04x07 - What Is a Man?

[bunniefuu]

Thank you, Van. You don't judge
me like some of your family do.

What are you doing here? I thought
I said I didn't want to see you.

I know I'm needed.

Not here, you're not.

You and Dad, you're cool.

And that's why he prefers
hanging out with his ex.

You're a way hotter version of Mum.

You are kicking me out?
First Jethro and now me, is it?

This is about what's right.

God, I so hate this.

You deserve to put your
feet up once in a while.

You shouldn't have.
I didn't.

You are a bloody hero.

I suppose a shag's
out of the question?

Ask me tomorrow.

CHEERING

OK. Last round.

Careful. I love you.

Don't you f*cking embarrass me.

Come on, Lloyd.

Look at him. He's tired. He's tired!

BELL DINGS
Fight!

CHEERING

(GRUNTS)

Oh no, I can't watch!

Go, Lloyd!

(GRUNTS)
MEN JEER

Oh, what's happened?!
He got him a good one.

Oh, go, Lloyd!
No, the other guy
got him a good one.

Can anyone have a go? I'd be
keen to pummel a bank manager.

That's it. Come on,
boy. Concentrate!

Break, break, break, break!

Yes! Go, Lloyd!

Should take a photo.
It'd last longer.

I'm gonna get a beer.

Fight!

Go, Lloyd! k*ll! k*ll! k*ll!

Kase, calm down.

Come on, Lloyd. Concentrate!
What's happening?

Well, you could tell
if you opened your eyes.

Oh my God, I finally get a decent
guy, and he's gonna lose all his
teeth!

Under! Go under!

BOTH GRUNT

CROWD CHEERS, BELL DINGS

Whoo-hoo!

CROWD CHANTS:
Lloyd! Lloyd! Lloyd!

Ladies and gentlemen, in the battle
of the branch managers, we have a
winner. Lloyd Draper!

CROWD CHEERS

Baby! Ooh, ooh.

He's all right. He's OK.

He's a winner.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

You're a bloody champion, mate.

To Lloyd.

I couldn't have done
it without Wolf.

Uh.
Yeah, he's a great guy, isn't he?

Thanks, love. You want another?
Got legs.

I spotted them.

Hey, shall we head off?

Oh, one more, eh? It's
Lloydie's big night.

Right.
Ralph.

Beer and a rum and coke, please.

Don't worry about him now. OK, so
we've got this fence in Maughan St
tomorrow.

No, I thought it was, uh,
a letter box in McWhannell.

Oh, you mick. You double-booked us.

And what's this thing in Hotere St?

Was that last week or this week?

Who?

OK, there's gotta be
an answer. (SIGHS)

All right, I'll go and take a piss.

Hey, how's that gonna help?

Well, you know, I can't
think with a full bladder.

Hey, Van.
Hey.

How is it?
Good, yeah. We're double-booked.
Maybe even triple-booked.

Really?
Mm.

That was pretty good.

I feel better.

She pashed you?
She pashed me.

Oh, that's OK, cos you
didn't pash her back.

No, 'course not.

Ah, you did. You pashed her.

What do I do? Her
tongue was in my mouth.

Oh, bro, you went into autopash.

I couldn't think, man.
I needed a piss.

It's not good, brother.
I know, cos she's my dad's missus.

Plus, it's against the code.
Pashing's not in the code.

She was a client and
your dad's missus.

The code is no rooting
and no blow jobs.

Do you think your old man would
care? If he found out, you'd be
in trouble.

That's why we've got the
code in the first place.

I didn't break it.
Well, I think you broke the code.

Sheree broke the f*cking code!

How could Sheree break the code
if she doesn't know about the code?

f*ck.

Stay away from her, man.

I know. I don't want her pashing me
up every time she feels like it.

Yeah, cos that ain't right.

No.

Talk to Cheryl last night?

Yep, we chatted.

How is it?
Good. You?

Good.

That's it?
Does it matter?

I should've got that Lloyd Draper
to knock some bloody sense into you.

Eh?

You should've been banging her in
the toilets. You don't do something,
my son will get his hooks back in.

