02x13 - An Old Man Is Twice a Child

[bunniefuu]

Jesus, Ted, what are you doing?

Making a sandwich.
You seen the bread?

You've got hours of
community service to do.

But I hate old people.

I thought I was gonna
hate it, but it's great.

If you want to f*ck
me, then f*ck me.

Yeah, that could work.

If one pulled the shit you're
pulling — moving him in here —

you'd go off your f*ckin' nut at us,
and we'd deserve it and you know it!

Who died and appointed you Wolf?

WHISPERS: You little beauty.

OK, if that's how
you want to play it.

Gotcha.

DING!
Bloody Jap crap, all arse about.

What the f*ck?

Shit. Grandpa.
Shh, Rita. They'll hear you.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

I got it! I got it!

(GIGGLES)

I keep mine in the car.

Yeah, Aurora keeps
hers under the bed, man.

So what are you playing at?

What the hell's going on with you?

Maybe I felt like some
pork, pig, crispy bacon.

Jesus, Ted, don't start.

I'll put it back in the car.

Oink, oink.

We could've all been fried in our
beds because of you. If Loretta
hadn't come in when she...

Why did you come in when you did?

Do you have to go?

School night.

All right. You talked me into it.

Film Studies project. I have to take
time-lapse footage of the stars. I
was in the yard

checking to see if
there's clarity up there

or if I have to go somewhere else,
um, where there's less spillage.

Boring.

OK, well, can you not go
so late on a school night?

OK.
All right, everyone.
Back to bed. Not you.

I want to go.
I haven't finished with you.

Be gentle, Mum. Old people have
delicate psyches, and emotionally,
they bruise easily.

I won't t*rture him. I just want
to know what the hell is going on.

Your rooting a pig
is what's going on.

No. I mean with you. ]

You've been doing some weird things
around here recently, Ted. You do
know that, don't you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

I didn't say that. I just...

God.

I told you I had to go.

I'll deal with this. Come on, Mr
West. Let's get you cleaned up and
back to bed, eh?

I'm your grandfather.
Why'd you call me Mr West?

Oh, sorry. Training.

Hey, can you get that outside
before it stinks the place up?

I'm not gonna touch it.

Come on, hon. I'll help.

Why don't you get your
boyfriend to do it?

MUFFLED: Oh, f*ckin' hell.

Maybe... Maybe I should lock
him in his caravan at night.

Except if he set fire to it and
burned to death cos he couldn't
get out, I'd never forgive myself.

Look on the bright side. At least
he's pissing over the chair and not
me.

Oh, I'm gonna have to clean
it all up in the morning.

Isn't that why we got Aurora?

Look, Cheryl, it's
time to face facts.

The old bugger needs extra care.

I try, but I'm flat out.

I know. I didn't mean you.

There are places where people like
Pascalle can deal with people like
him.

What, an old folks' home?

He is old.

Nah. Can't.

I know. It's a hard call.
It's not like he's your dad.

What, cos he's Wolf's dad
it's all right to lock him away?

He's used to it.

Sorry.

Just sticking it out on
the porch — like his chair.

Go back to sleep.

Pascalle, are there people
like Grandpa where you work?

Mm-hm. Fat ones,
skinny ones. All sorts.

Barking mental ones? ]

So do you think someone like
Grandpa could be happy there?

Whoa, Mum. No way. Not Grandpa.

Loretta, she said
someone like Grandpa.

Mum won't lock him
in one of those holes.

We can't put Grandpa
in the Janet Frame.

Like Grandpa, Pascalle.

Cheryl means Grandpa, Van.

What?

Uh, no way.

You said how nice it is there.

Yeah, but not for Grandpa.
He's like a free-range old person.

Wests do not go to old folks' homes.

Why not?

Wests spend enough time behind bars.
It is their right to live out their
final years with family.

Right on.
Yeah, but we can't go on pretending
that there's nothing wrong with him.

You know I'm right.
Each and every one of you.

Grandpa!

(GASPS) Grandpa.

Slutty-pants is gone
and bought Chink tea.

Oh, Grandpa. Noooo!

No way. Grandpa's
choice to have around.

He's just winding us up cos he's
bored. That's all. I need to go to
school. I can't be late.

Grandpa wouldn't get into
Janet Frame. It's full up.

Sweet. So that's
sorted, then, right?

Good.

Reach up.

And stretch down.

Touch toes.

And roll up.

OK, now hands out to the side.

And do some circles.

Cool.

LOUD ROCK MUSIC BLARES

Now let's burn it.

