03x05 - What Did You Enact?

[bunniefuu]

Write me a great erotica p*rn
script and you can direct it.

And I really get to direct it?

I'm a virgin.
I'm a virgin too.

There's always hymen repair surgery.
They whack some fake blood up there,
sew it back together,

and everyone's a winner
on the night.

I've decided I will
be in your movie.

And this way, I get to pay for my
operation and leave my old life
behind with a bang.

Well, a series of bangs.

Does anyone want any more L&P?

Hey, Van. Come to the table, love.

I want a f*cking drink.

Yeah, well, we're not
drinking tonight.

That's bullshit.

Come on. OK, OK. You can have your
beers. Just come and sit with us.

Can you get whatever this is over
with so Van can start crying again?

We should do this, honey.

OK.

GLASS CHINKS

Excuse me, everyone. Hello. Now, as
you all know, Bruce and I have spent
the most amazing couple of months

helping the poor and...

CAN OPENS

...sick people in Pakistan, and
meeting his family, who were all
choice, even Uncle Shahim,

who thinks white people are
Satan-worshipping Americans.

He didn't even know where NZ was.
He does now, thanks to me.

While we were there, the most
romantic thing happened.

It was a moment that I've been
dreaming of ever since I met Bruce.

I would have told you,
except for the Aurora thing.

And we didn't think it was right for
us to make our little announcement
while you're all thinking of death.

We figure now that enough time has
passed and you all need a bit of
good news, and this news is so good.

We couldn't keep it
secret any longer.

So I'll let Bruce, my future
husband, take it from here.

I rather asked Pascalle to
marry me and, um, she said yes.

(GIGGLES)

TENSE MUSIC

SLURS: I hope it works out better
for you than it did for me, eh.

Yeah, well, obviously. (CHUCKLES)

So, are you going
to congratulate us?

Welcome to the family, Imran.

Well done, love.

[ DOOR CLOSES

This announcement of yours
better not mess with my film.

Bruce and I made a vow to lose our
virginity on our wedding night,

which is totally romantic, but it
means I'm going to need that money
for the surgery more than ever.

It's like a clock is ticking.

Good. Tick-tock.

My whole life is a lie, Loretta.

Whatever.

Congratulations, by the way.

We so need to get
a lock on this door.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Mum, these are the
recipes for the wazwan.

The what?
The wazwan.

Bruce's family is from the Kashmir,
so to announce our engagement,

we need to make the wazwan
and send it to Bruce's folks.

In the Kashmir?
No, in Pukekohe.

So, which one is the wazwan?

All of them.
You what?

It's tradition, Mum, for the bride's
family to make a feast and send it
over cos we're engaged.

[ 'Engaged' is the coolest word.

Can't we just ring them?

No, they know already, but
this is, like, tradition.

I would help, but I'm gonna be
busy over the next few days,

filling in at that home
at Glenfield. Remember?

I am too.

What are you doing?

She's not in Glenfield.

I'm renovating the Video Hut.

(SCOFFS) What? You've never
renovated anything in your life.

It's fine. Hayden's helping me.

Wish someone would help me.

Where's Bruce?

Uh, last I saw, he was
with Ted and Jethro.

Oh, sh*t.

What the f*ck is hak?

Hold it down, Imran. Hold it down.

(COUGHS)

You guys are bad, bad people.

Not you, honey.
You're just easily led.

It's OK. I like being led.

I think our work here is done.

Want some?
No.

I love your family.

Yeah, well, somebody has to.

Almost as much as I love you.

I love you too. And I'm going
to call you a dial-a-driver, OK?

I'm already thinking
about our wedding day.

Me too.

And I'm going to miss you heaps, cos
you know that you won't be able to
see me for a few days, right?

I have difficulty thinking
about anything else.

Glen Eden Home is going to be really
short-staffed and I'm going to be
rushed off my feet.

I can stay a while, if you like.

You remember when you proposed to
me, the Himalayas looking down on
us? Do you remember what we said?

