03x22 - Where the Offence Is, Let the Great Axe Fall

[bunniefuu]

There's a clear
connection here to Wolf.

If Wolf knew Gary Savage,
then I'd know him.

JETHRO: So now we find him.

It's about Gary bloody Savage.

Gary Savage?

Why is my baby any
business of yours?

Don't give it away.

KASEY: 'I have dreamt of this
wedding since I was a kid.'

Munt, what have you done?

My truck — you stole it, didn't you?

Why would I want your f*cking truck?

I got arrested, bro.

Oh, you're sh1tting me?

Nah. Theft of a vehicle.

I'll get you out, OK? I promise.

Oh, you shouldn't be lifting that. ]

Yeah. Your waters could break
right here, right now.

Where's Munter?

Van, did you pull some
stag-night stunt?

No, no, no, no. He's just got this
big thing about the thing about not
seeing the bride, you know?

But he's totally there.
You got him trashed, didn't ya?

Nah. No, no, no.
He's just on a job at the moment.

Make sure Munter is at the
church on time — with clothes.

And don't forget rings and speech.

If you do, Van,...

...then I take no responsibility
for my actions or hers.

Come on. Help.

All going well there?

Yeah. A bit stressy.

I'll give you a hand with that.

Morning, old man.
Tosspot.

In like a rat up a drainpipe.

It's not bloody over.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Thanks, love.

Good girl, isn't she?

Heard from your bank, saying that
my duties as guarantor have been
discharged.

What can I say?
Thanks and everything.

That cash — it's a lot of DVD hire.

Especially when your second
store is hardly breaking even,
according to the staff.

Yeah. Real helpful was young Stacey.
What's this trip you're planning?

What trip?

Going away for about
a month, apparently.

You're having a baby in two weeks.

Planning to have it in Wellington?

Such bullshit.

What was the deal?
Who are you selling it to?

What the f*ck is it to you, anyway?

An innocent child is
everyone's business,

especially when the mother
is clearly sick and cold.

[ Bugger off!

Maybe I got the wrong end of it.

Mum. It's bullshit. Mum, it's crap.

Where the f*ck are you going?

Away from you.

You would sell your own baby?

He is full of sh*t.

Christ. To think I raised you.

I never wanted to be pregnant,
and I just don't see why I should
come out of this with nothing.

OK, this is how it's gonna be.

Until you have it,
you don't leave this house.

You can't do that.
I can and I will. Pascalle.

I've got a business to run.
You won't sell your baby. Pascalle!

You can't do this!

I will call the cops, I'll take you
to court, I'll send you to the bin
if I have to.

I've got a job for you.

Just no wedding crap.
I've got new friends.

Tell your sister about it. Make
sure she doesn't leave the room.

You cannot do this!

Just f*cking watch me.

(GROANS ANGRILY) I hate you
for this! I hate you! (SIGHS)

Did you do something bad?

CAR LOCK BEEPS

Hey! Where is he?

He didn't get bail.
You were s'posed to get it.

The idiot told Hickey
he's got tickets to Raro.

Yeah. It's for his honeymoon.

The cops think he's a flight risk.

How is he meant to
get to Raro? Swim?

He won't be going to Raro, Van.

It's his honeymoon, man.
You've gotta get him out.

I'm trying, but I've gotta go, OK?

They're bullshit charges, Jed.
He didn't do this.

Well, the fingerprints
would suggest otherwise.

What fingerprints?

The ones in the truck.

Aaron Spiller's tow truck, Van.

OK. What's the next move?

Maybe there isn't one.

What's that yellow-belly talk?

I get why we were doing this,
but, um,... maybe it's a dead end.

Sure you wouldn't like a whisky?
It's a real pick-me-up.

Coffee's fine.

OK.

So, that's what you've been up to
since you walked out on family.

Thought you were here about Savage.

So you do know the bastard.

Oh, not all that well.

Well enough to have Corky
put away on your behalf.

Is that what Gary said?

Well, what's the real story?

Well, me and Gary did some business.

That's about it.

What about Leon Shuker?

Couldn't tell you.

We came all this way for this?

Nobody asked you to come, old man.

Savage is rolling your wife.

Don't think so.
You keep the f*ck out of this.

He's taken a slice of her business
on the dodge with tax.

f*ck me dead.

So that's a joke, is it?

Oh, I knew she wouldn't last.

