05x09 - Honour's at the Stake

[bunniefuu]

Maybe I can buy you a drink.

OK, fine.

I have a rule — once it's over,
it's over. You do not go back.

Right.

It's like you and me — if we ever
got back together, it'd be sh*t,
wouldn't it?

Graeme? What the f*ck
are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Shut up and f*ck me.

Pascalle's cash is tied up in the
business. And now you're in there.

Right.

'Someone else already has their
snout right in the trough.'

'They're ripping off wages?'

I know what you're doing, old man.
(GROANS)

Stop this sh*t. Right now.

Here's the turn card.

Three of clubs.

Check.

Check.

The cards seem to be
smiling for you, Mr...

...Munro.

Ernie Munro.

And you grow kiwifruit?

The gift that keeps on giving.

.

SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

Call.

Here's the river card.

MUSIC INTENSIFIES

Three of hearts.

Kerikeri — it's a beautiful place.

We like it.

Perhaps you know my
cousin, Paulie Wu?

Um...

He owns the China Wok
on the main street.

Of course. They do a
great chicken chow mein.

(CHUCKLES) I prefer the
pepper beef, but I'll tell him.

Let's get on with it. Check.

The impatient man
always has a good hand.

But not always the best hand.

Show your cards, please, gentlemens.

MUSIC INTENSIFIES

Full house. s over queens.

Queens over s, sunshine.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Queens.

MUSIC DIES

A good harvest, Mr Munro.

A lucky break.

More whisky?

Oh,... you're too kind,
Mr Wu. But we should be off.

Eh?
It's a long drive back to Kerikeri.

I... know some good motels.

Better listen to the
old ball and chain.

Perhaps next time you're in town,

Mr... Munro.

Just try and stop me.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

(GRUNTS)
Hey, get up. Now.

What? Jesus, it's barely o'clock.

Yeah, people wake up
early round here.

I've only been asleep two hours.

We f*ck, you leave.
That's the deal.

(GROANS) Just give me minutes.

SLAP!
Ah, sh*t. I could
see this as foreplay.

OK, OK. Spot ya.

HISSES: Hurry up!
Yeah.

(LAUGHS, WHOOPS)

Whoo-hoo!

(WHOOPS)

Ernie Munro. You sly old dog.

We should've stayed,
cleaned them out.

Softly, softly, Ted.

Let's go back tonight.

Too soon. They'll get suspicious.
But we did all right.

Should be more than that.

Oh no, some of it's missing.

Those bloody Chinks.

Relax, Ted. Perhaps some...

wicked woman has
hidden it... somewhere.

It's dirty money.

What are you gonna do
about that,... Ernie? (LAUGHS)

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

Big night, love?

Oh, whatever.

Hi.
What are you doing here?

You mean Ranger Graeme?

Not a ranger.

Apparently, he stayed over.

Maybe he did; maybe he didn't.

Ooh, I think he did.

I was leaving, but...

What the f*ck...?!
Oh. Jesus.

Ranger Graeme?

J-Just on my way out. Not a ranger.

On your way out from...?

Oh. Really?

Do you want a coffee?
Looks like you could use one.

Another coffee?
That'd be great. Thanks.

Graeme probably has to get back
to his important tree-saving job.

Loretta, you can't let a man leave
without finishing his breakfast.

He's had breakfast. He can leave.

So this is Jane. Didn't
know you had a baby.

Jane is actually Mum's child.

Yeah, she said.
Did she?

Yeah. Yeah, we had a chat.
We had a really good chat.

Wow, great, but I need to leave,
so if you want a lift, Graeme...

So, about those hunting spots, bro..
You can't like hunting.

No, I do.

Hunting is k*lling
poor little animals.

You hate animals,
so what do you care?

Deer are actually pests, so—

Graeme, we need to leave.

Loretta, let the man
finish his coffee.

Well, no, I should be on my way.

LOUD LAUGHTER, WHOOPING

Check it out. Kai moana
for the people. (LAUGHS)

Ohhhh yeah!

(WHOOPS, CHUCKLES)

CHUCKLING FADES ABRUPTLY

sh*t, bro, Ranger Graeme.

f*ck. I told you to put
the little ones back.

Not a ranger, OK?

How'd you know we'd be here?
I didn't.

