01x07 - Drive By

[bunniefuu]

Here you go, thanks.
Next please?

- Can I grab one of the apples, please?
- Uh, you, sir?

- And a... and a banana.
- I think he was first.

No, you were first.
What are you having, sir?

- Uh, two apples.
- All right.

Don't... don't forget
to get me my, uh, banana.

Thanks.

Excuse me, sir, I'll just, um... get one
of the apples, please.

- And a banana.
- A banana.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Look, guys, I don't want
any trouble here, all right?

- I'm sorry?
- Where are you from?

- New Zealand.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

Why don't you get lost?
I don't serve your kind here.

Um, I'd just like
to buy an apple, please?

- And... and a banana, Bret.
- That one, thanks.

That apple isn't for sale.

Neila,

can you go boil this
in disinfectant?

Thank you.

I don't want our customers
complaining that our fruit

tastes like New Zealanders.

Hmm.

Okay, well,
thank you very much.

Yeah.
Thanks, guys.

Okay, band meeting.
Jemaine.

- Yes.
- Bret.

What's wrong with
being from New Zealand?

Are you picking
on Bret again, Jemaine?

No, I... I didn't
pick on him.

- It was a...
- You're from New Zealand as well.

Yeah, I know that.

Murray... present.
And I'm from New Zealand.

You're insulting me as well.

I didn't... but... but it
wasn't even me that...

You're hurting all of us when you
bring down New Zealand, okay?

- Stop it.
- L... but I didn't pick on him.

Tension in the band.

Bret upset.
All sorted now.

- Do we have any gigs, Murray or...
- No.

Any band opportunities?

Actually, Bret,
something from your mom.

Here we are.
You might like this.

I don't know what it is.
It seems empty.

Oh, great.
This is my favorite box.

And I got this
from my mom.

Nothing from your mom, Jemaine.

So?

I'm just saying, all right?

I've got a DVD here

that Mom recorded
from TV shows back home.

I thought you
might wanna watch it.

That's not a DVD,
by the way.

Yes, it is.
Dubbed video dub.

Oh, hello.

- Tech support.
- Uh, sorry to interrupt.

Um, I got your memo.

You wanted to know when
I'd be installing your new computer?

- Yes.
- Still 2:30.

Okay. Good.
I'm still free then.

Okay. See ya.

Oh, this is my band
I was telling you about.

- This is, uh, Jemaine.
- How are ya?

- Hi. Hi.
- And this is Bret.

And this is...
tech support advisor.

She's putting all the new
computers in... in the office.

- Ahh.
- Wow.

Upgrading from
the old system now.

25 years and it's
already obsolete, that one.

- They move fast now, don't they?
- Hmm, yes.

Upgrading. Yeah.

We're just having a band meeting...
talking about upcoming gigs,

- that sort of thing.
- Yeah, there's none.

- It's pretty rock and roll...
- Right.

- The sort of thing we talk about...
- Well, I gotta go.

- It was nice to meet you. Bye, guys.
- Yeah.

- See you at 2:30.
- Right.

You all right, Murray?

I'm in love.

Who with?

Her... from tech support.

What about your wife?

- I'm separated.
- Are you?

- Are you?
- Yes!

You should have
told us something.

I moved in with
you guys for a month.

- I was upset, remember?
- Oh, is that why you were there?

Oh, come on, guys.

- You talked me down off the roof.
- Ah, yes yes.

- Remember?
- No.

And "The Dog Show"
takes a break next week...

That was a great
episode of "The Dog Show."

That guy was
so rude to me.

- What guy?
- The... the guy at the fruit shop.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's unbelievable.
He just insulted me.

He was all right.

No, he was r*cist.

And the guy
told us to leave,

said he wouldn't
serve our kind.

- Yeah.
- That's r*cist and a little bit rude.

Yeah. Well who knows
what he could have meant?

Channel 1...
New Zealand's 1.

Coming up
tonight at 8:00

we have an episode of "What Have You
Done to My House?"

And now it's time for everyone's
favorite dragon, "Albi."