What about your kids?

They haven't exactly been
b*ating a path to my door.

You gutless wonder. You rank piece
of turd. Since when did a West leave
his family to lay lino

or a tarty skirt?
Hey!

You can keep him, because from now
on, he's no bloody son of mine!

Thanks a f*ckin' bunch, Dad (!)
Jethro!

You talk about Mum and
treat Grandpa like sh*t.

Whatever you're trying to dig up
won't do this family any favours —
especially Ted.

What do you mean?

I'm trying to spare the old bastard.

He doesn't need to know,
so leave it the f*ck alone.

Look, Grandpa, maybe it's just
time to drop it, all right?

I'll catch you later.

Piker. Got no bloody sticking power.

Maybe he's got a point.

What kind of attitude is that?
You're the detective. Detect.

Rock Pig from Dorset says my clips
are the best comedy he's ever seen.

Go, Rock Pig.
No, they're not meant to be funny.
It's inspirational.

Come on. Let me out.

What did you do that was so bad?

Nothing. Mum's just gone mental.

COMPUTER ALERT SOUNDS

Oh, it's Travis again —
the guy from Florida. ]

He says that he wants me to go
there, and he'd even pay me.

Mm, wonder what for (!)

He works at a cable channel, and—

Pascalle, I need to pee.
You can't leave the room.

Do you realise the pressure on
my bladder? I'll pee my pants.

Ugh.

Oh, OK. But I'm waiting
for you outside the door.

You can tell me all about Travis.

Really?
Mm-hm.

You are interested?

He is really excited by my talent
and asked if I write my own
material.

Yes, she's holding me prisoner.

Oh, that's impossible.

You don't know my mother.

He says I'm an inspiration
and I'm attractive.

Maybe we should call this off.

No, Fran. We stick to the plan,
unless you want to lose your cut.

PASCALLE: How's peeing?
LORETTA: Nearly done!

TOILET FLUSHES

I'll get out and then
I'll call you, OK?

OK.

This is the best bit yet. He thinks
I am perfect for their demographic.

What are you doing?
Your mother wants
a bolt on your door.

You're kidding.
Nup.

Loretta, what did you do?

For you, with my compliments.

I'm thinking, OK?

About Munter? His predicament?

Yes, about that.

Yeah. It's a sad thing when a man
does what he has to for his wedding,

and then can have no wedding
because he did what he had to.

Mm, you know about it?

Yeah. I share your grief. I'm also
out of pocket and have no truck.

What, you took the truck?

No, it was Munter.
I was passing it on.

Then why the f*ck didn't
it get passed on?!

It's a long road to Porirua.

Alas, along the straights near
Otaki, my nephew picked up speed
and the cops—

So why didn't the
cops get your nephew?

He ran away, as I've taught him.

Then why weren't his
prints in the truck?

He was wearing gloves.

f*ck!

As I said, I share your grief.

It's your f*ckin' fault!

Not me.
CELLPHONE RINGS

It's Aaron Spiller — h*tler boy.
He reported it to the cops. He's
the bad man.

Yep.
MUNTER: Hey, bro.

Munt. You out?

Nah, nah. Still at the cop shop.
They're taking me to remand
tomorrow.

Well, tell Hickey he can't.

Van, it's over.

No, it's not.

I got sucked down, bro, you know?
Right into that triangle.

But I did it. Now all I have to
do is call Kasey and tell her the
truth.

Call off the wedding, eh?

No.

No, you can't.

f*ck, I have to, man.

Munt, listen to me.
What if you didn't do this?

What if...? What if you
didn't steal any truck?

But I did, Van.

What if I could prove
that you didn't?

Then you could make it to your
wedding and Kasey would never know.

That'd be a f*cking miracle —
that's what it'd be.

That's what I'm gonna do. All right?

It is number one on my
list of duties, bro.

You still there?
Yeah, I'm still f*cking here.

You tell Kasey you love her and I'll
do the rest, all right? And we'll
talk soon.

Cheers!

Anything?

You asked that before.

Why do councils bother with this?

So we can waste our life
looking through it.

If Savage and Shuker were
fly-by-night operators, there won't
be consents for any building work.

There's a body somewhere,
down some gully, under some
driveway.

What are you doing tomorrow, Piglet?

Don't know. Same old.

Would you like to come
to a wedding with me?

[ You have been invited, surely?