And he's just leaving.

Uh, they're-they're all legal.

Not a ranger.

So, yeah, the latest
projections are good.

Good. So we're a box of birds, eh?

Native birds.

Have you been ingesting
the product again, Jethro?

No, I just had a call from Mum...
about your new boyfriend.

Piss off.
No, she's thrilled to hear you've...
redocked with the DOC guy.

She didn't actually know
about the first time.

Yeah, she does now.

You bastard!

No, no, she called me.

SIGHS: God.

Um,... we're talking about...?

Ranger Graeme from Tutaekuri Bay.
Loretta's little Christmas romance
from a couple of years ago.

It wasn't a romance.

Yeah, OK. What would you call it? A
bonk? (CHUCKLES) A shag? (CHUCKLES)

See, um, Graeme, he
knows all about shags.

Yeah. And dotterels
and, uh, oystercatchers.

Which Christmas was this?
Doesn't matter.

Was I in Australia?

Can we get back to this?

We were together? Before
you b*rned down my house?

Only cos you were an arsehole.

So you shagged this guy—

Graeme.
...while we were together.

Didn't you shag some bimbo there?

No. I was too busy going
to Mass with my mother.

Not my fault your
family are Catholics!

The point is, Loretta,
you rooted this guy—

Graeme.
...while we were together.

And then we broke up

because you were such a sh*t!
And then you burnt down my house!

And I had my reasons!

And we broke up, OK? There's no
need to get weird about this.

I can assure you... that I am in
no way weird about any of this.

(CLEARS THROAT)

So, Graeme's the new boyfriend, eh?

He's not 'my boyfriend'.

So, what would you call him?
f*ck buddy.

God. That's gotta be
the lamest term ever, eh?

Well, we f*ck and then he leaves.

We don't need details.

I'm not giving you any.
That is enough about Graeme!

Yeah.

Yeah.

QUIETLY: We're meant to be
having a meeting here.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.

No more talk about
Graeme or Ranger Gra—

Shut the f*ck up, Jethro!

BAG RUSTLES

Lamingtons.

Such generosity so early.

I've bought morning tea before.

No, I don't think you ever have.

You calling me tight?

Yes, actually.

You don't have to eat it
if you don't want to.

I never said that.

What you been up to, you old bugger?

Pull the carrot out of your
arse and put the jug on.

Fancy a tot in it?

What have you been up to?

So suspicious. Today
is a celebration.

Of?

The immigration laws in NZ.

Ever since they allowed more Chinks
in, NZ has become a better place.

Since when did you love Asians?

Since I cleaned them out
at poker. (CACKLES)

Tony Wu wouldn't know a chopstick
from a garden spade when it comes
to Texas Hold'em.

And who's Tony Wu?

Runs a private game. Big stakes.

How did you get in on that?

I've got me contacts.

There's a cultural
divide in NZ, Ted.

Bloody good thing. Keep those horis
down in South Auckland, I say.

Not the Ma-oris — the Chinks.

A high-stakes poker game is being
run by a guy called Wu, but he won't
let us coconuts in.

Bloody r*cist!
Unbelievable.

How unreasonable and unfair.

Ungracious little slant-eyes.

So, where did you say they
were playing this game?

Great — you did OK. Now
quit while you're ahead.

When did you ever place a bet?

Never. That's why
I've still got cash.

I count the cards. I know the odds.

That's what they all say, Ted.

Oh, relax, you poofter.

Where'd you get the cash?

Do you want your lamington
or not? (RIPS BAG)

Ngaire?

Sheree.

I was just going
through these invoices.

Someone didn't pay?
No, someone queried a payment,

and then I happened to notice a
cash withdrawal of five grand from
yesterday. What was that for?

Oh yes, that. Supplier
wanted to be paid in cash.

Oh, which supplier?

An outstanding debt before your
time. It was all a bit of a mix-up.

Was it?
I'll deal with it. I need
to go to the bank anyway.

I could go.

You don't want to overdo
it in your condition.

I'm fine.
I said I'll deal with it.

OK.

PHONE RINGS

Judd Security.

Ted, I've changed my mind. We need
to do this, strike while the iron's
hot.

Wrong number.

DOOR OPENS

Hey. Just cooking up
a feed from our quota.

