03x06 - Doug and the Weird Kids/Doug's Behind the Wheel

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

( Clamor )

Mrs. Wingo:
roger klotz and...

Connie binge.

( Sighs )

No, not me.

Boomer bledsoe and...

Chalky studebaker.

Doug:
boy, everybody was nervous
about this report.

Mrs. Wingo was pairing us up
with other students

To do a report
on their home life.

Everybody was nervous
they'd be paired up with...

Doug funnie, you're with...

Please, no, please.

Al and moo sleech.

( Groaning )

The sleech brothers.

( Giggling )

( Groans )

Congratulations,
doug.

Oh, man.

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

Porkchop, I'm home!

The sleeches wasted no time
in starting their report.

Hello, doug funnie.

Hey, guys, I didn't
expect you yet.

No one is here to interview.

Excuse me.

Pardon.

Oooh!

Excellent specimen

For the lab.

Why don't you
come back later...

Aha!

( Laughing )

Huh?

Oh, judy, you're here.

I am not doing
your laundry.

I just want you
to talk to these guys.

What guys?

Well, al and moo.

Huh?

Where'd they go?

They'd better not
be in my room.

( Thumping )

Doug funnie, we
have now gathered
enough information.

Don't you want to
talk to my sister?

No.
No.

Wait...

When should I come
meet your family?

Family?

.

, Yes.

Our father is
very busy.

We have prepared
this report for you.

You wrote my report?

But...

Both:
thank you for your
time, doug funnie.

Skeeter couldn't
believe the report.

Wow, cool graphics!

Feet

Of electrical wiring

Average temperature,
degrees kelvin.

I wish willy white
would make me a report.

But I can't
turn this in.

It has nothing
about their family.

...cellar
is very roomy.

So, what's the
sleeches' house like?

I haven't exactly...

What are those weird smells
from their basement?

Yeah, and that
black smoke?

Weird smells? Smoke?

And what about their dad?

W-w-what do you mean?

I live next door,
and I've never seen him.

Maybe he's shy?

Roger:
or maybe he's a
super evil scientist

That stays
in his laboratory

And never comes out.

And you know
what he does?

W-w-what?

Experimentations.

Experimentations?

Are you sure?

Hey, if I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

What kind of experimentations?

You ever wonder why
those sleech brothers
are so brainy?

Well, daddy super evil
genius sleech

Is making super-smart brainiacs.

You know what
he'll do with them?

What?

Turn us into sleeches

And take over bluffington.

That can't be true.

Hey, doug,
check this out.

It's mr. Sleech's
profile.

And it's
totally censored.

Well, whatever
their dad does

Al and moo sure don't
want you to know about it.

( Evil laughter )

I've done it!

It's alive!

Another success, father.

We are very lucky.

Now we have...

Both:
sisters!

( Cackling )

After all that stuff from roger

Turning in al and moo's report
seemed like a good idea.

I spent hours trying to decide.

Why not just write down
what roger told us?

What if roger made
all that up?

Guess you get an "f."

Great.

It looked like I had
no choice but to go to...

( Thunder )

The sleeches'.

Who is it?

Doug funnie.

What do you want?

I came to do my report.

We gave it to you.

But I can't just
turn in your report.

I've got to
interview your dad.

( Thunder )

.

.

Shut up.

Enter...

Our father will be
ready in seconds.

Doug funnie,
this is our father.

Huh?

Good evening, doug funnie

A pleasure to meet you.

That's just al
with a fake moustache.

No, it's not, I'm him.

Did you have some questions?

Come on, guys,
I'll get an "f."

Now, where's
your real dad?

Hmm...
Hmm...

You are very observant.

My father is not home.

He's doing secret
experimentations.

I guess
I can't flunk

If he's not home.

Can I at least
see your house?

Three... Seven.

Hmm...

You may see our room.

What's in there?

Stay out.

"Do not enter when
red light is on."

Very dangerous.

This is our room.

So, this is
your room.

Cool, bunk beds...
Who gets the top?

We alternate.

What, weekly, monthly?

Every four hours.

( Laughs weakly )

Good one.

Eh... Huh?

Wow!

This is brian.

We spend hours
playing together.

Do you have any games for this?

Glorek!
Glorek!

Make yourself
invisible

Or you will
surely perish.

I guess I'll
just watch.

Danger, trap door!

Beware the glorek!

Both:
glorek!

( Sighs )

Again I am triumphant.

Your pride shall
be your downfall.

