05x07 - Inform Against Me

[bunniefuu]

There's nothing wrong with either
of us, and you're ripe for babies.

I wanna know things are working.

Fertility? Whoo! No way! Hard
out, man — spoofing in the cup.

Yeah! Stroke it, Munter.

She's my wife. I'll do whatever it
takes, even if it means taking the
test.

A little information is all I want.

You told them?
You're a f*cking narc!

Kasey and Munter — busted
with a truckload of weed.

I wondered why that prick
Gerard'd be interested in me.

Maybe because the reason was you,
and that's why I got busted.

Just gotta keep my distance
from you for a while.

What's up, boss? ]

I have no idea.

Well, you called the meeting.

I called and told you to come to the
meeting; I didn't call the meeting.

Who called the meeting?

Let's have a think about it. It's
a Tool Guys meeting, there are four
Tool Guys, three of them are here—

Munter!
Go, the Gooch! You are on to it.

I was gonna say that.
Um, so, what's the meeting about?

Quote — 'real important
sh*t'. Unquote.

Man, ho!

Who are you calling a ho?

No, I meant 'hello'.

Why didn't you say, 'hello',
instead of calling a man a ho?

OK, what's the problem?

Well, there's unfinished business,
and there's business to be finished.

The finished business is me — with
my legal team and the guy I got from
legal aid,

we've decided to plead
guilty to all charges.

No way, man — fight the power!

Aaron, they caught me holding the
dope. I'm going inside no matter
how merciful the judge is.

The unfinished business is I want
you Tools to look after my best
tools till I get out.

Your bull nose rebate plane.

For those close corners, Gooch.

No.

The hammer of the gods. I know
you're a -ounce man; it's time
to step up to the .

I'm gonna think of you every
time I hit the nail on the head.

All I can ask, ginger brother.
He called me, 'brother'.

These tools belong to
the Tool Guys company.

Messing with the
moment here, Loretta.

Just so you know what's on the level
and what ain't. It'll just be the
three of you and Loretta.

You'll be like a strong triangle.

Especially with me
as its fourth side.

But it's only as strong as its
weakest side — remember that.

He is gonna be the
most loved guy in prison,

but not in the way that sounded.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Come on, man — give
me something, here.

Van, you're meant to give me things.

Yeah, but look —

you get Munter off,
I'll owe you one.

You owe me one for
getting Sheree off.

Then I'll owe you two.

Why are you getting so worked up
about this? Are you and him gay?

No.
So suck it up.

All right. Well, what about Falani?

He's dodgy. He's always doing
something illegal. Arrest him.

You'd sell out a family
friend to help Munter?

He's not much of a family friend.

He's not that much of a criminal.

Yes, he is. He's...

Falani's Samoan mafia.

Van, you know who I want.

(SIGHS) Yes, but Nicky's not
doing stuff all at the moment—

Then stop wasting my time.

With half the dairies in Waitakere
getting done over, I don't have time
for this.

OK, thanks for coming in.
No worries, Wayne.

(HISSES) Where's the beer?

No; Falani, there's no beer.
Wine?

No — this is not about getting
on the piss; this is about Cheryl.

Oh, has something more
awful happened to her?

No, she's good. She's at home.
She's fine, with her feet up. It's
you fullas I want to talk about.

Yeah, but we've been
real nice to her.

She says that we're her lifeline.

I'm more than aware of how nice
you fullas have been, but she
should have her feet up.

[ KNOCK AT DOOR

Hey!

God, I was thinking about
you, and I had to come over.

Who can work at such a time?

WOMEN LAUGH

Hello. I've got Mrs
Falani's palusami.

Both: Hi, Falani!

Ladies.

It's nice you guys think about her,
but can you think about her from
further away?

Yes, but she likes us visiting.

We're doing everything for her.

Yes, and she has her
feet up, like you say.

Hyster... Hystero what?

Hysterosalpingogram.

Mrs Fulani has procedures all the
time. She's collecting them like
your sister collects beer cans.

Yeah, she has a nice time, but
then you all go, and I come home.

And that's the problem — you?

No, Fulani, the problem is
what I find when I get home.

