02x10 - The Indifferent Children of the Earth

[bunniefuu]

You are a bitch and a liar. You're
happy that Dad's most likely dead so
you can root that cop.

Go to class, keep your head
down, and keep me informed.

Cash on Fridays and
a new mattress for my bed.

As long as you keep getting
the grades — my grades.

I watched you try and turn things
around for your family, but you
couldn't.

You had an anchor around your
neck, and his name was Wolf.

I freed you, and
that's enough for me.

If you want to say your speech,
do it before they all get hammered.

Yeah, OK.
Hello? Excuse me!

Hey, everyone, get the f*ck out
here or I'll hide all the piss!

Coming. If we have to.

Great.
Right, um, OK, everyone,
I'd just like to thank you all

for coming here to help us
celebrate the opening of Unit ,
Riesling Court,

the new home of Hoochie Mama.

ALL: Whoo-hoo! Yay!

This is a really exciting...

ENGINE REVS

Big engine, small d*ck.

Ew, have you been looking
at our brother's penis?

Sorry I'm late.

Yeah, this is, um, this is a
really exciting time for all us.

It's like we've actually
graduated into becoming a real,
actual business now.

[ It's been lots of long
hours for all of us,

but, um, special mention here
to the sales team — Tracy and
Kasey —

because of them, Hoochie Mama's been
busting out all over the top half of
the North Island.

The Waikato's gone wild for our
'Roxanne, Put On That Red Light'
range.

So zero taste in the Waikato.

The housewives in Howick have
been going nuts over our 'Madame
Butterfly, f*ck Me, f*ck Me' sets.

And to keep up with all the extra
demand, we've got three new Hoochie
Mamas: Soon Yi, Mei Li and Shirley.

IMITATES CHINESE: Herro!
Pleased to meet you.

(LAUGHS) Asians.

Great. Well, me and the Hoochie
girls, we just want to...

Um, me and the Hoochie girls,
we just want to say thank you

for all your support and for
helping us get where we are today.

Cheers.

[ Um, OK, Tracy, cut the ribbon.

Who asked him?

To Hoochie Mama!

Hey, hey, Hoochie Mama!

ALL: Whoo-hoo! Hoochie Mama.

His one is much bigger than yours.

Ah, bite me.

I hate this.

Why? Cos no one's looking at you?

Thank you.
Pleasure.

Food, anyone?
Who said you could turn up?

It's not your party, old man.

You can put your d*ck
in her slutty pants,

but it won't change what we think
of you. You're a swine. A porker.

That's enough, Ted.

I'll top you up.
Yeah.

Jesus, old man!
Ted!

That's what we think of porkers.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Expressing your opinion? You don't
express your opinion by pissing on
someone!

What happened here?

Oh, we had a bit of a party.

[ I haven't cleaned yet.

As if she cares. Too
busy sucking pork sausage—
Enough!

No food in the house.
Not even a bog roll.

We were gonna shop.

Yeah, but we had money problems.

The kind where there is no money.

If he could see the place now.

Who?
You know.

Let's get one thing straight.
Wolf is not some saint in heaven.
He's a crim who did a runner.

And who drove him to it?
He drove himself.

Slut! Hussy! Dirty stop-out!

What?

Nothing.

Maybe I should go check on Grandpa.

Grandpa can rot in his caravan,
until teatime, at least.

Are you cooking?
Yeah, I have been known
to in the last years.

Not lately.

I've been busy... with work.

Is that what you call it?

Well, at least Loretta's
been doing really well.

I have?
Second in the freestyle
is a great achievement.

Freestyle what?

Swimming sports.

It was in the school newsletter.
It's there with the mail.

Hm, IRD.

Shit, who gave them our address?

I did.
Why?

I've got a proper business now.
Time to do things properly.

Oh, the bloody bastards —
they're auditing Hoochie Mama.
Is that bad?

They go through all your financial
records, and if anything's missing,
they give you a massive fine.