Yeah, thanks for that, Ted.

You apricot blouse.

Admit it. You want her back.

I don't have to admit anything.

I know who you'll be thinking about
over your hand shandy tonight.
My what?

When you're banging the bishop,
wrestling the eel, jerking the
johnson, whacking off.

Oh, for f*ck's sake, Ted.

You do do it, don't you?

No. Piss off.

How long since you had
a bloody good tug?

I don't wanna talk about this.

How long?

Bugger off.

All right. I will.

Good.

Thank Christ for that.

Yep, this is it, bro. McWhannell.

I thought they wanted us
to put a new letter box in?

Maybe they don't like that one.

Looks good to me, man.

The customer's always right. I'll
get a new one. You deal to that one.

OK.

(WHISTLES CHEERFULLY)

ROCK MUSIC

Oi, stop! Bro!
What?

That— That is the new, um,...
the new letter box.

Well, I thought they wanted
us to put the new one in?

It wasn't in till yesterday.

Well, how'd it get there?
Someone else did it.

Who did it?
Rob.

Why'd Rob do it?

We didn't turn up. The lady
left four messages.

Well, I didn't get any messages.

Have you been checking them?

I lost the PIN number.

Oh, bro, we just lost a job.

Hey, she'll probably want us to
fix this one. Look at it — f*cked.

LAUGHS: Yeah, obviously Rob
doesn't do a very good job, eh?

Yeah.
Anyway, we're late. Maughan St,
new fence. Come on.

Guess what, bro. Same guy.

Rob?
Yeah, from Rob's Jobs.

(LAUGHS) Jobs.

It's not funny, Van.
He is robbing our jobs.

Yeah, true.

Well, there's only
one thing to do, mate.

He's outta line, this Rob.

Uh-huh. And what a
stink name, Rob's Jobs.

Nah, it's a sh*t name, bro.
Get it? A sh*t name. Jobs?

BOTH LAUGH

Robbie's Jobbies.
BOTH LAUGH

This is coming from the Tool Guys?

Well, what's wrong with that? Huh?

We're guys. We've got tools.

And nothing to do with them, cos
someone keeps taking all your work.

Yeah, that's not on. ]

We gotta deal to this prick, man.

Yeah, send him a message —
'Stay off our turf.'

That's what we'll tell him.
Yeah, come on.

Except we don't have
his phone number.

Oh, stink.

I cannot believe that you two can
run your own business. Or even wipe
your own arses every morning.

We got heaps of work
till Rob came along.

Maybe he's following us.

Industrial espionage.

Or maybe people get sick of waiting
for you guys and hire someone else.

VAN AND MUNTER LAUGH

Tradesmen are never supposed to
turn up when they say so. It's
a strategy.

Mm-hm.
To lose jobs?

No, cos if you're not busy, it means
you're sh*t. And we're not sh*t, cos
we're always busy.

Oh, which is why you'd
be here right now.

We'll find this Rob. One day, bro.
CELLPHONE BEEPS

When we do find him,

tell him to take his jobs, stick
them up his arsehole till it bleeds,
and then f*ck off.

You could start at Shane Cotton
Place. He'll be working there all
day.

How'd you do that?

I looked on this thing called the
internet, where businesses advertise
their services.

And I found that Rob has a phone,
which is also how people sometimes
get work.

So, what, you just texted him?

And he called you straight back?

Some people are so reliable.

Or maybe he's got a secretary.

Prick.

We gotta deal to him, bro.
He's playing dirty.

Yeah. Dirty like a poo.

Poos are stinky and dirty.
And smelly and—

Wow, Rob should be
so scared of you guys.

Yeah, too f*cking right, he should.

Since you and Slutty Pants called it
quits, has there been anyone else?

What does it have to do—?

Thought as much.
Ted?

We've established you haven't
polished your piece in a while.

Ted.

You've got a bad case of
critical sperm build-up.

But don't worry. I'm on to it.

Eh?

Not in a hands-on sort of way. You
can nerk your own throbber. See this
prime beaver here?

Been a good friend
to me, this issue has.

Go on. No time like the present.

