04x16 - A Sister Driven Into Desperate Terms

[bunniefuu]

ALL EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY

Is it really millions?

Nearly three, best estimate.

f*ck! Why the f*ck now?

You want to go out with my sister
for the cash? Fine. But we split it.

I am not moving on to Pascalle.

Not yet, but you will.

You're not welcome here!

Van, you don't get what is going
on here. Pascalle is in danger!

She might get rat-arsed,
but you shouldn't be here, OK?
Everyone hates you.

You hate me?

I've f*cked up, Grandpa.
I've really f*cked up.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC

CELLPHONE RINGS

ANGRILY: What?
I was thinking a few drinks
at the Rusty? My shout.

I'm in a meeting.

About what?

Um... The Best Bag Ever.

Do you need any help?

You? Why would you help anyone?

I can be helpful.

(GASPS) Oh my God.

Oh, that's really good.

Pascalle, are you—?
OK, I've gotta go.

Yummy-yum.

PHONE RINGS

What?
We haven't watched a DVD in ages.

That'd be right.
So—

I already have a date.

A date date? Not with Ngaire Munroe.

As a matter of fact,
we're discussing wedding plans.

You what?

They haven't bothered to tell you?
Uh, no, they didn't.

I was gonna get round to it.
But yep, need to go.

f*ck!

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

What's this?

I brought muffins.

You brought muffins?

I can bring muffins.

The sh*t will hit the fan if
Slutty Pants sees you here.

Cheryl will spit.

So, Grandpa.

What's going on?
Ngaire?

The woman you once called
'the Devil's period'.

I proposed, she accepted.

Why?

She won't give it up until we're
married. But after that, she'll be
all over me like a rash.

I have to drop the
kids off in the pool.

Morning, Ted.

Well, Loretta.
Loretta?

Brought muffins.

You guys are back together?
What's it to you?

No, I think it's great.

Loretta, you're not welcome here.

Grandpa, Ngaire Munroe — hello?

Shut the door on your way out.

Give me a chance, please—

He was your meeting?

Yes.

And I think you should know
that me and Nicky are a thing.

Uh, are you f*cking insane?

Loretta. No.
He will f*ck you, Pascalle!

I think he already has.

Loretta, just go!

(EXHALES)

Fine.

Christ.

We're doing this, man.

Tell her how it is.

Don't let her get to us, bro.
Nah.

Cos men don't get bitch-slapped
by a piece of p*ssy.

When the f*ck were you going to
tell me about Pascalle and Nicky?

Well, uh, I would have, but...

I knew you'd get mad.

If he hadn't been so goddamned
busy, plus exhausted.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. If I hadn't
been so shagged out, I might have—

Van. Pascalle is in danger.

What? From too much rooting?

Someone's rooting
Pascalle? That's bad.

Yeah, it is bad.
Well, I could save her. I'm there.

I don't think so.
No, with my wicked-sweet loving.

You don't touch my sister.

Look, if anyone's in
danger here, it's us.

From what?
From work.

Our workload is k*lling us, Loretta.

What's bad about you being busy?

We're too tired to make it to bed.

MELLOW ROCK

'And we've gotta get up
at the cr*ck of dawn.'

ALARM BLARES

Yesterday, we didn't
finish work till .

We missed happy hour.

Wow, a six-and-a-half-hour
workday (!)

See? Told you she wouldn't care.

Welcome to the real world. It's work
and we've got heaps — isn't that
good?

That's management.

They never care about the workers.

You're complaining about success?

No, about too much work, Loretta.

It's ruining our lives.

OK, fine. If it's
that bad, I'll fix it.

What? How?

We'll get more guys.
More Tool Guys?

To pick up the slack.

Oh! So now we're slack, are we?

I'm solving your problem!

Just like that?
Just like that!

Psst!
What the f*ck?!

Pssssst. Get it?

You little perverted piss-poor
excuse for a gnome.

I just want to tell you something.