Step. Step into it,
Mr Johnson. You're hot.

You're not too bad yourself.

That's it, Mrs McGill. Tummy in.
Keep your bum in. That's right.

Mr Johnson?

f*ck.

MUSIC STOPS

I told him his disco days are gone.

OK, ladies, stand back.

Mr Johnson?

How long has he been unconscious?

He just fell. We were about
to do upper-body strength.

Excuse me.

Miss.

Breathe please.

Thanks.

Into Mr Johnson.

Oh, right.

On the count of five.
Mm-hm.

One, two, three—

Shouldn't we wait for a doctor?

I am a doctor.

Wow. Aren't we lucky, Mr Johnson?

Poor Mr Johnson.

One minute he was so full
of life, and the next,... not.

He always noticed if I was wearing
my hair differently or if I'd had
my highlights done.

(CHUCKLES) He said if he had
breasts, that he'd want them
to be just like mine.

Are you a nurse here?

Physical therapist?

No, I'm kind of here in
a volunteer capacity.

Poor Mr Johnson.

At least his last
moments were full of life...

until they weren't.

CELLPHONE RINGS

You should probably get that.

WHISPERS: What?!

The last time we talked, you
mentioned something about making
me come using just your eyelashes.

God, you're insatiable.

I'm making up for lost time.

You're .
I'm a West.

No, no, no, leave the uniform on.

Hayden, we've done the
schoolgirl fantasy.

We could do it again.

It's getting a bit old.

I like it.

But it's your fantasy.

The first time we did it, it wasn't.

OK, but every
time after that, it was.

I wanna do one of mine.

Are you chicken?

No.

Just don't involve my hair, OK?

My hair is my temple.

OK. It doesn't involve
the hair — for now.

Then bring it on.

As long as you promise
to answer a question.

What question?
Later. Fantasy first.

OK. But we need to change the
location and I'll need some
equipment,

and you're buying the clothes.

Why me? I was in the middle
of dealing with a tragedy.

He won't listen to us.

And you're always crapping on about
how you can deal with old people.

Grandpa, open the f*ckin' door.

[ What the hell's he doing in there?

How the f*ck should I know?
I haven't got X-ray vision.

Cheryl, I'm so sorry. I just
nipped out the back to hang
out the washing

and that's when he must have taken
his chair in and locked me out.

The sliding door's bolted inside.

And, uh, plus he's
drawn the curtains.

Yeah, I see that.

We tried that.

KNOCK ON DOOR
Ted. Ted! Open the f*cking door!

We tried that too.
What's he doing in there?

What do we have? X-ray vision?

That's my line.

Can we break in?

Oh, so it's OK to do that
shit again now, is it?

Oh, don't be a d*ck.

I've tried every way in.
The house is impregnatable.

OK, um,...

break it down.
You sure?

Yeah, yeah, before he burns
the whole place down.

Cool.

Oh, you guys— You
better step back, ladies.

LAUGHTER ]

Are you all right, hon? ]

No, I'm not all right. ]
Try again. ]

You try again. That f*cking hurt. ]

(SIGHS)

KNOCK ON DOOR
Come in.

Miss West, I'm Hayden Peters.

What can I do for you, Mr Peters?

No, no. It's what I can do for you.

This film you're producing — I'd do
anything to play the lead in it.

Anything?

Anything.

Show me.

SAUCY MUSIC PLAYS

First, my question.

What?

You get fantasy. I get question.

Hayden, can it wait till after?

Oh, then I've got
no bargaining power.

Oh, you bastard.

All right. Fine, fine, what is it?

OK. Have you ever loved anyone?
What?

Have you ever loved anyone?

Don't be an emotional pervert.

Just answer the question, Miss West.

All right, fine. I don't hate my
dad. Mum's annoying sometimes, but
I guess she's OK.

What, this is love for you?

You did ask.

Well, all right. I guess
I'm closest to Grandpa.

When I was about , I tried to
steal his wallet and he caught me.

Mum would have told me off.
Dad would've just laughed.

But Grandpa taught me
how to do it properly.

OK.

Good. Back on your knees.
We'll pick it up from there.

PHONE RINGS
Oh, I can't work
under these conditions.

What do you want, Jools?

Oh shit. f*ck.

There you go. Keep the change.

Hi. Sorry I'm late. The school
took ages to pass on the message.

Sorry we got you out of class so
early, it's just you're the only
one he'll listen to.

Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?

Biffing this through
the ranchslider.

