03x04 - Doug's Career Anxiety/Doug's Big Brawl

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

Doug:
dear journal, this was
career week at school.

Mr. Shellacky,
our guidance counselor

Tested us to tell which
career would suit us.

In one moment,
mr. Computer

Will figure out
the answer!

I wondered what it
would say about me.

Maybe I'd be an architect.

Oh, I can't wait.

Hmm... Or a pilot.

Or maybe a secret agent.

Oh, my gosh.

Super!

What does it say?

Only that douglas funnie

Is the luckiest boy
on the block.

You're going to be...

Yeah?

A businessman!

A what?

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

There must be some
mistake, mr. Shellacky.

I don't know anything
about business.

[ Knocking]

Do you hear that?

What is that?

It's you, mr. Shellacky.

It's mr. Opportunity--
that's who's knocking.

The life choice decider
is never wrong, see?

This is you here in
my office right now.

This bump is
high school.

Here you are getting
"a"s in business

And then,
after college...

You're off like
a rocket, doug!

But... Couldn't I be
a secret agent instead?

Or a forest ranger?

This is the week

When we put away
childish things.

Get in touch
with your inner adult.

But mister...

Shh! Hear that old
train whistle calling?

It's that career train

And she's a-pulling
in to funnie station!

What's she saying?

[ Chanting:]
business...
Business...

Business!

Business!

This was terrible.

I didn't know anything
about business!

The next day, we went
to bluffco industries

To work on
a career-week project.

Everybody else
had really cool jobs.

Art director?

That's great,
chalky!

You'll be working

Right across
from me!

I'm an inventor!

Last year
the class made

Some cruddy
bumper stickers

And skunky beaumont
sold so many

He bought a boat.

All:
ooh...

What should wemake?

Cruddy bumper stickers?

We can't decide till we find out
who the executive is.

You, doug?

Wow! Really?

Yeah.

I'll trade you.

Why would
doug trade

When he's going to be
a rich businessman?

Rich? Me?

Robin leach impersonator:
thanks to a class project

Doug funnie became
the youngest millionaire ever.

This complex is so enormous
that a person uses

These large suction tubes
to get around.

Here we go! Whoa!

Here in dougco's recreation room

Doug has
a complete root beer bar

A whole arcade of video games,
and a built-in lake for fishing.

Here's the library
of over , comic books--

Thousands drawn by doug himself!

Maybe being
a corporate executive

Wouldn't be so bad after all.

Come on, doug,
what do you say?

Well, maybe I'll stay
an executive.

[ Tires squeal]

Welcome aboard,
young man!

Thanks, mr. Bluff.

Don't call me
mr. Bluff, doug

Call me captain bluff!

Every year I bring
young executives here

To get their sea legs.

Making and selling
these projects

Is the first step
to world domination!

Oh, uh, I mean,
to a career in business.

But if I can
ask, mr. Bluff--

What am I supposed
to do exactly?

There are just
three rules

A successful businessman
has to know, doug.

Number one: decide.

Number two: direct.

Number three: delegate.

Decide, direct, delegate!

Say it with me!

Both:
decide, direct, delegate!

Brilliant!

There's only one
thing I can give you

To help you
in your quest.

But remember, only use this
when things get really tough.

It's the key to the executive

Squashroom.

Wow!

Anchors aweigh, now!

I expect a really
great project

From you.

[ Blows whistle]

Dismissed!

First we had to decide what
project we were going to make.

It's impossible
for us

To make shoes,
skeeter!

We don't have
the equipment.

A tiny shoe?

We need
something

Everyone
will buy.

Decide, direct, delegate.

Suddenly I had it!

The helicopter landing pad

Should be next
to the comic book room

After I made my first million.

Hmm...

Yeah!

Then, about an hour later...

Chalky:
a bookmark!

That's what
we can make!

It's simple.

We can put
the school seal on them!

Skeeter:
what do you
think, doug?

Huh? Oh, sure.

Beebe,
pick the paper

To make
the bookmarks.

Skeeter,
you design them.

I'll draw
the school seal.

That's when the trouble started.

Ta-da!

Isn't that
awful big

For a bookmark?

I was thinking

Of something tiny

That would fit inside a book.

Doug, this is
the material

I want to make
the bookmarks
out of!

But won't these
cost more

Than paper
bookmarks?

But they'll be
so fashionable

We'll sell
twice as many!

Or I guess we could just
do them on junky paper.

Well, paper
would be cheaper

But this is nice.

Oh, I don't know.

You have
to decide.

You're
the executive.

[ Whooping]

Yo, doug, come quick.

I got something to show you.

Uh, i...
I'll be right back.

But doug, we
need a decision.

This can't
wait.

Skeeter had this amazing idea

To add a reading light
on top of the bookmark

So people could read
in the dark.

This'll be the
best project ever!

I'll tell the others.

Whoa!

You got to see this.

What do you think?

