01x10 - The Fat Weed That Roots Itself

[bunniefuu]

I know she said it wouldn't happen
overnight, but sometimes it's hard
to keep going.

I will make it, and then
I'll help you all.

And make the world a better place?
Yeah.

I'm gonna start a business
selling it.

Wow. You're a master
at sewing, Kase.

You know that knicker company
you got going?

Do you need someone to run the
business side of things?

You mean you?

She's beautiful. And her.

She is really beautiful.

(CLEARS THROAT) Um, th-this is
a non-smoking workplace.

That's Chantelle. She's really
really beautiful.

She's the girl in the Save the
Animals From Cruelty campaign.

Total sweetie.

That's Pascalle West. She's...

...beautiful?

If you like that kind of thing.

Yes. I do.

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

There was all these really
ugly, ugly fat guys,

and they kept saying, 'Say the line,
say the line.' I have no clue what
they're talking about.

I can't tell them to piss off
because I'm the First Officer
Octopus from Star Brigade.

First Officer Octavia?

I'm like, 'Back off. I'm standing
beside the washed-up star

while he signs photos of himself
before he was fat.' 'Say the line.'

'In the name of all that is
good in the universe,

'Captain, we must hunt them to the
moons of Nebulon, or die trying.'

CELLPHONE RINGS

You were at the sci-fi convention,
weren't you, Kurt?

Just for an hour.

You better be calling to beam me up.

There's a job.

Last time you said that, I was eye
candy for retards while Captain
Alcoholic touched my thighs.

for a night's work.

Oh.

OK. Where, when and what?

f*ck.

See ya.

Isn't that culturally insensitive?

What?

Sitting on the table.

This fishtail is cutting off the
blood to my arse, if that's what
you mean.

Not quite.
Evening, Mr Wilkes.

No, thanks.

You're Grant Wilkes.
Yes, I am.

My mum loves you on TV. She
even bought one of your CDs.

Your mum has exceptional taste.

Shit, I wouldn't go that far.

What?

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

CROWD WHOOPS

Ladies, ladies, if you'd like
to charge your glasses,

and then pop on into the master
bedroom and try on some of the
samples laid out,

and don't forget our hostess over
there, who is taking the orders.
Thank you.

Kase, when you took this booking,
you didn't tell me they were cops.

Who cares? They're buying shitloads.

My house is full of cops.

So, you're Cheryl West?

So they tell me.

Heard a lot about you.

None of it's true.

That's what they said you'd say.

The, ah, fake-fur trim Jolene
Jolene baby-doll, can I get that
in caramel?

Yeah, sure.

Add it to the rest.

Monica Judd.

But you can call me Sergeant.

Any relation to Wayne Judd?

Only by marriage.

I've sorted it.

Sorted what?

The lawyers couldn't decide whether
to get up in arms over you sitting
on a food table,

or claim you for their iwi.

What did you do about it?

I bought you for five blankets.

You think I'm worth it?

Ever been on TV?

No.

There's a game show my company is
developing. You would be perfect.

Cos it involves fish?

Turning numbers, wheeling on prizes.
Pretty demeaning stuff, actually.

As opposed to this?

True. How is the circulation?

I can't feel my arse any more.

Maybe it's time to call it a night.

Yeah, OK.

Sprint for it.

Oh, oh, oh.

(GIGGLES)

This is too weird.

Why? Everyone has to
come from somewhere.

But what, four streets away?

I thought I'd left
West Auckland for good.

Do you want a drink? I've got
a bottle of Jack in my room.

Nah, nah. I'm good.

Sorry. "Grant Wilkes'
Battle with the Bottle."

You shouldn't believe what you
read in those magazines.

So that thing with Kylie Bax...?

Well, they get it right now
and again, I suppose.

Thanks.
What for?

Rescuing me. Giving me a lift home.

Butter chicken. Farting up a storm.

Maybe I should head home.

Great to meet you, Pascalle.

Nice to meet you too, Grant.