Oh, and you're just gonna
sit right there, are you?

I've seen it before.

I shared a cell with Spanky
McFever a whole six months.

Ted, this is so much bullshit.

I know a frustrated
man when I see one.

You got that right.

Where are you going?

Out.

You got any tissues?

OK. Enough is enough.
I'm taking you for dinner.

What, now?

Nah, tomorrow — say, . I'll pick
you up. We'll go to the Great
Western.

Won't it be booked?
It's not. So we're going.

And then what happens?

Well, I thought we could have a
couple of drinks. Maybe some food.

They do a great steak.

They do.

We can get a few things straight.
You can apologise. We might even
skip dessert.

We head back here. I take you
to your room. I rip off all your
clothes.

Just one thing.

Mm?

That bit between the
steak and the dessert.

What was that again?

That's where we sort the sh*t.

What about the bit where you
say sorry? What about that?

I don't have anything
to say sorry for.

What about the lack of trust?

I was right about quite a lot of it,

so I don't feel that I have
the need to say sorry.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Funny.

Neither do I.

Right.

So that's a no to the
Great Western, then?

That's a thanks, but no.

Unless you want to reconsider.

Here it is.
Ooh, that is one flash van, bro.

Yeah, and how do you think he
affords that, bro? Stealing
other people's work.

Who's the chick?

Must be his secretary, man.

Huh? And she's hot.

She's getting his lunch for him.

See, Rob must be raking
it in to afford her.

f*cking prick!

ROCK MUSIC

Hey, he's got two secretaries.
Yeah.

And they're both hot.
Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Gidday.

Wassup?

Uh, we're looking for Rob.
Yeah?

Yeah.
What do you want?

Uh, Rob. Where is he?

(LAUGHS) Hi.

What do you want?

(LAUGHS) Uh, to talk
to Rob, sweetheart.

She's not very bright.

Yeah, I'm Rob.

Nah, you're not.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, I am.

Uh, Rob's a guy's name, flossie.

Not when it's short
for Robyn, with a Y.

But building's a guy's job.

Who did you say you were?

Who'd you say you were?
I'm Sam.

Sam's a guy's name.
It's short for Samantha.

That's a chick's name.
We could play this game all day.

But who are you?

We're the Tool Guys.

(LAUGHS) Phwoah (!)

Yeah, we've heard about you.

You guys have got quite a rep.
Yeah?

Yeah, for never turning up.

Anyway, it was really nice to meet
you, but smoko's about over, so if
you wouldn't mind leaving us to it.

'WANT YOU BAD' BY THE
ROCK AND ROLL MACHINE

♪ You look at me, make me weak.

♪ Make me shake,
make me skip a b*at.

♪ You look at me.
It's hard to breathe.

♪ You make me shake.
You make me oh-so weak.

♪ I want you, want you oh-so bad.

♪ I want you,
want you oh-so bad. ♪

Rob's a chick.

A f*cking chick.
And there's two of them.

Did you see her on that saw?
How'd she learn to use that?

Huh. If our jobs were stolen by
guys, I could deal with that.
We could smack them.

But we can't smack a chick.
So what are we meant to do?

You could try getting off your sorry
arses and going to your next job
before you lose that as well.

Good plan. Yeah.
What's the next job, bro?

I'll check the diary.

Here, bro.
Oh, sweet.

(GROANS)

OK, what day is it?

Uh, Wednesday, still.

Good old Wednesday.

Here's one — Wednesday,
Woollaston St, f*cked guttering.

We done that one, bro.
When?

A few months back. Remember
that lady gave us a tip?

Oh yep.

Oh, sweet.
Job?

Nah, bro, a cheque from
a job a few months ago.

Ha!
And you haven't banked it yet?

Uh, here's one, here's one —
Darragh St, o'clock today.

Only half hour late, bro.
Sweet.

Ring them.

Why?

To tell them you've been held up at
another job, but you're on your way.

We've got no credit.

So useless.

You're good at this.
Mm.

Yeah, gidday. It's Munter here from
the Tool Guys. I'm just ringing to
inform you that we will—

Eh?

Yeah, can I ask the
name of the operation?