They've been around here?

Yeah. Yeah, just a little visit.

Sit. I'll do that.

No, I'm fine.
Give me those.

I'm fi—
Give it to me.

OK. Well, how about I
do the dishes, then?

Sit!

You can call her, text her, you
can send a bloody carrier pigeon,

but you cannot go around unless
I say so. Is that all clear?

Like, not even for five minutes?

ALL CLAMOUR

Peace and quiet.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Nicky here?
Um, he's on a job.

What sort of job?
A work job. What's it to you?

Uh, well, if he needs
me, I'm here. OK?

Oh, actually, Van, um,
I have a job for you.

No.

What, you'll do stuff
for Nicky, but not for me?

I think we're talking
different stuff, OK?

Can you just deliver these?

What, are they hash cakes?

No, they're scones.
They don't look like scones.

Well, they look like scones
howImake them. They're herbal.
Hash scones?

No, they're healthy, and I want you
to take them to Munter and Aaron to
say, 'Thank you'.

What for?

At Best Bag Ever, we stuck those
compliance issues up the Labour
Department's butts.

Look, could you just tell Nicky
about the work thing, please?

Only if you deliver these.

CELLPHONE BUTTONS BEEP

CELLPHONE RINGS

Hey.

Hey, it's me.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah. Uh, I got something
for you from Pascalle.

Yeah. I was gonna call you anyways.

Oh yeah?

Something we gotta sort.

OK. So, you wanna meet up?

You know where; you know when.

The Rusty, now?

That you has to ask says a lot.

You sure these aren't hash scones?

Pascalle said no.

Cos that would be cruel, giving
me hash scones on the eve of going
inside for dope possession.

(CHUCKLES) At least
you'd go inside happy, eh?

We gotta sort the car, Van.

Oh, what, is Aaron pissed off
it's still in his garage?

No — because I'm going inside.

Oh. Well, let's just leave it there
till you get out, you know? Aaron
won't mind.

I don't want to leave it there.

Well, I don't think we've
got time to finish it.

We need to split it up, Van.
Eh?

/ — we both take half the parts.
We can build our own cars. (SNIFFS)

What's wrong with having our car?

I can't be seen with no
snitching rat bastard.

I'm not... I'm not a
snitching rat bastard, man.

In my book, you are.

If I am, it's cos I was
trying to get you off.

Yeah, and it's only cos you
are that that I'm going inside.

Cycle of shame, bro.

Right. How do we do this?

Oh, boys, boys, boys —
reading my mind.

I hope not.

I was gonna text you, get us 'Three
Amigos' together, hit the town.

It would be the Four Amigos, but the
Gooch has got his bagpipe champs.

We're here to see the car, Aaron.

Oh.

What?

I've been meaning to tell you about
the car, just never found the right
place or the right time. It's...

What have you done
to the car, Aaron?

GRAND PRIX'S 'LOW RIDER'

♪ Low-rider,

♪ low-rider... ♪

So, are we cool?

(STAMMERS) Our car.

I know it's your thing, but once
I started, I couldn't stop. I mean,
I tried to.

I took stuff apart knowing how you'd
feel, with my hands on your parts—

Aaron, shut the hell up.

OK.

We need to talk about this.

Not you.

Don't touch anything. All right?

What do you think?
What do you think?

I asked you first.

Well, it's beautiful, man.

Yeah, a thing of much beauty.

We can't split up a
thing of beauty like that.

No, that'd be wrong.

Yeah, like cutting an
arm off the Mona Lisa.

Yeah.

Or one of Kylie's legs.

Aaron, it's not like we disrespect
what you've done. It's awesome, man.

Really?
Yeah, but you should have
run it past us first, man.

Yeah, for sure — total apologies.

But the fact remains that what is
done is done and can't be undone.

Unless you undo it.

It'd just be stupid.

Yeah, and since we can't undo
it, we have to sell the car.

You what?
Yeah, you did an awesome job,
man, but the car's gotta go.

Why?
It's just the way it has to be.

But this is a thing of beauty.
I mean, people are gonna—

Aaron!

It's our car, right?