(FARTS)

Grant Wilkes?

Grant Wilkes dropped me home.

The w*nk*r off TV?

He's also a happily married man.
Why is he dropping you all the way
out here?

Cos he's a gentleman.
No-talent dickhead.

I love that doco about
him and his wife and IVF.

Yes, I cried.

I told Grant that.
I cried too.

His wife looked really good with her
legs spread out in those stirrups.

Grandpa, you were there last
night. Grant Wilkes?

Who?
The guy from the telly.

John Campbell?

Look, he was here, OK?

No one's saying he wasn't, darling.

I am.

On the doorstep.

Oh.

For you.

See? I told you he was here.

What is this job he wants you to do?

Only the job that's gonna
make me very famous.

Grant Wilkes, eh?

Happily married man.

[ Uh-huh.

Pascalle said that he was
a total gentleman.

Uh-huh.

Did you go to Mr Singh's?

Yeah, on the way round.
He OK?

All good.
And he's gonna drop the
material off tomorrow?

Yeah. Sure.

Do you think lady cops wear
crotchless knickers under their
uniform?

I hope so.

You gave him the money?

He said he'd try and
deliver tomorrow.

Try?

Hey.

Murray.
Hey, Cheryl.

I thought you were still inside.

Well, gotta love that
parole thing, eh.

Hey, I need five bucks.
Your car is almost outta gas.

Che, darl.

I thought you told him to piss off.
I did.

What the f*ck was that?

He said—

We talked about how much he's
changed since he went away.

Jesus, Kase.

It's really serious this time.
He's got good plans.

Let's hope they're better
than his last plans.

Hey, you did give the money I gave
you to Mr Singh, didn't you?

(SOBS)

Oh shit.

Murray.

Oh, hey, Cheryl.

Kase gave you some money.

What, the five bucks for petrol?

No, before that, and a way
lot more than five bucks.

Oh yeah.
I want it back.

No can do.

I invested it.

What, in Telecom shares?

I've got a plan, all right?

It's just for hours.

I want the money back.

And you will get it
back, plus interest.

Just as soon as I get it
back from the guy.

Which guy?

The guy I gave the money to.

Does this 'guy' have a name?

You just think of him as the guy
that's gonna hook me into the thing
that's gonna make us all rich.

I explained all this to Kase.
hours and we're all sweet.

Or a day.

Or two.
Two days, tops.

Murray, get me that money back or
you'll beg to go back to prison.

Relax, Cheryl. It's all good.

Besides, what are you
gonna do? Call the cops?

(LAUGHS)

I mean, Grant's not entirely
unrootable for an old guy.

Put his CD on. You can
moan along to it.

Isn't he married?

What my sister's thinking, is,
'Is he the Rod Stewart to my
Rachel Hunter?'

On one hand, he is rich. And he's
connected, and he can get me a job
in television.

On a game show.
Lana started on a game show.

You'd give up Rachel to be Lana?

It's a job on TV.

And you actually think
he'll get you this job?

Of course not. By the time I'm
finished with him, he'll realise
he meant it.

CELLPHONE BEEPS

Didn't Grant and Sandy just reaffirm
their wedding vows in Fiji?

How do you know that?

Mum reads the magazines.

Did I ask how your mum knows that?

He wants to meet.

Well, all I can say, is if you think
you know what you're doing...

Which I do.

All the things you read about me,
they're not true. The TV stuff, it's
not me. It's just not.

Some of the things are nice.

The things my publicist tells them.
The rest is crap. I haven't even met
the people I've had affairs with.

It must be tough being
in the public eye.

Yes. Yes, it is. You so understand.
It's like you're not your own person
any more.

Suddenly you're public property.

I guess I'd get used to it.

There are people that say I bring it
on myself, with the docos on my life
that my company makes.

I know heaps of people who enjoy
them, like the one on the triplets
in Russia. My mum was in tears.

You wanna know the truth?

Sure.

You can take them out of Russia,
but you can't take Russia out of
them.