I remember you said yes. I like yes.

After that bit. We said that we have
to be strong for each other, like
the Himalayas.

I need you to be strong
for me right now.

OK.

Better like it. It took
me all bloody night.

You had pharmaceutical
help. Stop complaining.

What about the rest of the dressing?

It'll come.

What about the bed?

Yep. It'll do.

We could try it out, if you want.

You can screw on it. It'll be fine.

We could rehearse
that blindfold scene.

We have to go.
It will only take a minute.

Words every woman
dreams of hearing (!)

Come on. Stop moaning.
At least you'll get to watch.

So, do you have any idea what
aso-fo-tida is? I need it for
the maach.

I've got to go.

I'm going to be here
all day, cooking mutton.

I'm not at the Janet Frame.

You're in Glenfield.

So if you wanted to come and see
me, it would be too far to bother.

Fine. I'll just stay here and cook.

You know, cos I just
love cooking so much (!)

[ Hey, Munter.

See you, Pascalle.

He's in his room.

You OK, Munter?

Not exactly, Mrs West. It's hard
to be here for your boy when you're
only half here.

Where's the other half of you?

Don't know if you saw,
Kasey and I, we hooked up.

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah, I noticed. Didn't it go well?

It's been awesome. She's the
freakiest lady I've been with.

Apart from checking on Van,
me and her, we've been at it—

I don't need details, Munter. If
it's all good, why have you gone
all sad sack on it?

This morning, we're round
at her place, right?

We're in the shower, washing each
other. I'm down on my knees, you
know—

Munter, I don't need details.

It's all about details, Mrs West,
like the look in her eye.

At first I thought it was cos of
the soap that was in my eye, but...
but no.

It was a 'cutting me loose' look in
her eye. When we were towelling off,
she says she'll call me.

Well, that's what
people say usually.

Nah, nah. But when she said it, it
sounded like, 'f*ck off, Munter.'

She'll call.
You think?

For sure. You're a catch.

Nah. Really?

For sure.

She'll call.

Better go check on the boy.

You do that.

Ben, this is Pascalle.
She's playing Serenity.

Hi.
This is Ben. He's playing The Guide.

Uh, Luke.
What?

I named him Luke, after
the patron saint of artists.

Thank God. I was reading the script,
and every time I read,

'The Guide leads Serenity into a
room,' I had this picture in my head
of a Girl Guide.

And that was just sick.
We've got a lot to do and no time
to do it in. Any questions?

Uh, yes. Why?
Why what? ]

Well, why everything? Serenity,
she's this famous artist, but she's
got painter's block.

She looks for this old, reclusive
painter guy, and he says that she
needs to f*ck a lot

so that she can overcome
her inhibitions,

but what I don't get is why does
the old, reclusive painter guy run
a motel? If he's reclusive—

Wouldn't motelling be the worst job
for a guy who hates people?

The motel represents the rooms of
Serenity's mind that she needs to
unlock to release her creativity.

And he has Luke to run the motel.

OK, if it spins your wheels.
Are we happy now?

Bruce and I saw
this Bollywood film—

No, you cannot have a Bollywood
dance sequence. Are we done here?

I don't want to have
actual sex in the film.

What?

Pretend sex is OK, cos that's just
acting, but we won't be having
actual, real sex, will we?

I mean, you won't be pointing a
camera up my,... you know, while
I'm,... you know...

Of course not.

It's erotica. We'll be faking it.

Oh, thank God.

Uh, just excuse me. Need
a word with the director.

Loretta!

Loretta!

She's not your sister today.
She is just an actor in a film
about actors f*cking other actors.

We've talked about this.
You never said there'd be no d*ck.

There'll be d*ck, just not
going in and out of Pascalle.

d*ck going in and out
is what it's all about.

It is erotica for women, for the
last time. And this just shows how
little you know about women.

I'm sorry?
Women want beautiful bodies
and danger and seduction,

not going in and out.

Your family owned brothels. You grew
up around hookers. So you wouldn't
know any better.