Get the f*ck out!

Look. I'm not even looking. See?

OK, so, what I wanted to say was,
the idea about getting more Tool
Guys.

I mean, I get it. I do. I mean,
you're, like, so on to it! It's
visionary!

You slimed your way into the
women's toilets to tell me that?

Well, yeah, and, um,...

and actually, just in my opinion,
you could do with a little trim down
there.

You'd look awesome with a Brazilian.
No, no, no. Wait!

No, wait. There's more.

I smell a stinky smell
arising here, dude.

Yeah, I know. Sorry. It's those
nachos from last night, man.

No, from Loretta.

That was a thr*at, man.

Oh, you mean about new Tool Guys?

Yeah.
Nah. Won't happen, bro.

She knows there's not
enough room in the van.

No, man.

She's gonna replace
us with new guys.

But we're the originals, man.
You can't replace the originals.

She would. You know what she's like.

Yeah, true.

So, what do we do?

Get back to work
and watch our backs.

Sweet. (FARTS LOUDLY)

Oh, sh*t, man!

(LAUGHS)
Sorry.

Hi.
Oh my God. Are you stalking me?

No. I just have to say one thing.

I don't want to hear any more
of your twisted sh*t about Nicky.

I won't even mention him.

All I have to say is this —
is your bank account secure?

What?
Do not let him know your PIN number.

Nobody knows my PIN number.

Is it still your birthday?
I'm not telling you.

Pascalle, you have to change it.

Don't even pretend to care.

I know you.

And for your information,
Nicky is a really neat guy.

He's not a neat guy, Pascalle.

There you go dissing him again.

You mentioned him first,
and I care, OK? Is that so bad?

You? Care?
Yes.

No, Loretta, you don't.
You don't know how to.

Christ! Why does everyone—?

Nicky is not after my money.

He has never asked me for a cent,
he always pays for everything —
he's a gentleman.

Who is sucking you in, slowly.

If anyone wants my money, it's you.

No, I don't!
Hello? You, the bank robber?

Yeah, that's true. I robbed a bank.

Guess who helped me.

That's a lie.
Do you think I could
have done it by myself?

Pascalle, he was in on it, -.

I did it to get at Dad, but Nicky —
all he wanted was the money. Money,
money, money.

You are disturbed.

[ Pascalle, you don't know him!

ENGINE STARTS

KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Hey, beautiful.

Hello.

Check this out — Mega Muscle Magic.

It says here, 'Contains
all essential amino acids.'

[ Except there are only .

Chinese packaging — talk about
bullshit. Get this. (READS)
'Take three times daily with foot.'

[ You OK?

(SIGHS)
Loretta told me that you
helped her rob Lloyd's bank.

Is that true? ]

(EXHALES) Wow.

Well, is it?

Actually, it is. Yeah.

It's not something I'm proud of, OK?

It just... It just kinda happened.

What? You sleepwalked your way
into a bank and robbed it?

Well, it was Loretta's idea.

Wolf was in on it.

I got caught up, if you like.

No, I don't like.

Look, I had no idea it was Loretta's
twisted way of getting back at your
dad. And, well, you know the rest

I had no idea that
you were in on it.

If I could turn back
the clock, I would.

What? So you have a thing
about money? Is that it?

Ah, not particularly.

Well, why else would you rob a bank?

The thrill.

I got a kick out of it. And I know
that's f*cked up, but I swear to
you, I won't be doing it again.

Why?

Because if I did something
like that, you would leave me.

Look, I'm guessing Loretta
is not happy about us.

Yeah, she said she's worried about
me, which is... totally weird.

And she said I'm only interested
in you because you're loaded?

Yeah, she did, actually.

Oh! Sponging off a woman is about
the ugliest thing I can imagine.

You could throw your money in a big
brown bag and hiff it off a wall for
all I care, Pascalle.

Cos you are incredible
and beautiful.

And you're worth a f*ck of
a lot more to me than money.