Yeah, our legal...quota

of, like, heaps per person.

Guys, I really don't give a sh*t.

Well, you should.

That's brilliant, bro.
What?

Heaps per person.

If we had to, we could say that
there was more persons on our trip,
you know, like Spiller...

But why would we go fishing
with Aaron Spiller?

True.

So,... you're on with Ranger Graeme.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Yeah, but it's true, right?
Only for the sex, OK?

Then why'd you have to
invite him to dinner?

KNOCK AT DOOR

I didn't.
Yeah, whatever.

Hey, guys. Is he here yet?
Who?

Your boyfriend, the ranger.
When Cheryl rang and said—

He's not my boyfriend, OK?
And he's not here.

GRAEME: Hi.

Is this him?

Yeah. Yeah, this is Graeme.

Hi. (GIGGLES) I'm Kasey.
It's so cool to meet you.

But you don't have a uniform.

Well, uh, no. Nice to meet you.

He's cute.

So, everything going good in there?

Awesome, Mrs West.

Couldn't be more fantastic (!)

What? Oh, sorry.

Seafood? Excellent.

Gimme that sh*t. Here.

Why did you ask him round?

I thought he'd like
to meet everyone.

Who else have you invited?

Oh, family, a few friends,

although Rochelle can't come,
Falani's busy, and Pascalle—

All cos of Graeme?
[ 'Course not.

Mum, what if I don't want him here?

Well, I thought you two were...

We are friends who f*ck.
That's all. No strings.

Well, that's how it starts.

No. It stays like that.

Graeme is such a nice guy,
and he loves Jane.

He's only just met Jane.

Well, he wants to take her out.
Out where?

His mate works at a farm park.
You know how Janie loves animals.

Babies love animals because
they're equally stupid.

Jane's not stupid. Plunket
thinks she's advanced.

If she was advanced, she wouldn't
waste time hanging out with animals.

Well, I said they can go tomorrow.

You would let Jane go out
with some stranger?

He's not a stranger. He's Graeme.

He might be a
kiddy-fiddling axe-m*rder*r!

I don't think DOC
hires people like that.

He could be.
Well, if you're so worried,
you could go too.

No, I couldn't. You
don't even know him.

I do. He's from Tutaekuri Bay.

You hated him for being
a no-fun eco-n*zi.

You still slept with him — twice. He
must have one thing going for him.

This is not a conversation
I wanna have with my mother.

I just want you to be happy—

Oh,... for Christ's sake!

(SNORTS, LAUGHS)

How are you feeling?

Never better. Sharp as a tack.

We've only got one sh*t at this.

All righty.

Don't mess it up.

You sit back, gin in hand, and watch
me skin those yellow bastards alive.

If they let us in.

Piece of piss. Who am I?

Ernie Munro.

And what am I?

My hero.

You didn't seem pleased to see us.

My kiwifruit friends.
This is unexpected.

We stayed over to see
the grandchildren.

You have grandchildren?
Enough about them. Thought we'd
drop by on the off-chance.

I have a full table.
Oh.

What if we up the stakes,
go the full pot?

How much we talking?

G's.

That's a lot of kiwifruit.

Bumper crop this year.

When lucks walks in, it's a foolish
man who steps outside for air.

Old Chinese saying?

No, I just made it up. But...

MEN CHUCKLE

...I think we can make
way for Mr Munro.

(WHISPERS IN CHINESE)

(SPEAKS CHINESE)

Great. Look forward to
winning my money back.

You go for it, sunshine.

Hiya.

MAN: Hello.

CHERYL LAUGHS

Well, this smells really good.
SHEREE: Yeah.

Oh, sorry about the shellfish thing.

Why can't they eat shellfish?

When you're pregnant,
you can't eat it.

Kind of like squishy cheese.

But shellfish is nothing
like squishy cheese.

At least they are pregnant.

I wouldn't eat a lot of things
if I could be pregnant.

Yeah, but the pipis are good, eh?

Mm.

Not complaining.

These pipis look a lot like paua.

They're Coromandel pipis.

The rare black one you
find down from Mum's.

The ones that look
like very small paua?

Would you stop mentioning paua?

I'm not a Fisheries officer.

Oh, but you were a DOC guy,
right? You know, a ranger.