Yeah, OK. Thanks, mate.

She robbed us again?

Get this — she gives quotes.

She gives quotes?

Do you guys not give quotes?

Well, we give estimates.

You give a quote, you've
got to stick to it.

Quotes. Sly b*tches.

I wonder what Cheryl's doing.

Why don't you go and ask her?

I'm sure she'd rather see you.

I went round and saw
her this morning.

Finally.
Did you give her one?

No. We have things to talk
about in our relationship.

And believe it or not, there's
more to life than shagging.

Jesus, you have got it bad.

Critical sperm build-up
can do terrible things.

Aggression. Behaving like a pansy.
I saw a lot of it in the can.
Back off, Ted.

I could pick up films. Do you have
a preference? Girl on girl? Front
door? Back door?

I said back off, Ted.

I think I might flag that coffee.

These slappers are
stealing your work?

Kasey, they give quotes.

Who the hell do they think they are?

They've got a flash van too.

They need a good slap.

But we can't slap them,
cos they're chicks.

No, but I can. I can take them both
at the same f*cking time. They might
be butch lezzies, but I can do it

Are they lezzies?

I don't think they're lezzies.

They're builders, Munt.

Chicks who build are dykes, just
like chicks who play cricket or
grow underarm hair.

They don't look like lesbians.

They're lezzies, Van.
They're kinda hot.

Yeah.

Kinda.

I'll take them.
Nah, man.

Well, OK, you got a better idea?

Well, we could talk to them.
Talk to who?

The d*ke builders.

Yeah, I could go up to them and I'll
go, 'Hey, you guys. We were here
first, so f*ck off.'

You know? But nicer,
because they're chicks.

Great idea, bro.
Yep.

Except we don't know where they are.
Ah, sh*t.

You could come to my
office tomorrow morning.

Eh?
They're putting up some shelves.

What?
You hired them and not us?

Well, they gave me a quote,

and it was really reasonable.

Oh.

Judas!
Yeah, Judas, and you're a traitor.

Lezzo.

They stick together, you see.

You getting it somewhere
else these days?

What are you on about?

Have you got yourself one
of those buzzing machines?

Pardon?

I'm just trying to figure out why
you're still holding out on Porky.

None of your business.

Say sorry and get on with
it before something bursts.

I've got nothing to say
sorry to Wayne for.

You will be when he's one teste down
because the build-up made it drop
off.

Are you letting that
other bastard back in?

What the f*ck are you on about now?

You know exactly who I mean.

I saw him eyeballing
you at the boxing.

Oh, you mean your son?

My former son.

I'm not interested in Wayne or Wolf.
And I'm not interested in your
f*cking opinions.

So that's your last word, is it?

Yep.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Time for a new approach. Forget
Cheryl and find another bird.

Ted, it's too early
for this sort of sh*t.

You're not a bad-looking bloke, and
a lot of ladies like a touch of the
tar brush.

[ So I think we could
find you someone.

Sure, Ted.

Good. Agreed, then.

KNOCK AT DOOR
Hi.

Mm. We're here for
the builder b*tches.

Mm, and you're about
three hours too late.

How'd they do that so fast?

Because they started at ..
In the morning?

It's when most
tradespeople do start.

Man, did you tell them
we want to talk to them?

And admit to knowing you?

Workmanship's not too bad. Or
the workwomanship. Oh, whatever!

Great (!) How do we
find them now, dork?

You could go to the
Rusty Nail at o'clock.

I told them I'd buy them lunch to
say thanks for doing great job.

How come no one buys us
lunch when we do a job?

Bro, the point is we know
where they're gonna be.

We should head there now
so we're there on time.

What about the job in Te Atatu?

Nah, we don't wanna miss
them again. Let's go.

OK.

Bye.

OK so we lay it out, right?

Reasonable, but firm.

And then they should piss off.

That's the plan.
Nachos?

Yeah, that'd be good.

Hey, it's them.

And they're early.

How come they keep doing that?

Cool. Like lots of ice.

Yep.

Oi, you. Jobbie girls.

Oh great (!) It's the tools.