I'd better call Tracy.

PHONE RINGS

Cheryl West.

Yes, I do know Pascalle West.
Why? What's she done?

I was not shoplifting.
It was an accident!

So some lipstick, mascaras and
nail polish just fell into your
boots?

My boots are wide at the top. I
must have bumped into some shelving.

Bullshit.
It's true.

It's crap.
You only care about your
underwear and your boyfriend.

We have no food. That's why my boots
are so big because my legs are so
thin.

Oh, spare me.
It's true!

I am an innocent victim of narrow
shelving and malnutrition.

Would you get in the car?

Oh!

What's this?

The school newsletter, so you can
pretend to know what's going on at
school.

And which my mother reads every
week, except, luckily, this week.

My mum was too pissed to care.

Do you recall the rules we
made when we started this?

Get good grades, don't stuff up.

And don't get noticed. What's this?

This is about me coming
second in the freestyle.

OK, I would have won,
but I felt sorry for Ashley.

Ashley?

Ashley Touvalou.
She's my best friend.

You have a friend?

I can't just ignore people
when they talk to me.

I've done it for years.

Ashley's cool. She plays bass.
We're gonna start a band.

Oh no, you're not!

Why? Because you're not musical?

Because that is another
way to get noticed!

From now on, there will be no sport
and no friends, or I'll dock your
pay.

Bitch.
That's employer bitch to you. I give
you a home, a roof over your head.

I sleep in the porn section,
on a manky mattress.

For free! You get to live for free!

You exploit me!

I go to school all day,
run the store, do my assignments,
and get up at for swim training!

Well, you don't have to train any
more, because you're not swimming.

Why not?

Family reasons.

If there's any more sport,
there will be no more money.
Are we perfectly clear on that?

(SCREAMS)

Awesome roast, Mrs West.

Hm. She's a goddess, all right.

Goddess of sluts.

I thought you were malnourished.

I'm too worried about my
court appearance to eat.

Don't worry, your
brother will deal to it.

Where are you going?
Out.

What, again?
Yep.

Have ice cream if you want pudding.

My life is in ruins and
she's offering me ice cream?

It's hokey-pokey.

She just wants me to be fat!
Pig fat.

She'll realise her mistake before
too long, Pascalle, don't you worry.

Don't!

You're meant to be celebrating.

What? Pascalle getting arrested
or me having the IRD on my tail?

Never rains, but it pisses down.

I so owe you for the dry-cleaning.

The old man's pretty out there.

Ted wasn't expecting to see you.

Neither were you.

No. But I'm glad you turned up.

Lying.
Mm-hm. It was really kind.

I can't stay.

(SIGHS) Why not?

Because of everything, you know.

God, you look beautiful.

I'm wearing Madam Butterfly.

Which is driving them
crazy in Howick. ]

Feminine, but slutty —
peels off in layers.

Really?

Go on, then, show me.

Wolf?

OMINOUS MUSIC

Eric!

Cheryl, what are you doing here?

Eric, this is my f*cking bed!

Yeah, well, you haven't
exactly been using it lately.

Get the f*ck out!

There's no need to be
aggressive about it.

How long have you been
sleeping in my bed?

A couple of days.

I got kicked out of my digs—

Eric, find somewhere else.
You cannot sleep here.

Is that the Madam Butterfly?

Morning, girls.

ALL: Hello. Morning.

Shit, am I shabby. Coffee?

Yeah. Did you get my
message about the IRD?

Ow, can you not speak so loud?

Yeah, well we need to go over your
business expenses from the Waikato,
especially the entertainment ones.

All straight up and above board.

You won't say that when they apply
electrodes to your tender bits.

They can do that?

We have a courier truck
here for Hamilton.

All my great work.

Where are the boxes?
By the door.

Really?

I packed them. They were here last
night. I know because I tripped up
over them on my way out.

Well, they ain't here now.

Who locked up last night?

Me. I think.