We'll sell it if we want.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Well, no, I can't chuck
my own daughter out, Wayne.

No, but I can. Everybody,
visiting hours are over.

Quite bossy, aren't you, Wayne?

Yeah, when I need to be, Ngaire.

We'll get out of your hair.

Appreciate it.

She's my patient.
Oi, I'm not an invalid.

Yes, you are. Get used to it.

Now, before we go, I was wondering
if you would like to read this.

What is this?

Ooh, nice photo.

The West Auckland Chronicle
interviewed me about Best Bag.

That's fantastic.

They sent me this advance copy
to check the facts and stuff,

and I really want you to
read it with an open mind.

Sure.

But not now. Wait till we go, eh?

OK.
Thank you, Mum. You're the best.

Bye-bye, love.
See you, Cheryl.

Cheryl.
Ngaire.

Bye.

Bloody Ngaire's probably
rearranged everything in my kitchen.

Sit.

Hey, I'm not a dog.

Get on your couch.

Get.

(SIGHS)

God. You little trollop,
I'll f*cking k*ll you.

So she wasn't too happy, then?

Well, you could say that.

No. Give me the keys. Wayne, give
me the f*cking keys. I will flatten
her.

It's not like it's not true.

READS: '"When you start at the
bottom rung of the ladder of life,
surrounded by crime,"

'said the glamorous young
businesswoman, "you can
only go up."'

'Glamorous' and 'businesswoman' in
the same sentence — isn't it cool?

READS: 'Growing up in a family of
criminals, where stealing was a way
of life,

'it would have been easy to
get sucked into that world.

'Luckily, I had the strength of
will to escape, to find a moral
path through life.'

I could f*cking k*ll her.

Why did you show it to her? You
must have known it'd send her
off her rocker.

So she could read it
before it was in the paper.

She never reads the Chronic; she
just wraps her food scraps in it.

Oh yeah.

But you can change it
before they publish it?

No.
They gave you an advanced copy.

I got the journo to send me a copy
so I can get it framed. It comes out
tomorrow, I think.

Everyone who knows
us knows it's true.

Not the point, Pascalle. The
point isIhave to calm her down.

And you — you have to
make it right with her.

It's just wrong in every way.

It's a car, Aaron. One
that doesn't even go.

It's a Hemi
Chrysler Valiant, Loretta.

Stink people drive cars; gods
drive Hemi Chrysler Valiants.

How much do they want for it?

It's not for sale, Harris.

But you just said it was, Spiller.

Not for sale to a knob like you.

It's a mighty car, Hemi.

I see myself in a car like that,
with a bitch in the back seat.

Mm. You can inflate her at the
petrol station when you check
the tyres.

You're not getting the back seat
or the front seat of this car.

Oh yeah?

And how are you gonna stop me, ginga
balls? With your big hairy ginger
balls?

You want balls? I'll give you balls.

Guys, can you knock it off or knock
each other off? I am trying to eat
here.

Oh, do you want something to eat?

I can give you something to eat.

Hey, Falani.

Hey, Loretta.
Dane here is — I'm pretty sure —
suggesting I should suck his cock.

What do you think?

I think that's a very rude thing
to say to a lady, and also sad.

If anyone wanted to suck something
so small, a breath mint would do as
well.

Yeah, well, I'm not done here.

Then why are you backing away?

I'm not backing away.

f*ck youse.

Thanks, Falani. Hey,
do you wanna buy a car?

Hey, whoa, there.
What have you got for me?

Not me; it's this piece of crap
Van and Munter have been working on.

They're selling the Valiant?

Well, hey, hey,
it's not for you, OK?

Yeah, quite right, yeah. Why would
I be interested in such a car?

You know what's up
with Van and Munter?

They don't wanna work together
and rarely communicate?

Exactly — a disturbance
in the force.

They fight, break up; they kiss
and make up; ever since Chris Amon
Primary.

What about before they make the
biggest mistake of their lives, you
advance me the cash, I buy the car?

Advance you the cash from where?

My Tool Guy earnings, because...

Yeah — I buy the car, finish it
and pick up Munter once he's been
released from prison.