Munter's? Yeah, but—

I won't go if you don't.

That's emotional blackmail
if ever I heard it.

No bloody way.

What have you got, Trotsky?

Oh, baby, I can't
wait till tomorrow.

Y-Yeah, me too.

Hey, oh, I better get going, eh.

I love you, baby.

Yeah, I love you too.
Bye.

Sorry, ladies. Last load.

Mm, he's being helpful,
isn't he? Wonder why (!)

Oh, stop it.

Well, if you don't want him,
I'll have him. I'm not proud.

It's for Kasey. She's a workmate.

Yeah, whatever you say (!)

You have both been so amazing.

And I am the happiest that I have
ever been, and yet I still have this
feeling of dread and doom.

Kase, put a f*ckin' smile on it.

No one ever wanted to marry me.

Munter was so happy on the phone.
Something has got to go wrong.

Get some rest.

You haven't lived in the shadow
of the Bahama triangle.

I feel like I have.

Can you take her home?
Yeah. Come on, doll.

Oh God, I love you guys so much.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Kase, Munts loves you; you love him.
Just trust that. It's all gonna work
out.

Oh God, you think so?

Yeah, look, come on, love.

OK, we'll see you at o'clock?

Yep.
Put our faces on.

And don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Did I miss something?
Yeah — Rochelle's rich fantasy
life. Do you want a drink?

Yeah.

Hey, I really wanna thank you for
what you've been doing with Loretta.
You know, you didn't have to.

Well, I have my reasons —
personal reasons.

Um... You know, I really like you,
and I really appreciate ev—

Before this gets
embarrassing, Cheryl,...

there's some stuff
I should have told you.

What stuff?

About you and me, family. Mine
weren't the best you see, my parents
— adopted parents.

Did you find it?

One copy of one birth certificate
of one Gary Arnold Savage.

But after this, you have to make me
a promise that we do not talk about
him ever again.

Except that's gonna be difficult
after you see this.

So when I was ,
I thought, 'Bugger it.

'I'll find my birth parents.' Turned
out they weren't too far away.

Only got to meet my birth mother the
once. Told me to f*ck off — didn't
wanna know me.

SOFTLY: sh*t.

sh*t, you're Rita's kid.

Demon spawn. That's me.

Why didn't you say?

I was under firm instructions to
stay the f*ck away from this family.

Did Rita tell you that?

My brother, actually. Half brother.

f*cking Wolf.

So, you were born... ?
' .

Right, right, cos Ted went
inside then. Rita rigged it.

She was a scheming bitch, all right.

You haven't exactly been
forthcoming yourself.

Do you think I want to be told
to stay the f*ck away yet again?

I was gonna get to know my
family on my terms, my way.

Right.

I'm not gonna pretend
I wasn't angry.

But meeting you...

made a difference.

Big one.

Wow. You know what? I'm a pretty
messed-up unit myself.

Bullshit.

You know what, Gary?

I think you should go home.

Is that another kiss-off?
No, no. It's a 'go home'.
Big day tomorrow.

I only want what's
best for this family.

That's all.

Happy C says she's been doing my
moves, and they've really made a
lift to her day.

God, I wish I'd never started this.

But I am so grateful.

And you've totally given me back all
my self-esteem, even if you are...

What?

If you are gonna sell your baby,
that's, like, off-the-scale wrong.

It's just compensation
for the pregnancy.

Pascalle, can you just let
me out, even for a minute?

I let you have curry, even though
it has been in the fridge for days,

and if you need to do
a waz, I won't look.

f*ck this is degrading.

COMPUTER CHIMES

Ooh, it's Travis again.

He is really worried that someone
else is going to snap me up,

and he wants my bank
account details.
Really?

Mm-hm. He wants to transfer me the
money so that I can get my airfares,
first class.

He's also got a friend
who's a Nigerian prince (!)

No, it doesn't say that.
It's a scam to get
your bank account.

Dumb scam. I've only
got, like, $ in there.

Pascalle, I really
need to go to sleep.

OK.

What are you doing?

We're having sleepovers.

Mum says you might jump out the
window. I told her you're too fat.

KNOCK AT DOOR

You girls all right?

Mm-hm. We're having a great time.

Mm, loving every minute (!)

OK. Night.

Nighty-night, Mum.

You devious old bitch.

Hey, Ted. Bit of a late one?

I think it was worth it.
Where'd you find that?