- ♪ In the Marmalade Forest ♪
- ♪ Forest ♪

♪ Between
the make-believe trees ♪

♪ In a cottage-cheese cottage ♪

- ♪ Lives Albi ♪
- ♪ Albi ♪

- ♪ Albi ♪
- ♪ Albi ♪

♪ Albi, the r*cist Dragon. ♪

Part six.

And so, all of the villagers
chased Albi the r*cist Dragon

into a very cold
and very scary cave.

It was so dark
and so scary in there

that Albi began to cry...
dragon tears,

which, as we all know,

turn into jellybeans!

Just then, he felt
a tiny hand on his tail.

And he turned around
and who should it be

but the badly b*rned
Albanian boy

from the day before.

What are you doing?
I thought I k*lled you yesterday...

...grumbled Albi
quite racistly.

Nah, no, Albi.

You didn't k*ll me
with your dragon flames.

I crawled to safety.

But I was left
very badly d*sfigured...

...laughed the boy.

Why are you crying, Albi?

Well, all of the villagers

chased me into
this scary cave.

I think it's
because I'm so r*cist.

Get your hand off my tail,
you'll make it dirty.

They didn't chase you here
because of your racism.

They chased me here too

when I became all
d*sfigured like this.

They just don't like us

because... because
we're different to them.

And at that,
Albi cried a single tear

which turned
into a jellybean

all the colors
of the rainbow.

And suddenly,

Albi wasn't r*cist anymore.

- ♪ So they sat in the cave ♪
- ♪ The cave ♪

- ♪ And ate bubblegum pie ♪
- ♪ Yum! ♪

♪ Albi, the r*cist ♪

♪ Albi, the r*cist ♪

♪ Albi, the r*cist... ♪

Well, not anymore.

♪... Dragon ♪

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Are you crying over
the kids' show?

Yes. So?

- Are you crying?
- Yeah. So what?

So he wouldn't
serve us, basically,

just because we're
from New Zealand.

Is that the norm?

Well, you guys
are in America now

and there's a lot
of "prejudism" here,

especially towards
people like you.

What do you mean
people like us?

You know, the...
the English and whatnot.

- Redcoats... the oppressors.
- We're not English...

Be that as it may, Jemaine,

you're pretty much the most
disliked race in this whole country.

Wh... wh... what
about black people?

They don't like you either.

Neither do the Chinese,
the Asians,

the Polish, Russian,

Croatians,
even the Indians.

Yeah, but Dave, you're Indian.
You hate us?

Yeah.

Sometimes.

But you're
our best friend.

I know.

You can't sit there,
gotta go to the back.

I'm sorry.
Back of the bus.

Why don't you get an apple from someone
who doesn't hate our country, Bret?

Thanks so much.

Excuse me, I'd like
to buy this apple, please.

New Zealander...

stop touching my fruit!
It's not allowed.

What's wrong
with New Zealanders?

Hey, Neila!
Can we bleach this one up?

It's been infected!

I wanna buy that.
I'll pay for it.

No, not this apple,
New Zealandy.

You can buy apples
from over there...

my special
New Zealand section.

$10 apiece.

There's a dog
in the New Zealand section.

Well, it's
for dogs from America

and people
from New Zealand.

Yeah, you're being r*cist.

How dare you
call me a r*cist!

He doesn't mean r*cist.
He means xenophobic.

Oh. Well, you're
being xenophobic.

You know what?
Just get lost, New Zealanders.

I'm not going anywhere till I get
a Red Delicious and a banana.

You want a brown delicious
to the face?

No.

You wanna make
trouble for me, huh?

I don't. Bret was sort of
driving this situation.

We're not going anywhere
till we get an apple.

I'm gonna count to 10.

You... are you
counting in your head?

- Yeah.
- What are you up to?

- Seven.
- Oh.

Yeah, get your shitty bikes
and get out of here

before I peel
your beard off!

