05x01 - Blackstreet & Mýa

[bunniefuu]

[Chanting] corn! Corn! Corn!

Get him, corn! Get him, corn!

[Shouting and cheering on]

Whoo!

.....!

You're pinned! Whoo!

And the winner is...

A big ear of corn!

I can't believe that corn b*at me again.

That's one tough piece of fruit.

I got a delivery here for the cast of all that.

We're the cast of all that.

Well, then this would be for you, wouldn't it?

Rude!

This must be the new cast member I ordered!

Huh? Cast member?

Minutes. Did you hear me? I said minutes.

Kev, what's with the wig?

It's not a wig.

My hair has always been this way.

What's in the box?

Oh, amanda ordered a new cast member.

Amanda, now you know we can't afford a new cast member.

But he was real cheap.

I got him on sale.

His name is nick.

Hey, fellow cast members, thanks for purchasing me!

I'm so excited to be part of the all thatfamily!

Hey, not so fast, box boy.

Yeah. Not just anyone can be an all that cast member.

That's right! We're all extremely talented.

Except danny.

Yeah!

Wait.

Doesn't look so talented to me.

That's probably because I've been stuck in a box with no air

For - weeks.

I say we return him.

No! No!

Can't we keep him?

Kenan...

Josh...

I'm really, really funny.

I can do all kinds of voices and make funny faces and be like...

Doh, you know... [Mumbling]

I be like... [As sylvester stallone] hey, yo, nicky, I just wanted to know.

Adrian! [As elvis] thank you very much.

And my awkward, lanky form is well-suited for physical comedy.

Wanna see?

No.

Anybody can do that comedy stuff, even danny.

[Laughs] it's true.

Yeah, we're talking about

The kind of talent it takes to damage and/or embarrass kevin.

It's what makes these kids so special.

So you mean I can join the cast

If I do something like... Rip kevin's wig off?

There you go. Yeah! Exactly.

It's not a wig!

Keep off the do!

Man...this thing's glued on tight!

[Pop]

Oh, I'm headless.

Or bodiless.

You guys...i think I broke kevin.

Welcome to the cast!

W-wait. Where you goin'?

Somebody? Anybody?

Nick, was it?

Minutes!

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It'sall that.

♪ This is l ♪-oh

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Befor an introductio

♪ Is all of that ♪

♪ And yes,

♪

♪ On the grou

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cado

♪ Is all of that

♪Ng you

♪ Is all of

♪ 'N' right back ♪

♪At

All that ♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

This is my special tasty beef loaf

Sculpted into the shape of my face.

Mmm. Good loaf.

And what have you prepared for us today?

I call this lobster a la...

Really, really expensive.

Mmm. Tastes expensive.

It is expensive.

[Humming]

Why, hello there, my judicious little angels!

For the cook-off, miss piddlin has prepared some

Peas.

Peas? That's it?

Ha ha ha!

Well, everybody loves peas!

Now why don't the two of you taste my peas

So that you can declare them... ♪ The winner

The winner? But that's just a plain old bowl of peas.

Plain? Did you just refer to miss piddlin's peas

As plain?!

Oh! Oh! Oh! No...

He only meant that

All the other contestants cooked a little bit something more special is all.

Oh, I understand. Y-y-you want my special peas.

Lemme get those for you, baby. Hold on.

Here we go!

But that's just the same old boring bowl of peas.

Oh, well that's because I haven't added my secret ingredient yet...

The secret ingredient which I like to call--

Your face! Mash it on in there!

You like peas?! Huh?! Huh?!

Uh-huh! Whatcha think of my peas now?

You slippin' and slidin'.

Get on outta here!

Oh!

Miss piddlin almost let her bad temper

And delicate mental condition get the best of her!

Where you think you going?!

You haven't tasted my peas yet.

Well, it just seemed like you were all out of peas!

Ha ha. Don't worry, baby.

We always have more peas.

Julio!

Here you go, miss piddlin.

Yet another plate of peas.

[Screams] don't hurt me!!

Thank you, julio.

A nice boy, that julio.

Well, why don't you taste my award-winnin' peas?

All right.

Just one?

More! I said more!

It's just delicious. You're the winner!

I won! Oh, I won!

Oh, what a surprise!

Did you hear that, my little precious orbs of goodness? ♪ We won

That's not fair. You didn't even taste my scalding hot moose chowder yet.

Oh, oh, oh!

Well, why don't we just taste the fool dish

You feel is superior to the peas!

Shall we?

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh! Oh! It's scalding hot!

Oh! Oh!

What kinda phony contest is this?

This is crazy!

No...this is crazy.

What if I was to just stand over here,

Grab your little lob-a-ster...

And hit and hit and hit and hit and hit?

Hey, what's so great about peas anyway?!

Peas bite bees!

Well, let me explain.

See...this is your head when you're eatin' peas.

Aw, isn't it pretty? Mm-hmm!

But then...

Thisis your head...

When you don't eat peas!

Ah, yeah! Ah! Ah!

No, my face!

No, these are my babies.

Let me put those back down.

Miss piddlin, your peas have already won

First prize.

There's no need for further destruction!

Yes! Oh, that's right, isn't it?

You like peas.

You really like peas!

Oh, let's celebrate

By singin' a song about peas.

Julio!

♪ When I find myself in times of hunger ♪

♪ A sweet green veggie comes to me ♪

♪ Lookin' all round and tasty ♪

♪ Have a pea sing it!

♪ Have a pea, have a pea

♪ Have a pea, have a pea

♪ Have a pea, have a pea

And now, danny tamberelli with vital information for your everyday life.