Talk about dour. When they're not
informing on each other, they're
informing on me.

How does Mum feel about this?

Sandy's not the Madonna figure the
magazines make her out to be.

Screaming psychotic bitch,
more like it.

Then why do you stay with her?

I dunno. Ah,

family. I'm very aware of what it
is to be a father and a role model.

I guess I can't help but hold
on to those old values.

Grant,

if I'm making things worse
for you, I want you to tell me.

You? How?

Just being here with you.

We're just talking.

We don't have to just talk.
Not if you don't want.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh, oh.

(GURGLES)

(SPITS)

Wow. So you've landed yourself an
egotistical w*nk*r. Good work (!)

And now he's had his wicked way—

One blow job is not a wicked way,
Loretta. He'll be back for the whole
sack of spuds,

and he'll be so p*ssy-whipped, he'll
beg me to take the job to keep me
around.

Do you think Rachel talks dirty?

He's hooked. He needs to wriggle.

OK. I know this is a
really stupid question—

Then don't ask it.

...but what about his wife and kids?
Do they factor at all in this?

Christ, Loretta, you are
so naive at times.

I'm the naive one?

Mmm.

If you say so.

Mr Singh? Mr Singh? Yeah,
you've made your point.

Shit, thanks for nothing.

INDIAN ACCENT: 'You know my terms.
Cash, no credit.'

OK. How much fabric have we got?

Not enough to fill all these.

We've got bugger-all satin, no
fake fur, and we need leather to
fill that d*ke party order.

We were bloody pushing
shit up hill, even before.

I've sunk all my cash into this.
Anyone else got any money they wanna
loan the business?

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

I'm so sorry. It's all my fault.

You took the money and you gave it
to your dipshit boyfriend to invest
in dr*gs. Yes, it's your fault.

I'm sure if you explain that
to the cops they'll understand (!)

There's a problem with
one of the suppliers.

Why are you telling me?

It might mean a delay in delivery.

You assured me the goods
would be delivered.

Now they may not.

I've got something special
planned for that weekend.

The problem could go away if we
advanced the supplier double the
usual advance.

We paid a deposit.
I know.

You're not getting any more.

It'll speed things up.

If this is some
West family con job...
No, it's not.

If you're pulling something, I will
persecute you from here to kingdom
come.

Thought that was your husband's job.

You haven't dealt with me yet.

Cheryl.
Oh God. Another one.

Do you know Monica?

I didn't till now. Tell her not to
worry. I'll make sure you have your
naughty weekend.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
I've spoilt the surprise.

Don't worry, the Jolene Jolene
baby-doll in caramel is a surprise
all on its own.

Tell your wife and her girl-cop
mates that they'll get their
knickers in time, all right?

They never did find out
who those bastards were.

I didn't make much of a fuss about
it. These things happen and you move
on.

Yeah.

Suppose you do.

Have you seen Murray recently?

That loser?
Yeah, that loser.

Only down at the pub.

Do you know who he's
doing business with?

Who'd do business with that moron?

Exactly.

It'd be great if you came back to
our business. That would be a help.

It's not gonna happen, Eric.

See ya.
You in for dinner?

Not really.

I do need to ask you a question,
though. It's business-related.

Fire away.

I need a loan. Short-term loan.
Legitimate loan. I promise I'll
pay you back.

(SOBS)

Oh God.

Sorry. It's this pain medication
they got me on. I'm all over the
place.

Since you left the business, it's—

Gone down the crapper. Yeah.

Mind you, I hear your Hoochie Mama
thing is going very well.

I'd love to have a look at
that lingerie sometime.

I hear Rochelle is modelling
it for you.

You like?

Very much.

You paid for it.

Don't get much for your
money these days.

No, you don't.

But...

you know the best thing
about this bikini?

What's that?

Now, that is a very
impressive feature.

I thought so.

Your sister?

Give it a rest, Kurt.

I'm just— I mean, she really
wouldn't. Not with Grant Wilkes.

She wouldn't.