♪ There's too many
mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ There's too many
mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪... uck ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ With my shi... ♪

♪ How many mother... uckers? ♪

♪ Too many to count,
mother... uckers ♪

♪ I pay my mother... ucking
rent fortnightly ♪

♪ Mother... uckers at the bank
trying to play me ♪

♪ An amount from my account
goes out on A.P. ♪

♪ On A.P. ♪

♪ Yeah, you know me ♪

♪ Mother... ucker charge
a two-buck transaction fee ♪

♪ Makes my payment short,
my rent comes back to me ♪

♪ Minus a $25 penalty ♪

♪ So you fee me 'cause
of your mother... ucking fee ♪

♪ Read the word
on my ATM slip ♪

♪ Said we're all
mother... uckers ♪

♪ and we're... ucking
with your shi..., come on ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ My transactional shi... ♪

♪ There's too many
mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ My weekly statement shi... ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers ♪

♪... ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ With my balance shi... ♪

♪ How many mother... uckers? ♪

♪ Too many to count,
mother... uckers ♪

♪ The mother... ucker runs
a r*cist... ucking grocery ♪

♪ The mother... ucker
won't sell an apple to a Kiwi ♪

♪ The shi... fight's gonna get
vicious and malicious ♪

♪ Cut the cr...
I need my Red Delicious ♪

♪ Tells me that as a Kiwi
that my money isn't valid ♪

♪ Gonna dice the mother... ucker
like a mother... ucking... ♪

♪ Then... on...
Granny Smith... up ♪

♪ An avocado... ♪

♪... uckin'... mango... ♪

♪ Then... uckin' pop
an apple in his ass, yeah ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers
- ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ I'm gonna juice
the mother... uckers ♪

♪ There's too many mother... uckers
- ucking with my shi... ♪

♪ He's gonna wake up
in a smoothie ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers
- ucking with my... ♪

♪ Everybody, come on ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Too many mother... uckers
- ucking with my shhh! ♪

- How's it going?
- Pretty bad.

We're in the middle
of a race w*r, Murray.

What's that?

Bad. We're in the middle of
a race w*r.

Have you guys
written any songs?

- We've been too busy with the race w*r.
- We're in a race w*r.

- All right!
- It's very time consuming.

Oh, excuse me. Uh, Greg told me you need
help with your computer.

Uh, yeah. Um, I just
can't seem to turn it on.

It is on.

Oh! Oh, it just comes on!
That's weird.

- Is that all?
- Yeah.

Sorry.
You're a lifesaver.

Is it hot in here?

Yep.

Hey. Oh, no.

- I've written a love song.
- For us?

No, for her,
the tech support woman.

Mmm. Mmm.

I mean I'm not, you know,
embarrassed to admit this,

but I can't really put my
emotions into... into words.

So I've decided
to use lyrics.

Well, this...
they're also words.

Oh, well can you help me with it
because you're songwriters?

Yeah, well
what have you got?

All right, well, I've got...
this is what I've got so far.

Um...

here we are.

♪ Hi. ♪

I like it.

- Yeah?
- "Hi"?

- Yep.
- Is that it?

Yeah.

- No more words?
- No.

- It's better than I expected.
- Really?

- Mmm.
- What do you think?

Have you thought about
adding some more words?

I don't know. I don't want
to make it too convoluted.

You probably want
more than one word.

How about this?

I've got: "I like pie.

I had a budgie
but it d*ed."

I don't know if
you should tell her

about your dead parrot,
should you?

Well, it's just that
it brings up emotions for me.

Um, and then I've just
got some rhymes.

"I'm shy.
I'm a guy.

- I wear ties."
- Mmm.

And then I've put
notes about her.

- She's got great legs.
- Oh, yeah.

- Great... great hair.
- Ooh, are you crazy?

- Wow, smokin' hot. Whew.
- That's what I think.

- Yeah, that's what you think.
- Yeah.

- And, um...
- Well what about:

♪ Hot leggy blonde chick,
got it going on ♪

♪ Wanna see you wearing
that thong thong thong... ♪

♪... Panties on ♪

Ooh. No, that
whole thing's...

it's inappropriate.

I can't say that
in the workplace, can I?

Too much mumbling.

Yeah, a lot of it
was inaudible.

No, I think I'll just
stick with what I've got.