Oh God, I was just so pissed.

We've been robbed. Brilliant (!)

I was about to leave... Oh, and then
I needed a tammie, cos I was, like,
flooding,

so I went back to the loo—
God, is this gonna take all day?

You have periods,
you could be sympathetic.

I never ever flood.

Well, aren't you the queen
of tidy menstruation (?)

Can we get on with this, please?

So I got all that sorted... Oh, and
then I tripped up over the boxes, so
I got up, and I went to the door..

And forgot to lock it.

Oh, shit. Cheryl, I'd finished
the magnum. You know, it just seemed
rude not to.

There were thousands of dollars'
worth of stuff in those boxes!

You think I don't know that?

You think I wanted to waste
weeks of my life in the Waikato?

We better call the cops.

Do we have to?

Yeah, we have to. Insurance.

Someone insured us? Unreal.

When that's not locked, it goes up
and down, like a lift at the Sky
Tower.

Yeah, yeah, not helping, Wayne.

Where were your
employees last night?

The Hong Kong girls
were at Bible class.
Right.

Well, they wouldn't nick the
stuff. Neither would Kasey.

I've got heaps already.

Who else was here last night?

Just friends and family.

The usual suspects.

What are you thinking?

Cheryl, how many of your friends
and family have criminal records or
an eye to the main chance?

You think it was someone I know?

Nah, bollocks. They wouldn't do
that to me. Not my own family. Nah.

Hey, there, Mrs West. Home already?

Yep, looks that way.

Go on.

OK, does anyone know the whereabouts
of eight boxes of lingerie which
were stolen last night?

PHONE RINGS
Why are you asking us for?

Sleep with a pig, think like a pig.

Not me. They're for fat people.

Yeah, well somebody did.

Cheryl West.

Yep.

Yeah.

Is she?

Really?

That's amazing. I had
no idea about that.

Really? OK, I'll ask her about
that and I'll get back to you.

Sure, bye.

That was Mr Gray,
your swimming coach.

Yeah.
What?

He's concerned that you've given up
your training for 'family reasons'.

Well, things are just a bit stressy
at the moment; you know, with Dad
and everything.

I didn't even know you could swim.
You took me to lessons.

You sat on the side of the pool
and screamed until I took you home.

Well, I'm making up
for lost time, I guess.

Mr Gray says you're one of the most
naturally gifted swimmers he's seen
in many a long year.

Really? Oh, that's so nice of him.

Can we get on with this, please?

Sure. This way.

Um, what do you think you're doing?

BOTTLES CLANK

If I ever need a drink,
I know where to come.

I did not steal
your stupid knickers.

Oh, I know. I just
gotta check, anyway.

Why? Don't you trust me?

We're done here.

What are you going in there for?
Hardly any of them fit me.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh my God.
What have you got?

Undies. ]
Our undies?

No, no, Van's undies.
All folded and clean.

Oh my God, it's like origami.

Thanks. I sort of have
a talent for folding.

We've seen enough here.

You can't come in here,
it's an invasion of my privacy.

I'm your mother. Out of the way.

I wouldn't steal your ugly knickers
if they were the last thing on
earth!

They're not in there, I'm telling
you. Are you gonna pick that up?

Where did you get all this?
Shops.

What? They just fell
into your boots, did they?

Busted.

So busted.

No, I took them. Is that
what you want to hear?

Why?

Well, why not, more like.

My heart is broken, my career
is in tatters. I've got no money,
no future.

And stealing lip gloss solves it?

Shut up! This has
nothing to do with you.

You don't know anything
about my life.

Hey, hey, come on...

I am really really depressed.
Dad's gone, you're never here.

I feel like an orphan that nobody
loves, and I've got nothing to live
for.

Oh, sweetheart.

Why did the swim coach call Mum?

I tried to stop him,
but he was upset I quit.

He thinks I'm the most naturally
gifted swimmer he's seen for—

I heard.
You are f*cking with me.
I won't have that.