That's a bit of an expensive
option, Van. Can we save it as
a last resort?

Grandpa, it's Loretta.
Open the door.

Come on.

It's me. Let me in.

Grandpa.

Is he still in there?
Yes, and I'm busting for a pee.

Go in the garden.

Hey, I've already
tried every way in.

Oh, OK, find out for
yourself, then, knob-face.

Come on, Grandpa. Let me in.

He's lucky there's no room at the
Janet Frame or he'd be in there now.

Do you remember me telling you
about Mr Johnson, the hairdresser?

The one who said too much product
makes you bald — that one?

Mm. He died today.

So there is a vacancy?

Holy shit.

Nice work on the door.

Thank Christ you're here, boy.
The bastards have got the place
surrounded.

It's OK.
Lot of ca-ca's gone
down since you left.

Slutty-pants has been porked by
a pig and wants me out of the way.

But I won't let them lock me
up. Not again. Not at my age.

Who's talking about locking you up?

Them. They're talking. They don't
know I know, but I know they are.

Hey, no one's gonna lock you
up, OK? Not now, not ever.

You have my word.

You're not putting him in a home.

I'm going for a nap.

After what happened today,
he needs to go into a home.

This is his home, even if does
sleep in a manky old caravan.

It's not my fault he
burned down his unit.

Him and Grandma only moved into that
unit so that we could live here.

He's out of control. ]

He's an old man who's earned the—

He needs professional help.

This is about you
and Judd, isn't it?

What?

Grandpa doesn't like having a pig
in the house, so you're trying to—

That's enough.
That's the truth.

You saw what happened. He's a danger
to himself and everyone else.

He needs to go into a home.
Bullshit!

I hate to say it, but,
uh, I agree with Jethro.

We can take care of him better.
How?

Well, I have training
and everyone else can help.

[ We could have a roster.

Yeah, we can give him a pet.

No, not a rooster, babe. A roster.
We draw up a list and everyone takes
turns to look after Grandpa.

It's worth a try, isn't it?

Well, anything's better than
flushing him down the toilet, man.

He's your responsibility. You deal
with it. I'm going back to work.

Me too.
Me too.

And me.

Well, I'm filling in at the Video
Hut for a couple of hours.

So I have to look after him now?

Gives you an excuse not to
go back to school. Lucky you.

If Dad was here, we wouldn't
be having this conversation.

You're his disciple, you call him.

Wish I could. Still
haven't heard from him.

Well, maybe he's too
busy hiding, still.

Yeah, if he's still alive.

Your dad will be fine. He always is.

Mm.

Hey, if you do hear from him, let
him know Grandpa's not so good, eh?

Yeah, I will.

Judd's good, I'll give him that.
He's got you wrapped right round
his little finger.

What's going on with Ted has
got nothing to do with him.

Sure.

Hey, Jethro.

Shit, Mum.

Just a reminder. I'm your mother —
I hit you, not the other way around.

So does this mean
we've done your fantasy?

No, it does not.

I'll be back as soon
as I'm off guard duty.

Suppose I could do it with Aurora.

She is kinda curious as to why I'm
sitting in the manager's office.

What did you tell her?

I told her I'm waiting for you
to come back so I can please you.

Told her I was waiting to meet him.
She said, 'Good luck,' cos she
hasn't met him.

Maybe we should wait until there
are fewer girlfriends of my brother
around.

So we can do one of my
ones instead?

This better not be the
schoolgirl thing again.

I do have other fantasies.

But it does involve a uniform.
But don't worry, I'll provide that.

Get that into you.

Um, I'll call you back
when I'm off guard duty.
What are you on about?

Night vision. Can't have
enough carrots in this game.

Rita's favourite vegetable, the
carrot — apart from the cucumber.

Loved the cucumber, Rita did.

Oh, thank God.

What a shit day. One guy dies in
your class and suddenly you have
to answer questions.

That's a real tragedy (!)
And the worst part is, the cute
doctor was gone when I got back.

Tag. You're it. Bye, Grandpa.

(SIGHS)

Isn't this nice, Grandpa
— getting out of the house?

Some fresh air and some light
exercise is exactly what the
doctor ordered.

Doctor.

It's such a nice name, isn't it?

Doctor...

Doctor last-whatever-your-name-is.

I've never had an Indian boyfriend
before, so this will be a first for
me.

I presume it'll just be
the same as a normal guy.

No, Grandpa!

But Rita loves camellias.

Oh, not this kind!

He was so tired after our
walk, he just fell asleep.

