thinking.

Maybe they could get along
without me just this once.

You want to go to
the honker burger

For a shake
or something?

Sure.

Wait!

Well, so much
for the big finish.

Big finish?

Wow!

They really did work.

Race you to the
honkerburger.

What?

Sure-- you ready?

Ready.

Set?

Set!

( Giggling )

Hey, that's not fair!

Come back, you big cheater!

Veni, vidi, vici!