You're not the one who has
to swim, you know that?

Yes, I know that,

but I'll have to get up at every
day so that Mum will think I swim.

Suffer in your Speedos. It's about
time this thing cut both ways.

Yes, I'm calling about Loretta West.
I'm her mother, and we just got the
test results back from the doctor..

Oh no, no, no, she's fine. It's
just that they do confirm that it
is cryptosporidium,

so, unfortunately, her going
into the pool would be a risk
to the other students.

Yes, she is very
disappointed about that.

OK, great. Thank you.

Are we claiming depreciation
on the sewing machines?

If they depreciated any quicker,
we'd be sewing by hand.

I've really gotta go.

Cheryl, we have to get our shit
together before the IRD gets here.

I know. There's somewhere I've
gotta be, then I've got to go home.

Why?
Why do I have to go home?

Can't they look after themselves?

You saw the state Pascalle was in.

You believe that shit?

She's had a rough time lately.

So have you, and you're OK.

It's not just her, though.
Ted's being a pain.

Eric's more of a mess than usual.

And Aurora's trying, but...

Excuse me? But how many of these
people are actually related to you?

They're a package deal.

Meaning you let them infest your
house and pay for their lives?
No!

You feed and house them, therefore
you're paying for their lives.

Well, someone's got to.

What has this got to
do with you anyway?

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

If I tried this out on you, 'Cheryl,
please look after me, I'm useless,'

you'd kick my butt from here to
Chinese New Year, and I'd bloody
well deserve it.

These people are ticks
bleeding you dry.

And then, when things don't turn
out, they blame you for it, and you
let them. Worse, you defend them.

They are my family,... mostly.

But if they don't stand on their own
two feet, you'll never have a life.

Ticks have more than two feet.

You know I'm right.

Yeah, yeah, but I've
still got to go.

I thought you were
coming over for dinner.

I'm sorry. I had IRD, and all that.

You could have called.
I know, I'm sorry.

I can't stay.

You always say that.

I know, but this time,
I really can't stay.

Then why did you come over?

Because I said I would.
And I really wanted to see you.

There's a simple solution here.

What?

I could come to your place.

Bad idea. Good idea is
that you kiss me again.

Well, if we're on a time limit...

Oh, f*ck, Cheryl.

Which part of 'don't sleep in
my bed' did you not understand?

I'm sort of between
places at the moment.

Sleep downstairs.

It's cold down there.

You think I give a flying f*ck?!

Don't be like that.

Do you think I should just take
this? Get up! Get up right now!

Hey, hey, Mum.
Just keep it down, man.

I'm not gonna keep it down! Now
you're up, stay up! And get your
sisters.

What? Now?

(GRUNTS) What? Is there a fire?

Under your arse,
if you don't get up!

What time is it?
Time we started this. Sit down.

Have you completely lost it?

No, no, I've found it.

There are gonna be some
changes as of tomorrow.

Not this bloody thing again.

Let's start with you first.
I want you to start paying board.

I already give you bucks
every... time I can.

From tomorrow I'll start
a direct credit from your bank.

I haven't got a bank account.

Open one tomorrow! ]
It's not that hard, hon.

Aurora, I appreciate your
cooking and your cleaning,

and that's good in place of board.
But if you want to stay here, get
a job.

Munter, you are welcome
to crash here, sometimes,

but if you have every single meal
here, how about some bloody koha?

Yeah, sweet.
Same for you, Eric. ]

I'm not a bloody Maori.

And if I catch you in my bed again,
I will k*ll you in your f*cking
sleep. Do you understand me?

And, Ted, no more crap from you,
because I've had it up to here.

It's my bloody house!

And I pay the bills, so
pull your f*cking head in!

All right, you. You concentrate on
your schoolwork and your swimming.

And, you, I will deal with tomorrow.

All right. Now, I want
my knickers back.

I don't care who took them,
or why, but somebody in this room ]

stole my knickers,
and I want them back.