Yeah, um, we just wanna
talk to you about the code.

Building Code?

No, actually, another code where
handymen don't steal other
handymen's jobs. Right?

Or handywomen.
We don't.

Yeah?
Yeah.

OK, cool. So no one steals any more
of anyone's work, and we're all
sweet.

We don't steal. We answer the phone,
give quotes, take jobs that we're
offered.

Yeah, cos you're too bloody slack.

That's our work you're taking.

No. May the best man win.

Then that would be us, because
you're not men. You're lezzos.

(LAUGHS)

What did you say?
You heard. Carpet-muncher.

All right, back off, toolhead.

Hey, you can't shove me.
Oh, why not?

Even though you're lezzos, you're
still a chick. I don't shove chicks.
That's another code I got.

You should spend less time making
up codes and more time working.

Maybe you should shut the f*ck up.

Maybe you should sit on this!

Hey.

Come on, cool it.

Requesting permission to amend
the code on smacking chicks, bro.

I don't think that's a good idea,
and we've gotta be a little bit—

Hey, skanky bitch d*ke.

Fuckstick.
Come on, guys!

Mingebag.
Cool it!

All right, calling time here. Sorry,
we're gonna have to skip lunch.

f*ck you!

b*tches!

What the f*ck?

Wow. Top work, guys (!)
Great negotiation (!)

What were we supposed to do? Those
mingers will put us out of business.

Yeah, they probably will.

We don't need your sh*t right now.

What you need is someone
who knows what's going on.

Someone who knows what day it is.

Yeah, we know that.
Yep. Wednesday.

Well, nice work. No, I'm talking
messaging, schedules, invoicing,
banking.

You mean you?
Well, it's certainly not you.

You'd just rip us off.

No, I wouldn't. I would pay you a
fair wage and I will even throw
in lunch.

Nachos?
[ It could work well.

The Tool Guys can be a sister
business to my cleaning company.

Look, we're not a sister anything.

And you can't buy us
with lesbian leftovers.

They didn't touch them, Munt.

Fine. I'll take them all, then.

Yum.

Oi. They were good nachos.

Look, man. We got a whole firm, bro.

We're the Tool Guys, bro, and
nowhere in that does it mention
chicks.

We'll work this out ourselves.

KNOCK AT DOOR
Gidday.

Hi. Grandpa said you
needed me for something.

No.

Well, he said it was an important
health problem, and you might need
a hand.

Jesus Christ.

Is something wrong?
No, no. Nothing.

Well, what was that thing
you needed help with?

It's nothing I can't handle myself.

I mean, you know, thanks
anyway, but we're good.

I have heaps of experience helping
older men with their health
issues.

Yeah, but don't worry. It's just a
misunderstanding, and I'll... and
I'll clear it up.

You'd pimp out your granddaughter?

It was no such thing. You weren't
gonna pay for it. Hardly pimping—

She's Cheryl's daughter!

It'd hit Slutty Pants where it
hurts. Younger, more attractive.

And she's a widow.
They're always gagging for it.

I'm gonna forget that
this ever happened.

Fair enough. Always other options. ]

I don't want other bloody options.

Righty-oh. We'll leave it for now.

Plan A is an amendment to the code
that allows the smacking of chicks.

But only if they're lezzo builders.

Man, I don't know.

Bro, you want these chicks
to take advantage of us?

Hey, Van. Munts.

Don't go there, man.

Just ordered you guys some beers.

OK, so what do I do now?

Um, go and get the beers, but come
straight back, OK? You gotta come
straight back, OK?

And remember the code.

The code.
Yep.

(SIGHS)

Good luck.
Yeah.

Hey. Oh.
Choice. Thank you.

Hey, I'm a bit embarrassed about
the other night. Are we OK?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sweet as.

Uh, how's the house going?

Yeah, all right. But Wolf's busy,
so I'm there on my own.

Oh, that's no good.
Mm. You could come by
and visit if you wanted —

later.

Um...

Later?

No, I think, um,... we—

CELLPHONE RINGS

Oh sh*t. I better get that, cos, uh,
we're working. Hey, thanks for the
beers.