(WHIMPERS)

What's with the beers?

We are here to discuss
the new arrangement.

She's trying to blow us
off, man — soften us up.

We're on to you.
What?

You get new Tool Guys,
then you give us the flick.

Next, you'll run the
whole thing out of China.

Why would I run a West Auckland
handyman service from China?

It happens to heaps of businesses.

Beijing is a f*ck of a long
way from Te Atatu, Munter.

Yeah, but—
What's up, my men?
You know the Gooch, eh?

Aaron, we're busy.

Yeah, I know, and we're here
for you — totally up for it.

That's super, Aaron. Anyway, as—

Why are they wearing
Tool Guys shirts?

Gee, I wonder (!)

Tool Guys, meet more Tool Guys.
Help yourselves to beers, guys.

No, no, no, no, no.
Holy sh*t.

You can't do this.

You want help, they want work.

You can't just put on a T-shirt
and become Tool Guys!

That's exactly what you guys did.

There's heaps more to it than that.

Do you want your work to be easier?

OK? Job sheets.

Wait, wait, wait — what? You guys
are gonna turn up to a job in a tow
truck?

See? It's not gonna work!

No, the Gooch here has his own ute.

And we are so up for it, you know?
Like a well-lubed p*ssy in a—
Great. ]

So, tomorrow, the new regime begins.
No one is overworked, everyone's
happy.

Awesome. This is really
happening. (CHUCKLES)

CELLPHONE RINGS

Everything OK?

Couldn't be better.

The mad bitch just called again.

I told you — it's OK.

[ She won't give up, Nicky.

I said it's OK.

Want me to deal to her?

Everyone thinks she's nuts, OK?
Let her rant all she wants.

Just one little slap?

Leave it alone.

I'd better get back to it, eh?

Sure.

It's totally f*cked up.

Nah, it's pretty straight.

No, Aaron and the Gooch, man.

Yeah, it's pretty uncool.

What the f*ck is she thinking, bro?

I dunno.

That's Loretta, eh? She's always
got a plan or something, you know?

What if she tries
to cut our pay, man?

Then we say no.

Pfft!

Ah, f*ck.

[ She's just messing
with your head, bro.

How come you're so calm about it?

I'm not. Seeing Aaron Spiller in
a Tool Guys shirt was like having
him inside my clothes.

Like a violation.

But the way I see it, they'll be so
piss-useless that they'll get fired
anyway.

You reckon?
This is Aaron Spiller, bro.
They'll be shonky and slack-arse.

Yeah, they'll be sh*t, eh?
Yeah!

But they're wearing our shirts,
and what if people start thinking
that we're sh*t too?

Do you reckon we should
go and check on them?

Yeah— We could— We gotta...

We gotta protect our brand.

Cos we're not slack.

No.

Are you sure this is the place?

READS: Replace front steps —
Bill Hammond Drive.

No sign of them.

It's a no-show, bro. Useless.

I'm gonna call Loretta. This is
a major management f*ck-up, man.

Dude.
Mm?

The steps.

No way they could have done that,
man. That's a two-day job, at least.

At least.

They must have got someone
else to do it. (LAUGHS)

That's a f*ring offence, bro.
f*ckin' little ginger balls.

Oh, OK. OK. What's going on?

Oh, hey, hombres.
Aaron, what are you doing?

Having a drink. Grab a glass.

Tool Guys don't drink on the job.

Or between jobs.

Yeah, but we're finished.
You what?

We're finished for the day.

And we knocked off the
first gig for tomorrow.

And I just wanna say, thanks
heaps for taking us on, eh?

It's awesome. Cheers.

So who helped you with the steps?

Yeah, cos steps — they're tricky.

Well, not for the Goochmeister.

What — you did them?
Yeah.

Hey, get the guys some glasses, eh?

Yeah.

He don't like to boast,
but he's super-qualified.

He did a course at Unitec, got a
certificate in applied technology.