So I want this person to own up,
apologise and return the
merchandise.

Or what? Your boyfriend
will arrest us?

If that doesn't happen
within hours,

all of you can sling your hook, you
can depart, you can get out of this
house and not come back!

Pascalle. Bed. You don't want to be
late for the lawyer in the morning.

I'm not a dog!
Dogs are more obedient.

What's got into her?

Four inches of Captain Cooker.

She just wants her knickers back.

Well, we haven't got them.

It was Pascalle, obviously.

Where's the evidence?

She's a kleptomaniac,
and she's not here.

OK. Let's blame her.

But she hates fat lady undies.

The person has a motive. It's
someone who either loves knickers,
or hates Cheryl,

or thought she wouldn't miss
a few boxes now she's got all rich.

You seem to know a lot about it.

It's like CSI. You work through
the suspects, and it's usually some
chick you forgot about.

Well, I'm not giving
in to her blackmail.

OK. Look, we gotta sort this out
or she's gonna chuck us out.

No, she won't. ]

She said she would.

She's our mum. Her life
has no meaning without us.
True.

We just buy her flowers, pretend
we're sorry, and things will go back
to normal.

Excellent idea.

Great. Night.

So, how are we?
Don't ask.

Sit.
I'm not a dog.

OK. So we enter with
a plea of not guilty—

No, she's pleading guilty.
What?

Mum, this isn't exactly
her first offence.

Yeah, do you want me to hang?

Too bad. She did it,
she's pleading guilty.

I tell her what to plead.

If she doesn't like it, she can take
her butt and move out of my house.

This is not ethical.
Neither is stealing, or slobbing
around like a beached white whale.

Oh, so you're calling me fat now?

I'll do whatever it takes. Tracy
was right. She's absolutely right.

Tracy?
What's she got to do with it?

Well, in her tactless Chinese way,
she was bang on the money.

So, you will plead guilty.
You will be punished.

There will be no flimflam from you.
And you will take it without
a whimper.

I should be at school.
Cryptosporidium?

An infectious
waterborne tummy thing.

I know what it is. They
won't let me in the pool.

Oh, I'm sorry to shatter
your Olympic dreams.

Do you get off on being a bitch?

No, I'm not emotional
about it at all, actually.

Did you forget your homework?

The crypto thing came back, so I had
to come home, if you can call this
place a home.

It's just a shame it had to strike
during my film and TV class.

The thing with having a bug like
this, is that it can come back any
time, even during exams.

I won't pay you.
You won't get into film school.

I'll kick you out on to the street.

And I'll tell your mother what
you've been doing all these school
days. Think about it.

And don't get emotional.

(EXHALES)
These are all legitimate
business expenses!

A male escort in Hamilton?

Cheryl, I get lonely
on the road, and horny.

God, it's an occupational hazard!

READS: Show Ponies — all male revue.

Hello? I design slutty lingerie.
I need inspiration from somewhere.

The IRD will laugh, and then they
are going to come down on us like
a ton of bricks!

This is all her fault.

No. Ever since she came in,
she's been gunning for me.

We used to have a real good time;
you, and me, and Rochelle.

And then she got rid of Rochelle.

Rochelle's on maternity leave.

It's all receipts now — receipts
and car logs and staying in skanky
motels.

Do you want us to
go out of business?

You've gone mean, Cheryl.
Real mean, after all I done.

Shit.

Don't.

She did help start the company.

But it was a two-bit operation that
wouldn't have lasted three minutes
without you.

Don't be taken advantage of. You're
here to run a business. Hold the
line or they're gonna break you.

Kia ora, Mrs West.
Munter.

I got that koha.
Boiling it up right now.

A nice pig's head.

Right.
You idiot!

What?
Pig's head. Like,
something bad about cops.

Oh, shit, shit.

Mrs West, I didn't mean nothing by
it, Mrs... It's a nice juicy one.