Now, I've got an appointment with
Sharon, at the beauticians, to make
myself beautiful for work.

See ya.
See ya.

Choice. Grandpa's asleep.

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Room for another one?
Ow!

Shit!

There's no teeth!
There's no teeth!

Is there a problem, Miss?

This is a disabled parking space.

Are you disabled in any way?

Well, as a matter of fact I am.

I think I can help
you with that, sir.

Ooh, shit.

HORN HONKS

Can you put the seat back a bit?
Yeah, hang on.

Ooh, ow, the steering
wheel's poking into my back.

All right, hang on.

HORN HONKS

Hayden, this fantasy sucks.

Really?
Mm-hm.

I thought you'd be into it —
fascist uniform, ordering me round.

I'm a parking warden.

There is nothing sexy
about parking wardens.

And what is this thing you
have with disabled car parks?

We're just practising for when we're
doing it and I'm driving K's
down the Northwestern.

No, never gonna happen.

That's so unfair.

No fantasy
is worth dying for.

OK, here's my question.

Who's the better root
— Pascalle or me?

Oh my God, I can't believe
you're thinking about it.

Well, it's a good question.

What?

What?

Stick your 'what'
up your f*cking arse!

Well, it is a good question!

Loretta!

Loretta!

About time. You're
late for your turn.

No. I've already had a turn today.

Yeah, well, you can
have another one.

Where is Grandpa, anyway?
Probably in his caravan.

Van, you're supposed
to be watching him.

He nearly made Aurora
bite my wanger off.

Good. I'm sick of men
and their appendages.

Eh?
Nothing.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Grandpa, are you in there?

It's me.

You'll have to do better than
that. Clear off! Go on!

Grandpa, I'm just coming
to see if you're OK.

I know you, don't I?

Yes, it's me — Loretta.

Hey, come on. Let's go inside.
We'll put on Trackside.

Keeping my head low,
know what I mean?

There's nobody here but us monkeys.

Grandpa, listen to me.

You cannot keep mucking us
around like you did today.

If we can't look after you,
then Mum's going to send you away.

Grandpa, just knock it
on the head for a while, OK?

Sorry, love.

Shall we have a wee nip?

Sun's over the yardarm
somewhere in the world.

Whatever you want.
Bugger, there was something.

These thoughts scurry off
before I've got a chance.

They're all running around like
a sack full of rats in my head.

Jesus Christ! Where's
that f*cking thought?!

Stop following me!

A man's got a right—
Grandpa, stop! Stop! Stop!

Christ.

What?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to go off half-cocked,
but it's these thoughts that
won't...

It scares the crap out
of me when I can't catch them.

Haven't I done my time?

(SOBS) Haven't I bloody done it?

I gave him my word.

Wow, a lawyer's word (!)

He can be fine, but when
he loses it, it's f*cking freaky.

Maybe Mum was right
about the Zimmer frame.

Janet Frame, thank you.

There comes a time when the
care of elderly is best left
to professionals.

But you're not a professional.

She has charged for it, so
she probably qualifies, actually.

What is your problem?

Nothing. Ho.

Can we get back to Grandpa,
your failure to take care of him

and your willingness to
give up at the first hurdle?

OK, Mr Smarty-pants,

seeing as you're so
full of big ideas...

Yep. I am, actually.

[ (KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Grandpa, it's Jed.
I need a word with you.

You alone?

Sure.

[ What about that girl?
[ What girl?

The one pretending to be Rita.
(WHISPERS) She could be squealing
for the cops.

She's, uh, she's on our side.

Can I come in?

Just you?

Just me.

Oh...

It's gonna be sorted. I'll talk to
Wolf, he'll come back, it'll be
sorted.

Right.

How is Wolf, by the way?

Shh, shh. Laying low.

I call him when I can, but it's
not easy with a pig in the house.

You've got a number for Wolf?

Of course. ]
Where is it?

You don't write that sort of
thing down. You should know that.

I don't know who to trust any more.
It's all gone to hell in a handcart.
There's only you and me.

You better go. They watch me.

They take it in turns,
but I know, I bloody know.

Hey, it's gonna be OK.

I might be going away, so you
take good care of your mother,
understand?

You take care of her till I get out,
or I'll tan your backside till it
shines.

OK. It's OK.

OK, so...?

Maybe he's just going through a bad
patch. You know, he has got better
bef...

This was his house.

Yeah, but is he happy here?

Well, not with you around.

Ignore that. He has Alzheimer's,
right? That doesn't go away.