Wow. That is so romantic, but no.

But what if somebody buys the car?

Aaron, no one will
buy that heap of sh*t.

It will sit in your garage
till hell freezes over.

I will buy this car.

Why?

Cos you wanna sell it.

But why would we sell it to you?

Because it's a classic.

Yeah, it is, but why
do you wanna buy it?

Van, they stopped producing
these things in NZ in ,

and do you know how hard it is
to find parts for them these days?

You wanna sell it for parts?

They've just been assembled.

So they're handily
all in the same place.

No way.
No. No way.

OK, OK. I won't sell it for parts.

Well, now you're just lying.

No, no, no.
(LAUGHS) No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, you big Samoan liar.

Are you racistly assuming
that cos I'm Samoan, I'm a liar?

We assuming that cos
you're you, you're a liar.

OK. So that's a no to my kind
offer to take it off your hands?

N-O spells no.

Yes.

It's a no.

Truly you speak with one voice.

No, we don't.

Well, if you change your one mind,

call me.

I hate this mattress! It's
impossible to get comfortable.

That's cos you're trying
to get comfortable for free.

When we get the house,
we're so getting a new bed.

Hey, you know what else we
should get? A classic car. Hm?

(CHUCKLES) Why?

Well, think about it. Think how cool
it would be, man, taking the twins
for drives in an actual classic ca.

And where would we get the money
for an actual classic car, babe?

Well, there's the Nicky money.

That's for the house.

It's for the house now, but
we could spend it on the car.

Could the four of us
live in the car, Van?

No, but—

We're not getting a car, Van.

So, have you talked to Mum today?

No, I've been ordered
to stay away. Why?

No reason.
Splash more?

No, I shouldn't. (GIGGLES)
Oh.

Rochelle says alcohol
won't help conception.

Rochelle was so pissed when she got
pregnant, she doesn't know the dad.

OK, just a tiny bit.

After my procedure, and the Justice
Department knows we're trying for
pregnancy,

we can have conjugal visits. I am so
giving up drinking, dope, coffee and
fags.

So, um, about this hystero... pingu—

Hysterosalpingogram? They take dye,

and insert it into my Fallopian
tubes to make sure they're not
blocked.

How do they insert the dye?

I dunno. Maybe they use, like,
a dildo that's also a needle.

Um, I'll grab another bottle.

I give you a hand.

Ooh, pickled onions.
Do you want some?

No, thank you.

Sorry — she likes to talk
about her procedure, eh?

Girls like that stuff.

Yeah.

You wanna buy a car?
Sorry?

Chrysler Valiant Hemi,

almost in running order.

You and Van's car?

[ Was.

You're selling it?

We don't see eye to eye on certain
future things, so we're going our
separate ways on this.

No. Sorry, mate. But if you
had a Ducati Laguna Seca...

That's a motorbike, bro.

Yeah.

Oh well. Worth a sh*t, eh?

GOLDENHORSE'S 'COWGIRL LAMENT'

We gotta sort the car, Van, eh?

/ — you take half the parts,
I'll take half the parts. We'll
build our own cars.

What do you reckon we
do up a car together?

[ Check it out, man.
Holy sh*t, man. It's a
Chrysler Valiant Regal!

We gotta get this, man;
it's like a dream come true!

Oh, no way.
(LAUGHS) Yes way, bro!

Check it out, bro.

I love you, man. Come here, brother.

♪ My love,

♪ he left town

♪ with a g*n in his hand... ♪

A mechanic didn't make
this; an artist did.

Yeah, boy.

♪ ...go back... ♪

We're just two cats swimming in a
big ocean. We gotta look out for
the sharks.

Yeah, man.

BOTH SCREAM

BOTH LAUGH

♪ ...tears I cry,

♪ but I'm broke,...

I just miss you and me man-hanging —

you and me hanging out.

♪ ...broke, broke,

♪ broke,

♪ broken. ♪

TOILET FLUSHES

Oh, hey. You can sell
stuff on the internet, eh?

The website you're after is
pleasebuymyheapofcrapcar.com

Ha ha (!) Hey, um,
do you wanna buy it?