And I got you these. Remember
those good times? Rum and Coke.

And I got a bank account today.

Yeah, he did. I can testify to that.

And the flowers, do you like them?

Yeah, yeah, they're nice. Thank you.
Choice.

OK, and what about
the missing items?

[ They haven't turned up.

It was just a few knickers.
What's it matter?

It matters to me, Eric.

You're still gonna chuck us out?

I told you she'd turn into a n*zi!
A Chinese n*zi, like Tracy.

You said she'd roll over.

I didn't exactly say that.

You did.

You know, if Dad was here,
you wouldn't be doing this.

Well, he's not here, right.

All you care about is
your knickers and the IRD.

Some things have to change here.

You're the one who's
changed, not us.

It's like you hate us, all of us.
Go for it, tiger.

You know what? I don't hate you,
Pascalle, it's just... Bugger it.

Shit. Good one, Pascalle (!)

Hypothetically, what do you do when
someone just won't do what you say

and always just turns
things against you,

and then just when you think you've
screwed them, they always have
another move.

Is this about Mum?

No, Mum's just gone mental.
This is someone else.

What? Has someone
else got one over you?

No.

(LAUGHS) Can I get their autograph?

Look, can you just act like a proper
big brother and give me actual
advice?

All right.

You either hit them
where it hurts,...

Yeah, tried that.

...or you have the sense
to know when you're beaten.

How's that work?

Concede, compromise.

Negotiate.

You mean do what
someone else wants?

I know, disgusting as it sounds...

Oh, look, Little Miss Popular.

Rich coming from you.

Did you realise my entire
family now hates you?

Yeah, not scaring me that much.

Whatever. Hey, thanks
for the great advice (!)

Oh, you're welcome.
Hm, bye.

Let's get a nice dinner, and
then maybe turn on that red light.

Roxanne — crap song,
but great G-string.

Hey, what did you say to
my mother about Pascalle?

I might have suggested
she needs a wake-up call.

Don't interfere with my work.

She's a thief, she got caught.

So, what? We should
chop her hand off?

Wrong continent, kiddo.

But you don't like my mother.

I'm starting to get her, then she
does this 'lay down for the kids'
routine.

That's what mothers do.

Well, it's wrong and pathetic.

It's none of your business.

How can she concentrate on business
and the IRD when she's looking after
you lot?

So this is entirely selfish.

You're lucky to have a mother.
Not everyone does.

Look, what about Roxanne
and the Red Light?

I have to deal with the IRD
and a selfish boyfriend.

I'm not in the mood to
pretend to be a prost*tute.

Someone stole that stuff just to
get at me, and I can't afford it.

God, none of them give a shit.

Then leave them.
What?

Move in with me, then you don't have
to deal with this shit ever again.

I can't do that.

f*ck, Cheryl, what have
they got over you?

I know I've done a shitty job,
but they're my family, right?

Why is this all about you?

It's not. ]

I feel like some dirty secret
that you keep in a drawer.

You're not that.

We never go to your place. You
didn't want me at the opening.

You don't want me to be
around people you know.

That's cos they all hate you.

You think I care about that?

You really want to come to my house?

I would like to sleep
at your place, with you.

So you've got one over him, right?
[ Who?

Wolf, of course. This is what
this all comes back to, isn't it?
Does it?

Yeah, that's what they're all
f*cked off with me for; for messing
up their world, making him leave.

I don't know what to say, Cheryl.
I only know how I feel.

Pissed off with me.

No, no, it's not all bad. Most of
the time it's pretty bloody good,

but if you love me, then why
am I always on the outside?

I've got the IRD tomorrow.

What? So I'm never ever going
to see you again, never ever.

f*ck off.

I'm serious about that
sleeping-in-your-bed stuff.

I know you are.

If it's too hard, then I don't want
to be some shithead hanging around
wasting his life.

Oh, you're not.

I can't get by on promises,
Cheryl. I need the proof.

We could get a place together.