Not any more.
But you were when you met Loretta.

When he met all of us.

Yeah, but he got to know Loretta
heaps better, when you were ranging
round... being a ranger.

Like I say, not a ranger.

Bro, in this family,
once a cop, always a cop.

But there's so something
about a guy in uniform.

I've got a uniform.

I know you do, baby, and that's hot.
So is it the uniform you went for?
No.

(GIGGLES) This is so great, because
Cher and I have always worried she'd
never meet anyone.

Yeah, we had our moments, Graeme.

I've met people.

Well, not in your lesbian period.

I never was, unlike some people
who said they weren't and then—

Oh, and you weren't? (LAUGHS)

Didn't know you were a lesbian.
I'm not.

You've probably picked up that
she's quite prickly, but, hey,

if there's anything you need
to know, just ask me or Cher.

Or me. Cos I know heaps of
sh*t she shouldn't have done.

Me too.
I could probably add to that.

But mostly me, cos I'm her mother.

Great. Thanks, all of you.

Can we all just shut up now
and eat our undersize paua?

VAN: Pipis.
LAUGHTER

WHIMSICAL DRAMATIC MUSIC

(LAUGHS)

(SPEAKS CHINESE)

I need to hose down the china.

What?
I need a piss.

(SPEAKS CHINESE)

ALL LAUGH

Talk to me.
Nothing to say.

(SPEAKS CHINESE)

ALL LAUGH
Perhaps cut our losses?

Don't be a nancy. I'm
playing them like fish.
Ted!

Don't call me that. The tide's about
to turn. I can feel it in me waters.

Hey, Kasey, you wanna come for
a joint with Ranger Graeme?

I'm all good, hon.

MEN CLEAR THROATS

God, he's so nice. I can't
believe you guys are together.

So you keep saying.

He saves trees and even a whale.

He saved a whale?

Yeah. A mother and baby beached,
and he had to refloat them.

God, I wish I'd been there.

I wish you were there — right now.

Wouldn't you wanna save a whale?

Nothing is more pointless.

I think it's great that Graeme
is such a caring guy and he saves
whales.

Now he's taking Jane
to see baby animals.

What a hero (!)
Well, you can go too if you want.

Pass, as in no way and
also 'pass me a bucket'.

You don't wanna go see baby animals?
No.

Well, I'll go.

You? Why?

Well, Cher can't go,
and I love baby animals.

And then I can fill him in
on anything he needs to know.

You've already told him everything.

Oh, there's heaps more I could say.

(SIGHS) OK, fine, I'll go.
Great, love.

But this is not me and Jane and
Graeme bonding or any of that
'happy family' sh*t.

PAN CLANGS

God, Cher, do you think he
might make her actually human?

There's always a chance.

HAUNTING, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

STATIC

(CLEARS THROAT)

PACE QUICKENS

Check all bettings, sir.

SOFTLY: One.

One silent call.

(COUGHS)

Folding.

You have ace, king.
But I'll call you anyway.

ETHEREAL MUSIC

Holding.

Here's the turn card.

Jack of spade.

That jack's no help to you.

Ah, the kiwifruit.

Here's the river card.

King of clubs.

Nice day for it.

I don't think you have a king.
Your bet's too small.

I think you have a jack,
cos I have a king.

That's for me to know
and you to find out.

I'll put you all in.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Works for me.

Show the cards, please.

Full kings, Sonny Jim.

(GASPS) You...

You did have a king.

It's a very very good
day for you, Mr Munro.

(EXHALES)

Royal flush.

Better day for me.

Don't think I didn't see
you all. It's a rort.

Mr Munro...

Coughing and hoiking.
That's code. Table talk!

He has asthma.
Talking in Chinese
— what's that about?

It's our language.

In my country, we
don't cheat at cards.

Are you calling me a cheat?

I want my money back, you
yellow-arsed, cheating bastards.

Ted!
Who is Ted?

Don't bring her into it,
you bastard.

You'd better leave now, Mr Munro,
before you say anything you regret!

Regret?!

I haven't even started.

Well, that wasn't so bad.

Which bit was good?

I got to observe the Wests in their
natural habitat, eat undersize paua
and find out more about you.

It was pure t*rture.
(LAUGHS)

[ And not funny.