The Gooch is a qualified builder?
For sure, bro.

That's why he's got his
own tools. Sweet, eh?

Yeah, it's awesome.

I've done some high-powered stuff in
my time — chopping cars and towing
cars.

But when you tow a car, all you're
leaving behind is an empty space —
a space where that car once was.

But with building, you're
putting things into space.

You know? And that is beautiful.

And that is the way, man.
That is the Way of the Tool.

So, what is it that
you wanted to tell us?

Here comes the train. Choo-choo!

PHONE RINGS

I'll get it.

Yeah?
Put Pascalle on.

Why?
Because she's my sister and
you're a freeloading bitch.

She's not here, sorry.
Who was that?

Just someone for Cheryl.
Hey, I'm gonna go out for a bit.
Could you mind the potatoes for me?

Uh-huh.

Choo-choo!

Well, this is cosy.

What do you want?

Is this really how you're living?
Suits me.

(LAUGHS) Funny how you were trying
to get rid of me, and I'm in your
room and you're in this dump.

It's hilarious (!)
Do stand-up or get the f*ck out.

You said something like that to me
once before — something about taking
a hint and buggering off.

It's not too late.

Well, thing is, Loretta — no one's
listening to you right now.

No one believes you.

Especially not your sister.

She will, eventually.

No, because Pascalle
likes my brother a lot.

And she likes me too.

And who is it that's living in
the same house, looking out for her
and my brother?

It's not you, is it?

You f*cking bitch.

[ I'm the bitch?

I'm going to have a kid to support
on my own, and why is that?

It's not Pascalle's fault.

No, because Pascalle's
nice and sweet.

And trusting.

But you — you're the bitch from
hell, and everyone knows that now.

So face it. You can't win.

Where does Loretta get off, man?

Hiring a qualified builder.

It's just dirty.

Yeah, stinky, all right.

sh*t, man. What are we gonna do?
They're too f*ckin' good.

If only we had immunity.

From what?

Like on Survivor. You can't
get voted off with immunity.

Off what?
The island.

We're not on a island.
Yes, we are, man.

We're not. The Island of Tool
— an island built with the rocks
and sands of our own loins, bro.

OK.

But wait.

The thing about Survivor is it's
about surviving — so we've gotta be
more like them.

And wear bandannas
and bikinis and sh*t?

No, we've gotta be clever, man.
Split them up before it gets to
tribal council.

LAUGHS: Yeah.

Yes, and how do we do that?

It's coming to me.
Yeah?

We break them up,
then we break them down.
Yeah.

They won't even want to be on
the Island of Tool. They'll go into
the Sea of See You Later.

See you later! (LAUGHS)

And how do we do that again?

PHONE RINGS

Pascalle speaking.

We need to meet. You don't
get what's going on.

Go away.

Was that her?

So sad.

Yeah. ]

Oh, hey. I thought you
guys weren't going to show.

We should get to it, eh?
Don't want to be late.

Change of plans, boys.

Aaron, you'll be
working with me today.

I get to work with you?

EXCITEDLY: Ohhh...
What about the Gooch?

I've got the Gooch.

Oh. Oh, wow. This...
This is a real honour, eh?

Shut your face.

This is about standards —
Tool Guy standards.
OK.

They're quite harsh.

They're, uh, strict...

and, uh, mean.

And real exacting. Exacting.

Sweet! (LAUGHS) I'm with the
Vaninator. How cool is that?

And you're with the Munt Machine!

Oi! Quit f*cking around. Time is
money, and you have got a f*ckin'
tough day coming up, so move it!

Yeah! Come on!

You ready?
Yep.

sh*t.

Hey, take it easy with the tools.

Whoa. Would you check out that rack?

Mmm. Those mountains of bazoomness.

Aaron.

Pass the crampons, dude.
I'm ready to climb.

Aaron, shut up.

Man, I'd slip in her
crevasse any day.

You can't talk like that, Aaron.

But she's hot.