Oh my God.

Look, this unholy thing
you've got for my sister...

But him? He's a plonker. Why him?

Oh, oh, oh.

Kurt, you don't know
Pascalle like I do.

True. I don't know her any way.

You never will, because you are not
a Grant Wilkes of this world.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh.
Just think of her every
evening when you shower.

I shower in the morning.
Don't wanna know, Kurt.

So, do you think we could, like,
actually go to the bank for a loan?

As long as we skip the fact that we
spent the money on a drug deal.

I'm sure our plan to sell peekaboo
bras to every fat chick in West
Auckland will reel them in (!)

Murray will have the money tomorrow.

And he'll say that tomorrow, and
then next week, and next month.

Jesus, Kase, how many times do I
have to tell you? He is a loser.
Dump him.

I do. Every time.

Then he crawls back and you let him
walk over you every blimmin' time.

Why pick on me?

Gee, Kasey, I dunno. Maybe it's
because you took everything we
worked for, your bloody idea,

and you bloody screwed it up.

I'm sorry.

Sorry for being such
a disappointment.

And the next plan is?

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

This is my special place.

It's lovely.

I bought it when I
made my first million.

I come here to recharge
my batteries.

I could tell.

You know, apart from my wife, you're
the first woman I've ever brought
here.

Really?

That's so sweet.
I'm really flattered.

A religious figure with
long hair and a beard.

Santa.
Joining us for breakfast
tomorrow again, Draska?

Yeah.

Any idea where she is?

[ You gotta cut the
apron strings, Mum.

I'm worried about her.

Why? ]

This disappearance, it's not
Grant Wilkes-related, is it?

Would that be a bad thing?

He's a knobhead, man.

He was here the other night.

Yeah, I know, Ted.

Didn't look anything like
he does on the telly.

He was born years ago.

Santa.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Nothing to do with me.

Why did you tell my husband?

Oh. I'm sorry. Did
I ruin the surprise?

Every cop in West Auckland knows.
You wouldn't believe the shit we're
getting.

What are you bitching to me about
it for? Go and talk to Wayne.

You guaranteed discretion.

Oops.

Do you want me as an enemy, Cheryl?

Why not? Join the g*ng.

I want our money back.

You paid your money, you'll get your
knickers on time. How you use it is
up to you and Wayne.

Jesus.

Why don't we just break into
Singh's and steal what we need?

Nah, he'd know it was us.

It would really help if we knew
who Murray gave the money to.

No shit, Sherlock.

Don't get snarky at me.

You're not exactly being helpful.

Fine.

You sort it out. I mean,
I just used to work here.

Oh, f*ck.

Darling, the autobiography can wait.
It's more important that I'm there—

It's no problem, honest.
I'll drive straight back.

Yeah. I love you, too. Bye.

One of the triplets is sick.

Which one?

How the f*ck should I know?

I'm gonna have to go back. Sorry.

It's all right.

There's always the trip back.

TYRES SCREECH

SIREN WAILS

Stop.
What?

Be cool.

Sir, you were driving a little
erratically there, and— Pascalle?

Oh God.

Officer, look, whatever it is,
I'm sure we can sort it out.

What are you—? What? Oh.

I—I dropped my lip balm.

CAMERA CLICKING

Oh, shit.

What?

Oh, I'm in big trouble.

Why? I sucked your d*ck. You're
not over the limit or anything.

Not that.

What a ho.

Hey, that's my sister.

Can I get that when you're done?

No. Give it here.

Once upon a time, they used to put
little stars on the nipples.

It must make your heart swell to see
one of your ex-students make it big.

As long as nothing of yours is
swelling seeing pictures of your
sister in the nuddy.

Thought you'd walked out.

On the bright side, your daughter
has got a body to die for.

DOOR OPENS

[ What?

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

I turn my back for
two bloody minutes,

and you let her cavort
all over the place.

What the f*ck do you
think you're up to?

I didn't let her do anything. I'm as
pissed off about this as you are.