But I'm in charge now, and it's your
money you're wasting, standing here
chatting.

Hey, come here.

[ First sh*t down on the grass.

Cut!
What?

Let's go through this again.
[ OK.

What is Serenity doing in this sh*t?

Arriving at the motel.

To do what?

To find her true inner self.

And how long will that take?
As long as it takes?

Which could be quite some time,
so what has she brought with her?

Her luggage.

Sorry. I put it down
to open the gate.

Shall we try again?

[ Was I OK?
You were fine, Ben.

Cos I could, like, come in a second—

You were fine.

And action.

Hey, um, is it supposed to be
my left hand or my right hand?

Cut.

Action.

Sorry!
Cut.

Action.
You have arrived.

You better not have f*cked that up.

When will I meet him?
When you are ready.

When will that be?

He will know.

You will know.
How?

In here.

Here you guys are!

Cut! Cut!

The guy in the office said
come round this way.

What are you doing here?

I asked her.

You told her about the film?

Are you crazy? Mum will know by now!

I never told anyone.

You can't keep your mouth
shut about anything!

Loretta, just chill.

We're ready over here.

Fine. We'll go again. Turn over.

I was thinking, instead of walking
along with Serenity,

what if I was to jump out of
the bushes and surprise her?

Why would you do that?
Because it would be more surprising.

Stick to the script, Ben.

Mark it.

Action.

When will I meet him?
When you are ready.

CELLPHONE RINGS

Oh, for f*ck's sake. Cut.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

WHISPERS: Yes?
Where are you?

I'm doing client liaison.

Which client?

I can't really talk now, Cheryl.

Kase, I've got a shitload
of orders for you.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Do you want to explain to me
why this woman's on my film set?

Serenity should really have a maid's
uniform, right? So I got Kasey to
make one.

Kasey, who works for my mother.

I repeat, she doesn't know.

Kasey, who is like the Karen Walker
of slutty clothing.

Where's the back?

There isn't one.

So she walks around all day
with her arse hanging out?

Guys like arses.

Erotica, Hayden, for women.

I'm a woman. I love chicks' arses.

OK. You go and run that costume
past our star. See what she says.

I'll do that.

I'm not having her
anywhere near my film.

Your film?
You heard.

No f*cking way, ever.

Come on. It's sexy.

No. It's huss. Get it away from me.

I think this is going to look
really good on my showreel.

You want people to see this film?

Well, isn't that the point?

The point is to make money so that
I can have my dream wedding night.

Are you getting paid?

Yeah. Aren't you?

No. I was just doing
it for the experience.

And your showreel.

So, you're getting married?

Yes. To the best guy
in the whole world.

Oh yeah? I'm engaged too.

No way. So am I.

How did your fiance feel
about you doing this film?

He's cool.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Imran.
Hey, Ted.

I was just thinking about you.

Were you?

Nope. But I am now.

She's not here.

I know. ]
Did you come to see me?

No. Not that I'm not
happy to see you.

I thought I'd surprise her
when she finishes work.

Jump her.

No.

No, we don't do that sort of thing.

(CHUCKLES)

Seriously. We decided to
wait until our wedding day.

Kids do that these days?

No.

Just us.

Jeez. That'd take some willpower.

Yes, it does.

It wasn't so bad till that day at
the Killi Faizo Refugee Camp,...

on the border with Afghanistan.

I was walking past
the women's quarters.

There was a fateful gust of wind.

Oi. That's my granddaughter
you're fantasising about.

Sorry, Ted. It's just,
ever since, I've been...

...having impure thoughts?

More and more impure by the day.

Downstairs. We're going to fix this.

This isn't your magazine
collection again, is it?

Nah. Get you pissed.

Action.

In each of these rooms,
Serenity Jones, is temptation,

sin for you to taste, to feel...

Do chicks actually
dig this bollocks?

Are you kidding? This is hot.
I'm getting wet just standing here.

Are you ready, Serenity Jones?