What could be better than here, man?

Yeah, like when your mum threw away
that couch, and we burnt it, and she
called the fire brigade.

BOTH LAUGH

Hey, babe.

Hey, hey, check out those folds.

They sure are crispy folds.

Thanks. I found these when
I was ironing. It's a Roxanne.

[ Did ya lose them?
They're not mine.

It's like a clue. Where was it?

In a pocket. I had to soak the
trousers, cos they were disgusting,

like, heaps of ingrained
stains in them. ]

Grandpa!
No, these were very
different stains.

Of course.

Of course what?

Eric?

He's not here.

He's just left the scene.

Don't... Don't touch the evidence,
cos later we'll find traces of
lipstick or freaky poison,

and from that we'll
reconstruct the whole crime.

You know you're not in CSI, eh?

There are no knickers down here.
I cleaned in here yesterday.

Then he's stashed them somewhere...
In his car!

Nope. I made him take me to the
supermarket. There was lots of shit,
but no knickers.

The shop. That's where he'd stash
them... if he nicked them to sell
them. The shop.

Let's bust his knicker-nicking arse.

Yee!

He could turn nasty.

On CSI they sometimes do,
when confronted.

I could break Eric
in half over my knee.

All the same, you should
probably just stay here, babe,

as a lookout.

Call us if he turns up, OK?

Oh, OK.

Not that key, the other one.

CRASH!
Shit!

Van, turn the lights on, bro.

Yep.

(LAUGHS) Oh, man, that is so freaky.

I hate to say this, man,
but she looks kind of familiar.

I ain't seen her.

She lives with you.

No, man, she lives here.

The hair, the gear. She's
even got a rum and Coke...

No way!

Here's the rest of
the undies. What if he...

...wore them?

I can think of worse things.
Ew!

Oh, you're not used to crime scenes
like I am, bro. You never watch CSI.

Come on. ]
What are we doing?

Confronting a f*cking offender
is what we're doing.

Great choice. Have a good night.

Cheers.

We're closed.

It's not even .

We need to talk.
About what?

About the vengeance I could wreak
upon your life, the viral text
campaign leaving you friendless.

Funny, I've been having
similar thoughts.

Really?
How I can get you expelled
with maximum humiliation,

the things I could do
with a crucifix in assembly...

You are such a cow.

We're evenly matched. It's not
getting us anywhere, is it?

No.

OK, here's what we do.

What?

We're going to draw up
a contract, like lawyers.

What kind of a contract?

You get to swim, as long as
you never finish in the top three
and make the school newsletter.

What's in that for me?

You get to keep your friends.

Can I play in a band with them?

As long as you only ever
practise in someone's garage.

OK, start writing.

I want a new mattress and a raise.

Don't push it.

Hey, leave it to me. I've watched
these shows, I know how it works.

Gidday, Eric.
Hey, Munter.

Are you familiar with these?

No.

You gave yourself away, Eric.

We found them on the scene, and the
forensic evidence links them to you.

What the f*ck are you on about?

You freak!
Oi!

OK, that also works.

Come on, who is she?

No one. Someone sold
her to me cheaply.

She's not no one, Eric.
She's a mother. His mother.

It's not how it looks.
I just talk to her.
You sicko!

No, I don't do anything sick to her.
She's company, that's all.

This is the closest I'll ever get
to Cheryl, and that's enough for me.

Stop. How could you do this to her?

I'll let the air out
and put her back in the box.

Not that, this! Stealing Mum's
stuff! Getting us chucked out of
home!

Oh yeah, that. I'm on the bones of
my arse, and I saw the boxes there,

and I was a bit pissed.
I'll do anything to make it right,
but please don't tell her.

Just let me sort it
out my own way. Please?

No argument, nothing in mitigation.
I looked like a prick.

hours of community
service for some mascara!

You can have sex with an underage
and only get . I'll be spending
weeks picking up rubbish.

And she didn't even show, the cow!
Obviously the IRD's more important
than us.