Blokes are putting those
pictures all over their walls.

You know what that means
when the lights go out.

I didn't need to hear that.

Well, I don't need to hear it
either, if you catch my drift.

Oh, don't.
Are you dealing with this?

I'm trying.

Do.

Did you even stop to think
about the triplets?

SMOTHERED CHUCKLING

'Mystery blonde'? What is this shit?
Don't journalists do any research?

I have a name.

CELLPHONE BEEPS

(CHUCKLES MIRTHLESSLY) You bet your
tiny little d*ck we should talk.

(LAUGHS)

Were you followed?

How would I know?

Behind you — the rear-view mirror.

I don't use the rear-view mirror.

They've been stalking me,
but I gave them the slip.

My life has been hell since
that magazine came out.

Yeah, well, try living in mine.

I don't think that'd be
a very good idea.

Look, things are a
bit tricky right now.

So you're gonna dump me now
that the shit has hit the fan?

I'm just thinking putting things
on hold — for a while.

Like... the game-show job?

What game-show job?

I'm leaving now.
Wait. Wait.

Do you remember how you said
you'd do anything for me?

I'm not giving you one for the road.

No, no, no. Not that.

Not only did I get nothing out of
this, but the son of a bitch begged
me not to talk to the media.

I was this close.

Oh, come on. Now everybody in NZ
thinks you're a big slut. How is
that nothing?

No, they think the mystery blonde is
a big slut. Nobody knows who I am.

Well, what's the big deal? So you're
not famous. Why do you care so much?

Loretta, I'm not brainy like Jethro;
I'm not evil like you. All I've got
to make it is this, these, this.

You can be brainy and evil your
whole life, but I have a time
limit on this.

And I have to be
famous before it sags.

But why do you need to be famous?

It's just the way it is.

OK.

If you're gonna survive this,
you're gonna need my help — for
a percentage.

Why will I need your help?

Because women's magazines
are evil, and so am I.

Well, maybe it's just a coincidence.

You slammed the door in the cop's
face, and next thing the pound are
at my place.

'Coincidence' my arse, Cheryl.

I'm sorry they impounded Thor, but
what do you want me to do about it?

He's a chihuahua, Cheryl! God knows
what the other dogs are doing to him
down at the pound.

Oh, look. Misery loves company.

Unless you're here to tell me where
the money is, I'm not interested,
Kase.

I know where the money is.

I mean, I know who the guy is
Murray gave the money to.

Which means, I guess, I know
where the money might be.

If that helps.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That helps.

Murray likes to be tied up. So last
night I say, 'I am not untying you—'

I'm not interested in the details,
just where the money is.

Luther's got it.

Luther Wallace?

Sheila Wallace's boy.

I think.
You think?

Murray was pretty ripped. But I'm
pretty sure he means Luther Wallace.

SOFTLY: Shit.

What?
Do you know Luther Wallace?

He sat on my knee while I drank
gin with his mum in the kitchen.

He's changed since then.

I'm pretty sure it's Luther Wallace.

I mean, Murray was pretty hacked
off, because I got wax in his eye,

so he may have just been saying that
so I'd take the cock ring off him,
cos his balls were turning white.

Did you give the money
to Luther Wallace?

Oh, don't do that shit.
What shit?

Acting like you're important.
Does Luther have the money?

I'm getting involved in a deal—

I don't care what you're
involved in. Get it back.

Off Luther?
Yes, off Luther.

What—? Are you f*cking nuts?

Fine. I'll get it myself.

While I'm at it, I'll tell him
not to associate with dickheads.

PASCALLE: We met at a charity
function where he swept me off
my feet.

I mean, he just seemed so sad and
lonely, looking for someone to talk
to.

And that's what he did most
of the time — just talked.

NEEDLE SCREECHES

And he loved that finally
someone was there to listen.

The absolute last thing I wanted
was to hurt anybody — especially
the triplets, who he just adores.

But one thing led to another, and
before we knew it, there was this
real mutual attraction, you know?