Ahem... Well, it's been
really great watching you

But I'd better go--
it's almost : .

: ?!
: ?!

( Gasp )
( gasp )

( Screaming )
( screaming )

Father's coming.
Daddy's home.

Run.

But I thought you said he...

But father, we liked him.

Can't you just make him
a brainiac sleech?

But sons, he knows
too much about us.

Besides, won't he look
wonderful on your shelf?

Help, let me out...
I'm telling!

( Evil laughter )

( Gasping )

Hurry,
you must go.

Man:
who are you?

Don't tell him.

Run away.

Hello, mr. Sleech,
i-i-i'm doug funnie.

Oh, you're the one the boys
interviewed the other day.

Now I guess
it's our turn.

I-i think
I know enough.

Nonsense-- you've
come all this way

You must see where I
do my experimentations.

( Doug groaning )

Mr. Sleech:
had enough?

Four doughnuts is
my limit, mr. Sleech.

There's plenty more.

Boy, I would have never pictured
you a baker, mr. Sleech.

The hours are terrible--
I work all night

But I love it.

In fact, I built my own
private bakery down here.

I come down here
and experiment.

I'm creating the
perfect doughnut.

I had you pictured
differently

Especially with... Well...

Boys like al and moo?
It surprises me, too

A working stiff like me
with a couple of einsteins.

( Groans )

I guess it
embarrasses them

That their old dad
is a baker

Instead of some
brainy scientist.

So that was it--
al and moo were ashamed

That their dad wasn't
a super evil genius.

The next day we gave
our presentations.

...the funnies reveal

A well-nourished
familial relationship.

Hampered only by
an inattentiveness

To the wonders
of science.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Well, the next report
is from doug funnie

And he visited
al and moo sleech.

Ahem... Mad scientists,
scary laboratories

Weird experimentations--

This is how we think of
the sleeches.

In fact, I asked mr. Sleech
himself to come today

With one of his
experimentations.

Do you kids like...

Doughnuts?

Huh?
Huh?

What?

So, in conclusion,
those are the sleeches.

Class dismissed.

So I gave my report,
and hopefully al and moo realize

That even though their dad
isn't a super evil genius

He still makes a great doughnut.

I couldn't believe my luck--

Judy was taking
her driver's license test

The same day I overheard...

I wish
you could come

To bumper car mania
this weekend

But I can't leave
smidgen behind.

She loves
bumper cars.

Do you hate me
forever?

I'm sure I'll find
some way out there.

Ahem... You
could go with me.

Really?

My sister could take us.

She gets her
driver's license today.

Sure you don't
mind taking me?

Mind?

Oh, doug, this
is so romantic--

Just you, me...

And your
sister judy.

* Beautiful dreamer,
wake unto me *

* Starlight...

Here's to us...

And judy's
driver's license.

Okay, judy,
let's go.

( Engine races )

( Tires screech )

You're wonderful!

Whoa!

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

Perfect-- a date with patti

And my parents
didn't have to drive us.

I just had to bribe judy
into taking us.

Hello, douglas.

Hi, mom.

Hey, judy, um...

Can you do me a favor?

I can't talk now.

How was the driver's test?

Driver's test?

Ha! I don't need
to drive.

I am an artist--
I am my own vehicle.

Are you saying
you didn't take it?

I'm not saying anything.

But... But judy...

I promised... Oh, man.

It looked like
my date with patti

Was over before it started.

But why didn't you
take the test?

If you don't get
your license I won't...

I mean, you'll
always need rides.

Oh...

Oh, what's
the big deal

About driving,
anyway?

Cars are so...
Pedestrian.

But almost every -year-old
in bluffington drives.

I need a more expressive mode
of transportation.

I'll start
a new trend.

That's what being an artist...

Ow! ...is all about.

But for six months,
you've talked of nothing

But getting your license.

Maybe I did
take the test...

If you could
call it a test.

The instructor
had no imagination.

Imagination?

So what
if my driving

Was a little
improvisational?

Is there a law
against that?

Is injecting a little creativity
into your driving

Any reason
to fail you?

Fail?

( Door slams )

I knew it--

She really
wanted to drive.

If I can just get her to pass
that test before tomorrow...

Say, uh, judy...

Want to
challenge us

To a game
of dinodrivers?

If you win, you get to park
in the winner's circle.

I know what you're up to.

I told you, I don't care
about driving.

And what could
that game teach me?

The mall has
dinodrivers ii--
want to go?

What is this thing you have
about me learning to drive?