Are you ready to let go? ]

Yeah, sorry. I'll call you back.

So, how was client liaison?

Uh, pretty good, actually.
What's the big emergency?

Family liaison.

How come your family liaison is more
important than my client liaison?

Have you got another bloke?

Is that why you're giving
Munter the flick?

Who says I'm giving him the flick?

He does. You know, Kase, he's
actually a really good guy.

I know. That's the problem.

The Bahama Triangle.

Oh, right. That.

It exists, Cheryl. Every good guy
I've ever let into my life steals
my car to pay for their dr*gs

or have affairs with
their prison guards.

It's not you.

It is! I take good men
and I turn them into bad men.

That is such a crock.

You haven't seen it happen
over and over. But never again.

You know what? Munter's not actually
that good, come to think of it.

Yes, he is.
No, he's not.

He's the best one yet.

And I'm not having him
on my conscience.

For God's sake.

Inside that room, a man waits. You
have never met him before. You will
never see him again.

He is under the impression you are
a prost*tute. When he is finished,
he will give you money.

You will thank him and leave. How
does that make you feel, Serenity?

Pretty freaking gross, actually.

Cut! Cut! Pascalle,
that's not the line.

Well, it's how I feel.

The line is, 'I don't
know. Strange, I guess.'

Say the f*cking line and try
to get it right for a change.

I have been saying your stupid pervy
lines all day. They don't even make
any sense.

They're sick and wrong,
and I shouldn't even be here!
I shouldn't be doing this.

You're taking me to
sicko world and it's wrong!

OK. I think we're done here.

Can you get the scene
without the last line?

I guess so.
Good. We'll pick this up tomorrow.

You OK?

No. Not that you care.

Pascalle, I know how
freaky this must be.

Especially now that Loretta's in her
director's place, which, if I can be
honest, scares even me.

(LAUGHS)

Can I tell you something?
Mm-hm.

Watching you today,...

wow, that...

was gold.

Really?

I don't know much about this
film stuff. But you, wow.

You have this thing that
just lights up a screen.

OK. Now you're bullshitting me.

No bullshit. ]

What you are doing is way out of
your comfort zone. Gosh, I know
that. But you are doing just great.

Wow, it's just great. ]

Oh, come here.

Like I said, you are just gold.

Thank you.

Hey, Bruce.

Bruce!

All right. I'll see you later.

What are you doing here?

Are you drunk?

DOOR CLOSES ]

With love.

Grandpa, can you stop
getting my boyfriend pissed?

Is that what I am?

Your boyfriend?

Yes.

I thought I was your fiance.

Well, yeah, you're that too.

You still shouldn't be here.

What if I want to be here?

With you.

Not tonight.

I'll phone dial-a-driver.

OK. Mark it. Action.

I want to reshoot the scene
with the mute gardener.

How many ways do you want
to hear the word 'no'?

We've got this great big,
as yet unused bed in here.

How many ways do you want
to hear the word 'no'?

Just once is enough.

Cut!

Going again.

This better be worth it,
this thing you've started.

What?

This vase-van.
Wazwan.

Yeah, whatever.

Translated it means
'royal pain in the arse'.

Bruce and I just want
to do things properly.

Well, why do I always seem
to be the one doing them?

Hey, there.

Munter, hey. You want a drink?

I would, but seeing how depressed
I am, that may not be a good idea.

You gotta dull the pain somehow.

Tried calling her a couple of times
— no reply. So I texted her a few
times.

Munter.
Texting someone times,
is that, like, stalking?

Or the message — 'Get the
frickin' hint, loser.'

Maybe you should give Kasey
some space for a while.

Yeah, but how much space?

You know, space is so big,
being the final frontier and all.

Kasey has been hurt by most,... nah,
all of the men in her life, right?

So I just think you should let
it be. Maybe let me talk to her.

Yeah. Hey, can I get that drink now?

'Course you can.

Wake up! Wake up!

Piss off!

You're not my director right now.
You can't tell me what to do.

But I can kick you.

