01x25 - Door to Door

[bunniefuu]

.

A ha ha ha!

There, add a card to represent

the overworked
educational system.

Now, add the dead
weight of students like you.

So, you can see, children,

that our whole
society is nothing more

than a perilous
house of cards...

Destined to collapse
under its own weight.

Dib, the warranty on
your desk has run out.

Get a replacement from the pile.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, children, as you know,

the desk budget for
this year has run out.

But the school board is giving
you a chance to lessen your misery.

[squeal!]

Lights!

Word up, kids!

This is Poop Dawg, the
Poop Cola gangsta clown

with a little fundraiser.

Do you wanna go
magnet with the moneys?

Kids: Yay!

What does it mean?

Hmm?

Then jack this box
of Poop Cola Candy.

It's the great
taste of Poop Cola

wrapped in a layer
of chocolate badness.

Kids: Ooh!

Every bar you sell earns
money for your school.

But what's in it for you?

Prizes, prizes, prizi-zes!

Hmm?

Sell bars
and you'll win a...

[man's voice dubbed over]
Adhesive medical strips.

Sell , you
win a crash helmet.

Sell , , you win
an electro scooter.

And , , you
get a hovercraft,

- [kids oohing and aahing]
- Plus a helmet,

plus a box of...

Man: Adhesive medical strips.

Kids: Yay! Wow! Ooh!

Garbage! That hovercraft
is a joke of engineering

and that helmet would never
protect your brain from lasers.

And if you all think youz all
somethin' wit the top sellies

and wit...

I can't do this.

Cut!

The top prize is something

your b-b-brain won't believe!

Nonsense.

It's so amazing, it's a secret.

Secret!

What are you hiding, dog man?!

Tell me! Tell me!

Good luck, my
fellow Poop slices.

Announcer: Warning: Candy
made entirely of sawdust.

A secret. Yes, of course.

But what could it be?

What?! What?!

I must possess the secret prize!

Miss Bitters, why don't
they take the money

they spent on candy and prizes

and use it to buy desks?

That answer wasn't in the video.

Eek! Fundraising...

children!

Woo hoo!

...then that horrible
man-dog hybrid

taunted us by not
revealing the secret prize.

It must be something of
unimaginable power, GIR.

Hey, Zim! I sold a whole
box at my dad's lab.

b*at that.

So, you're trying to b*at
me to the prize, is that it?

Just more proof of
its strategic value.

The only reason I'm
selling this dirt in a wrapper

is to watch you fail at
something else, Zim.

Heh heh heh.

Ah! Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

I can sell these
horrible candies better...

Than any human. Just watch.

GIR: Why is his head so big?

Why is his head so big?

Just follow my lead.

Please, ma'am, if you
don't buy my candy

my little brother
will go insane!

Aaahhh! Good heavens!

He's worse than I thought!

Please, of course
I'll buy some candy.

Mmm!

[coughing]

Mm-hmm, that's the sawdust.

Hmm. She only bought
one of these horrible things.

You'll just have
to try harder, GIR.

[baby cries]

Aahh...!

Hmm. Ooh!

Aahh...!

I don't understand.

Today has been
a horrible failure.

GIR, don't eat that filth!

It is the key to the
mystery of the prize.

[fading out] The
mystery of the priiiize.

This miserable Earth sun.

Even Zeerus Minor didn't
orbit such a horrible star...

So hot!

Zim.

Zim!

I have come for you.

Heh? What is this?

Who are you?

I am...

Who are you?

- I...
- Who are you?

I am Poop Dawg, the gangsta
spectre of defeat, in effect.

And you will never win
the mystery prize, fool.

Bwahahaha!

What is this
miraculous prize thing?

I ain't tellin', yo.

Eh... eh...

Does it defy the laws
of time and space?

Can it alter the minds
of sentient beings?

Is it the key to
controlling all mankind?

The prize will
never be yours, Zim!

So say the gangsta
spectre of defeat!

I will not give up... Poop Dawg!

Never!

Ho ho ho ho ho!

Yo.

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Ugghh!

Uggh!

Jeez, Zim, I haven't even
done anything to you yet.

Get out of here,
gangsta of defeat!

Begone with you.

Man, Zim, defeat's
made you crazy.

Of course, that has
been my mistake all along.

I've been trying to sell
like a miserable human.

GIR!

Yes, my lord!

I will use inferior human
"fund-raising" techniques no longer.

Now watch as I unleash the
full power of Irken persuasion.

Yay! I'm gonna be sick!

[GIR throws up]

Human residents!

I have come selling candy!

Huh?

I am selling candy
for your local school.

And you will buy some.

Uh... we don't want any
of your government candy!

We don't want none of
your government candy!

Yes, you do.

Now... see a world in which you
do not buy my delicious treats!

All that you know
and love lies in ruins!

It's-- It's horrible!

[screaming]

I just wanted a
school desk of my own.

Aaahh!

Bwains.

This horrible tragedy
can be prevented if...

And only if...

You surrender your money
to me and buy my candy!

Pwease?

For the childwen.

We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy it!
We'll buy your candy!

Just stop this horrifying
future from ever happening!

Yes! Witness my victory...

Poop-beast!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha...!

[school bell rings]

Children, your
performance was miserable.

Your parents will all
receive phone calls

instructing them to
love you less now.

Kids: Ooohhh!

But, in a shocking
display of school spirit,

Dib has come in first by
selling candy bars.

Congratulations. You win a...

[man's voice dubbed]
Adhesive medical strips.

First place! Take
that, space boy!

Hey, where's Zim?

Uuugggh!

Ah! Ah! Hehh!

Nnmmmm!

I am here, Dib-worm,

and I have sold over .
million revolting candy units!

I am prepared to receive
the power of the mystery prize.

Give to Zim!

Well, this has never
happened before.

Zim, your prize is...

Your prize is...

Nothing.

There is no mystery prize.

They just made it up to make
kids work harder for no money.

Heh?

As a consolation...
Here's some tuna.

Curse you, Poop Dawg!

Curse yooooou!

Haw haw haw haw haw...!

[coughs, laughs]

[rap music in background]