Oh, it just turned up.

Nice one of Rita.

What?

(CHUCKLES) Jesus. Nothing, old man.

ROCK MUSIC BLARES

(CHUCKLES)

The f*ck do you want?

Uh, the thing about your truck.

Yeah, it was, uh,...
kind of a misunderstanding.

No, it wasn't. Your
mate f*cking took it.

Yeah, but he only did that
because he's getting married.

Piss off, Van.

Look, the thing is, if this keeps
going, he can't get married.

Boohoo (!) What is it to me?

Well, if you said Munt's prints
were in your truck for a reason—

Oh, you think I'd let him inside?

Not normally, obviously, but
you could have towed his van.

No, I'd be driving right past,
honking the horn, going, 'Stuff
you, hori!' (CHUCKLES)

But if you didn't...
Well, that'll be the day
iguanas fly out of my butt.

Aaron.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Look, Aaron, this is serious, OK?

So I would make this seriously
worth your while, all right?

Oh, come on, man. I'm responsible
for this wedding and for my mate,

and my family's gonna be there, and
there's heaps of booze and food and—

What, your family's gonna be there?

Yeah, the party's
at our place, but...

Where are they getting married?

A church — a choice one —

but I'm not saying where.

Much piss?
The usual.

I wouldn't know. I've never
been invited to a wedding.

Well, you could come to this one.

Oh, Van West, eh? Inviting
me to a West wedding. (CHUCKLES)

For sure. But you have to—

Man who saved the wedding — he would
have to be the guest of honour.

Yep, but you'd have to go to the
cops, talk to them, tell them that
Munt's prints were in the truck—

Whoa, whoa, whoa. OK, back up the
Holden here. We've got a bit to talk
about, and, um — another drink —

the guest of honour,
he might have a few conditions.

No f*ckin' way.

Everything all right here?
It's great.

No, it's not.

DOOR OPENS

What now?
Make yourself presentable.
Pascalle will take you.

In manacles?
Listen, I didn't wanna
have to do this.

I know. I'm not gonna do anything.

You got me. Game over.

You get more like her every day.

Who?
Bloody Rita.

OK. Can I have breakfast
in Guantanamo Bay?

PASCALLE: Munter's
arse is my problem? ]

VAN: Yep.
What? Where is he?

Uh, it's cool. He should
be here any minute.

OK.

You watch her at all times.

You see? I have duties.

See ya later. Make sure
Munter's not late.

Yep.

You won't have any duties cos there
won't be a wedding if you don't do
this!

Going with Aaron Spiller as my date
is just ew, sick and gross.

It wouldn't be a real date, OK?

Except for him picking you
up and sitting with him.

And having a photo taken with him.

Ew!
But that's all I said you'd do.

You told him this already?
I had to.

You scumbag prick!

It was the only way to
save Munter's wedding!

You told me not to go
out with Aaron Spiller.

Where is Munter?
He's sweet. If you
could just do this—

I am a person poised on the brink
of international stardom.

Since when?
Travis said he'd
courier the tickets.

Who's Travis?

He's at the Sunset
Channel in Florida.

He's a sick perv who does
it with alligators.

Whatever. Pascalle.

It's for Munter.

Marry him yourself. ]

Pascalle, this is actually quite
mean and very unbecoming.

Are you saying I'm ugly?
No. All I'm saying is,

'Where's your sense of goodness —
good and beautiful over nasty and
huss?'

Aaron Spiller is the prince of huss.

But it's for Munter,

and international stars do
things for charity all the time.

OK, but no one's allowed
to see the photos.

(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY) Love you.

There's no groping and no pashing,
and she is with me at all times.

Yep.

(GRUNTS)

f*ck!
You little prick.

You knew the score about my family.

You weren't here.

Yeah? Well, I'm back now.

(GROWLS)

THE DATSUNS' 'SYSTEM OVERLOAD'

BOTH GRUNT AND GROAN

So, my man, is this cool
or is this frosty? (CHUCKLES)

Where's Munter?

So, I cruise on down to the cop shop
and I do my thing, and Hickey, man,

he gets this look on his face like
he's eating sh*t for breakfast.

Where's Munter?
He's not out yet.

Why the f*ck not?
Hickey was going on some
crap about paperwork.

What?
Do I look like a cop?

Jesus.
No.

Let me spell this out really
clearly to you, Aaron—!