I'm not doing your film.
I can't live with the lies.

Pascalle, no film, no money, no new
hymen, no fairytale wedding to your
fairytale virgin,

and no magical popping of cherries
on the wedding night. Does that all
add up?

I hate myself, but I hate you more.

DOOR SLAMS ]

You can win $ . The Rock.

Cereal.

You eat it.

Don't pour beer on it.

What do you want for breakfast?

I have to get to the store,
so I'll get something there.

How are the renovations going?

They're getting there slowly.

Shouldn't you be gone too? To
Glendene, to make all those
old people happy?

Pascalle!

Don't be late for work.

What the hell was that?

Nothing.

Kasey.

What are you doing here?

I talked to Cheryl last night.

She's not here.

Nah, I don't want to see her. I
talked to her last night. Uh, she
didn't exactly go into any details,

cos she's a good friend and doesn't
talk about other friends' personal
business.

So what exactly did she say?

That I should give you some space.

Well, that worked.

I'm not good at listening. I'm not
good at a whole heap of things,

but I am good at reading
between the lines,

and what I got from between Cheryl's
lines was that you've been hurt by
guys in the past

and that's why you're
pushing me away.

Before you push me too far,
I just want to say one thing.

I'm a good man, Kasey, and I would
never do anything that would hurt
you.

In fact, I want to help
make your hurt go away.

The thing that should go away,
Munter, is you, because I am over
men for life.

It doesn't look anything
like a motel room.

It represents a motel room.

Yeah. In sicko world.

Hayden, where are
the rest of the props?

They'll be here.

Fine. We'll block through the first
scene. Ben, you lead Serenity over
here to Jeff.

You introduce her, then go back the
way you came. Pascalle, you kneel on
the—

What the f*ck are you doing here?

I'm here because he asked me.

I needed a second opinion. Because,
apparently, I wouldn't know erotica
if it fell out of my arse.

Sweet Lord in Heaven.

What is he doing here?

Falani is providing props
for the film.

What sort of film? I'm beginning
to ask, what sort of film?

Any other family associates
you want to bring into this?

I am pissing money all over this
thing. I'll take any deal I can get.

You making a p*rn film?
No!

No. It's erotica, apparently.

Oh, that's OK, then.

What are you doing, Falani?

I'm looking after my telephone.

I'm not doing this
with Falani watching.

Bugger off, Falani.
Go and get your thrills elsewhere.

I take no thrill from this.

Too bad. Hook off.

Shame if I hooked off
and met up with your mum.

[ You wouldn't dare.

'Hey, Cheryl. I'm
worried about your family.'

This phone isn't right. Have
you got any more in your shop?

Yeah.
Get me another one.

Eh?
You're my prop guy. That prop's
wrong. Go and get me more props.

Now!
All right. All right. Just
don't shout. Don't shout.

I'm the director.
That's what they do.

f*ck. We've got minutes until he
gets back, so do you want to do the
scene?

Yo, Zorro, let's do this.

So, how's our boy?

Reckons Vin Diesel's sh*t.
Threw the DVDs at me.

I think it's great, you
bringing two families together.

Yeah. Well, I'll be even more
thrilled when I can find some sumac—
mac— mac—, whatever that is.

You know Mr Kumble? Owns the
superette on Stanley Palmer Ave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Smells like a lot of weird sh*t.
It's a tinny house for curry heads.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Anyway, I better get these
DVDs back to the Video Hut.

It's closed for renovations.

Old Vin didn't leave the premises
via the usual channels, anyway.

How about I take you down there and
we go to Mr Kumble's on the way, eh?

Yeah, yeah. OK. ]

So we start tight on your wrist,
then slowly track across your body.

And over this, Ben, you're
doing your dialogue.

Yeah, about that...

What?

Well, you know, are people going to
laugh? Cos I've put a lot of effort
into making Luke really believable

Why would they laugh?

I'm going to make her orgasm
without even touching her —
just by whispering in her ear.

Yeah, is that even possible?