You dish it out, but can't take it.

They're all acting like the sun
shines out of your butt and I'm
this... freak.

Well, at least we're going out
tomorrow, in public.

With animals.

Why did you change your mind?

I wasn't about to let you go out
with loose-lips Kasey.

What else haven't you told me?

I'm not a lesbian.
I guessed that.

God, my bloody mother! In less than
hours, we have gone from f*ck
buddies to being virtually engaged.

(CHUCKLES) So when did
I ask you to marry me?

Oh, you know what I mean.

Is it really such a problem
to admit that you're with me?

I just like to keep things separate.

If you want me to go,
you only have to say.

Well,... that would really
disappoint my mother.

And that's a reason to do it?
(SCOFFS) God, you really are
twisted.

And you're not pulling out
the emotional blackmail (?)

I like you, Loretta, but I'm not
about to be treated like an idiot.

OK,... wait.

You're not an idiot. That would be
my entire family. I do like you, OK,
I just don't need to go on about i.

Is that why you
don't talk about Jane?

Um,... (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) how
did she enter this conversation?

I dunno. Having a kid so young —
must've been full on.

She's here; it's done. What
else is there to talk about?

So... if I wanna know,

I should ask... Kasey.

Definitely asking Kasey.

Yeah?
Yep.

Or...

you could shut up and f*ck me.

OK.

Foolish old man.

It wasn't my fault.

We were lucky to get out alive.

You bloody cheating bastards!

Go back to Kerikeri, you redneck!

I warned you to cut and run.

One in , — that's the
odds of the royal flush.

Well, that's not much use now!

Unreal. They ganged up on me.

Ted, we borrowed big ones. We
have to cover it — by tomorrow.

Use our nest egg.

It's invested.
In what?

Jewellery.
Christ!

You did say it was up to me,
and neither of us trust the banks!

Hock the bling!

That won't work. It
wouldn't be enough!

Cheating Chinky bastards!

They played you at your own game.

You're blaming me?

I don't have the answers here, Ted,
and it was your plan, not mine.

I'll deal to it.

They let you in the game?
I just said that.

(PANTS) More than once?

Yes, but the point is—
Why would they let
you in on their game?

Cos I'm not a bloody Coconut, am I?

That was my game!

Believe you me, you were
better off out of it.

You lost.

I didn't lose. I never lose at
poker. I was cheated. They ganged up
on me.

No.
They did.

To cheat at cards is a terrible
thing. I would never sink so low.

A man would be angry at this
treatment. His blood would boil.

You're telling me.
A man would wanna raise his
mighty fists and strike out.

Tough talk. Like
the cut of your jib.

In the name of honour, he
must gather his strength—

Righto, you rustle up
your nephews, then.
What?

You and your nephews barrel round
to Tony Wu's and get me money back.
There'll be beers all round.

Are you crazy?
What?

There's no way I'm messing with
those scary Triad Asians. They've
got nunchaks.

Triads?

Sometimes... a man must defend his
honour, and to truly defend that,
he must do that alone.

I've got a job for you.

No, thanks.

You don't know what it is.

I don't need to,
because if it's from you,

it's automatically suspect.

p*ssy.

I need you to find out
about Tony Wu. ]
Who?

The high-roller I told you
about. He's a bad bugger.

Oh, Christ.

You lost.

No. I was cheated.

(LAUGHS) Serves you bloody right.

He's a cheat and he
needs to be stopped.

Let it go, Ted.

He's Triad, you know.

Triad? Tony Wu?

Not that you care about
crime. Call yourself a cop.

I don't.

Our cultural divide is wider
than a Russian whore's cr*ck.

This open-door policy
lets the Triads in.

Shut up, Ted.

You don't care, do you?

Would this Tony Wu be Tony Wu
the currency trader?

You what?

I looked him up online.

As if that's the truth. That'll be
a cover. And I'll get the bastard!

Calm down, Ted.

So you'll make some inquiries?

If it stops you being
a complete arse.

COMPUTER BEEPS

Has the password changed
for the banking?

Hmm?

I can't get into the online banking.

Oh, it'll be some bank cock-up.

Really?

Oh, Pascalle. How lovely to see you.

I'm confused. The payroll company
rang me and said the wages can't
go through.