I guess I filled something
that was missing in his life.

Nice. That's good.

What more do you want?

Um... 'I loved him and
I thought he loved me'?

Yeah, yeah. Nice little
shot to the ribs.

I don't hold any grudges, and I wish
him all the best for the future.

Sweet.

Hey, the photographer wants to know
if I'll do one with my top off.

Pascalle, were you not
listening to me?

We're here trying to
reclaim your dignity.

OK. Sorry.

And you're happy
with the cover line?

For the extra money?
'Course.

'I'm not the slut everyone thinks.
Celebrity home-wrecker speaks out.'

Why didn't they use my cover line?

Which was...?

'I'm not the slut
everyone thinks I am.'

This is the proudest day of my life.

I'm getting heaps of calls from my
agent. She says that I'm officially
hot.

Yeah. Well, remember
my % of your heat.

Yeah, from the magazine money,
not from my modelling.

But the only reason you're hot is
because of the article I set up.

So?

Pascalle, none of the words in this
article actually came out of your
mouth.

Nobody reads the words, they
just look at the pictures.

And why should I pay you for
getting hired because I'm beautiful?

Because we agreed.

Yeah, well, now I'm un-agreeing,
because I don't need you any more.

Slut!

f*cking bitch.

So this cop pulls me over, right,
for no reason, and gives me all
these tickets.

She gave me one for my warrant, she
gave me one for my registration,

and apparently it's all your fault.

How's it my fault you don't have
a warrant or registration?

No, not that.

But she said to me, 'Tell your mum
I want my stuff.' What's the stuff,
Cheryl?

Well, there won't be any stuff
unless I can find Luther Wallace.

Why do you wanna find Luther?

Know where he is?

Well, why do you wanna find him?

I tried to find his mother, but
she's moved to bloody Australia.

Do you know where he is?

Luther's one of those guys, if he
doesn't wanna be found, he won't be.

Jesus. This is the same guy you went
to Chris Amon Primary with, right?

Mm-hm.
Well? Come on.

Ohh, well...

Munter might know a
guy who might know—

Start dialling.
OK.

(DIALS PHONE)

OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS

(GASPS)

(CALLS OUT)

Ssh.

What the f—?... (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Shut up.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

What the hell are you doing here?

Girl guide cookies. You?

Christ, Cheryl, for once
don't mess me around.

OK. My business partner's boyfriend
gave the money that your wife and
her girl-cop friends

gave us for those knickers, and
the money got to Luther Wallace,

so I'm here to get it back.

Oh, Jesus Christ.
Happy now?

What are you here for?

Saving your arse.

That's what it feels like?

Were you gonna just walk up
and ask for your money back?

Yeah.

Christ, do you wanna be
in the middle of a dr*gs bust?

What?
There's cops everywhere.

For little Luther Wallace?

Yes, for little Luther Wallace.

Maybe he sold weed to Murray and his
dickhead friends, but what is it, a
slow day?

Cheryl, he's the biggest
P cook in West Auckland.

But he went to university.

Yeah, and put his chemistry
degree to good use.

Well, f*ck me.

That wasn't an instruction,
by the way.

No.

Um...

is that your g*n...

in your pocket?

No, my g*n's in my holster on my—

my back.

I really didn't need to know that.

No, right.

g*nf*re

Shit.

Ah... sorry about the, uh,...
(WHISTLES). I couldn't help it.

No, no. That's all right. Just
try not to sh**t Luther. His
mum's lovely.

g*nf*re CONTINUES

Now, about that Luther, eh?

It's been a few years
since I've seen him.

Uh-huh.

I was just visiting.

I don't know anything about—

Come on, get a move on.

God, he was so much nicer when he
was at school with Van and Jethro.

You waiting for a thank-you from me?

From you? No, never.

Thank you for not letting me walk
into the middle of a drug bust

and putting the icing
on a really shitty day.

Jesus, you're a determined woman,
Cheryl, I'll give you that.

I hear your business is pretty racy.