Oh, no, this is awful!

It turned out he couldn't draw!

I had to help him.

But before I could finish that,
connie had to see me.

Doug,
come quick!

You've got to decide...

Because they had started
to cut the fabric

Before beebe found out
about the reading light!

Connie figured out
that with the mistakes so far

The bookmarks would cost
almost $ each!

And skeeter kept changing it!

Chalky still couldn't draw!

It was a disaster.

Oh...

Doug, you have
to decide!

Doug, you
have to decide!

Why didn't you
tell me about this?

Why didn't you tell
me about this?

I did the only thing I could.

Quiet!

Hold it!

Doug wants
to say something!

Um...

[ Panting]

I just needed time to think.

All [ clamoring:]
doug!

Oh!

[ Panting]

Oh, man.

Huh?

Yeah!

There
he is!

[ Kids clamoring]

You have
to decide!

I really hate this.

[ Balls thwacking]

What was I going to do?

Could I really spend
the rest of my life hiding?

I saw him
come in here!

[ Quavers:]
there he goes!

Leach impersonator:
the one thing doug
doesn't have

Is any time to spend
in his plush quarters.

This is how he's spent
every day of his life!

Whoa... No!

Being a corporate executive
was the last thing I wanted.

But what did I really
want to be?

And what would I tell
mr. Shellacky?

Suddenly, I had it!

He locked himself
in, daddy!

What is the meaning
of this?

I've made a decision,
mr. Bluff.

Never mind that--
you're fired!

You can't fire
me, mr. Bluff.

I'm a kid.

I don't work here.

At least give me
my key back.

I'm still in charge
of this project.

You said first an
executive has to decide.

I was a pretty bad
businessman up to now.

I couldn't make up my mind.

But now I've decided.

I want chalky
to be in charge.

He'll be better
than me.

Gosh, thanks, doug!

But what are you
going to do, doug?

Be mr. Shellacky?

That's a funny
drawing, doug!

Are you saying

That's what
we should do?

I can draw teachers
to print on the bookmarks.

We'll sell a ton
of these at school!

You're a
genius, doug!

[ Kids praising doug]

So the project was saved.

But the most
important thing was...

Mr. Funnie:
doug, telephone!

Doug, it turns out mr. Computer
had a little tummy ache!

You weren't supposed to be
a businessman at all!

I'm supposed to be
an artist, right?

Even better.

You're going to be
a guidance counselor... Like me!

Isn't that wonderful?

[ Chants:]
guidance! Guidance!

Guidance! Guidance!

Douglas, did you hear that?

Dear journal, it started out

Like just another rowdy day.

We were coming back
from a field trip...

Roger, please give me
my audio visual club hat.

Aw, what's
the matter?

Larry want his
wittle a.v. Hat back?

Got it!

Come on, larry.

Let's see you
jump for it.

Don't let them
push you around.

Okay, guys,
I'm really getting mad!

All:
ooh...

I'm serious!

Give me it!

Hey, larry, don't freak!

Let your a.v. Buddies
help you get your hat.

[ Gasps]

[ Straining]

With nerves of steel,
quailman crosses the street.

[ g*ng laughing]

[ Snarling]

Okay, that's it.

I'm sick of this!

Larry, is something wrong?

[ Panting]

[ Growls]

[ Kids clamoring]

Doug:
take it easy, larry!

Larry:
you can't go around

Taking other
people's property!

Whoa, this doesn't make sense!

[ Larry grunting]

[ Roger
snickers]

Come on,
funnie,
whack him!

Go get him, you
can take him!

[ Muttering
angrily]

[ Snarling]

[ Makes karate yell]

Ow!

[ Growls]

[ Kids gasp]

[ Moaning]

Huh?

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

[ Men shouting]

[ Crunching]

One-punch is coming!

[ Low murmur]

Uh, excuse me,
sir, but...

That stool's
reserved.

Oh yeah? For who?

Doug:me.
[ Shrieks]

Sorry, one-punch!

I didn't know
you was back!

Whoa!

Bartender:
what'll it be,
one-punch?

Glass of milk,
and make it... Chocolate.

[ Kids cheering]

Wow, funnie, I didn't know
you had it in you!

Boy, did you see
larry go down?

Hey, larry, are you okay?

Funnie, you dropped
that a.v. Loser

Like a sack of manure!

Whoo! Blam, ker-plop!

He was out
like a potato!

Boy, if it felt this bad
to win a fight

Larry must have felt
even worse losing.

Wow, one punch!

[ Makes punching
noises]

Come on, knock
it off, skeet.

I feel bad enough.

I've just never seen you

Actually slug
somebody before!

Son, have you
been fighting?

Uh-uh.

I've always said

"A man that resorts
to v*olence

Is a man who's run
out of good ideas."

Yes, but...

Did you cream him?

Bud!

A boy's got to know
how to protect himself.

First, put up
a good front.

Stick out your chest

And let them know
you mean business.