Well, hello, dolly.

You were supposed to f*cking
get him out, Aaron.

I did my part of the deal.

Shall we go, lovely lady?

Fine. Let's do it.

Uh, uh, what's the story here?

She's my sister.
She's coming with us.

There's no room.

It's OK. I'll go with Grandpa.

Look, just go, all right? Act
normal, don't say anything to Mum.

Grandpa!
[ GRANDPA: What?

Loretta's going with you.

I'll go wait for him.

Hey, Van. How's it going?

Mm, actually, not good.

Kinda the opposite of good.

And the biggest opposite of good
is a mean prick called Hickey

who can't drop the charges against
a guy he's charging on his wedding
day!

Is this about Munter?

Yep.

Hurry it up, old man.

Did you check out that driveway?
Not now.

I thought you wanted
to get the bastard.

Other priorities.

I've got it, Wayne.
Great. Let it go.

I'll meet you there.
What's going on?

I'll tell you in the car.

DOOR CLOSES

(SIGHS)

See them?
Maybe they're inside.

The power of love.
The power of love.

Ooh, look — there's Gary.

Did you have fun
with him last night?

(SCOFFS) Could say that.

Maybe we should go
round the block again.

Look — it's Van.
Mm. Where's Munter?

He'll be here. Hey, can we go round
the block one more time, please?

Holy schmoley.
What? Is there a problem?

No. But let's just go round the
block again one more time for fun.

Go!

Hickey, let the man go.
I don't have to.

You've got no reason to hold
him. Don't be a d*ck.

I'm not a d*ck.

No, you're a shrivelled excuse
for a weasel's whizzer. You're
a poxy piece of...

You want a complaint laid? I'm happy
to lay it and I got nothing to lose.

You lost it. Doesn't mean I have to.

Christ, Hickey. This is about more
than stupid pride. It's about love —
ever hear about that?

It's the man's wedding. Let him go.

Pascalle West?

S-Sure.

(GASPS)

Oh, bugger. (GROANS)

f*cking curry.

WATER TRICKLES

Oh God.

Uh, hey, everyone. Um, won't be
long now, all right, and, uh,...
surprise.

Oh, f*cking upstager.

Bloody hell. Wolfgang.

Gidday, mate.
Oh, man. (LAUGHS)

You come in here, I'll tear
your arse cheek from cheek.

No, it's OK, Falani. He's invited.

Are you mad?
Daddy.

Oh, hello, gorgeous.

Are you all right?

Yeah, good as gold.

Who's that?
Mr West in the house. The man.

Legend.

Why don't you and your 'friend'
come and sit with us?

Good to see you.
Where's Jared — Mr Munter?

He's running a little late.

Giving the bride a run
for her money, eh?

Yeah.

Let's just go through the battle
plan. It's introduction, then
reading.

Yep, uh, Rochelle is
doing The Prophet.

Can't have that one too
many times. Then vows.

Yep.
And then rings.

Yep.
(PATS LEGS)

Holy f*ck.

Do I look OK?
Freakin' gorgeous.

Oi! What's going on?

Oh, just a little hitch.
Small one — about so small.

You lost the rings!
Where's Munter?

He's inside, just waiting,
hanging, looking smooth.

How the f*ck could you
forget the rings?!

Look, I'll be back in .

It's all under control.

Power of love. Power of love.
Power of love. Power of love.

TYRES SCREECH

Under control, under...

[ LORETTA GROANS

[ LORETTA GROANS LOUDER

What the f*ck?

[ LORETTA PANTS

PAINED GROANING

Oh.

f*ck.

(GASPS) I thought it was
the curry. (GROANS LOUDLY)

What kind of idiot
forgets the rings?

Munter's not there. I know he isn't.

'Course he is.
It's all gone wrong.

Or he's changed his mind.
Kase, this is bullshit.

It's not bullshit, Cheryl.
I can feel it.

OK, I'll go and see, then.

Oh, no, I can do it.

Well, so can I.

ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS

How are we going?

Well, you know, keen to get
started... once we have a quorum.

Hey, folks.
APPLAUSE, CHEERING

Good to see you, Munter.

Hey, Mrs West. Where's Van?

Um, he's-he's getting the rings.

CELLPHONE RINGS

It's him. Yeah, hey, Van.
I'm here at the church.