It will be some bank error. It's one
of those days, isn't it, Sheree?

Could be.

Yeah, a bank error.
That's what I thought too.

Let them sort it, my dear.

So I rang the bank, and they said
the reason the wages didn't come out

is because of a $ , cash
withdrawal made yesterday.

Wow.

So could someone please tell me
what the f*ck is going on here?

It's hard for me to admit
this to you, Pascalle.

I think you'd better.

It was Ted.

Grandpa.

He forced me to do it. He had some
mad idea about fleecing a Chinaman
at poker. He needed a stake.

You used my money to gamble?

I pleaded with him. But your
grandfather is very persuasive.

But you can't do that!

But I didn't.
But you did!

It's a temporary setback.
I'm sure it can be sorted.

Yes. It can.

Ngaire made me do it.
Bullshit.

She can be very persuasive.

You gambled my money
— my workers' wages.

But only because she made me.

As far as I'm concerned, my
grandfather stole from me.

Don't you talk to me about stealing.

Why the hell not, when you did?!

The only stealing was done to me —

by that slant-eyed Tony Wu
and his custard-skinned mates.

But don't you worry —
I've got his number.

What number?

I know where he lives,
where he works.

You're going to get the money back?
Too right.

How?

No idea.

Oh, that's just great (!)

Thanks to you, some lovely old
people — your colleagues —
won't get paid.

But surely you've got a bit put by.

That is not the point.
You stole from me!

If you wanna talk about
thievery, ask that Tony Wu.

All right, I will.
I didn't mean that.

Too late. Where do I find him?

You don't wanna mess with him.
Why not?

Because he's shady. Triad.

Tell me where to find him!

SWEETLY: Hello. I'm
looking for, uh, Tony Wu.

That's me.

Are you the same Tony Wu
who runs a gambling den?

I have a game sometimes at
my house. Who wants to know?

I'm Pascalle West. I'm the
grandaughter of the man you
b*at at poker last night.

Why don't we talk about it in here?

OK.

This isn't very shady.

This is what Mr Munro said?

Thanks. Uh, no, Mr West.

Ernie... West.

No, Ted West.

His name is Ted?
Mm-hm.

I get it now.

Well, you see, there's been a
dreadful mistake. The money he was
betting with wasn't his to lose.

No one likes to lose, Miss West.

He was using money that was actually
other people's wages — my money.

This is no good.

So I was thinking that you
could give me the money back,

and I promise to keep Grandpa
— Ted — under control.

You love your grandfather?

Hmm, sometimes it's hard to,
but, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

The Chinese, we get the whole
'respect for your elders' thing —

they've made the roads
we now walk upon.

Grandpa never...
worked on the roads.

It's... an expression.

Oh. OK. Well, I just really wanna
sort this, so... (SWEETLY) will you
give it back to me?

I would very much like to, yes.

Oh, that'd be so great.

But also in China,
we believe in honour.

If you enter a game of chance,
you know the cost, win or lose.

But in the presence of my friends,
your grandfather called me... a
cheat.

Oh, that's terrible.

He also called me a...

yellow-skinned...
Peking duck-fucker.

I'm sure he didn't mean it.

I'm sorry for your loss,...
but I can't help.

I could strangle him, even though
he is my grandpa. And Ngaire.

She's always been a ruthless bitch.

Yeah, but only because she cared.

Christ, Pascalle!

What, you think she's
always been bad?

Her and that old bastard.

Hey, that is my grandpa.

Yeah, I know, but you
can't let this go.

Yeah, but the money's all gone.

He said such terrible things
to that nice Chinese guy.

You want me to deal to it?

No, I'll do it.

That's great, babe. You be decisive.

Yes, I am. Don't you worry.

Thank you for coming.

Always here for you, my dear.

I know. You have been.

And that's why I wanted to
see you outside of work.

I'm grateful for that.

And you know I'm sorry.

I do. And fortunately, I am in a
position to cover the wages bill

so that our precious and
lovely team will get paid.

So generous.

No, it's the right thing to do.

You're an honourable young woman.

Well, somebody has to be.

I assure you that even though it's
mostly Ted's doing, I intend to pay
all the money back.

Good.

Because if you don't,
I will go to the cops.