Priorities, eh?

OK. We can do this.

We will. Because we know that
whatever the IRD throw at us,
we've seen worse.

Hey, hey, hey. Look what I
found? The rest's in my car.

Where were they?

This joker at the pub was trying to
shift them. I gave him bloody what
for.

So you couldn't get rid of them.

No! God's honour! I wouldn't rip
off the fruits of your labours.

Eric, how could you?

Cheryl, no. I'm a friend,
friend of the family.

Eric, I nearly kicked my
family out because of you.

Cheryl, I'm sorry. I don't know
what came over me. I'd do anything
to make it right.

Get him out of your life, Cheryl.
You keep out of this! It's all
your fault, you evil Chinese witch!

Lowlife scum!

Don't... Do not feel sorry for him.

Just go, Eric. I'll
deal with you later.

Hey, come here. Look.

What is it, babe?
OK, it's called
online banking, right.

And, um, see that there?
Yeah.

That's our account, right.

I've got money in it.

You made that money.

Yeah.

And next week there's
gonna be even more money.

Yeah.

Hey, um, I've been thinking.

Yeah?

Maybe, it wouldn't be so
bad to move out... one day.

Not so bad at all.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Shit! I gotta go. I don't want
to be late on my first day.

OK. You'll be awesome,
Aurora, cos you are awesome.

I know.

I love you.

I love you the most.

Well, I love you the more mostest.

To us.
To us.

I've never seen an
IRD audit go so fast.

I tell you, I have hidden
expenses you've only dreamed of.

Nah, it's cos you brought
your girls out to play.

Well, if you've got
assets, why hide 'em?

They scared him rotten. (CHUCKLES)

Mmmm.

So, are you feeling guilty yet?

What for?

Well, you didn't invite Kasey.

She'll always have Hamilton.

How's about that policeman?

How's about him?

He's kinda cute.

Yeah, he is.

How was your day?
Fourth in the breaststroke.
It's hard work swimming slowly.

The new mattress arrives tomorrow.
It really is new?

Yeah, as agreed it will
still be in its plastic.

Sorry.

This is Aurora, she'll be taking
over from you on your nights off.

Hi.
BOTH: Try not to
be late in future.

Oh, spooky. You're like
some sort of weird twins.

Maybe.

They didn't suspend you, fine you,
arrest you, or put you on a rack?

They were putty in my hands.

Dressed like that,
I'm not surprised.

I have another surprise.
Oh, really?

Turn around.

You might have to bend down a bit.

Shit, is this gonna hurt?
Not much.

Kinky stuff.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Thanks.

Well, we've both had a shitty day.

And here we are. And you're the
only person who understands me.

Two-minute Bloody Noodles.

I never eat them.

No. Tracy Hong. What a bitch.

She's a bossy tart. She tells
Mum what to do, Jethro what to do.
I wish she'd get deported.

Well, we could call Immigration.

Except I think she was born here.

That old trick.

I wish she'd get kidnapped. That's
what the Asians do to each other.

They've got too much money.

I wish I had some.

I gotta say, it's nice to spend
some time with ya, Pascalle.

Are you like, say, a strawberry
blonde or a platinum blonde?

Honey. Why?

I've got this friend, she's
thinking of buying a wig.

What? Cancer, or something?

Nah, she just likes to try
new colours and lengths.

Whatever.

BOTH CHUCKLE

OK. You can take it off now.

This is your place.
Oh, how did you know?

Cheryl, I have raided this
place so many times...
True.

And when you get in, there's
this smell of roasts and beer,

and there's you.

There's a bed over there.

It's a bed.

My bed. And you can sleep on it.
You can do a lot more in it,
if you like.

Oh, I like, I like.

Mind you, you'll have to piss off
before everyone else wakes up.

What?
Mm. You've had your wish.
Don't push your luck.

Always pushing my luck, Cheryl.

It's nice that you keep trying.

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES