04x10 - Doug's in the Money/Doug's Sister Act

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

Have you been so broke

You had to cash in pennies?

Well, hello there, yancey.

How are
you today?

My name's doug.

Aren't you
philip funnie's boy?

Yeah.

I thought so.

You here to
rob the bank?

Yeah, yeah, good one.

Excuse me.

Woman:
oh, uh... Yes.

That's s and
s, please.

Excuse me, ma'am,
you dropped this.

Oh, why, thank you.

I swanee,
I'd lose my head

If it weren't bolted to my neck.

Woman:
next!

Hey,
mrs. Schroeder.

Hi, there,
douglas.

Buying out
the bank again?

No, just cashing in
my pennies.

Let's see what you got here.

One, two, three... $..

Thanks... See you.

How about a shake at
the honker burger-- my treat?

See you later,
yancey.

Don't spend it all in one place.

[ Laughs]

Yeah.

[ Laughs]

Right.

Oh, man.

Hey, look.

Money!

Holy cow,
this is a ton of money.

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Hinge creaks]

I've never seen so
much money in my life.

Whose do you think
it is?

[ Barks]

I know, finders keepers,
losers weepers

But maybe its owner
will miss it.

[ Crying]

Oh, momo.

All the money we've saved
for the winter is gone.

What are we
going to do now?

[ Whines]

[ Balloon pops and sputters]

Don't fret, little bobo

For some lucky little boy
and his dog

Will stumble upon this fortune

And live happily
and richly ever after.

[ Laughs]

[ Sighs]

Come on, porkchop.

You know what
we got to do.

Man:
freeze!

Up against the wall

And spread them!

What's your story, kid?

Oh, uh...

I found this money
in a gutter.

It might belong
to somebody.

Holy guacamole!

This is a lot of dough, kid.

You found cold, hard cash
and you brought it here?

Yes, sir.

Hey, guys, get a load of this.

Kid finds some cash
and actually turns it in!

[ Murmurs of disbelief]

I stood there feeling like some
kind of freak in a sideshow.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Step right up to see
otis the frog boy

The volcano girl

And our feature attraction:
doug, the amazing honest boy.

He found a fortune
and he gave it away.

[ Laughing]

What was the big deal?

I did what anybody
would have done, didn't i?

You're a weirdo,
funnie.

Nobody in the universe
would turn in free money

Except you.

It belongs to
somebody else.

Oh, man, tell me

I'm not hearing
what I'm hearing.

You could have kept it and,
duh... Had the money.

I would have taken
it off your hands.

What a weirdo!

I'm not the only guy that
would have turned it in, am i?

[ Kids disagree]

Skeet, do you think
I'm a weirdo?

Sure... But is
there anything wrong

With being a weirdo?

Great... Now I was a weirdo,
and if that wasn't enough...

I thought it was
the right thing.

Right and wrong--
such bourgeois concepts.

It was your destiny
to find that money.

You don't understand, judy.

Mr. Destiny called and
dougie put him on hold.

Judith!

I'm proud of you.

I think you did
the right thing.

Yeah, thanks, mom.

Doug, exactly
how much was it

That you did the
right thing with?

Phil!

Sorry.

Maybe it was

The chance of a lifetime.

[ Imitating
herve villechaize:]
look, boss

The plane, the plane!

[ Excited chatter]

Patti:
what a dream!

Welcome to funnie island,
where your fantasies come true.

Roger, show
our guests

To their riches,
fame and fortune.

Right, boss.

Oh, doug, you're my fantasy.

[ Echoing]:
fantasy... Fantasy.

After a while,
I'd practically forgotten

About the whole thing, until...

Doug:
hello, officer.

What's your story, kid?

You called
me in.

I'm the weirdo
who turned in the
cold, hard cash.

Oh, it's you!

Wait right there.

Don't move.

[ Blows whistle]

[ Both scream]

All:
congratulations!

Way to go, dougie.

That's right, kid.

No one claimed it in days.

The law says it's yours.

Here you go.

All right.

We're rich!

Whoo-whoo!

We're rich.

Money, money, money.

Hey, weirdo.

What you been doing?

Rolling pennies?

[ Laughs]

No.

[ Kids gasp]

Joey kookamunga!

Can I help you up,
mr. Funnie?

Hey, guys,
did you see

The load of mazuma funnie has?

[ Children ooh and ahh]

How do you do, sir?

Beautiful day
for shopping.

Can I make you
a cappuccino?

Suddenly, I didn't feel
like a weirdo anymore.

I felt... Well, rich.

What do you know, porkchop?

Honesty isthe best policy.

... ... ... ...

Hello, mr. Destiny, I'm home.

,... ,.

[ Laughs]

I guess nice guys can
finish first after all.

,...

,...

[ Together with woman's voice:]
$,.

Huh?

I remember
I was at the bank

With my envelope
of money

Got in my car and now...

I don't know where it is!

That's bad, isn't it?

Yes!

I swanee, I'd lose my head
if it weren't bolted to my neck.

I think
I'm going to be sick.

Oh... My money belongs
to a little old lady.

Why me?

Oh, dougie,
this is wonderful.

Huh?

Your dilemma is something
out of shakespeare!

Not him again.

On the one hand

You legally own
a wad of money--

More money than you'll
probably ever have

For the rest
of your life--

But on the other hand

You know who the
money belonged to.

To keep, or to weep:
that is the question.

Bye.

I'm going to keep it.

This money is legally mine.

That lady
didn't claim it.

I'm guilt-free, and nothing's
going to change my mind.

Hopphogue:
foreclosed?

Sorry, we
took everything.

But the money's
here someplace.

I know it is.

I swanee,
I'd lose my head

If it wasn't bolted
to my neck.

Sorry, took the bolts, too.

Oh, no!

[ Growls]

Kids:
hi, doug.

Good morning,
how's your money?

I mean, how are you?

Out of my way.

[ Kids gasp]

He's gone
eccentric.

Kids:
what's going on?

Where do you
think he's going?

[ Gulps]

Yes, may I help you?

Lady, I think
this belongs to you.

[ Kids gasp]

Oh, my goodness!

I don't know
what to say.

Thank you so much!

Oh, how can I
ever repay you?

Oh! Hold on
a minute.

Looks like you'll get some cash
out of this after all.

I hope you
like spearmint.

Thank you again,
young man.

I'll never forget
you for this.

Ha!

Goody... Gum!

I hope you got enough
for everybody.

Go ahead, say it.

I'm a weirdo.

I don't care anymore.

[ Car horn honks]

Hey, doug.

Judy! What are you doing here?

I saw what you did.

And you think I'm a weirdo, too.

Hop in.

Let's go get a shake.

I'd love to, judy,
but I'm broke.

My treat.

Come on.

You earned it.

You know,
sometimes it can cost a lot

To do the right thing.

Today it cost me $,.

But you know what?

Getting a free shake out of judy

Almost makes
the whole thing worth it.

Doug:
dear journal, the moody school
always means trouble.

We just went to get judy.

We hadn't counted on
judy's latest boyfriend.

After mom's neo-expressionist
performance piece closes

We go to the
nouvelle vaguefestival

For dad's grunge
opera premiere.

[ Car horn honks]

Look at the time!

See you
tomorrow, kyle.

Okay, mother,
drive!

Kyle:
hey, judy.

What's the rush?

Hi, I'm kyle.

Oh, so you're kyle.

I've heard so
much about you.

Mother, gas it up.

See you, kyle.

You must come
for dinner sometime.

Sounds great.

When?

How about tonight?

You have that thing
tonight, remember?

Thing?
What thing?

That important thing
you can't possibly miss.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Dinner's at :.

Great, see you tonight.

[ Moans]

Well, he seems
like a nice boy

But what were you
going on about?

I am never speaking
to you again!

[ Screams]

So what's for dinner?

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Barks]

Mother:
I thought...

Judy:
what about my thoughts?

They were at each other's
throats all afternoon.

I was staying out of it.

The nerve of that woman!

The gall... Thinking she
could interfere in our lives!

You're supposed
to back me up.

No way, I'm not
taking sides.

But she just invited

The coolest boy I've known
in my earthly existence

To meet our
pedestrian, bourgeois

Bologna-and-mayonnaise-
eating family.

We're not that
bad, are we?

Not that bad?

Remember my last boyfriend's
visit?

[ Clock ticks loudly]

[ Chewing and gulping loudly]

[ Clock ticking continues]

[ Loud scraping]

[ Salt shakes loudly
from shaker]

[ Chewing loudly]

Gravy?

[ Crying]

Okay, so dinner isn't
always exciting.

If only mom and dad
were painters

Or nuclear scientists
or hunchbacks.

Come on, judy.

You want them to be characters

In one of
your stupid plays.

Hmm.

Oh, no, judy, no.

Thanks, dougie.

Forget I said that, please.

[ Sighs]

[ Bizet's "toreador song"
fromcarmen plays on organ]

Princess, your mom
says we're going
to meet...

It's only an hour
before kyle arrives.

You've got
lines to learn.

Lines?

Yes, now...

You're playing
a poet and novelist

Living in seclusion
after a life of piracy.

Judy, are you
feeling okay?

And you, mother

Are a groundbreaking
anthropologist

Who studied the maguano
potato worshipers.

I hope there's
no bologna in this.

Judith, this is silly.

[ Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Dear, dear.

Break a leg.

We've got to
get this stuff

Back to the
theater department.

Judy:
no problem.

We need to work fast.

We can't playact
for you.

You got me into this mess

And you're going to get me
out of it.

So what's my motivation
in this scene?

Anger... You haven't
written anything

Because of the boredom
of small-town life.

You're bitter--
try smashing things.

Move, please.

Judy:
okay, people

From the top of scene three.

Honey, the
transcendent piquancy

Of this lasagna

Recalls my youthful days
on the spanish main.

You like it?

It is a special recipe
which I learned

From the tropical
rain forest natives.

Oh, my writer's block!

Judy:
stop! Stop! Stop!

You are jumping
ahead, daddy.

This was getting weird!

I could imagine
what judy had in store for me.

Judy:
hello, kyle.

Meet my brother:
bluffington's wild boy.

He was raised
by wolves.

But then again...

Kyle, meet my brother:
agent from mi-.

Pleasure to
meet you, kyle.

If you'll excuse me,
I have a president to save.

This could be great.

Okay, dougie,
here's your costume.

Cool! I am
a secret agent.

Close... The butler.

Well, why can't I
have a cool part

Like secret agent?

Dougie, I'm
an actress.

Mom worships potatoes
and dad's an ex-pirate.

I tried to find
you a good part

But you're just
way too dull

For this family.

Okay, let's set
the light cues.

Too dull for this family, huh?

Well, we'll just see about that.

I think I have the wrong house.

Whoa!

Good evening, sir.

Miss judy awaits
in the drawing room.

Oh, kyle, so good
of you to drop by.

Hey, judy.

By the way,
who is that?

Oh, that's yancey,
the butler.

[ Yawns]

Kyle:
strange.

He looks
familiar.

And these are...

My parents.

Hello, kyle.

Sorry, we're late

But I was preparing
my anthropological lecture

On the au gratin ritual
of the maguano tribe.

Uh... Hi.

Are you the same mom
from this afternoon?

[ Doug clears throat]

Phone call for master kyle.

I didn't hear
any phone.

This way, please.

Uh... Where's
the phone?

Shhh!

Your life may be
in danger.

What?

If you need help

Call me on the sponge
but be careful...

They mustn't realize I am
actually special agent...

Oh, there you are.

What are you two
doing in here?

Just getting the hors
d'oeuvres, miss judy.

[ Laughs]

[ Elephant trumpets]

And as I
bid good-bye
to the tribe

Chief tatertot
presented me

With this
ceremonial totem.

Oh, uh... Neat,
mrs. Funnie.

In honor of
your visit, kyle

We prepared the rarest
of maguano dishes.

Please, partake
of these peas.

Oh, my writer's
block.

Oh! The agony!

It's been hard
these past years.

Huh?

[ Gagging]

Don't mind
yancey.

Ever since the
alien abduction

He hasn't
been the same.

[ Clears throat]

Oh, my writer's block!

Judy:oh, yes

Dad's having trouble
with his book.

Uh, yeah... In fact,
it's a nightmare.

Mother, read us
part of your lecture.

But that's not until
scene number , right?

Just read it.

Oh, all right.

Let me see.

Kyle:
there's a b*mb in the lasagna?

A b*mb in
the lasagna!

Great scott!

[ Yells]

Yancey!

Son!

They got me, kyle,
they got me.

I'm a goner.

[ Gasps]

You'll never get
away with it, judy.

You can k*ll me, but
there'll be others.

[ Laughs]

Why are you
all laughing?

Kyle...

It wasn't supposed
to be this way.

It's ruined.

I got the feeling
I'd gone too far.

Did I do
something wrong?

No, kyle,
not at all.

I'm afraid
it's been a very weird day.

Doug:
judy?

Are you okay?

Why did you do that?

Why did you
wreck everything?

I'm sorry, judy,
but you just made me so mad

Telling us all how
boring and stupid we were

Making me
the butler.

I guess you're right.

I'm sorry.

I was just scared
he wouldn't like me.

I've never liked
anybody as much...

Uh... Judy,
do you want me to go?

No! No.

I mean, if
you want to.

I guess
you can decide

After I tell
the truth...

What?
The performance piece?

You knew it
was a performance?

Yeah... Wasn't I supposed to?

Well, no, we were...

Of course... What
did you think?

Well, there were
a few problems
in scene three

But it all came
together for me

When the secret
agent dove on
the lasagna.

So judy's act
didn't fool anybody...

Except judy.

I guess it's normal to be
embarrassed about your family

Maybe because you
see them every day.

Thanks for dinner,
see you later.

To others, your family
isn't boring at all.

[ Laughs]

Bye... See you soon.

Ciao, bello.