Pascalle, that hardly—
You stole from me.

Borrowed.
I trusted you,... and now
I don't trust you any more.

So as of now, you no longer
work at Best Bag Ever.
Pascalle.

I can't have employees who shaft me
when they say they believe in me.

But I do.

Once you repay the money,
then I'll believe you.

But we're family.

I know, and we always will be.

And I hope, in time, we will be
friends again. (FIRMLY) We just
won't be working together any more.

Hey, Cheryl.
Hey.

Jane around?
Weren't you coming for her later?

I'm early. She had an invite
to try out Jackson's new pool.

Who?
Jackson. From swimming.
Cute wee guy. Just turned .

Oh, I haven't been in ages.

Anyway, I'm not busy, so we can go.

Well, you can't. She's not here. ]

Oh.
Where is she?

She went out with Loretta, to
a farm park... to look at animals.

Loretta wanted to see animals?

I know. It wasn't her
idea — it was Graeme's.
Graeme — yeah, right.

Ranger Graeme. Oh, he's
not a ranger any more.

He's, um, an arborist
for the council.

And you, um,... (CHUCKLES) you
just let her go with this Graeme?

Oh, it's only for a couple of hours.
At least we know Jane's in safe
hands. (SNIGGERS) And Loretta too.

I see.
They'll be back soon. Then Graeme's
gonna look at the grapefruit.

Well,... go, Graeme.

Mm. ]

I'll come back later.

Did you get the dirt
on the Chinky bastard?

Not really.

If he wasn't Triad, I smack
the money out of him.

He's not Triad.
Eh?

He's a currency dealer. He changes
Asian money into Kiwi dollars.

So he is a dodgy bastard?

Are you listening?

If he was Triad,
he wouldn't tell you.

Well, I didn't ask him. ]

Then who did you ask?

I've still got sources.

Porky pigs trotters.

Yeah, and the guy doesn't have
so much as a parking ticket.

You said you'd get the
dirt on the Yellow Peril.

If you weren't such a r*cist—

I am not a r*cist. I never give you
stick just because you got a touch
of the tar brush.

(SCOFFS) Christ.

(SIGHS) So that's it, then.
He's on the level.

He's a very wealthy guy, moved
from Hong Kong, doing all right
for himself.

So he's got cash?

Yeah, he's got cash, and you don't.
So why don't you take a lesson from
this and stop bloody gambling?

That's a lesson, all right.

ROCK PLAYS QUIETLY

You're a scholar and a gentleman.

Like a sambuca, do you, Ted?

Always partial.

Tell me why I shouldn't pour it
over you and set fire to your
piss-stained trousers.

Be a waste of a good drop. (BLOWS)

THUD!
(CHOKES)

THUD!
(GROANS)

I've warned you. You're
not too old for a smack.

Oh, you'd take me, would you?

You f*ckin' deserve it now.

I'm not scared of you.

Well, you should be.
I'll get it back.

What, K?

I'll be getting a lot more than that
from Mr Wu. He bloody owes me.

How will you do that?

Bugger's in currency. If he's got
currency, then he's got a safe.

You know that for a fact?
I know where he's at. I'll find out.

If you walk in there, you're busted.

I'll get round it — somehow.

On your own?

If there's a safe, I'll bloody cr*ck
it. I've done it before. Best in the
business — that's me.

What if I checked it out?

You?

Or someone I know.

Who do you know?

Fine. If you think you
can do this alone...

I will pay her back. I've got me
standards. No one calls me a thief.

I thought you were one.

It was a loan, that's all.

And I'll pay her back,
with interest.

OK. Fine.

Why don't we talk about
how that could happen?

ANIMAL NOISES

PLAYFUL MUSIC

COW MOOS

ROOSTER CROWS

♪ Trying hard to disagree

♪ with every little thing I see.

♪ You say there's another way.

♪ But you always love to talk. ♪

JAUNTY NOTES

What?
PIG SQUEALS

(GRUNTS)

Ha ha (!)

Oh,... great (!)

PIG SQUEALS

Wow, Jane's having a really big day.

She'll be a write-off soon. You
know how she is when she's tired.

You want a beer?

Yeah, sure.

INDISTINCT MALE VOICE ]
DOOR OPENS

GRAEME: ...and Loretta went boo!