Overnight, I had a frontal lobotomy.
I'd love to buy your car (!)

PHONE RINGS

Aaron, what do you want?

Wait. I can't understand
a word you're saying, man.

TV: Across America, starting in...

PHONE RINGS

Yeah?
Yeah, we've got a problem.

Yeah, we got nothing but problems.

Yeah, well, now we got another one.

Easy on the nose-picking, mate.

Shut up. This is all your fault.

Why, cos you went too
hard on a booger hunt?

He came around.

You giving it a blow job, Spiller?

What do you want, Harris?

I want this.

Hey, get your hand off it.

Yeah, I heard about this sweet piece
of metal, eh? I like what I see.

Yeah, I know you heard, cos I was
there when you heard, but this car
will never be yours.

I think it will.

No way would they sell something
this awesome to a come stain.

(SNIFFS) For eight grand, they will.

No way. Not ever.

Just give them the message,
ginger monkey boy.

(SCREAMS)

(WHIMPERS)

[ (WHIMPERS)

Paint scraper?
Well, they've got real sharp edges.

Right.
I would have decked him, but when
your nose gets cut, your eyes water.

Eight grand, eh?

It's Dane Harris, and
he cut my freaking nose!

It's worth thinking about, though.

Give us a read.

A daughter stabbing her mother in
the heart, at a time like this...

If one of my daughters said such
things about her mother, Mrs Falani
would teach her about manners.

Want me to set Mrs Falani on her?

Nothing the girl said wasn't true,
that we were proud of once.

Thousands of people through
West Auckland will read this.

Cheryl won't be able to show
her face in Pak'n Save again.

Can we stop this coming out?
Apparently, it goes out really soon.

Tomorrow. I've got certain relatives
who work in newspaper distribution —

walking and putting them in letter
boxes lowers the risk of diabetes.

Great (!)

Oh, for God's sake. Out!

You want me to do the talking?

Why?

Well, cos you probably wanna
smack him after what he did.

What, to Aaron's nose?

Yeah. I was thinking
more about Kasey.

No. We neither think nor talk
of that any more, so I'm cool.

OK.

Hey, Dane.
Boys.

Who you calling boy, fuckhead?

Uh, we hear you wanna buy our car.

Yeah. So when can I come and get it?

Hang on, hang on. Why
do you wanna buy it?

Because it's a fine automobile.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Eight grand?

That's the offer.

Where'd you get eight grand?

Half now, half when I collect.

Are you dealing again?

I got my own business. If I want
dr*gs now, I don't sell them —
I buy them.

You back with your
dad's painting business?

I said my business, not his.

All right.
What sort of business?

None of your business, Hori.

Hey! Munt! Look, the business we're
here for is car business, all right?

Well, are you gonna
sell it to me or not?

No. No, Dane, we're not, all right?
Cos a car like this needs a home,
not a f*ck-knuckle like you.

grand — final offer.

So, is Mum really pissed
off about the article?

Yep, she's pretty slutted about it.

Judd wants me to make it right,
but everything I said is true.

What about what you didn't say?

How do you mean? ]

The stuff you could
have said but didn't.

Uh, people know enough
about my family, Kasey.

No, I'm not talking about your
family, Pascalle, I'm talking
about me.

There wasn't anything
about you in it.

Exactly! According to the article,

the Best Bag Ever was all your
idea, and you made it happen
without anyone else.

I was there too!

(SCOFFS)
Why is everyone being so mean?
Why can't they be happy for me?

Even as a model, I never got into
the Chronic. They are trying to ruin
my personal triumph!

Honey, not everyone
sees things how you do.

Well, if they did, it
would make much more sense.

(CHUCKLES) Deal with it.

Rise above it.

I suppose.

Making peace with your mum
would be a place to start.

Well, she is having my baby sister.
She needs to chill out right now.

PHONE RINGS

OK, I'll do it for the baby.

Hello?

Oh, hi!

Thank you for sending through that
article. I'm so glad you went with
my choice for the photo.

Uh-huh.

Why not?

What? When?

All of them?

Really?

Right. OK.
What was that about?

About how I'm gonna k*ll my mother.

grand.