And say, "why,
I ought to..."

That's not the answer.

Nonsense.

Hit me!

What?

Show them you
can take it.

Give me one

Right in the old
breadbasket!

Are you sure,
mr. Dink?

Come on, douglas,
lay one on me.

Mr. Funnie:
take it easy, bud.

Give me one of your best... Ugh!

Mrs. Funnie:
douglas! Phone call!

Uh, I got to go.

Are you okay, mr. Dink?

[ Breathless:]
oh, sure, no problem.

He's fine, son,
run along.

I think that was
instructional.

[ Wheezes]

It's someone
named larry.

Larry?

Why is he calling?

Maybe he wants
to make peace.

Maybe you're right!

Hello, larry?

Larry:
is this doug funnie?

Listen, larry,
I'm sorry about...

Don't be! It was a lucky punch.

You won't be so lucky next time!

[ Click]

[ Groans]

I thought maybe
that weird phone call

Was just larry
blowing off some steam

But the next day at school

I found out
it was just the beginning.

"Doug funnie is
an invertebrate."

"Funnie is a pavid vermin."

"Doug is uncouth."

Have you seen all
these signs about you?

What do they mean,
"pavid vermin"?

I don't know, but
I think it's bad.

Who is doing
all this?

I'll tell you:
it's that loser larry

And his a.v. g*ons!

How do
you know?

Because only those a.v. Guys

Would go to all
that trouble.

I'd just haul off
and slug you.

But roger... [ Screams]

Larry says,
"doug is a wimp."

[ Snickers]

[ Clucks]

Looks like larry's sock puppet

Has a point,
funnie.

Sock puppet!

And to think I felt sorry
for that loser larry.

I didn't even want to fight him.

He started this whole thing.

[ Air hissing]

[ Straining]

[ Growls]

[ Footsteps pounding]

[ Kids screaming]

[ Yells]

[ Snarls]

[ Moaning]

That skunk.

If anybody knew
where larry was

Elmo, lincoln and brian would.

[ All gasp]

Boy:
who is it?

Doug-- and I want
to talk to larry.

Boy :
not here, go away.

Tell him I'm looking for him.

Got it?

Boy :
got it.

Boy :
yes, got it--
leave!

I've never been so steamed

But as the day went on,
I cooled off a little.

That is, until lunch.

Mr. Bone:
attention, please.

Listen up for
the lunch menu!

Today we will be serving--
mm-mm-- salisbury steak!

Class:
ewww...

And with that you get a tasty
congealed lima bean cobbler...

[ Class groaning]

We interrupt
to make an announcement.

Huh? What's
going on?

Doug funnie is
a sucker-punching phony!

If he's wise

He'll stay away
from the audiovisual room.

...and prunes in a blanket!

[ Makes fun
of doug]

Boy:
he means business.

[ All gasp]

Move.

Watch the door.

Okay.

Back, uh, keep back!

Everybody back, okay?

All right, larry

Let's finish
this now.

O-o-okay, doug.

Beat me up if you have to.

Have to?

You made me look
like a fool!

Actually, it was my
a.v. Friends who did it

But go ahead,
clobber me.

Your friends? But why?

They thought I made
the a.v. Club look stupid

So they tried to
make you fight again

So I could maybe win,
but I can't.

They're animals out there!

Are you fighting?

So none of this
was your idea?

No, but if I don't fight

I'll be thrown out
of the a.v. Club.

And if I don't fight you,
they'll think I'm chicken.

A man who resorts
to v*olence

Is a man who's run
out of good ideas.

How did they interrupt
the announcement?

My stomach's sensitive,
so hit my arms.

Can you interrupt
only one monitor?

Yeah, but why?

Great!

What are you going to do, doug?

We'll give them
the best fight!

[ Whispering:]
here's what
you'll do...

What's up?

Are we going
to see a fight?

There's not
enough room here.

Somebody could get hurt.

Watch it down in
the shop room.

Kids:
oh, man.

So, where are they?

Ladies and gentlemen

Since the a.v. Room is too small
to fit everybody in

We've decided to broadcast
this grudge match

Exclusively
on the school monitor.

Prepare to eat knuckles,
a.v. Boy!

Oh, yeah?
Well, same to you!

Skeeter:
let's make this a clean fight.

You can start
when you hear the bell-- bing!

Ooh, a massive left by funnie.

[ Grunts]

A beautiful right hook by larry.

A monumental uppercut by funnie

But larry is all over him!

[ Kids protesting]

What happened
to the picture?

I can still
hear valentine!

Skeeter:
he's floating like a bee

Stinging like a scrape!

Oh, larry's
legs look

A little rubbery there!

So larry and I had our rematch,
and it came out a draw.

Funnie comes back...

Maybe a fake fight
wasn't the best idea

But it was better than
either of us getting creamed.

Skeeter didn't come out
so lucky.

[ Muffled:]
could you give me a hand?