Oh, uh, I just want you
to have the freedom...

I have freedom.

Once the sun hits these
solar-powered skates

My problems are over.

And I'm out of here.

( Shrieking )

Oh...

My car has exploded
three times.

This isn't working!

It's your wig-- it's slipping.

If I'm recognized,
I'll be ruined.

Give me
another quarter.

And don't
call me judy.

Call me...
Violet.

Watch the
caveman, judy...

I mean, violet.

Please, doug,
I am not blind.

( Tires screech )

Games later, judy...
Uh, violet

Was finally getting
the hang of it.

That's it, violet.

Dodge the hot lava
and you're home free.

That's it!

That's it!

That's...

( Crash )

What do dinosaurs
have to do with
driving?

This game is very
poorly conceived.

Teaching judy was hopeless.

At this rate,
I'd get my license first.

After all, I hold the th-place
score for dinodrivers ii.

Patti:
watch out for
that volcano!

Ha, ha! I laugh
at danger, patti.

But doug, what about
the two-mile-wide
canyon up ahead?

No problem.

( Patti screaming )

Whoa!

Oh, doug, you're such
a dino daredevil!

Patti:
doug? Doug,
is that you?

Patti!

How was your sister's
driving test?

Oh, um, just fine.

We're on for tomorrow?

Sure, yeah, no problem.

Judy:
doug!

See you
tomorrow, patti.

See you.

Phew!

Doug!

Parallel parking!

You didn't mention
parallel parking.

It's easy--
back up...

I can't!

That's the part of the test
I failed!

It's easy--
just take it slow.

Dino loser, dino loser,
dino loser...

Maybe if patti and I
started now

We could pedal
to bumper car mania.

I'm sorry my sister
couldn't take us, patti.

But don't worry, we'll
get there before it...

Whoa!

Ooh, gross.

...closes.

Patti, what happened?

Hey, beebe, can you give me
a real ride home

And save me from this...
This loser?!

( Laughing )

Doug:
come on, judy,
don't give up yet.

I am an actress,
not a truck driver.

An actress!

But judy...

An actress!!!

( Gasps )

An actress! That's it, porkchop!

Judy:
this brilliant idea
better be good, doug.

It is-- here's the deal.

I'm going to give you
a part, like in a movie

And I want you
to act it out.

Dougie...

The day you direct me,
I will just...

I don't know
what I'll do.

( Horn honks )

Please keep your eyes
on the road, dear.

Mother!

Doug:
okay, you're a secret agent.

You've stolen
a super-advanced spy car

And now you have
to parallel park it

Right there.

That is the stupidest
plot I ever heard.

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

What's my
motivation, doug?

What am I thinking?

Have you never heard of
an obstacle, an objective?

Oh, judith!

You'll miss
the turn.

Everything is perfectly
under control.

Okay... Okay...

You're blind, and people tell
you you'll never parallel park.

Now you can
prove them wrong.

Yeah-- by parking there.

Dougie, think-- if I'm blind,
how can I be driving?

Elementary plot problems.

Oh, judith, can't you
give your brother a break?

He's trying to help.

Mother, can't you see
how stupid this is?

If you understood
anything about acting...

Stop light, stop light!

( Screech of tires )

Okay, you're
a policewoman

And you spot
a robbery.

Dougie, just forget it.

But you haven't
even tried yet!

I think we should go home.

No! Judy, you have
to parallel park.

You have to get your license.

I promised patti you'd take us

To bumper car
mania tomorrow.

Judy:
excuse me?

You promised I would
drive you where?

( Horns honking )

I'm sorry, judy.

All that stuff about
"trying to help your sister."

Girl:
learn to
drive, pal!

Learn to chill out

Jenny tomlinson!

Judy!

Judy:
douglas yancey funnie,
if you think

That you can commit me
to drive you...

Uh, judy...

Don't interrupt!

I am not your personal chauffeur

And you have no right
to make promises for me!

Yes, I'm sorry,
but guess what?

What?!

You just
parallel parked.

I what?

I parallel parked.

I parallel parked!

I parallel parked!

So it turned out judy could
parallel park just fine

Once she stopped
thinking about it.

And now she has her license,
she drives whenever she can--

Including taking patti and me
to bumper car mania.

Whoa!

Get off the road!

Actually, I think she likes
driving a little too much.

Doug:
judy, leave me alone!

Judy:
move it, dougie!

Out of the way!

Hey, where'd you learn
to drive?!

Step on it!

Yeah, your horn works...
How about your brain?!