OK.
Choice.

f*ck.

Yep.

Rob here. I got your number
from Loretta.

OK.

Yeah, no, uh, that sounds good.

Um...

Let me, uh, give you a call back
later about that, OK? Sweet. All
right. Yep.

Who was that?
Oh, just ringing about a job, eh.

Oh, that's good,
cos I got a plan B, OK?

We get out there, do what we're good
at, and forget about those b*tches.

Sweet.

Yeah.

ALL LAUGH

Excuse me, ladies.

I've fixed your worries.

My only worry is a sick old bugger—

That's Nancy and Joyce

and, uh, can't remember the name
of the larger one, and Diane.

Best bit is they're
all gagging for it.

Where did they come from?

Put a few posters up down the TAB.

Jeez, you did what?

Flaming well worked.
You're spoiled for choice.

Oh, I oughta knock
your f*ckin' block off.

Oh, you won't feel that way after
you've had your end away with Diane.
She'd be my pick.

Yeah, well, they're all yours.

Hey, you're not going already?

Yes, actually, I am.

Hey, hold on. Don't be so hasty.

If I don't meet him,
I want my money back.

You took money?!
Yeah, bucks.

And I bought him two drinks. It's
a rip-off. Give us our money back.

You got a gawp. That's worth .

I want my dosh back now!

Bugger off!

Jesus! Get outta here!

Get him, the bloody robber!

Hey, everybody, just calm down!

Muff-tease.

Oh, f*ckin' hell.

I thought we should get together to
talk it out without the other guys.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, Sam's great but...

Yeah, Munts too.

I'm kind of the one who runs things.

Oh yeah, me too. (CHUCKLES)

Beer?
Uh, yeah. Choice.

Hey, do you like fish and chips?

Yep.

(CHUCKLES)

Awesome.

(CHUCKLES)

Actually, before we get started...

Spliff?

It's all a bit of
a misunderstanding.

Which is how you came
to as*ault that lady?

She was the one doing the damage.
Right.

This isn't the kind of thing that
would be helped by laying charges.

'Don't do paperwork if you don't
have to.' Didn't you say that?

You don't recognise me, do you?

Uh,... Chloe?

Zoe.

I was a new PC when you were DS.

Oh, Zoe. Right. Sorry.
A bit distracted.

Yeah.
So, uh, you made detective?
Good on you.

And I don't see any need
to charge Mr West, either.

Thank you very much, Officer.

You could always
buy me a drink later.

You can say no.

No. No, I mean yes.

Yeah, I mean yes.
That's good. Thanks.

You're back on that horse, my boy.

It's a drink with
a former colleague.

You'll toddle off back to her place—

It's just a drink. That's all.

I know women. Most of them want the
same thing — a bloody good rogering.
Want me to come along?

No, thanks. You've done
enough damage for one day.

Turned out all right in the end. If
it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have
met her.

Get it out, then.

Hey, guys.

BOTH: Hi.

(GIGGLES)

So, uh, just come round to tell
you that, uh, the little Rob
situation... sorted.

You smacked the lesbians!

No. No, I— I went round to Rob's
place and did some negotiating.

BOTH LAUGH

It's your sh*t weed.

f*ck, you got lungs like a boy.

BOTH LAUGH

What do you do with this?

You had a smoke with her?

Yeah, man. She's
a pretty cool chick.

For a lesbian.

No. No. She's not a lesbian.

(GIGGLES)

You rooted a lesbian!

Argh! No, she's not a lesbian.

But the plan was to smack them or
ignore them, not go around and root
them.

But that wasn't much of a plan, bro.

It was the plan you agreed to.

Yeah, you betrayed Munter.
No, I didn't.

You did. You went behind his
back and rooted the enemy.

No. I just got her
to agree to some stuff.

Like what?

Well, like, uh, they're gonna pass
on work to us if they haven't got
time to do it,

and, uh, they're gonna
stay off our turf.

What's our turf?

OK, well, they get, uh,... Green
Bay, French Bay, Blockhouse Bay,
uh,...

Wood Bay, Glen Eden, Oratia—

Yeah. What do we get?