This is not your family, so you've
got no rights in this conversation.

Jethro.

We've just gotta be real here,
right? He needs to be somewhere,
and it can't be here.

This sucks.
Yeah, it does suck, but too bad.

There's a vacancy
at the Janet Frame?

Yeah, but there's a waiting
list — it could take months.

I'll sort it.

How?

I'll talk to Hayden.

What's penis-face
got to do with it?

Uh, he owns it.

The Janet Frame Retirement Home.

How did you think you got to do
your community service there?

Ew. I feel so used.

So you'll talk to Hayden?

Mm-hm.

Bags not me.

Bags not you, what?

Next is who has to tell Grandpa,
right? And I'm not going anywhere
near that.

Also bags not.

It wouldn't really be
right coming from me.

Obviously, I'm out.

I can't do it to him.

Sorry.

I'll do it.

You sure?

Yep.

Grandpa.

f*ck off!

Grandpa, it's me, Jed.
I need to talk to you.

Got you doing her dirty work
now, has she? Slutty-pants.

No.

I've got a message...

from Wolf.

Why didn't he call me?

He's worried someone
might be listening in.

Come in.

It's not safe for
you here any more —

with the pigs around. I've
got to get you out of here.

I've jacked up a safe house.

We can move you first
thing in the morning.

Good boy.
Yay. It'll be all right.

It's a good safe house.

Ted, it's not that far away, so we
can visit whenever and you can come
back in the weekends.

Day of days, man. The day I
thought would never come. The day of
reckoning. The day unlike any—

Got the picture, Munt.

I'm so sorry.

I really tried to think us a
way out of this, but I couldn't.

It's all sorted, don't you worry.

Ted, I'll bring the rest
of your stuff over later.

You all right, man?

Bit emotional.

Better get a calming
ale in you, then, eh?

Not so fast.

There's a job to be done. Come on.

Oh.
Oh shit! Has anyone got a gas mask?

Keg's got some oxygen at his place,
reckons it's ace for hangovers.

OK, let's just get on with it.

We'll save what we can,
and we'll burn the rest.

It's like he died or something.

No, it just smells that way.

Just in here, Grandpa.

See, isn't this nice?

You've got a telephone.
You can put a TV there.

Yep, I'll organise that.

And the beds are
amazingly comfortable.

Mr Johnson said it was the
comfiest bed he's ever slept in.

And he'd slept in lots because,
you know, he's gay and all.

Who's Mr Johnson?

It's not really important now.

So what do you think?

Perfect for throwing
the cops off the scent.

Exactly.

What are you looking at?

Sorry. Hello.

Hi!

Who are you? ]

They said you were looking for me.
I presume 'the Indian doctor guy'
is me.

Yes, it is. Hello.

Oh, this is my grandfather,
who will be joining us.

And that's my brother, who won't be.

Bruce Khan.
Jethro.

Bruce?
Yes?

But you're a wog.
Grandpa!

No, I'm not Italian. I'm a
curry-muncher, I believe you
would say.

Curry-munchers don't
have names like Bruce.

Grandpa!

I do. Dr Bruce Khan — that's me.
You're a doctor?

[ Oh, for God's sake.

According to the
certificates on my wall.

What did you pay for them?

A very reasonable price.
Lucky for you, I'm not your doctor.

I'll let you settle
your grandfather in.

You can smell the
curry powder on their breath.

You OK?
Feeling like a right bitch,
actually. It's not bloody fair.

The right decision was made.
Yeah, but we shouldn't have to
make it. He's Wolf's f*cking father.

If he was here...

He's not. But I am.

Yeah.

I'd just prefer to know if he was
going to walk through that door or
not,

or if he'd pissed off to another
country — or even if he was dead.

I just... I really wish
I knew, that's all.

Sorry.

(SQUAWKS)

Hey, Mum.
Yeah.

Hey, remember that necklace that
I nick— bought you on your birthday
that year?

Yeah.
Yeah? Well, happy birthday again.

Oh, thank you again.
That's all right.

Oh no, you don't—

The tribe has spoken.

(LAUGHS)

Bro, I've found one of my
hubcaps. Only three to go.

Oh, choice.

Guess what, Mum. There was
no sock fairy. Just Grandpa.

Put them in the laundry.
I'll sort them out later.

How come Grandpa's got so
much of Corky's shit? Look.

It's been a bonding experience.

Not that we need one seeing
how well we get on, anyway.

Sometimes I think it's like we're
two halves of the same person.

I mean, I know what they're
thinking all the time.