It's a fair offer.

Oh, no — no way, man.

Just the thought of Dane Harris's
hairy little arse in here makes me
wanna chuck.

I reckon.

Don't get us no closer
to sorting this, though.

Man, why don't we just
leave it till after?

After what, Van?
After you get out. ]

You'll give it to your
cop mates when I'm gone.

Oh, that's not fair. ]

Nothing's f*cking
fair to me right now.

How many times, man; how many times
do I gotta tell you why I did what
I did?

Not that I even did anything, man!

Oh, you did plenty.

f*ck you, man. f*ck you!

I'm sick of feeling like sh*t.
What do we do about the car?

I don't care. Sell it to Dane.

'Dane, you had my wife;
have my car too.'

f*ck you!

Ow. Ow. Ow!

What are you doing, man?

That was out of line, man!

f*ck!

Ow. Ow!

Wait, I hurt my shin!

Broom, man.

Get off! Get off!

Get off, man!

(HISSES)

(GRUNTS)

Do you really want your car to go
to the guy that rooted your missus?
He'll use it to get her back.

Well, maybe she should
end up with Dane.

He can give her the kid she wants,
cos I sure as f*ck can't.

Knock her up when you get out, man.

Not with useless sperm, I can't.
What?

My fullas don't do the
business they should, you mong!

What, even with the money, man?

Yeah, well, maybe it's like they
get tired halfway along and give up.

Whoa.

Do whatever you want with the car.

Dane.

So, how's my new car?

Uh, it's not your car.

Till you take my generous offer.

No, no, no. We're not gonna sell
it to you, mate. Not for, like,
grand.

There's no way I'd pay that for it.

Sweet. Then we're done here.

Hey, nobody says no to Dane Harris.

Yeah, they do.
No, they don't.

(CHUCKLES) All right —
no, they don't.

What, no — that's your final word?

Yes.

OK.

TV: ...too small. That one there
probably needs to be cut in half.

You wouldn't want
them to be too small...

KNOCK AT DOOR

[ KNOCK AT DOOR

Don't you have a key?

I'm making a point.

Which is?

How angry I am.
What, with the door?

No, with you.

Last I checked, I was
pissed off with you.

That why you did it?

What?
You know.

No, I don't f*cking know.

You didn't like it, so you made
sure no one else could read it.

You what?
The article.

What about it?

So it's coincidence the truck with
every West Auckland Chronicle with
my article in it

got nicked from the
printer's, is it?
Eh?

Well, is it? Come on, Mum;
answer the question.

No. No, of course it's not.

Because I don't
believe in coincidence,

who took the truck?

Oh, I so knew it.

Why am I here? I didn't know there
was an article or a truck till you
dragged me here.

You're the sort of person
who does something like this.

Cheryl. ]
Ngaire.

Why would I lift a finger to make
you feel better about yourself?
No offence.

All of bloody Auckland should
read that article, I reckon.

All I can say is I wish I'd thought
of stealing the bloody truck. What
you said was so wrong.

No, it was the truth.

That doesn't make it right.

Can't you see by stealing,
you make the article true?

It was stolen because
the article was true.

It was; then it wasn't;
thanks to that, it's true again.

If someone stole the truck, the
article never comes out, and no one
reads it, did anything ever happen?

Loretta, don't mess with my head.
Can I ask a question?

(SIGHS) Yes, as long
as it makes sense.

Falani,

you're quiet for a man whose
family's involved in both car theft
and suburban newspaper distribution.

You sound much like your old cop
self when you ask a question that
is more an accusation.

Falani...

Answer the question.

I'm confused by the question
that may not necessarily—

You took the truck.
You did it.

No. No— No! No.

Although, now as you loom over me
with all your blonde palanginess, I
may have mentioned it in passing —

the injustice — to peoples who, on
Cheryl's behalf, took the law into
their own hands.

Can you get the truck back?
You better say yes.

There are no guarantees.

None of that 'no guarantees' sh*t!

Get the f*cking truck back, Falani.

Truck back.

HOLLIE SMITH'S 'CHILD STANDING'

(SIGHS)

I'm gonna miss this —

the quiet,

lying around with you.