It's easy to milk a cow.

It's weird to milk a toothless hippy named maurice.

Fool me once, shame on you!

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me times,

Shame on reinhart, the dancing monkey boy!

♪♪♪

If you can count to on one hand,

Then good luck buying gloves, you -fingered freak!

This has been danny tamberelli

With vital information.

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that ♪

It's so unsanitary!

I've never seen anything more disgusting!

[Belches]

Get to class, girl.

♪ Here we go fightin', celebrate ♪

All right.

Sal, you tasteless janitor gaseous,

On what promises to be

A fine, fine day.

Principal pimpell, we've got a problem here.

It's the water fountain.

Yes, I recognize it.

It serves a delicious yet flavorless beverage.

No, no, no. I mean the kids keep stickin' the gum on it.

Chewin' gum?

Yuck!

Why, the water fountain is supposed to be

A germ-free oasis of a liquid refreshment.

Such unsanitary sanitation

Is simply insanity that makes my pimple throb.

Look at it.

I hear ya. Look at how much gum I've taken off this month.

That looks disgusting.

And it tastes awful!

Well, don't worry janitor gaseous.

As principal of dullmont jr. High school,

Principal william... [Inhales]

Baines [inhale] pimpell,

My pimple and I have a plan

Of how to stop the dastardly wrong-doers.

See, what we gonna do is...

Hide over there by that there trophy case,

And then we'll be able to catch the culprit

In the midst of his unsanitary undertakin's.

Right. Yeah.

Let's move.

Look, a suspect approaches.

The gum stops here.

[Coughs]

Ah-choo!

Sit tight.

Man, that was a long run!

Yes, I love that!

Oh! Whew!

Ah...that's refreshing.

Oh, I'll be!

The fungus is just comin' right off!

Man, we been here nearly a minute,

And we still haven't seen anything unusual or disgusting.

Excuse me.

Do you know where I can rinse off my skunk?

Well, there's a water fountain right over there.

Thanks.

Seymour,

You are one filthy skunk!

You need a bath!

Oh, there you go.

Oh, no! This heart is going into thrombotic ventricular refarction!

We'd better get it into water, stat!

[Heartbeat starts]

Whew. Another life saved.

Good work, doctor.

Eh! This milk is spoiled! Eech!

Was that gum in that milk?

No!

Drats! Drats!

And if I may do so, I would like to reiterate--drats!

I got all this monkey juice.

Now all I need me is a water fountain.

Bingo!

I don't believe it!

I know. We didn't catch a single student

Puttin' gum on the water fountain.

Hey! Hey, you!

Aha!

So...

You're the culprit!

Boy, don't you understand that what you are doin'

Is gross, disgustin',

And highly unsanitary?

It makes my pimple swell with rage. See?

Talk about gross and disgusting.

You coming with me. Don't you give me no back talk.

Wait a minute. My pimple's a little dry.

That's much better.

Come here, boy!

♪ This is all that ♪

It's time for ask ashley.

Thaaaat's me!

Hi, I'm ashley,

And I'm here to answer more of your letters.

Our first letter comes from...

"Rachel burson of cleveland ohio."

Rachel writes...

"Dear ashley..."

Thaaaat's me!

"Dear ashley, there's a strange man

"Who always stands in front of my class and talks about stuff.

"Sometimes he makes us read. Other times he makes us add stuff up like numbers.

Who is this strange man?"

Well, rachel, I think I can tell you who the strange man is.

He's your stinkin' teacher!

Your teacher, you brainless dunderhead!

And obviously, he's not a very good teacher

Because you are a stinking, uneducated dufus!

Man!

Our next letter comes from...

"Benjamin ross of pittsburgh, pennsylvania."

Benjamin writes...

"Dear ashley..."

Thaaaat's me!

"Dear ashley, there's this big, bright ball of light in the sky

"Above my house.

"I've tried all the light switches,

"But none of them seem to turn it off.

"Whenever I stare into it,

"My eyes hurt like the dickens-- whatever that means.

Ashley, what is this huge ball of fire and light?"

Gee, benjie, I dunno.

But maybe it's...

The stinking sun!

The sun, you misguided monkey boy!

I think you've stared at it so long

That you've melted your stinking brain!

Here's an idea.

Why don't you take your empty head over to cleveland, ohio,

And borrow rachel burson's brain?

She sure ain't usin' it!

Maaaan!

Our next letter comes from...

"Alice holland of glendale, california."

Alice writes...

"Dear ashley..."

Thaaaat's me!

"Dear ashley, I left the door to my house wide open this morning and went to school.

"When I got home, all my stuff was gone!

"My tv, my stereo, my couch, my other tv--

"Everything.

"Did all of my stuff turn invisible?

"Maybe it all just got up and ran away from home.

Ashley, what do you think?"

What do I think?

Well, alice, I think...

You were stinking robbed!

Burgled by thieves! Ripped off!

I also think that you are dumber than the stinking couch that was stolen from you!

I'm alice--whatever!

And I believe that all my stuff turned invisible!

And blah-dee-blah-dee- blah-dee-blah-dee-blah!

Here's some advice.

Why don't you ride your invisible bike over to pittsburgh

And pick up benjamin ross?

He'll be the big lump of stupid staring into the stinking sun!

Then the two of you can head over to cleveland, ohio,

And visit rachel burson's mystery teacher!

Maybe he can teach you why

You are all such stinking idiots!

Man!

Well, that's all the advice I have for you today.

Bye-bye, everybody!

Oh, yeah. Kick it!stay tuned,