What do you care, after today?
You're not gonna experience it.

Experience what?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

If I don't get that money
my business is screwed.

So no French-maid fantasy for you,

and I get your bitch wife breathing
down my neck for the rest of my
life.

Ex-wife.

We separated.

But you're right about
the 'bitch' part.

The French-maid fantasy thing was
for a D-Sarge in South Auckland that
she shacked up with, not for me.

What do you care, right? Your
business just went down the gurgler.

Yeah.

I'm sorry your wife stiffed you.

Thanks.

I'm sorry your
slutty-knickers thing tanked.

Thanks.

I need your help.

Already? That's a record.

So, I'm at home, right, and
there's this knock at the door.

Why are you telling me this?

Because it's all your f*cking fault.

I read what you said.

I had no idea you felt like that —
that I meant that much to you.

Shut up. It gets worse.

I've moved out of the house.

Actually, Sandy kicked me out,
but I've had the time to think.

And...

And what?

Tell me he didn't.

He did.

Come and live at the beach with me,
because I feel the same way you do,
Pascalle.

I love you.

What did you say?

I told him that I had my period
and I had to go to the bathroom.

Inventive.
Well, I had to think in a hurry. At
least it got him out of the house.

Think about it.

I'll be waiting for your call.

Well?

What?

What should I do?

Dump him. He's not right for you.

Just follow your heart, Pascalle.
It's the only way to true happiness.

Ha, ha (!)

It's not very f*cking
funny, Loretta.

[ DOOR CLOSES

(GRUNTS WITH FRUSTRATION)

(SIGHS)

PLASTIC CRINKLES

[ You right there, D-Serge?

You'll have to double-check this.

Everything, boss?

Don't call me boss.

Sorry.

Cash date doesn't match up. God
knows what else you got wrong.

Xena, you told me if I came in I
could pick up my cheque for the
mermaid job.

Well, there is one
other little thing.

What other little thing?

You might remember me as the
woman whose husband you f*cked.

I underestimated you
when I chose you.

Got it right in the tits, teeth and
hair department. He likes them with
hair like yours.

Chose me for what?

For the mermaid gig.

The one pretty thing in a room
full of guys — the bait.

Oh, Jesus. You didn't really think
you were the first girl he's taken
out to the beach house, did you?

You wanted me to f*ck him?

Hooray, there is a brain in there.

You're nicer in the magazines
than in real life.

Yes, I am, Pascalle,
and that's the point.

I'm meant to be the nice one
in the magazines, not you.

But thanks to your bloody interview,
I'm the one who doesn't understand
him.

It was meant to be a tacky sex-fest,
Pascalle, and you turned it into
something romantic.

Well, if it's any consolation,
it was a tacky sex-fest —

not even a very good one.

What?

You don't love him?

I didn't even say any of that stuff.

I just thought he might be able to
help me with my career, that's all.

What if I helped
you with your career?

How?

I could get you a job on television.

And why should I believe you
any more than I believed him?

Pascalle, I want to humiliate him
in the most public way possible.

But it will mean you taking
Grant back into your life.

You will earn your reward, trust me.

What kind of job in television?

That's my girl.

What is this? ]

(TURNS LOCK)

This is your money.

How did you end up with it?

I didn't. You ended up with it.

Yeah, but how?

You want it, or not?

'Course I want it.
I just wanna know how you—

Doesn't matter.

I did, let's just leave it at that.

This is where you say thank you.

Nah.

No, this is where I say, why?

Jesus, Cheryl.

It's a fair question.

Isn't this what cops are meant to
do — help honest, hard-working folk?

By giving them envelopes of money?

It's your money;
I'm just returning it.

Thank you.

It's my pleasure.

Did you just call me honest?

(CHUCKLES)

See you later, Cheryl.

Hey, um, can you make the slutty
knickers that Monica ordered a size
smaller,

so she thinks she's getting fat?

Sorry. Against company ethics.

Oh, you've got ethics? Bloody hell.