The tying up thing's good, but she
comes because he talks dirty to her.
I mean, come on.

Loretta, slight problem
with the scene.
What?

Sometimes, Loretta, women
need less talk and more action—

KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Sorry! Sor— Oh, sweet Jesus.

Loretta!

No.
No, what?

To the phone. It's not right.

What's wrong with it?

I can't sh**t the scene
till I have the phone.

Falani, just, um, just go and get
another phone, mate, please. Be less
trouble.

The problem with the scene, in fact
the whole movie, is the whole ratio
of talking to humping.

Sometimes you want to be shoved up
against the wall and shown what's
what.

Now, I like that.

Oh, well, you would.

So, what does your fiancee do?

Oh, she works in a bank.

That's good that one of
you has a sensible career.

Well, what does your fiance do?

He's a doctor.

Well, he's more than that. He's,
like, a superdoctor. He travels
the world, healing people.

That's what we were doing
together when he proposed.

The mighty Himalayan mountains
looking down on us.

Pascalle West, you are the most
remarkable creature I've ever met.

Bruce got down on one knee
and looked way up into my eyes.

Will you marry me?

I got down on two knees so
I could look him in the eye.

God, yes!

'It was all an illusion.'

For a moment in time, the power and
beauty of that place transported us
to another world.

And then we came back to this
world, where there is no magic.

She's hiding something, Ted.

In this world or the other one?

I tried to call her this morning.
Her cellphone was turned off.

I rang every rest home in Glen Eden.
No one had heard of Pascalle West.

You should ask that fella, the
one who used to be her boyfriend.

What?
[ The Hayden fella.

Loretta's boyfriend?

He is now. Dirty rat.

He was Pascalle's boyfriend?

Then he moved on.

Well, maybe he moved back.

I'd love a word with him right now.

If only I knew where he was.

He's at the Video Hut.
They're renovating.

Really?

OK.

Pascalle, you've pashed
heaps of girls before.

Only at parties when I'm pissed
and stoned, or for a dare.

OK, fine. I dare
you to pash Georgia.

Nice try. Ha ha. f*ck off.

Pascalle, the lesbian encounter
is crucial to my film.

What's the problem?

She's gone all shy on it.

It's just, it's weird,
doing it with another girl.

Meanwhile, I've got a lesbian
who's being paid by the hour.

I can fix this.

If you could.

OK. The thing with girl-on-girl,
in my experience, is that—

f*ck it. I'll show you.

The thing is, you need to close
your eyes and feel, not think.

Feel how soft women are,

how different they smell from guys,

how smooth their skin is.

Now, this is hot.

LOUD KNOCKING ON DOOR

Loretta!

Holy sh*t. That's mum.
Everyone, shut up.

KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Maybe they've gone to lunch.

I'll just slip these puppies back
and release The Rock.

How?
Uh, you know, round the back.

OK, OK. I think she's gone.
Um, set up for the first sh*t.

You OK?

It's just acting, right?
Of course it is.

So, after you've done the prep
work, you go in for the k*ll.

The what?

Oh yeah.

And take it slow. Don't rush it.
No one likes a rush job.

You know way too much about this.

I've dated a lot of losers
who liked threesomes.

Holy sh*t.

Oh, sh*t. This is not
what it looks like.

Now I get it when you
said you were over men.

No. I was only showing Pascalle—

Showing her how to be a lesbian.
But not in the way you—

BANGING ON DOOR

Hayden!
Bruce.

Hayden Peters, get out here now!

How did I lead you on? ]

By pretending you were straight. ]

Shut the f*ck up.
I am straight! ]

Shut up!

You got bored with me and dumped me.

No. No, that's not the reason.

There's a reason?

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

Hayden, go before he
breaks the door down.

Yes. Go.

[ I know you're in there,
you coward!

[ KNOCKING CONTINUES

Munter, no!

Kasey, shut the f*ck up.

Hey. What's the problem?

Get out here now.

Were you in there all this time?
Yeah.

Did you not hear the knocking?