Shh, baby.

(CRIES)

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Baby, none of that exists.

It's just you and me.

It always will be.

♪ ...in any darkness
for them to see.

♪ In any darkness for them to see.

♪ In any darkness
for them to see... ♪

Oh, were you having a wank?

No. I wanna be alone.

Are you hiding from Sheree?

Alone.

Are you going to Munter's trial?

Why, so I can listen to some
arsehole judge send him away
for a year?

Or to be there for your mate.
What's going on with you guys?

Usually by now you'd hatch some
stupid plan to hide him in Grandpa's
caravan.

YELLS: Leave me alone!

OK.

Chill out.

PHONE RINGS

(SIGHS)

What is it now, Aaron?

You're kidding me.

He caught me unawares.

Hey, don't worry, baby. Yeah? Uncle
Aaron's gonna look after you. Yeah.

You gonna spoof all over it too?

(SIGHS) What do you want, Harris?

Well, my car, of course.

They told you to take a hike.

I'm not here to give them any money.
I'm just gonna take my car.

This ain't your car.

You sure about that, Spiller?
Have you got any ownership papers?
Have you got any rego papers?

Because who has the
car owns the car.

Well, that'd be me, then.

Not for too much longer.

Argh!

But I got some awesome sh*ts in.

(WHIMPERS)

But he was tooled up, man.

No way he does this to me and Munt.

And me too.

No, he's not getting away with this.

Forget him and his
faggoty paint scraper.

We're gonna go down there with,
like, power tools and sh*t.

Yeah, well, uh, call me
if you need some help!

What you got for me?

I wanna report a crime.

Really?
Yep, really.

OK. Now we're getting somewhere.

Where and when?

Aaron Spiller's garage,
about two hours ago.

I'm sorry?

Car theft. Mm-hm.

And, uh, like, as*ault with a tool.

Are you reporting a crime to me?

Well, you're a cop, aren't you?

Call the f*cking station, Van,
instead of calling me out here!

It's a crime. You deal with it.

Van, the only crimes you talk to me
about are ones that haven't happened
yet.

Well, that's just sh*t, man.

I don't care.

So you f*ck over people like me and
Munter, cos you've got a hard-on for
Nicky Greegan,

but when there's a paint-scraping,
nose-slashing, car-thieving psycho
like Dane Harris running around,

that's OK, cos he doesn't—

OK. OK, OK. When you say paint
scraper, what do you mean?

What?
Paint scraper.

It's scrapes paint. It
has a handle and a blade.

Dane Harris, you said?

He waves it around like a Kn*fe.
He should just get a Kn*fe.

Are you saying that Dane Harris
is the paint-scraper robber?

What?

The paint-scraper robber.

What are you talking about?

Do you ever read a newspaper?
Nope.

Or watch the news on TV?

(CHUCKLES) No.

Van, some nutbar has been robbing
dairies, lots of dairies, wielding
a paint scraper.

No sh*t?

The media dubbed him
'the paint-scraper robber'.

The paint-scraper moron.

(SCOFFS)

Dane Harris, eh?

Thanks, Van.

You see?

Informing isn't so hard
once you get the hang of it.

Yeah.

Oh sh*t.

Morning.

Is anyone else up?

I'm going to set you on fire
and watch you run around the
room screaming.

KNOCK AT DOOR ]

KNOCK AT DOOR ]

I'll go. You carry on.

Aaron really cut off his
nose to spite his face.

Yeah — no time for the love.
Van, you hear the news?

f*ck off, Aaron.
Oh, it speaks.

Van, the best news ever — car karma.

Dane Harris — wait for it — has been
arrested. He was the paint-scraper
robber.

Dane Harris was that loser?
Yeah.

Couldn't he use some of
the money to buy a Kn*fe?

I reckon it's because his old
man's a painter and a bastard.

So whenever he robbed a dairy,
he was robbing his old man.

Wow, that's deep (!)

I should have thought of it. He
cut me with a paint scraper. Twice.

[ You think?
Who gives a sh*t about Dane?