I mean, you can say that.
No! Not when you're a Tool.

All right? We don't say. We don't
even think, OK? We especially don't
root.

I wasn't gonna root. Not unless she
wanted me to. Do you think she did?

She is a client, got it?

Yeah. I was just acknowledging her
undeniable hotness, like you do.

No, we don't.

Not Tool Guys, man.

We don't perve.

Not never? Not when they're
hot and luscious and—?

No. We don't perve.

We don't pash. And we definitely
don't root our clients, Aaron.

It's part of our code.

(GASPS) You have a code?

Yes, we do.

Don't smile about it, Aaron.

It's a tough code.

It's a very tough code, Aaron.

It's, uh,...
(UNCONFIDENTLY) ...stringent.

Do you know what that means?

Uh, yeah. It's like, um, strict.

Or requiring exact performance.

Well, yeah, but mainly
it's about not perving.

Because it puts you off the job.
I get it. Cos you never get no work
done.

No, it's actually
because it's... sexist.

OK...
Mm.

And Tool Guys — we don't
ever sexist women.

Not even if they're really hot.

Or a bitching piece of hot ass
with totally huge manungas.

There you go again.

sh*t. I was sexist.

Yep. You were sexist.
If you can't handle—

No, I can cope. I can do it, man.

OK, get back to work.

f*ck.

You are so fit.
You are.

I know I am, but you are too.

Can you watch while I go to the loo?

sh*t.
You need to know something.

I don't want to hear it.
Sheree is in on it — her and Nicky
cooked it up together.

Do you not get that you are
looking like a complete stalker?

How else am I meant to speak to you?

Loretta, you need to stop this.

He got around you, didn't he?
About the bank job.

No, he told me the truth.

He admitted everything. But it
wasn't his fault. He's changed.

Oh, sh*t.

You know, you've got to a really
sad place. You know that?

Yeah. Maybe I have.

I mean, maybe you just need to get
on with your life — move on or move
away somewhere else.

Do you want me to leave?
Yes!

No.
But I'm your sister.

Yeah, but you've always
been quite mean to you.

No, I ha... Not always.

Well, OK. What about when you hid
all my make-up? Or the time when you
buried Serena alive?

I'd just like to point out
she's not an actual person.

She was a genuine Cabbage Patch Kid.

OK. I'm sorry about that.

You said, 'See if you can find her,'
and it took me three days,

and when I finally did find her,
she was all mouldy.

This is about a stupid
Cabbage Patch Kid?

No, and if you don't see that,
then you're the one who's stupid.

OK. Well...

What if I was wrong before?

[ What if I want to change things?
Really?

Yes. Really. But you have to
know that Sheree only thinks about
herself and her brother,

and she is not your friend,
and she is after your money.

That's it.
Pascalle, listen—

Loretta, don't call me,
don't follow me,

and I don't want to
speak to you ever again.

OK, we're done.

You think you're finished?

Yeah.

Do you feel good about
what you've done?

Yeah, I reckon it's pretty good.

What does that say?
mil.

Just like the Building Code.

Nah, wrong. It should be .

No, I'm pretty sure it's .
I've got the Building Act here.

No. Tool Guys —
we don't do it like that.

Eh?
Nah. We go the extra
mile for safety,

so that no little kids can slip
through and fall to their death.

It's not that high.
If you were little when you fell
on your head, that could be lethal,

so we make deck railings mil.

The Building Act says , cos no
toddlers' heads are smaller than
that.

What about babies?

What if you've got a baby
whose head is only mm wide?

You mean like one
of them prem babies?
Exactly.

If a prem baby comes riding his
little truck with his really small
head,

slips through, how you gonna feel?
Pretty bad.

And then the Tool Guys' safety
record will be wiped. Our brand
would be f*cked.

You'd better up your game, mate.

Well, what do I do?
Well, you'd better fix it.

That would mean doing it all again.

If you don't wanna do it,
that's your choice.

One port and lemon.