Oh, I had some headphones on.
What's up, Doc?

What have you been
doing with my fiancee?

Please go away, please go away.

I dropped her home.

From a place in Glen Eden
that doesn't exist.

Sorry?

She told me she was
working in Glenfield.

She told me Glen Eden.
She told me Glenfield.

What about Glendene?

It's Glen Innes, actually.

Too many Glens in this city.
Glen Innes?

Yeah. The Frances Hodgkins
Retirement Village.

She's not with you?
No. She's in Glen Innes.
Do you want the address?

Pascalle, come with me.

Why?

If you want a wedding, we've got
to drive very fast to Glen Innes.

Why?

If Bruce arrives at the Frances
Hodgkins Retirement Village first,
then you are f*cked.

(GASPS)

Just not by Bruce.
What about my film?

Believe it or not, Loretta,
some things are more important.

If it would help, we could improv
a couple of Luke scenes, throw the
ball around. Very unprofessional.

Ben, if you don't stop
talking, I'm gonna k*ll you.

Yes, I wanted it to end.
For his own good and not like this.

Not hurting him like this.

Man, that Hayden's a dangerous
driver. He almost knocked me over.

And as for the language from
your sister's mouth. How's this?

CRASH!

Perfect.

I want to say sorry in advance.
What for?

What I'll do if she's not here.

Uh, she'll be here.

Thank you for the lift.
You're welcome.

Pascalle!

Bruce! Mum! Wow.
What are you guys doing here?

I wanted to see you.
Here I am.

I couldn't find you.

Well, I've been here all the time.
You know, you guys really didn't
have to drive all the way out here.

There's something
I have to tell you.

I've been lying to you, Pascalle.

What?

About waiting for our wedding.

I need you now, Pascalle.

Now?
Now and every time I see you.

Every second we're together.

Because you are so freakishly hot,
I can't think about anything else.

I've been lying to myself. And to
you and the world, thinking I can
wait.

I can't. I'm as horny as heck.
I need you so bad.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be sorry. That was really
sweet and a total turn-on. It just
changes everything.

Yes. I suppose it does.

I've been lying to you too.

You know how I told you
that I was a virgin too,...

(COUGHS)

...well, you know how I told you
that? It's not strictly true.

There have been other men in my
life, but none of them were as
amazing

and as good a kisser as you. I just
didn't want you to feel weird

cos you thought you were
useless with the ladies,

cos you're not. You're amazing,
especially with this lady here.

The thing is, I lied to you and I've
been going crazy ever since, doing
crazy things.

Me too.

I know. You just said that.

So, does this mean that we're OK?

I think it means that
we're better than OK.

Flush.

Four of a kind.

Bugger.

At least I saved him from the
Bahama Triangle. He's not in
prison or on the run...

Bermuda. It's the Bermuda Triangle.

It's my triangle.
I'll call it what I want.

I'm the one who has to
live there without a man.

For God's sake. Come on.

Ow.
For once in your life, shut up.

Call me psychic, but here is Munter,
drowning his sorrows.

Kasey, this is Munter. He's really
gutted because he has the hots for
you and you dumped him.

Munter, this is Kasey. She's not
a lesbian. She was pretending for
my film.

She is really sad because
she has the hots for you.

Now, do whatever you want,
just stop annoying me.

CELLPHONE RINGS
What?

Hi. It's me. Hey, I have the best
news. Bruce knows I'm not a virgin

and he doesn't care. So that means I
don't have to be in your film any
more. Isn't that great?

I guess we should talk.

Later.

(SQUEALS)

(MOANS ORGASMICALLY)

Look on the bright side.
You sh*t some good stuff.

I'm sure a genius like you
can cut something out of that.

Yeah. I can.

And in the meantime,
we've got this really big bed.

I just want to go to sleep,

pretend like none
of this ever happened.

Yep. Fair enough.

Looks like a pretty good feed.

It bloody is.

Seems such a shame to send
it all the way to Pukekohe.

Be cold by the time it got there.