Mate, Dane's been arrested, which
means he's in jail, which means
there's nobody at his house,

which is where our car is, and guess
who has his tow truck parked right
outside.

Good girl.

Woof (!)
(CHUCKLES)

Thought you were at work.
You checking up on me, are you?

I had a visitor, whose name I cannot
name, about a truck he knows nothing
about.

The door was unlocked.

Find that truck yet?
As fate would have it,

a nephew of mine doing work for the
church late last night chanced upon
a delivery truck,

parked at this location.

Thank your nephew for me.

Just doing the Lord's work
is thanks enough for him.

But with the truck not discovered,
they were forced to reprint the
issue.

The untruths could be corrected.

Maybe.

Is it wrong of me that I found being
verbally abused by two West women
strangely erotic?

Yes, Falani. Yes.

He does have a point, though, about
the chance to change the article.

Oh, what the hell. Make the call —
it's water under the bridge.

That's my girl.

Home, sweet home, baby.

We got you back from the bad man,
and he won't bother you again.

Aaron, it's a car. Knock it off.

This isn't just any car.

This is the Van and
Munt-mobile back home,

where possession is -tenths of
the law and Dane Harris' cellmate
can stick that up Dane's cr*ck.

Yeah, but it's not like Munt's
here to enjoy it, is he?

True. He'll be down the river.

Where?

[ Inside.

What if Munt and Dane
ended up as cellmates?

Oh, Aaron, shut the f*ck up, man!

Respect.

But we should at least raise
a glass to our fallen hero.

To our man —

the Munty man,

the man of men,

the man we are the pale shadows of;

a man who's gone before and
whose tools we now wield,...

[ Yee-hoo!

...yet it almost sounds
as if he's with us.

Cos he is here, d*ck.

Munty! Oh, you busted out, man!

Yeah. Hey, let me go.

(LAUGHS)

We're buying, aren't we, girl?
Mm-hm.

Hey.

Um, what happened?

Uh, back room politics.

You were dead meat.

sh*t goes on behind the scenes,
and they changed the charge to
possession,

so I get a fine, PD and have to
attended a drug-education course.

So who knows what sh*t
goes on behind the scenes.

DOG BARKS

Why the long face?

Were you to do with
Munter getting off?

Oh, he didn't get off. He was lashed
by a seriously wet bus ticket.

Cos I gave you Dane Harris?

Mm. Dane Harris who stole your car.

I did a deal out of
respect for what you did,

getting the dangerous
criminal off the streets.

A nutbar with a paint scraper?

Well, who knows where that might
have led had not you stepped in?

You just showed me you can
do it, so now Nicky Greegan.

DOG BARKS

They're herbal scones.

Lovely.

Oh, they're not that kind of herb.

(CHUCKLES)
I baked them myself,

as a peace offering.

What you said was out of line.

But it was true.

Yeah. Once upon a time, it was.

Just you don't like to see the
past chucked back in your face.

But that doesn't make it untrue.

But it does make you wanna stop it
happening all over again, you know —

your kids falling
into the same traps.

I won't.

Good.

Can you see if they've delivered
the paper? I'm meant to be putting
my feet up.

Yeah.

How many times, woman?

Sit.
Woof.

(CHUCKLES)

Ooh.

(CHUCKLES)

Did you give Nicky up?

Man, I don't know f*ck all about
Nicky Greegan doing anything, all
right?

How come it all changed?

Cos I accidentally
gave up Dane Harris.

Yeah? And that got me off?

Well, I was real angry cos he stole
our car, and then I just started
talking, and it got out of control.

So Dane Harris was the
price of my freedom?

Yes.

I already know how you feel about
that, so you don't need to give me
any sh*t about it.

Not a bad price.

Eh?

Dane Harris is a cock, man,
and a menace to society.
Well, yeah.

Not that I'm down with you being
a rat-bastard narc, you hear?

Yeah, well, me either, man.

Clearly, there's a lot
we need to talk about.

Yeah. And, like, how you haven't
told Kasey about your 'thing' thing.

That is also true.

You know what I was thinking?

This is a 'boys go away on
a fishing trip' kind of talk?

That was just what I was thinking.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