This about the wedding, is it?
No.

I'm marrying Ngaire
whether you like it or not.

OK.

I didn't come down
in the last shower.

Actually, Grandpa, I wish you well.

What are you up to?

Why does everyone think
I'm up to something?

Usually you are.

Do you think I'm
a horrible person, Grandpa?

I've met worse.

Nicky will rip off
Pascalle. You know that.

Someone's going to, sooner or later.

Don't you care?
I gave her my advice.

Did she listen? No. Put it in
a bloody bank. Back to the wedding.

What about it?

Ngaire doesn't want you to come.
It's become a bit of a sticking
point.

Right.
I wear the trousers
in this relationship.

I want you to be there. You should
be on the happiest day of my life.

Pass me a bucket.

So you're happy not to come?

You said you wanted me there.

Well, I do, of course, but then
there's Ngaire and Slutty.

Mum agrees with Ngaire?

What do you think?

You wouldn't enjoy it anyway,
and we can meet up after.

You can buy me a drink and
I'll tell you the details.

Ah! Spot you later.

(SIGHS)

Mum?

MAN AND WOMAN MOAN ORGASMICALLY
]

MAN: Yip. Yip. ]

Oh, yeah! ]
Aw, yeah. ]

sh*t!
Jesus!

OK. This is surprising.

This is my lunch break!

Yeah, sure, Van.

You're not the f*ckin' boss
of me on my lunch break!

No, you can do whatever you like,

and you are clearly very upset
about my dad being in jail.

What are you doing
here anyway? Get out.

Van?
What?

Go back to work.
No way! I'm staying right here,
man. I'm not going anywhere.

Go back to work.

BREATHLESSLY: All right.

But if she gives you any sh*t,
whatsoever, you call me, all right?

WHISPERS: Yeah.

So, does Cheryl have any idea
about this arrangement you've got?

This is none of her business.

Right. Probably my dad's, though.

Go within ft of your father
and he will squash you like a bug.

I could always phone.

Go for it. No one believes a word
that comes out of your crazy mouth.

And what if they asked Van?

Van is not stupid.

No, not entirely, but he
is the world's worst liar.

Van West is genetically programmed
to spill the truth. You wanna test
me on that?

So what is it you want, exactly?

You've been shagging Van?

Yes.

Van West?

How many Vans do you know?

What the hell were you thinking?

You just loaded a g*n, gave it
to Loretta and said, 'sh**t me.'
You've f*cked this up.

I like him, OK? I...

He's kind and he's sweet
and he's there for me.

Yeah, apparently.

I like him, and it's not like
you're not shagging anyone.

I'm not ending it with Pascalle.
That is bullshit.

What if Loretta blabs to Cheryl?

Cheryl wouldn't believe her.

Well, she might.

So we find you another place.

What if she calls Wolf?

No, she knows he could reach down
the phone line and strangle her.

I know this is bad, OK?

It's not how I meant it to go.

It's OK.

I'll sort Loretta.

Yeah? How?

I speak her language.

I'll sort it.

You going to tell on me?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Sheree reckons you're going to blab
cos of Pascalle or something.

And I was like, 'f*ck you
and your shitty mean sh*t.'

But...

(SIGHS) This is, um...

This is about what's
best for my kid.

Your kid?

Uh, yeah.

Are you sure?!

Sometimes you just know, you know?

f*ck it, Van! Shagging your dad's
girlfriend and getting her pregnant.

Not your smartest move.

Yeah, well, I like Sheree.

It's my kid, all right?

What about Dad cutting
your balls off?

He'll only do that if you tell him.

Look.

I'm only using this
for blackmail, OK?

That's OK, then (!)

Van, I don't want to f*ck you up.

Like you're not already?

What have I done to you?
Trying to replace us!

CELLPHONE RINGS
What?

Yeah. The new Tool Guys.

No, that's bullshit.
It's not bullshit.