And that's... it's simple.
It's... it's nice.

♪ Hi. ♪

Yeah.

- Greg?
- What's up, Murray?

Ah, yes, Greg,

oh, can you bring in the, um,
tech support woman, please?

My computer again.

- You wanna see Jessica again?
- Yes, thank you.

Ah, Jessica.
That's her name.

Go on, out you go!
Meeting over.

- Hello, Music Library.
- Hello.

Do you have the new
Gipsy Kings cassette?

Let me check.

- Yes, we have it.
- I would like to reserve it.

I'll put it aside for you.

Excellent. Goodbye.

With telephones,
you make the call.

I think I'm gonna
write him a letter,

tell him how I feel.

Yeah.

You know what
you could do?

Inject strychnine
into a piece of his fruit.

Then when a customer dies,

the C.I.A. Will trace it
back to the vendor

and he's going
straight to the big house...

Alcatraz.

Yeah, I don't really wanna
k*ll anyone though, Dave.

Why not?

Haven't you seen
"Escape From Alcatraz"?

It wasn't easy, bro.

Forget about it.

What about...
oh, no... no, never mind.

- What?
- What was it?

No, it wouldn't work.
It wouldn't work.

No, so?

Well, sometimes what I do

is I think mean thoughts
about the person.

- How do they know?
- They don't know.

I know, that's why
I didn't suggest it.

So what you guys need
is something...

a little more subtle
than framing him for m*rder,

which I actually think
is still a great idea,

but more obvious

than thinking
mean thoughts about him.

Why don't you
just insult him back?

Hey, New Zealanders!

He's out there.

New Zealanders
are all unhygienic!

That... that's a stereotype!

Hey, what are you guys doing?
You, uh, you bungee jumping up there?

- No.
- No.

No, we're not.

Hey, New Zealanders all have
tartar on their teeth!

Say a comeback to him!

He's shouting stereotypes...
r*cist stereotypes at us.

You gotta
let him have it, man.

Banana balls!

You look like a... a something...
like a banana balls.

New Zealanders all mumble.
I can't understand you.

- He turned it around back on us.
- Flip him the bird.

- What?
- Flip him the bird.

Damn.

Well, look, if you
just wanna let this guy

know you're not gonna
take his sh*t anymore,

just flip him the bird.

- Yeah?
- Right.

If you... you need a comeback,
but you can't think of something,

- flip him the bird.
- Yeah, okay.

That's it.
That's all you gotta do.

Okay.

What is the bird?

- What's that?
- That's the bird.

Well, that bird
doesn't have any wings.

- It's only got one leg.
- Have you seen this one, Dave?

No no...

No, that's not the bird,
this is the bird.

- No, that's the bird...
- This is more like a bird.

- No, that's the bird.
- That's not the bird.

This is the bird, Bret.

- That's wha... that's a little bird.
- What about this?

No, that just
looks stupid.

It looks like
you're like...

waving to two people
on either side of you.

Oh, that does too.

Dude, you gotta...
you... you... this is it.

I mean, there's nothing offensive
about that hand gesture.

Yeah, but try putting
some wings on your bird.

- There we go. That's much nicer.
- But you don't wanna be nice.

What if... what if you were doing
that one and then I snuck up behind you

- and then you doing your one...
- Don't ever...

That looks a lot
more like a bird.

It's not a f*cking
school play production.

- It's the bird.
- And what's offensive about that?

Because, you Scottish freak,

it's your way of saying, "Hey,
you better not disrespect me, man,

even though I'm gonna
disrespect you."

Can you show me
how to do that?

Yeah. I could show you.

Bird.

Got it?

No, but you don't have to...

Wrong finger. Good!

Around, and up.

Good, Bret.
Around and up.

- How about that?
- Nice.

Exactly.

Nice. One minute,
32 seconds.

Hey hey!
Cool it, man!

What are you doing?
Hey! Hey! Neila!

Cover your eyes!

How dare you come here

and give me those offensive
hand gestures at my fruit stand?

It was either this or getting you
sent into Alcatraz.