Oh, nothing, really — only Ranui (!)

Ha ha! The whole of f*ckin'
Ranui is ours, bro!

What about the fact we've never done
any jobs in Ranui, Van? No one in
Ranui can afford to pay us.

No, but— but they're
gonna pass work on to us—

You believe that?!

Yeah, yeah. She was straight up.

For a lesbian. For a sneaky
lesbian. You got played, Van!

No, I sorted things out.

And what about the code, bro?

What?

The code we have about our business
and how we conduct ourselves.

Well, she's not a client.
What's this?

Baby, this is between me and Van.

Hey, don't talk to me
about the code, OK?

Just you don't talk
to me about that.

No, cos I'm not going with this.
Cos we're supposed to be partners,
and you don't say what goes.

You were aggro and calling people
lesbians when they're not.

All you wanted was a root, cos
you're all hot for a place you
can't go.

I am not.
Am too. And look where it
got us — f*ckin' Ranui.

Well, I don't go with that.

Don't go with it.

Well, then, you don't go nowhere,
cos I'm the one with the van.

Guys, don't do this.

No, this is a breach of trust,
and he can leave my house.

Hey, it's my house too.

He can still leave.

Fine. I'll go.

So, you were quite the celebrity
around the police bar for a while.

Bunch of old gossips.

Don't I know it?

Really? So, what's the goss on you?

Oh, well, this'll get them going.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh sh*t.
What?

Nothing.

We don't have to be here, Cher.

Let's, uh, grab that booth, eh,
before someone else gets it.

Get drinks.
I just got drinks.

No, get more drinks —
serious drinks.

We don't have to be here.

For God's sake,
Wayne can do what he wants.

So, you're OK with this, then?

He's a free agent.

Well, I guess, if you wanted him,
you'd have him back by now, eh?

She's very young.

Rochelle, stop staring.

Hi.
Hey.
Hey. Who's your girlfriend, then?

She's just an old colleague
from work.

Great. Have a good time.

Yeah, you too.

Old colleague, my date-hole.

Just as well you're over him, then.

Is Ranui so bad?

What do you think, Van?
I like Ranui.

Mm, except now you're a guy with
no van, no tools and no partner.

I was just trying
to make things better.

Well, no good deed goes unpunished.

But you know what you could do? You
could take over. And with the right
management...

You?

Van, you've got a really viable
business. If you just got your sh*t
together...

Yeah, but... it wouldn't be the
same without Munts, you know?

He likes plumbing. He likes fences.
It's just... we started the whole
thing together, you know, and it—

Fine. Go and kiss and make up, then.

Don't make it sound gay.

Whatever.

All right, I'll go.

Oh, except where would I find him?

See, Van, this is where a schedule
would be really useful.

We've got one.

(CHUCKLES)

Awesome (!)
Uh,... what day is it?

The day after Wednesday.

Thursday.

READS: Thursday the th —
mince and cheese pie— Imogen.

'Mince and cheese' is
part of the wrapper, Van.

Duh. (CHUCKLES)

Imogen.

WOMAN: Ohh! Yes! More!
More! More! More! More!

Dude, I'm on the job here.

Pull out! Pull out!

(GROANS)

Problem?

No.

Um... I gotta go,
so I'll see you later.

Um...

Can I get a lift?

Was she a screamer?

I wouldn't know.

We had a couple of drinks,
went home — separately.

You had a nice little filly
and you let it go?

What about your nice filly? Remember
her? Bev. She must be back from
overseas. True love and all that.

If you believe in that crap,
you get hurt.

Yep. (SIGHS) We're in the
same boat, you and me.

No, Ted, we're not.
You're right about that.

Good. Finally.

I'm not suffering from
critical build-up.

How should I know which house?
It was ages ago.

Uh, at a guess, I'd say it's the one
with Munter's van in the driveway.

Oh sh*t. He is here.

Van, what's going on?

Oh. Uh, nothing. Nah.
Bullshit.

No, no. It's just, uh, just guy
stuff. Yeah, Tool Guy stuff, not
chick stuff.

So, um, thanks for the lift,
but can you just go away?