And God knows I'm the only one in
this screwed-up family that...

Old bastard.

What?

He's a crazy old bastard.
Who knows why?

BOTH LAUGH

Didn't even hurt, man. ]

Uh, I have to go.

Choice.

Here, fix one up.

TYRES SCREECH, ENGINE REVS

Hello.

Hi.

You look sad.

One person dies and now no one wants
to come to my aerobics session.

No, they've all gone on an outing.
Really?

New Roger Hall matinee. They'll come
back giggling like schoolgirls.

Nobody told me.

I'm kind of new here.

How's your grandfather settling in?

OK.

Your name is a bit odd
for someone Indian.

My father's from Pakistan,
my mother's from India.

It was quite romantic — two opposing
cultures falling in love like that.

So Bruce is Pakistani?

No, I meant Khan.
Oh.

Bruce is quite a common
name where I was born.

India?

Pukekohe.

Oh.

So do you still have
arranged marriages?

In Pukekohe?

In your family.

Only sometimes.

Like when my brother got
his girlfriend pregnant.

Oh.

Are you arranged?

Not yet.

Do you want to be?

Pascalle, would you like
to have dinner with me?

Mm-hm. I knock off at .

A bit later, if possible. This month
I'm fasting until after sunset.

Oh, it's amazing.
Really?

Mm-hm. I'm on that diet too.
Stick with it cos it so works.

Go away.

What's better — beef or chicken?

What?

See, some nights
butter chicken is the go.

Sometimes a steak
is what a man needs.

A red ' Monaro in mint
condition would be my ideal car,

but you give me a Land Cruiser
to go fishing in, and I'm in heaven.

You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, you can go now.

Bryan Williams and Grant Batty.

Who?
All Blacks.

Both brilliant wingers, but they
played the game in totally different
styles.

You're comparing me
to rugby players?

You asked a question,
Loretta. I'm answering it.

Who is better in the sack
— you or Pascalle?

Come on. Do you actually
want to know the answer?

Go on — admit it.

You prefer girls with big nungas,
blonde hair and empty heads.

Just like every other pathetic—

[ She's a classic ride, yeah.

Smooth as. In many ways Pascalle
is every man's dream girl.

But with you, it's unpredictable.

[ It's wilder.

And the highs are so much higher
because, well, it bloody means
something... every time.

[ And the lows are so
much lower because...

because I really really like you.

So you're saying you only
used my sister for sex?

If that works for you, yeah.

Come on, where are you going?

To lock the door and put up
the 'back in five minutes' sign.

Only five minutes?

We better work fast.
Take off those trousers.

CAR ALARM CHIRPS

Gidday, Mrs West.

Brandon, hi. Is your Mum in?

Sure. Mum, Cheryl West's here.

Uh, sorry, I gotta go.

Yeah.

Cheryl.

Anne-Marie.

Long time, no see.
How's your family?

Good question. Is he here?

Who? Brandon just left.

Wolf.

Why would Wolf be here?

Be the best place for him to hide,
wouldn't it? With his other family.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I found his will — Wolf's will.

All my kids are in there.
And so's Brandon.

You want to tell me why? ]

Well?

Yep.

Um, he's Wolf's kid.

So, is he here?

Nah, no. He's not. I
haven't seen him for ages.

Look, Cheryl. It was a stupid
mistake, but by the time I found
out I was pregnant, it—

I don't want to f*cking know!

He did the right
thing by me, Cheryl.

He's a good man, despite
what you're thinking.

Yeah, he's a f*cking saint.

So is he here?
No. Honestly.

So have you seen him recently?
What's going on? Is he all right?

Not when I find him.

Cheryl, I'm not bullshitting you
when I say I haven't seen him.
Not since...

Since when?

Um, since Brandon's birthday.

[ Um, Cheryl, look,
I'm really really sorry.

You bastard, you bastard!

You f*cking f*ck!

I'll put the whisky under here.

They'll nick anything that's
not nailed down. Sneaky buggers.

And ciggies are in the top drawer.

What about the wild, wild women?

I'd better get going.
Are you gonna be OK?

Right as rain. Don't
worry about me. Off you go.

OK.

Bye. I'll see you soon.

PHONE RINGS

What?

So they finally put you in a
home, eh? About bloody time.

Ha bloody ha.

How're you doing?

When are you going to
come back and sort this shit out?

All in good time, old man.

You know the pig's
in your bed, don't you?

Yes. I know.

Don't worry, it'll all be sorted.
Everything's going to be just fine.

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'