How dare you treat us
like secondhand citizens?

It doesn't matter
what country someone's from

or what they look like
or the color of their skin.

It doesn't matter
what they smell like.

Or whether they spell words
slightly differently...

some would say
more correctly.

- Yeah?
- Let me finish.

I'm a person.

- Bret's a person.
- Yep.

You're a person. That person
over there is a person.

And each person deserves to be
treated like a person.

That's a great speech.

Too bad New Zealanders
are a bunch of cocky a-holes

descended from criminals
and Ret*rded monkeys.

No, you're thinking
of Australians.

- Yeah, that's Australians.
- That's Australians.

No no no.
New Zealanders.

Throw another shrimp on the barbie.
Ride around on your kangaroos all day.

- No no no no.
- That's Australians.

You're thinking of Australians,
that's not us.

I've totally confused you
with Australians.

- L... I feel terrible.
- Oh, no. Oh, no.

Your accents...
they're just kinda similar.

The accents
are completely different.

Th... they're like,
"Where's the car?"

And we're like,
"Where's the car?"

You know what? Hey, ha...
have some of my fruit.

Please, I feel terrible.

- Do you want that Red Delicious still?
- Oh, I would love

- the Red Delicious, yeah.
- Well, this Red Delicious is on me.

- You still want that banana?
- Thank you.

- I'd love the banana.
- Here. Here you go.

- Oh, that's so crazy.
- I'm Sinjay.

- I'm Jemaine. Good to meet you.
- Bret.

Neila. You can...
you can uncover your eyes.

They're not Australian.
They're New Zealanders.

♪ Hi, leggy blonde... ♪

♪ Hi, leggy blonde... ♪

Greg, can you
come in here, please?

What is it, Murray?

Yes, um, can you get
Jessica from tech support?

My computer's broken.

Oh, she's no longer here.

Oh, that's fine.
We'll do it in the morning.

No, I mean
she's finished

installing the new
computer system.

- She's not coming back.
- Oh, right.

She's gone.

Oh.

Can I help you, Murray?

No.

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye-ee-eye ♪

♪ Leggy blonde ♪

♪ Every day I look
across the office floor ♪

♪ There you were,
your hair down to your legs ♪

♪ And your legs
down to the floor ♪

♪ Leggy blonde, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Now that you are gone ♪

♪ I'll never see you here
for tech repair ♪

♪ I wish you knew
how much I loved your legs ♪

♪ And your hair ♪

♪ Leggy blonde, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Leggy leggy
leggy leggy ♪

♪ Leggy leggy
leggy leggy ♪

♪ Leggy leggy
leggy leggy ♪

♪ Leggy leggy
leggy leggy ♪

♪ Blondie blondie
blondie blondie ♪

♪ Blondie blondie
blondie blondie ♪

♪ Blondie blondie
blondie blondie ♪

♪ Blondie blondie ♪

♪ Leggy blonde ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ I had a budgie
but it d*ed ♪

♪ Whoa whoa ♪

♪ I like pie ♪

♪ Leggy leggy
leggy leggy ♪

- ♪ Leggy leggy leggy leggy ♪
- ♪ Leggy leggy leggy leggy ♪

- ♪ Leggy leggy leggy leggy ♪
- ♪ Blondie blondie blondie blondie ♪

♪ Blondie blondie
blondie blondie ♪

♪ Blondie
blondie blondie blondie ♪

- ♪ Blondie blondie ♪
- ♪ Leggy blonde ♪

♪ I'll never get ♪

♪ I'll never get
to be with you ♪

♪ I'll never get to share
another cup of tea with you ♪

♪ Never get to let you know
how much I think of you ♪

♪ I'll never get to tear your
clothes off on the photocopier ♪

- ♪ He'll never get ♪
- ♪ He'll never get ♪

♪ He'll never get ♪

♪ He'll never get to say ♪

♪ Hot leggy blonde,
you got it goin' on ♪

♪ Wanna see you wearin'
that thong thong thong ♪

♪ See you get it on
to the break of dawn ♪

♪... Panties on ♪

♪ Goodbye. ♪