LAUGHS: I did not.

Hello, strangers.

Hey. Here's Nana.

Hello, my lovely. Did
you have a good time?

Did you? (COOS) Hello.

Gidday.

Oh, this is Hayden.

Graeme.

Graeme. Right.

Hayden.

Jane's dad.

Graeme, Hayden.

Hayden, Graeme.

Beautiful daughter you've got, mate.

Yep, she is.

Sorry if we held you up.
She didn't wanna leave.

Oh, she told you that?

Well, she's one smart cookie.

I'm aware of that.

'Course you are.

JANE GURGLES, CHUCKLES

So, did you have a lovely time too
with all the little baby animals?

Yeah, she had an OK time.

I didn't bite any
of their heads off.

(CLEARS THROAT) Can we have a word?

Sure.

Come on, poppet,
you need your dinner.

If you spontaneously take Jane out,
you have to give me notice.

Mum said it was fine.
You didn't ask me.

Technically, she's Jane's
mum, so talk to her.

I don't like being dicked around.

I didn't actually wanna go.

Yeah, you hated it (!)

It wasn't the total hell I thought.

I don't get it. You
act like you hate Jane.

No, I don't, I tolerate her.

Now you're taking her on
outings with some stranger?
He's not.

You were too embarrassed to mention
him — he's your f*ck buddy.

What's that got to do with you?

I don't see how this
can be good for Jane.
It's about Jane?

I'd like to know who my
daughter's spending time with.

With me and Graeme.
A casual bonk.

That is none of your
f*cking business.

I happen to f*cking think it is.

Are you jealous because Jane's
spending time with me and Graeme?

I'm not jealous.
You have girlfriends!

This is a casual f*ck.
It's not!

You said that it was.
Graeme is a decent guy
who I like a lot! He's...

He's my boyfriend.

Right.

Does that make it better, then?

Yeah. It's fine.

Well, good.
I still want notice.

Oh, sure, since it's so important.

It is.

Now I have to get Jane home.
You do that. I might go out —

with my boyfriend.

Well, you have a great time.

I will.

Night, Bilkey.

So, is-is Ngaire coming back?

No, but everything stays the same.
Have a lovely evening, everyone.

Come on, team, van's waiting.

You knew what Ngaire
was doing, didn't you?

I had my suspicions.

Why didn't you tell me?

Ngaire seems to be able to
explain all the weird sh*t away.

She's a mutton-dressed-as-lamb liar.

I'm sorry, Pascalle,
but she was the boss.

No. Sheree, I am the boss.

I know. I should've said something,
and I'm really really sorry.

Well, that is good, 'cause as of
now, I'm putting you in charge.

What?
Temporary financial controller, if
that's OK. There'll be a pay rise.

Oh my God. Really?

Until I find someone else, it
would just really help me out.

I don't know what to say!
Just... say yes.

OK!

Yay! Oh God, I am so relieved.
I can just feel all that bad energy
running out of the building already.

Oh, this is great. Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

No, thank you. I need
people I can trust.

'Course you do.
Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

(CLAPS)

Van.
Hey.

Good to see you.
You too, man. Got some fish for you.

Ah, you beauty.

Yeah.

(SNIFFS) Phew.

They might smell a bit fishy, but
that's just a fish thing. (SNIFFS)

They were totally fresh
when I caught them.

Sweet. I appreciate it.

Should cook 'em tonight, though, eh?

I will.

You shifting into your place?

Yeah. Still got some stuff to do,
eh? And we've gotta buy sh*t for
the babies like cots.

That's why I called.
Maybe I can help.

Oh, no, no, no. It's
all good. Kit set.

(CHUCKLES) No, I was
thinking more money.

There's a job I've been checking
out, and if it stacks up, you'd be
keen?

'Course.

Good. Cos if this comes off, you
won't have to worry about all the
baby sh*t. Buy what you like.

Sounds awesome.

And Sheree will be happy.

Yeah.

sh*t, yeah.

So what is it?

Well, for now, let's just...
call it Operation Wonton.

It's a takeaway joint?

No, Van, it's not.

Oh, OK.

Wontons are good, though, eh?

They certainly are, brother.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Here's to the big wonton.

The big wonton.

FOREBODING MUSIC