Awesome, bro.
(GROANS)

And, uh, I got the rings, but I
can't get them back to you right
now.

Van, are you somewhere
with some cows?

What? No sh*t.

OK. Right. You stay there, brother.

Van can't come.
What?

Loretta's having her baby.
Where?

With Van, at home.
sh*t. Bloody hell.

What the f*ck?

Despite the shortfall in the ring
department, we can still go ahead.

Want a ring? I've got a spare.

I've got one I don't need.

Choice, you two.

Need a lift?
Yeah, thanks.

Don't you f*cking dare!

Exciting. Any thoughts
on a sub for best man?

Loretta.

Loretta?

Shh.

Shh.

Oh.

Is she all right?

Yeah, yeah, she's good.

Got a real strong grip, eh.

No, I mean Loretta.

She's fine. She's in
there with the midwife.

But I was on to it. Don't worry.

Yeah, Loretta freaked out a bit,
but I was real calm, eh.

(SHRIEKS)

Is it there?

This is the weirdest thing
in the history of weird.

Is it there?!

(WHIMPERS)

It's red and it's hairy
and it's not a poo.

(GROANS)
Don't do that! It's coming out.

(SCREAMS)
BABY CRIES

sh*t.

It's got sticky stuff all over it.

BABY CRIES

Then this big piece of
liver came flying out.

It's called a placenta, Van.

You can call it what you want.
I call it a big f*cking plateful
of liver. (CHUCKLES)

She scrubs up pretty good, eh?

Here.

MELLOW MUSIC

Oh my God.

Look at you.

Look at you.

(EXHALES)

I give you this ring as a sign of my
love, and because you totally rock
my world.

I give you this ring as a sign of
my all-time love, and because you
totally rock my world.

There we have it. Another great
joint venture. You may kiss the
bride.

APPLAUSE

Haven't you been a busy girl?

You may not want to be a girl,...
but you've proved it.

BABY CRIES ]

She needs a feed.

Women's business.

Aw. Come on. Sit up.

Haven't I been enough of a mammal?

The first bit's important —
immunity and all that.

Another pillow.
Can't we use formula?

You don't have to do it forever.
It's like riding a bike.

You never rode a f*cking bike.

Come on, take her.
What?

Arms up. That's it.

Turn it. Good.

Mum.

All right. Come on. Big wide mouth,

otherwise they rip your tits to
buggery. Come on, sweetheart.

Oh my God, she's doing it.

Yeah. She's a natural.

So are you.

Hm. I love you, baby —
both my babies.

APPLAUSE, CHEERING

Thank you, all.

You've got a bloody nerve.

I got an invite.
Oh, and I had a visit.

Grandpa, Jethro and your
ex-boyfriend. Bit of an odd
combo, that.

Yeah, and why would they do that?

Seems they have a problem
with the company you keep.

What about the secrets
you've been keeping?

He told you, did he?

Yep. About bloody time.

Before you bugger off,
we should talk about a divorce.

Who said anything
about buggering off?

AARON: Mr West, looking sharp.

Ya had that coming.

Can I get you a sausage, Ted?

Think you know about me? I know more
about you. I've got the dirt on you,
slippery Jim.

Leon Shuker ring any bells? Or
that driveway you put in at Kumeu,
remember?!

What's going on, old man?
I don't talk to you no more!

Take a hike while you can, or
you'll be away a very long time!

Get your hands off me.

What the f*ck are
you going on about?

Wow. That old guy is really
something, isn't he?

And what's that to you?

I should introduce myself. I'm
Sheree. It's just so great to meet
you, finally.

I've heard so much about everyone.

Well, guess what — we've
heard f*ck all about you.

(SCOFFS) Wow. Bitch.

You weren't doing anything.
What have you got?

A lead on the last place they
worked, Savage and Shuker,

about the same time Shuker
disappeared. A bit more digging,
we'll strike gold.

You might strike nothing.

How would you know?
I don't.

I'll nail that bastard!

There's something you need to know
about 'that bastard'. Sit down,
would ya?

Is it a long one?

(SIGHS) This goes back to the
Smith + Caughey cock-up.

What about it?
You remember Mum took
me away around then?

To stay with Pat up at Opononi? She
hadn't been well — women's problems.

Pat was fine. It was Mum that
had the women's problems.

She was pregnant.
Piss off.

She knew she couldn't pass it off as
yours because you'd been away down
in Reefton.