You're evil and mean, and if
you tell on me, that's it, man.
You're not my sister—

What do you want?

You want to call a truce?

It beats running around
messing up people's lives.

I'm not the one doing that.

I'm not breaking up with Pascalle.

Fine. Meeting over.
Look.

Can't we find a way around this?

There you go.

Take it.

This is because of Sheree?

Who cares why?

Things need to settle
down, that's all.

Take it.
I don't want it.

Take it, Loretta.

This isn't about money.

Of course it is. I know you.

No, you f*cking don't. You do not
know me, and I am sick of people—

Calm down.

Calm the f*ck down.

Take the f*cking money.

Come on. You know you want it.

Yeah, right.

Actually, do you have any idea
how much I really want this money?

It's this much.
You stupid bitch.

PATRONS EXCLAIM, CLAMOUR

And you can take your truce and
shove it up your f*cking arse.

Can I come in?
No.

Give me two minutes. Please?

Hi, Wayne.

Hey, Loretta.

I'll leave you to it, eh?

I know everyone hates me, and there
seems to be f*ck all I can do about
that, but you care about Pascalle?

Of course.

Then you should know that at some
point in the future, Nicky is going
to break her heart.

Pascalle is happier than she's
ever been. Why f*ck with that?

Because I can see what's going
to happen, and it's wrong.

You're the expert?

Don't believe me, but please—

Is this your way of
making things right?

OK, Mum, fine.

I know what you want,
and here it is.

I'm sorry.

I'm so f*cking sorry
for what I've done.

You don't sound it.

If I hadn't caused this sh*t,
this wouldn't happen.

Things are fine.

No, Mum. You can't see it,
but they are not fine. And Van is—

What about Van?

Just watch out for him, OK?

OK.

I've f*cked up, and I know it.

Well.

Why don't you go and
tell your father that?

How will that help anything?

Is that it?

Is this what you've come to tell me?

Yeah.

See ya, Mum.
See ya.

Tough day for you guys, eh?

Yeah, it was pretty rugged.

Pretty tough, yeah.

It's not easy being a Tool Guy.

It's hard. It's disciplined.

Yeah, so, uh...

If you guys can't
hack it, that's fine.

For sure. I mean, had
a lot to think about.

What, too hard for you fellas?

Yeah.
Nah, nah. It's more.

I knew I used to have this r*cist
thing going on, about Chinks and
Japs and Hories.

But then I got to know my
brown brother here, you know?

What I didn't realise until today
was maybe I have sexist tendencies.

Ogling over butts and bazookas —
it's disrespectful to women, even if
their arses are really way hot

and their nungas are pert and firm.

You know, just because they're eye
candy doesn't mean you can lick them
all over with your vision.

All right.

Under your guidance, Van, learning
the Tool Guy code, I've been
awakened, dude.

You wouldn't want to do without the
Gooch, and he had a real sh*t day.

Well, for sure.

I mean, he had an even
bigger wake-up than me.

He did?

He thought he was qualified,
but now he sees how far you guys
are prepared to go for perfection.

And I also learned that some prem
babies can ride trikes. I didn't
know that.

I mean, we cannot wait to get back
out there. Hey, to our bosses —
the Vaninator and the Muntmeister.

↑ You guys rock.

OK, the Survivor thing
isn't working, man.

I know, bro.
So what do we do?

If they won't leave the island,
they've gotta be pushed.

Yeah?
Yeah.

All right.

So, you guys aren't
thinking about quitting?

Are you joking me? We love Tooling.
We're in for the long haul.

Well, maybe you should
stop making assumptions.
About what, man?

Like that you're not
already fired, for a start.

Am I glad to hear that,
cos that would suck.

No. He means you are fired.

What?
[ You heard him. And me.

You're fired, as of now,
so give us our shirts back.

No. This can't be happening.

It's happening.
Come on, take them off!

OK, but I totally don't get this,
man. Can you tell me why?

You should know why.
But I don't.

What are you asking him for?
Because...