Oh, fine. You ungrateful sh*t.

Yeah, good, but f*ck off.

OMINOUS MUSIC

PANTING AND MOANING

BOTH MOAN

Jesus Christ, man.
What are you doing?

Van!

Here. Get up.

It was a job, bro.

What about the f*ckin' code?
You said, 'No rooting, not even
pashing.'

It was Imogen. She trapped me.
How?

She'd call me, tell me to come and
fix a tap, and then it'd turn into—

So this is, like, a regular thing?

It's not every week, and every time,
I tell her it's the last time.

Bro, what about Kasey? Huh?

It's got nothing to do with Kasey.

It does! I thought you
were married and in love!

I love Kasey more than anything.

Then why are you doing this sh*t?

Well, it was outside of us,
that's all — like a job.

This isn't our job, man! Not when
we're on the job! You said that!
You said that, bro.

Jesus, man. What are
you f*ckin' doing?

f*ck. I wasn't allowed to pash
anyone, and you got all f*ckin'
pear-shaped about the Rob thing

when I was just trying to
sort sh*t out for us, man!

I feel sh*t about this.

Well, not sh*t enough
to stop doing it.

I will, man. I will.

And I don't want us to break up
over Rob and her stupid jobs, OK?

Really?
Yeah, 'course.

(SIGHS) Were you paid to do
your little jobs with Imogen?

It's not the f*ckin' point, Van.

You didn't split the cash with me.

Fair point. At least
from where I'm sitting.

sh*t.
What the hell are you doing in here?

I knew something was up, but
I had no idea it was this juicy.

So, here's my offer. I will
take over your business—

As if we f*ckin' want to.

You will work to my direction and
you will be paid fairly by me.

And in return, I will make you both
professional and profitable,

which — let's be honest — will be
an achievement in itself. So what
do you say?

She does know about
this kind of thing.

Yeah, she'll rip us off.
Yeah, probably.

So we tell her to get stuffed.

Oh, did I forget to mention that
one of my management terms would be

to not mention anything
that I heard today to Kasey?

Though I could at any time.

She does know about business.

Yep.

Guess you got a deal.
Cool.

Now you guys are my b*tches.

Joke. Joke.

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Hi.
DOOR SLAMS

If you're here to tell me about
your girlfriend, there's no—

(SQUEALS)
I don't have a girlfriend.

You don't?
Who do you think I want to be with?

(GIGGLES)

Guess I can't argue, eh?

No.

(SQUEALS)
But I thought you and Van—

There is never no me and Van, babe.

Yeah, but I don't get this.

You trade the two butch lesbians
for one mean lesbian.

Loretta has organisational skills.

Yeah, but she will try to rip
you off. You do know that?

Kasey.

You know I really
love you, eh, babe?

'Course I do.

What's up?

Nothing. I just...

Just over talking
about work, that's all.

I love you too.

Hey.
Hey.

Come in.

Uh, OK.

Um... Hey, look, I just— I just came
over to say, uh, that we don't want
Ranui, OK?

OK.
Yeah, cos, um, me and Munts,
we're actually gonna get, uh,...

we're gonna get more professional
and organised and sh*t.

Good to hear.

Yeah. So... And, um, part of being
organised and professional is, uh,
I'm not allowed to...

I'm not allowed to see you any more.

Oh.

You know...

That's a real shame, cos you and me
had some real fun the other night.

Yeah. It was choice.

Except for, um, you getting up
early for that job.

No early start tomorrow.

Yeah, no, but I kind of...
I made a deal with—

Oh sh*t. Autopash.

I've gotta, um,...

respect the deal
I made with my mate.

You do. You totally do.

From tomorrow.

(LAUGHS)

Wow. You didn't even
have to buy me a steak.

(LAUGHS)

Maybe next time.

When we get that apology
out of the way.

You go first.

I don't have anything
to apologise for.

Neither do I.

Well, a shame. Looks like
we won't be doing that again.

Shame.

But just so you know, here's
what you're gonna miss out on.

Ted.

Build-up crisis over?

You could say that.

I knew you'd thank me in the end.

Yes!