No. No way!

Dad, it's true.
I know it. Mum had a kid.

A bastard kid.

Dad, the kid was Gary.

Say cheese.

That is totally enough.

Pascalle, this was upstairs.
Oh my God.

Ooh, that's better. Big smile.

BOTTLE CLINKS

OK, fullas, listen up.

Uh, I'm gonna do the speech
now, cos I'm the best man.

CHEERING

Uh, you know that.

Uh, yeah, so... being the best man
is... It's a big responsibility,

and, um, there's things that
you've gotta say, like, oh, like,
the bridesmaids are spunky,...

CHEERING

...cos they are. Yep, even
though one of them's my mum.

LAUGHTER
But she's pretty spunky too, eh?

CHEERING

Oh, and, Rochelle, she's also in
pretty good nick for her age, and
she's really available.

Hey!
Kasey told me to say that.

LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH

You!

Uh, today's been awesome, eh?
And even though I missed the
actual thing,

I reckon, uh, Munter'll
let me off the hook, eh?

f*ck yeah, bro.

CHUCKLES: Yeah.
Che, brother. Um...

Cos, the thing is, um,...

love, it's bigger than, like, fancy
dresses and booze, eh. It's like a
miracle,

and, um,... if you got that miracle,
like Kasey and Munts, then you've
got to hold on to it, eh,

like anything.
WOMAN: Yeah.

And, uh, the other thing is that,
uh, I got to live that miracle
today, so, uh,

I say big ups to all you chicks
out there, eh, cos having a baby
is really natural and all that,

but it's gotta f*cking hurt, eh?

LAUGHTER
Cos... it's too small and big.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

So welcome to the
family, little girl.

Yeah!
CHEERING

Yeah. Yeah, uh...

Hoo. Um, I'm just, um... I'm just
f*cking glad to be here, eh, for
all this.

For my best mate and his best girl,
who's gotta know by now — Kasey,
there is no Bahama triangle, OK?

LAUGHTER

Yeah. So, um, all right, all you
fullas charge your glasses,

and, um...
(COUGHS) Van. (COUGHS)

Uh, I'm doing the toast, numbnuts.

Oh... Yeah, um... All this, uh,
wouldn't have been possible without
the help from a couple of people,

especially Aaron Spiller.

Yeah, put your hands
together. (CHUCKLES)

Yep. So, um,... to Kasey and Munts!

CHEERING

We love you guys!

CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Let's get f*cked up!

MAN: Ye-hoo!

THE MOCKERS' 'FOREVER
TUESDAY MORNING' PLAYS

(LAUGHS)

♪ Don't walk away from me.

I'll pick stuff up in the morning.

Thanks, love.

So, he's back?
Yeah, looks that way.

And Uncle Gary.

America, huh?

Uh-huh, and they're gonna make a
series out of my videos, and it's
all totally true.

Well, it didn't happen overnight...

...but it did happen.

Aw, Daddy.

So, I hear you're available.

I also have a toddler, two dogs
and I live with my mother.
Right.

♪ ...the guts to go away.

♪ The world is wicked, and
I'm just to weak to ever want
to pray for the best... ♪

(LAUGHS) Van, you rock.
You totally rock.

And you're shagging my dad.

I sure am, but you still rock.

BOTH LAUGH

♪ Without you, my life's gonna
be forever Tuesday morning.

♪ Without you, my
life's gonna be... ♪

Hey.
Hi.

What'd you do for Munter?

It was just a small technical issue.

You off?

Yeah, well, there's a few too
many pricks at this wedding.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

How's Loretta?

She's, um...

She's good enough.

Congratulations, by the way,...

on being a granny.

(CHUCKLES)

A way-hot granny.

DISTANT CHEERING ]

♪ There, I knew
you once, didn't I?

♪ Love, hide me away, deep in
this town and canopy of snow.

♪ Go spin me around under
the folding branches.

♪ Now is not too late.

♪ Heaven can wait
another year or so.

♪ For I loved you once, didn't I?

♪ There I loved you
once, didn't I? ♪

(SOBS)

(SHUSHES)

Well, hello.

Hey. I'm glad it worked out.

Good that someone was looking
after things around here.

SLURRED: What about me?

You did good.

We all did good.

Family.

Back in business.

Aren't we?

Whatever you say, brother.

Blood's always thicker.

Don't you reckon?