You should be asking yourself.

Why did you fire them?

They're useless. Lazy. Stupid.

Uncooperative. Didn't get the code.

Whiny. Plus, you do
mean sh*t all the time.

What?
The telling sh*t.

What sh*t?

This is, uh, our sh*t, mate.
It's brother-and-sister sh*t.

For your information, I didn't tell.

DISBELIEVINGLY: Oh, you didn't?

You guys may as well have this now.

What's this?
It's your cut.

Cut?
Your share?

It's the cream from Aaron
and the Gooch's fees.

What's this 'cream'?

You own this company, right?
Yeah.

Well, you employ Aaron and the
Gooch, so you guys get a cut of
their fees.

How does that work?
Because Aaron and the Gooch
were paid less than you guys,

but we still charged the normal
Tool Guys rates for their work.

The difference is the cream.

This.
[ Yes.

And you're giving it to us?
[ Because you own the company.

Why aren't you ripping us off?

I might be really mean and evil and
horrible, but I'm also your manager,

so it's in my interests that
all of us make money, OK?

sh*t. For real?
Yes. For real.

OK, hold on. Let me
get this straight.

We could get really rich from
other people doing all the work?

That's right. That was how it was
meant to work, but sadly not any
more.

sh*t.
f*ck.

Thanks, Loretta!

(SIGHS)

Are you on the level?

Yeah.

You didn't tell?

No.

Call me sentimental.

[ 'Scuse. 'Scuse, please.

Hey!

There you guys are, eh?

Way to go, man. You guys rock.

What?
You did real well.

Nah, we did crap.

So crap you fired us.
No!

No, no, no. We just—
We pretend-fired you.

What?
You survived.

Survived what? ]

The test.

What test?

The test that all prospective
Tool Guys must go through.

Is this like another code thing?

Nah, it's like an initiation.
Have you seen Survivor?

Yeah. It's awesome.

The Tribal Council...
That's us.

...needs to know
that you're staunch.

It's a staunchness... check.

Did we...? Did we pass, then?

WHISPERS: Did you pass?

Well, shall we just say,
put 'em on, dudes.

You are now officially Tools.

What? Are you for real?

Yeah, bro. You're a Tool.

Oh my God, so f*ckin' stoked!

Back in the Tool team,
living the legend.

Oh, OK, then.

What's that in your pocket?

Oh, it just gets like
that when I'm elated.

Oh, man. I f*ckin'
love you guys, eh.

Whoa, bro. Just grab us some beers.

Oh yeah, sure. Go get
the guys some beers, eh?

Yeah, man.

Back on the Tool team.
I am a Tool! (LAUGHS)

Oh, it's weird, eh, man.

I was sure Loretta was
trying to shaft us, bro.

She's actually trying
to make us rich.

Freaky.

Too freaky for words, man.

That's the world we live in, man.

It's a constant kaleidoscope of
changing shapes, which are, like,
changing.

But getting rich off other people's
work — what's that called again?

Awesome.

BOTH LAUGH

f*ckin' eh, bro.

sh*t, we've got it going on, eh?

Yeah, man.

Ka-ching.

Ka-ching, brother.

[ She says she's sorry.

[ Maybe she is.

(SCOFFS) The crazy
sh*t she's saying.

You think she is crazy?

I dunno.

About Van — do you
think he's all right?

Yeah. Why wouldn't he be?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. He's fine.

You miss her, eh?

Like a wart.

(CHUCKLES)

Like a pain in the butt.

So much, I miss her.

Hey.

Are we OK?

We're more than OK.

♪ At the end of the runway —

♪ that's where they go.

♪ And feelings grow and grow.

♪ Until the end of the runway.

♪ That's where we'll go.

♪ That's where feelings
grow and grow.

♪ Sha-la-la-la-la-la.

♪ La-la-la la-la.

♪ Sha-la-la-la-la-la

♪ La-la-la la-la.

What are you doing here?